Why bad habits stick (REPLAY) - Live Saturday Reset with Jerry S Lin

October 3rd, 2014. I'm outside standing there, my back door, 4 cigarettes between my fingers, all lit at the same time. The last 4 from the pack. 23 years, 30 cigarettes a day. I had tried to go quit cold turkey, trying hard with willpower. And it lasted 15 months. One bad meeting, a pack was in my hand even before I knew what happened. See, I tried hypnosis, 3 days, a long drive cross-country, and back to chain-smoking again. I tried everything that worked for other people. Patches, mindset, willpower, nothing stuck. See, that night I finally understood why. The problem was never the cigarettes. The problem was who I believed I was. So welcome to the Saturday Reset. I'm Jerry S. Lin, Human Systems Engineer, and every Saturday we take the patterns running your life on autopilot, and we rewire them a little bit. Today, why bad habits stick and how to make new ones permanent. Not theory. We're going to do the work right here, right now. And before we start, I want to know who's in the room. Type one letter in the chat. A is I have the habit. I've been trying to break for over a year. Put in B if I quit something before and it came back. C is I don't even know where to start. Or D, I broke it, I'm here to understand how. So let's go ahead and put it in the, in the chat. A, B, C, or D, which one are you? Again, that's A, I have a habit I've been trying to break for over a year. B, I quit something before and it came back. C, I don't even know where to start. And D, I broke it and I'm here to understand how.

Let me see.

So it looks like there's a lot of A's and some B's, and that's the ones we're here trying to crack open today. See, you already know what you should do. You've known for years, and still the habit runs. Why? Because you're trying to fix a body problem with a brain solution. Let me tell you about the sneakiest habit of all. Not smoking, not sugar, not scrolling your phone at 2 AM. It's the phone in a room when you're with other people. You're at a family dinner, your family's right there, and you're not ignoring them. You're not rude about it. You're just checking, glancing. Oh, can you notice what it feels like when I'm looking at this and I'm talking to you? Oh, and like this, right? You just glance for 30 seconds and you look right back and you talk, get back in the conversation. You know you're doing it. You know it's not great. You've told yourself 100 times, I need to put the phone down. When I'm with other people. But then the phone pings and it's like crack. And then someone mid-sentence and your hands move. You didn't decide to pick it up. Your hand was already moving. See, that's not a choice. That's a reflex. And here's what nobody tells you. The person across the table knows. They feel it even when they say nothing. Shoot, they might even be doing it. You're technically present, but you're not really there, and some part of you deep down knows that too. See, you don't have one brain. You have three brains. The head brain, the thinking brain where your logic lives, the part making promises, the part that knows better. This is who said, "I'll put the phone down tonight." And then what do we have? Our heart brain, right? The heart brain is the feeling brain, emotional, the memory, reward, the part that gets a tiny hit every time that screen lights up. It's not looking for information. It's looking for relief. And then finally, the gut brain. 200 to 500 million neurons running below your awareness. See, this is your autopilot. This is who moved your hand. See, the gut brain doesn't speak logic. It speaks repetition, sensation, and pattern. See, most advice teaches you to talk to the head brain. Be more intentional. Set boundaries. Use willpower. See, the head brain loves that and it nods along. While your gut brain doesn't speak that language. See, your gut brain, it speaks repetition and practice, not motivation. And it's a hell of a lot faster than your head brain. And every time your hand moved to that phone while someone was talking, that was a rep. You didn't intend to practice it, but you did practice it. Very habit plugs into one of your 4 areas. We call them the 4 cores. See the physical core? When your body does something automatically, the hand that moves before you decided, You have your emotional core, how you manage or avoid feelings, the relief that phone delivers you when you look at it. Your social core, and that's what you perform for others to stay connected, never missing anything. See, the identity core, who you believe you are, the most powerful of the 4 cores and the root of it all. Your identity. See, the phone habit looks physical. It's a hand movement, but it's rooted in the social core and the identity core. I'm someone who stays on top of things. I'm someone people need. I can't afford to miss it. See, change that physical behavior without touching the identity and it comes right back every time. When I was trying to quit smoking, People would ask me, Jerry Lin, when are you gonna quit smoking? Think of your kids, your family. They'd say that to me, and every single time I'd say the same thing: I'm not a quitter, so never. I'm never gonna quit. Why? Because I'm not a quitter. I thought I was being funny, I was being self-aware, a little bit tough. What I was actually doing was telling my gut brain who I was. And the gut brain believed me every single time I said, "I'm not a quitter." I was giving it a rep, practicing the identity of someone who doesn't quit anything. I wasn't failing at quitting. I was succeeding at being who I said I was. And that's why after 15 months of cold turkey, one bad meeting was all it took. There was a pack in my hand before my brain even caught up. The gut brain snapped right back to the baseline, to the identity it had been rehearsing. See, the shift is the 4 words that changes the wiring. I stopped saying, "I'm not a quitter." I started saying, "I'm a non-smoker." See, same situation, 4 different words, but the signal those words send to the gut brain is completely different. "I'm not a quick quitter" defines you by the battle. You're always fighting. "I am a non-smoker" defines you by who you already are. See, smokers tend take smoke breaks. Non-smokers, they don't. So when the identity changed, the behavior followed. Crazy, huh? So on October 3rd, 11:59 in 2014, I smoked the last 4 cigarettes from the pack all at once. Midnight hit and the pack was empty, and I never bought another one. That was the last cigarette I ever smoked. It's coming up almost 12 years now. See, I'm not here beating on my chest and saying, "Look at me," right? That I was able to do that because I have small, stronger willpower and more mindset than anybody. No, not more willpower, a different identity. That's powerful. The gut brain needs to know. The same pattern hiding in that phone habit. Think about the phone habit for a second. What do you say about it to yourself when you reach for your phone? Does it say, "I just need to stay on top of things"? "I can't afford to miss something important"? It's just what I do. Everyone does it. I'm just like this. See, those aren't just thoughts. Those are instructions for your gut brain. It writes them into the wiring every time you say them. Now, here's something I want you to notice. There are a few different reasons people reach for that phone. See, how does that feel? Some people grab it because they can't stand a moment of silence, like they're running from something in the quiet. Some people grab it because saying yes to the notification is easier than saying no. Some people grab it because being needed feels safer than being present. And some people grab it because they've started something A conversation, a plan, a connection, and finishing it feels scary. See, each one of those is a different pattern running underneath the same behavior. So same hand movement, different wiring. You've been practicing this habit whether you chose to or or not. Every time the pattern ran, that was a rep. Reps build reflexes. Unintentional reps build unintentional reflexes. And here's how we change what we've been rehearsing in 5 steps. So step 1: audit the unintentional practice. What have you been rehearsing? Name the habit, name the trigger. Name what it gives you. Not judgment information. Your gut brain did this for a reason. Find out what it's protecting you from. Then step 2, choose the replacement. Not just stop X. And X would be smoking or eating or sugar or porn or whatever. The gut brain needs something to run instead. So what identity statement replaces the old one for you? Make it a declaration of who you are, not a promise of what you'll try. I am someone who is fully present with the people I love. Not, I'll try to put the phone down. You get it? All right, now step number 3 is you need to rehearse it 3 times mentally. So you close your eyes and you run the trigger moment. All right, you run the trigger moment, then you run the new response 3 times in great detail. See, when I became a nonsmoker, I felt what a nonsmoker felt, and when I felt I needed a cigarette, what I did was I replaced it in my mind first, and then I went out and actually did it, was to take 1,000 steps every time I needed a cigarette because the cigarette break gave me a 5-minute break, roughly 1,000 steps. 1,000 steps is healthier than a cigarette, but I'll breathe deeply. So I imagined it and then I did it. And so every day after 30,000 steps a day, It slowly tapered down the steps, right? 'Cause my legs got tired. But you gotta feel it in your body, in your gut, 'cause your gut brain, it can't tell the difference between real and vividly imagining. So 3 mental reps build the groove, and then the groove becomes the reflex, all right? Step 4 is stacking on an existing trigger. Don't build a new habit from scratch, all right? It won't last. Attach it to something that's already automatic. After I sit down for dinner, I put the face, the phone face down and I say, "I am present." Or after I walk through the front door, I put the phone in the drawer next to where I hang my keys. Right, see the gut brain follows existing grooves, existing habits. So go ahead and stack that new behavior on top of the old one. See, step 5 is set the reflex alarm in your phone. Name your alarm after the replacement identity or behavior, not reminder. The name itself is the cue. So something like present parent, nonsmoker, I am here. And every time that alarm fires, your gut brain gets a rep. You get to practice it. The alarm is the practice. This is not motivation. This is training. See, athletes don't get better by trying harder on game day. They get better by running the reps when nobody's watching. This is your rep. So quick game, one round, everybody plays, all right? So I'm going to say a state— a sentence. That starts with the words, "I can't stop blank," and your job is to type the one word in the chat that completes it. Your habit, your thing, one word. I can't stop what? What's the one word, guys? Can't stop eating sweets. Can't stop overthinking, worrying. What else you guys have? Stress eating. Okay, Carl. I can't stop what? See what else we got. Stress eating.

All right.

Now same word, new sentence. I am pre— a person Who doesn't need what? I am a person who doesn't need fill in the blank what. You feel that? Same word, same behavior, completely different signal to your gut brain. Brain. I can't stop keeps you in the battle. I am a person who doesn't need it changes your identity completely. That swap right there is the beginning of the rewire, and now we're going to lock it in. All right, we're going in. Find a position Sit up with your feet flat on the floor. If you're somewhere you can close your eyes, do so, or let your eyes gently settle in a gaze. Now take one breath in through your nose.

Hold. Now let it all out through your mouth.

Slow. One more time. Breathe in. Hold.

And let it go. Good.

Let your shoulders drop.

Let your jaw soften.

You don't have to be anywhere right now because you're here.

Now I want you to think of a habit, the one The one that keeps coming back. Don't fight it. Don't judge it. Just let it surface. Now go to the exact moment it fires. The trigger. The moment just before. Where are you? What's around you? What's in the room? What are you feeling in your body right before the pattern runs? Is it in your chest, your gut, your hands. Just notice it, name it, without judging it. This is the moment your gut brain has been taking over. You've given it this rep hundreds of times. And today we give it a different one. You're at that moment the old pattern is about to run, and this time, before it completes, you feel both feet flat on the floor. Just that— the floor, your feet, this moment. And you say inside to yourself who you are now. I am someone who— fill in the blank. Say it with your full identity behind it. Not a wish, not a goal. Who you are you already are right now in this moment. What does it feel like to be that person? Where do you feel it in your body? Stay with that feeling and let it settle in. Now go back to the trigger, same moment, and feel it again. This time, before the old pattern even gets off the ground, the The pause is already there.

It's faster now.

Your gut brain is starting to know this move. Feet on the floor. Your identity statement: I am someone who— Say it again. Now picture yourself acting from that identity. What does it look like? What are you doing differently? Who's watching you? And what do you feel coming from you now? Now lock in the image, the feeling, the version of you that already runs this reflex. Now one more time, but now go to a real moment this week, a specific one, a moment you know the trigger is going to fire. You're there. The trigger arrives, and before anything else, the pause, the floor, the identity. And you move from that place, not fighting the old habit, but simply being the person who doesn't need it.

3 reps.

Your gut brain has new data. It now has a pattern that ends differently. Hold that and stay with it. Now, before you come back, I want you to find a spot. Put your hand on your heart, or squeeze your two fingers on your wrist, or press your palm flat on your legs. Just find a spot that's yours, somewhere on your body that you can return to. That spot is now your anchor. Every time you go to that spot this week, your body will remember this version of you. Now keep your eyes closed. Take a deep breath in and exhale through your mouth.

Locked in.

Now I'm going to count you back. 3, start to feel the room around you and any sounds. 2, let a small breath come in and wiggle your fingers and toes. And 1, you are back. Open your eyes and welcome back.

Here's what just happened. Your gut brain ran the pattern, the trigger, the feeling, the response 3 times, except this time it ran a different ending. Your gut brain is cannot tell the difference between real and vividly rehearsed, which means it just got 3 reps of the new reflex. See, you didn't just think about changing, you practiced it. And that's the difference between knowing better and being different. The anchor spot you found, That's your return point this week. Touch it when the trigger fires and it'll bring you right back here. So the reflex homework, go ahead and write this down, type it, do whatever. Shane, later, can you put it inside the chat so they can copy it? The habit, number 1, what have I been practicing without choosing to? Okay, number 1, what have I been practicing without choosing to? Number 2, the identity replacement. Who am I now? I am someone who—

fill in the blank.

Number 3, the stack. What existing trigger do I attach it to? After I do this, drink my cup of coffee, whatever it is, I will do this. All right, number 4. The reflex alarm. Name it after the new identity, not reminder, the alarm name. So fill in your alarm name and what time it goes off to remind you of your new identity. All right, of the thing we're trying to break. Then number 5, a reflection question. Think about the relationship where you perform the most. The one where you show up as a managed version of you. What would happen if you showed up completely real there this week?

Write what you're afraid would happen.

Then write what might actually happen. See, that gap is where your next rep lives. And one more thing before we close, remember what I said earlier about The people who reach for their phones for different reasons. The one who can't stand the silence. The one who can't stand no to the notification. The one who's afraid of finishing. The one who disappeared when things get real. See, each of those is a different reflex pattern running underneath the same behavior, and each one has a completely different first move. Same surface habit, different wiring, different solution. I built a free assessment that has 7 questions, takes about 2 minutes, that tells you exactly which reflex type you are. Not a personality quiz, not a label. It gives you your specific pattern and your first moves this week. If today landed for you, if you recognize yourself in any of this, that assessment is your next step. 5sr.org/quiz. Shane dropped the link in the chat right now. See, 2 minutes free, your first move specific to your wiring. One last thing, and this is for the person sitting next to you. Not physically, the person you thought of during this session, the one whose face came up, you know who it is. If any part of today felt like they need to hear this, send them the link. Not because you're trying to fix them, because you care enough to hand them something that might change their week. The link is in 5sr.org/SaturdayReset free every week. Forward it, drop it in a text, and that's it. And before we go, together, say it with me. All right, we wake up. Come on, say it with me. We wake up, we choose, and we bring everyone we love with us. So that's the work. That's why we're here. You showed up for yourself today, and that matters. I'll see you next Saturday. Keep training!

1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, go! I choose this life.