ANXIETY: Breaking the Mental Shackles

Anxiety in roofing sales is completely crippling. It makes us feel shackled. Shackled to having just total panic about leaving the house, about approaching a door, or driving up a long driveway. And when we're shackled by anxiety, which is fear in its own right, fear and worry, we end up having our income completely capped by this ceiling of our own internal roadblock. We, we end up struggling to feel motivated and actually get out and do the work. And if we don't get anxiety under control and have a tool to move through it, correct through, not around, then we will likely have a finite end of our time here in roofing sales. So in this video, I want to get real and share with you my own story that was inspired by two people. Scott, who commented on one of my videos, 10 tips for knocking doors for your first time, saying, can you please do a video anxiety? And then Josh, who messaged me privately saying, I get super anxious driving up long driveways. I don't know how to get around it. So whether you're someone who has experienced anxiety in just a small way, maybe it's in just certain situations or just cold calling, or maybe it's just your first few knocks of the day, or maybe you're someone that has crippling anxiety and has driven to neighborhoods and can't get out of your own vehicle. I want to share my own journey through this, not as a preacher, but as someone who's gone through it. Because what I haven't shared publicly is that I've struggled with anxiety in a really big way for most of my life. And in fact, as a child, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence in therapy specifically for anxiety. I had such bad anxiety that I didn't even sleep out of my own house until about 18 years old. I had panic attacks constantly as a child. And growing into roofing sales, it was a massive journey for me to learn how to overcome my. My own anxieties. But blending that with my tendencies to be a people pleaser because of a household environment that I grew up in. And these personal challenges were very, very intense. And I don't see enough people talking about this stuff in our industry. So I wanted to bring some heart, openness and vulnerability to the very real struggles that tons of people go through. But we oftentimes feel like we're the only ones going through it. So these are the questions that usually come privately or when I'm speaking at an event, and people will come up after. So, Scott and Josh, I just want to say thank you for being Vulnerable being real and inspiring. This video, and let's get right to it. Adam Bensman here, the roof strategist. Welcome or welcome back. Everything I do here is designed to help you and your team smash your income goal and give every customer an amazing experience. And I do what I do because I estimate that about 66% of sales reps quit or get fired in their very first year. And those that survive often quit or get fired later on because of not being prepared to succeed. And that includes up here between your ears, your mindset. And that's what we're going to cover today. So let's talk anxiety first. Anxiety is a very real thing that we must understand. And we can look at anxiety through the lens of fear. And fear is really what we're nervous about. So anxiety is a resistance to a feeling. This feeling bubbles up. I'm afraid, I'm worried, I'm anxious. And then we panic in that feeling and say, I don't want to feel that way. So we're afraid of the fear. That's what anxiety ultimately is, is fear of a feeling. And the more we resist that feeling, the larger it gets. And I want to share this through two stories. Number one is a gentleman that reached out to me. This was, I believe, last year. He's a combat veteran and he served and I can't recall if it was Iraq or Afghanistan. And he was in one of the most dangerous places where he was in firefights on the regular. He saw horrific stuff and his life was literally on the line. And he said to me in the email, and I'm paraphrasing, he said, he says, adam, I never once skipped a beat when I was in combat. But for some reason, the fear and anxiety of knocking doors is crippling. And I can't even get out of my own truck. Now, this is someone that literally their life was on the line, but they didn't skip a beat. But for some reason, this fear that we manufactured in our mind is what kept him from succeeding. So that's one story. And then I want to share another one as we understand fear. I remember going cliff jumping for the very first time. I was in Belize and I had to scramble up this river cliff. So we were in the river and we stopped and we were on the boat and we had to scramble up this cliff. And it was so spooky. It was a 40 foot jump and which for some sounds high. It was for me. For others, you're like, I've done bigger. Anyway, it scared the heck out of me, 40ft, really high up in the air. So we scrambled up this cliff, and it was so much so, like, so steep that if you slipped, there was no, like, no way to tumble except straight down onto the rocks. So you're scrambling up this cliff, your heart's going the whole way. You get to the top. And the guys that were guiding us were like, so you need to jump pretty far because there's really sharp rocks and it's not deep enough. So make sure you get, like, really far out, and then you'll be in the deep enough spot of the river. So I'm standing on the edge of this thing, looking down, and my heart is just going, like. And I remember that the longer I stood there anticipating this, the fear and anxiety of, is it going to hurt? How's it going to feel? Am I going to get far enough out? What if I drown? What if. What if I get stuck in the current? All these things are going through my mind. And the longer I stood there, the worse it got. And I remember the first time, then I'd be on the edge, I'd step back, I'd let someone else go, and I'd watch them like, okay, they were fine. All right, good, good. Like the canary in the coal mine. All right, next guy goes, all right, they're good. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, oh, man. And finally I just. I was like, I gotta face this thing. And I just went for it. I leaped or leapt, Leaped, leapt, leapt and leaped. Whatever it is, I jumped, man. I jumped and I did my little pencil dive and I went in and. And I remember being underwater and being like, like, so excited. Like, that was awesome. Like, I did it, and then I popped up and, like, we got to go do that again. And the lesson here, both in. In the story of the gentleman who was in combat and this cliff jumping, which I realize are not even comparable, is that the only way through anxiety is again, through it, not around it. You have to face it. So we recognize the fact that anxiety is a resistance to a feeling. When we can then say, okay, I have this feeling. And the only way through it is not to resist it and push back or try to, like, fight it out, but to just hit it head on. And that's what we're going to be learning how to do now. So first, let's talk. What is fear? There's a great analogy that I've learned about fear, which stands for F, E, A, R. Feeling excited and ready. Feeling excited and ready, which allows us to rewire our mind. And then we feel that fear, anxiety. Like when I was sitting on the edge of the cliff and we. And I was like, man, I'm frigging afraid. I'm scared. I was like, ah, fear. I am feeling excited and ready. Go. And then I could jump. All right, so when we consciously rewire our mind, we can now look at those feelings of fear and embrace them. Feeling excited and ready. Now next is. Let's take a look at this through logic. What often helps is to grab a pen and a piece of paper and start journaling. What are you afraid of? What are you anxious about? And I'll start your list with you. How. How about that? Number one, feeling rejected. Number two, freezing. Number three, not knowing what to say at all. Number four, afraid of conflict and people screaming at me. Number five, feeling like a failure. All those things, those to me were the big five. And I'm curious to hear from you. And if there's more, drop it in the comment section below and hopefully it will inspire others to be real and vulnerable with what it's like to be out in the field. And I know there's some people, by the way, that like, commented one of my videos, like, not all of us get anxious. Get to the tactics. I'm like, great. I'm pumped that you don't. And I don't now, but I remember when it was a big deal. It was the biggest deal of my life, which is why I want to do this video. So write down those big fears and when you approach them logically, you now have some coping mechanisms of how to tackle those, which I'm going to share with you here. Now, I learned this and I have to give full credit where credit is due from Barry McDonough, who wrote this book, Dare the New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks. I did listen to it on Audible and I would recommend it in that format, but you can do it however you want. DARE Book. Now, this book here was far more valuable. And I mean, like I was in therapy as a small child for anxiety for as long as I can remember struggling with it in a very real way. Not once did I experience any sense of relief or ways to encounter it versus talking around it. Until I read the DARE Book and I learned what he calls the DARE response. Okay, now the first thing that we want to do, now that we've got this framework which go ahead and read because it's not up to me to teach his Barry McDonough's framework here, but I want to just give some Insights into some of the key concepts that helped me the most. And that is when I understood the logic of what I was anxious and afraid of. I just listed it out. And then the first part is diffusing. That's the D. And diffusing is. Is literally experiencing that anxiety and saying, so what? Whatever. Like, so what if I get rejected? That's life, that's sales. So what if I freeze? Then I'm going to learn how to not freeze next time. So what if there's conflict and they're mad? I can't serve everybody. It's not a personal attack on me. And learning how to use that rewiring fear feeling, feeling excited and ready. Sorry about that brain fart. Next one is logic. Listing out all those things I'm afraid of allows that opportunity to approach this stuff head on and be like, wait a minute, that's kind of silly. I'm really not afraid of that stuff. And then using the tools in the DARE response, which I highly recommend to accept and allow, that's the A, R is to run towards as opposed to hide from. And E is engage, meaning turn your attention back to what you're doing. And it sounds crazy simple. And it is. And when I first read that book, I was like, that's a little weird. That's kind of a little cheesy. And it has truly, truly changed my life. And in fact, the last tool that I want to share before I wrap this up with the final call to action for you of what you can do is Barry McDonough talked in there about giving your fear a Persona. So when it. In your anxiety Persona. So when it sneaks in, you can name it like, it's a little character. So my little anxiety thing, I can't share his name because it's actually quite explicit, but it helps me feel empowered. But it's a little troll with pink hair and a pink tutu. And I call him the little bee. You can fill in the blanks. My little bee. And my little bee comes. And now, like, I was out on a run the other day, and this is. I was. I was totally, like, cashed. Like, like, I'm. I live up in the mountains. I'm running uphill and my heart is pounding. I just want to quit and walk. And I'm like, oh, that's just my little bee. He popped up his little pink tutu. And I visualized that every single step I took was like death by. By a thousand cuts. Every step was a little knife cut. And I just bled them out. I Felt so empowered. And you know what's funny is even after doing that really cheesy thing of again, letting those intrusive thoughts of being afraid or anxious or feel for or wanting to quit, whatever negative dialogue, that was garbage, now when he comes up, I just kill him. In my mind, I knock him out. And it's been really helpful. And I know that may sound stupid cheesy, and I feel so vulnerable sharing this publicly, but it has truly helped me. And that's why I want to give you these tools. I of first, acknowledging that anxiety and logically listening what you're afraid of. Next, reorienting fear, feeling excited and ready. Third, naming your little. Your little anxiety demon that shows up and visualizing him so you can be like, oh, hey, friend. All right, well, I'm going to win this one, right? And then the final piece, after reading the dare book, which again, I'm going to put that up on the screen so you can see it. Get this book and read it. And even when you're getting into parts that you don't feel like apply to you, I would highly recommend that you stick with it, because they often will. Now, my final call to action is this. You need to practice. The only way through anxiety is through it. It's not around. If you want to get over it, you have to go through it. Now, applying what I learned in that book and making some lifestyle changes has been game changing for me, and I'm going to share those lifestyle changes with you right now. Number one is sleep. I was someone that wasn't sleeping a whole bunch, and Now I'm getting eight to 10 hours a night. Eight is bare bones minimum. Sleep is restorative and mission critical. And I had to drop my bro y nature of like going to bed later, waking up earlier. There's only so much time in the day. Seize every moment. And it just, it wasn't practical in the long run. Okay. Number two was eliminating caffeine. Because if you are someone that struggles with anxiety, caffeine will zip you up and you got to dial it back. So I've switched to herbal teas instead of caffeine, and I don't do caffeine at all. Number three is an aggressive workout. I run every single morning. And I don't do it for my physical health. I do it for my mental health. And that has given me an outlet to kind of burn the energy out. Because cortisol is higher in the morning, meaning the stress hormone naturally is higher. So if you're someone with anxiety that wakes up 3, 4 in the morning with your mind spinning or the minute you wake up, you're just anxious about the day, you're running through your to do list. You got all these things to do. Instead of getting into it, go burn a bunch of energy, high intensity workout, whatever that might mean for you. So those are the three biggest things. And then I'm obviously not a nutritionist, but I've heard and it's worked for me, that magnesium, the proper form of magnesium, which Barry McDonough again shares at the end of the book, what types to take morning and night has been monumentally helpful along with using that dare response. So I hope this helps you tackle anxiety. And if you've struggled with it, I'd love to hear from you in the comment section below. And together we can bring a bit more of a real voice to what we go through in this industry. And if you're someone that had it and doesn't anymore, welcome to the great side. I've got about that much left, but I feel like a completely different human being and it's been the most freeing feeling in the entire world to be me and bring me to serve the world better. And my friend, that is exactly what I want to see for you. Bringing your authentic, true self that is unshackled to be the best servant you can for everyone that you serve. So that's all for this video. Thanks again for joining me here and I can't wait to hear your story. Now just because this video is about to wrap up, it doesn't mean you're in. My time has to. So if you haven't done it yet, hop into my free training center right here and if you want to hang with me here on YouTube, they're going to think I think you're going to really like this video. We'll see you soon.