Pick Your Battles: What Actually Matters in Dog Training

Hello, dog peeps. Jack here. Just a quick one before we get into this episode. You may or may not be aware that when I'm not talking dog stuff with Max, I in fact interview people who are incarcerated in prisons across the United States on a show called One Minute Remaining: Stories from the Inmates. And that show has been nominated for an award in America. And I would love your support if you've got 60 seconds to click the link in the show notes of this episode and just vote for my show. That would be amazing if you could. Thank you very much indeed. Oh, and don't forget to verify your email address. Otherwise, the vote does not count. Thank you.

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It's the Dog People Podcast with your host, Jack Lawrence. Secretly, I decided to start this Podcasts for some free dog training advice. You know, Malinois seem to be like the dog at the moment. Like I think people see them on Instagram doing these incredible things. Yeah. Go oh my god that's awesome. And then they get one like oh my god what the fuck I done? And Max O'Neill.

You would not believe how many people I meet and I go what made you want to get say an Aussie Shepherd? They go I don't know. I'd go had you met one before? They go no. If you want to ask me how often I walk my own dog a week, it's only twice a week. It's the dog people.

The Dog People Podcast, the podcast hopefully giving you a no-nonsense approach to dog training so you never have to shout, it's okay, he's friendly. My name's Jack Lawrence, not a dog trainer, but of course Max O'Neill, down under dog trainer. Mate, we want to talk about basically pick your battles when it comes to your dogs and training and all those sorts of things, because essentially things that I'm dealing with at the moment with Kira, it always comes back to poor old Kira. As I was saying to you over there, she gets a bad rap, but she's a good dog. But there are obviously elements where I'm just like, oh, you know what? I just, I, there's so many things that we've been fixing that just telling a no to another thing, I feel like is just exhausting for me and it's exhausting for her.

Yeah.

So for instance, with getting on the couch, we've spoken about this in another episode, but we've got a couch outside and she does sneak on it. And, and I'm just like, eventually, because, but then I let her get on the couch in here when I'm working, she comes and sits in here with me and that's fine. And I've always been of the opinion, it's like, you're allowed on the furniture if I invite you. And that is the case with the bed. Like, she's not just allowed to just randomly jump on the bed. And, you know, the couch in here, she'll come in and I'll say, yeah, get up. But then I'm feeling like, yeah, but then I'm sending her mixed signals because then she'll go on another couch and I'll be just like, oh, and sort of stuff. So I'm just like, you know what? I've got to this point where I'm like, have at it, mate, because I'll just vacuum it. Yeah. In the scheme of things, when it comes to the issues and not issues, but the certain things that I want you to do and that sort of stuff. That is not high on my list of priorities.

100%. And that's something we tell clients all the time, is like, is absolutely pick your battles. It's such a big thing. And we don't know— we want to just, you know, buy into the illusion or sustain the illusion that everyone's perfect. Like, there's going to be shit that slides. Like, saying there's things with Nelson that, you know, one of my things is my— if my wife's listening to your life, is like, he's like, he's licking. Like, it's one of those things where like I thought I was pretty strict with, but it's the kind of thing I'm like I don't want him to do it, but there's a part of me that's like, huh.

He licked me on the knee in a video the other day, and your wife messaged and said he knows he's not allowed to do that.

It's one of the things we've never really trained out. Like, he's so sneaky with it. He'll just— yeah, it's like a little— honestly, he's like a gecko. Yeah, come out his mouth, he'll get a quick one in, then he'll pretend it never happened. Like, he's so dodgy with it. And same, we tell clients all the time, like, like, pick your battles. Like, we've— when people come to us for their initial behavioral consult, sometimes we've got a list like 20, 30 things long. Like, some of the ones we see are insane. And we say to people, look, like, let's pick your battles in terms of, like, in the short term, let's work on 3 or 4 of these at a time rather than trying to focus on 20.

Yeah.

But also in the long term, is this— it's sometimes one of the things where, like, if we genuinely want to train out all these, we're like, that's like 2 years worth of work. Like, do you really want to be doing— like, how important is it to you? Because, you know, for, like, for a few reasons, and as you've probably found with Kira, like, at some stage you just feel like you're saying no.

Oh, it's exhausting for her and for me.

Yeah. Like, for your relationship, yeah. But like, she looks at you, she goes, okay, another place is here again, another no, another correction. And then we just feel like, dude, I just want to like leave you alone, let you be cool. But it's just sometimes you just get these things where you just, for whatever reason, it just doesn't work. And it's sometimes worth just going, is, is this worth it? Is it worth it just clashing over this all the time, or is it an agree to disagree situation?

Yeah, I mean, of course there's always those, uh, those I mean, for one, I mean, Curiosity used to enjoy nipping the children because she's got cattle dog in her, and that's an essential— that's an absolute no-no. We're not doing that. But then again, yeah, things like getting on the furniture and stuff like that, I'm just like, oh, you know what, just have at it, mate. You know, it's in the scheme of things, as we said, it's not really, you know, I've dealt with so many other issues with her when it comes to prey drive, chasing things. And that sort of stuff that, you know, a thing like getting on the couch just to have a sleep is like, whatever, you know? And I know there's people out there who'll be listening and go, why is that even a thing? Like, you should just let your dog. I let my dog on everything. And that's fine. That's completely your thing. But at the same token, as I've said in the past, like it got to it because I was, you know, I've got to vacuum this couch every time people come over because you've been sleeping on it. And then just get to the point where it's like, oh, whatever. It's not that big of a deal.

Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like, and that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average $21 with insurance, and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the US, offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability, and you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as 2 days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com/startnow. That's growtherapy.com/startnow. growtherapy.com/startnow. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

Yeah, there's just, there's just some things we just go like, like whether it's time or sanity, whichever resource is running low, or even just like your relationship, you just go It's not worth it. Like, same with Nelson's licking. Like, my wife will give me shit about his licking. I'm like, look, this dog brings in the mail, he takes laundry to the basket, he takes rubbish to the bin, he helps carry in the shopping, he guards the house for free. But if his one downside is licking, like, it's, it's this one of the things I've put it in there, it's not worth training out at this point. Like, I, I really don't care enough about it to really give it the time. And it's, it's worth it, just picking your battles. And it's the same, like, whether you're trying to train something out or Or train something in. For those of us who might do some high-level obedience, like for example Nelson's heel— Nelson's heel is really like 6 or 7 tiny little behaviours put in together, like how his, you know, head's positioned, his positioning in relation to me, the speed he's at, how he lifts his legs, all this stuff. Like heel isn't one behaviour, it's a sum of behaviours. And just the way he is, he's like, all right, I can focus on 5 out of 6 of these at a time, and one of them's got to dip. So lately we've just had to go, okay, do I want this or do I want that? Because him trying to juggle everything at once is just maybe too much. And again, rather than just butt our head and work on the same thing again and again, we just go, all right, all good. His heel isn't going to have this, or my dog is going to do this naughty thing at home, this one little thing. And sometimes it's just worth going, fuck it. And I used to be so vehemently against that, like crazily so, like, nah, that's not good enough, that's just like setting the bar too low. But then when I started studying and learning and shadowing from like some of the best trainers in the world and was like Oh, their dog jumps. That doesn't fucking matter, does it?

Well, yeah, I was thinking of the Yorkshire Canine guy. Shout out to him, Jacob. I always see him talk about this, like his dogs are obviously very well trained, but then he's like, they jump on him, you know? And he says like, my dogs jump on me, they lick me, they take food from me. You know, that's what he said. But at the end of the day, that's fine. I'm fine with that.

Yeah.

You know, but there's certain non-negotiables that I'm not fine with. You know, it's like, yes, you can jump on me, but hey, you're not going to jump on guests.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, you're not going to react to this or that sort of stuff. And that is it. You see that all the time with, with, you know, trainers, because everyone jokes about, you know, oh, you've got militant dogs and stuff like that. But a lot of these people actually don't. A lot of them, you know, you'd be surprised that it's quite the

opposite. Yeah. In a sense, like my— like I'm a much better trainer now than I was 4 or 5 years ago. And in a sense, like there's things about my last dog that people would say that's better training, my Weimaraner London, than with Nelson. But really was, is just like, I like that Nelson's a bit of a rambunctious I'm like, I need him to be a bit of a kid at times because that carries out over into his sport and stuff. Like, I need him to be a bit of a hooligan. And, um, yeah, like, it's, it's, it's one of the things, it's one of the pick your battle moments. And one of the biggest, like, weight off the shoulders, like, oh, moments of relief in my dog training career was going and see— for those who know, like, Michael Ellis, not to name drop, but it's like one of the godfathers of dog training.

He's phenomenal.

Do yourself a favor, jump on YouTube, just type in Michael Ellis. Um, there's like a 1-hour video just pops straight up on, like, How dog training works, and that is one of the things that just opens your eyes. You'd be like, "Hello." We might even just post in the group, to be fair.

Yeah.

But one of the biggest, like, moment of weight off the shoulders moments was at this seminar. Hundreds of professional dog trainers listening to him who, like, are all really take their craft seriously, and he was like, you know, talking about his dogs, and his dogs like world class in the trial field. He's like inside. He goes, "You would come in and think I know nothing about my dogs. They're on the furniture. They don't listen this and that." And he goes, "It's because we spend." All these hours a day telling them what to do, controlling them. This is this. He goes, when I come inside, it's just one of the things like for all of our sanity, it's just not worth doing any extra training. Goes, they've got some basic house manners, like they won't steal our food, but like they'll jump on me, they'll lean on guests, they'll lick people, they're on the furniture. I'll tell— I'll have to tell them five times to get on the back on their bed. And he's like, it's just one of those picky battle things. I decided it's just not worth it for me. And we're like, oh. Like, you don't have to aim for this thing of perfection. And if anything, like, the moment you just ease up a little bit, like, you'll be so much happier. Hey,

like, I've had that in so many respects with Kira and my training with her. I find myself getting to the point where I'm frustrated. Like, at the moment I've been trying to be teaching her the focused heel because I know at some point there'll be another Max O'Neill obedience, high-level obedience course, Ultimate Obedience Level 2. And I know there's going to be a focused heel in there somewhere. So I'm like, right, Kira, we got to get this down. And, and again, like everything I throw at her, she just, she jumps in and she gets stuck in and, and she's come such a long way in just, you know, getting this focused heel. But then I'll get to a point where she's, her back end is slightly too far around behind me. And then, and I'm getting frustrated and I have to stop myself and go, like, you're not trying to be some sort of high-level competitive dog team. It's just like, she's already 90% better trained than most dogs out there. So just give her a break. Give yourself a break.

Yep.

And just go, you know what? We're doing well here. This is because it can take the fun out of it too. Big time. Take the fun out of having a dog and it can take the fun out of training because you just get too militant about it yourself and too finicky and too, you know, oh, and the other thing is, you know, and Instagram has a lot to do with this too, because you watch other trainers on Instagram with their dogs doing all these incredible things and you just get frustrated because you're not doing it. And so, yeah, it's like, take a chill pill. And just as we said, pick your battles when it comes to, you know, what you want from your dog.

At the end of the day, they're an animal. Like, the fact we've managed to domesticate them and get them to a stage we can live with them at all is kind of a feat in itself. So, anything else is a bonus. Like, if you live with your dog and coexist peacefully and they're just— you guys don't hate each other, like, that's already a win. If on top of that, they can like, oh, they can also, you know, walk and come back to me and be pretty polite to people that come in the home, like, that already itself is pretty amazing when you think about it. Like, think of another animal we can do that with. I mean, you've got cats, obviously, whatever, but like, you couldn't do that with a horse or a sea lion. Woof, woof. It's pretty amazing itself. So yeah, pick your battles, guys. Like, ease up a little bit. Take it easy on yourself.

I feel like this is for us more than anyone else.

Yeah, Jack and I just—

just a therapy session.

Yeah, we're sitting here like hugging a cushion.

All right, any questions, as always, jump in the Facebook group, The Dog People Podcast. We'll catch you on the next one. The Dog People Podcast is a Mashed Pumpkin production. Hosted by Jack Lawrence and Max O'Neill. Edited, produced, and audio production by Jack Lawrence.

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