How to Build the Life You Want (Even When You Feel Overloaded, Exhausted, & Uncertain)

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today's episode is an invitation to explore possibilities that you may have thought were beyond your reach. Because our guest today, she has the hidden code for transforming dreams into reality. Astronaut and bioastronautics researcher Kelly Girardi is here with a remarkable story of how she went from working as a check girl at a club to becoming an astronaut. She is here to share three truths head on. Truth number one, rules are made to be broken. Truth number two, people will judge you no matter what you do. And truth number three, hiding isn't strength, it's self destruction. See, millions of people follow Kelly, not just because she takes you behind the scenes and up into space, which you're gonna hear all about today. But more importantly, she takes you to the places most people don't discuss publicly. For her, that means sharing her infertility and IVF journey to millions of people online. The ups, the downs, the heartbreaks, the hopes. Kelly is proof that the moment you speak the truth, no matter how messy or scary it may seem, you reclaim your power. The fact is, you're not too old, too young, or too late to imagine a bigger possibility for your life and to make it a reality. So this episode will give you her blueprint to see bigger possibilities for your life starting today.

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Hey, it's your friend Mel. And welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. It is such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener or. Or you're here because somebody shared this with you, I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. You are about to meet one of the most unstoppable forces in science, space, and on social media. Her name? Kelly Girardi. She is a bioastronautics researcher and director of human spaceflight operations at the International Institute for Astronautical Sciences. She first flew on a science mission to space with the International Institute for astronautical sciences in 2023. She's headed back up into space in 2026 to lead her second research mission as an astronaut. She has also completed more than 150 microgravity research flight campaigns, including work with MIT and the National Research Council of Canada and the Canadian Space Agency. And she's not just doing it in the lab or in space. She's also bringing you behind the scenes and showing you how this all works in public. Kelly has built a global audience of more than 2 million followers. Time magazine just named her to the top 100 creators list. And today she is here to hand you her blueprint for dreaming bigger. Starting today. Please help me welcome astronaut Kelly Girardi to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

Well, we're excited you hopped on a plane, not a spaceship came here. And we cannot wait to dig into your story and the amazing things you're going to share.

Thank you.

I'd love to start by having you speak directly to the person who is with us right now and just share a little bit about what might be different about their life. If they take everything to heart that you're about to share with us today and they apply it to their life.

Yeah, absolutely. I used to look at people and a success reel of Their lives. And I used to look at those accomplishments and those successes, the ones that felt most unrealistic for me and out of reach. And it was very easy for me to dismiss those and to write it off as extraordinary things are reserved for extraordinary people. And I think the much more interesting truth is that ordinary people can make themselves capable of extraordinary things. And it is never too late for you to do that. And I think that's something that has helped me adjust the limiter on my imagination. And it might be something that can help you adjust the limiter on your imagination as well, to give yourself permission to dream bigger dreams.

Well, let's just launch right now. I mean, first of all, let's highlight that. That ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

Absolutely. You're capable of making yourself capable of extraordinary things.

Did you always feel this way?

Not always, no. And I think that's the power in training your mindset to think about it a little bit differently. Because I used to look at that and say, that was meant to be for that person. That was meant to be for her or for him. These are extraordinary people. Like, success just falls on extraordinary people. And the harder truth is that you can make yourself capable of that.

I also loved what you said about that you can learn to adjust the limiter on your own thinking. What do you mean by that?

Just that you can rewrite your limits. You are capable of taking a look at what your vision board looks like today and then zooming out times 30 times, 50 times a hundred. The only one applying the limit on that is you. And so when I say adjusting the limiter on your imagination, what I'm talking about is giving yourself permission to envision yourself in that world, as part of that world, as doing those things that are so intriguing and motivating and inspiring to you and giving yourself permission to think about, well, what would it look like if I chased that dream or if I tried to find a path to get there?

Well, you know, what's interesting is one of the truths that I extract from your story is that rules are made to be broken. And in fact, when you really think about rules and you adjust the limiter in your own brain, you basically start to ask yourself, wait a minute. Who made up the rules anyway?

Exactly.

And what I love about your story is that you are one of the very few women who have actually traveled into space. And I just want to start from the beginning because you have an unbelievable story that led you to where you are today as an astronaut. So let's go back to the Beginning.

Yeah. I was born in Jupiter, Florida, which is very on brand for someone who loves space. And my parents did joke that I had front row seats to the final frontier right up the coast, Cape Canaveral. I had the privilege of watching human space flight, and to have that in the backdrop of my adolescence, I do think it made a big impression on me.

Okay, so let me just make sure for the program, who's listening that doesn't know Jupiter, Florida. Okay, so are you basically saying that you grew up in a neighborhood where you could look out to the sky and see the rockets launching from Cape Canaveral?

Absolutely. On a clear day, you can see everything. And it's extraordinary. It still is. I've never lost the magic of watching that in awe.

And so seeing that when you were a little girl, were you like, I want to be in one of those one day, or how did that impact you?

It hadn't clicked for me yet that I could be a part of that. And goes back to what we were speaking about in the beginning. It felt like, that's extraordinary. Those are extraordinary humans. That is something reserved for extraordinary humans. So while I had an immense appreciation for it, I was incredibly inspired by it. It didn't necessarily click for me right away that I could ever hope to be a part of something so extraordinary as something.

Well, one of the things I want to invite you to do, as you're listening or watching this right now, is I want you to think about someone or something that you believe is extraordinary, that you have put a limiter on what's possible because you've said, oh, well, that's extraordinary what they've done. But I'm just ordinary over here. And I think what we're going to learn from you, Kelly, is that there are ways that you adjust that limiter and you start to realize that you're capable of extraordinary things, too.

Absolutely. And sometimes we don't even realize that we've applied that limit until we start to unpack it.

Do you remember when you went from going, if it happens to someday this will happen. Because as I was getting ready to talk to you, I read this article about how you ended up having a job working in the coat check of the Explorers Club. And so I would love to go back in time a little bit from you're a little girl growing up in Florida. You can see the space shuttle launching up into the sky. You go to university. You then end up having a job at some famous club called the Explorers Club. And you were working in the coat check. Can you put me at the scene of that moment in your life. How old were you?

Yes.

And why did you take that job?

Yeah, so this was college and the Explorers Club had stood out to me. It's a scientific organization that is dedicated to explorers, but its membership is so legacied. The members were first to the North Pole, first to the South Pole, first to step on the surface of the moon, first to the deepest point of the ocean. Just really remarkable boundary pushing. And I was captivated by that. Once I discovered that this club existed and I just wanted to be around those extraordinary people, I was hoping, I don't know, maybe by osmosis, that some of it would just rub off on me. I had this intense interest in space and in science. And these were people who were at the head of their fields and the top of their fields. And so in college it was like, yeah, of course I will do coat check. And I will say I was really good at it. I had a system, I took it very seriously. I think that's another sort of just fundamental theme that I keep reflecting on. My own career. No matter what the job is in front of me, I'm going to try to give 150% to it.

Why is that important?

Because you have to seek the important work and not just the glamorous work. It's like this is the work that keeps the lights on. This being able to show that you are capable of crushing it for 150%. Even when it's something that someone else might look at and say, it's just coat check, but it's not. It's your ability, in whatever scenario you're in, whatever situation you're in, to demonstrate your follow through, your attention to detail, your capability to be given more responsibility. That's how I looked at it.

Well, I wanna stop and just pause here because I think this is very important. The reason why that is important work is because you made it important by giving it 150%.

Right?

And this is a life lesson that too many people miss. How you do anything is how you do everything. And what I love about this example, and it's why I wanted you to share it, is that you're in college. You know, this is a passion. You're not exactly following a traditional route.

Right.

But you are putting yourself in proximity to other explorers because you want to be one.

Yes.

You take the only job that you can get in proximity to this and happily, happily. And then you destroy it by showing up and giving 150%. And so I need to Highlight that, because everybody's always looking for the next thing, and you miss the smartest move in front of you, which is get as close as you can to the thing that you're interested in. Take anything you can do, whether you're getting paid or not, and then do 150%.

You can design your own reputation if you put in the work to make it true. That is something that I learned very early on every job that I've ever had, I have sat down with a piece of paper and I have written out the adjectives that I want my colleagues to think about me. Everything. Even. Even at coat check, I wrote down the words that are the adjectives that I want to be perceived as and.

What are the words.

So at coat check, it was attention to detail, it was responsible, it was professional, it was, you know, things in that category, thorough. You know, someone who remembered your name and, you know, you made an impression on. It is collaboration. It is attention to detail. It is very thorough, sort of meticulous attention to our equipment, to, you know, our colleagues, each other, and then putting in the work to make those behaviors true and reinforcing them over and over and over again to build that reputation for yourself. And so even when the opportunity is not necessarily apparent right in front of you, I do think that I was putting in the work ahead of time to make myself worthy of one of those opportunities if and when it should arise.

Kelly, I just want to stop and really highlight this point that you're making about designing your reputation. This is unbelievably brilliant advice. I want to make sure that you hear it. I also want to make sure that you share this with people that you have in your life that you care about that are early in your careers, because this is a genius trick, and I use this in my business, in my life, too. And I'm going to tell you, there are two ways to do this that I do. Number one, I always think in business about the outcome that I want. Like, what do I want a person to feel or to do based on the thing that I'm launching, Whether it's a podcast episode, whether it's a book that I'm writing, whether it's the tour that we just did, and then I just reverse engineer. So you're designing your reputation by writing down the adjectives that you want people to describe you by, and then that informs you on how to act. You can do the same thing in terms of what you want the outcome to be. In business, I do the same thing in meetings before I go into a meeting, I will say to myself, what do I want people to say about me after I leave the room? And when you start with the end in mind and you engineer the reputation or the outcome, that now gives you the map for how to behave. And this is such a subtle thing, but it's something everybody needs to know. And the other thing that I wanted to say is that if you're listening right now, or you're watching and you're the one working in the coat closet, or you're the one working in the retail job, or you're the one who is working a shift job and you think it's a dead end, it is not a dead end. Where you are is a beginning. And if you engage in your job in a different way and you make it important and you take this advice and you write down the things that you want people to say when they describe what it's like to be around you, even in this job, in the coat check, even in this job that you're commuting to right now, you now take control. You now are changing your reputation. You now shift everything. This matters so much. And I don't think people understand the importance of operating with this level of excellence with where you are now, because where you are now is leading you somewhere. And you've got a lot of power in that moment. So thank you for unpacking that with us. So, just to kind of keep the story going, you go from the coat check, Kelly, and because of the fact that you have now engineered your reputation and you're showing up and you're thorough and you're energized and you remember people's names and you're organized, they then put you in charge of this huge fundraising event.

I could be trusted with more, and I did earn more. I was asked to chair, you know, their biggest ever fundraising event. It's New York City's longest running charity event, the Explorers Club Annual Dinner. And the best part of this story is the Full Circle moment a decade later, because I went from coat check to being appointed to the board of directors and the executive board of this club. And it was just a remarkable thing for me to reflect on because I think it does validate I can create my reputation, how I can put in the work to make that true and to know that there is a payoff possible in such a big way.

I love that you focused on what you could control.

Exactly.

So you then go from the coat check to doing this huge benefit and architecting this reputation. You're starting to get all different types of jobs. In the meanwhile, you're getting a master's at the International Institute for Aeronautical Sciences. And this leads you to go on and do 150 microgravity research flights. Can you describe what microgravity research flight is?

My dream was wanting to open up access to space for the next generation of scientists. And I thought that scientists can use space as a laboratory to benefit humanity. That was always sort of the north star of my career. And it led me to pursuing a field of research and in microgravity, otherwise floating in weightlessness. And how that works here on Earth when you're not in space is an airplane flies in this almost roller coaster profile where the aircraft free falls and then it pulls up hard again over and over and over. That's where the nickname the vomit comet comes from. And during those brief bursts of free fall, you get about 20 to 22 seconds of microgravity of weightlessness. And my research institute, with our partners at the National Research Council of Canada, that's where we and our research teams, we use those 20 second increments to study everything from fluid dynamics to human health. But the dream of a researcher in that field is always getting a longer duration exposure. You know, your research needs not just seconds, but consecutive minutes. This thought of like one day, instead of filling out proposals and you know, for the research to get sent with someone else, we as a science community, as researchers, as scientists, will get to carry our research to space ourselves.

Oh, that's so interesting. That makes me think of another question I wanted to ask you, Kelly. Can you walk us through what it's like to actually launch into space for the first time?

So, you know, for me this was, you know, more than a decade in the making. So I get in, I'm like, it's game time. Like I am ready. I have an entire science team that is like counting on me to get the data. This is my one shot. I don't get a do over. Like, I was so ready and I felt good and I think I felt so prepared from the science side. And I immediately realized that nothing could have prepared me for the emotional side of human spaceflight. And experiencing that and seeing that view for myself once I got the data and re secured the experiment and I got to look out the window and I got to really look, it was just awe. It was indescribable. You would think that I would have the words by now, and I just don't. It's this. We've all seen images of the Earth from space. The difference for me was experiencing Earth as a planet and just this deep and humbling realization that you're looking at something that so few humans in history have ever had the privilege of seeing and feeling, both a part of it, being outside of it. And it's a forced perspective shift that you are such a small part of something so much bigger. And then as a mom, this existential realization that in that moment, I'm not on the same planet as my baby. It was mind bending and profound. And that will be my mental screensaver until the day that I die.

How did it change you, this perspective.

Shift of realizing what a small part you are of something so much greater and bigger? It's almost like a sense of relief in a way. I know the sort of like, cliche of don't sweat the small stuff, but for me, being able to attach that mental image to that message has really helped me unlock just an inner peace. It's like something in my soul clicked. It's like I have just accomplished what I set out to do in this life.

Did you have any fear?

No. You know, I had such confidence in the team and in the engineers, and they had transformed the cabin of the spacecraft into a suborbital science lab. It was extraordinary. But test pilot life had been lost in the process, you know, years back, and I made sure to take that very seriously. And I think the thing that made it click a little bit more for me is a few months before the space flight, I was rummaging in our team's Google folder and I found good day and bad day press release drafts about my flight. Those were never meant for my eyes. But like any big event, usually there are two versions of a press release drafted. One where everything goes right, that's the one you hope to put out. And then there is an emergency version that is drafted in the case that something goes catastrophically wrong. So you have something to put out.

So they have a press release waiting to go in case this mission fails and you're dead.

Yes, exactly.

And my teacher, what was that like reading that?

It was never meant for my eyes. But the second I saw it, I was like, of course I'm going to read it. And seeing in black and white, she has survived by. And seeing my daughter's name and my husband's name still makes me emotional to think about. But that more than anything else, crystallized for me finally what this experience might be like from their perspective. But it didn't change. I still felt very confident and comfortable. I wouldn't have flown if I didn't.

If you could go back 16 years and talk to that 20 year old that was working in the coat check, what advice would you give her?

First, I would pat her on the back and be like, it is a great thing that you're doing with those coats. Like you're crushing it. Good work, good instincts. But I would tell her that when you have big, bold dreams in life, that the trick is not necessarily figuring it out as fast as possible. It's keeping yourself motivated for as long as possible. Because when you have these big, high level dreams that are kind of like far out for the vision that you have for your life and they feel very far away from where you are today, you need to be able to have that resilience to power through the ups, the downs, the plateaus, the decades, maybe where it feels like nothing happens, to finally earn those moments where it feels like the decades happen. And if you can do that and empower yourself through all of that, you will find your way to the other side of your dreams.

What made you want to bring the world along with you online? Because one of the reasons why millions of people follow you is because you bring them behind the scenes of what it is like to go in space, what it is like to do this type of research while married, while having a family.

For someone like me as a woman in stem, to be able to have this career on Earth in research that leads to this lifelong dream that I once thought was inaccessible to me, to suddenly live out over and over again and to have this new pathway, I like to show what that looks like because I think a lot of people can look at me and relate to. She was just an ordinary person who was doing, you know, this career and had this big, extraordinary dream. And this is how it happened. And it is unique and it is interesting and different, and it is going to represent a new era of access for the next generation of scientists.

So you mentioned that you're married and you mentioned also, you know, that you are a mom and you have a young daughter. How have you really managed being a mom? Being married and pursuing this career as an astronaut and a researcher and these massive dreams of doing research in space.

I feel like being a mom is such a big part of my identity and I do think that visible representation of embracing those multitudes is important to show. I have been surprised by the some of the criticism, you know, that I've seen about things that I assumed we moved past half a century ago. Like this idea that a mother is somehow selfish if she prioritizes both personal passions or career ambitions alongside her family. You know, I was someone sold to the dream growing up that you can grow up and be anything you want. And I, I did find it a little bit hypocritical with those comments. I'm like, this is the same society that insists that we want more women in stem. We have astronaut Barbie dolls and American Girl dolls, and we want to make sure our girls know they can be anything until they grow up and become mothers with children of their own. And then it's like, how dare you pursue those dreams that we said were so important, you know? So I don't feel any shame. I feel really grateful to be able to set that example for my daughter of, you know, I hope that she probes the boundaries of her full potential in this life, in this one life that I was so lucky to give her.

Kelly, thank you for sharing that. I just love hearing your story. And I also love our sponsors. So let's take a quick break and while you listen to our sponsors, here's what I want you to do. I want you to think of somebody who needs to dream bigger, somebody who needs to understand that even though you may feel a little ordinary, you have the capability to do extraordinary things. Send them this episode, and if you're listening right now, don't go anywhere. Kelly's just getting started. We'll be right back and I'll be waiting for you after a short break. Stay with me. This time of the year is chaotic, stress is high, treats are everywhere, and.

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Welcome back. I'm here with Kelly Girardi, who is an astronaut and researcher and we're talking about her blueprint for dreaming bigger in your life. So, Kelly, it was interesting to look at all your social media because it is surprising the criticism that you receive, right? Really surprising. Like the fact that people are like.

You should just pick one motherhood or.

Space, as if you couldn't do both.

Yeah, it was shocking to me too. You know, on some days I'm like Reflecting how far we've come, because I do think about the fact that, you know, my mom was at my space flight. When she was growing up, women in the US were not eligible to fly to space. But one single generation later, she watched her daughter. And in other ways, we still have so far to go. And so I do like sharing so much of my career and my personal life transparently, because I do wanna reach women who are wondering if it's possible to. To both go after those big dreams that they have while building the family they've always dreamed of. And I also want to reassure women who are perhaps made to feel guilty on those days or weeks when the scales don't perfectly balance. And, you know, for me, it is a juggle, right? It's like, that's the honest truth. It doesn't look perfect. It doesn't look pretty all the time. And I try to be really transparent about that. I think that the one framework that changed my life a little bit with that, the credit goes to Nora Ephron for this. But I use this analogy in my mind on a daily basis is that she said that it's like juggling balls. And the trick is to understand that some of the balls are made of glass and some of the balls are made of plastic. And the trick is knowing which one is which. And I still don't get that right. There are times where I try my best, but I have assumed that certain balls in the air were plastic, Whether it was a research deadline proposal or a book fair at my daughter's school, or even an hour sitting on the floor playing Barbie dolls. And those turned out to be so much more break of moments than I thought. And then on the flip side, there are things that I have assumed were glass balls in my life, like career, work opportunities or family rituals and events that I moved mountains to make work. And, you know, they turned out to be not that consequential. So it's a work in progress.

You know, one of the interesting things about your story is that you've got to learn how to not let other people's criticism get to you, Right? And I'd love to dig into how you deal with it because you are followed by millions of people. You not only take people into space and the experience of it, the life of being an astronaut and a researcher, but as you also talk about your incredibly cool, busy job and people learn that you're a mom, I am shocked by the number of people who are like, what about the husband? Is dad not in the picture? What Is the criticism you fear the most? Like, what's the one that actually gets you to stop?

Motherhood related criticism, I think because I care so much about, you know, my daughter, I think, like, it gets under my skin, and when I interrogate it, I disagree and disapprove completely of it. And maybe it's not necessarily the one that's scares me the most, but it's definitely the flavor that gets the most under my skin. Like the criticism that I would be, you know, so selfish to. To do this or that I'm, you know, somehow bad mom for prioritizing all of my personal passions. And it's so interesting because I do feel cerebrally so different, and I reject it on its face value. It's like, no, I. I do genuinely know that I feel very, very grateful to be able to set this example for my daughter. But in the moment when it's something that you care so much about, that's the one that I constantly have a reaction to. And I think that's why I've created so much content about it, is because it sparks a reaction in me often. And it was probably the one that I have spent the most time digging deep to understand, okay, how do I really feel about this?

Well, how do you really feel? Because it's interesting. Like, I don't personally feel at all flustered or it doesn't get under my skin if somebody says, mel, you work too much, you're selfish, you should never put your own ambition and your own dreams ahead of your children. And to that I say I disagree. Because the whole point of raising your kids is to actually raise them so that they can go on and create lives of their own. I mean, they leave, they go build their own lives. And I don't buy into this notion that a great parent, whether it's a mom or dad, sacrifices everything for their children.

Agree completely what I've learned. And look, I think mom guilt is sort of a universal feeling. I mean, you let me know if you haven't felt it. But I think there are so many times where I have gotten up to leave, and I feel like this was more of a chapter in my life earlier when these comments were first, you know, confronting me where there were mornings where I was getting up to go catch a plane and my daughter is crying and saying, don't go. But what helped me and what. What I was able to separate was guilt versus regret, because if I really didn't want to go, I wouldn't go. But I did feel like this was okay for me. To give myself permission. I was still crying on the plane because I was missing something that was important to my daughter and she was crying in the morning. But I also knew she's going to be fine. The minute that she gets off to school, it's all going to be okay. And I was able to just distinguish between feeling guilt over that moment versus feeling regret about going in the first place. And I don't feel regret, and I never feel regret. But the guilt, I think, is something that is still. My daughter's 7, and so she's at the age where she can talk and emotionally manipulate and, you know, say her piece about, you know, are we going to do this? Are you going to be there for that? Are you going to be volunteering in the classroom? So in those moments, I feel guilt, but not regret.

That's interesting. I think the way that I've handled it with our three kids is that I think two things can be true at once.

Yeah.

I think you can wish you can be in two places at once and you can choose which one you need to be in. I think you can wish that you were not missing something and recognize that there are decisions that you are making that have a longer term benefit, that are important decisions to make. And I think you can have your kids be disappointed by something and still show up for yourself and comfort them in having those feelings. And I don't think you're human if you don't wrestle with or grapple with which decision is the decision. That is the one that's right for me in this moment. But I have really, I think, worked very hard to not take that sledgehammer that society has put in our hands.

Yeah.

And hammer myself with mom guilt. Because it doesn't serve me and it doesn't serve my children. Like, when I feel bad about the decisions that I'm making, that doesn't make them feel better.

Right.

And so to me, really wrestling that fact that two things are always gonna be true. There are gonna be things that you do in your life, whether you're a mom, a dad, whether you are. Whether you're not that disappoint other people.

Yeah.

And the more that you create space for somebody to have the feelings that they have and to validate those feelings, but to really double down on the decisions that you need to make that make you proud or happy or frankly, there are just years that I had.

To pay the bills.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like, you can cry all you want, but I gotta go to work. Because if I don't go to work, you aren't playing soccer. We don't have groceries on the table. And so if I feel guilty about that, what good does that do?

Exactly.

And so I guess I just often ask myself, yes, the feeling may be valid, but does marinating in it serve me? Usually it doesn't.

Yeah. And I. I refuse to marinate in it. You know, I'm susceptible sometimes to being triggered by a comment, even when I know it's a, you know, something that I reject completely. But in those moments, you know, I either lash out or I move on, and I pick one I'm gonna fight or I'm gonna close it out.

How do you deal with the criticism? Like, how do you not let it get to you? You know, if people are constantly saying, you gotta pick being a mom or an astronaut, like, why are you doing this? If you have a daughter that's down on earth, why do you keep putting yourself in danger like this? That's not responsible. How do you not let that get to you?

Yeah. What I do try to keep in mind is, like, these are not the opinions being shared, and the sort of, like, criticism being lobbed at me is not coming from people that I would look to for advice about my career either. And they're not coming from people who have my best intentions at heart. And so I really have to qualify, you know, that criticism before I let myself absorb it. And that's been something that. Especially in committing to existing online and sharing so much, I've had to draw that boundary and sort of put up my. My little fence of protection to protect my peace. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time. That's the other thing. It's like, I. My life isn't a town square. And I think what's been really helpful in recent years is I found my people. And so now I experience, actually, you know, knock on wood, so much less of that. I have a community that sort of understands me and knows who I am and sees me for who I am and, you know, who support me through the ups, the downs, the plateaus, all of it. And so it makes it a lot easier to be transparent. But prior to that, when there was some of this criticism, I really, really had to disengage myself from it and remind myself, like, this is not someone who knows me, who cares about me, who is coming from a place of good intent, nor is it someone I would actually be looking to for advice.

Since we've been talking about criticism, the thing that has helped me the most with dealing with it is this Let them theory. Like, it was such a game changer for me to understand that it's a complete waste of energy to even engage, especially with people online that are criticizing you. Because there's a big difference between somebody who's seeking to understand versus somebody who's seeking to tear down. And the more that I started saying, let them. Let them say what they're gonna say. Let them misunderstand what I'm doing, let them make up lies, let them do whatever they're gonna do. Because I can't control what strangers online or even people that I care about might say or think or believe about me. As long as I know what's true and I know my intention, I'm good.

It's so true. It's so powerful.

Has anyone close to you, like, really criticized or questioned the decision to go to space?

No, not. Not in a way that was coming from bad faith. I would say there have certainly been concerns, and those were coming from a place of good faith. And I think understanding the difference of someone being concerned because they love you so much and they want the best for you and they're scared for you is very different than someone coming at you because they don't like you and they don't like the choices that you've made or the life that you're living.

Does your husband worry about it?

He did. I mean, he worried in the sense of like, of course. Like, it's. It's an anxiety filled day for immediate family. But he was so immensely proud of me and so moved for me because he knew that this was more than a decade in the making. This was my big dream in life that he always, I mean, he is like the cheerleader to the point of delusion in my ear, on my shoulder, like, you can do anything. You could run for president. And I'm like, okay, slow down. But he, you know, this is someone who just cheers me on.

Well, one of the other things that have made you incredibly popular online is that over the past year, you have been sharing very, very openly your IVF journey. So more than 10 million people have followed your journey. And, you know, a lot of people are wanting to hear the good news, but you recently broke the stigma by opening up about every single part of it, including having a miscarriage earlier this year at eight weeks after an IVF transfer. Can you talk about why you decided to share this IVF and fertility journey with all these followers online? Because you're not just like kind of reflecting on it. Share for the person who's watching or who's listening? The way in which you're doing it, because you're doing it in a way that's very unique. Wow.

For nearly eight years, since my daughter was born, I have struggled with secondary infertility. I have struggled with recurrent pregnancy loss. So the journey of infertility and loss is not new to me, but sharing it in real time certainly is. And I think I reached this point where I was sharing so much about my personal life and my work that it felt remiss to not be Talking about the 1000 pound elephant that was sitting on top of me in my life. And I think that is such an insidious part of IVF is that it becomes so all consuming. I mean, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, no matter how full your life is, this becomes the A plot and everything else kind of falls into the back burner. And it's devastating sometimes when that happens. This podcast, this episode in particular, I had to cancel two times because of IVF events that were outside of my control. First because the transfer timing got moved, then because I had a miscalculation. It's just everything in your life falls to the back burner. And when I was thinking about sharing this, I was thinking about the fact that this fertility odyssey is something that so many women navigate invisibly and still show up to everything else in their life because they have to. And I really wanted to destigmatize that and shed a little bit of light on this topic and what it actually looks like for someone, you know, that you might not expect is going through this and to show other women who are that they're not alone.

Kelly, there are so many more things that I wanted to ask you, but this feels like a great time to take a quick break so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors. And I also want to have you share this with somebody. I'm sure this conversation is not only stirring something in you, but it's making you think of people in your life. Share this with them and be generous. It's a gift that you can give to somebody that you love. We've got so much more we're going to dig into when we return, so stay with me.

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It's your buddy, Mel Robbins. Today you and I are here learning from astronaut Kelly Girardi. You know, I always think about, and I see this in your story, this truth that hiding something or suffering in silence isn't a sign of strength. It's a form of self destruction that the weight of the thing that you're not talking about slowly destroys you. And so for somebody who's not familiar with what it's like to go through ivf, what are the kinds of experiences that you were documenting online and sharing with people?

So for me, you know, the first round of IVF and prior to an egg retrieval where embryos are made, you have a round of shots that you're taking every single day where you're sort of mixing your own medications, you're injecting them into your stomach. You are traveling with your medications. You're doing it on a very specific time. Your life is revolving around this, and your hormones are completely out of whack. You are at the mercy of the hormonal reactions that are happening as a result of these medications. And so it is just everything is in Technicolor in the worst way. And then you go into your egg retrieval and you are hoping to get a high number. And you know, that first time I did, I got 26 eggs retrieved. I'm like, this is amazing. And I felt so great about it. And then the attrition starts, okay, well, how many fertilized? How many made it to, you know, five days, to the. And then how many of those after the genetic testing and after all of that last round, I was left with one single embryo. And I was shattered. I was so disappointed. I was going into the initial transfer attempt where you hope that a pregnancy results just thinking, like, oh, my God, please, I have this one chance. It was just so much anticipatory stress. And then for nine weeks after, there was this miraculous joy because I did get pregnant. It worked. And I shared that in real time, you know, with everyone. I was really. And I knew going in that not every IVF story ends in a pregnancy or ends in a success. I had committed to myself. I am sharing this transparently. The good, the bad, or the heartbreaking. And my community does make that very easy to show up in, you know, an authentic way. So I knew that going in. But at nine weeks, I went into my graduation appointment from my IVF clinic.

That's what they call it.

They call it your graduation because that is the point at nine weeks where you transfer from your IVF clinic, who has taken you this far, to a regular ob, who's going to carry you to the finish line. And at that nine week appointment, I go in and it's a very celebratory mood. My doctor is in the room, all of the nurses who have been a part of my cycle and my journey are in the room. And I get in there, we're starting the ultrasound, and I hear just the deafening silence. And I knew. I knew in that moment, my heart just dropped into my stomach. I knew it was wrong. And the whole thing was kind of a daze from there because it was so shocking. Everything had gone so perfectly. And this was a highly graded embryo, genetically tested. The ultrasounds to date had been so positive. The heartbeat had been so strong. It's like, you know, there was such a low chance that something would go wrong at this point. And then you realize that there are always people who fall on the sad side of those statistics. And this time I was one of them. And I thought I was gonna be leaving that room, signing the door to the fertility clinic. Inside has all these little post it notes that people who graduate, you get to write a note of inspiration for the next person. So I already had a little message in my head, and instead of writing that, I left through a discreet backdoor that I didn't even know exist in tears. Shared this update with my audience. And there was no embarrassment that I felt about unannouncing. Not a shred. I only felt grief. I felt no shame, no embarrassment. And I think so often, you know, we're made to feel like this is our private burden to navigate in isolation. And I just rejected that. I wanted the support. I wanted to lean on my community because this was devastating. And, you know, I did share in real time.

How did you feel about the people who said that it was too soon to share?

Yeah, that was a lot of comments about the timing. And I think a lot of people assumed that I would have wished that I hadn't shared this in the first place so that I wasn't put in the position of having to unannounce it or they used my story as validation that, like, this is why we wait the 12 weeks. But I have to say, you know, I've been in this position before. I'm a mom of one, but I've been pregnant five times, and I feel like I have tried every permutation of this. I have kept everything to myself and suffered an early loss completely in Silence. I have waited the quote, unquote safe amount of time until after the first trimester announced, only to have to unannounce later in the second trimester. And I really felt like there is often so much stigma and shame attached to that because we are sometimes made to feel like this is a private burden to navigate yourself. And I just rejected that. It's like this. That's not how I wanna live.

I am so glad you rejected it, because the way that I look at it is that because you have no idea how something like this is gonna turn out. For the first nine weeks, you can either be silent and you can brace for disappointment and you can hope that things are gonna turn out, and then if it doesn't work, then you have even more disappointment. But bracing doesn't make the disappointment any lower. When it happens, or. And this is the way that I choose to do things, I actually force myself to be hopeful and optimistic and to live in the possibility that this is going to work out the way that I want it to, which is why I tell people. And if it doesn't work out okay, then I'm disappointed. But if you really stop and think about it, those nine weeks are going to pass either way. If the pregnancy is going to end, it's going to end. I would rather spend nine weeks living in hope and optimism and then feel disappointment than to brace and feel disappointed and not tell anybody for nine weeks and then feel more disappointed if it ends. And because I don't have control over what's gonna happen, I do know that I have control over how I approach the uncertainty of what's happening. And I just choose to be open and optimistic. And if something happens where I'm gonna be disappointed and sad and grieving, I will grieve and be disappointed when it happens, but not before. Because why torture yourself for those nine weeks? Why do that? And obviously, whatever you do in these situations, whether you stay silent, whether you're just open and optimistic and you tell people what's on, it's a personal decision. And I want you to think about it in the context of friends and family. Is it helping you to stay silent and carry this alone? Or does it actually help you be in a space where you're optimistic and hopeful and full of support if you're telling people what's going on as it's happening that are around you? Because in the waiting, I feel like I'm actually holding energy that something negative is going to happen. Not that you're causing it, but I'm living In a state of bracing instead of a state of celebration. And when bad news comes, if it does, I can grieve and be disappointed then, but I don't want to spend all that time bracing for it. And so I think there's something very liberating about not forcing yourself to follow this rule that you're supposed to bear the burden alone. You're supposed to suffer in silence. You're supposed to just brace until you.

Get full assurance, because there is no assurance in life.

And so I love that you did that. And I wonder, though, how do you hold that in between space? Because you have been on this journey now for almost seven years. You've had more than seven years. You have had five pregnancies that did not go to term, and you're now about to. You're 10 days away right now from going into the next transfer. How do you hold that space of grief and hope?

Yeah. So coming into this upcoming transfer, I'm a big believer in mindset, first of all, just in. In setting an intention and putting my best foot forward, mentally, emotionally. You know, when going into the last transfer, I allowed myself to get my hopes up, and I don't want to deprive myself of that again. This time, I. I think it's helpful to envision success and. And to really get in a healthy mindset.

Let's unpack that. Yeah. Because that phrase, I think, is very dangerous. Don't get your hopes up.

Yes.

Why shouldn't you get your hopes up?

I think it is an unhealthy way for me, especially to look at this process and to start that negative thinking so early. I already have so much of that negative thinking with or without the hopes. It's full of anxiety and stress and just nervous energy. So the last thing that I want to do is start catastrophizing it before it happens. I want to give myself the opportunity to get excited about it, to envision everything perfect. I'm not great at that. I will admit. There are days where I spiral for hours on trying to figure out what am I more afraid of. The one where the transfer doesn't work from the start, and I know immediately that I'm not pregnant and it didn't work, or. Or the one where it works initially, and then I face another loss, like which one am I more afraid of? But what I need to do and what I end up doing is eventually I find that mental reset switch and I get back to the one where everything works perfectly this time. And that's where I choose to Focus my energy and really try to just recenter myself.

You know, given that you've been through this five times and that you've done it a number of different ways, you've told people, you haven't told people, you've like bear the burden alone. You haven't. You've been very transparent. Step by step, shot by shot, positive excitement, devastation, every step of the way. Just sharing as you reflect back on the whole range, what have you learned and what works best?

The biggest takeaway that I've had from all of this, and I think it applies to much more than IVF or fertility, but the thing I've had to unlearn and really just internalize is sharing your struggles does not make you a burden to the people who care about you. And it sounds so simple, but it is relieving yourself. No one wants to be perceived as the sad sack in the group chat or wants to be perceived as the one who's pitied. You know, when everyone else is enjoying success, no one wants to feel like they're making anyone else walk on eggshells around them. And I think that can be so limiting to kind of carry that burden when the reality that I've learned because the people in my life have shown me that the people who care about you are waiting for the opportunity to show up for you and to show you that they're there for you if they have the opportunity. And so for me, it has been such a blessing to be able to lean on the support of my community, of my friends, of my family, to know that there are people, some of them who I've never even met, that sending me prayers from around the world, like, what a blessing is that? But even in your own personal life. And there are a number of reasons why women may not share early, whether it's related to their jobs or whatever's going on in their life. But for the people who care about you, who are in your trusted inner circle, if you give them the opportunity to show up for you in the ways that you need it, I guarantee that they will be there with empathy, compassion and support and be grateful for the opportunity to show show you how much they care about you.

What have you learned in terms of a big takeaway for yourself about the power that comes from just talking openly about everything that's going on in your life, whether it's with people in your close circle or it's with friends. Because so many people do suffer in silence. So many people are ashamed of what's happening or just feel stuck or upset or sad or grieving about it. So they don't want to talk about it. But what have you learned about the freedom or the power that you feel when you are able to just be open? I am pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I got the job. I didn't get the job. I'm still devastated from the breakup, like, whatever it is that's going on.

Right. I think people attribute a lot of times, you know, they conflate transparency with bravery and think, you know, that's so brave of you to share. And it's like, it's not brave. This is literally just my life. This is what is happening today on a Tuesday or a Wednesday. This is what I'm going through. And it is wonderful to have that level of support, you know, and to be met with. With compassion for that. But I think it's a pressure release valve for me, too, to just be transparent and to stop feeling like I have to compartmentalize every aspect of my personal or professional life, to be this to this person, to be this to those people and to just be me and to have the people who are ready to be a part of that and who see me, for all of me to be in my corner and to perhaps weed out the ones who, you know, aren't there for all of that.

I would love to have you talk a little bit about, because you just said something about the managing different compartments of your life. So you've got this big career and all this research and these big dreams, and I know you have another mission that is coming up in 2026, and yet here you are going through the IVF journey.

Right.

How do you keep yourself pushing both things forward when they seem like they might not be able to coexist? And if we go back to what you said, that ordinary people can do extraordinary things if we are able to stop the limiter, find the switch, and stop limiting the way that we think about things that we're capable of extraordinary things. I think a lot of us stop ourselves because we say we can't have this and that.

Right.

So how do you coach yourself to keep moving forward on a number of different things at the same time versus what a lot of people do, which is just thinking they can only do one. Yeah.

You know, for me, my inner monologue over time, I have trained to sort of help me ask the question, why not me? In so many different areas. And it's not. I want to be really, really precise about what that mindset is, because it is not the ego of I Deserve this or this, you know, this will definitely I can do all of this. It's should be me doing these things. But there is the quiet confidence of if I work hard enough for long enough, why not me? And I do think that that blend of humility and confidence has given me, you know, the ability to give myself permission to go after the entire vision board, all of it, and to not feel like I have to only stick to one quadrant of it at one time. You know, is it always perfect? No, it's not. You know, everything at the same time, all at once. I do have to toggle. But that's a trade off I am more than willing to make in order to have the entire vision board. And I think that through all of the different failures, successes, hopes, you know, dashed, made all of it. It's like the same lessons that I've learned from my early career, I also apply in my personal life, which is that when I hit a brick wall, I am changing my approach. I'm not changing my goal. And I think over and over again, whether it's fertility that I'm dealing with. It's like that IVF cycle was a devastating failure last time. I'm changing my protocol, not my goal. And the same thing with work. You know, I have this goal, I have this vision for my life, and it may not be on the exact timeline that I originally imagined, but I think that is the essence of this power of mindset. It's like this contradiction of humility and confidence. Because the hard truth is that so many people will never get there because they will either let their ego get in the way, and they won't be able to mentally recover from the first or the second time that they fail. Or worse, they will be so afraid of failing that they don't even try. But if you can keep that balance of humility and confidence and keep that resilience through the ups, the downs, the plateaus, you will find yourself on the other side of your goals eventually. And then when someone tells you how lucky you got, you'll be able to think to yourself, I didn't get lucky. I was just willing to fail more times than someone else was willing to try.

I'd love to expand this out a little bit beyond space flight and ivf. You know the phrase, why not me? For somebody who is leaning into that. So they're gonna take this framework that you've used, why not me? To really challenge the limiter in your mind. Okay, I see something extraordinary. Well, why not me?

Right?

If you have the Kind of brain or mindset that's like, well, let me tell you, why not you? You don't have the experience, you've screwed up everything in the past. You have no money, you're too old, you're too this, you're too that. What advice do you have for the person whose limiter is arguing against even considering why not me?

Just show up and start trying. That was, you know, for me with social media. It's like I, I don't haven't thought of myself as a creator, and yet putting in the consistency, trying it. I never even thought of that world as being something that I would be a part of. And then here I am thinking and watching all these inspirational people online and thinking to myself, okay, well, why? Why not me? I could try, you know, I could put myself out there. Is it cringy at the beginning? Yeah. You know, are you unsure and uncertain where it's leading? Sure. But is it energizing me? Am I enjoying it? Do I feel a spark when I'm doing it? Yes. So I'm gonna keep going and I'm gonna keep trying.

Describe for me, where were you when you were 20 years old? I wanna, I wanna know about the 20 year old.

Kelly.

Yeah. So New York City, Explorers Club, hustling, you know, big dreaming, just feeling like there's so many things in this life that I wanna explain, explore. And it's almost like the stress of feeling, what, what if I have to choose one? You know, so many things that I want to do and achieve and versions of myself that I want to be. And I think the beautiful thing is I still feel that all of these things that we've talked about, being an astronaut, being a mom, being, these are all aspects of my identity. And I still feel like I'm just getting started. You know, this is. When I look at the next decade of my life, my 40s, it's like I reserve the right to completely reinvent myself. I don't know what it'll look like. It could be me spending all of my energy and time on my family. It could be me starting a business. It could be something completely unrelated to anything I've ever done, but that I'm finding energy and purpose and drive in. And I find that so exciting and so energizing.

So why do you think it's so important to reserve the right to reinvent yourself?

I think, you know, one of the things that I felt in the immediate aftermath of my first space flight was almost this sense of depression because for so long I was Kelly, who wanted to fly to space one day. And then I achieved that dream. And it was a little bit of an identity crisis. Immediately after, of course, there was the euphoria, like, oh, my God, dream come true. But then it was like, okay, what now? Who am I now? What am I reaching for now? And it took a beat for me to figure out that there are still higher stars to reach for and to give myself permission to, like, look beyond the horizon and know that my dream that I crystallized at 20 does not have to be the end. All of my visual field, it's like, now I'm 36 and I'm looking from a different vantage point and there's more out there and I want to keep going after it.

So if the person listening has this sense, oh, my gosh, there's a further star out there for me, but I don't know what the hell it is.

Yeah.

Is there anything that you do in particular that helps you figure out what you want to do next? Because I love that saying. I reserve the right to reinvent myself. And I don't even know what my 40s might be.

Right.

I think a lot of people stand in the present moment and go, I don't even know what I should be doing next week. I don't know how to reinvent myself, Kelly. How do I see a brighter, bigger, more distant star for myself? How do I dream bigger when I don't know what I want? What are some things that you do in order to help you crystallize where you want to go next?

One sort of introspection that I really like to take stock of in myself is understanding in the present. What drains me and what energizes me because that really helps me decide where to spend my energy. And if I don't have a direction in that current moment, I can at least remove some that I know it's not this one. You know, this is draining my battery. This is not the path that I want to be on. Something feels wrong. And as I slowly start to sort of crystallize and clarify, okay, well, what is filling my cup on a day to day basis when I lay awake at night in bed after the minutiae of my normal day, what is getting me excited? What is my mind so spinning on that feels exciting and energizing and what sparks inspiration for me and motivation and then being able to sort of navigate in that direction can really help you perhaps refine what that dream might be.

You know, for somebody who's listening and they're just thinking well, I'm too old. I'm too young. I don't have the experience to go after my dreams. What would you say to them?

There is no age or stage where it is not possible to reinvent yourself and to decide that today is the day that I am going to let myself enter why not me mode, that I'm going to double down on the bet on myself that I can pave new paths from brick walls. And I think it's really important to just realize that these are possibilities that exist for you and make sure you're not applying other people's limits on your own dreams.

What's your message to the person listening who really desperately wants to move out of their comfort zone, but they just feel so held back by fear?

I think you have to ask yourself, like, what is the actual failure that we're talking about here? Like, what's the consequence? Is the consequence that someone looks at you and says, you know, that dream business that you wanted to start, that book, you wanted to write, that project that you know, everything, what you wanted to do, you didn't make it. What a loser. You know, what is the actual consequence of you putting yourself out there? And for me, anytime I kind of interrogated that fear just a little bit, it's like, what are these people gonna think if I put this dream out into the universe and people didn't see me make it? It's like, okay. And if you can get past that and let other people become cheerleaders in your journey, you know, you might be able to create a little bit of serendipity along the way.

I think that's really interesting advice to just take a moment and unpack the criticism that you're afraid of, Right? Because when you really do start to unpack it, like, what are they gonna do, laugh at me? What are they gonna. They're probably not even gonna remember that I declared this. If I fail at it, what are they gonna do? Judge me? The fact is, people judge you whether you're playing small or you're playing big. And if you keep yourself playing small, the only person who's judging you is you.

Absolutely.

And if people are gonna judge you, no matter what, first of all, let them. But you might as well play big, since you can't control the fact that they're gonna judge you. And I think you shrink how scary the judgment is of other people when you actually examine, what are you actually afraid of?

Right?

And if you put it down on a piece of paper, you recognize, like, it's not really that scary. And honestly, it's kind of ridiculous if.

What you're fearing is that you're going to look silly or look stupid because you chased a dream and you're not quite there yet. Like, that's. That's the other part. It's like a failure is not capital F failure. That is learning. That is falling forward. And that's, I think, where so many people unfortunately stop. You run into this first brick wall initially, right? And then you have a decision. You can either double down on the bet on yourself and adjust your approach and keep going, or you can retreat and say, okay, maybe this isn't for me. And I think if you're able to sort of get back up again over and over, you know, and let people watch along the way, it's like, that's the grit, that's the success, that's the resilience that gets you further and further.

I would love to have you speak directly to the person who has been here with us, listening and learning, and if they just take one action. Based on everything that you've shared with us from your life story, the lessons learned, the mistakes that you've made, the truths that we've talked about, what do you think the most important thing is that they should do?

The most important thing that I think you should do is give yourself permission to reach a little bit higher than you've been reaching to date, to dream just a little bit bigger. What's beyond that next goal? You've got one thing in mind right now. Play that out to the nth, a hundred x, zoom out. And what would it look like if you removed every single limitation that is currently in front of you or that you perceive to be in front of you, and you take a look at your life and you think, in a perfect world where everything went right, what would my life look like? How would my time be spent? How would my energy be spent? What would my days look like? And give yourself a little bit of permission to dream that for yourself and to take those initial steps into thinking, okay, well, if I work hard enough for long enough at this particular thing, why not me? And you'll be able to double down that bet on yourself.

Kelly, what are your parting words?

You're capable of making yourself capable of extraordinary things, and it is never too late for you to do that.

I love that. Because the fact is, Kelly, absolutely every person that you see doing something that you think is extraordinary, the only difference between them and where you are right now is they actually got started. And based on everything that you shared with us today. And especially those three words, why not me? You've got Kelly's blueprint for not only dreaming bigger, but actually starting to take the actions that will turn it into your reality. Kelly Girardi, thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you so much.

And thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time to listen to something that is gonna help you and the people that you love see a bigger possibility for your life. And I hope everything that you learn today will also help you start to create the blueprint to turn it into your reality. And in case nobody else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that as your friend, I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to not only see a bigger possibility, but to create a better life. Alrighty. I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit play, so I'll see you there. It's just a day where I am.

Scattered, but I won't be once we lock in.

I don't know how these things get so dirty. Babe, that's you too. All right. So you feeling good? Yeah. Awesome. We're so glad you're here.

Me too. Girardi? Not really. Joe Girardi from the Yankees. He's like the old GM Girardi. Oh, but this is Boston. Of course. Wrong. Wrong team, wrong crowd.

Brian, we good, hun? Awesome. Okay, good. It's somewhere. Oh, my God. Now, I had that, like, dessert one. I had the ice thing with the.

Little foam on top.

Yes. No, this was like a quad shot in a cup. Like, oh, God, that's right. I forgot to end the show.

Oh, my God. Oh, and one more thing.

And no, this is not a blooper.

This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and.

What I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician.

Professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it?

Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

SiriusXM podcasts.

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