Are you the ‘office parent’? The downsides of being the workplace caregiver

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While most teams have managers and team leads, many also have something less official but just as recognizable: the workplace parent. They're the go-to for advice, even for things that may not even be related to work. They remember birthdays, organize celebrations, and somehow have everything you might need. Paperclip? No problem. Jumper cables? Of course. The phone number for the receptionist you're too scared to call? Don't worry, they did it for you. But what does it really mean to be the caretaker of your workplace? And can that caring nature sometimes hold you back professionally? Here are 4 signs that you're the workplace parent, plus the risks and how to pull back if needed. You're the one who has everything for everybody. Jamie Jackson has been an HR professional for 21 years. She says she herself has been known to be the workplace parent and that they're not too hard to spot. Look for the person regularly doling out batteries, a Band-Aid, Tylenol, she says. Jackson explained that when cleaning out her old office, she realized just how much she'd leaned into the role. "I had things like birthday candles, a lighter, every kind of pain reliever you can think of," she says. "Oh, you don't take ibuprofen? No worries. I've got Aleve and Tylenol." For her, it wasn't just about being prepared. It was about making sure everyone around her felt supported. "I don't think it's necessarily just an HR thing," she says. "I just want to make sure people are taken care of and have what they need. If it meant me having a few of these things in my desk at all times, I was going to do it. You're the go-to helper. Another way to spot a workplace parent is by how often people turn to you for guidance or advice. If they know they can trust you to help them, then you're probably the workplace parent, Jackson says. It often shows up in the small moments when colleagues seek your help on something they're unsure about or just need someone to listen. A clear sign? When a colleague comes to you saying, "I need help. I don't know what to do," and you hand them a tissue box, close the office door, and just let them vent. You're in charge of the fun. Being the workplace parent often means being the fun committee for the office. You might be the person who remembers all the little things, like colleagues' anniversaries or what kinds of pets they have. At the beginning of every month, I'd check whose birthday was coming up, get the cards ready, make sure they were signed, and send them off a few days before. Not too early because I didn't want it to feel forced, Jackson says. Or you might be the default event organizer, planning happy hours, team celebrations, even bridal or baby showers. I was often the one saying, let's do this in the break room, she adds. While being a workplace parent is an honorable nurturing role, it can come with some drawbacks. Why do people do this? According to organizational psychologist Erika Piachonka, a workplace parent often stems from a better-known term: people-pleasing. A people-pleaser measures their self-worth by being helpful to others. "What motivates them is being helpful," Piachonka says. That might look like someone who simply can't say no, or the moment a coworker needs help, they're already jumping in with a solution or offering to fix it. The behavior could come from a fawn response someone's had since childhood, in which they're constantly trying to please authority figures for validation. Being the go-to helper can quietly sabotage your career if you're not careful. Sometimes it distracts you from your real job, Jackson says. While admirable, it can become risky if the president starts to wonder 'What does that lady actually do?' Jackson notes. Piotrunka says workplace parents often end up neglecting their own career goals because they're too focused on everyone else's. They may also struggle with delegation. They might feel like, 'If I ask somebody else to do this, it's going to be a burden to them, so I need to do it myself,' or think, 'It's easier for me to just do it.' On top of that, they wind up carrying the team's emotional load. They're the ones scheduling social gatherings and the people colleagues go to when they have emotional issues. Even in situations where they need to give criticism, they may hold back. They'll often soften it or pull back because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, Piotrunka says. But then the other person doesn't benefit from really understanding how they could improve. By constantly solving others' problems, workplace parents inadvertently create dependency. Keeping colleagues from learning to tackle challenges themselves. The workplace parent is taking away the challenge, Piacenza explains. This pattern can accumulate over time, making it harder to sustain performance and satisfaction at work. Burnout is my biggest concern, Piacenza says. The fix? Boundaries. Jackson started protecting her time by scheduling support instead of providing it on demand. If someone stopped by in crisis mode, she'd offer, "Today's not a good day, but what if I give you 15 to 20 minutes tomorrow?" she explains. Often people would sleep on it and no longer need to talk. And when someone insisted on immediate handholding, she'd shift into tough-love mode. "This is a big boy, big girl job," she'd say. "You've gotta take charge and handle it." Piotrunka adds that setting boundaries starts with understanding your own capacity. "Ask yourself, really, where am I investing time? Is this the right investment of time, and what are my true priorities?" she says. She also recommends asking before assuming someone needs your help. A lot of workplace parents assume that they have to be the person to help or that the person wants their help, but they may not. If you find yourself doing this, ask yourself, "Am I the right person to help right now? Do I know this person needs my help?" Finally, she emphasizes reframing self-care as strategic rather than selfish. Workplace parents can feel selfish taking care of themselves because their worth is tied to helping others. But you have to fill your own cup. Schedule it—5 minutes of meditation, a walk, a workout, whatever you need—and treat it as non-negotiable on a weekly basis. Being the workplace parent comes from a good place. But protecting your time and setting boundaries ensures you can keep helping others without losing yourself in the process. That's all today from Fast Company. Talk to you tomorrow.

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