Why you self-sabotage (Replay) - Live Saturday Reset with Jerry S Lin

Today's topic is self-sabotage. But not the kind people talk about on Instagram. Not the "I'm lazy" or "I'm scared" kind. The kind that shows up exactly when things start working. The kind that makes no logical sense. The kind that makes you feel like you're your own worst enemy. See, that's the one we're going after today. But before I tell you anything about this, I want you to think of a moment. Just one moment where something was working, a deal, a relationship, a job, a goal. Something that was actually going your way. And then you did something or you didn't do something to fuck it up. And you're still not sure why. See, hold that moment. We're coming back to it. See, I was in 7th grade, um, 1987-ish. My parents were in Taiwan and, uh, they were there for the whole fall semester. I was living at my auntie's basement and I decided for some reason I can't fully explain to run for student body president at my middle school. See, now this was what, 1987, '88? Almost nobody had a computer at home back then. I had two. And so I printed up these 6-foot banners with that dot matrix, you know, paper that had those little dots on the side, I don't know if you remember, and it would go 6-foot long, said, "Vote for the best, vote for Jerry Lin." And you know, it was printed pretty professional looking, had professional looking flyers. And while everyone else was hand lettering on poster board, I was showing up with something that looked like it came from a print shop. You know, it does help that my dad ran a print shop. So during our quick debate, I spoke good about the opposing candidate as well because I believed in telling the truth. Fighting fair, doing the right thing. See, I had every advantage and it was working. I could feel it. People were actually going to vote for me without smear campaigns. See, Election Day came and I walked up to the ballot and I voted. For the other candidate. Guess how many votes she won by, guys? Take a guess. No, no, not by 1 vote. By 3. She won by 3 votes. That's how close it was. See, part of me was crushed, but part of me To be honest, was relieved. And I told myself I was being humble, polite, the right thing to do even though she talked negatively about me. I rode on the high horse in second place by 3 votes, which really was 1 vote if I voted for myself. You know that feeling? Like you've been waiting in line at a party, patient, kind of following the rules, staying in line, and you finally get to the front and there's one piece of chicken left. It's yours. You earned it. And you look behind you and you see your friend back there. And something in you just says, "Here, take it," and you put it on their plate. You walk away hungry and you call it kindness. Ever done that? See, way later in life, in 2021, I did a deal on the table. The Aurora RV Park, sitting on this beautiful lake. You know, the kind of property where you drive up and just, you just feel it. This is it. And let me show you a quick video of what this looked like. See, I put together this great offer, structured it So the original owner got more than he expected, figured out a way I could double my money in just 3 years with some operational tweaks. He shook my hand, we were done. Then another buyer came along in just 12 hours later, a higher number, 30% higher than mine. Actually, it's high six figures. The owner was willing to honor our handshake for over $800K, but I told him to take the other offer, man. I couldn't do it. I didn't just walk away. I helped the other buyer close it. I walked them through the whole deal, made sure it went through. Yeah. And at the end, He gave me a small consulting fee. You know, I'm still friends with him now, Shane, and a few of you guys might have been up there with me. I got paid a small check for helping someone else take the thing I already had. And I told myself it was the right thing. I didn't want the original owner to lose out. Noble, right? Generous, right? Selfless? You know what that actually was? That was a guy who believed or didn't believe he was supposed to have it dressed up in a story that made him sound like a good person. Have you ever given something back you already had and found a really good reason why? Think about that for a second. And then there's the one that I'm still working on right now. My divorce. Hate to say it, but I gave away more than any court would have ever ordered, more than was asked, more than what was fair. Even as things got harder on my end, I just thought about it. I can just make more, right? And I kept doing it even when I was being bad-mouthed to my own community, even when my family was being cut off, even when it cost me things that still hurt today. And I called it integrity. I called it being the bigger person, right? I called it— it's the right things to do. The next right thing. But here's what I eventually had to admit to myself. Part of me was giving to feel less bad. Not because it was right, because it gave enough. Maybe if I just gave more, maybe I could feel like the better one. See, that's not generosity, guys. That's a reflex trying to manage pain. And I'm not telling you this because I've got it all figured out. I'm telling you this because I recognize it now. Which is the first rep. How many of you are in some version of that right now? Giving more than you should, staying quieter than you deserve, being the bigger person and slowly disappearing in the process. Trust me, I know about that. The election, the RV park, the divorce— same pattern, just different costumes. See, the moment things were about to work, something hit a ceiling and found the most noble, generous, humble reason to stay right where it was. This isn't a character flaw. This is a reflex, and today we're gonna find it. Here's what nobody tells you about self-sabotage. It doesn't happen because you're broken. It doesn't happen because you're lazy. It doesn't even happen because you're afraid. At least not the way you think. It happens because your gut, your autopilot brain, has a ceiling. Think of it like a thermostat and you set that thermostat to 68 degrees. The room gets warm, the AC kicks on and brings it back down to 68 degrees. The room gets cold, the heater kicks in, brings it back to 68 degrees. See, your gut brain has a thermostat too, but instead of temperature, it's set to the level of success, visibility, love, or power that matches what you were programmed to believe you deserve. The moment you go above that setting, you see it disappears. The system kicks in and brings you right back down every time. And it finds the most logical, noble, generous reasons to do it so you never feel the reflex. You just make a decision and wonder later why you did it. I call that the ceiling reflex. It's not about fear or failure. It's about fear of going higher than your gut believes is home. See, you actually have 3 brains, not 1. Your head brain, the thinker, logic, planning, analysis, the one that you think runs your life. And then you have your heart brain, the feeler, connection, love, belonging. And then you have your gut brain, the survivor, the pattern detect— the detector, the autopilot, the habit machine. See, your head brain reads the room and says, this is an opportunity Your heart brain says, "I want this feeling right now." And then your gut brain doesn't read the room, it reads the archive. Every past experience, every story, every lesson about what happens to people like you when they go too far. And if the archive says, the ceiling is here, your gut brain will find a way. Even if your head brain is screaming, even if your heart brain is aching. Here's what I want you to understand. That reflex was not trying to hurt you. It was protecting you. Somewhere at some point, maybe early, maybe painful, your system learned that going higher than this certain point wasn't safe, wasn't familiar, wasn't for someone like you. And guess what it did? It stored that lesson and it enforces it faithfully, automatically, every time. But here's the gap. That lesson was written in a different chapter, and your gut brain never got the update. Okay, I need you to do something with me right now. Go ahead and stand up if you can. Okay, that's fine. Stay where you are. I'm getting cut. On my headset. All right, stick your arm straight into the air and reach as far as you can reach, as far as you can, just reach up, okay? Now I want you to lift your arm as high as you can, notice where it stops, and that's your natural range, okay? All right, go ahead, put it back down. All right. Now try to go to a higher spot. Push past where it stopped. Force it. Go ahead, force it. Try to get it even higher. See, a little higher, maybe. Look at where your hand is now. But that's the limit. That's where the body ceiling is. Bring it back down. Okay, now before you lift, I want you to close your eyes just for 5 seconds. All right? Close your eyes. Imagine your arm is light, weightless, like it's floating up. Not pushed, pulled up like a balloon is tied to your wrist with helium and it's pulling it up lightly. Hold and imagine that. Okay, now open your eyes. And lift your arm again. How far did you go this time? How far? Come on, guys, tell me. Did it go farther? Yeah, see, for most people, that arm goes higher, not because the muscle changed, because the story changed. Interesting, huh? You can sit back down now. Go ahead and sit back down. See, what just happened was your gut brain doesn't know the difference between what's imagined and what's real. It responds to the story that you're running. So if the story is, "I have a ceiling," your whole system enforces it. If the story is, "I'm rising, it's safe, I belong here," off the screen, your whole system expands toward it. The self-sabotage isn't the problem. The story running underneath it, that's the wiring we're here to interrupt. So here's the question: if the ceiling reflex fires automatically, when do you catch it? See, there is a window. It's small, it's about 5 seconds, but it's there. It's the moment right before the noble reason shows up, the moment where something in you just hesitates, where the momentum slows down and you don't know why, where the feeling is, "Maybe I shouldn't." "Hmm, maybe this isn't for me." "Maybe it's better if someone else..." You fill in the blank. That is the window that hesitation— that's your gut brain reaching for the thermostat. And you can feel it in your body before you can name it in your head. So step 1, you gotta recognize the hesitation in your body. Don't analyze it, don't explain it, just notice it. Does your chest tighten? Does your breathing slow? Something pulls you back. That's the ceiling announcing itself. Then step 2: name it out loud or in writing. I'm at the ceiling. Not I'm nervous or I'm not sure. I'm at the ceiling. My gut is enforcing the old story. Naming it activates your head brain. And now you have 3 brains in the room instead of 1. Step 3: Choose the smallest action anyway. Not the whole dream, not the big leap. The smallest action that moves you through the hesitation. Make the call, sign the paper, stay in the room. One rep. That's how you rewrite The archive. Not with insight, with repetition. Because here's the truth: the gut brain learns by what you practice, not by what you know. And every time you do the thing at the ceiling, the ceiling moves. All right. I want you to come with me for a few minutes.

Find a comfortable position.

If you need to close your eyes, close them.

If you can't, just soften your gaze.

Let the screen blur just a little.

And take one slow breath in through your nose. And let it go through your mouth all the way out.

One more in.

Let it go off. Good. Now let your shoulders drop. Let your jaw soften. You're not fixing anything right now.

You're just here.

I want you to bring a moment to mind, not a new one, one you already know. A moment where things were working, something good was happening—

a deal, a relationship, an opportunity.

Something you'd worked for, and something in you just tapped the brakes. Don't judge it, don't analyze it, just see it.

Where were you when it happened?

What were you about to do? What did the hesitation feel like? Just notice, no story.

Jerry Lin. Just the feeling.

Now I want you to find the version of you in that moment. The one who was about to tap the brakes. Look at them. Not with judgment.

Not with frustration.

Just look at them. They were doing the only thing they knew how to do. They were protecting you from something that once felt dangerous, from something that once felt like too much. They weren't your enemy. They were the best version of you for that chapter. If you could say one thing to them right now, what would it be? Now let that scene play again. Same moment, same place, but this time you're in it. The hesitation comes. You feel it, and something in you says I'm at the ceiling and I'm going through it. Now watch yourself take the action. Don't force it, just let it happen. Watch what you do. What does it feel like in your body? What changes around you? Stay here. Hold this. This feeling right now is the new archive. Every time you come back to this, you give your gut brain one more rep of a different story. Before you come back, I want you to bring one hand up from this place and This version of you who went through the ceiling, I want you to clap once for showing up. One more for being honest.

One more for choosing Now take one slow breath in through the nose and let it go. Ha! And come back to the room. Welcome back. Before you go, Here's your homework. One reflection written, not in your head, on paper or on your phone. The prompt is this: Write about the last time things were going well and you pulled back. What was happening? What was the hesitation in your body, not just in your head? What was the noble reason that you gave yourself for doing it? And then, what story was underneath it? Don't try to fix it, just see it. See it clearly is already the first rep. So Shane, go ahead and drop those questions in for them. Set an alarm for tomorrow morning as well and name it "ceiling check." Okay? "Ceiling check." And when it goes off, write one sentence. "Where is my ceiling showing up this week?" That's it. "Where's my ceiling showing up this week?" One sentence. That's the rep. All right, before we go, repeat after me. We wake up. Come on, guys. We wake up. We choose how we want to live. And we bring everyone we love with us. See, it takes something to show up on Saturday morning and look at this stuff. I built these sessions around what you're actually dealing with. So go ahead and drop in the comments right now, what's the one thing you want to work on next week? One word, one sentence, whatever's sitting with you. That's how I build what I come up with next. All right, go and put it in there. We'll catch it. Shane, write those down for me, please. Thank you. And I'll be here every Saturday, same room, same time. Thank you for being here today, seriously. And for those who want to keep going today, I'm going to close the live streams in just a moment. If you want to stick around, go ahead and drop a 1 in the chat, and I'll be right back and, uh, we can keep going. All right, everyone else, I'll see you guys next week. Go do your homework, set the alarm, name it Ceiling Check. All right, you got this. See you guys next week.