Episode #225: Being Business Owner and Coping with Mental Illness with Marie Earthman, Boutique Owner and Mother

Hey, guess who's back? It's episode 225, and this is gonna be a personal episode. I hope you guys enjoy this one. Let's talk about your business strategy and the juicy details of what actually works, from mainstream fashion to fashion on Main street and the entire ecosystem behind it. How do we scale your company and do it with the balance and the happiness that we all seek? Let's hear from those insiders, experts, and strategists that actually make it happen. I'm your host, Ashley Al, from the Boutique Hub, and I can't wait to chat. Last week was the anniversary of the death of Robin Williams. And I know many of you remember when we first heard of Robin Williams passing because it came as such a shock to the world and to people who loved his work. And it really became an opportunity for people to share what it's really like to deal with mental illness and how so many people in this world deal with dark demons on a daily basis. But because of the stigma attached, so many people don't have the opportunity to talk openly about the challenges that they're facing. You know, as a cancer survivor myself, and after losing my dad to cancer, I think about how healing it was for us to be able to talk about that experience openly and share in the support that we felt from fellow survivors or, you know, fellow families that had been there and been down the road that we'd also been down. And it's like that with so many diseases and ailments and tragedies that we face in our life. But unfortunately, with mental illness and with suicide, that is a tragedy that far too few people can talk about because of the pain associated and like I said, because of the stigma that can come along with it. So if there's one great shining light that's come out of Robin Williams passing, I truly feel like it's the opportunity to talk openly about mental health and what we can do to change the stigma attached. So this week, I'm so excited to have this very conversation on the podcast with someone who's a dear friend of mine. She's been a member of the Boutique Hub community almost since the very beginning. A very successful and prominent store in Texas that I followed since she was very new in her journey, one of the first boutiques I found on social media, and someone who has a lot to say on this topic. Not just what it's like through her eyes and with her journey with mental health, but also through the eyes of a boutique owner. And we're also going to be Sharing some insights at the end of this podcast that can maybe help you take a look at your business and go, you know what? When is enough enough? When is comparison enough? And when do I need to really settle in to what is right for me and my family and my operation and get off of this idea that bigger has to be better? Because sometimes scaling our operations back or scaling our storefront sizes back can mean that we can run a more lean operation and in turn become profitable. But doing so in a way that doesn't risk our health and the health of our family along the way. Guys, this week, please help me welcome my friend, Marie Earthman, who's the CEO and founder of Pomp and Circumstance Boutique from Houston, Texas. I know you're going to love this episode and hearing Marie's story, and I encourage you, if you have a story to share, please share it. Because as boutique owners, as women of influence and men of influence, I know that there's people that are watching you through your social media channels. And you never know when sharing just one story that impacted your life could impact so many others. And together, I truly believe that we can erase the stigma attached to mental illness and raise the importance of mental health and talk about things that can be so painful, but in turn shed the light on the moments that can truly feel to be their most dark. Guys, help me welcome Marie to the podcast this week and let me know what you think about this episode. Message us over on Instagram boutiquehubusiness or at my personal Instagram ajalderson. I'd love to hear what you think. All right, guys, today's podcast is one that I think is going to hit you in the heartstrings because so many people need to hear the message that we are about to cover. Marie, I am so happy that you're on the podcast with me today. Thank you for taking the time to join me.

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to do this.

I am so excited to have this conversation with you like we were talking about before we started to record. I. You know, we've known each other for actually quite a while now, and I always love to shop your boutique. Not just to follow your boutique, but I really admire the business that you've built. And I just think you've got great business chops and style chops on top of everything else we're going to cover. So there's going to be a lot of value we're going to dive into today, right?

Yeah. And thank you for saying that. Thank you for being A customer?

You bet. So let's get started here. I always love to give people a little bit of background and context about you, your family, where you're at and how you got started into the boutique business.

Yes. So I am in Houston, Texas. I am a mom of two boys, a two year old named Fields and a six year old named Wright. And I have been in the retail industry since I was 14 years old. I started working at a cute little store called the Shoe Hut after school. I worked two hours every day after school and on the weekends and fell madly in love with it. And I've never stopped working in retail. In my 20s, when I was in college, I started working as a personal assistant to a jewelry designer. And I went from her personal assistant to running her business and she adopted two babies and kind of needed somebody to take over her business and the day to day operations and her wholesale side, her retail side. And so I did that for her. And then I worked for a luxury handbag designer here in Houston and ran her wholesale and retail side as well, and was also a buyer in between all of this and it's just in, it's kind of evolved. And I decided in 2007 that I was ready to go out on my own and I started designing my own jewelry. So I had a jewelry line online, solely online, and I hustled. I was working all the time and with nanny on the side to make extra money, was constantly designing, constantly making jewelry. I would post pictures on Facebook, would host parties in my house, and in 2011 decided that it was time to open a brick and mortar. And I did and it was a great success. And I eventually started adding clothing to the studio and I had two racks, had no idea what I was doing with clothes. Jewelry was really my passion, but I had a good eye and I didn't realize that people were really loving what I was doing with the clothing that I was buying. And I just kept buying more and more and more clothing and it was just flying. And I moved into that first studio, was a 500 square foot studio and moved into a thousand square feet about a year later. And then from there moved into the Rice Village area of Houston, which is a major shopping center, into a 3,000 square foot store. So it was a great journey and it took off pretty quickly. And I've always loved retail and it's kind of my heart and my passion.

You know, being an online jewelry business back in 2007, that had to be quite a feat because that was still pretty early on in Facebook. Days. Right. So definitely a different landscape than it is now.

Definitely. But, you know, I learned that's when I started learning the value of immediate shopping and immediate gratification. Kind of learned that people wanted things immediately, and it was a great tool. Facebook was such a great tool. In 2007, I did have a website.

Absolutely.

Yeah. And, you know, and that was the time when press really mattered, and I was getting a lot of press locally and then eventually nationally. My jewelry was in the movie the Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez. So all of the main actors. So as Melissa McCarthy, Michaela Watson, and Jennifer Lopez all wore my jewelry in the movie. And that was a huge.

That's pretty awesome.

Yeah, yeah. So that was kind of a big push for my business.

How did you go about press and PR in those days? Because I think that's something that not a lot of business owners today give enough stock to. I mean, I know it was more important then because there wasn't such a presence of social media, but it definitely still matters today to have those types of placements.

So I, from working with the jewelry designer and the handbag designer, had a lot of connections in the PR industry here in Houston and just stayed in touch with them. And my first interview was with the Houston Chronicle, and that article alone, I think I sold 100 pair of earrings. And for new business, that was huge. And that really, just having those connections really helped me. And, you know, it evolved my business. Yet without PR and without having any press, I don't know how I would have made it.

Shortly after that, then, when you did start your boutique, I laughed because I think the first time I met you, I told you this story that I remember following you on social media from way, way, way back in the early days. You were really one of the first boutiques. I remember having a Facebook presence specifically. And like I said at the beginning, one thing I've always admired is the way that you bought. You know, you fell in love with clothes, and it continued to grow. But today, in such a world of fast fashion, where I think sometimes there's too much emphasis on price and on trend, you've really done a great job mixing, like, higher quality pieces with great styling and merchandising. Can you kind of give the listeners a little bit of a background on, like, your buying strategy, your merchandising strategy, and what you're looking for when you're filling your store?

Yes. Well, first of all, thank you for the compliment. I do pride myself on being a good buyer, and that means a lot when. When that's recognized, so thank you. Houston is a city that wants to spend money, but what I also found was that there weren't any boutiques in Houston that were affordable for the women and the moms that don't want to spend a lot of money. And I needed to create. That was in between, and I did. And I was one of the first boutiques to do that. And so when I buy, I am looking for things, and I. And I hate to use this term, but I do look for designer dupes, and not all the time. You know, that's not my main focus. But I do keep an eye on designers and what the trends are. And. But I know that my customer is not going to spend $500 on a top or a dress. And I try to find styles that are going to kind of emulate that that aren't going to break the bank. And I try to shop for moms. I'm a mom, and I have young kids, so I know that I can't wear short skirts, I can't wear short dresses, you know, things like that. And I want to find things that are comfortable, that are flowy, because, let's be real, we're moms have tummies still. Not everybody, but a lot of us are still in the mindset of wanting to kind of hide our bodies. And so I buy clothing that will appeal to moms that have that mindset. And I also work really hard on buying clothing that makes those particular women step outside of their comfort zone and show these women that they can wear things that are a little bit tighter, a little bit more fitted if they will just trust me. So that's kind of my. If that makes any sense.

Yeah, I like that. And it seems like there's a lot of really easy to wear pieces. You know, you've got probably one of the best selections of dresses that I've seen, like, really cute day dresses, easy to put on, easy to style and go. And I think that's a good idea or a good option for moms that they may not turn to immediately unless you suggest it to them and offer them that styling service.

Absolutely. And that's a good point, is that as moms, we want to look put together, but sometimes we are so tired and we don't have the energy to put our makeup on. And mascara is a huge deal for me. I don't know why I'm like, I don't want to put mascara on today, but if I have a dress on and, you know, I feel really put together, I can have not a stitch of makeup on, but if I have a dress on, I will feel put together and presentable. And it is telling moms, hey, throw on a pair of sneakers with a dress, and you're still comfortable, but you feel cute at the same time. And you can still run around with your kids and go to the park and not look crazy in a dress.

All the things. Right? So when you and I first met, you were a student at Boutique Boot Camp. That's how I first got to know you, which was an honor to get to work with you, by the way. And during that time, it was right before Hurricane Harvey, so we were kind of in touch through that piece of chaos in everybody's life in Houston. And I got to know you on a personal level, and I knew during that time that you definitely were struggling with some anxiety and depression and different things. And recently, you and I kind of came back and revisited this conversation because so many people today have struggles that they aren't necessarily sharing openly because of, you know, a perceived stigma or whatever it might be. But you came to me and you said, gosh, Ashley, you know, I just wish I could share this message with more people and make it okay for them to share their message, too. And I admire that. And that's really what I want to talk about today. I know you've got, you know, definitely some history to share that I think so many of us are going to be able to relate to. So I'd love to kind of turn it over to you to kind of start more of the background of your story about the things people may not know about you.

Okay. And I will apologize if I get emotional because it is still. My story is difficult for me, and it is emotional, and I have not had an easy childhood and life. And so I do get a little emotional about it. So I apologize in advance.

No need.

My parents, this is y'. All. My journey is a long one, so I apologize in advance for all of that. My parents got divorced when I was 18 months old, and my mom was a single mom. My dad was. He struggled with addiction and was not in my life. So my mom and I were a team, and we had the best relationship, and I had a great childhood with her, and she loved me so, so much, and I loved her so, so much. And we just had a great relationship. When I was four years old, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and she had very rare cancer. I think at the time, she was the third person in the United States to ever be diagnosed with it. And going through the journey with her of the ups and downs of being in remission and then being diagnosed again was. Was a lot. And I was exposed to a lot with her being in the hospital, going through chemo. She eventually was wheelchair bound because she became paralyzed. And it was. As a child, I had to grow up very quickly, and I didn't have a father, and it was. It was hard. And when she passed away When I was 9 and she was 30, I moved in with her identical twin sister, which in and of itself is difficult to see your mom's face every day. And my aunt that raised me was not the most supportive person. And my journey with her in my childhood and early 20s was very difficult. And it was not a safe place, and it wasn't a place where I could talk about my mom. It was a very. My aunt felt that because she was her twin sister, that she kind of had more of the. She was. She should grieve more than me. And so I wasn't allowed to talk about my grief. And not being able to talk about grief is very difficult. And being a child, you know, having to hold that in was. Was difficult. And I started really struggling in high school with depression and anxiety. I was constantly anxious, and there was a lot going on at home that children shouldn't see, and I was exposed to it. So going from a childhood and a home with my mom that was very loving and accepting, welcoming, open arms every single day, you know, it was just a really idyllic childhood to going to a home that was sometimes volatile and unsupportive. And I was constantly told that if I did something wrong, I would need to go live with another family. So I didn't have a lot of stability, and I didn't have the feeling of security. And my dad was still not in my life at this time, so I didn't really have anybody to lean on. So, as you can imagine, I was in my head a lot, and it was very difficult. And I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety.

And during such a volatile time in a child's life anyway, you know, teenage years and hormones and everything else on top of it, and then having to deal with those feelings besides.

Yes, I didn't really know what depression or anxiety was. I just knew that I was sad a lot, but I thought that it had to do with my mom. And then a week before I left for college, it was. This is the weirdest story, but it was the middle of the night, and I had little to no relationship with my father at all. And My aunt came into my room in the middle of the night, and I popped up and I said, my dad's dead. I knew. And it was the weirdest sensation. Like, a feeling just came over me that I knew that he died and he had committed suicide the night before.

And.

Yeah, and suicide is something that, again, you're ashamed of. You don't want to talk about it. I have never shared that my dad committed suicide. I just started sharing it about a year ago, and there was always this. I was always willing and open to talk about my mom having cancer, but talking about my father committing suicide was something that I was mortified to share, and it shouldn't be that way. So, anyway, when he committed suicide, something in me was triggered, and I kind of spiraled into a major depression, and I was leaving for college in a week, so it was kind of a perfect storm for this to happen. So I went to college a week later and was, like I said, just spiraling and didn't know how to cope and was extremely depressed. I started having panic attacks all the time, and I didn't know why. And then I started therapy. And I guess I should say I've been in therapy off and on since my mom was diagnosed with cancer, but I was not in therapy in high school. That started again when I was in college and was medicated and went to some bad doctors that gave me a lot of medication, and that was another bad situation. And kind of trying to figure out how to get better from. From the medication because, you know, sometimes we get bad reactions, and I was kind of a zombie, but that is kind of my history and what has happened in my life that has kind of led to my depression and anxiety.

Oh, my goodness, Marie. So after that period you went to school, did you feel like you kind of, you know, through counseling and medication and just kind of this discovery of taking care of your mental health, did you feel like you found a period of stability then before you went on after school and started the jewelry business and the things that kind of led.

You to where you're at today? I did. So when I first started my jewelry business, I was still really struggling with it, and I actually found making jewelry to be kind of an outlet for me. And I felt good, if that makes sense, when I was in the. In the zone. And I. I felt good about that part of my life, so I really, really, really focused on it and was able to throw myself into work because it took my mind off of everything else. But then starting around 29, I did find stability I got off medication again. I would say to anybody that is on medication, obviously speak to a doctor, but. And I did this with my doctor. We decided that medication just was not right for me. And I got off medication and it felt like a veil was lifted for me, and I felt more alive again and I felt more present. I met my now husband and when I was 29, and this was in 2009, and we got engaged five months later and married six months after that. So all within a year, I buddy and got married. And he. My husband, Richard, is one of the most supportive people, and he is my rock. And he really understood me. And that was something that I needed desperately. I am. I like to say I'm a feeler. I'm very much in my feelings, and that can turn people off. People get kind of uncomfortable with that. And it didn't. He was not uncomfortable. And it was really nice to have that support and not feel weird. And I was always told I was too much growing up. You're. You're too much, you feel too much, you're too sensitive, you're too this, you're too that. And Richard never made me feel that way. And he had gone through a similar story of losing his mom. And we kind of bonded over that. And having the. I don't want to say camaraderie or, you know what I'm saying. What's the word?

Yeah, camaraderie.

Ours are so hard for me. But having. Having that to relate to with him was such a relief because I didn't feel alone. And so that really helped my mental health. It really did, having that support. And I was great. I was great for a few years. And I got pregnant with my first son, right. And was sick as a dog for six months, was off and on bed rest and struggled because I had just opened my brick and mortar. Well, I think it was a year old at that point. And I struggled with not being able to be there every day, having to find employees that were good, that could stay at the store and run the store when I was sick or on bed rest. And that was a struggle. So in the. Being on bed rest itself is also not easy. And it all kind of started coming back when, with my pregnancy, I delivered right? And everything was great. And I one day just could not function. And I was diagnosed with postpartum ocd. And I don't if anybody that struggles with OCD that, you know, it is one of the most difficult diseases because you literally can't stop it. You can't stop These thoughts, and if you don't do certain things and something bad is going to happen. And it was one of the lowest points for me because I now had a baby that I needed to take care of and wanted to take care of and wanted to bond with that there were certain things that my mind were telling me I couldn't do with my baby. And that was hard, hard, hard. I wasn't sleeping. You know, I was up with the baby and feeding. My husband stepped in and started helping in the middle of the night. And then we did get a night nurse. And that was something that really did help a lot because I figured out that sleep is a trigger for me, and if I'm not sleeping, my mental health is not good. So went to therapy, and I did cognitive behavioral therapy, which is. If you're not familiar, it's. You're kind of thrown into a situation. The situation that you're. That you're afraid of or the. For me, my thoughts were. Had to do with my son, and I would be put into a scenario where those thoughts were real in that moment, if that makes sense.

So was that something that helped you? How does that process work? Is that something that helps you kind of face that fear that's driving the ocd, and then you just figure out coping mechanisms to overcome that fear or. Tell me more about that.

Yeah, so one of the things. Some of the fears that I had, I don't want to get into, because they were really bad.

Yeah, you don't have to.

One was I could not feed. Right. It was. I was terrified of him choking. I couldn't be in the room, or I would just. I would have a panic attack. So one of the exercises that I did in therapy was watching a baby choke, which was so hard. But what it does is kind of desensitizes you, because then the baby's okay. So you. You go through the fear, face that fear over and over and over again, but then you see that the baby is okay. So it desensitizes you, essentially. And that really, really, really helped me. And I was able to. As Wright got older, I was able to kind of let a lot of the fears go, thankfully, but they would linger a little bit. But I was able to get help and through the cognitive behavioral therapy, get better.

Were there other things that you were doing at that time, you know, by taking care of yourself? Sleep, exercise, eating habits. Were there other things that contributed, do you think, overcoming part of that period as well?

Yeah, I started taking classes, which was a huge relief. I started eating really well, I was having health issues at the same time that all of this was happening. And another thing that I wanted to touch on briefly, and this goes into taking care of myself, is I started seeing a functional medicine doctor and more functional medicine doctor essentially helps you figure out what's wrong and take care of it in a more natural way. And that was a huge saving grace for me. I realized or found out that I had several autoimmune diseases and that I had the MTHFR gene mutation. And I don't know if it's becoming more. There's more awareness about it now, but I had no idea what that was. And basically it's a gene mutation that your body can't absorb certain vitamins and minerals, particularly folic acid, correctly. And one of the major side effects of that or symptoms of it is anxiety and depression and particularly ocd. And when I found that out, it was like a light bulb went off in my head and with my doctor and I was put on a, basically a supplement. It was a prescription supplement that, that helped my body regulate those vitamins and minerals that you get on a day to day basis that I wasn't able to regulate or process correctly. And that was a huge help. It really kind of changed my life. So that was one of the major things and exercising and I was eating really well and I was doing really well and then had another. Oh, go ahead. Oh.

So was it during this time then did you kind of go back to like focusing on work? Things started to get better. You really dove kind of headfirst into the store and that was growing at the same time, and the store began to expand. Did that help what you were going through or did that ultimately kind of deter from what you were going through in your healing process?

No, it helped. So, yes. So during this time when I was feeling better, I had an opportunity to open a location in the Rice Village area of Houston, which I said earlier is a major shopping destination in Houston. And when I was younger, I always wanted a store. I didn't know what it would be, but I've always wanted a store in Rice Village and it was a huge jump for me. I went from 1,000 square feet to 3,000 square feet and five times the rent and which was terrifying. But I was feeling good mentally, was feeling good physically. My husband was 100% supportive and I just decided to go for it. And yes, I threw myself into it. And was it extremely stressful? Yes. But it also did deter or distract me from my depression and anxiety, which is. Which Was great. With that being said, it also eventually started to trigger it again, but that was kind of down the road. But yes, it was a great.

So talk to me about Hurricane Harvey coming during that period. I'm assuming for boutique owners in general that live in hurricane prone areas. I'll say I live in the Midwest. I don't know anything about hurricane. I just deal with snow. Right. So I can't imagine the process you go through just to even prep for a hurricane, but one of that size and one that impacted as many businesses as it did. So talk to me about the prep for that period, but then also how that period impacted you in the business.

Okay. Well, to back up, before Herbie, I became pregnant with my second child and was at 23 weeks, put on bed rest. I was having contractions and it was a nightmare. At 28 weeks, I was diagnosed with something called cholestasis, which essentially means the baby could die at any minute. So it was a very stressful time. And so I was on bed rest and then terrified the entire time that something what happened to my baby. I was in a doctor's office three to four times a week. And it was a very stressful time. Harvey, we had previously lived in a high rise, which you. When we were doing boutique, I mean the boot camp together, you would see our beautiful view. And when I became pregnant, my second child, we decided, okay, we're having two boys, we need a yard. So we moved to an area in Houston that is known to flood. But we took the chance because it was a beautiful house and it was a new construction and it was built five feet up. We just were not nervous about it. There's no way that a storm will come that will affect this house. So we roll the dice. Two months later, after moving in, Harvey comes. So, yes, we start prepping in the store. We rolled up rugs, we put everything up on tables and counters and put all the clothing in the back room and prepared the store that way. And at home, again, we did not think anything was going to happen. We did. Harvey came. I think we were warned about it earlier in the week. And so my uncle happened to live have a place in Houston in a high rise. And he told us to go stay at his place while he was out of town. So we did on that Friday night, but nothing happened. So we went home. We thought we were fine and in the clear, and we went home to our house. And then Harvey came. And it was the most terrifying time of my life. We were watching the waters rise. It happened so fast that I think that's what was so scary. It started raining. We were getting tornado warnings. We were hiding in our closet with our dog and my 4 year old at the time. And sirens were going off, which we had never heard. We're in Houston, we don't have tornadoes really. So that was scary. And the water hadn't started rising just yet, so we were like, okay, if this is it, we're okay. This, you know, it's scary but it's, it's not that bad. Well, my husband stayed up all night just to watch the water. And at 3:30 he came and got me and he said, Marie, this is, it's really bad and we need to start figuring out what to do. So I got up and the water at this point was halfway up our stairs which meaning outside. And again our house was five feet above ground. And this is around four in the morning at this point. So I was getting really nervous, nervous obviously, but I was able, it was really interesting because I was the calm one. My husband freaking out that we still, there's just no way it's going to keep rising. There is just not possible. We just could not fathom what was going to come. So we all, we started calling the police because I was pregnant. I was on bed rest because of contractions and had this high risk pregnancy. And so we were already starting to figure out what we were going to do. Nobody, we couldn't get in touch with anybody because there were much bigger issues at hand obviously. And as the day is going on, the water is rising more and more. I'm having contractions because I'm terrified of what's happening. And I eventually go into labor which.

Was, oh my goodness, unbelievable.

We got in touch with our county comptroller who, who eventually got a truck to come get us. And this truck was humongous. The truck stalled two houses down from us at this point. Water is now on our porch. So it's getting closer and closer to getting in our house. And long story short, we a kayaker came by and we told him that I was having contractions. They at this point were about two and a half minutes apart. So it wasn't crazy. And got his son in law to that had a motorboat. He came and rescued us and it ended up that I went to high school with this guy and he rescued us and dropped us off about a mile away. And that was our story in this store. We did get water in the store but it wasn't anything that wasn't fixable. So we were very, very lucky. But what we did do was we opened the store a few days after Harvey, and we called our customers and we said, we need your help. We need to help people that have lost everything. We are going to make lunches. Bring what you can. And Ashley, like, they showed up the most incredible sense of community that I had ever seen. And I wasn't asking people to shop with us. I was asking for just their support and helping our community. And people lost everything. And I wanted to figure out how we could give back. Well, let me back up. I did not have my name.

I was going to say, I think you missed an important point here. So the contractions stopped eventually, and then you called your customers at the store?

Well, I went to the hospital. My contractions were 90 seconds apart at this point. They were able to stop it. They gave me medication. Yeah. And just my personality is. I throw myself into a project and I wanted to help people. And I wasn't supposed to be up, but I. I did. And my. I had my entire family come, and my son was there, my husband was there, and my entire staff was there. And it just was such a cool experience seeing that happen. And people donated a ton of food. And then we all, my team and my family, we went and delivered food to people. It was such a cool experience.

Yeah. Something good truly does come out of every bad situation, whether it is Harvey and the sense of community that brought together. Or, I mean, I just think about 9, 11 in our country, or even with your own story, I think about you sharing your own story about mental health and, you know, just this awareness and what good can come from sharing those things with people and bringing people together? Tell me about right after this. You know, so Harvey comes and there's, you know, you're back to the store. But then you did have your son. And at what point did you, you know, kind of relive that same journey of, you know, your first child and then decide that something major had to change within your business as well?

The postpartum OCD came back pretty early. It was not as bad, which was wonderful. And I also knew I prepared before I delivered. And I hired a night nurse from the get go. So she came the night that we got home from the hospital because I knew that sleep was a huge trigger and I wanted to be prepared for that. And I knew that it was going to be expensive, but I made it work. And it was something that I knew had to be a priority. And I did start. I hired a new manager when I was still Pregnant. And I knew that she wasn't fully prepared. But I needed somebody, I needed somebody to help me. And when I'm stressed and because of my ocd, I am a perfectionist and I do have high expectations. And that was stressful for my team, which obviously is, you know, that is very understandable. But I decided that I wanted to open a pop up store in the opposite side of town, about 45 minutes away, 30 to 45 minutes away from us. Had this opportunity and I thought, you know, let's try this out for three months to see if we're ready for a second location. And my team was on board and I thought that we could handle it and we couldn't. And it was, it was successful in the sense that we had the exposure on the other side of town and we did gain new customers. But my team was falling apart and they couldn't. I wasn't there every day and I couldn't be. I had a baby and I mentally couldn't be there. And I realized that what I was doing was kind of hiding from my stressor, which was work. And so I would work from home a lot and was putting all of this on my employees to handle, which wasn't fair, but I didn't know how else to handle it. So it all came to a head. And this, the manager that I had that I was relying on quit. And she did give me notice that it was still a huge blow because we had this pop up and I had. So I had two locations, I had a baby and it was just. And employees were quitting left and right because the leadership was not there from our manager. And I'm not, I don't want to put the blame on her, but it was, it was just a really tough time. And I have never been suicidal, but I found myself multiple times saying to my husband, I don't know what the point of life is. And one night I said it and he said, marie, something has to change. You, you're scaring me now. And my husband is very level headed and very. Like I said, he's very supportive, but he's never said to me, you're scaring me now. And when he said that, something in me woke up and he said, you either need to close the business because it's too much or you need to downsize. And I've always pushed myself to, I wanted to prove it to everybody, that I could handle being a mom, I could handle being a business owner, that I could handle it all. And he said, who are you trying to prove this to. Because the only person that matters is you. And I. I finally was like, oh, my gosh. I had my aha moment and called my old landlord that owns the. The two previous locations that I had and said, hey, by chance, if you have any new spaces coming up, let me know. And she said, I do. Somebody who's wanting to get out of a lease and, you know, it's going to be a big change. Marie, are you sure that you want to do this? And I struggled with it for a little bit. From going from a 3,000 square foot store in a major shopping area where my rent was sky high to a store that was in. It's in a great area of Houston, but it's not a destin or it is a destination. There is no foot traffic at all. And I said, yeah, I need to do this for myself and for my family. And I'm just going to focus on online. We're still going to have the storefront open, but that's not going to be our main focus. And my staff and they were really, really excited having their. So at this point, I had found another person. She actually had been my personal assistant and she moved into the manager role. And having her and another staff member having their support and seeing their excitement to downsize and was infectious. And, you know, I was so excited about it. And we. So we moved in April of this year, made the announcement, and we did get a little bit of backlash from our customers. Why would you move? And I did have that moment of, oh, my God, I'm a failure. I am going backwards, and what am I doing? This is where Rice Village is where people aspire to be, and I'm going backwards.

Do you think that's a common stigma even in the boutique industry? Or no matter what business you're in, that fear of comparing yourself to others and where you think you should be versus where you know you need to be for what's best for you.

100%. I. The comparison game is strong and alive, and it is the devil. It is something that I struggle with. I did it last night. Oh, my gosh. This boutique has a warehouse and they're doing X, y and Z amount of orders and I'm not there. What am I doing wrong? And I had to center myself. Okay, Marie, this is not your journey, and you're doing exactly what you need to be doing. It is a struggle every single day day for me to not compare myself to others and to not be weighted in where I am. I've come a long way. And when I look at where I started and where I am now, I'm really proud of that.

Absolutely. You were telling me before we started to record, you know, I was just like, how's the business going? What's new? And would you share with the listeners? Just, you know, since you've made that change? You said, I feel like people have noticed a change in me and my energy.

Yes.

And what's happened to your business since then?

Yeah. So again, I was. I was stressed out all the time, and I had this ridiculously high rent. I had a ton of payroll. And when I. The choice to downsize, and I put that in quotes because we have not downsized, something in me changed and I relaxed and I had a team that I fully trusted, which I had never had. And I started seeing my staff as people, if that makes sense, and not as employees that needed to get the job done every single day and started opening myself up to them more and sharing with them why I was, why I wanted to make the move. And guys, I'm struggling. I have anxiety, I have depression. I'm stressed all the time. And I think them seeing me as a human also helped. And yeah, I think that people. So our new location is in. It is in a historic house. It's the cutest little cottage. It's a cute little porch. And people come in and they feel this energy that is very homey, and it's positive. We are all laughing and joking around with each other, and they feel. They feel that energy. And there has been this shift with me, and I do think that people are feeling that. And every single customer that comes in, new or old, will say, I love how it feels in here. And that best. I mean, when people say that, it makes me so happy because they can see that I'm happy and that my staff is happy, and that means the world. And when I. Like I said to you, we. I came here fully expecting my business numbers or the sales numbers to go down considerably because of the area in it not being a high traffic area, but we are up 30% from last year. And that is amazing. I have one location. I don't have the pop up, and we are doing extremely, extremely well. And I'm so proud of it. And I'm proud of where I've come from. Where I've come from.

Oh, man, that's so good. I just hope that everybody listening takes a moment and really hears that point that bigger doesn't have to mean better, but efficient is better. Right. And happy is better and clear is better and positive is better. If there's anyone listening that's a business owner and they're considering say opening their first brick and mortar or having a pop up or opening a second location or feeling like they have to expand to keep up for some reason. What are some like suggestions you would give them in terms of like a checklist that you would walk through before you made the leap into that location?

That is a good question because I'm not the best at really thinking things through. They're kind of like, dive head in. But in hindsight, can you afford it? I know that we, we think that we can make sales and make numbers happen, but can you really afford. Is it worth the stress? Is the comparison game or the thought in your head of this is where I should be, so I'm just going to do it. Is that worth the stress? And think about your overhead costs and staffing. Staffing is a huge stress and at least it has been for me. And finding people that you really trust and they're going to love the store as much as you, are you going to be able to find that? And are you really ready to dedicate 100% of your life to a brick and mortar? Because a brick and mortar is a whole different ball game.

Absolutely. Such good points. What about whether, you know, boutique owner or you know, just someone in general listening to your story? What about ways that you found to take care of yourself now or how do you know now that you're reaching a point where you're like, okay, Marie, you need to take a step back and take of care a break. Are there things that you are consciously aware of on a daily basis that you think others could be as well?

Yes. Still in therapy and you and I spoke about this a bit. I am seeing a wonderful therapist that is kind of untraditional. She is traditional therapist for about an hour and a half and we do talk therapy. And then after we have talk therapy, she does chakra cleansing. And I know that sounds a little woo woo to some people, but for me it works. And it's essentially cleansing your energy and any blocked energy that's happening in your body. And I feel so much better after I do that. I do that about I used to go twice a week and I'm now going every other week. So I do that. And I think exercising is super important. Eating well is super important and taking care of yourself. I am. And my husband has been 100% on board with this. I have to take a bath every single night. And that has been Kind of my way to let go of the day, let go of what's of work and what's going on in my head. So that's kind of my escape every single day. And I, yes, I do still have triggers and I do, I do know when I need to take a break. I had one last night with my. Fighting with my six, six year old and I said, I need to go upstairs for a minute. And I could feel myself going to a place that I didn't want to go to. And I was getting really overwhelmed and saying, like, you are the worst mom. You can't handle this. You can't handle. Because at the same time I was working and trying to answer questions on Instagram with customers, and then my son is wanting my attention and I, you know, I had to step back and take a minute and I did about 15 minutes and just kind of went and did some breathing and that helps. And I was able to come back and be a mom and have my head in the game.

Yeah, it's such a good point because I think we all, anyone that's a mom, you know, and is pulled in a thousand different directions, especially with social media, and we feel like, because we have our phones, like, oh, it's nothing just to go answer those questions quick, or it's nothing to make myself available to my customers. But you're right, that pressure of being available in two places at once, that can really trigger you, trigger any of us to have those feelings. I think that's a really good point. Just to be aware of those situations and how to avoid them.

Definitely. And I am really struggling or have struggled with wanting to be there 100% all the time for my customers. And I have to put my phone away and I have to be there for my children and for myself and have that break. I will not lie. I struggle every single day. And there was one day last week where I said to my store manager, I need a break today. I'm feeling a lot of stuff happening and I'm getting really stressed. And she said, I'm going to take social media away from you today. And she did. And that was a great release for me. And release and. And I think that mental health journey is such a. It's always going to be a journey. And in a month, I'm going on a retreat by myself for a week to work on trauma because I still have a lot of. I still struggle with that. And I think that it's knowing when you need help and making sacrifices. I'm missing a very Big show that we are participating in to do this, but it was the only time of year, and I know that I need it for my business, for my family, for me. And so it's kind of just being really in tune with knowing what you need to make everything in your life better, not just your business.

I love that. All right, Marie, well, last question of the day. And this is always kind of the final question of the podcast. And I'm so glad that you came on, first of all, to have this conversation to raise awareness, to remove any negativity surrounding just being open and vulnerable about mental health and, you know, the challenge that so many people face on a daily basis but don't know where to turn or how to even raise their hand and say, I need help. So thank you for sharing your story, because I know that that's going to impact so many, so many people.

I hope that it does help people. I hope my story does resonate and that someone out there will find some sort of comfort from it.

Absolutely. So last question of the day kind of is on that same note. And it's, you know, someday when you are a grandmother, right, and your boys have kids and they're over at your house one day, right, sitting on your front porch and you're telling stories about the good old days and whatever has happened to pomp and circumstances, happened, sold, whatever you want to accomplish at the end of the day, and you're talking with your grandkids about the life that you lived and the legacy that you want to leave behind. What are the things that you hope your grandkids and people that have come in contact with you on your journey will remember the most about you and the life that you lived.

I hope that people will remember my heart and my kindness or remember me as a kind person and having an open heart, that is something that is super important to me, and it's something that I stress with my kids every day. And I think that's it. Just, I think being kind is the biggest blessing, and it can make or break somebody's day. So I think that just I want to be remembered as a kind person.

I love it. All right, Marie, well, thank you so much again for your time today. Thanks for being a member of the Hub since the very, very beginning, and thank you for sharing such a positive message with our audience.

Thank you, Ashley.

Hey, guys. I hope you enjoyed listening to this week's episode. I'm so appreciative to Marie for sharing her story with us, and I'm so happy to hear where Marie has come in her business. You know, I just want to chat for a second about being a business owner and how easy it is to get lost in this trap of comparison. And truly, comparison can be the thief of joy. So I'm so happy for Marie that she really took a look at her business and said, is this what works best for me? Because in today's age with social media, it's so easy to say, you know what, I should have a bigger brick and mortar or a second brick and mortar, or I should grow a massive warehouse and online business when really we can kill ourselves on the inside trying to keep up with that mental capacity and physical capacity that it takes to operate at that level. Guys, I hope if anything resonates with you today, it's that this business was created for your own freedom and flexibility and happiness. And it has to be something that serves you and your family and your personal goals, not what looks great on social media. You know, today, social media, I truly believe, does contribute to this issue that we're facing of mental illness and mental health. And I hope that together, by listening to this episode and as boutique owners, as women and men of influence, that we're able to share our stories with those who are in our own communities. Because you never know when taking a second to share your own story and lift the veil of the obstacles you faced in your life may be just what someone in your own community desperately needs to hear today. So I know by working together in community over competition like the Boutique Hub community does, I know that you can leave such a great impact on your own community and on the world around you. Thank you guys so much for being a part of the Boutique Hub, for supporting fellow boutique owners like Marie in moments when she needs it most. And I know when so many of you have needed it most, you've been there for one another. Thanks for listening to this episode, you guys, and thank you for raising awareness on mental health and the way that we all can live to support one another and the communities around us. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode. We hope that you loved it. Don't forget to hit subscribe and leave a rating and review down below for a chance to be one of our featured listeners each and every week. For more information on our spirit of community over competition and how to access complete show notes and bonus downloads from our guests, head on over to the boutiquehub.com and join the community. We'll see you next week.

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