A scathing parody of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare's final DLC pack, calling it a cash grab with terrible maps, exploding giant dildos, and absurd ice-breaking scenery. The speaker mocks YouTubers profiting from supply-drop videos and ridicules the surprise Exo Zombies mode as forced filler before Black Ops 3.
This is the final DLC pack for Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, which is probably one of the worst Call of Duty games ever, right behind Ghosts. And we are only releasing this map pack so we can milk the last bit of pennies and dimes out of the 12-year-olds in our fanbase. But for all you guys, realistically, this DLC pack just means that Black Ops 3 is right around the corner and you can finally break your Advanced Warfare discs. Oh look, it's the new guns we released just because we know YouTubers are gonna spend hundreds of dollars on Supply Drops so they can make Supply Drop opening videos with clickbait titles and misleading thumbnails for easy views. Yes, that is an actual avalanche, and yes, the ice does break in this map pack. Yes, breaking ice confirmed in Advanced Warfare. And the sad thing is, staring at this ice breaking is probably more enjoyable than actually playing this game itself. Let's move on to the next map in this terrible map pack, and I'm just gonna keep talking in this fast voice because I'm in the habit. And look at that Panic Punch, aka Panic Knife, the thing we most hate about the game. Yet the developers showcase it in a trailer, shows how much they know about us, and then look at Rocket Launcher, like anyone's ever used that in this stupid game. Oh look, another useless crossbow, like anyone's ever gonna use the crossbow. Crossbow, Rocket Launcher, dude, they know nothing about us, no one uses that. And now we have these huge giant dildos on the map. And apparently if you shoot the dildos they explode, so I'll give them an A for effort for trying to make them realistic, I can at least respect that. And now let's move on to the next terrible map in this terrible map pack. And this gameplay is obviously recorded in a private match because the player is not using the Bal'Inferno or ASM1. Let's be realistic, if you bought the game today, you would not know that there's a different gun besides those two in the game because that's all anyone ever uses in public matches. Oh look, it's that gun again that only YouTubers who spend hundreds of dollars in supply drop opening videos will have, who are gonna get it once and then make a video titled "How to Get Unlimited Legendary Supply Drops" even though they only got it once and they're just doing that for easy views. And it's so annoying, why has their channels not been deleted yet? I completely hate it, it is so stupid. And this is one of the last maps on the last map pack of the second worst Call of Duty game to ever exist, but at least the gameplay in this part of the trailer is actually realistic because he's using the ASM1 and he got that kill. And now he switches to knife and he goes and knifes this guy. Apparently he's staring at the ceiling. I don't know if Michelangelo was up there painting something. And now we're watching gameplay of a guy with the pistol. Obviously no one's ever gonna use that pistol, but here we go. We got a swarm killstreak. Maybe this will remind people of Black Ops 2 and make people want to buy this map pack, even though this map pack's terrible. But maybe if we remind them of Black Ops 2, the last decent Call of Duty game, maybe they'll buy it. Wait a minute, Exo Zombies is a thing? Since when has this been in Advanced Warfare? Why didn't someone tell me they had zombies? Seriously, why did no one ever tell me there were zombies in Call of Duty Advanced Warfare? But to be honest, I spent a ton of time on YouTube, so it must be be absolutely trash because of all the time I spent on YouTube and I've never seen a video of zombies in Advanced Warfare. That means it must suck really, really bad because I don't know how I've never seen a video on this if the game's— what? There's zombies? They've got to be yanking my chain. There's no way there's actually zombies in Advanced Warfare because I'm pretty sure I would have played it by now if it was actually realistic. And what the heck is that? Come on, we know that's not real. Whoa, the video's over and I'm tired of talking fast. I'm going to just keep it up. I don't know why. Why is this not over? What is this right here? I don't think I have to show this part. Is this actually part of the trailer? I don't think so. I think the video's over. Alright, I'm ready to stop talking like this. See you guys later.
