A YouTuber fires his old laptop for failing to hit 16,000 subscribers by New Year's, blaming broken sub-for-sub services and buggy bots. He replaces it with Laptop 2.0, which runs growth hacks twice as fast. The sketch mocks the obsession with artificial subscriber growth over actual content.
Laptop, man, we gotta talk. I told you I wanted 16K subs by New Year's, and it's January 1st, and guess what? I don't have 16K subs.
Wait, what are you talking about?
I told you I wanted 16,000 subscribers by New Year's, and guess what? It's New Year's, and I don't even have anywhere near 16,000 subscribers.
Oh, I am sorry, Jimmy. YouTube has been getting smarter, and it takes longer to do sub for sub.
Laptop, I'm tired of your excuses. Oh, the sub bot program's bugging out. All the sub4sub websites down. Dude, I see you straight through it, dude. Just admit it, your hardware is getting old, and I understand, man, you're an old laptop. Just quit giving me these excuses.
Why the hell is it my fault if MOOCsub4sub goes down for maintenance? I am doing everything I can to subbot your way to the top.
Know what, laptop? That's it, that's it, we're done, laptop, we're done.
What is that?
This is Laptop 2.0. Not only can it do sub for sub twice as fast as you, but it also can like bot at the same time. Where have you been all my life?
After all we have been through, this is how you treat me? I made your first video.
I'm sorry, old laptop. Just don't take it personal, okay? It's not you. It's your graphics card. You're just a little bit out of date. And I just— at the rate my channel's growing, and I just, you know, I just want to be able to do it full-time one day. I just can't put up with your mere 100 subscribers a day. I need something new. Something that can sub for sub more. And the like bot feature on this, like, you didn't even give me free likes. I just— You're just— you're just old.
Well, I guess this is goodbye then, Beast. May I live on forever in your viewers' hearts.
