No One Cares. Just Win. | Ep 887

Let's say you've got $10,000 saved up. That's your life savings. And let's say that you lose $1,000. That would be pretty traumatic. That's 10% of everything you have. Now, the question is, what does it change about what you do? Does it change the food you eat? Does it change the car you drive? Does it change where you live? It usually changes absolutely nothing. But then we choose to feel terrible about it because for whatever reason, that's what we choose to do. The key word there is choice. We choose that. We choose to then feel terrible. And so equally, we could say, I choose to not feel terrible because it changes nothing about my life. What's going on, everyone? I had a long conversation with an old-time friend over, you know, a few weeks back, and there was a statement that he said that has really gotten my head turning. And what I want to do is reach— kind of read that story to you and then kind of talk about it. And so the big theme of this though is that no one cares, just when. And so I remember I asked him, I said, hey, do you mind if I make a piece of content about this? He was like, sure, but what about, you know, from our long conversation? I said, you said this thing, if I'm gonna fail, I'd rather it be on me. And I thought about that a lot, and I was like— and he's like, well, what, what about that, you know, was interesting to you? He said, I honestly needed to have that happen to realize that I can't do it on my own, otherwise it'd be easy to put that blame on somebody else. And so I responded with How could you put blame on someone else? And he said, well, you know, saying like, hey, I failed because I used someone else's system, or I failed because, you know, so-and-so didn't keep their end of the deal or didn't do their responsibilities, or I failed because they ruined my business by doing X, Y, and Z. And they're all basically just like cop-outs, you know, when your mind gets kind of weak, right? They're kind of like excuses. But I hate to say that I've witnessed this happen too many times. And this is all him saying this. And I said, Huh. I said, fault's funny because it just doesn't matter, right? Like, no one thinks to themselves like, hey, that worked out really well for him. I wonder whose fault it is, right? Whose fault is it that it worked out? We only think fault in the negative. We don't think fault in the positive, right? And so anyways, I bring this up to him and he says, I have a visceral understanding of the fact that I need better systems, better leverage, and better people around me to make that Next chapter happened. And so I have to stop hiding. And so in thinking about this, I was like, no one asks whose fault it is when it works. And the reality is that 2 years from now, like when you think about the championship Super Bowl game or the quarterbacks who've, who've hit these records, no one's like, hey, you know, that guy got really good calls from the ref. Hey, that, you know, it was really raining that day. No one remembers. They just remember who won. And so I think that this is a really interesting thought line that I wanted to kind of dive into because the individual in question did something in the fitness space. And so I reached out and I was like, why didn't you ask me for help? And this was basically his response was that he, you know, he didn't— he wanted the failure to be on his own if he was going to fail. And it was such in contrast to how I've seen the world that I thought it was worth making. Because for any of you who have this worldview, I think it does you a tremendous disservice. Because my perspective has always been it will always be my fault and no one will care what I got help or who I got help from. They will just know whether I won or lost, period. And so the reason that the background on my phone— like, I'm so passionate about this. Like, the background on my phone is two words. It's just win. That's it. It's just win. And when I think about that, it's like, no one cares. Just no one cares. No one's going to ask, how many people did you get help with? Before you failed. They just are going to know whether you failed or not. And I think it's ridiculous to live life this way because the real real is that underneath of this is actually ego. It's wanting, it's not being able to say, I don't know, please help. And so it means that many people would rather maintain their egos and fail than win. And so I think a lot of beginners are stuck there. They're actually stuck in their own pride. They don't reach out for help. They don't consume content because they think they're smart enough. And this is something that's really common amongst people who identify as being intelligent. That's actually what's really interesting. So I think this is why I think humility is such an important part of, of getting to where you want to go, is that you have to be able to say, I don't know. You have to be able to say, I failed, or I couldn't figure it out. And so if you can't do that, right, because you probably maintain some certain aura, some sort of image to the people around you of like, oh, he's a smart guy, or he was always good at school, or whatever the thing is, like, and then you see somebody else who was dumb at school all of a sudden succeed, it's 'cause usually they're okay being like, I don't know, can somebody help me? Right? But if you're the smart one of the people you know, then you're not willing to do that 'cause you have to humble yourself. But the thing is, is that the work has to be done, the learning has to get learned, and so it's just, The question is, what format or what mental soup do I need to have in my head that maximizes the likelihood that I will learn faster than other people? And I think humility is one part of that soup. Like, you have to be humble enough to listen, to ask, right? And you can learn anything you want as long as you're willing to look dumb in front of other people for an extended period of time. I think the most underrated, money-making habit is being willing to look stupid. Because one of the surest ways to never succeed in life is to avoid looking dumb, is to avoid failing. And what's really interesting about this is that risk is guaranteed. And so there's this thing that people have, this misconception, this fallacy about how life works, which is they want to avoid risk. But the thing is, is that all great things come with risk, right? Like, if you, if you, if you, if you put an idea out there, you risk ridicule. If you want to fall in love, you risk rejection. Like, if you want to have intimacy, right, you risk vulnerability. Like, all of these things have— every— wherever there is joy, there is suffering, and wherever there is suffering, there's potential for joy. And so the thing is, is that most of these elements that we want out of life are double-edged swords. They're two sides to the same coin. And so we want one side without the other. We want the sunny days without the rainy days, but it's just weather, right? And the only way you can avoid that is by never going outside. But I think if you never go outside, I think you miss out on life. And so I think to the same degree, like, that missing out on risk is that we have this big fear of this thing when the reality is that if you risk nothing, you become nothing. You are nothing, because nothing ventured, nothing gained. You're not going to get what you want by never risking what you have. And the thing is, is that the things that we have aren't always material. And I think this is actually one of the big misconceptions of people who are starting out, is like, I can easily stand here and say you were the most dangerous in the beginning because you have nothing to lose. But the thing is, is that almost everyone has things to lose, and most of the things that they have to lose in the beginning are in their head. And that's why it's so difficult, because what you have to lose is your social standing. What you have to lose is looking, looking smart in front of your friends. What you have to lose is being the more successful one of your medium group or your low group of friends or the people who know you. Or maybe you're the first one to go to college in your family and you're the prodigal son or the prodigal daughter. And so if you go out and fail, all of a sudden this whole image that you have, you know, perfectly manicured and created for your friends and family gets shat, like it vanishes, right? And your whole identity is wrapped up in this. But I think that what we have to do is we have to invest our identity in different things. I think we have to invest our identity in our behaviors. Rather than what other people believe us to be. And so the thing is, is that if we think about our identity as this thing, it's like, do we have an antifragile identity? Do we have an identity that can withstand external circumstances changing? And I only bring this up because it was so hard for me. And also, you know, getting kicked in the nuts multiple times and losing everything tends to make you question like, what, who am I? And where is my identity rooted? And so this is something that I've been thinking a lot about right now because this year transparently has been a super hard year for me. but I, I, I keep asking myself the question of like, where does my identity live? Right. And this is why I think so much about behaviors because we try to say like, you know, you need someone. I remember I saw this tweet. It was like, everyone is afraid of, of, of, you know, I don't like it that other people judge me for what I do or they love me for what I do rather than loving me for who I am. And I saw this quote and a lot of people were liking and commenting on it. And then it had a follow-up to this, which was, do I love me for what I do or do I love me for who I am? And I think this sounds very pithy and very rhetorical. It sounds nice, but I think if you were to ask the question, what is the difference between who you are and what you do? You get a very interesting answer, which is it's very hard to describe who someone is without describing what they do, which is why for me, doing is being. And so then it goes into, okay, if doing is being, then who I am is what I do, rather than who I am is what other people think I do. And so that means that when external circumstances get bad, what do I do? That is who I am. And so by do it, by shifting that perspective, your identity becomes rooted in the actions that you can control. Your identity becomes under your control. And then by extension, the ups and downs, the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the external status that people give you, for the things you can do potentially for them or otherwise, then starts to disappear. And I think it allows you to take the big risks that you know you need to take. Hey guys, thank you so much for your consistent sharing of the podcast. It's like, honestly, I'm blown away. And so if you enjoyed this, would you please send a text, Slack, or, you know, Instagram share to the people that you think this would be helpful for, whether it's your business partner, your spouse, your employees, your team, your coworkers, your vendors. Your best friends, your enemies, your dog, your grandmother, anybody that you think would get value from this. That's ultimately how the podcast grows. So thank you. And so I'll give this, this example, but like when I started, you know, my gym business to put us, you know, put this in perspective, I signed up for a mastermind of gym owners when I didn't own a gym. Think of how, like how ridiculous that is. Like I started at a mastermind. I paid money even though I didn't have a gym to be with a bunch of gym owners. Now, to me, it made complete sense because I was like, well, why would I want to just go make mistakes first and then go here? I was like, I might as well learn, you know, where to put the best location and how much to pay for rent and, you know, where to buy my equipment and where are the best workouts and how do I find trainers. I was like, I might as well ask them who have 5, 10 years each in, you know, industry experience and I'll just start day 1, 10 years ahead. Duh, right? The thing is, is that that seems so foreign and I don't know why it seems so foreign. Why would you not ask for help? And the only reason I can think of is that you have an ego. Like, I just, I don't know the other reason. Like, why would you not ask for help? And so I always tried to take the perspective of like, I want to be the biggest success story of every mentor, of every person who's ever given me advice, of every vendor I've ever worked with. And that's fundamentally been my quote secret is I do everything that someone else tells me to do to the T the first time. And then I take what works and then I toss the rest. And I fundamentally believe kind of, I think either Thoreau said this or Emerson, I can't remember, but it was like, I can learn something from everyone. And in that, they are my superior. And so basically everyone is better than you at something. And in that, you can learn from them. And so rather than having this judgmental perspective of like, I'm better than everyone, which is fundamentally all rooted in ego, like you can always find, and this is something that I've seen of people who are ultra wealthy that, that, that, you know, in my, in my life is that they will actually be interested in people who are significantly below them in status because they will just think, how do I ROI this time? And they will just search for something that this person knows more about or is better than them at. And then they just hone in on that. And what's great is that the person who's kind of below them in status is very happy to share the thing that they're really good at. But in that moment, who's better off at the end? Well, you can make the argument the person who's below in status feels great about themselves, because the person who's above is asking them questions, telling them it's so interesting. But the person who leaves with more information than they started is the one who asked the questions, who's the one who humbled themselves and said, I don't know anything about motorcycles, tell me about motorcycles, right? I don't know how to fix HVAC fans, like tell me about that. Like, what else am I gonna do? I'm here and we're together and I can learn from you. But at the end of the day, one of my favorite perspectives on kind of these types of hardships is, it was actually on the Sword of Gryffindor, but I think it's so profound, is that the, the dwarves who made it, or the goblins who made it, had this kind of spell on it, which was that it only takes in that which makes it stronger. And I just love that as a, as a perspective for me on life, which is that like, one, you only like everything that occurs to us is there, is there a way, is there a timeline, is there a version of the universe where I get better from this? And this has just been very top of mind because 2025 has been probably the hardest year out of my last 8 years. I know that because I ranked all my years. It's the hardest year of my last 8. But I thought to myself, like, well, historically, when I have very bad years, I typically have really good things that happen afterwards. So what is the good thing that's going to come from this? What is the lesson that I need to learn? What is the friction, you know, that I'm getting rubbed against that I need to get reshaped in some way? And I've had some really interesting kind of like mental breakthroughs in terms of what I'm planning to change about my behavior going forward. But I will, I'll give you this other kind of mental frame that's helped me through this, which is when something bad happens, a lot of the things that are bad happen only and exclusively in your mind. And so I'll give you an example. So let's say, let's say you've got $10,000 saved up. That's your life savings. Okay. And let's say that you lose $1,000. That would be pretty traumatic, right? It's 10% of everything you have. Now the question is, what does it change about what you do? Does it change the food you eat? Does it change the car you drive? Does it change where you live? What does it actually change? It usually changes absolutely nothing. But then we choose to feel terrible about it because, because for whatever reason, that's what we choose to do. But the key word there is choice. We choose that. We choose to then feel terrible. And so equally, we could say, I choose to not feel terrible because it changes nothing about my life. And so I've used this as this great framework for like, what does this change about my identity? Does it change my job? Does it change what I eat? Does it change who I'm married to? What does it change about my life? And most things change absolutely nothing about your life. And so it's really just absolutely voluntary suffering that we choose to subscribe to. We're like, you know, opt me into that suffering. That sounds good, right? Of course not. And so back to the risk of what we're willing to do or willing to take in order to win is that no one will remember that you asked for help. And you can never expect someone to invest in you more than you invest in yourself, because at the end of the day, they will only remember if you win. And so for me, I always think to myself, progress is greater than pride. And the thing is, is like, there's only one person's pride that I want, which is my own, is that I'm proud of myself. Because the thing is, is that most of the people in my life will not be here for the rest of my life. Well, guaranteed will not be the rest of my life. Right? Like, either they will die or I will die, but one of us will end. And so the idea that I'm going to dictate the few brief moments I have in this existence based on someone else's perception of me feels like a pretty terrible way to live. And I say this because it's like, well, obviously we all know that, but we still do it. And so it's like, what are the mental frameworks that we have? And so I like to remind myself that winners write history. But here's the cool part, is that if you win and when you win, you get to have a revisionist history of your own life. Like you can basically rewrite your own history so that you can make it whatever you want. Because what's really, really weird and very trippy that I think about a lot is that your life only exists in your mind. Like memory in of itself, like if you start looking into the science of memory, it's wildly inaccurate. Like we remember our feelings about how things happen and like there's the great Fruit of the Loom hoax where everyone thinks that there's like this cornucopia of fruit on the tag for Fruit of the Loom, but there was never a big bunch of fruit on the tags for Fruit of the Loom. But we all have this collective memory around it and just shows how poor our memories really are. And so I used to think to myself that most of the time I'm actually not going to remember most of the suffering. And so I'll give you a really, really tactical version of this. So if you've ever accidentally drank too much and you're throwing up, right? And you're like, this is terrible. I remember thinking to myself, like, the first time that that happened, I was like, you know, I probably won't remember very much of this. And I was like, well, that's kind of refreshing. And so most of this suffering, when I look back on this, will be very, very short in terms of the memory, even though this may be 4 hours of me wrapped around a toilet. And so in thinking about this, it's like a lot of the suffering that we have to endure, we actually only remember as a moment, even though it may have lasted hours and days and months. There's just these highlight reels or these reverse highlight miserable moments that we remember. And so I think a lot about the concept of moments because we actually don't remember most of our lives, which is like very wild to consider. Like most of our lives are not recorded and we don't remember it. It just vanishes into nothing. And so all we have are these discrete moments that we just choose to ascribe to memory. And so when I think about that, a lot of times it's like, okay, that means that in the moment when something's good, I can think to myself, remember this. Try and demarcate this moment. And equally opposite, if something is bad, I can just be like, you know what, maybe I'm gonna compress this one, right? Like, I'm gonna choose to just be like, you know what, it was a brief moment when it might've been a month of just absolute misery. And I know that I'm gonna look back on 2025 and just be like, tough year, right? And then that's gonna be it. But the thing is, is like, if I didn't go out this year and ask other people for help, then I might make 2025, 2026, and 2027 all terrible years. And I would prefer to not have that happen. And so I think that what's interesting is that sometimes the people who have the hardest time asking for help are people who start to become successful. Maybe some of you in the beginning were easy to ask for help, but then you got the identity of becoming successful and then everyone around you gave you all the accolades, give you all the status, and now you're puffed up so you can't be perceived as less than. And so for me, I still to this day am willing to pay in time, pay in money, or pay in favors to do whatever I have to do in order to get other people to help me. Because you will be rewarded far more in life for your determination than your intelligence. And the problem is, is that determination just looks like a long string of failures until it works. And so like, you are rewarded for being able to endure the long string of failures more then you're rewarded for your intellect at avoiding them. Because the thing is, is that that suffering is guaranteed. You sticking it out is not. And so my TL;DR on this is that you have to incur risk, period. You will fail, period. The only thing that people remember over the long term, and often the only thing you will remember, is whether you won or not. And so do whatever it takes to win because you're probably only going to remember snippets of it. And everyone else isn't even thinking about it to begin with. With that, have an amazing Tuesday. I'll catch you guys on the flip side. Bye. Real quick, guys, I have a special, special gift for you for being loyal listeners of the podcast. Layla and I spent probably an entire quarter putting together our Scaling Roadmap. It's breaking scaling into 10 stages and across all 8 functions of the business. So you've got marketing, you've got sales, you've got product, you got customer success, you've got IT, you've got recruiting, HR, you've got finance. And we show the problems that emerge at every level of scale and how to graduate to the next level. It's all free and you can get it personalized to you. So it's about 30-ish pages for each of the stages. Once you answer the questions, it will tell you exactly where you're at and what you need to do to grow. It's about 14 hours of stuff, but it's narrowed down so that you only have to watch the part that's relevant to you, which will probably be about 90 minutes. 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