#318: Working With Your Spouse

Hey, welcome back. It's episode number 318, and this week I've been telling you guys, this episode's coming for a while. We finally did it. This week is the episode with my husband, Eric Alderson. We may or may not have had a beer and just talked about what it's like to work with one another. This week, you are going to want to pull your spouse or significant other into the podcast and maybe if you have kids, avoid this episode because we did have some pretty frank conversations about married life. Guys, I hope you love this episode as much as I did. It was a real treat to bring it to you, and I promise we'll be following up with a quick Instagram Live later this week if you guys have more questions. So, as always, take a listen, let me know what you're doing, and send me a message over on Instagram @ajalderson. I can't wait to hear your feedback and take more questions. We'll talk to you guys soon. Enjoy the episode. Let's talk about your business strategy and the juicy details of what actually works from mainstream fashion to to fashion on Main street and the entire ecosystem behind it. How do we scale your company and do it with the balance and the happiness that we all seek? Let's hear from those insiders, experts, and strategists that actually make it happen. I'm your host, Ashley Alderson from the Boutique Hub, and I can't wait to chat. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. This week I have a very special guest.

Super special guest.

I tell everyone they're a very special guest. I can't even put you in that category. What do we. We have a mediocre guest today.

Oh, come on.

That happens to be my husband, Eric. Welcome, Eric.

Thank you. Welcome to you. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that on a podcast, but anyway, go ahead.

We have been promising this episode for a long time, and every time it comes up on our calend, we somehow find something else to do instead.

Yeah, it's been. It's been an easy thing to avoid. And for any of you that were, like, around the boutique up in the early days, you may have seen a Facebook live that we attempted that just failed tragically. It was all because of me. And it was like, Ashley has been doing these things just, like, day in and day out, and she's getting good at just knocking them out left and right. And then she invites me onto one for something, and I can't even remember what it was, but it was something that I knew something about, but I still got on there. And I was like Will Ferrell on Anchorman, where he doesn't know what to do with his.

No, it's Ricky Bobby.

Ricky Bobby. I just froze. It was just so painful. And then. So I go outside. Like, I can. Like, I just cannot live with myself after this presentation. So I'm like, I. I just have to go outside and, like, I started a tractor, a chainsaw or something. I was just gonna go do some physical labor, and I'm just, like, stupid over this thing. But I was so green to social media and, like, this whole thing, I had no idea how all this work. And I come back in at the end of the night after all this stewing and stress. I'm telling Ashley, like, I'm like, oh, gosh. I'm just like, I just can't believe how this whole thing went down. And she goes, well, do you just want me to delete it? I was like, you can do that. I mean, here I was, like, four hours. Like, all these people had probably seen it, and I don't know, it got like a View and a half or something, probably. It didn't go anywhere, but. Oh, my goodness sake. So ever since that whole episode, I have avoided the, you know, I'll say, like, the front end of the company as much as I possibly can. You should be Ron Burgundy here. I am now trying to redeem myself. Like, we've only been in it now for, like, seven years, and I'm coming back for round two.

But anyway, just when I think you couldn't get any smarter. No, okay. We would quote movies, this entire podcast, I. You know what? I look back upon that time of our lives, and it was kind of a turning point, because I think, had you just started working for the Hub at that point, maybe part time, I think, because you had six months where you still work for your old company and then you work for the Hub, and we were still trying to figure out your role. And initially we were like, oh, Eric's been in sales for so long, and you're kind of a, like, you geek out about personality profiles and how to, like, high level sell to certain, you know, personality types. Again, probably something we were trying to accomplish on the live that day. And we were thinking, oh, Eric could have, like, a public face of the Hub.

Yeah, yeah. And it just was. And the thing of it is, it just wasn't. It just wasn't the right place for me. And in hindsight, now, it seems so obvious, but at the time, like, we were grasping at straws to try to serve this community so hard that it was like any. Anything that we could find value in. We were like, let's try to package this up and, and deliver it to our audience. And so it was like, you had a good message. The intention, the intent was good.

Yeah.

But it was just like, I had this background in, like, this. It was industrial sales. So it was like this very masculine, industrial, like, B2B type sales environment, and it just didn't really fit here.

Yeah.

So at any rate, I mean, the past is the past, but I'm glad to be back seven years later.

Welcome back to your second public appearance at the Boutique Hub. So I feel like we get asked that question a lot, honestly, about when someone is interested in their spouse coming to work with them in a boutique. So you're taking like a masculine into a very feminine role. I think that's probably the most commonly asked question is how did you both find your roles? Because it didn't happen automatically for us. And I think in hindsight that's probably something we would learn from, is before we made the transition, we would have thought more about what's your skill set, what's mine, and how do they complement each other. And I mean, yeah, in a perfect world, we would have had it figured out, but I don't know that you could, like, it kind of had to be trial and error to get to that point, don't you think?

Yeah. And, you know, so much of this about. Is about the journey, so, I mean, it's like, gosh, if you had all the answers up front, you know, it would be just much easier. But, you know, you may not be as fruitful either. So I. But I think there's like, like you said, in hindsight, it seems so obvious where I fit in and where you fit in. But as you're sort of like building the plane as you fly, like, we're still trying to figure out, like, who's the pilot and who's the co pilot and who's the stewardess. You know, I mean, it's like, yeah, you just, you're just doing anything you can to fill these different roles, different needs that you can see inside the business. But sometimes it's just, you know, in hindsight I, you know, I wasn't the right fit for some of these things. And it all worked out great the way that it did, but we were eventually able to sort of sort that out.

Yeah.

And I think some of that has to do too, with, like, I Know, in my own experience anyway, just figuring out like, you know, this is gonna make me sound like a total like self centered person. But. Yeah, but I'm just gonna say it. I mean, so, you know, I think the thing that has like the thing that really helped me to sort of come to terms with where I fit in this whole thing, I kind of came like I realized at some point, I can't even remember was two or three years into the business, might even been earlier. I think it was probably earlier that I sort of had this thought, but it was just like, you know what? Rather than, Gosh, I don't even know how to say this, but it was like, if we take this risk together and we sort of walk this path as a couple to try to build this business and serve this community and it doesn't work. Like, I finally came to terms with the fact that if it did not work, the absolute worst case scenario was that we would serve some great people along the way and that at the end of our lives, like at our dying days, you would know that you would have somebody that would stand beside you come hell or high water. And it was like in like then at that point, like it kind of, it dawned on me that like, you know, the notoriety or anything else that might come from being the face of the company, like that stuff just, I just was totally comfortable like not being in those roles because I knew the win for us and that's like worst case scenario. Best case scenario is you build this thriving business that serves all kinds of people for a great length of time and you leave it's, you know, real positive legacy behind and you still get those same relationship type commitments from each other in the end as well. So yeah, I think just. And the point to this whole thing is, I think just like understanding what personally motivated me really helped me come to terms with where I fit into the company. So I was no longer motivated by being out front and really I was never meant to be there anyway. And I know that now, you know, because I can work on these projects sort of in the, in the background that I know are super impactful.

Yeah.

For our business. But they'll never see the light of day other than me and the other staff members that are team members that are working on them.

Yeah, there's so many directions I could take this because I mean, really your role right now is to fix all the crap that's broken. Like, you came in from corporate America and you're like, well, you don't have a system or process for this. And we're like, no, we're building the plane as we fly it. And so you filled a lot of holes that are pretty amazing, which we can talk more about in a minute. But I'm dying to ask you this question based on what you just said, because I think this is probably for a man that's listening and considering joining his wife in whatever their family business is. The question really is when people say, what's it like to work for your wife? Because that's how people frame it. And it's bull crap, and we know that, but you're speaking right into that hand. What does that mean to you?

Gosh, I don't. I don't even know how to respond to that, because honestly, if I.

You've gotten it several times, that question.

And I feel like I do get it from time to time, and my.

In.

My buddies will kind of give me hell about it, and. And that's all good fun, you know, Like, I could. I can handle that, but I just don't know that it really bothers me anymore. Like, I've just, you know, the people that. There's some people that say it, I don't know, maybe just out of. Out of ignorance and don't really, you know, give any kind of consideration to, you know, how that might be taken, which, whatever. I mean, but you're a big kid. Yeah. So there's. There's like, that scenario, and then there's some people that, I don't know, maybe simply just don't know. Whatever. I just doesn't really bother me anymore. I mean, I don't know what else to say. I wish I had some great answer other than, like, I know where I fit in there. And maybe it has everything to do with the fact that I know you don't look at it that way. I know that, like, when I come home to my wife, I know that she's not, like, when we leave the office, our relationship, our marriage is not, you know, the same dynamic doesn't exist in the marriage as it does in the business and in all, like, facets of life. I mean, there's, you know, so maybe it's just me understanding that the one person that matters doesn't see it that way.

Yeah.

In the heck with the rest of them.

I appreciate that. And I. Yeah, I think you're right. Like, it doesn't matter. That's hard to see over time. Like, it is a bit of a stigma. We didn't come from families that saw it that way. No, we came from A long line of the women will cook in the kitchen.

I don't know if it was like.

Maybe not that much, but.

But that is. I mean, it is certainly. I would say that this is certainly different.

It is different than what?

Than what? Like my dad and my granddad and all, you know, the men that were before me.

Your mom's a. She's pretty kick ass, though. Like, your mom's always had a career. But you're right, it just is different and it's a different time.

It's cultural thing, too.

Yeah.

Inside of our country. So, I mean, you know, it's way more accepted to operate this way now.

Yeah. Can we talk about this, though? So you said you don't see it that way, because, you know, I don't see it that way. So I feel like sometimes I get asked the question, you know, if you don't agree on something, who decides? As if, like, I have the final say or because I'm the public face, like, my opinion goes, but I don't see it that way. And I don't know. I don't really remember a time where there was a business decision that we didn't agree on. Like, we found a way to come to an understanding and there wasn't a, well, it's Eric's way, or it's, well, it's Ashley's way. Like, there was always our way and we were always able to talk things out. But I think maybe working together and having a good relationship inside the company, it has to stem on having a good relationship outside of the company first. Would you agree with, like, you have to have a foundation in your marriage and like a. I don't know, you have to agree upon your mutual respect and what your values are, and then that carries into your working relationship. What do you think?

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I. These are things like, my gosh, I hope the people that are listening here realize that, like, we. We have. We have learned the hard way on just about all of these things, and we certainly don't have it figured out yet. Like, we'd love to tell you what has worked, but there's, gosh, there's things all the time that, like, we come up against that, you know, it's not all roses, but I. But I mean, it just. I. And I. I want to. I say that to sort of preface this because I don't want to sound like it's all roses, but I. I don't feel like we really come across those types of decisions. I think, you know, where we can't agree. I think some of it has to do with. We are in such separate. We're like on polar opposite ends of the company. Like, you're the sort of, you know, like the public figure of the business and you do. And I. Gosh, I mean, so you do that side of the business really well and I can take care of the, the other side of things and.

Talk about what you do. So everyone knows, like, what is your role.

So, I mean, gosh, I don't even. Like, just what I worked on today was our budget, our forecasting. So these are like all things financial we're going to, you know, like, what resources can I bring in from outside the companies to really kind of support me in figuring out where we want to be in a year and how we're going to get there? So I'm like reaching out for, for help on some of these things. But a lot of management. Yeah, a lot of things financial. And then we've, you know, sort of outside of the hub, we've kind of branched into some real estate stuff. We've got, you know, some, some. Some rental property and we've invested in some spec homes and we've got some vacant land purchases. We actually just closed a vacant land purchase this morning. And I feel like a lot of the principles that have made. So that's a whole separate business, but a lot of the principles that have made that business successful is, you know, these are things that came from the book Rich Dad, Poor dad, if you've ever heard of it.

I mean, oh my gosh, it should be required reading in school. I firmly believe that.

So awesome book. And it basically it talks about how to get one asset to pay for another. So it's kind of like in our particular case, it's the rental property paying for the spec home investment which pays for the vacant land purchase. And over a great deal of time, you end up with a big equity gain because not only are you investing in these things, but you're riding that market up and different things like that. I can work on all of these things that are really either separate from the hub or supportive roles for the people that are the face of the company to help them, you know, to help the company continue to function and team.

All the teams.

Yeah, all the team stuff, you know. But it's, but it's. My point to this whole thing is that it's far enough removed from what Ashley's doing that I don't feel like there's a lot of decisions where both of us need to really come together on things. There are things I would say, like, the most recent thing I can think of is. Is particularly like, decisions to hire certain team members. Like, it sometimes, if. If Ashley has a need to hire somebody on the team that is really in her sort of department or whatever. You know, if I say. I mean, gosh, if. If I were to disagree, I don't even know that we've had disagreements on this, but I just feel like there's certain things we've had different opinions around team spending money, like investing in teams and things like investing in that team and feeling, you know, doing things like that. I feel like a lot of that stuff. I just feel like you got to pick your battles.

Like, you know, we probably disagree more outside of the hub than we do inside of the hub.

So, yeah, I would agree.

Again, let's go. Let's just be real honest with people, because no one has a perfect life, but we fight plenty outside of the hub. And I think if I'm looking back on, like, the last several fights we've had and why we've had them, I'll just take ownership for what I think my role in that is, and that is that we're at this point where we've got three kids, we're super busy with them. We've got this growing business and team and demand. And there's times where I feel like I put the business in front of you or our marriage, and, like, I have to do a better job of making sure when we're together, we're together as a couple, and we're not together as the people that work together or the hub or anything else. And if. If nothing else, at the end of the day, like, the marriage has to be first.

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. I mean, there. You know, any married couple will tell you.

Yeah.

That it's difficult at times. And, you know, when you're building a business and you're trying to figure all these things out and just simple stuff like, you know, the things that you need to make the business function, all that, you know, the budgets, the forecast, the employee handbooks, the, you know, all the things that you have to have in place. And there's just all this work that goes into just like building this plane, and then you get done with that at the end of the day, and you got to, you know, and then. And then we'll get together and we've got to make decisions about our family and things that we're going to invest personal money into or however we're going to do it. And you're just. I think sometimes you're just like, you only have an. In my case, I'll speak for myself. I only have enough mental energy to make so many decisions per day. And then it's like you get to the end of the day.

Yeah.

And you're just like, I just don't want to make another damn decision. And it just. I don't know, you just wore out.

I totally.

And then what ends up happening is where I'm headed with this whole thing is I'm guilty. This. Where I'll give the worst of myself to my spouse and my. My kids at the end of the day because I've given so much to the business for the previous eight hours before this.

Yeah.

You know, yeah. There's fault in that. There's no doubt about it. But I can kind of understand it because that's where you start your day. You know, you start your day working on business stuff. And you, and you. And you end at 5 o' clock and. And then at 5 o'. Clock. From then on, you use whatever you have left for gas to serve your family. And sometimes there's just not a lot left. And sometimes you just got to give each other some grace and just be like, look, I. I recognize that you're busting your ass, and it is what it is, you know?

Yeah.

Pick your battles.

So moral of the story is, if you're listening and you're working with your spouse, expect that shit is going to happen. I mean, there's gonna be times where it's rough and you still have to show up for your team in team meetings, even if you haven't spoken to each other in three days, which I'm not saying that we've ever done that.

We did.

Not too long ago. I'm being sarcastic. It wasn't that long ago. I know, I remember. But you still have to show up. And, I mean, I feel like we still have a certain amount of respect that you carry for one another even when times are really, really hard.

Yeah.

So can we talk about some ground rules that I think have been helpful? We work in separate offices. That's a huge blessing. Right?

You.

I mean, you're busy, I'm busy. We both are in meetings, whatever. But I feel like we do look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day. And one thing we have put in place that I think has been helpful is we'll either schedule lunch dates and you can't. Like, it's in our Google calendar. You can't schedule over it. So we'll have lunch dates together, and sometimes we talk about work, and sometimes we just avoid it. It's almost like we need a. We need like, mistletoe from four Christmases. We need like, a code word like mistletoe. Don't talk to me about work right now. And then at the end of the day, we're usually pretty good at like 5 or 5:30. It's kid time. And it's riding horses or going for walks or going to golf or whatever we go do. So boundaries have been super important. What else do you think has been super important?

Sex, if I'm honest. I mean, what. You know, I mean, and that's the thing. It's like every. Every guy out there that's listening to this would understand this. But it's just like. And that's not the only thing, obviously. But it just comes to my mind as, I don't know, funny or whatever. But, you know, obviously sex is a result of things going right to. It's not like, you know, a married couple is going to be, you know, eager to do that if everything else is not working right. But I don't know. I mean, I just think that that is. I think it's a cornerstone. It's a big deal.

I agree.

It's a big deal for a guy. I mean, I don't know what else to say about it other than it's important.

I agree. Actually, you and I were just talking about this recently. I was talking about this with some friends in the sense that, like, I think sometimes as women, we have the scapegoat where we try to avoid it. But I feel like it's cornerstone too. And you and I, I'll just say this very bluntly. Like, we have a very solid boundary around porn. Like, we have sex, we don't watch porn. We feel like when porn enters the conversation, then, like, it's just a gateway drug for, however, you know, many other things. And it contributes to human trafficking. Like, there's a number of reasons why not to do it, but it is such an easy thing for a man and a woman to latch onto if you aren't, like, intimate in your own relationship first.

Yeah. And I, you know, I don't know that it's ever really been a problem for us. It's never been in our house. You know, I shouldn't say never. It's been in our house, but it's never been, like, we've never owned it or whatever. But anyway, it doesn't really matter.

It hasn't been like it.

Yeah. The point I'm trying to make is that despite the fact that I don't think it's an addiction, I feel like. I feel like it's been. There's. I mean, I came across this video the other day that was. This guy was talking about it, and he was. He was saying that he was describing what it does to a man's brain and how damaging it is and all that stuff. And so, I don't know. I mean, I. I just think that some of these things in life that, I don't know, like, people struggle with. I feel like we, for whatever reason, been kind of spared with some of these things. Not totally, but. I don't know. I mean, I feel like we've been lucky to not fall into that trap, and it isn't by our own doing. I'll say. I mean, I just think, for whatever reason, we've been given some grace that just stay away from that kind of thing.

And there's this app. I'll just tell you this. And maybe there's apps for tracking sex. I don't know, but they're for women. Like, there's these period tracker apps, right, where you can also track how many times you had sex in a week. Maybe you should just have a challenge and see what your app says when your husband calls you a liar. Like, we haven't had sex in a month. And you're like, actually, we have three times this week. Download the app on your phone.

Yeah. And I realized, like, I. And I think most. I would say that most, almost all guys realize that sex is something that is gonna happen if the rest of the relationship is good. So I don't want. I don't want to cross. Like. Yeah, like, it's a expectation or a mandate. No, that's not it. I'm just saying that, like, your question in the beginning was, what are the things that make a relationship healthy? And I'm just saying it's one of them, you know?

Yeah, you. I mean, it's a need, but also, like, we have the emotional connection that makes it. Because men and women are so different and what you're looking for. And I feel like you emotionally provide me what I need in order to make that good. Why are we. This is the Boutique Chat podcast. Everybody welcome to Sex with Ashley and Eric. And you're welcome.

You're gonna need to edit.

I hope our children never listen to this podcast. Okay, let's go back, because I don't think we've talked about the beginning or how we came to this, um, and I feel like that is also a question I get a lot is if someone is a brand new boutique owner, brand new in business, and they have this dream, but it's not working. It's not working yet. That's how I'll say it. And they're like, my husband's mad at me because I'm spending all this money, I'm working so hard on this business, and I just can't get it to fly. And it's damaging our relationship. And we've been there. Yeah, that's how the hub started. Can we talk about that? Because that was like. Let me fast forward to the way beginning. So we were in North Dakota. You were in banking first. That's how we met. You met my dad with the gold tooth first. That's another story. Actually, can we tell the story about how we actually met at that wedding dance? It's my favorite story of all time.

Go ahead.

Okay.

It's about half truth, but go ahead.

It's totally true. So I go home to this wedding dance. Like, if you're from the Midwest, shout out. Because you know what it's like to go to a wedding dance. Like, everyone's invited to the party, they put it in the newspaper and everybody goes. So we go. And I had met Eric previously. He was my dad's banker and I'm a rancher's daughter. And there's like this thing, this stigma that, like, the rancher and the banker are always at odds. It's just like this mentality. And so Eric was my dad's banker. Anyway, we had met and we were mildly attracted to each other, maybe more than mildly. And we hadn't seen each other in a while. And in the meantime, I was going through chemo, which I'm not even sure. I guess you probably knew it at that point.

We had went on a date before you were, I think, even diagnosed at that point.

That's right. We met before. You met me when I had real hair. You met me when I had super long blonde hair. And then. So it had been a while. Well, then we saw each other at this wedding dance. And you are going to give me this pickup line. And I had just lost all my hair and I was wearing this wig. Her name was Brittany. She was the wild side of me. And Brittany had, like, black hair underneath and blonde hair on top, if you guys remember that trend. And I walk in and Eric's like, hey, I like what you've done with your hair. Don't think I Don't notice the details. And I was like, what? What a prick. He's making fun. He's making fun of my wig. And he, like, thought he was giving me this smooth pickup line. He's like, Rico Suave.

Ashley loves to think that I had looked completely past this wig, which maybe I did. I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

Was it the fact I didn't have eyebrows? Maybe.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Whatever. At any rate, whatever I said worked.

Oh, Lord, Lord. Anyway, yes. Okay. So we. Yes. Cancer story. You came. Yeah. Chemo. All the crazy things. And we dated through all that and then got married, and we left North Dakota eventually. So my dad was kind of our anchor. And when he passed away, we decided to just go on a crazy adventure. Is that I would describe it as that Eric was from Wisconsin, I was from North Dakota, and we had two little kids at the time that were born 16 months apart. And we were like, you know what? If there's ever a time to go, it's when they're little. And so Eric's company had offered him a job to switch divisions and move to Wisconsin, and we went for it. And I was in economic development at the time. I loved it. I loved it. I had my dream job at the time, and it was just time to go have an adventure. And so the hub was kind of an idea. Maybe you guys have heard the origin story of the hub. And so we went to Wisconsin, and really what happened was you had just got this bonus in the oil field, which you were working in the oil field. And we invested that into building a website and just starting this idea. But it was probably a solid two years of starting the hub, and it was the chicken and the egg, and it just didn't take off right away. And you carried the whole family. Like, you worked. And I worked on this dream, but it was tight. Like, do you remember the day that you came home from work? And I had sold, I think it was like, a jumper, like a baby jumper or a swing or something like that. And I was so happy when you came home. I was like, hey, I just sold this on Facebook for 50 bucks. Can you believe it?

Yeah.

And I could go buy groceries.

Yeah. I mean, gosh, it was. The first three years were, like, three years of famine. And, you know, and the thing of it is, like, this is easy to say in hindsight, but, like, that. That is a part of the journey. You're supposed to go through that. So if you're going through it right now, it's okay. Like that is the first thing gotta.

Be a part of it. Yeah.

You need to recognize that that is, that is supposed to happen. And it's all right if that does happen. But I can, I can remember driving, I was going to Red Wing, Minnesota to take care of a customer down there. And I can remember saying these. What, like, what I recall now as like prayers of desperation. And it was like, God, we've moved out. Here we are, I'm working like 14 hour days. We're spending money faster than we're making it. We're investing into this business, but it is not producing any kind of cash flow at this point. And it's actually. And it's taken. And it's taken all that we had in savings. And so things are really going south and I have nothing left to give. Yeah, you know, I need you to, I need you to get me out of this. And it was like, I mean, I've said a lot of different types of prayers in my life, but this was the only set of prayers that I ever really look back on and think, man, I was really desperate at that point in time. But. And it's like, and honestly, it was, you know, as I look back on, it was one of the most clear responses to a prayer that I had ever had. And it was, well, then just stay out of my way. And I can remember, you know, I actually have talked about this a lot, but it's like I just felt like I had this message from God just to stay out of his way and allow him and Ashley to start to build this business. And what he meant by that is I had this tendency to get involved and want to control the finances and what we were doing with all this money because there was just not much to go around. So I was squeezing every penny as tight as I possibly could, but actually needed to spend that money in order to build this business. But it was difficult to see that when you're, when you're under that kind of stress, it's tough to really understand what the full picture is. But so I get this. What I felt like was a really clear answer to my prayers to stay out of the way. And I made this commitment to do so. And then I get home, it was like a week later, and Ashley's like out in front of the house crying because she had spent the last $7,000 we had to hire this coach. And I was like, I just remember, stay out of my way. And I was like, all right, all right, well, whatever, whatever, you know, Ashley, whatever. However this works out, you know, it's. And that is where it kind of dawned on me too, that there was an opportunity for me in that. And that was that to show my wife that if the shit really hit the fan, that I would be there no matter what. And so I was like, well, my hope and my. And I'll do everything I can to support her, but I really hope she's able to make this work because I don't want to live through what kind of pain it's going to bring if. If we can't make our rent payment. But Ashley turned, you know, she started talking to this coach and, gosh, it was. It was not long after that where things started to turn a profit. And the funny thing is, like, I don't know, I look back on some of the advice that the coach gave you, and I don't know that it was that earth shattering, but maybe it was. Maybe. But, you know, maybe it was at the time, like, now it seems kind of obvious the things that you do, you know, because you're maybe beyond some of that. But at the time, it was necessary. Gosh, yeah, that was the. That was a real catalyst for us to actually do something. But it was the last of the money that we had.

It was the last. I remember that conversation and people always ask me, like, where did that coach come from? Like, how'd that all fall apart or fall into place, I guess. And I mean, she kind of found me for, I don't know, I guess I call that God. And it was 7,500 bucks. And you and I had gone through Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. And so A, putting things on a credit card was like, against what we believed. And B, making a decision without your spouse was also against what we believe. So I don't know what happened to me, but I just knew, like, you have to do this. Like, this is. This is the last straw. Either you do this or the business. You just wrap it up right now and be done. And there's no Boutique Hub. I hated the name also. Like, I thought the Boutique Hub was the dumbest name at the time. And I don't know, it was just a train wreck. But hired the coach and, you know, it wasn't that everything she had was earth shattering. It wasn't. But it was like accountability. And it was. I would say a lot of it was money mindset. Like, I had these ideas in my head and you know how you just believe this is how I was raised and this is exactly how the rest of the world should operate. And it's not that way. Like you grow up and you're like, oh, it doesn't have to be like this. And I had some thoughts around charging. So you know, when I talk about pricing to boutique owners and how you should price your products, I lived that myself. And I felt like I was being more holy, giving myself away for free to everybody, like that was a noble thing that I couldn't feed my own family in. Hey guys. Here at the Hub, we're committed to finding the best tools and resources we can find to help you grow your business. And that's why we're so excited to share more about Comment Sold. For those of you who may be rocking your Comment Sold lives already or you're new around here, here's a little bit more about what Comment Sold does. They're an all inclusive e commerce and social selling platform that allows busy business owners like you to sell and scale online simply. You can host engaging live, sell videos or post on social media, your branded app, turn comments into shopping carts, automate your workload and definitely get support from the dedicated experts and a community of booming boutiques. At Commentsold, if you don't have an app, they've got you covered for no additional cost that their business plan offers. To help up level your online sales, the CommentSold team is offering all of you, our boutique chat listeners, a free ring light when you start a 30 day trial. And if you're a boutique Hub member, remember you get a discount on comments sold. To get started, claim your ring light while supplies last visit commentsold.com boutiquechat that's commentsold.com boutiquechat and so anyway, all these things really came together with this coach. And one thing I do want to talk about with you, Eric, from that coach was we created our very first vision board together at that time, or I think I created one first and you created one shortly thereafter. But I created one in May of that year and I'd never done the vision board. Although you and I knew about the Secret because you had found the movie the Secret, someone on an airplane. How did you find that?

Years before this guy gave it to me on an airplane and I.

So random.

Yeah, and it was one of those deals where the people sitting behind us listened to him and I having this conversation and he was telling me about it. Yeah, and they made fun of him as we got off that plane.

And they came to you and made fun of this guy.

Yeah, as we were going to the baggage claim, they were, they were like mocking him and it was. And I still look back. Like, I'm not. I'm not saying that like, I. You. You got to be careful. I don't know it. That the. The. The premise that comes from that line of thought. I think it's super powerful.

Yeah.

So at any rate, I know that it's changed our lives.

So basically, in case you haven't heard the Secret, you can. It's a movie now. You can find it anywhere. It's a book. It's basically the law of attraction. And it's just for us, it's the first step in all these things we've started to uncover. But it's the idea of what you think about. You bring about what you focus on, you create more of. It's pretty basic. Also, it's in the Bible. So what you focus on. If you want to buy a red truck and all of a sudden all you can think about is a red truck, what do you see when you're driving down the road every day, red truck after red truck? Or if you wake up and you're having a bad day and you stub your toe getting out of the shower, what happens? You get a speeding ticket on the way to work or, you know, all these things fall apart because all you're focused on is the negative.

Yeah.

So we both knew about that, but I don't think we knew how to apply it. So we created this vision board. And I remember it was May of that year, and by September, everything except, like, two things on that vision board had come true.

Yeah.

And we were just floored.

So, you know, and what really happened? I mean, this is a real testament, I think, to the idea of what you focus on sort of becomes your reality. Ashley's creating these vision boards, and I'm sitting back watching this, and she's, like, knocking it out of the park, like, month after month and, like, hitting these home runs. And I'm not like, I'm still kind of, like, maintaining what I have, but it wasn't like, I wasn't really, like, moving mountains by any means. And so I created a vision board one day, and I put the most. Two, like, most just outrageous things I could think of. One was I was going to quit using tobacco. I had used tobacco for, like, 20 years, and I didn't want to quit. So I was like, I'm going to put that on there because I know that I should, even though I don't want to and I don't have any intentions of doing. So I put that on there. And I've Always felt like I've never had enough money my whole life. Like, I've always felt like we. I've got these things I want to do, and I never felt like I had it. So I put the most outrageous number I could think of. I took a bank statement that had like, $500 in this account. I crossed out the decimal point and zeros, and I turned it into 500,000. And I thought if we had $500,000 and if I quit chewing, I will believe that this is legit. And, I mean, I don't know how long it was. Maybe 11 months, something like that. But it. But both of those things happened. So that was like my first experience with it.

It was Ethan's birthday. How did that. There was something to do with Ethan's birthday?

Yeah. Well, I had a friend. I talked to a friend about it, finally won it, like, like, maybe month, like 6 or 7. When I finally decided that this is something I needed to do with the chewing thing, my friend told me, he goes, you know what you need to do? He's like, you need to put, like, you need to just hang a thing in your office. That is like the top five reasons why you want to quit. And the number one reason was, is because if I continue to do this, my son is going to see it. Our son is going to see it, and it'll be something that he. It'll desensitize him to the. To the idea of doing stuff like this. And so I was like, I just didn't want him to witness me doing this. So that was enough, I think, seeing that every day, which is also a vision.

21 days. And you.

I don't recall that.

I think you circled 21 days from that point.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it takes 21 days to break a habit. That is true. Yeah. So. And then.

And then the 21st day ended up on. It was Easton's birthday.

Yeah. Ironically, totally ironic. It was not planned at all, but that's the way it ended up. And so total. I don't know, you can call it a coincidence or whatever you want, but that's what happened. So, I mean, I look back on, like, this practice of doing that type of thing, and another one that I just. I'll share with the group because I think this is such a good testament to these. To this type of thing is I had seen an interview at one point with Sheryl Crow, and she did this. It was called the Big Interview. And Ashley's heard this from me a bunch of times because I still think that someday I would love to see her on the stage at Summit and have her tell this story. But she tells a story about having a vision board and how impactful it was in her life and how she was able to accomplish these wonderful things because she was focused on. And so she goes through this whole experience of how this had transformed her life and got her to the point where she wanted to be. And once she got there, she found out that she was not as happy as she thought that she would be. And when she tells this story, it's way more impactful. But anyway, you know, she says, at that point in time, I decided that I was going to change the way I did these vision boards, and I was going to turn them. Rather than focus on the things that I wanted to have in my life, I was going to focus on the person that I wanted to become. And so then she changed it, and. And then she says she talks about, like, the next three years of her life and how a lot of the things that she thought she would need in her life sort of went away. And she found that that reduced amount of baggage and. But. But really becoming a better person was what really drove her happiness. And so I just. I, like, I listened to her tell that story, and I was like, man, I'm. I'm going to do my best to focus on that, because I think we all know that to be true, but it just helps to hear from somebody who's walked that path.

Yeah, I love that. And so now. Now our vision board experiences, we do it with our whole family. Like, the kids have their own vision boards, and whether or not they really get it at this point, I don't care. It will continue to manifest for them. But just to see how it's unfolded for us is pretty remarkable. The things that have happened and just how we have lived because of that, like, I'll call it intentionality with one another.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of another question for you. So along the way, I'm going back to the time where you were saying rosaries in the car. We had a lot of doubt at that point. Like, we had each other that we believed in, but all of our external factors doubted us in the center. I'm thinking about this because of my vision board. In the center of my vision board is the gentleman that, you know that was a CEO of a company who, when I told him about the Boutique Hub, he literally, like, patted me on the head like, hey, little girl. And he said, good luck with your little project. And that's always Been. It just fuels me. It just like, burns me, the fact that someone said this and all along, when you left your career, people said that to you.

Yeah, I still have, like, I still have people from that, from that industry, like, reach out to friends of mine that are still there and, and they're like. And they laugh and joke about the fact that, that I work with my wife and what, what, what an inconvenience that must be. And like, I look back, like, I'm like, I feel like the luckiest man on planet Earth. Like, I. Yeah, I. Not that that was a prison sentence that I was in, but this is just way, way better.

Yeah, it was.

People will never understand it. You'll have family that'll doubt you, you'll have co workers doubt. You'll have all kinds of people around you doubt you all the time. But back to the vision board thing it is. Whether or not you sink or swim is going to be dependent on whether you focus on their doubt or you focus on the possibility of making something happen. And there's all kinds of studies that talk about how people, when they're on their deathbed, the things they regret are not things they did, it's things they didn't do. So, I mean, you know, you can always undo this stuff.

Yeah.

You know, none of this, like I would, man. I just think we all need to focus more on the possibility of doing things in production and all that stuff and really try our best to not let the doubt and negativity get the best of us. The vision board is a great tool for that. That's the point.

That is the point. Tune out everyone else who. Because they will come from the least expected places, family, I mean, best friends, everybody, the least expected places will doubt you the most. And I think that's an unfortunate reality. Or how did you. I think this is a commonly asked question I see in the hub is deciding, like, this is the time. How do you decide this is the time to come work with your spouse?

You know, in our, in our case, it was relatively easy because the decision was made just strictly on economics. You know, can we really. Can we. Can we free ourselves of the need to have my income and I can come to roll the dice with the boutique of. And take that gamble.

And insurance.

And insurance, yeah, that's the other thing. And so we were able to, you know, sort of replace the income that I had. And then on the insurance side, we were able to do. We had to do a lot of shopping, but we were, We. We're on Medicare we're on Medicare, basically, and we've got some supplemental policies, so it's not. I don't know if it's not as good or. I don't know. At the end of the day, I think it's probably fine. But our decision was strictly economic, and so it was relatively easy to make. In hindsight, we should have considered some other things. Not only the economics, but also like, you know, what is Ashley's role, What is my role? How do we fit into this together as a team and all these things? And I think if we'd have done that, it would have been a little bit less stressful in the beginning because I wouldn't have been trying to do the Facebook live, you know what I mean, and have a freaking panic attack. And my wife knows all along that all she has to do is hit the delete button. And I have no idea that this is an option. But at any rate, I mean, so. So it would have just kept me out of that uncomfortable arena. But, you know, you don't know what you don't know in life's about the journey. So I don't have any regrets. Like, I don't think we did anything wrong per se, but if I had it to do over again, if I could, If I could maybe save somebody the inconvenience or the pain, I'd say maybe just give some thought to that up front. Don't let it dictate the decision. If you feel like you're ready to make that move, make the move and focus on, you know, the positive things that can come from it. But just be prepared to have that discussion.

I love it. Okay, parting. Parting tip. One last tip for anyone who's listening about working with your spouse.

Oh, man. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. I feel like that's all I do is like, I find the limits of my expertise and then I find somebody that does it better than I do and I pull them in as a team member and. And I think a lot of that then. Then Ashley kind of knows too. Like, gosh, this is hard to explain, but like, I've done as much as I can from like the CFO type perspective. So now I'm reaching out for help from an external person that's like. It's kind of like an outside CFO that's going to come in and sort of coach me and help me and. And I think that provides a level of comfort with you actually to know that, you know, it's not all on me. It's not all one perspective, you know, and so now you. You know that we've got sort of. Me, that person, Beth Kelly, a lot of us sort of on the operations side of things that are. It's a whole group of us making these decisions that provides, I think, a lot of peace of mind for you so you don't have to think about that stuff and you can just roll on with what you need to do. So from running the business, I would say ask for help. From the marriage perspective, the relationship perspective, I would say a lot of it has to do with your personal motives. If you can just really come to terms with the fact that it's, you know, I don't know how to explain something. It's not about what you necessarily think you want, Whether it's making money or all those things. Just. Just be there for your spouse. And if it all falls apart, at an absolute minimum, your spouse knows that you have. That they have somebody that. That is totally committed to them. Well, that's a win, and that's a big win. So obviously we don't want that to happen, but it's still a big win. So I don't know.

Do you have any questions for me?

Goodness sakes, I'll put you on the spot. Let me think. Gosh, I don't know what. I'm just trying. I'm trying to think about this from, like, the perspective of the people that are listening. Like, what would they really want to know? And maybe. I don't know. I don't know what else.

I feel like your mind is in the gutter.

It was there for a minute. I filtered. It's not that it was in the gutter. I was going to pick on you about not having anything of value to share with them, and that's what you do all day. I figured I'd just leave that one alone and share that one with you. When the microphone is off, you're fired. No, I mean, what is it like from a woman's perspective? Like, what are the things that, you know, that were challenging with me coming on board?

Well, one thing we started to touch on, but I don't think we finished, is when times are really tough and you were working your butt off and I was trying to build a business. One thing I wish I would have known, and I hope everyone hears this, is men are commonly more analytical than women. Like, we get into the business because we like the people and the fashion and the marketing and all these, like, fun, artsy side of the brain things. And the men are typically A little bit more analytical. And they want the scientific. And they just want to know that there's a plan. They just want to know how are we going to get from point A to point B? Step by step or number by number. And the woman or me, I'll just say me in this case is, well, don't you trust me? Well, don't you trust me? Like, I had this idea, don't you, don't you think I can do it? And then you start to resent the other person and get bitter with the other person because you feel like they don't trust you. But really it's that I wasn't able to provide a plan and I'm going to do this and then we're going to do that. I didn't have that until I hired a coach. That's. I feel like what really changed. So I guess going all the way back to the beginning, if you are just thinking about working with your spouse, make sure you're communicating on what's the plan? What's the roadmap? How are we going to get there? And if you don't know the answers, I feel like that's okay. But who does? And just like you are saying you've started to hire people to help you where you have gaps, we all have to do that. We all have to hire people to help us where we have gaps. It's not what you know, it's who you know. That's the game of business. No one is expected to know it all. Like, what kind of freak of nature would you be if you knew it all? Nobody does. So be willing to ask for help. I guess that's of part probably the theme of this podcast. Marriage, help life, help mindset, help business, help, financial help, all of it. Like, be willing to ask for help. Be vulnerable, be honest, and just meet the other person where they are, man.

I'll. Yeah, I'll add. And. And that's it. That's it. That's it.

Drop the mic.

Yeah, but. But you know, the one last thing I'll add to that is that I'll take it one step further and if there is something that I can do to help somebody that's listening, my contact and this might be the weirdest thing ever done on podcast.

Have you ever been on a podcast?

No, this is the only. I'm just saying in general, like, I'm sure people don't put their contact info out there on a podcast, but mine's on the website, on the Boutique up website. If there's Something I can do to help you reach out to me? Yeah, I'll help. I'll do whatever I can.

Okay, I'll say this. So typically, have you ever listened to one of these podcasts before?

The Boutique Hub Chat. The Boutique.

Do you know the name of it?

Boutique Chat.

Okay. Have you ever listened to it?

Bits and pieces. You are so full of. Maybe one or two.

No. You're such a liar. Why? Okay, well, I was gonna say, commonly at the end of these podcasts, I tell people, if you're listening, message me on Instagram @aj alder. It's AJ Alderson.

See, I never got to the end. She's shaking her head.

You're dead. Anyway, so I'll say this, so message me. If you're listening, message me on Instagram. It's AJ Alderson. And I think maybe you should redeem yourself and we could do a Facebook live together or an Instagram live.

I feel like I'd be like, totally redeem yourself. The guy with the hands that doesn't know what to do with him.

No, you're fine. You're past that anyway. But I. I do think so. It's eric@the boutiqueup.com is your email. I'm Ashley the BoutiqueUp.com. but, like, if you're a guy listening, it's eric. Eric@theboutiqueup.com Message Eric or message me on Instagram, and I will commit that we will actually do an Instagram live together, because I think this would be helpful in real time where we could actually field people's comments, questions, because we've walked the walk. We're past the point of panic attacks.

Close. I agree. Yeah, I agree.

Okay, deal. All right, guys, thanks for listening today. Reach out. We can't wait to hear from you. Hope you love this podcast. If anything, we had our own, you know, internal marriage counseling that just happened in front of you all for the last hour. So thanks for listening. We appreciate it. Hope you guys have a good day. Good luck. Husbands, wives, spouses, partners, couples. It's possible, and it can be really awesome.

Yeah, I don't know what to say.

All right. And cut. Have a great day, guys. Thanks for listening. Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode. We hope that you loved it. Don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a rating and review down below for a chance to be one of our featured listeners each and every week. For more information on our spirit of community over competition and how to access complete show notes and bonus downloads from our guests, head on over to the boutiquehub.com and join the community. We'll see you next week. It.