How to sneak in lady Hellbenders Throne room Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
The transcript is a fan‑created, dialogue‑heavy role‑play that follows the Guardians of the Galaxy as they attempt to infiltrate Lady Hellbender’s throne room to rescue Groot. Rocket Raccoon leads a covert approach using a custom tracker, while Peter Quill, Gamora, Drax, and Groot coordinate hack attempts on the fortress’s control panels. The team’s banter is laced with profanity, jokes about past Ravager experiences, and meta‑comments about their own incompetence. After a series of technical glitches—tracker loss, wiring puzzles, and mis‑wired panels—they finally confront Lady Hellbender and a horde of monster‑like guards. A chaotic battle ensues, with each Guardian shouting commands, swapping weapons, and delivering over‑the‑top insults. The fight ends with the Guardians barely escaping, but Lady Hellbender vows continued vengeance, leaving the narrative open‑ended. Throughout, the script repeats many lines for dramatic effect and includes occasional meta‑references to the creator, Ariel Junior Almonte.
Chapters
Fuck to the lady. She knows how to throw a party.
It was like this with the Ravagers too. Yondu was a real work hard, play hard sort.
Thanos doing either usually ended up with murder.
We comparing scuddy father figures? Because mine gave me a shock collar for my birthday.
Once we ditch this place, I will show you guys a real party.
I will construct festive headwear worthy of this celebration.
I thought about signing up with the Ravagers for a bit.
What happened?
It was a phase. I got over it.
Maybe you and Quill would have been bunk buddies.
Very over it.
Hey, crap!
Fuck!
They're here for the tree. I thought you made it help them die.
Well, Gotta hand it to the lady. She knows how to throw a party.
It was like this with the Ravagers too. Yondu was a real work hard, play hard sort.
Thanos doing either usually ended up with murder.
We comparing scuddy father figures? Because mine gave me a shock collar for my birthday.
Once we ditch this place, I'll show you guys a real party. Party.
I will construct festive headwear worthy of this celebration.
Throne room entrance is down there, so we just got to, you know, leap our way across the chasm quietly.
Got to say, this is not what I had in mind when you pitched this whole hero-for-hire thing.
Maybe Hellbender will give you a job.
I'm not the one she was interested in.
She's right.
We should have just sold Drax.
That's not what I said.
Maybe Next time we're in a bind, we can auction off a date with Drax.
Catafians do not date. Perform feats of virility, and are judged worthy.
Oh, is that how you ended up with your wife?
Drax was the most proficient killer in our village. Her affections were sought after more than most.
Sounds like my kind of woman.
That's it. Dead ahead. Past another bunch of lightweights.
You're sure that tracker of yours—
Crap!
Flark!
They're here for the tree. First Lady Albendar.
Well?
That's it, dead ahead. Past another bunch of lightweights.
You're sure that tracker of yours is reliable?
Trust me, this baby's paid for itself.
Oh, you actually paid for it?
Not in love with the whole track and groove thing, if I'm honest.
What's the big deal? I got tabs on a lot of you.
I think not.
Think again, lady.
You're right.
67 clicks away. Is that the Milano?
You're lucky I didn't shove it up—
No stalking teammates without their consent. Do your magic, Rocket.
It is not magic.
Just saying. Have a little faith, Woberry. My tech built them thumpers. It's gonna pop this door and it'll find Groot. Am I good or am I good?
Those were the same options.
Okay, tracker says—
ah, come on, you skanky!
I knew that thing was junk.
We saw him take Groot down the elevator, right? We just got to find the controls.
Lady Latida's probably got them on her fancy chair up there.
We are down here.
Hellbender used some sort of rising stairs. There's got to be a way of activating them from ground level.
Drax, think you could lift this thing easily?
But what do you want me to do with it?
Still working on that.
We can't find a switch. Maybe we can get access to the circuitry itself.
You got this.
Certainly.
Where shall I move it?
Can't you just do that flippy thing and get up there, Gamora? Give her the old laser eyes, Quill. See if you can spot a power source or something. Of course she can't just have a normal freaking ground-level chair.
It's intended to inspire fear in her adversaries.
It's a crime of efficiency is what it is.
Doesn't look too comfortable either.
Come on, buddy, do something.
What's wrong?
Nothing, it's just, uh, the Groot ain't moving or nothing.
Perhaps he is asleep.
He's probably just in a cage.
Just in a cage? Quill, you better be making some progress.
The Cygnafian night air is refreshing.
Maybe there's a control panel inside there you can hack.
It's possible.
All right, Drax, try to clear that rubble.
What?
See what's hiding back there. Think you could have made more noise with that?
Of course, but you did not ask.
All right, I'm sending the schematic to your visor. Just follow the wiring and tell me which junctions to switch.
Uh, here.
Done.
Cool, it changed. Whoops, we set in our soothing sounds in volume 2.
Believe those are monster mating calls.
Okay, that's a little freaky.
What's it like in there, Rocket?
Cramped.
Switch this.
Done.
Okay, this one goes here and that one goes out.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, you just focus on them junction points.
This one.
Oh, here.
Yep.
Okay, here.
This thing is a mess. There's wires everywhere.
And here.
Got it.
Switch this.
Done.
Oh, what are they doing trying to run this much current through one capacitor?
This one. Oh, here.
Yep. Okay, close it, close it, close it! Close! What?
We've got company!
Is killing permitted now, Peter Quill?
Yes, now! Kill them now! My bloodlust is sated for the present. This one has become monster food.
Well, that was not ideal.
Hey, no witnesses, no problem.
Maybe Hellbender won't miss them.
I think he just triggered Lady H's mood lighting.
Nonsense. Mood is measured by the intensity of the storms outside.
Well, maybe stop making me power the wrong things.
You sure that tracker is fixed?
Switch this.
Done.
This one.
What the flark was that?
Uh, just a little slip, no big deal.
For all we know, you may have just reconfigured the entire fortress.
Nah, probably just lowered the height a bit or something. Okay, here. There, keep it like that. I can get up to the throne now.
You better hope that panel actually works, because I'm out of things to tinker with down here.
Of course it'll work.
See, nailed it.
That is the wrong element.
He's right, Groot went down on the other Well, it's the only one we got, sweetheart.
Call me sweetheart again.
Look, I'm sure they both lead to the same place.
Your voice does not convey certainty.
I'm mostly sure.
I knew you'd just look at these goons.
They couldn't handle their drink.
I'm not sure you should talk.
Why not?
Because I can drink more than your entire body weight.
So can I.
This is it, we're almost there.
I gotta say, this is going pretty smooth.
It has been considerably less than smooth.
Okay, yeah, we had that one kink, but at least no one raised the alarm.
That's what you call a kink?
It'll be smooth sailing from here.
What the piece of scut?
Right on cue.
It's not that. Something's wrong.
Heads up, more guards.
I'll give a wide berth, Peter Quill.
Come on, you hunk of junk. Anyone else got a bad feeling all of a sudden?
Rocket, keep it down.
Stuff it, Quill. Groot's tracker just went dark.
You said we're almost there. I'm sure he's fine.
You ain't sure as scum, bro.
That could have gone better.
Could have gone worse.
At least he didn't wake anyone on his way.
The rodent has tiny padded feet.
Rodent is more irritable than usual.
He didn't want us to sell Groot.
Or did I treat us as inferior?
We got paid, didn't we?
Now just a matter of us all getting out of here in one piece.
Crap! Fuck!
They're here for the tree. Allow us, lady, how they die.
Quill! Flark!
Shh!
Anyone else got a bad feeling all of a sudden?
Rocket, keep it down.
Stuff it, Quill. Groot's tracker just went dark.
You said we're almost there. I'm sure he's fine.
Is it possible that Brogan would leave without us after freeing the tree?
No, he wouldn't.
Crap!
Clark!
They're here for the tree. I like Lady Albendar.
Well—
Anyone else got a bad feeling all of a sudden?
Rocket, keep it down.
Stop it, bro. Groot's tracker just went dark.
You said we're almost there. I'm sure he's fine.
That could have gone better.
Could have gone worse. At least he didn't wake anyone on his way.
The rodent has tiny padded feet.
Imagine the headache these guys will have when they wake up.
Let's just make sure we're not here when that happens.
Rocket, wait for us.
Not wait.
Thanks, Drax. What's with this place and no railings? Looks like they got the architect from the Death Star.
I am not familiar with that installation.
We should probably split up.
Rocky, we found him! Over here! Groot, easy there, bud. I'll get you out in a flash.
Whoa, hey, let's not turn him into kindling.
Stand back, I will breach the perimeter.
It's too thick.
It's too thick.
Who knew?
That's it, just like the Arago drop, bud.
On 3, 2—
That dashed witch stripped you down to your bark. You know, we'd have showed up sooner, but I quit hoping there was—
Good to have you back, Groot. Now all we need is an exit. Uh, I guess Groot knows the way. Hey, wait up, bud.
What's going on? Say something.
You okay, Groot?
Shut it, Quill.
What did I do?
You're the one who insisted on this stupid planet.
Now that freaking monster queen is—
I don't know, perhaps the tree has been bewitched.
She did do something to that Tarakara.
So no one's going to talk about the fact that he's walking around naked?
Come on, talk to me, bud.
What did that Bedouin flarker do to you?
Oh, crap.
Guardians of the Galaxy. You fools thought you could cheat me and suffer no consequence.
Groot.
I am Groot.
Which one of you thought it wise to entrust your absurd scheme to a Flora Colossus? You call him friend, yet you ignore his very nature, overlooking the fact that he is the worst liar in history.
I told you he can't just pretend to be monstrous.
To his credit, he kept your secret for almost an hour.
Lady Hellbender, let us settle this honorably.
I will face you.
Combat honorably.
Your offer is worthless, Destroyer. There is no escaping my wrath.
I can work with that.
Dweller, feast upon them!
Okay, that's a true monster.
Well, let's make it truly dead.
We will need to fell this foe one appendage at a time. Come on, let's talk about this! Screw talking, keep shooting! Listen, Rocky, the Beast told us, let us take the Avengers! Okay, so maybe this wasn't the best plan.
I don't think Nova Corps is getting paid.
Like a hot knife!
Zoella, you are wounded! Ice, ice, baby!
What?
Oh, that— this thing could do with a few less arms.
Surprise! Go get them!
This lady's got anger issues. You have no idea. I am trying to fly!
You must be no—
No, not again! Enough toying with them.
End this!
All right, crowd control!
Don't forget about the big one!
And beware the spine protrusions!
You don't have to tell me twice.
Don't feel bad for it, it's trying to kill us! Ready!
She's not going to let this one go.
Let her try and find us. We're about to have more problems.
Now attack!
Run them through!
Come on, you overgrown octopus! We're going to cut you into tiny pieces again.
How does it feel, Flor?
More board!
Swallow them, my pets! Destroy them!
Indeed, will do!
My vengeance shall be brutal!
I've knifed the demon!
Death has come!
Now, well now!
Cut them open! Enough with the jelly! Break its bones! You owe me one, Quill! Not going into the light this time, little buddy. Guys, huddle up!
It's barking crazy out there, Quill. Dastan scum nuts soak up bullets like you wouldn't believe.
And return every beating I deliver with equal force.
We're gonna be in real trouble if we don't stop him.
You think we're in trouble from these guys? Well, I'd say trouble is our middle name. We're slicing scuds with a knife or a blade, and we're shooting fast and groups making shade.
That's what I call trouble. Who's with me?
Hey, Ariel Junior Almonte!
Feeling one less jelly to annoy us. Been too long since I blew something up. He's falling back, get ready!
Come on, just give me a shot!
You do not possess a firearm.
Rock band!
Hold up, Rocket!
Past time someone got stabbed!
Peter Quill, unleash me on these fools!
Go get them!
Rex, don't plop! I see that door! Come on, you overgrown octopus! The creature does not have 8 limbs!
Watch your butt!
Curse you! You don't know who you're messing with, lady.
Let's not celebrate just yet. She's not going to let this one go because it would be dishonorable to forgive such a fright. Slice and dice!
Any last words?
I commend your effort, Lady Hellbender.
Your word.
It recoils in fear.
Now attack!
Rocket fire! Come on, you overgrown arctic rust!
Just give me an opening!
Watch out for more skeletons!
They are a secondary concern. Um, how many times have I saved your butt now? I thought I was a goner, man. What is next, Peter Quill?
What's next, Peter? You don't stand a chance.
Fight for me! The beast must feed on these monstrous creatures. That's little comfort, Drax. Okay, I get it. Next time you're on your own. Having some difficulty, buddy? Right with you, big guy.
I can't do it, Peter.
Looks like even she's got her limits.
Swarm them, my pets.
Dig deep, Jiggle Cube. You got it. Easily.
Thanks, Peter.
Resume at full force.
Destroy them, my pets! This has got my name on it!
Save your nice words for later, bro. I am trying to destroy! The creature mocks us with its regenerative jiggling.
I don't think the goo matters, it's the spikes inside.
I can always count on you, Gamora.
Blow the wave rocket! Don't feel bad, Groot.
It's trying to kill us.
Get the point? Face me!
Come on, you overgrown octopus! The creature does not have 8 limbs. Wrap them up, bud!
Hard!
Rocket, safety's off! All right, we're making progress! I'm almost starting to enjoy this! We must destroy the core! Enough with the jelly! Break its bones! I commend your effort, Lady Hellbender.
She's still hiding behind someone else.
Like we don't have enough problems already. Our problems are sufficiently engaging.
No way!
Let's do this.
Don't get used to this. Ariel's scythe regenerates.
I got you, Drax. Hey, Quill, want to see some fireworks?
I've got pilot noise in.
I shall break their powers.
Rocket, go wild! Hey, stop! Don't feel bad.
It's trying to kill us! The beast must feed upon these gelatinous creatures. That's little—
My brother!
What have they done to you? This ends now! Rain fire upon them!
Those things are hot and heavy.
Get it?
No, they could be useful.
Useful if you want to get burned. My great strength goes underutilized.
Past time someone got stabbed.
Ready. Slash of Gamora.
I'm on it.
How many lives has this thing got?
We'll know soon enough. That car is going to blow.
Your own weapon shall be your downfall.
As long as we don't miss.
Coming, coming!
What?
Those things run hot! Things are heating up! Get in!
At last, I can close one eye!
Whoa, don't get your branches blown off! My blows bounce off the jelly. Enough with the jelly, break it low!
All right, last leg!
Rally my dwellers, destroy them!
Guys, we did it!
They live! Bring me Nasha!
Everybody Grab a bike!
Oh man, I'm one piece!
We still need to get out of here and fast.
Everybody strap in!
Now that was a ride.
This is no time to celebrate.
We have made an awful mistake and an awful amount of cash.
There is no escaping Lady Hellbender's wrath.
We'll see about that.
What the—
Guys, hold on!
Your bones are mine, Guardians of the Galaxy.
She will hunt us to the end of the universe.
Who gives a scut?
We got off that mud ball with the money, didn't we?
Only after the talking tree betrayed us.
I am Groot.
I do not speak tree.
Tree.
Hey, you got a problem with Groot, you got a problem with me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. One problem at a time.
Lady Hellbender will seek her revenge.
Mark my words.
Then she'll have to get in line. First, I gotta call Carell.
The sooner we get this fine paid, the better.
Yeah, so we can go back to focusing on being broke.
That's weird. It's money all that you think of, rodent.
No, I also think about bombs and booze. Bombs made out of booze?
Nikki.
I'm really—
There's something wrong with the connection.
Did you twist the thingy?
Yeah, no dice. Nikki, is your mom around? I really need to talk to her.
She's with me inside me.
After you left, we went into the quarantine zone. I saw the board, and there was a thick fog. Did you try narrowing the band?
First thing I tried. It's got to be something else. I'm losing you, Nick. Can you put your mom on?
I knew you were a threat.
I think something has happened to the girl.
Yeah, it's called she's Nova Corps.
Can you fix it?
Yeah, yeah, keep your star pants on. I'll go check the array.
Fuck it!
Look at what it did! It killed everything, the scut!
Rocket, relax. It's just an array.
Just an array?
Look at it, Quill.
Where am I gonna get the parts to fix that?
It's flarked.
I told you it was a mistake to keep that thing, but did you listen to me?
Oh no, no, no, we don't listen to Rocket.
He just has to fix the freaking ship.
I promise We'll get it fixed soon.
Yeah, just like you promised to get your girlfriend to go easy on us. Yeah, okay.
Hey, that's not fair.
You know what isn't fair, Quill? Being the only one who actually seems to give a scut about the Milano. Look, guys, we need Doc to fix the array. Luckily, I know a guy on Nowhere has got the parts we need, and he can get rid of that Nova Tracker cheap.
We cannot abandon the child. The behavior was erratic.
The llama thing you chewed the wires, Drax, is probably just a bad connection. And if we remove the tracker, Carell will make sure the entire Nova Corps fleet is on alert for us.
Gamora's right. We made a promise. I made a promise. See if you can pinpoint where Carell is. We pay the fine.
Quill, are you freaking kidding me?
That way we don't have to keep looking over our shoulders for Nova on the next job.
There is an extra one.
Sounds like Groot's got that toothy bastard under control.
Better not
