Use This Playbook For BIG Disagreements At Work

What's up, everyone? This is Alex Lieberman, co-founder and executive chairman of Morning Brew. Welcome back to Founders Journal, my personal audio diary, where I give you, the business builder, the tools you need to think better in order to build better, whether that's building a business, a team, or a new product. Today, I am giving you a playbook to handle big disagreements in work. So let's hop into it. Disagreements happen at work all of the time, from co-founder arguments about equity and strategy to coworker misalignment about ways of doing things. Disagreements are a daily occurrence in everyone's career, yet most people hate disagreements and they avoid them at all costs. People fear confrontation, they fear tension, and they worry about hurting others' feelings. And for the longest time, I was one of those people. But one thing I've noticed about the most successful people I know is they have built up the very necessary muscle of disagreeing often and disagreeing well. And so what I want to do is break down the 2-part playbook to embrace big disagreements. Part one is knowing the ground rules of good disagreements. There are 6 ground rules to a good disagreement. I'm going to list them off now, and then I'm going to go through each one. Number 1, expect them to happen. Number 2, eliminate emotion. Number 3, be long-term aligned. Number 4, time is your best friend. Number 5, set the stage. And number 6, don't force agreement. So let's get into each one. Ground rule number 1, expect disagreements to happen. Big, ugly disagreements happen when things bubble up. And things bubble up when you try to avoid confrontation. By expecting disagreements to happen, you embrace them frequently. And by embracing them, you avoid the big ones. Ground rule number 2, eliminate emotion. As Ray Dalio says, we have 2 yous, the higher level you, which is the thoughtful and logical you who seeks truth, and the lower level you, which is reactive and emotional and seeks victory. To disagree well, you must quiet the lower level you and allow the higher level you to guide you. Ground rule number 3, be long-term aligned. It is way easier to handle disagreements when you are on the same page long-term. You have the same vision for the business, you have the same vision for the product, and you have the same vision for the team. You have the same goals to be achieved by the decision you're making. Ground rule number 4, time is your best friend. I mentioned this in a recent episode, but there's something called the Seinfeld rule. And the Seinfeld rule is that Jerry Seinfeld doesn't show jokes to people for 24 hours after he's written them to preserve the joy that he felt writing them before people critique him. And this can be applied to disagreement as well. The best way to eliminate your emotions when it comes to disagreement and decision-making is to separate the disagreement you have from the actual decision you make for at least 24 hours. Ground rule number 5, set the stage. To disagree the right way, set up your environment in the right way. Lead with curiosity to uncover your own blind spots. Know that changing your mind should be welcomed and celebrated on both sides of the table. And know that disagreement is about attacking ideas, and it's never about attacking people. And ground rule number 6, Don't force agreement. The point of disagreement is not to ultimately agree. It is to gather information, weigh risk and reward, and come to a decision. But a decision does not have to equal agreement, and that is absolutely okay. Now, those are the 6 ground rules for how to have a good disagreement. Now, I want to take you through the 6 steps for disagreeing well in the moment. But first, a quick word from our partners. Now you have part 2, which is following the right steps for a good disagreement. There are 6 steps, and I will walk you through each one. But like I did at the top of the episode, let me list them out. Number 1, what the fuck are we disagreeing about? Number 2, establish the ground rules. Number 3, get it all out. Number 4, question facts and assumptions. Number 5, share new perspective. And number 6, stop thinking and start doing. Part 1 was priming you for the rules around good disagreement. This is actually part 2, is the playbook for if you are in the moment of disagreeing with someone, like you're literally in the room with another person and you're disagreeing over a given decision or a given hire, whatever it may be. These are actually the steps to go through that disagreement with them. Step number 1. What the fuck are we disagreeing about? It sounds crazy, but people often argue without knowing why they are arguing. They want to be heard versus having the best ideas rise to the top. And so to have a good disagreement, you must know that you are disagreeing about the same thing. Step number 2, establish the ground rules. Before you start the disagreement, you need to know the ground rules for disagreeing. And that is everything that I discussed in part 1 of the episode. Step number 3, get it all out. Remember, the goal of disagreement is to understand the perspective of others to improve your own decision-making. During this step, everyone involved should share their opinion and their decision, the facts, the assumptions that they're making, and the risks if the decision is wrong. Step number 4, question facts and assumptions. 3 possible things cause disagreement. A different set of facts, a different set of assumptions, and a different risk-reward appetite. By understanding what those 3 things look like with the other party you're disagreeing with, it allows you to learn more and pinpoint the true cause of the disagreement. Related to step 3 and step 4, I actually made a template for you that you can use as a guide during disagreement. I'll include it in the show notes and feel free to use this literally the next time you have a large disagreement with anyone in your company. Step number 5, share new perspective. You know why you're disagreeing now. You know what you're disagreeing about, and you know what's informing the other person's perspective. So you have all of the ingredients to shape your perspective. Just remember, changing your opinion never means that you are wrong. And this whole thing, disagreement, is not about proving that you're right. It's about allowing the best idea to rise to the top. So whatever your collective vision is for the company, has the best chance of being realized. And step number 6, stop thinking, start doing. If you have reached agreement, great. If you still disagree, find a way to make a decision. There's a few ways you could do this. You can make a decision that is based on rank, as in seniority in the company. That is not always optimal, especially in a company that is hierarchical versus meritocratically based. But sometimes it is the most practical way to make a decision. Or the second way, and this is the way that they would do it at Bridgewater, Ray Dalio's hedge fund, is make a decision based on believability. Make a decision by picking the perspective of the person in the disagreement who has made similar correct decisions prior to this one. And that is how to disagree often, and it's how to disagree well. I know there is a lot here, so I included 2 things for you in the show notes. The first, as I mentioned, is a template I made for you to use for future disagreements. It forces you to go through the steps that I covered to disagree well. And often, and the second is a Twitter thread that I wrote summarizing this episode. There is a ton of information here, so if you want to revisit what I covered, that thread has everything in writing. Finally, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with coworkers, co-founders, or co-friends that would benefit from this playbook for disagreement. Just copy the link and share it in iMessage, SMS if you're an Android person—no judgment, but I am judging a little bit—or your company's Slack or Teams messages. Thanks again for listening, and I'll catch you next episode.