038B: Keep Calm & Keep Breathing: Coping With Stress in a Pandemic

If you've ever felt that pressure to do more, be more, get there faster, or like you're behind on everything, you are in the right place and you are right on time. Welcome to the Right on Time podcast. I'm your host, Amber McHugh, and you are listening to a new podcast that's all about the timing of life and the timing of success. Right on Time is a new way of living that will bring you more joy, less overwhelm, and show you how to get everything you want in both business and life. Let's dive in. Hey. Hey. Welcome to the Right on Time podcast. Now, when we shifted the Modern CEO podcast to the Right on Time podcast, we knew that one of our goals and one of our intentions was to cover current events and hit on topics that were real time and that were pressing and relevant for you and as an entrepreneur and that were relevant for you in your life right now. And we had no idea and no intention, of course, that when we relaunched the podcast and shifted to Right on Time, that there would be something so pressing and so challenging as what we are going through as a global community right now with the COVID 19 outbreak and what is happening around the world. So when this sort of surfaced, I was speaking to one of my beloved friends and clients and therapist, Dr. Julie Merriman, who we have on the podcast with us today as a guest. I am so excited that she is here. Hi, Julie.

Hi. I am excited to be here.

Oh, my goodness, y'. All. Julie is. I am saying, y', all, I just stepped right into the land of Texas with Julie, where she is from. I have kicked us off. And Julie has a heart of gold. And I was talking with her about a week ago as things were escalating and as things were changing very rapidly around the world. And this Julie is our first guest that we have had on the podcast. And I was talking to her and I thought, julie, we just have to get you on the podcast. Would you mind? And she graciously said yes. So thank you so much for being here.

Oh, Amber, I am honored to be here. Thank you.

Yes. As we dive in, I am just going to share a tidbit about Julie so you know why she is so special. And we are going to dive into some strategies that may help us navigate the emotional side of what is happening right now. Julie makes a passionate difference in her clients lives. She is a therapist who works with accomplished entrepreneurs to relieve overwhelm, stress and burnout. Things that are relevant not only right now, but are relevant frequently for entrepreneurs. And just me separate from entrepreneurship that are just relevant, period, and that come up from time to time in life. And as we step into this, I just personally want to share with you, you, as you're listening to give you a foundation for this conversation. At the time of this recording, I'm actually sitting in Ethiopia, but I'm sitting here just for about five more hours. I'm going to be in about an hour and a half leaving for the airport, but I wanted to sit down and talk to Julie first because we want to get this conversation into your hands right away. And as I'm preparing for this and as I was packing literally today, preparing to fly tonight, and we made the decision to fly tonight just yesterday for all sorts of reasons that I'll certainly share over time. I was thinking of all sorts of questions for you, Julie, that I know are relevant for me and I'm sure are relevant for so many people, because there's a lot going on for people right now. There's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of question. So right off the bat, we're. We are not starting easy. We are just going to start with what is facing when people step into this space of overwhelm, stress, and burnout. What is one of the first things that you would say to people when they are in the space of one or all of those things?

Well, you know, that's a great place to start. The first thing I say is breathe. You know, practice the pause, take a big, deep breath and get yourself grounded. Because when we get all overwhelmed and stressed and burnout hits and we're up in our head, we are being so intellectual about things and we're allowing feelings to just overwhelm us. So the very first thing we need to do is breathe and get ourselves grounded back into our body, back into some cognitive, behavioral kinds of things where we're checking the facts, we're being fed so much scary kind of information that we're allowing that to really impact just how we're experiencing life in the moment. So the very first thing, regardless of what's coming at us, if my business is gonna. We start that catastrophic thinking, my business is gonna close. My family's gonna start. We're gonna be living on the streets. Oh, you know, I mean, you know, all this catastrophic thinking starts overwhelming us. Stop, breathe, ground yourself. And by that, it can be grounding means, you know, take your shoes off and go walk out outside in the grass or do a wall, sit and feel until your legs start burning. I mean, just simple things. That you can do to get yourself grounded.

And you know, it's funny, there isn't a lot of grassy space in Ethiopia. So I caught myself last week when we were at school. The school does happen to have a lot of grass. And we got a notification at, let's say 1pm on Thursday that school was going to be flipped to online learning for five weeks. So I had two hours left to be on campus and I went to school and I wanted to say goodbye to the couple people just in case, you know, you never know what's going to happen when you're living abroad like this. And I took off my shoes for a minute and like, oh my gosh, grass. And I just felt that connection. But what does that act of grounding actually do for. What does that do for us?

Well, we're energy beings. I mean when you look at yoga, when you look at all the energy kinds of things and y', all, I mean I'm a PhD and yes, I have to ground everything I do in research. I mean this is research based. You can go look at peer reviewed articles. Science tells us we are energy beings and the grounding helps our energy change. And it really, I mean it stops that catastrophic thinking. It stops that overwhelm up in our head. It gets us back into our body, if you will, so that we can encompass everything we're feeling, but not in an overwhelming way. We ground to nature, you know, I mean we are nature and research shows those of us, and I'm very fortunate, I live out on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. But those of us that can get into nature, our blood pressure goes down, our polyvagal system slows down. We, you know, vitamin D helps regulate our emotions. So if we're outside in nature grounding, it's helping the way we're experiencing our energy. It's helping us in so many ways, Amber, in so many ways. But you're going to get a good dose of vitamin D that's going to help regulate your emotions. And also nature is such a beautiful place. It takes us out of all this man made blah going on and really being able to be present. That mindfulness and presence really starts as we get ourselves grounded.

That's incredible. And I love, and this is as soon as you stepped into that space of energy conversation. I'm so glad you touched on that and pulled in the research because that's one of the beautiful things that you do. And everyone who is in our mastermind together, Julie is a part of our mastermind and accelerate, which is Part of our freshly implemented community. And everyone instantly is like, taps in and tunes in when Julie pulls in. When you pull in this energy conversation as well as your, obviously your knowledge from a research based perspective in tying these things together. And I think one of the things, you know, we are very fortunate here that we are currently very close to the embassy and we are getting the information from the CDC very firsthand source. And we can still be out in nature. We just have to practice, you know, that distancing. So this is a good thing. We can still step into that and take advantage of this, even with everything we have going on. So one of the other things today, Julie, that I experienced as I was stepping through my day, actually as I was packing our suitcases and preparing to leave, my husband was not here, but he was here this weekend. And I was reflecting on my stress levels throughout the weekend and it took me a few days. I went probably through the stages of grief. There was a little bit of denial, have to leave. We booked a flight for, you know, 10 days from now. My husband's like, I'd really like for you to leave earlier if you could, like, let's get you back. And I'm watching the news. No, I don't. And I actually had to remove myself from the family environment and go. I went and got myself a pedicure all by myself. And I had a moment and I calmed down. But before I had calmed down, I did yell at my husband. And I'm like, honey, I don't think you actually know what he was telling me to leave. Like, you don't know. You don't know when we have to leave. And I actually said, you don't know anything. He knows all sorts of stuff. He knows. So he's a very intelligent man. And he knew I was saying this in the heat of the moment and he knew that I was just stressed out and I was reading all sorts of news myself. But as we step into these stressful moments, how do we balance. And how do we balance the rational with the emotional? Like, yes, we're growing businesses and there's a lot of rational to that, but there's a lot of emotional as we're reading the news and we have to make rational decisions for health and safety reasons. And yes, you know, how do we balance these things? What strategies could you share?

That's a great question. And I just want to validate and normalize and I love your authentic being vulnerable with us just then because what you shared, I'm sure when soliciting, going Me, too. And I said, blah. Oh, boy.

Poor guy.

Well, and you're precious. And I'm sure. Anyway, y' all will work through that. But that's happening around the world right now, and that's that frenzy that we get worked into. And I tell y', all, my first strategy would be limit your exposure to the news.

Yeah.

And that kicks back to my working with my clients back during 91 1. Too much news keeps our polyvagal system triggered. And when that triggers, it kicks us into that fight or flight. And we all that are still survived. We have good ones. Because the other. The people that didn't got eaten by those dinosaurs back in the day. Yes, we have. Yeah. I mean, ours is really good. So we don't want to get that polyvagal system triggered. We want to keep that calm and limit your exposure to the news. And please be cognizant about your babies in the room being exposed to that news, because we have fully formed brains. Their brains are not formed, and they're watching you and picking up on whatever kind of stress you're feeling. And it's more for them.

Right.

So that would be the first strategy. Limit your exposure to the news. Those folks, our news folks, their job is to trigger our polyvagal system because it helps with their. It helps with their numbers.

And I believe it. I get drawn right in. I mean, especially with something like, I will just click through, click through and keep reading for way too late at night.

And we get addicted to that adrenaline dump, the little dopamine dump. So we're getting. So I would say limit that. Find another way to get that little dopamine dump. So the other thing I would really invite people to do is to practice the pause. We stop and do a little cognitive behavioral therapy. Check. Fact check what I'm thinking. Because what happens is we have a thought. There's a reaction and a behavior. So we need to look at our thought and see if, you know, let's fact check this. How much? Like, yes, there's quite a few people who have this virus, but there's even more people who have recovered from this virus. And that's what we do, is we practice that pause and then really making space to hold space for your babies. I mean, right. The gift that we're getting in this is. My Lord, look at the gift we're getting in family time. The gift we're getting in getting to finish projects we've started that we hadn't had time to start. The gift we're getting in planning and working on our businesses, there's so many gifts, beautiful things that when we're running around with our hair on fire, we go, oh, if only I had a time. Well, we've been given the time. And so you want to look at your perspective. The glass is half full, not empty, Amber. The other thing I would really encourage everyone to do is go back to mindfulness practices, meditate, journal, breathe. There's lots of great breathing things on YouTube. Breathing practices, do yoga, Pull up cosmic kids for your kids. You know, be the role model.

Yeah, be the role model. You know, it's funny because we're getting ready to step in. When I go back to the States. We're going to be back in the States, well, for an undetermined amount of time at this point. But I know for at least two weeks, we are going to quarantine. I'm not going to go stay with my family because some of them are at risk. And then another family member said, come stay with me. Like, but then you can't see those people that are at risk. Or if I'm going to quarantine, like, I want to do the right thing. Right. So I'm setting up in my head, like, we're going to have to get into a little bit of a routine because this is going to be 14 days. Cosmic yoga for kids is definitely there. But does a schedule and a routine sometimes help with that? Would you recommend. Is that a yes?

Yes. Research shows the way to get through traumas, which this could be a trauma of sorts, when we look back, is, yes, we need consistency, nurturing, and lots of loving. And consistency comes in schedules and rituals. Absolutely. So when everything else feels out of control, we can control our schedule. And that's brilliant, Amber. Yeah. You want to do that. And, you know, especially if you have little ones you're working with, I would give them some input on the schedule. Mommy's gonna put together a schedule. I'm thinking this. I've got this amount of time. What would y' all want to do in this time? I mean, letting them have a little feel of control, because they can't always put their feelings into words. And, you know, we're struggling as grown adults to do this, so being very.

Generous, you know, we are struggling. And it is so interesting. I think mom and I were reflecting just earlier today that while this is a very challenging period for so many, we are coming together in a really incredible way. And, you know, where I sit, we are very global. It is a very diverse community, and there is so much support for One another. So now I'm headed back to the States and I'll probably expect, you know, I don't know, as I move through the airports, and I'll let you know in about 24 hours what that experience will be. I'm a little nervous about seven hours in screening. Hopefully it's changed by the time I land. But, you know, people are really coming together. So there's that support in that community. And as we move towards isolation and social distancing, Julie, how do you recommend we stay connected and support each other and get like that. That support from. And give that support for others when we're in this space of isolation? Because we're already so isolated.

Yeah, this is going to be a very purposeful, conscientious type of isolation. We always, I would say, practice compassion and love of others. Self love and love of others. But yet of all the times in the world to be. Have to practice social distancing and isolation. What a great time, because we've got Zoom. You and I are sitting here. I'm in Meridian, Texas. You're across the world in Africa. I mean, and we're sitting here having a beautiful conversation about real life, you know, in the moment kinds of things, practice all these great technological opportunities that the world gives us. Now, as we sit here, I just received an email from the president of the university where I'm a professor at. And, you know, we're having to look at. Because I'm also an associate dean over a college, and we've got nursing and counseling and social work and medical life sciences. All these people being impacted, trying to deliver services, and we're having to look at telehealth. Well, yay, we need telehealth. And I think we're going to walk out of this with so much more ability to embrace this technology where others. And I'm 57. I'm even. It took me a while to agree to text. I was a little slow. But I think that, I mean, when we look at telehealth, Amber, we need to be doing telehealth anyway. So I think this is going to give us an opportunity to embrace technology.

Even better.

I had just written a $300,000 grant where we're providing mental health care for folks 55 and over. And after I get off this call, I'm going to meet with my grant administrator to talk about, well, guess what we're going to do? We're going to do telehealth so that we can keep these people not feeling isolated, feeling connected. And while we might not be able to give them a big hug. This. I can have eye contact with you right here. I can see your beautiful face and your smile and it lights up my spirit.

Exactly. Yeah. And you feel that connection. I mean, when. I'm just gonna pick on Julie since she's here right now, but when I first met you, I mean, through text, through the computer, I felt all of that. And then when I met you in person at our retreat in February, that was just last month, it was all magnified, Amber.

I might say that. And I've had several business coaches over the years. You are amazing. Your spirit and kindness and genuine compassion just. I mean, I felt it through the Facebook groups and such, but when I met you, I just fell completely in love with you. So I thank you for that.

The community, right? And I like to think that we attract like the brand, the messaging, everything, right? We're attracting the exact right people. And, you know, sometimes you get some marketing recommendations, little bit of a business. Right. Pull through here. But you get recommendations to tweak things. I'm like, I don't want to because I love the people in our community and I don't want anything to change. And. And when you step into this space and this is just, you know, and I'm. This is going to tie back to the topic at hand. But when you're on a call with people, Julie, people are saying, like, we need more of Julie. I want more of Julie in my life. And so how do people find someone like you? Because you are an active, practicing therapist. How do people find great therapists like you? How do we find you?

That's so sweet. You know, you really need to interview the therapist you're thinking about working with because he or she works for you. That's what I tell my clients. I'm your employee and you need to interview those folks. So call them and do a 20 minute consult to make sure that it's a good fit.

Yeah, that's great. And most therapists will do a 20 minute consult? Yes, yes.

That's pretty standard. Great.

Okay, good. And what are your preferences? I mean, I would assume very much okay with online, correct?

Oh, yeah. I do online counseling and I do face to face. I like to. I mean, my clientele that I cater to, I'm very available for them. So sometimes we do face to face, sometimes we do online. Some folks are just online.

We.

I mean, and the beautiful thing about online now, you can do it on your phone. I mean, you can do it anywhere.

I was actually really looking Forward to asking Julie about this question because I am actually looking for an online therapist to. And I was thinking because I'd be in Ethiopia now also because I will also be in isolation sanity for my poor children. But good for you. They're going to want me to have extra support when you step into those conversations. You know, I know from an interviewing perspective we talk about this a lot in how to clone yourself, what to look for for a team member. But when you're looking for someone from a therapy perspective and you're looking to work with someone through that relationship, do you have any tips or strategies or do you just look someone that you're comfortable with? Like, I know very personally when I'm hiring, like no judgment, I want it to be very comfortable. I want to be like free flowing. And you know, I know I would very much want someone who brings an energy and an enthusiasm and who's okay to like poke. Oh my gosh, I can't even say.

The word push poke.

Who is willing to do those things and be a little proactive because sometimes I don't even know the right thing to say. So do you have things that we may want to look for or questions we may want to ask?

Yeah. And you know, the very first thing is about fit. Research shows the very first important thing with a therapist is relationship. You want to see how you connect with them. Just your innate gut feeling. Trust it. And next you want to ask, you know, what can I expect from therapy with you? Because you want someone who's going to be very open to those kinds of things and see if they have any kind of outcomes they could share and what a typical therapy session is going to feel like and how available they're going to be to you. And then their philosophy in therapy again, you want someone that's gonna meet you where you're at and it feels right and it's okay if it's not a connection. There's a plethora of therapists out there. Find the one that feels right.

Yes. It's so easy to feel like, like this has to be the person or I talked to a couple people, you know, this isn't for me, but there are so many people out there available for you. So keep looking, find that person that's right.

And last thing, don't feel guilty if it's not the right person, it's ok. Move on.

Yeah, that's incredible.

Yes.

I think that's going to be so important as we move through these very unchartered waters together. Release guilt Gift each other. I mean, you said it. A lot of compassion and a lot of grace as we move through this time together. A little bit behind the scenes as Julie and I were moving through this recording together. Hopefully you don't notice it as you're listening, but there were tech issues galore. Zoom was kicking me out left and right, but Julie, every time I came back, she's like, we got this. We're going to take a deep breath. She was totally practicing what she was preaching and what she was talking about. And that's one of the things that Julie embodies and why it's so beautiful to watch you in action, Julie. But I think that's going to be so important for all of us to just keep practicing this together.

And you know, Amber, the other part of this, my 32 year old baby boy is a firefighter in Houston, Texas, so he is in the middle of this stuff. So, you know, I was talking to him last night and my husband's a state trooper and he's in the middle of this stuff. I have first responders, but I know it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And I want your audience to know this is good. Gonna be okay. And we're gonna learn so much through this adventure.

Oh, will we ever. And I want you to know that I am here to support you. Julie has one of the biggest hearts you will ever, ever, ever find. Julie, where can everyone who is listening, where can we find you?

Oh, thank you. My website is Julie Merryman, Ph.D.

And.

I'm just now crafting a new opt in that will go up in the next few days. That's a journal to help you with overwhelm, stress and burnout. So maybe there might be some things that would help us. We go through this too.

Amazing. We will link both of those things up in the show notes with this podcast episode. Julie, thank you so much for being here with us on the Right On Time podcast. You and your support for all of us is completely right on time. And we will talk again soon, I hope. Thank you so much. Talk soon, everyone.