Grand Theft Auto V Story mode PlayStation 5

I'd like to order a cab, please.

Not a problem, a driver's on the way. Great.

So where do you want to go?

Pacific Bluff.

Okay, buddy, there you go. Oh! Aah!

Ah, see, David, that's why we're such great friends, huh? We're old school. We like old-fashioned things. Newspapers, celluloid, good guys, bad guys.

We're friends?

Well, I don't know, you tell me. We did what you said, right? Got those people off your back. Now you're gonna do like you said and cut me loose, right?

Things are not going to work out quite that way. There's a bit of a problem.

That's right, Davey boy, you could say that.

Steve, I told you I would handle this.

Oh, because you've handled everything so fucking well so far, haven't you?

All right, I admit things have been a little unorthodox, but—

Un-fucking-orthodox! You've ruined my career. Agent Sanchez, arrest these men, both of them. Oh, Steve, come on, man, please. Oh, whoa, you fucking kidding me?

Arrest me for what?

For multiple counts of every fucking crime under the fucking sun. Oh, well then let me rephrase. Why?

Why?

Because—

because you don't want me to testify in court about our various business dealings, right?

Agent Sanchez, apprehend the suspect!

Agent Sanchez, you'll do no such thing. Now, Steve, we agreed to speak to Michael, to try and explain things to him, not this. This causes problems for us all.

Okay, okay, then put your gun down and we'll talk.

After you, buddy. Come on, where's the trust? You can do better than that.

They know, or think they know, that I'm the one that was behind the incident.

Uh-huh.

And now you want me to clean up your mess again, right? Before I end up at the bottom of the ocean. Fucking good luck with that.

Put the weapons down, boys.

Fun time is over.

We've got you. Anti-American activity.

Put your weapons down, all of you. Who the fuck are you with? With me. You fucking rat. I knew you didn't have the balls for this. For the record, I'm a patriot. I love my country.

Put the weapons down.

Fuck you. We all know you agency boys are ball deep in a plot to drive up your funding by any means necessary. Boys with the guns down, gentlemen. Who the fuck are they? Fucking Merriweather. What are they doing here?

Steve, put your gun down.

Same goddamn leg.

Fuck! Bullshit! Mike, this your frequency?

That's RV at the end of the walkway, top of those stairs. I ain't going anywhere, Davey, until some more of these guys kill each other. What the hell is happening here? We're cut off. We're going to have to go down the stairs at the other end of the building. What happened to Hank? He He caught in the crossfire. Don't worry about Haynes. He went the other way. He's probably out.

We got to think of ourselves. Smells like shit coming out of your mouth. Fuck me!

You just pull all these guys out of your ass, Davey?

Go suck it!

Am I wrong, or did the Shadow War just step into the light? Time to meet your maker!

Moron!

Who's on our side, Dave? It seems like everyone wants to kill us.

Grab the weapon!

Take him down! Ass!

Okay, you're gonna die, bitch. Oh, the fuck!

Hey, if anyone's gonna kill you, old friend, it's gonna be me! Oh, you're here to finish the job, T? No, no, no, I'm just here for the opportunity. Now run! Touching reunion and all, but I'm about to get jumped by a team of rogue agents.

T, you got the vantage point.

Give Dave a hand. This is the guy who iced Brad and would ice me. I'd be better off putting my sights on him. Pain's made it out of here, and there's another group of agents looking into our shit right now. You guys are positioned to let our only friend in the Bureau get killed.

I can help you, Trevor.

Check the reflecting pool.

Looks clear.

D, make a play for that stone bitch by the pool. I'm coming down. Some more of Dane's colleagues on the way. They're clearing out the military building. Fall back! I'm holding position, but I don't know how long I can keep it up. So tell me, Davey, who are these Bureau men trying to kill me? They're a corrupt division gone rogue or on the IAA payroll.

How you doing up there, Merryweather Bird?

Is down.

I thought you were the corrupt division.

Corrupt?

Definitely below average.

How many paid soldiers these guys got? Enemy sniper up there.

I'm waiting on you, Michael.

Get down here. What happened to Hayes? Norton going to pop him at the water cooler on Monday? I'm not popping Steve.

Jesus.

I'll get close to him and I'll try to control him.

That's We get out of here alive. Pick it up, Mikey, my gun's getting hot. What are Meriwether doing at this party?

You tell me. You're the one hitting their planes, trains, and boats.

Just trying to earn a dime.

Well, your dime put us on their radar, and I don't know how we're going to get off it.

Perfect. What a day. Yeah, you die!

Finish them all!

Looks like inappropriate public spinning to me, man.

Fuck you, stupid office politics! Ah, you're dead!

Oh no, no one's going to win this fight!

Another Meriwether team on the walkway across from me. They're done.

I got to get out before someone clocks my chopper. Hey, thanks, T. This is our shot. I'm making a run for the parking lot.

Get clear and we'll talk!

Come on, it's over here!

This many bodies, there'll be cars in the lot. Put as much dirt between you and this place as you can, and do not contact me until you're absolutely sure you're clear.

Take them out! I'm taking this one.

So long.

Be careful, Davey.

Mike, before you disappear, we need to have a conversation.

So conversate. Not here.

Meet me behind the pawn shop in Morningwood. Chopper! Shit! Oh crap!

That was fun.

What are you doing smoking, huh? Come on, no, no, no, that's bad for you, don't you know, huh?

Yeah, well, maybe it's got a little something to do with being caught in the middle of a three-way firefight between two government agencies and a private militia. You know, it gets me a little stressed out.

Okay, but we still need you alive, Mikey boy. I mean, you know, at least for now. Unless of course you have another surprise for me, huh? Maybe something to do with another inappropriate friendship?

Yeah, that wasn't exactly Dave's fault.

No, no, no, he's just the friendly face of a corrupt government agency looking to further his career by dealing with an equally corrupt and full to the fucking brim with bullshit low-rent hood.

Listen, Trevor, listen, I've been meaning—

uh, you know, I've been meaning— I've been meaning to tell you, you know, I haven't— what, homie, what do you even meaning to tell me, huh? That you stabbed me in the back, or that you You were and always will be a worthless wretch who deserves to be put under. Yeah, well, what the fuck did you come back for? Oh, you know why. Ah, no, no, no. One last score.

Mm-hmm.

And if it goes good, guess what? I don't have to put a little bullet in your head. But if it goes bad, well, that's okay too, because then you and I get to go to hell. And I get to spend the rest of eternity with you, tormenting you.

Well, I guess it's on then.

Yeah, I guess it is. Call Lester. Let's go. On speakerphone.

Hey, it's me. I know.

How'd it go?

Just fabulous.

Ran into an old friend. Matter of fact, he saved my ass.

Oh, we're all friends now? Suppose a group hug's out of the question.

He wants to, uh, Still go on the final victory tour.

All right, when it looks like it's a go, I'll contact you. And remember this, gentlemen: if we pull this off, we will be making history.

Sorted.

Nasty, depraved history, but history nonetheless.

All right, there, you happy?

Fucking thrilled. Don't forget, amigo, keeping my eye on you. Yeah. Hello.

Hey, Lawrence.

Baby, what are you doing? Neighbors are gonna see this.

You're always at that fucking golf course.

You know I've got a competition coming up. Look, can we talk about this inside?

Oh really? You think I was born yesterday? Who plays golf at midnight? Okay, I'm— Oh my God! We have a civilian in need of assistance on, um, Ariel Junior Almonte. Help me! Fuck off! Oh, hey, hey.

What you doing here? I mean, I'm real glad you here.

Come here.

I can't stay.

What's up, babe?

Look, it's Lamar.

What that fool want now?

It's your best friend. He's your best fucking friend.

For real? My best friend? My homeboy, right? My nigga?

Man, fuck you.

I mean, not like that, man, but no, he ain't. He just another nigga from the hood.

Him?

Franklin, what's up?

Hey man, I'm in a bit of a bad situation. My boy Lamar got set up. I think he up near Paleto Bay at some sawmill with some ballers. Could you like do some computer magic and look into it? Is that possible at all?

It should be.

I've got a backdoor into the Paleto Bay Police Network left over from the score we did up there. Give me a second here.

Hold on.

Yes.

So what'd it say?

Huh. This must be it. There are older reports of a weed operation being run by an African-American gang. The files got buried, so I'm guessing they paid off the cops.

They growing weed up there?

Growing it in the hills, most likely, but they might be packing and shipping it out of this sawmill. I'd expect a fair few of them up there.

Shit.

And I'm gonna need I need some help. Can you tell Mike and Trevor to meet me up there?

They still aren't getting along that well.

Tell them it's for me and it's serious. Thanks, man. Hey, can I get a cab?

Uh, unfortunately we got no cabs available at the moment. Can you try again later?

You got any cabs available?

Sorry, all the drivers are busy right now. Please call back later.

Watch out!

Oh, me! Hey, why'd you invite this stoolie, huh? We want Lamar to be rescued, not sold to the feds.

Give it a rest, asswipe.

Man, would y'all two shut the fuck up? Now let's take a look at this place, man. Lester said this was some type of big weed store spot.

Place is crawling with ballas, you know. Now me and you, we don't mind the old gang warfare, but Suede Buck over there.

Yeah, tell Trevor I said bite me, man.

I said shut up. Now I see the Weaver. Where the fuck is Lamar?

Oh shit, there you go.

You know what, tell Trevor I'm gonna be up on this hill with my rifle. I don't want to be anywhere around him when he fucks this whole thing up.

Classic, classic, huh? He's already planning his escape.

Oh.

He runs away from the fight, I run towards it.

I saw a few possible entry points when I got here. One, the front entrance on the right there. It's the most direct way in and most likely the heaviest. Two, down the hill to my left. There's a bulldozer there, might be able to use it in the assault. Three, the other side from me by the railroad. Should be possible to avoid the worst of it that way.

Here's where I'm making my play. I'm going right at him.

All right, my turn to move.

Hey, I got a good vantage. I'll see what I can do up here when the time comes.

We might stand a better chance if we come at him from two angles.

Maybe.

Brink, we'll attack on your signal.

Let's go find the dude.

Laying down fire.

Here I come.

Hey, hey, the motherfuckers are rolling on us! You got a friend of ours. Bring out Lamar, we'll go away.

Frank, you found Lamar yet?

Chamberlain gangster! Families for life, motherfuckers! Where's Lamar at, kids? Any news? You found him?

No, I hope he's here, homie. This is the last day of your life, motherfucker. You feel me? I'm gonna find a way in.

I saw a few possible entry points when I got here. One, the front entrance on the right there. It's the most direct way in and most likely the heaviest. Two, down the hill to my left. There's a bulldozer there. Might be able to use it in the assault. Three, the other side from me, by the railroad. Should be possible to avoid the worst of it that way, but I won't be able to cover you.

All right, thanks.

Don't shoot and don't get too close.

We don't want them to know we're here until we want them to know we're here. I'm meeting them head-on. Direct assault.

Hey, I'm gonna get in position.

All right, I'm at the spot. When the time comes, I'll do what I can from up here.

I reckon our best shot is coming at them from two different directions.

All right, I'll take that on board.

Give us the signal when you're ready, Frank.

All right, let's do this.

I'll take out whoever I can.

I'm moving.

Shit getting hot, homie. Strap up.

That's the dude that's from Family Safe.

Fall back, father. Let's go. LG, where you at? T, hey, you seen Lamar yet?

Just guys wearing moves.

Lamar Davis wins! Oh, I need a flight.

It's over for you.

Give us the mouthy one and we'll be gone.

These dudes got the drop on me.

Travis, go! You got LD! I ain't seen him yet.

You'll know when I do. Lamar! Lamar!

Where's the towel, dude?

It's getting sick.

You found Lamar yet? No.

Hey, these dudes go for weed in bulk.

I'm surprised they ain't robbing Chamberlain. Gangster families for life, motherfuckers! Oh shit, any news? You found him?

No, I hope he's here, honey. Lamar, where's he at? Shit, I ran out of bullets. Sniper fire! Now you need me. Hold there, I'll take him out. Mike, you got a shot.

Where's Lamar at, kids? I got eyes on Lamar! Hey Lamar, let's go before they turn you into wood chips!

Oh, crazy dude!

Hey homie! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get up, let's go! Come on guys, they're here in force, you got to move! Oh, Frank's here too! Hey Frank, you thought he came by himself? Come on, man!

Man, this shit look like overkill.

We'll take Lamar, but we'll leave you the weed.

You give a bad name.

You're lucky we're not taking your pot too. They packing them in down here, homie.

This guy's up on the side there. I was literally like, this a box turn the table on the fucker.

Hey, let's stay this side where Michael can cover.

You got another guy hiding up there.

Hey, dog, come on, we're getting out of here. This was like all part of the plan, homie.

Get your fucking head down.

Hey, give me some bullets. You should have stayed in Now all these dudes just clap me.

Good, you're lost. Let us go.

The motherfucker, stay low, man. My head kind of hurts.

These guys are coming for me.

There's more of them coming, a lot more. Move it, guys, come on!

Crazy dude here too.

Hey, Trevor! All right, Lamar, let's Go! Let us go!

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, you moving up in the world, homie. I ain't never seen this many motherfuckers want to kill.

That's a funky kind of compliment, nigga, even from you.

We are walking, all right?

Hey, it's a bunch of fucking ballers down there. Hey, dudes all up on the wall and shit.

We go out this way, we'll have some cover from Michael's gun. You're out of your element.

There's another dude in the bushes. Hey homie, don't think I owe you cuz you turned up to this shit.

Nigga, I don't think shit. I'm doing this for my own peace of mind. You're lucky we're not taking your pot too.

Maybe the problem is Tanisha want to get with me, homie. That's why you down out here, nigga.

Nigga, not want you dead don't mean she want to get with your ass. Eliminate competition. Look out, they coming at us! We're getting out of here! You got to be the hardest motherfucker to kill. That's only because of the company I keep, nigga.

Pull up, gangsta nigga, one last time.

Hell yeah, the farm is going to keep on growing, nigga. Even if we crucify that snake Duke, you should have stayed in town. Here come the rest of the motherfuckers.

Oh, it looks like they come. Get rid of him already, mad tits! I'm coming for y'all, man!

We'll take Lamar, but we'll leave you the weed.

The least you could have done is bought me a burger.

You got to realize your ass I was hungry, nigga. Why you scared death in my ass? I'll take no more. All right, I'm going too. Fine, thanks.

Is we ever gonna get a proper introduction, dog?

I can take care of myself.

Go, 18. You got to tell the people up at the strip club that your boy Long Dick drank for free, you heard?

Shit, homie, you all right?

I'm straight, homie. Bitches got jump on me though.

How they get you to come all the way out here, man?

I ain't going to let a little drive stand in the way of a money-making opportunity.

Or get killed opportunity, man.

You always a pessimist.

Nah, nigga, a realist. Cause in reality, all them fools want to clap your ass, man.

What a trust that dog. I peeped out that wood chopping place when we was up this way on that Devin Weston car lift, which I still ain't been paid for, incidentally. All secluded and shit. Stretch hit me up on I'm like, yeah, that's the perfect place to buy Kush by the biz end.

Nigga, perfect place to clap some fool you beefing with, man.

I ain't even know at the time. I just thought we was gonna parlay.

Parlay? Nigga, please. Every time you leave the house, fools try to clap you.

Every meet you set up, homies there for the express purpose of clapping your ass, man.

You sure?

Because I'm sure there's been a few times—

No, I'm completely 100%.

100% show every time, nigga. Whether you buying drugs, selling drugs, or discussing drugs, talking about the weather, whatever, man, these streets is hard, dog.

This the hood you talking about. Maybe you forgot since you've been, uh, bettering yourself. Yourself sitting in that house on the hill looking down on the animals in South Central and shit, man.

You know it ain't like that.

Do I, my nigga? Because that's the way it looked to me. I'm making the best out of what I'm given, you know what I'm talking about? I ain't in some type of mentorship program. The only mentor I got—

and we gonna do something about that, dog, trust me, man.

I ain't got people teaching me that white-collar crime shit. Ain't shit changed for me, and you ain't helping.

Ain't helping?

What the you call this? Me, Michael, Trevor, we all came up here to help.

The unholy fucking trinity. Ballers beware when these fools rolling together.

You jealous of Michael and Trevor?

What happened to me and you fucking shit up? Form gangsters, nigga.

So I shouldn't have called him, right? Man, I was doing everything in my power to make sure you wasn't clapped.

I can make sure I ain't clapped.

Clearly you can't.

Next time, homie, don't come. And matter of fact, if you do come, don't bring them Man, look, let's not talk.

Next time, next time, don't get your ass in the situation, all right?

It's the hood, Frank. That's what happens in the hood.

No, the fucking don't. Not for everyone.

I'm one of them dudes that it happens to, man.

You gonna tell me what was going on back there?

Hood shit, homie. That's the shit that's different from the country club shit your overpaid ass is presently accustomed to, man.

Stress put us on this shit, man. Man, we gonna get on his ass.

Man, fuck that, homie. Look like I give a shit?

Nigga, I give a shit.

Stress do what he do. Niggas want me dead, be dead themselves. I ain't gonna overreact to shit.

Overreact?

Man, that nigga Stress tried to get you killed, nigga.

Nigga, that's the hood. I'm still here, ain't I? Yes. You sure Stress knew they was gonna book me?

Yeah, nigga, Stress knew. Everybody knew Stress knew. Tanisha knew Stress knew, and she don't even come around the fucking hood no more.

Damn, that nigga Stretch janky like that, man?

You don't see this, man? Stretch been screwing us from the start.

Like from back in the day?

From like the other day, dog. Since after we went to the recycling place and D and them ballers tried to take us down.

But Stretch put in the work on D.

Yeah, man, that's survival. Remember how angry his ass got, especially with you bringing him into this shit?

All right, all right, but tell me this though. If Stretch was fucking with your boy LD, why he set us up with deal for the brick in the first place. He go off and make peace with the Ballas, come back, and then put us on the lick on Grove Street.

Man, you remember Grove Street?

That brick was drywall.

Ripping us off was probably Stretch's ideal anyway.

Damn, you think so?

It makes sense, don't it?

Man, I ain't knowing, man.

Maybe, man. Stretch got in with the Ballas when he was inside, played us as marks, dog. But a bunch of them got booked, so now they gotta come back at us. So Stress sends you out there where they doing a goods deal.

Then you show up and save the day.

Yeah, thankfully.

Man, it wouldn't even be the same if your boy LD wasn't out here getting in the shit and FC wasn't getting him out of it. Know what I'm talking about? Man, I don't know. That shit was fun, nigga. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy scrapping like we did back in the day.

It ain't back in the day no more, dawg.

But it felt like it was.

Okay, fool. It was fun saving your useless ass one more fucking time.

There you go, that wasn't too hard. You should have seen your face when I came in.

You were like, shit, shit, shit, hey, shit, man.

Oh, bullshit, nigga.

You better check them drawers, homie. You probably shitted yourself.

Fuck you, man. I don't care if I die. It's a compliment if they sending an army after a nigga.

They only sent like 2 of the little homies to get Nigga, you didn't look like they was paying you no compliment, nigga.

Must have just caught a glimpse of your ugly ass.

Nigga, you think I'm some angel come to take your ass somewhere you never going to.

You pray to your white man God, homie. I'm going to the great plain beyond where the buffalo keep on roaming and the little squaw bitches want me to nut on they face all day.

Bitch, please.

You! Oh no!

So I guess, I guess what we learned is, nigga, don't think it ain't no fun to be half fucking with the homies, nigga. You feel me, my nigga? I guess you can look at it like that. Hey, but also Real shit, my nigga. Uh, you know, you nigga out here doing VAD, man. Why don't you slide me a few dollars or something? You know what I'm talking about?

It's hard out here.

Oh shit, nigga, that's nothing.

I know you done went all Illuminati and shit, you know what I'm saying? Leave the street niggas in the back. Damn, man, uh, way to keep a nigga down, my nigga. I mean, thank you, I guess. Pay me for all the work a nigga put in for you getting them cars and shit, you know what I'm talking about? Give a nigga just enough money to get him a little 40-ounce and a bucket of chicken on the way to the poorhouse, huh?

Man, don't be like that, dog, because number one, I never got paid for the fucking call. Number two, I saved your fucking ass no matter how many times you and that tiny fucking brain of yours tried to get us killed. I saved you, dog.

You supposed to, my nigga. I thought we was homies for life.

Me too, but I thought we was trying to get out of this bullshit. You live in a fantasy, homie. The best thing you can hope for is a big turnout for your motherfucking funeral.

Nigga, ain't nobody coming to your funeral.

What, man?

What about all the motherfucking times I saved your life, homie? What about that?

Oh, thank you, homie. Thanks for leaving your nigga in the backfield.

You know what, my nigga? If your ass can just act civilized, you would get some work. But instead, you want to be this gangbanging, mad-dogging asshole.

Oh, my bad, Mr. Gold Card. Excuse me, sir. Thank you for helping out a post-street nigga like me, sir. You can go now, sir. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Who you think I am, nigga?

Fuck you, Lamar.

Nah, fuck you, F, nigga. I thought we was homies, nigga, but that's some shit that just got past you, my nigga.

You know what, dog? If something good comes up, I hit my dude, man. Chill out, all right?

Yeah, whatever, nigga. You just hit me when you find out what the true concept of friendship is, nigga. We came from the sandbox together.

I know that. I got you, dog. If good come up, I got you.

Yeah, whatever, nigga. I'm in the turf, nigga, if you remember where that is.

Oh, what's up, playa?

Hello, Franklin.

Man, I don't know y'all.

We done.

Hey, we ain't done yet, homie.

Not yet.

Nearly.

Man, what the fuck y'all want me to do? Kill the president? Fuck his wife or something? Or invade some fucking country?

No, no, something more sensible.

Something that's gotta be done.

Hey, When the timing's right, you're gonna take old Trevor and put him out to pasture.

Oh, me?

Michael will be sensible, but Trevor— Trevor won't be.

Trevor is a liability that none of us can afford.

Man, Trevor saved you. He saved both y'all asses.

And it's unfortunate.

Hey, when we give you the word, you're gonna do this thing.

Man, get Michael to do it. Me and Trevor cool, dawg.

Michael can't do it. Trevor won't let him near.

That's why it's up to you, homie.

Fuck!

Hey, who was that?

Nobody, don't worry about it, nigga.

Hey, flossing ass nigga!

You made it.

Good.

I saved you again, Davey.

Again.

So what are you gonna do for me about Haynes, the rest of the FIB, the IAA, and everyone else, huh?

History's written by the living, okay? We can pin most of it on Agent Sanchez. I get that story right and the agency and bureau will back off. The problem we need to deal with is Trevor.

Trevor?

Why?

Try Merriweather, Chinese gangsters, general insanity, and so on. I can spin Steve that you're controllable, but not Trevor. Steve, he's our wounded hero right now. I got to cozy up to him, calm him down.

Just get me out.

Hey, we still on for that manicure? Sorry.

Hey, you know, Ricky from Life Invader, bro, I know you'll find this hard to believe, but it's kind of difficult for someone with a middling GPA and bad references to get a job in this climate.

You gotta help me.

Hey, if there's something, I'll call you. That's all I can say. Good luck out there.

Oh, come on.

Welcome. Tell your friends where you got it. You won't find those anywhere else. Bye, enjoy your purchase. I can see you wearing that.

The producer does not drive himself to the premiere.

Come on, a limo, Jim.

Really?

The producer? Are you joking? Come on.

Vinewood Boulevard, the Oriental Theater.

Open that champagne, Jimbo. Woohoo!

Me and the big dog getting our drink on.

Hey, hey, where you going with that?

Woo!

My dad's a movie producer!

Jimmy, get back down here!

Which makes me a movie producer's kid!

Jimmy!

I'm gonna ride out the next 2 recessions without ever having to work! And I'm gonna get a sports car and a drug habit before appearing on reality rehab show! And then I'm gonna sell my story and become really judgmental! And I'm gonna use all the contacts I make in treatment programs to become a producer too! And I'm gonna make even shittier movies than my dad does. 'Cause I don't care about movies like him. For me, it's just an opportunity thing.

Woo!

Yeah!

You see the Strizz-Edge, losers?

Jizzle in the movie biz-ole!

Hear that, Vinewood? You hear that, Vinewood?

Hey, I hear it, and I don't like it.

We're going to the Oriental Theater on Vinewood Boulevard!

Get back down here!

And not to, like, gawk at celebrities from behind a barrier. We're actually, like, properly invited! V to the I to the P!

Jimmy!

Read my neck rolls! Entitled! E-N-T— uh, titled! Cuz I am, Jimmy. Oh, Pop, chill. I'm done spraying this shizzle. Let's take a drink.

Jimmy, shut up a second. Hey, Devin, look, I need to say about Molly, man, I'm sorry, but I didn't do it.

I told you to slow it down, slick.

It was an accident. I was there, but I had nothing to do with it.

Sure, yeah, hey, You made a fool out of me, Michael, and that is something I'm not gonna forget.

Look, Devin, I said I'm sorry. I feel bad for you, but you don't threaten me because this movie's happening, all right? So let's just calm down and try to be friends again.

Oh, absolutely, slick. Forgive and forget. Namaste.

Check it out, it's a premiere.

You know, I'm really proud of you, even though you did make a pretty shitty movie. Well, thank you, Jim.

Where are the girls?

Uh, they're at home.

You know, they'll express their pride by showing up really late.

Of course they will.

And have you ever, uh, thought maybe I You shouldn't shoot sex scenes in a green screen kind of environment. Yeah, yeah, the thought has crossed my mind, I suppose. Thanks, Antonio. Give me nice and tight. Now, Paige Laszlo on the red carpet of Meltdown. Some big stars, some beautiful dresses. We're going to see some side boob tonight. Come on.

We did it, Salomon!

We fucking did it! Fucking A! Fuck you, fate!

I may be a lecherous old has-been, but I'm a has-been with a premiere at the Oriental Theater on Vinewood Boulevard.

I'll see you in there, kid.

Hey, thanks.

Enjoy the picture, everyone. Mr. Richards! Mr. Richards, hi! If I could just bother you for a second, um, I'm Laszlo from Fame or Shame, um, but I do some acting on the side. I was wondering if, uh— Oh yeah, of course, you should come see me, kid. I think I got a project that would be perfect for you. Oh, that's fantastic! Stick. It's called the closet. Really modern stuff.

Pervert.

Come on.

No, no, no, no, no.

She's lying, okay?

I never had surgery. Come on. Milton, Milton, hi. Sorry to bother you.

Quick question.

Get in here tight. Um, love, love, loved the movie. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it. When, when you were that polar bear and you had to eat your baby, I mean, that was— all right, Jesus Christ, that was emotional. Can I just have a hug? That really affected All right, I gotta go. Thank you so much. Excuse me, excuse me. Come on, come on, let's get in there.

Ah, Laszlo!

Oh shit, come on, shit dick!

Where the hell is she?

Looks like she stood you up. Hey, hope I'm not too late. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Devin, the fuck are you doing here?

Hey, what a movie, huh? Meltdown. Congratulations, Mikey. We did it! Hey, let's get a picture, huh? You, me, the proud producer. Such a pleasure working with you. You see, I was here, unlike your wife. Seems to be stuck at home. You twisted fuck! You're a dead man!

Let's go, Jim.

Come on.

Hold on, where's Mom and Tracy?

The girls are in danger.

We gotta get to the house.

What happened?

I don't know.

This rich asshole is pissed off at me because I didn't shitcan the movie, and then his lawyer died, and he just told me he's gonna hurt your mom.

You killed his lawyer, and now he's gonna kill Mom and Tracy?

He ain't gonna do anything if I got a say in it.

But you fucking killed his lawyer.

No, I didn't. It was an accident.

I would never do anything to put you in danger.

Shit!

All right, okay. They'll be fine. They're tough. This is just a movie guy, right? He's not a gangster or anything.

No, he's not a gangster. He's just extremely rich. Says he's got all these connections. I'm sure it's just—

I'm sure it's just talk. Oh!

Come on, are we gonna go or what? Shit, what's that car?

All right, Jimmy, you got to hide. I'm going to find the girls.

Be careful, Dad.

Daddy's home, you asshole! You, you, I am seriously going to The fuck are you doing?

The fuck are you doing? I'm gonna pull through you! What happens in the Tracy? We gotta get in there, Michael! He's in there with our girl!

Mom!

Dad! Help! Help me, Daddy! Help me!

Stop it!

Get away from her!

Be quiet!

One of them's in with Tracy! We got to get in there, Michael! He's in there with our girl! Mom!

Dad!

Fucking animal! Do something! Okay, you stay here.

Keep Keep your heads down.

Be safe, baby.

Don't you worry about me.

Clear the house, all occupants!

I gotta reload. Fire in the hole!

Not yet.

Stay put.

Clear the building! No one leaves!

Neither do I.

Just keep calm. Who's got my back? I need cover. Look alive! I told you to fuck off! Holy cow!

Fine, Trace, just keep down, sweetie.

Wrap it, prick!

Yeah, that's it! That's that, motherfucker!

We got this, bro!

Let's take her! No one's going to kill you, Daddy's got you.

I need you to cover me, asshole! Stay, bro! What the fuck is this? Get down!

I'm going to bury you in this yard!

I'm empty!

You're on my property, asshole!

Grab that guy!

Holy—

Are you happy now? Keep me covered! Eat that! Get out of here!

Great! Amanda, I think they're gone. Don't come out here, it's kind of a mess.

Ah!

Got you, dick!

It'll be alright!

No, it's not. What was that?

Someone there?

I'm gonna start shooting.

Yeah, you like that, don't you, huh?

Take it all. Get the fuck off me!

I thought I was on that guy.

Oh, so you sit on his face?

It's called teabagging. I really fucked him up good though, huh?

All right, listen, I'm going to make a call. It's all going to be okay. Stay put.

They came to my house, Lester.

My house.

So I asked Amanda and the kids to move out for a few days.

I hate to say it, but Harry Weather isn't short on excuses to come and kill you, nor is Devon Weston.

I ain't looking for perspective, Lester. They came after my family.

All right, right. I don't know what to say. Does this change where you stand on the Union Depository?

Hell no.

We move on that right away before it gets any hotter.

That's smart. Meet me at the strip joint. I'll get word to Frank and Trevor.

All right.

Hola! Need to order more pre-cut 2x4s for my dojo.

Norman Degas. That's fascinating.

Wow, me!

Rice Almighty. How do you dance, my favorite man?

Where am I Michael, did you find them?

Who?

The person who sent the mercenary. To our house.

I'm working on it.

Are we safe? You said we would be safe.

He's not going to try that again. I'm on top of this, Amanda. Trust me.

Really?

You're sure?

I'm positive. Look, I love you, baby. I'm going to take care of this.

Hello there! Hey, what's going on?

Tracy?

Daddy, are you okay?

Yeah, sure, why not?

'Cause some guys came to our house with automatic weapons, maybe?

I'm dealing with that, honey, you don't need to worry.

Money doesn't matter when you're dead, Daddy.

My boy Mike, good to see you. I don't know if he's gay or not. I don't even know what month it is.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Oh, we were just talking about you.

Well, don't worry, another few hours, you never have to talk about me again.

You're the one who likes to talk. Watch your back, you two. That's all I'm saying.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Enough. Thank you.

Okay, uh, This is it. Well, we have two options. They're both a little, uh, out there, but they're gonna be what you expect. Okay, option one: we hijack their armored cars, we take the crews hostage, and we infiltrate the depository. Now once you're in there, you've got the score. We send in a team of modded cars, load out, you get out. We'll need to infiltrate the transportation grid, manipulate it to aid our escape. But option two: we cause a distraction out front, Make them think we're dumb.

Well, we've never had a problem convincing people of that, have we?

The other guys will be drilling, taking what they can. You're gonna be the distraction.

Always the attention seeker. You know, for a guy who's always stepping on his friends to get ahead, he has an unfortunately low sense of self-worth.

Okay, okay, let me show you the board. To recap, these are our options. We try to make them give us the gold, or we drill a big old hole in the side of the bank and we take it out. If you're drilling a big old hole, you'll need a big old drill, a tunnel bore machine. I'll locate it, but you have to steal it and store it near the bank. They're excavating a new part of the metro network around there, so that's where you'll go in. We'll need choppers for the getaway too. Trevor has one we can use. The other can be bought. The guys on the ground will need getaway cars, so get something fast and tough and then modify it as much as you can to increase your chances of getting away from the cops. It's going to be stored in a parking garage near the UD. There's going to be a lot of heat, so think about that. Um, I'm forgetting something. Uh, oh, that's it! We'll need a train to land the gold on and take it to the warehouse. You'll have to steal it. Again, I'll send you the details. Now, if you're interested in the more Subtle approach, hijacking the armored cars and so on, huh? You've got to get some police stingers. Only cops are licensed to have them, so that's a headache of its own. Oh, what else? Um, oh right, you'll need to get a hold of and mod some getaway cars. The normal suspension's gonna give out under a couple of tons of gold.

Whoa, man, a couple of tons?

4 tons in total. That's what I can get the system to divert into the cage we're hitting.

Fuck me.

Okay, okay, last night, you remember that underpass we saw from the helicopter? Now that's where I'll set up the smoke and mirrors to get the cops off your sense.

I've heard that before, Michael.

Subtle or obvious, what's it going to be?

We're all waiting. The suspense is killing me.

What's it gonna be? It ain't that comp—

Complicated.

Come on.

Jesus Christ, he's milking it. You want me to flip a coin? We're all waiting. The suspense is killing me.

What's it gonna be?

It ain't that complicated. Come on. Jesus Christ, he's milking it. You want me to flip a coin? We're all waiting. The suspense is killing me. What's it gonna be? It ain't that complicated. Come on.

Jesus Christ!

He's milking it.

You want me to flip a coin?

We're all waiting.

Oh, you want him to give you the medal? First gunman comes into the bank with you, it helps you.

Well, he's had my back on every job since I've Driver number 1. This girl, I'm not gonna pass her up.

Now, the hacker, they're good. We've been waiting our whole lives for this one. Are you sure you got this right? Okay, we need those Stingers and the modified getaway cars. I knew you'd like that.

Sounds kind of fruity if you ask me.

Nobody asked you. Look, this is our only hope. You control traffic in this town, you control the streets. I think it could work.

It will work as long as we're ready to move now. Come on, I'll take you to the equipment.

Fucking asshole.

All right, let's go.

It's just an online persona. It was satire or parody or something. I didn't mean it. Jim, you're taking me up Bannum Canyon in this charcoal-colored Land Stalker to punish me for trolling you? If only someone would save me.

Stall him, kid.

I'll be there soon.

You know, you really are funny and interesting guys. I mean, any attention is good attention, right?

Wow! You know how much this car costs? Bye! You were supposed to meet me at the— I know a great office spot that's a commissionable ship.

I've seen some bad drivers, but you—

you—

Hey, eyes front, okay? There's no reason at all to be suspicious of anyone behind us, and if there was, he would just be there to warn you. He would definitely not kill you. Definitely would not kill you. Shut up, troll!

You gave up your right to free speech when you insulted a celebrity on the internet.

It was a couple of comments, some colorful language.

It was harassment.

You're the comedy writer, deal with the heckle.

I blocked you, you started another account. I blocked you again, you started another. But what you didn't count on is me having the money and the resources to trace your IP.

I count on you having better things to do.

Well, I don't. I'm a lonely man, and social media is my life. It's given me the recognition I've been denied my whole life.

I can make snarky comments and glib pronouncements and lap up the adulation, banishing any form of dissent.

I'm a king, and Bleeder is my kingdom.

Okay, um, that's pretty sad.

Don't lose sleep over it. When I'm done, the only bleeding you'll be doing is actual, like, bleeding, cuz then you'll be in pain.

There they are! A fox!

That's got to be them!

Who is that animal?

That's my dad. Oh, he's gonna fuck you up properly.

Oh really?

How big's his herd, huh?

The size of your herd don't matter when you're a total badass psycho, you dick.

Daddy's boy.

Read the tattoo, kid.

What's it say?

Entitled. Because I am. Horrible little troll.

Dad! Dad!

You got my son in there!

Just give him a scare, Pop!

Hey, you got my son in that car!

Ah, who is that, Ariel?

You can have your idiot son. Just get over here, Papa.

Thank you.

Shit.

Fuck, man, do you think Do you think it's over?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's gone.

Are you sure? Because the dude holds like a grudge, and I'm like his nemesis.

I wouldn't go that far.

Look, he thought you were a fat little nobody. Now he thinks you're a fat little nobody with a badass for a dad. He'll stay away.

But, but I'm like his troll pop.

Get away from me!

Look the fuck out, bro!

Wait, we murdered someone!

Call me an idiot, but a troll? Tim, what's a troll?

Like a joker on the internet.

What sort of jokes?

Sort of mean jokes. Like what? Like someone posts something and you're all like, that sucks, you suck, dick.

Oh, so jokes that are are funny.

No, you don't get it. Humor comes with repetition. Like, you say it once, big deal. Then you say it again and again and again and again.

Okay.

Like the other day, he posts this picture of his newborn, and I'm all like, damn, son, that right there is one ugly-ass motherfucker of a baby. And I'm all like, my balls is pretty 'than that baby.' And then I sent him a picture of my balls. 'I seen roadkill prettier than that baby. What the hell is wrong with your baby?' And he's all like, 'Actually, there's a problem with its chromosomes or something, and it's actually a miracle it survived birth.' And I'm all like, 'It's actually a miracle I survived seeing a picture of its ugly—' Enough!

All right, enough. I get it.

Maybe that one was a little OTT, but It's generally really good times.

Yeah, good times, great times, the fucking fun you have.

I'm kind of shaken up, Dad. Could you drive like a sane person? Your bleep about the movie was hilarious. This driving is making me wish I was still kidnapped.

I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't know it was you. Yo, what's up, man?

You're kidding! The troll is back in his lair. Now stay off the internet for a while and don't wind people up so much.

I learnt my lesson, Dad. I did.

Yeah, sure.

And I'm a tax accountant.

Hey, holla at me, y'all. Peace.

Oh, I find the deer that pissed on me, I'm gonna eat its warm liver.

Patricia! Trevor!

Oh, it's good to speak to you.

My thoughts are with you.

You see, uh, Martin, is he treating you well? If you ever—

You're a sweet boy, Trevor. A sweet man. Patricia, I really miss you. I have to go. Can I get a cab ASAP?

On its way, sir. Thanks for calling. Wonderful. Hey, my man, where you going? Grape Seed? Sure thing, man.

All right, brother, here we are. Is it just me, or do you look like real funny? Oh. There's like lots of stuff everywhere.

Asta! Just stay away from me, you hater! Believe it or not, I need a cab. Stay where you are, I got a driver right around the corner. That'll work. I'm afraid. Key. Ain't no way you could have beat me. You're a pussy. I know. Where can I take you? Rancho. Sorry, man.