A satirical guide to Call of Duty's toxic community: players never admit mistakes, blame lag or teammates instead, and trash-talk relentlessly. The host explains the origin of "your mom" jokes through an absurd black hole theory and warns that many players are actually 10-13 year olds despite the M rating.
¡Hola!
This is going to be an informational guide about the Call of Duty community. This is for people who have never played Call of Duty before and are wondering if the community is toxic. If you indeed have played Call of Duty before and know what I'm talking about, please fill me in on if I missed anything. So let's start off with one of the biggest things. When it comes to the Call of Duty community, if you die, it's never your fault. I mean, how can it be your fault? You're a god at the game. The only reasons you ever die is because of lag, because the guy's hacking, or because it's lagging and he's hacking. Another tradition us Call of Duty people have is in pregame lobbies, we like to start arguments for no apparent reason, and then when we start to lose, we just speak louder and louder and louder so you can't hear the other guy. And then right before the game starts, you say, "I'm gonna smack you," and then throughout the whole game, you try as hard as you can to beat the guy. The guy you're talking trash to. But wait a minute, you lost the game! The game is currently ending! How are you gonna face this guy you just trash talked for an entire minute after you lost to him? Here's what a majority of the community would use as an excuse: you lost because he was using the Bao Inferno, you lost because he was using the ASM one, you lost because of lag. Wait, but Beast, that's why I died. Yeah, you can use lag as an excuse for anything in the Call of Duty community. Or my favorite, You lost because your teammates are trash. If we're being 100% honest, it's not your fault you lost, and we are all aware of that, so we understand why you're using these excuses. If you are considering buying Call of Duty, I do need to give you a really serious warning, because this is something that is very common. You see, a very common thing you're gonna encounter in the Call of Duty community is that majority of the people have done something sexual with your mom. And I have a really good theory on how this happens. Now, like I said, this is just my theory, my speculation, But I think when you plug your console into the wall, a black hole opens up in your mom's room. It's invisible though, so you can't see it. And if my theory proves to be correct, then that would explain how every single person you meet on Call of Duty has done something with your mom. And the last thing you need to know about the Call of Duty community is this: even though the game is rated M for Mature, majority of the people are not actually 17.
Whaaat?
Yes, I know, this is shocking. These people abusing black holes to sleep with your mom. Are not in fact 17. In most cases, these kids actually fall in the range between the age of 10 and 13. Underage kids playing Call of Duty is more of a problem in America than my thumbnails. I know, this is a very serious problem. Please like the video so together we can put an end to underage Call of Duty-ing.
That clock keeps ticking like a metronome and my thoughts keep telling me to get me home, but my balls keep telling me to let me out.
