Taking Action: How to Transform Your Passion into Purpose

So you definitely need to have a little bit of belief. But the idea that you need to wait until you have 100% of belief in yourself before you take action is just going to hold you back. Because as humans, we're never going to really have 100% of belief. There's always, always going to be a little doubt, there's going to be a little fear. And on the Internet there's a lot of stuff out there. It's like you got to believe 100%. You got to like go all in. And some of us are just like, I just don't. But that's okay. All I need you to do is believe a little bit more than you don't, like 51%. If you can get to 51% of belief a little bit more than you don't, that'll help you get to that first action step. And that first action step will give you some sort of win. And the win might even be a failure. It might even be I tried and it didn't work. That's still a win because you learned something and you put another point in your confidence bank because you prove to yourself that you can take action even when you're scared. So either way, it's a win. Foreign.

I am so grateful that you are here today. We are going to have such a lovely conversation with Jen Gottlieb, powerhouse entrepreneur, international speaker, host of the I Dare you podcast, Co founder of Super Connector Media, an award winning training events and online education company. With a successful five year stint as a VH1 host and a career as a Broadway actress, Jen is making waves in the entrepreneurial world by teaching business owners how to build profitable brands and become the recognized expert in their field. Now I want to share a couple of extra things about what is coming up for you. We in this podcast episode have a dare for for you, an invitation, something to try, something to experiment with. We also have a secret. So I want you to listen in for the secret that we are going to tell and share with you. And all in all, this is such a lovely conversation. If you are at a place in your life where you have a message to share, where you have an idea that's percolating, a change in your life that is happening. Jen brings it inspiration, motivation, tangible tactics, ideas, strategies for you to start implementing. Hence the dare. And I think you're going to like the secret too. By the way, Jen also has her new book out Be seen. So we're going to talk about things in this but there is so much More in the Book before we dive in to this conversation with Jen, I want to share a little bit more about her. She has shared the stage with top thought leaders, so celebrities including Gary Vee, Marie Forleo, Eric Thomas, Emmett Smith, Snoop Dogg, and Martha Stewart. How cool is that? Her work has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Maxim, Goop, Women's Health, and other major publications. Her company, Super Connector Media, was recently listed in the Inc. 5000 list fastest growing private companies in America. And Jen was named as one of the top 50 speakers in the world by Real Leaders and Magazine. Little tidbit that she's going to share more about in this episode. Jen was listed as top 50 speakers in the world, but she has not been speaking her entire career. This professional speaking track is actually something that just began recently. So more on that because I think it's fascinating how she has made shifts in her career in her entrepreneurial journey and how it is paying off a lot to learn here. Despite her many accolades, Jen remains true to her New Yorker at heart and shares her Manhattan home with her husband, Chris. And there are three adorable dogs, Tammy, Teddy and King Arthur. This is going to be amazing. I can't wait to have this conversation with you.

Let's go.

Hey Jen. And it is so good to be here with you.

It's beyond. I'm the second that the video turned on, I was like transported to a place that I was like, oh my God, I feel at home. You're with certain people and you just don't even know them that well, but immediately you feel at home with them.

I love that. You know, this is going to be a good conversation. That is a sign of a good thing to come. We agreed that I was going to surprise you with the first question that I wanted to ask.

Yeah.

And I the thing I was, I'm so curious about. You toured on Broadway and I was so curious. Do you sing?

I used to for sure. So let me tell you. So I used to sing. I. I sang and danced. That was like what I always thought my purpose was since I was a little girl. I always thought that I was going to be a performer, an actress. Like that was it. I was a performer when I was a kid. I went to school for musical theater. I draw. I was a musical theater major in college, dropped out of college and was like, I need to move to New York City and actually study musical theater in New York. Came here, studied musical theater at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, which is right down the street from where I live now. And Then I went on tour with my dream role as Linda in the Wedding Singer. Broadway national tour, the Adam Sandler movie. And, yeah, and I. Yes, I sing. What I would tell you is that I'm an actress who sings and dances, so I'm not the type of girl that, like, you could just, like, put on stage and be like, here, sing I will always love you, or, like, a really hard song or the Titanic song, and belt it out and be amazing. I would be able to act the shit out of that song and impersonate the person that sings the song and make it sound like I'm really good at singing. But am I the girl that just has this beautiful voice from God?

No.

I'm a performer who can sing. And I think that's how I got a lot of my roles. Because I think that when you're doing musical theater, you really just need to be an amazing performer and actor and then just know how to carry a tune. And that's exactly what I would call myself.

I'm scared because I like to sing, and some people say, like, yeah, and other people say no. So, you know, maybe I've got, like, the whole polarizing, like, know your people thing down big. Do you walk around the house singing?

No, I don't sing at all now. That's the thing you don't see. Not at all. And maybe it was because it was, like, the thing that I was working towards, like, the majority of my life, and I'm just exhausted with it. And I don't ever want to sing again because I realized that wasn't the purpose or my passion after, you know, traveling the country and doing 10 shows a week and, I don't know, it just. I stopped singing, and now I scream so much with singing, it's like, if you don't work it, like, you don't practice, it's a muscle, you lose it. It's so true. I can't sing anymore. I'm telling you. I can kind of sing, but because I don't practice and I'm just screaming on zoom all the time, and I'm just, like, screaming on stages. I don't have the gift anymore. I would have to work at it in order to be able to sing. So I don't really sing. I dance.

You dance a lot. Do you dance on stage? Because you're phenomenal on stage, whatever you do. Every time I see you, your presence, your energy, every photo, like, oh, my gosh, that is so beautiful. It's magnetic.

Thank you. That's the gift. So it's really interesting because like I said, when I was a little kid, I always thought that my purpose, this is why I don't like people say, like, oh, I need to find my one purpose because I think that our purpose changes over time and we don't necessarily even maybe realize what the real purpose is. And we're blinded by the purpose that we think think is our purpose. And sometimes that little mini purpose that we think is our purpose is actually secretly leading us towards something that we didn't even know existed. So for me, I always thought I was supposed to be a singer and actress because that's all that I knew of when it came to performing on stage. I knew I had this gift since I was little that I'm a great performer, I'm great on stage. I loved being on stage. It's my happiest place in the world. So I thought, okay, in order to be on stage, I have to sing other people's songs, dance other people's moves, audition, wait for someone to pick me, be a traditional actor. So I worked my ass off to do that, did it, and then realized really quickly that when I was doing it, it wasn't the lifestyle that I wanted. And I was like, how else am I going to get to be on a stage? And I made a decision after five years on tv, I went on tour. Then I was on the TV show for five years and I was like, I'm not going to continue to pursue acting. And my parents said to me, they're like, jenny, are you sure? Like this is what you love. This is like, how are you going to continue on in your life, like not doing the thing that you love. And I said to them, I will end up back on stage somehow. I know for sure it's where I'm meant to be. I just have this weird feeling that it's not going to be in the traditional way, that I'm not going to do it by auditioning and waiting for someone to pick me. I didn't know I was going to be speaker. I had no idea. I didn't even know what a speaker was. I've never seen a speaker in my life at this time. I was just like, I just know I'm meant to do something different and I will end up back on stage like, and I used to say, like, it would be, it'll be a back door kind of way. And now that I'm like speaking on stages and this is my career and I dance on stages now too because like whenever we do events, we Dance. I speak, I perform. It's so much more fulfilling. I get on the stage, I'm like, oh my God, duh. This is what it was all for. It makes sense now. You can't connect the dots looking forwards. You can only connect them looking backwards. And I said it, I will end up back if it is my, my purpose. It'll just be in a different way, in a different shape or form. And if I didn't keep following the signs and taking the risks and letting go of things that I didn't love in order to pursue something that maybe I didn't even know existed, I would have never ended up where I am.

Oh my gosh. I am just enamored, enthralled like so into that storyline because it's so incredibly right on time. Like, what are those signs that are emerging? What's coming up following them? I didn't even know this existed. And when did you start speaking?

Speaking?

This was fairly recently.

Yeah, yeah. My first speaking engagement was. Well, when my first entrepreneurial thing that I did was after I lost everything. I had a rock bottom moment where my show got canceled. The. The guy that I was with dumped me. And I went from living in this like, multimillion dollar apartment with him having this quote, unquote perfect life on paper with this TV show, to literally living in a tiny little room with like, there was six other actors in the apartment. I had a window that faced a brick wall. I had. My TV show was gone, the boyfriend was gone, and I didn't know who I was anymore and I had to start over from scratch. And the thing that I kept thinking that I wanted to do while I was being an actress is I didn't want to be a waitress, I didn't want to be a babysitter like most of my friends in order to like, pay the bills. While I was auditioning, I was like, I want to be a personal trainer. So I decided that I was going to become a personal trainer and this was going to be the gig that I had that supported my acting career. Well, while I was becoming a personal trainer, I realized, wow, this is like, kind of like being an entrepreneur and owning a business. This is cool. And I started building this business, got this entrepreneurial bug and I built it into something really amazing and pretty big. And that's when I decided, all right, I'm not going to act anymore. I'm going to go full on and being an entrepreneur and, and seeing where this takes me. But the first speaking engagement I ever got was to speak in front of, like, six fitness professionals at a bar studio. It was sponsored by, like, Carbon38, which is a, like, workout wear line. And they were like, we want to have a speaker come in and teach these fitness professionals how to build their business. And at the time, I was a personal trainer that built a business, and there was 12 people sitting on the floor in front of me, or, like, six. There was about 12, and I had no shoes on. And I was in this bar studio, and I had to speak in front of them. This was probably six years ago.

Wow.

I was so nervous. I'm telling you. I practiced that talk like I was going to the Oscars or performing on Broadway. I rehearsed and rehearsed, rehearsed. I was so petrified to speak in front of these 12 people with no microphone, no shoes on. And I started talking. And like, 15 minutes into my talk, the girls that were sitting on the floor, they started crying. And I knew in that moment that that was it for me. This is what I'm supposed to do with my life. And they came up to me after, and they're like, oh, my God, what you said has changed the trajectory of my life. And I'm like, I could speak. I could be on a stage and help people in that way and actually say my own words instead of somebody else's words, and be myself instead of being somebody else and do this for a living, or do this as part of my business and incorporate performing into entrepreneurship. Is there anything better? And I didn't even know that that even existed until I had that experience. So that was the first speaking engagement, and then it kind of went from there, and it really wasn't that long ago.

Ah. You said you had this knowing, like, this, wait, I can do this. And you got that feedback, and you got that response from the audience. And I think there are so many times, at least in my life and people I speak with, where I know I'm meant to do something different or I'm on a path.

And it was the right path for.

A while, but a lot's happened in the last few years, and I'm ready to make some significant changes. But knowing that it's time for a shift and a change and actually making the shift and the change or following that calling are two very different things.

Yeah. How did you do it?

How do we do it?

So I was talking about this on my Instagram live this morning. Clarity follows action. You don't get clear by sitting around and thinking about it, unfortunately. And I think where a lot of people get stuck is they sit around and they wait for the perfect time to take action. They're like, I know I'm for something more. I don't really know what it is. So I'm going to sit around and I'm going to think about it until it comes to me. And then I'll. I'll put out the perfect plan, and then I will just do the plan. If I waited for that to happen, nothing would have happened. I would have stayed exactly the same. I would have stayed staring at that brick wall in that little tiny apartment, auditioning for parts, not being fulfilled, not being happy, never discovering that I wanted to teach and inspire and motivate and do all the things that I do now. None of that clarity came without actually taking action. And in my book, there's an entire chapter called the Law of Action. And many people that might be listening to this might think about the Law of Attraction a lot or might consume some content about the Law of Attraction and might be manifesting something or have something that they're trying to attract into their lives. And the Law of Attraction is amazing. The majority of the things in my life I believe that I've manifested. But the Law of Attraction does not work without the Law of Action. And here's how it works. If you visualize what it is that you want, like when I was getting. When I was. I told you I played my dream role in the Wedding Singer. I spent months and months and months visualizing myself playing that part on Broadway and really, like, seeing myself to sleep at night and visualizing myself as the role with the lights on my body and the costume and seeing the audience out there and. And visualizing it and feeling as if it was real. My friend, if that's all I had to do to get that role, then that would be pretty magical and amazing. But that's not it. What that does is the visualizing and the believing that it's yours is what that's doing is it's reprogramming your subconscious to actually think that that really happened. Because the subconscious doesn't know the difference between a real memory and a fake one. So I was implanting a fake memory into my brain that this role was mine. I performed it already. Easy peasy. It was so fun. I felt the gratitude for it. I put myself in the position so that when the opportunity to audition came my way, I stepped courageously into the direction of that opportunity because my subconscious was like, oh, duh, yeah, go. Whereas if I didn't do all of that Visualizing and believing, I probably would have been really scared. I probably would have had a lot of limiting beliefs. Maybe I wouldn't have even gone to the audition. Maybe after the eight callbacks that I went on and then didn't get the part and then had to wait and follow up, there's a whole story. It's all in the book. Maybe I wouldn't have done any of those things because I wouldn't have had created that belief in my mind that it was truly mine. So the action steps that I took were the things that made the thing that I want to create. It's the thing. The action steps made me clear on what the next steps were to take. If I didn't start going, I would have never gotten the clarity. And then if I didn't do the visualizing, I would have never taken action. So it's really a circle. But again, like, I wish you could get clear by sitting around and thinking about it, but it really often takes taking a risk, taking an action step, messing up, failing, falling on your face, winning, figuring out what doesn't work, to figuring out what works. And that's how you get clear. And that's how this path was laid out for me. Not by thinking about it, but by doing a whole bunch of different things. Some of them worked, some of them didn't.

And okay, I just have to know because I have so many questions around all these little action steps stories that go with it. But that's all in the book, right?

Yes, all in the book.

Okay, good, good, good, good. Okay, so I'm going to save some of it because there are a couple of other things that I want to know about. Now, while we've got you here live, you say something that is, you should not believe in yourself 100%. What this is, I'm like, wait a second. Because I know there's research on belief. Like if you believe that you can do the thing or have the thing, you're more likely to get the thing right, tied to visualization, what you just talked about. So I've got to know more about this. Like, wait, why shouldn't I believe in 100%?

Okay, so you definitely need to have a little bit of belief. But the idea that you need to wait until you have a hundred percent of belief in yourself before you take action is just going to hold you back. Because as humans, we're never going to really have 100% of belief. There's always, always going to be a little doubt, there's going to be a little fear. And on the Internet, there's a lot of stuff out there. It's like, you got to believe 100%. You got to, like, go all in. And some of us are just like, I just don't. But that's okay. All I need you to do is believe a little bit more than you don't, like 51%. If you can get to 51% of belief a little bit more than you don't, that'll help you get to that first action step. And that first action step will give you some sort of win. And the win might even be a failure. It might even be, I tried and it didn't work. That's still a win because you learned something. And you put another point in your confidence bank because you prove to yourself that you can take action even when you're scared. So either way, it's a win. But that action step is going to get you to maybe 52% of belief. Oh, I can take action when I'm scared. Okay. Oh, I did this thing and it worked a little bit. Now I believe a little bit more. That'll get you to maybe 60%. Maybe some days you'll get to 70. Maybe some days you'll even get to 98.5%. And then you're in flow, you're taking action consistently. You're going. And then you, maybe you'll get back down to 51, but you don't have to be at 100 to take action. And if you always believe that, like, I got to wait until a hundred percent, you're never going to do anything, and you're always going to stay the same. So everyone that's listening, if you can just believe a little bit more than you don't to get to that first action step, get there. Get there. And then that belief level will change. It'll morph, it'll go up, it'll go down over time, but it's always helping you. It's always leading you towards a step that you needed in order to get more clear on where you're supposed to go.

It's leading you toward a step that you needed to get you where you are supposed to go. So dang good. Even if you mess up, even if we trip and fall on stage, whatever it is, wherever it is, ah, it's meant to be and it's. It's building on it. You talk about, I want to, I want to shift a little bit into some of the practical stuff around this, because you are really good. Of course, this is what the whole book's about too. But I see it. We know it, like, from, from. If you are connected to Jen and you see her online and you see her presence, we know that you are excellent at connecting with people and building a brand. How do people do that? Like, whether, like, I actually have a community and I'm like, all right, I would like to nurture that relationship even more than we've got. Like, okay, I'm just starting out, or it's small community or where do we go with this? Especially in this day and age when there's like so much noise.

Yeah. People always say, like, what's the first step in building a brand? And I always start with connection.

Always.

And that's. That's the third part of the book. So the book is broken up into four parts. And the first parts be courageous. So you really need to, like, step, like what we just talked about, like, getting outside of fear or like talking to fear and putting it in the passenger seat and taking action so that you can get clear. Second parts, all about being creative about what you want to create and stepping into the U 2.0 version of yourself. Right. Believing a little bit more than you don't to get the thing that you really want. And the law, using the law of action, law of attraction, all that. But the third part of the book is be connected. And I could not write a book about building a brand and creating the life that you want and being fulfilled without having a portion about connection. Connection is key. And the best way to fast track your goals is to focus on building relationships. And not just any kind of relationships. Building win, win authentic, deep, real relationships with people that will fan your flame and lift you up and support you, and people that really want you to win so that you want them to win. And it's very hard to build a brand on your own. If you were to just, okay, I'm going to build a business, I'm going to build a brand. I'm going to start posting on social media. Amazing. I applaud you. That's incredible. That's exactly what you should start doing. However, because of the algorithm, because of everything that's happening on the Internet, because of the attention economy, it's really hard to just spray and pray and hope that people are going to randomly find you. The fastest way to build a brand online and to get an audience of people that actually want to watch and listen and learn about what you have to do, say and do is to leverage other people's audiences. So connect with people who have an audience of People already that you would like to get in front of. Like, what we're doing right now. You're getting in front of my audience, I'm getting in front of your audience, and you're introducing me to your audience of people who already follow you. So anyone that follows you is going to be like, any she brings on her show, I'm going to want to follow because I trust her, right? Like, I trust Amber. I know that she's somebody that if she brings someone on their show, it's someone that I want to know. So I'm actually getting in front of your audience. Your audience is going to now become my followers, but I'm also going to share this podcast in front of my audience, and my audience is going to say, oh, Jen was on this podcast. It means she must really like this girl Amber. It means I'll probably really like this girl Amber. So therefore, my followers are going to become your followers. And this is how you create a community of people that actually are opting in for the right reasons. They want to listen to you for what you have to bring. So what I would do if I were you, if you're just. If you're listening and you're just starting to build your brand, go online and find some people that already have an audience of your ideal dream client avatar or your dream audience members, somebody that maybe does something similar to you, or they talk to the type of person you want to talk to, and slowly but surely start to build a relationship with that person by providing value to that person, by showing up, by being present, by just loving on that person and engaging with that person, going to events, meeting people like that, and then collaborate and get on each other's platforms and get in front of each other's audiences. That's what I spend the majority of majority of my time doing. That's what we teach people to spend the majority of their time doing. And that's how you fast track brand building.

Okay, this is phenomenal. I'm obsessed, and I'm obsessed with the example that you gave as well, around, like, we're doing this right now because as you were talking, and I'm sure someone who is listening is thinking the same, like, oh, this is hard. I feel silly asking for help. I have. I poured in enough to that relationship to make an ask. Like, I really want to, like, give and give and give. And then like, okay, I filled up my karma bank. Now I can make the ask, right? So I have some resistance. And I oftentimes, I mean, I say to my Husband. I said it to a friend last week. They're like, oh, you.

You're.

You know, some people, like, connect and then share this with them. And I was like, yeah, but I'm in Africa. Like, I can't see them as much or I don't talk to them as much because time zones.

Right.

So what do I think? I have a lot of excuses coming up. Do you hear excuses?

I do. And I have so much to say on this. I have an entire chapter on, like, becoming a master, a master asker and the importance of asking for help and how actually allowing people to help you is one of the greatest gifts that you can give someone. And I lesson in a really big way actually recently. So I made a new friend recently who is an unbelievable woman. She is actually one of the best doctors in the world. Okay. She's a doctor, and she takes care of war fighters, and she takes care of some of the biggest celebrities. Celebrities and the biggest people in the entrepreneurial space. And we became really good friends. And she. Her job is health care. Like, she takes care of people. That's what she gets paid to do. So I never, ever want to ask her about health advice ever. Like, I'm like, that's what you get paid to do. We. I'll just, you know, help you, and we'll just be friends and everything. And I never want to ask her. And we got to a point in our friendship where she actually said to me, she was like, it would make me the happiest. Can you please give me the gift of being able to take care of you, of being your doctor? And I just want to do it because it's a gift for me. It makes me feel good, and it's going to make me feel happy and fulfilled. If I can take care of you, will you please give me that gift? And I'm like, what? Like, so. And then every time, I'm like, she's like, can you please ask me for help? Can you tell me how you're doing? I'm like, I don't want to bother you. She's like, every day that goes by that you're not asking me is you're making me feel, like, not useful. So how do you feel, Amber, when you're able to help people that you love? Like, how does it make you feel when someone asks you for help and you're able to help them?

You are so spot on. Yeah, I love it. Of course. Yes.

You feel seen, you feel heard, you feel important. You feel like you can provide value. It makes you feel good to help people. So every time that you're not asking somebody for help, someone that you've put the value chips into already and you have a great relationship with, every time you're not asking them for help where they could, could help you think about, you're actually depriving them from a moment of feeling good and feeling loved and feeling seen and feeling like they, they are of value to you. So I think that if you flip it around like that and you're giving somebody a gift by asking them for their help, it makes it a hell of a lot easier. And then as long as you're reciprocating and you're providing value and they're providing value, you create such a beautiful relationship. Not only a relationship that creates unbelievable wins in business, but also creates a real deep connection and a lot of really fulfilling, beautiful moments between other humans. And we need connection in order to thrive and be healthy and grow.

It's so true. That research just came out. Harvard has had a multi year study and they've just updated one of the core elements of happiness and lasting happiness is relationships.

That's it. That's it. I know. I think I was listening to a podcast where I was talking about, like, how to live longer. And like the number one thing is having power relationships and connections. And the way to do that is to help one another is to help one another. It feels good to help people. And if no one's asking you for help, you feel very lonely in the world.

Why do you think it is so hard to make that ask for help? Like you're, you're on, you're on a tour for the book right now and you're making a lot of ask. Yeah. How is it hard for you? Yes.

Okay, so here's why. It's a little easier. It's still hard. I'm not going to lie. Asking for help is never easy. It's never fun. I just told you, like, I've got a friend that's begging me to help. Yeah, right. And to let her to, for her to help me. And I'm like, no, no, I'm okay. It's okay. Right? Because that's how we're conditioned as kids. Like to, you know, always like, you know, no, don't ask for too much. Have good manners. We're preconditioned to not want to ask people for help. But prior to this book launch, I was in a season of giving, which I still believe that I'm in, and I decided it was my season of giving. And I said, I'm going to be in a season of giving where I'm not going to make any asks because I know I got a lot of asks coming up and I want to feel as comfortable asking as I possibly can. And the only way that I'm going to feel comfortable asking is if I give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give right now and not ask for anything. So for the entire year while I was writing my book, before the launch of this book, I was just giving as much as possible without asking for anything in return. And I still spend, believe me. Actually, I would say I, I'm still in that season of giving and I think I'll always be in a season of giving. But I was like hyper drive giving, you know, like when it came to my friends writing books, getting them, you know, billboards in Times Square and buying. You don't. And listen, someone that's like, oh, I don't have money to give that much. You don't have to give financially. You can also just give with your engagement. You can give with your positive reviews, you can give with sharing, you can give with textbook and saying, love you, thinking about you, supporting you. I've got you in this. And just think about giving a lot. And so now that I'm in this season of asking, I know that like, I've provided so much value. So I don't feel as uncomfortable making the ask because I know that I've already put in like a whole bunch of giving. But if I came into this where I was just like a taker and I was just like, you know, and I didn't have anywhere to go with my ask, I would feel really gross about it and I wouldn't feel good about asking and it would be hard. So there's a whole section in the book of how I teach, actually my top 20 tool, which is how you can get anything that you want by leveraging the network that you already have. And it all starts with figuring out what you can do to help people in your life without asking them what they need help with and getting creative and spending a little bit of time throughout your day just helping people and providing value. And again, it doesn't have to be financial value, it could be any kind of value to make somebody feel really great and seen and loved.

I love the way that you speak about hope as well. And this is so aligned, it's coming up for me as you're speaking. Help one person every day.

So good.

It took me a minute to be like, hope, that's the definition, but it hope everybody in case somebody didn't get that right away like I did, and I was looking, I'm listening, like, wait, that's so good.

It really is helpful when you're creating content and you get nervous. I work with a lot of people and help a lot of people. They have a great message and they help a lot of people behind the scenes, but they're scared to put themselves out there and they're scared to be seen. And one of the ways that I get over my own fear, and I'm not going to say got over my fear, I'm saying get over my fear of being seen, because I still experience fear. I just think of hope and I think of helping one person. So the reason that we get so nervous, understandably so, is we're worried about what we look like, what we sound like, if people are going to judge us, if we're good enough, if what we're saying is interesting enough, and it's all about us, right? We're totally in ego mode. It's okay. That's how our brains work. I'm not saying saying that anyone's wrong for that. I get an ego mode a lot. I'm like, oh, my God, is my alpha cute enough? Are they going to. Am I good enough to be here? Imposter syndrome, all that stuff. But the reason we're nervous is because we're focusing on the wrong thing. If you're standing on a stage or you're creating a piece of content or you are speaking to a group of people or you're doing a live, or you're writing an article or you're doing a podcast. It's actually not for you or about you. It's about the person that's listening, the person that's watching, the person that's reading. And if you can focus on just helping that person and talking to that person, giving them the value that they need and helping them, it takes all of the energy away from you and worrying about what you look like and what you sound like, and it puts them focus on just helping someone, and your nerves will go away. That's what helps me.

I love that because a lot of the messaging and there's a lot of marketing, it's like, do you, like, do what you're going to do, design your business for you, design this life for you. But there's this point of connection where there is something outside of you. You're sharing your gifts and having impact.

So I love that you pulled through.

Like, help, like the Helping one person pour into people. And how do you find yourself balancing your goals and your dreams and you know that calling with what people are looking for from you, the expectations people have.

Well, my goals are really aligned with like helping other people. So really like it is, I get it. Like there's expectations, but you got to let go of other people's expectations for you. And if you honestly, if you just focus on like thinking about your person. So I love to think about my ideal client avatar. Like when I was writing this book, I wrote this book for one girl. She's an imaginary girl in my mind, but I wrote it for her. And everyone's gonna love the book, not just Kayla. In my mind, her name's Kayla. But like I wrote it for her and I talked to her and I think about all the Kayla's in the world whenever I create content and I just want to provide value to them. And yes, I'm going to do it in a way that feels good for me. But as long as I'm in alignment with like what my why is and my why is to help girls like Kayla be able to finally be seen and feel seen and feel like they can be their most authentic selves and shine their light and feel fulfilled in their life and create everything that they want and be that girl on the stage of their life, whatever that is. Even if it's a physical stage, if it's a video stage, if it's just a, the stage of like giving birth to their child and being a mom or being an amazing wife, whatever stage that is shining in their spotlight, that's my goal. I want that girl to have that moment. I want that girl to DM me and be like, Jen, the video that you made helped me do this X, Y, Z thing that I was scared to do. And now I feel so proud of myself and so amazing. Everything that I do is like geared towards that girl. And whenever I stay focused on that girl, I'm always in alignment. I'm always doing things that feel good for me because it's, it's very true to my why. But when I veer off the path of talking to Kayla and talking to my girl and making it for my girl or guy, you know, it's like, you know, lots of guys get a lot of value out of my stuff too. But I have this one person in my head. But when I get off that path, that is when I get out of alignment, that's when things don't work and we all do. Like, it's part of Life. It's actually just as important to get off path as it is to stay on path, because the moments of getting off your path and getting out of your zone and getting out of the pocket teach you way more than when you're totally in alignment all the time.

Okay. In the pocket. I'm so curious about this. And the other thing that's coming to mind as you're speaking right now is, you know, we've got this calling and we have this inkling and this nudge that this is the way we're supposed to be going. And what I hear from many, many people is, how do I differentiate and go from being just another person on the Internet to having something unique here?

Well, everybody's unique, and that's the cool thing about it. So there's a zillion doctors, there's a zillion health coaches. There's a zillion life coaches. There's a zillion of everything. Okay, there. There is a bunch of people that are doing exactly what you do right now. Maybe it's not exactly, but there's. If you're listening right now, I hate to break it to you, there's a lot of people that are doing this exact same thing, and that's awesome. But here's the even more awesome thing, is that there's only one you. There's only one Jen Gottlieb. There's only one Amber. There's only one whoever you are that's listening to this right now. The way you speak, your mannerisms, the way you explain things. You could talk. I could say the exact same quote as somebody else, but the way that I say it resonates with someone way better than the way that they say it or the way that that other person says it resonates way better. And as long as you stay completely true to who you are, you will always stand out, and you'll always be unique because there's only one you. And that's what the whole message of the book is, is I spent a lot of time in my life being someone that I thought everyone else needed me to be. That wasn't anything like me. I was pretending to be this heavy metal girl and, like, be like every other damn heavy metal girl. Like, sexy bimbo kind of girl. No offense. Like, I'm not trying to put anybody else down, but I was being a sexy bimbo girl, and I was just, like, not being Jen. And that's what got me out of alignment. That's what got my life totally discombobulated. That's what made me feel lost and unfulfilled. And the sc. Scariest moment in my shift was taking down that mask and figuring out who I was and showing the real me to the world, because that's vulnerable. But when I was finally able to do that, that's when all the success started to fly in. Because there's only one me. There's only one you. That's why people listen to this podcast over any other personal development podcast out there. They've chosen it because they connect deeply with you and who you are. And if you were to pretend to be like anybody else, then you would just be in the sea of the sames, you know? But you've broken through and you've become unique because you've just shined your light, you know? And that's the light that only you have. No one else has it. So that's how you stand out, by doubling down on the things that make you unique and different. The things that only you possess. Your story, your flaws, your imperfections, your greatest assets.

You mentioned your TV show again, and when you were talking about that and who. The Persona that you embodied at that time. I recently saw your. The book promo video, and I did not recognize you. I'm like, way, is that Jen? Because you were like a completely different. A totally different look, but a different energy. Everything was so different.

I'm telling you, I don't even recognize that girl. And I. I love talking about that because many people think that they. That people don't change, that there's no hope that I've been this way for so long. I'm not gonna change. It's too hard, you know? But, like, listen, I am proof. And I'm sitting here like, I'll only tell you. I will only tell people that I like things that I've actually personally experienced. And I've personally experienced an unbelievable transformation by doing the stuff that I preach. And I was a student of it before I taught it. And I've transformed from a version of me that I don't even recognize to someone that I kind of like most of the time, you know? And I feel in alignment, I feel in flow. So I want to let everybody listening know that, like, I was once walking around the city, listening to podcasts, hoping one day that I could be on them or that I could lead people or that I could change and be a person that was someone that I really liked or someone that felt in alignment with, like, who I really was or felt in flow or felt in love or felt any of those feelings because I was depressed and lost. And I just kept taking one little action step every single day that moved me closer. I kept believing a little bit more than I didn't. I didn't believe 100%. I believed a little bit. I kept allowing myself to be seen in my imperfections even though it sucked. It was scary, it was painful, it was uncomfortable. I didn't like it. I allowed myself to fail. I got rejected a lot. It was a whole journey. But all of those things and all of those dots connected me to where I am now. And I know that I'm going to be planting a hell of a lot more hard, uncomfortable thoughts in order to get me to where I'm going. But you can change. It is totally possible. You just have to do the work.

You know, also, when I think we as humans are designed to grow, evolve, and change, and when we resist that, like, we got this nudge, oh, maybe I should try this. Resist, resist, resist.

Don't do it.

And no, this is my life. Like, that's not me. Listen. And I think when we don't listen and follow exactly what you're talking about, it becomes even more uncomfortable and we're just kind of keep veering off the wrong way. The discomfort is going to catch up with you someday.

Oh, my gosh. It's like an internal argument that you're having with yourself. That's what I had. I was like, always fighting with myself. And there's a lot of energy expended when you're always fighting with yourself. And I do believe that when you're out of alignment and I. You can call that out of alignment, like you're just not it or. Or out of the place. Pocket, like, I like to say the word like in the pocket. You know, when you're in the pocket, like when you're in flow, when time stops, when you know, like, oh, I'm.

Doing this thing and this just feels.

Like easy and effortless for me and so fun. And it's like, oh, the whole day went by and I didn't even realize time's going, that's in the pocket. But out of the pocket or out of alignment, that feels stuck. It feels like you're. You're hitting a wall. It feels like you're having a fight with yourself. It feels like a lot of energy is being expended. And when you're out of alignment and you can't get yourself back in, a lot of the times the universe will step in and it will smack you right back up into Alignment. But a lot of the times that is kicked off with a big, hard lesson that you need to learn. And I know that from experience. And I'm sure many of you listening could probably also think of that experience for yourself. And if it hasn't happened yet, number one, if it does happen, welcome it with open arms. Understand that time will pass and it will be for a reason. One day you will look back and say, thank God that happened because it was brought along this wonderful lesson or this step that I needed to take or the shift that I needed to make. But you could also remove that whole thing from happening by, like, asking yourself, am I in alignment right now? And are there some changes that I can make myself without the universe having to step in and make them for me?

Yeah. And read, be seen, because you're probably going to find some clues and get some questions in there that are going to help you uncover and shift through this.

And I'm going to bring it back.

To you for final words. But first, I have one more question. I feel like I'm keeping a secret from people because before we started recording, I said, jen, your skin is glowing. And I. You told me your secret. You have. We have to share.

Oh, my gosh. Well, yeah, I told her. I told you her screen. We're going to promote somebody else right now. But I'm all about.

I am.

Okay, so first of all, when it comes to skin, skin care, I'm obsessed with drinking a lot of water, getting a good night's sleep, working out. I don't drink alcohol and I eat clean. All right? So that's like the basis of everything. People are like your skin. But it's because I am, like, obsessed with health, and that's number one. So whatever you do inside of your body will showcase on the outside. I also love skin care. I love makeup, I love beauty. I love all things you can join me for. Get ready with me. I get ready on camera every single day, Monday through Friday. And I also am now obsessed, obsessed with learning about it. And I've gone down the rabbit hole of TikTok. And if you want to see how someone that's built a personal brand does it well and gets people to buy stuff from them, go check out this lady. What did I say her name was? Beauty.

Beauty Monkey junkie. I think I got it right. Beauty. Monkey junkie.

Google some of those words on TikTok and you'll find this woman. I was on a girls trip with my girlfriends and one of my friends was like, I can't Stop watching this girl on this woman. She's woman. She's like in her late 40s, early 50s on TikTok, talking about skin care. And the videos are so digestible. They're easy to watch, it's easy to binge. And she said she, she's not selling, but she's selling. She's talking about products. And I buy all of them. So it's a great example of how to be seen, how to create content that converts. I'm a buyer, so I'm into skincare. But yeah, that. That was the beginning of this conversation.

I love it.

Yeah.

I was like, okay, I got to get back to that. There was a secret. Where is it? And it totally aligns. I love that you do the getting ready with you Monday through Friday to people go hang out. If you can't find what Jen is talking about in the resource she shared, just go ask Jen on one of her lives while she's getting ready. And okay, final words on being seen.

Yeah, it's your responsibility. So, you know, if you have a service, a story or a product that helps someone, helps people, and you're not being seen and you're not making yourself visible to those people that can be helped by you, you're being selfish because those people are going to go listen to someone else that's not as good as you or buy something that's not as good as your product or spend money with somebody else that doesn't care as much as you do simply because you are too in your head or nervous or insecure about putting yourself out there. So it is your responsibility to make yourself visible, to help other people with your gifts. And so any day that goes by where you're like, should I do it? I kind of want to. I have something really important to say. Just do it. Just do it. And every time you do it, it'll get a little bit easier. It's never going to be easy the first time, but the first time only happens once. The fear that comes with the first time only happens once. You've gotten through 100% of your worst days and you've gotten through 100% of your first times. What's your relationship with being a beginner? Right. Everybody starts at one. I started at one. I did during a lot of my keynotes. I show a video of my evolution of being live on social media. And the first few videos are the most horrific things you've ever seen in your life. Ever in your life. But I needed to have those. I needed to suck. Everyone started at one. So if you're listening to this right now and you know you're not being seen the way that you, you feel in your heart, you were called to be, just take out your phone and post something and tell a story and watch what happens to A, your confidence and B, the people that respond to it and just keep doing it consistently. And then I can say, I told you so. But if you need a little extra help, you can go order be seen my book. There's all of this and way more in it. And I'm just, I'm so grateful that it's out into the world so that everybody can have a little best friend in their hand with them when they're on this journey of putting themselves out there and figuring out who they truly are so the world can see that magnificent human that is whoever's listening.

Dang good.

Get.

Be seen. Share. Be seen. If it makes sense. More importantly, share what is on your heart. And I think Jen challenged us to go do something. Do that first thing. And then you gotta. I think people need to tell you about the thing they did so you can say I told you so.

I would love that. Listen, if you were to, as a result of this podcast and you did something scary, my podcast is called I dare you. So on my podcast, I dare people to do things. So we're going to give you a dare of the day. I'm not even tell you what that dare is. Do something that scares you, something that just makes you a little nervous. Doesn't have to be petrifying, doesn't have to be the biggest, scariest thing in the world, something that you've been wanting to do that you feel a little scared to, that you've been putting it off. Go do that thing and when you do it, take a little photo. Tag me. Tag Amber. Tell us you did it and we'll reshare you.

Ah, Jen, thank you. Love you. Love you.