Learning In The Messy and Speaking Your Dreams Out Loud

Hey guys.

What a treat you are in for today. I'm so excited about this one because my friend Lori Harder is on the podcast today. Many of you had a chance to meet Lori at the Boutique Summit this year or maybe you've heard her top podcast, Earn youn Happy. Lori is most notably right now the founder of a brand new company, a beverage company she's building called Light Pink. But she's also written many books and been so active in the personal development space for many of you. Many of you followed her for a long time. Lori is so incredibly generous, generous with the things that she shares and also incredibly transparent. It's one of the things I really appreciate the most about her. So today on the podcast, we're going behind the scenes in all the businesses and experiences Lori's had. She's sharing the highs, she's sharing the lows, and she's sharing some of the most common struggles that women she sees in business today are going through and how we can start to overcome them. I think she is one of the most generous and brilliant minds we have for women in business today. So we're so lucky to have her on the puck for her to share her wisdom. You guys get ready to meet my friend Lori Harder today on Boutique Chat. Let's talk about your business strategy and the juicy details of what actually works from mainstream fashion to fashion on Main street and the entire ecosystem behind it. How do we scale your company and do it with the balance and the happiness that we all seek? Let's hear from those insiders, experts and strategists that actually make it happen. I'm your host, Ashley Alderson from the Boutique Hub and I can't wait to chat. Hey guys. Welcome back to the podcast. This week we are live in video and in audio. However you want to view the podcast. But I'm so pumped. I feel like I have the Podcast Queen on the podcast today. Is that a fair introduction? Lori Harder, thanks so much for being here.

I love that phrase. I think that should be. I just. I'm going to take that as my new nickname. I'll take it.

Yes, the Podcast Queen.

I'm so, so excited to be here. Thank you for having me on.

Now, little known fact, you are Midwesty and I have a saying that Midwest is the best. And so I was wondering if we could squirrel on this for a minute. There's all these weird phrases, like I was telling you I was so busy before I came here, I won't even tell them that. I won't even say the phrase that I gave out loud. But there was a phrase that I was like, is that inappropriate to say these days? It feels like a very Midwest type of comment. So I was wondering, what are Midwest things You. You catch yourself saying that other people have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, my gosh. You know what's funny is I. Phrases didn't pop in my head, but what did pop in my head was pasties. Like, if I moved somewhere and asked for a pasty. Do you even know what that is? No, I think about.

Really, I'm thinking about pasties. Are you asking people about pasties? No.

So the food, the pasties. So it's a. It's a.

And this is.

Okay, see? Exactly. So growing up, it Upper Michigan, but also when I was in Wisconsin, everybody would. Everybody knew what a pasty was, which is. It's like wrapped in kind of a phyllo dough or like a dough, but it has, like, potatoes and meat and carrots in there. And you put ketchup on it. So growing up, I always had pasties. And when I moved somewhere, people were like, I don't even believe you. So they didn't believe me on that one. And then also, like, a turkey fryer is a really coveted Midwest thing to have.

That's true. I just.

I just remember sitting at a coffee shop when I was working at a coffee shop, and a guy came in and he was like, hey, yeah, it's almost Thanksgiving and we're gonna. We're gonna fry a turkey this year. So what are you gonna do with your turkey? You gonna fry it? It's like, no, I'm not, but. And deer hunting. Just hunting. And, you know, deer hunting cabins and like, the fact that in November, like, most of my friends husbands were all gone, and that was normal. And then I moved somewhere else and it's like, what are you doing for hunting season? Like, how are the girls gonna stay busy? Is Thunder down under coming to town or. No.

You're such a hunting widow in the Midwest. Under. From down under. I'm dying.

My husband doesn't hunt. But, you know, I knew that that's what all the other, like, people were doing.

So it's a very true thing. I. You nailed the accent too. Oh, you betcha. We're gonna go down. We're the fish fry and. Oh, yeah.

And we're gonna have an old fashioned Southern sweet. Yes, totally.

Oh, my gosh, I love it. Well, thank you for fulfilling my Midwest bucket for the day. We have so much. You were generous enough to join us at the Boutique Summit as a keynote speaker, which I know our audience absolutely loved having you on stage, and they want to hear more. We all want to hear more. We're fascinated by your story. You not only are a great speaker, you're an author, you have a top podcast, but you have so much more depth, I think, than any of us realize. You are such a gift. So take me back to the beginning. For those who don't, haven't had an opportunity to meet you yet, who don't know you yet, when you first felt like, all right, I'm onto something. I've got something I'm building here.

What was the very first part of.

Your story where you were like, I'm on the right track. I've got this going on.

Oh, I mean, you know, I am a late bloomer. So it's funny because people are like, you've had all of the success. But I have to tell you that a lot of that didn't even start until I was. I don't. Let's see. I'm thinking about winning fitness competitions. Probably the first moment that I was like, hey, I think I'm good at something, or I could do this. And that was. I think it was 27, so it didn't happen for me. And it's funny because now kids are so young, doing things and becoming so successful so young that really, it was in my 30s that I started thinking about businesses, like low 30s. So I just want to share that. And if you're older than that, it's never too late. I think that you can always start whenever because it is crazy what even a year or five years can do. It's mind blowing what you can do in a year. So I'll just bring you back. So I am from Upper Michigan, which is why I can also nail that accent, and grew up in a really small town. I had a great childhood, but also was raised in a religion where it was more restrictive. And I tell you that because I wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone else outside of the religion. So take a really small town and make your circle of influence and what you think the world looks like even smaller by taking a tiny town and then put only allow yourself to hang out with the hundred or so people that are in your congregation. And so with that, when I was a teenager, I started to work out because my whole family was overweight and we were constantly on diets. Actually went on my first diet at 8 years old and we started to work out. And what happened for me is that when I was working out, it was like, the first moments where you have those, like, glimpses of, you know, when you start moving your body and you get the blood going. Maybe you're on a walk or you're on a run. And when I started doing this consistently, it's like the wheels started going. I really call it like your first spiritual awakening is when you start working out consistently. It's like when your body starts acting as the vessel that you came here to be. And that's really what happens when you treat your body right and you're moving your body. So for me, as a teacher, teenager, I was like, whoa, wait a minute. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something big. That's all I got. Wish I could tell you what that big thing was. Never came to me till a little later. But as a teenager, I was kind of like, okay, all right. Maybe it would be cool to, you know, I love these fitness magazine covers, or I love these fitness magazines. Maybe I could be a cover model, because these women are in at that time, for me, it felt like they were saving my life, truly, because they were, like, my connection to the outside world and what was possible. I would read the articles on how they became a cover model, how they became an inspiration, how they were competing in fitness competitions, how they were becoming a fitness celebrity or how they were. And I would take that advice, and it would be like gospel for me. I would want to do exactly what they were doing. Because I thought that if you looked that way, that you must feel confident. And I felt anything but confident in my life at the time. And I thought that you must be able to do anything if you looked that way. Right? Like, we look at these. These magazines, and that's what we think at the time. And at the time, you know, Ashley, like, it's still. It's fairly new, all of this completely behind the scenes of everyone's life on social media. Like, back then, you did not get any of that. You just. It was glossy. You thought everyone was perfect. You didn't know what was actually going on behind the scenes. So for me, I guess that was the first thing that I thought, maybe I could do this. Like, maybe if I work out enough. And because I already had the story that I wasn't smart enough at that time, and we can go a little bit into that. I was like, maybe if I work out enough and look this way, that this could be a path for me. If I don't think I'm smart enough, like, Maybe I can learn all of these things about the body and about working out. Because that was something I was interested in. And at the time I was like, well, I'm failing at math, I don't know how to do X, Y and Z in science. And that was kind of the moment for me because I started to understand working out and it was something that really lit me up. So I think that was the very first moment of maybe I'm onto something here. I'm really excited about it, I'm starting to see results. And that kind of started the path on a few other things as I moved out.

Tell me about your next businesses you created that catapulted you. And we've got businesses, we have a book, we've got all these things. Talk to me about what came next and we'll come back to kind of the other hiccup in the road as well.

Okay. So when I was 18, I moved out and I'm just going back here to tell you that I did go crazy for a little while and it was fitness that brought me back to self because did the whole drinking, drugs, all of that fun stuff for a little while that had that moment where thankfully you just, it's. It's like that call in your soul gets louder and louder and louder and you start feeling more and more miserable and you actually start feeling a lot more pain. And I'm just saying that because I feel like somebody listening is resonating with that. And it was, it's when your soul knows you are meant to do something bigger. And I was like, I can't keep living this life. So what's the only thing that I know right now that maybe I could go back to, to make me feel better and get on track. And it was really fitness that saved my. Just felt like it totally saved my life. So I got back into fitness and I was like, just do that thing that makes you feel good. Just reach for that one thing that you know is going to make you feel a little bit better right now. So started getting into the fitness a little bit more and opened a. So worked at An LA Fitness for a year making $6 per 30 minute session. Opened a gym because I started telling my clients when I worked at LA Fitness that I wanted to open my own gym. And this is one first big lesson for everybody is if you don't tell people what you want to do, your dream is just your best kept secret. That will never happen. So that's when I started proclaiming what I wanted to do and I put that together really fast. O. Oh. If I say this out loud, it not only holds me accountable, but somebody has my answer. So it's never a what right. It's not, what should I do? What should I do? What should I do? Sometimes you need to ask that, but it's always, who? Who do I need to tell? Or who do I need to get this done? Who do I need to ask? Who's already done this? And that was a huge moment of, okay, speak it out loud and someone is going to have your answer who could also help you, even if you don't know what to be doing at this time. So Fast Forward opened that gym and started training. Women. Learned really quickly within a year that no matter how much I made them work out, if they weren't eating right, I could not change what they wanted to change. And if they weren't thinking what, hold on. That was the second step. So got into a network marketing company because I tried making meal plans. So I took the classes, did all the things, wrote a cookbook. I mean like, self published the cookbook and thought that this was gonna help my clients. And while it did, it didn't really help in the way that I wanted because I'm asking already busy women with kids to go and eat three to five meals a day. And they were like, you're insane. And it's in the Midwest. So it was even harder. The conversation wasn't really out there of really eating healthy yet and the food is less accessible. It's just the truth. And so I thought, okay, this is not working in the way that I want, which means I'm not getting the results I want for them and the results that they want. So that's when I got into network marketing that had just, I could say, here, have this for the day and then eat this at night, you know, and it was just prepackaged things that were so much easier. Started seeing some really big results with that, not only in their lives, but I had a massive transformation in my life. Decided once I saw that transformation, I had somebody that I was training who was from the network marketing company. And one day she ended up showing me her check that she made in one week. Okay. @ this time, I was putting together that my time, I was trading time for money. And if I wanted to make more money, I had to spend more time at my gym. I was already spending all the time that I could. I was tired, I was super in debt. Right before this, my husband and I, he was on a great trajectory in his Career in a corporate career for a while. And right before this, my husband had lost his job. Actually, the bank that he worked for had shut down. And this was in 2007. So we all know what happened happened in 2007. There was a big crash. He lost his job, we lost our house, we lost our cars. And we were. I had opened that gym in hopes of kind of like digging ourselves back out. We were $300,000 in debt in 2007. That was like $7 million to me.

Yeah.

And in the Midwest as well. And so that is when, like I said, I opened the gym. But then the woman showed me her paycheck for the week and it was $13,000. I didn't. I was like, are you selling drugs? Because I have never seen money like this. And she was like, no, I'm literally selling what you are taking from me. Like, what, what you had your transformation on. And I was like, I'm desperate. Show me how. And at this point, you know, my parents had done network marketing growing up and I was repulsed by it. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't even tell people that I had been using it like for the year. I had told my, like, close clients and I was like, I'm not trying to sell you. I just want you to get results. Like, really, you don't have to. If you don't get results in two weeks, don't take it, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. So network marketing was my biggest teacher in sales and being unapologetic about something that you love. And I really had to wrap my brain around learning how to share and ask, like, share what you love and just be so authentic that it oozes from your soul. Like, really allow yourself to share what you love and why. And then also you can share all you want about your vision and what you love. And we can share about, you know, our boutiques and why we love clothes and all of the things. But if we don't, like ask people to come or ask people for the sale or ask people, you know, why it's important to shop from women owned businesses or small business, it's not going to work. So that was really a huge, huge teacher for me. I highly recommend anyone who is worried about, you know, selling or asking or doesn't know how, like start in a small network marketing company and just like get your feet wet on how to do that. So from there, what ended up happening was, you know, we got the women who I was training, now the workouts, we got them the food and now that we did that, guess what happens? They are cracked wide open to big visions.

Yeah.

This is insane. So I got to like say I got to watch them go, I think I want, you know, this great body or I want to start working out because I want to look like this. Okay, we did that. But we can't do it if you don't have the food. So then they get the food and then all of a sudden we're like, okay, now they want to do more, but they realize they also can't do more if they don't change their mindset and they don't have a vehicle to do it with. And so this just like blew my mind wide open at how this, I could see like this whole, these whole steps come going along of how a transformation in a person works and what they need along that transformation. So we can, we can chat about that too. But that's really when I started getting into, not only sharing the business of network marketing with them, but as I, as I was moving through that, I wanted to get into personal development because I couldn't help these women go out and do the big dream if we didn't get to that or change their body or stick with the food long term, if we didn't get to the core belief that was actually maybe causing the weight gain or causing the anxiety or causing them to stay at this job that they freaking hate or with a partner that they can't stand, or what is this belief that they're not looking at? And that really threw me into personal development. Connecting women to other women, connecting people to each other and getting what they need, or healing their past, all of those things. So that got me into personal development for a really long time. Writing books, speaking at events. And then from there it was just, what is the next big thing that could challenge me? Because I've learned that in order to be a happy human, it's not just about doing the things that we love, but also being challenged in a way that helps us evolve into our highest self. And that was really what got me into starting this new company, Light Pink, which is a rose spritz and a non alcoholic rose spritz, where I've had to become a totally different woman once again in order to raise money and in order to go down the path of consumer product goods, which I have never done before, put myself in rooms with people that I've never met before because they have different knowledge than me. So many unique pivoting points in my life.

I want to come back. I have so many things I want to talk about with light pink, because when I think about the project you're working on, it is such a culmination of all these different things you've done in such an authentic light. So I want to come back to that. But let's go back to the women that you're helping and as you were uncovering the, like, the mindset challenges they had to overcome. What do you think are the three most common mindset shifts that women, especially women in business, need to make?

They think they have to do it themselves. Like, if they don't know or have the skill set, that they have to learn it. And that is a huge. That is going to hold you back so hard because you won't have the time to learn everything. And another one is that they have to look perfect and they're supposed to know everything. Like, they're just supposed to, like, come out of the gates looking really good and having everything done and the perfect, like, logo and website. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, if you can't launch messy, you're never gonna make it. Like, you're never. You can't. You have to learn in the launch, right? Like, you have to learn in the mess, and that's the only way to get to the place that you want to go. Ashley, there are so many, like, it's fear of success, fear of outshining, fear of looking, looking like you're extra looking. Having your family think that you are selfish. It's usually our loved ones, right? And our friends. For women, it's like, I don't want them to think I'm too good for them or that I don't have time for them. That's huge with women. Like, one wrong thing said by our best friend or our mom, and we're willing to pay. Like, that's the cost of our dreams. We're like, no, you can have our dreams. It's okay. We'll stay resentful and we'll stay small. So that's huge.

Let's unpack each of those because I can see in and everyone who I know is listening today because I hear from them every single day on the gram. Like, oh, my gosh, this was me. Let's unpack that. Because I feel like I've also walked through all three of those myself at one point.

Same.

Let's start with the do it all. That was the first one you mentioned. The thought, like, we're. I've got this saying on my computer, and it says, are you the Bottleneck of your business? The answer is, nine times out of 10, it's yes, I am the bottleneck of the business. How have you and how have you seen other people move through that process of letting go and not feeling like they have to do it all to succeed? What's the habit? Or how can they support themselves to get out of that?

I think first you have to hear this from women who are doing it. So I think it's really. That's why I love that you have a podcast, especially in your field, where people can go and listen specifically about it and hear you say, am I the bottleneck of my business? Nine times out of my. Out of 10, yes. And I think until we hear more women say, you're not supposed to know it all. And here's how to be a CE is to not do it all and actually know or, like, learn how to find the people that you need to cover the skills that you don't know. And in the beginning, this is hard because you don't always have the money to do that. You don't even know who to ask. And this is a huge bottleneck, too. So you might be listening to this if you're new saying, okay, that's great, I'm willing to find. I'm willing to figure this out. But at the same time, I don't even know what I need first. And that's a really big one, right? Like, I don't even know what I need. And let's just go to the very, very beginning of that, because if you're in your business and you're like, oh, my gosh, I don't have anyone in my business yet. I don't even know who would that. Who that would be. The first thing you can do is look at the tasks that are holding you back the most. For a lot of you, it might be a babysitter for your kids. For some of you, it might be someone to literally just clean your house once a week because you find that you are actually completely stopping everything you're doing because your house is such a mess, and you find yourself cleaning instead of working on the thing that you should be doing. And that sounds so basic, but it was a huge thing for me, like, freeing myself up enough to get that time that I need to work on the business, to schedule it to work on the business. So that's really big is saying, where is my time being wasted the most on something that I'm not good at? In the beginning, I actually traded my training, so I traded personal Training for someone to help me who could edit documents for me because I had started an online workout program. So while I had my gym, I told you that I was like, bottle. I was essentially like, I'm trading time for money. How could I make more money? And I had also started an online program, but I did not. I didn't know how to put, like, a PDF together. I was a terrible editor. I knew nothing. So one of my clients, like I told you, like I told everyone before, like, I was speaking into what I wanted to do, she was like, hey, I. Do you need someone? Like, I could do that for you. And I was like, well, I would love it, but I can't pay you, but I could trade you.

Yeah.

So I ended up training her, like, half of her sessions for free for her to do, like, a bunch of my monthly program documents. And that's how I first got started in. And from there, I was asking her what all her capabilities were, and she was like, I can do this, this, this, this. I was like, okay, I'll give you another session if you could do this for me. So she still works with us. That's like, this is like 16 years later, and she still does stuff for our company. I know you have a similar story like that, which is so cool. So that's really, like, the main stuff that I see is it's the small stuff that holds us back a lot. Like, I tried to do some of my own web stuff for a long time and ended up taking me so long, and I ended up wrecking it. I should have just saved my money and paid for it or learned how to barter something or sold something in the DMs that, you know was small in order to pay for something else. I don't know. Like, there are so many ways to get scrappy, to start paying for someone who's better than you, faster than you, and smarter than you in. In a certain area, man, that is ce.

Like, I talk about this all the time, Lori. And I think I even talked about this on your podcast, CEO versus Entrepreneur mindset.

Yes.

And just like, what that scale is, and I feel like the biggest difference in the two is, like, a CEO values time more than they value money. Money's infinite times not. So how do you start to leverage what you can to create more time, which should, in turn create a lot more money. But it's such a. Such a process.

I love that conversation about time. You know, time being, like, your most important asset. But also, I think a lot of people get stuck in doing things that also don't bring them energy. So they're like, well, I can do it and I am good at it, but if it is draining you, I've spent a couple years super guilty. Well, more than that. But even recently, a couple years doing things where I'm like, well, I can do it. Why would I hire somebody else out to do this if it's something that I can do? Except the things that will bring the most money into my company, where I am at my highest energy are a lot of the things that get neglected. Like, let's just say speaking and writing books and doing podcasts. Like, those are where my energy is the highest. That's where I bring in the most money for my company. So I would be best off now getting even more fierce with my time and saying, where can I hire all of these things that even though I'm good at them, it's not for the highest good of the company in my energy. So the highest good of the company I do this with my CFO team is amazing. We actually put energy at the top. So the highest good of the company where I can bring in the most money is where I am, like, vibrating at the highest energy. Meaning you're the most excited. You feel the best doing that thing. Don't get me wrong. Doesn't mean I don't want to bang my head against the wall while I'm in the middle of writing a book and feel like I have no energy for it some days. But if we're really looking at the overall picture of those other places, so that's another place, as you guys all continue to grow on, your journey is to really start looking at where are you giving your energy to? Because energy can actually expand time. And I know you know this, Ashley. Like, if you have a lot of energy and you're coming to one of those projects with a lot of energy, it'll get done in half the time, if not less.

Right.

It's kind of like that idea where let's say you have a big task and it's coming up in two weeks. Weeks, and you're like, oh, I should sit at my computer all day. Because I. This is what I. It'll take to get this task done. Is it? Or should you actually go, like, spend some time out in nature? Should you actually go on a walk and listen to a podcast? Should you go on a girlfriend vacation that recharges you, and all of a sudden you sit back down, you're so freaking inspired because you've been out in the world doing things that recharge you, that the work gets done in a couple hours rather than a couple weeks.

Weeks.

I've had that experience over and over and over. And you're. You will sabotage yourself into telling yourself that you should sit and grind and, you know, feel like it's hard. I shouldn't feel that way all the time.

Yeah, that's so good. And that goes right back to health and wellness and all those things too. Like if you. I know people always say this and I'm like, oh, it sounds so hokey. If I work out, I'll have more energy. Well, it's true, right? Somehow though, in my crazy brain, that's the first thing that gets cut when I'm busy. And I know it's just like I'm cutting off my own legs out from underneath me, but just like self deprecating big time. Lesson number two was learn in the messy. Learning the messy. Talk to me about that because I feel like that hits at the beginning of business, but that also to me resonates when I think about social media and this silly game of perfection everybody's playing. And also when you go to school, you're taught, I should have a business plan, I should have all these things done and perfect. But really it's get your MVP up and run with it. What does learn in the messy mean for you? How can people work through that?

You know, I want to share just because you said everyone feels like you should have everything dialed in and have your business plan. And I never learned this more clearly than when I launched Light Pink. It was supposed to, you know, have my deck in this thing called financial modeling. Like what your whole plan is for your company for the next three years. Okay, so let's try planning for a company that I've never done that I have no idea about in a space I have no clue about that I've never. No concept based off of just like maybe some other comps that I'm looking up. But nobody's really going to be like you or launch the same way. And you're supposed to put this all on paper. You guys. Like, this is insane. So you probably, I hope I'm relating to you going, if you're thinking of starting a new business that you've never started before, I feel you so hard right now, you know, so you put something together and it feels like a crazy lie and you go and you pitch it and you. Let's just, I'll just share that. When I was raising money, like you're supposed to go and pitch based off of this concept you pulled out of thin air. So can you imagine going into a room? This is probably like opening. Like when you're about to go open your store or ask for a bank loan or ask your family for some help or whatever, it looks like you're essentially asking for money or pitching an idea that doesn't exist yet. Like, this is how everything works and everything feels it's not real. You are the only person that knows or sees the vision. And the vision constantly changes. So I had a woman the other day say that she was writing her financial modeling and doing her pitch deck, and she was like, this is just taking me forever. I'm being held back because I. I can't get the numbers exact. I don't know what to put on there. I'm like, you will never know what it's supposed to look like, and it will never be perfect until you get it out into the world. Like, there's actually no way to know all of these things until you get it out there. So what we all have to do is move forward with the best of our knowledge. That's it. You gather as much as you possibly can. And once you're like, oh, it's actually impossible to know. Like, there's actually no way to know what my business is is going to look like. There's actually no way to know what is the right move until I get out there and it's revealed to me because I'm already launched and I'm on the path. And I will also tell you that the only way to know your next step is typically to take a wrong step. So, yeah, you know, I think about someone on a path, and let's just say you're blindfolded, but the path is rocky. And you know, when you're off the path, there's like, tall grass. Okay. If you're blindfolded, this is essentially like us going on this path. The only way to know when you're not on your path anymore is because you hit the tall grass. So you kind of like detour and you get back on the rocks, and then you keep walking forward. And the only way to know you're off the path is to hit the tall grass. So you detour and you get back on the rocks. That's exactly how it is when you're launching your business. You will not know what is for you until you hit what is not. And this is why everybody does not move forward, is because you have to hit a lot of what is not for you in order to know what is. And there's. I wish I could tell you there's another way, but it's. Everybody who has ever had a business will agree with me on that. You just. You don't know. You don't even know who you are out in the world yet. I, like, I don't even know who I am as a CEO fully yet in this new company at all. Like, every single day, I'm learning. Oh, that's how I thought I wanted to be. But I actually have to be this way. You know, I thought that I could do business in this way, but I actually have to show up in this energy for these certain calls. And it's not until I made big mistakes and lost money, and I don't know who hasn't lost money running a business, but they're all not telling you the truth. Everybody loses money. Everybody does something where they feel like such a failure that they have so much shame that they're a bad business person. And honestly, the people who are good business people are the ones who go and figure out what lesson came from that thing. Talk about it with another person who's in business. Hey, how do you think I could have come at this differently? How would I come at this differently? You know, how do I avoid this next time? What does this look like? The most epic business owners in the world have had the most epic failures, and they can see them coming now. They know what to do, they know what not to do. They know who to be involved in business, and they know who they are in the world and who they are not. And I think that's even more important is to know, you know, who you're not and who you're not going to try. Try to morph into. Yeah, Ashley, I've, like, tried to, like, change myself so many times, and that's one of the biggest lessons I've learned is don't change yourself. Don't change your content, don't change your talk, don't change your business, don't change your style for someone else. Don't change your product. They'll try to get you to change it as you're launching. Don't change your book title. Don't change any of those things if that is the thing that is moving you forward, because you will not have enough authentic energy to push that vision forward if you. If you take someone else's opinion or vision for your life.

Oh, my gosh, that is so powerful. That's so powerful. And that's. We've got to talk more about light, light pink because let's just peel this one more layer back in case anyone doesn't know this. So when. When we were having lunch in Arizona and you and Chris were talking about, like, here's why we're doing this, like, not only are we starting this company, but women weren't traditionally in this room. And so you're like, I'm going to step into this room and bring everyone along with me so that I can show them and we can learn together. And I'm okay not knowing, but being transparent in that process. That takes a really brave person to do that, to say, I'm okay with not knowing. I'm okay with leading, even though I may not know. Right. And we're going to learn it together. And it's okay if there's failures along the way, but we're going to make. Make them successes in the end. Talk to me about that journey of starting light pink for that reason and bringing other, other women along with you.

First of all, lunch was so much fun. It was so fun to get to know you and hang out with you guys. I just love your brains and your business so much. So fun to chat. Secondly, yes, it really was. It's a business where I saw the opportunity to create a new room that women could go, go and learn in. And this came because I loved, you know, I loved everything that I was doing. I had gotten to do the personal development events, I've gotten to speak, I'd gotten to write the book. I'd gotten to do the network marketing. I'd gotten to run successful, like, fitness companies. And I had reached all the things that I had planned for my life. I didn't plan too, too far. I didn't realize that I would kind of figure out which we can chat about. I kind of figured out a little bit of a formula to just, like, make sure that you go for it. And I was like, oh, my God. I checked off these boxes and I didn't plan for after that. And so I spent a year of my life asking, if I had all the time and all the money in the world, what would I. In all the network in the world, what would I be doing? Like, what is fun for me? Because I'd really fun is like, my North Star. I'm a Sagittarius. I've always, like, when I was eight years old, I was writing funny personal ads and performing with them and like, reading them in my living room for my family. And I was like, how did I get so Damn serious. Like, I just. I got really serious for a large portion of my life because. Because people weren't taking me serious, so I thought I had to be serious. And I was. Honestly, I did a lot of those things, and it was great, and I loved what I did, but I did them in such a serious fashion that there was a large chunk of my life, about seven years that I can honestly say I don't know if I enjoyed it. Like, that's crazy, because I was like, oh, I'm not smart enough. I have to be serious. Like, yeah. I don't want them to find out that maybe I'm not smart, so I can't be too goofy or have too much fun or whatever that looks like. And so anyway, I was like, this time I'm having fun. So what would be fun? Like, who do I want to be with at. I don't want to do this alone. And that's really where light pink came from was. I was like, wait. Oh, I love celebrating. I love connecting women. I love, like, celebrating, you know, life or accomplishments over cocktails with friends. And I love champagne. It feels so celebratory and fun. And I feel like the conversation's always fun. I love just business in general. And sometimes my girlfriends and I'll go out for wine, and we just get lost in these great conversations. And I was like, like, God, that would be fun to have, like, a champagne brand or a wine brand. And immediately I was like, you can't do that. What are you thinking? That's so stupid. You know nothing about the beverage industry. You're in personal development. What will people think? Like, that was a really big thing, because at the time, it was. It was, like, a big thing to, like, not be drinking. If you're in spirituality or personal development, there's just a blip of that. And I was like, oh, my gosh. This, like, goes against what this community thinks. And. And, like, they think I might be, like, forcing people to drink. I was like, all of these. I just want to share what goes through your brain, actually. Like, I was like, people think I'm forcing people to drink. Then I was like, but is it authentic to you? Do you have cocktails on the weekend and enjoy it? I was like, yes, I've done this forever. Like, yeah, and women are connecting over cocktails. Except what's happening is we're connecting over cocktails, but we're leaving most networking events or relieving most parties, which I'm sure you've experienced this, too, without the connections that we want and we're feeling kind of empty and maybe we feel a little hungover the next day and we're like, I've got goals. I can't be going to all of these social things where I don't get what I need and I don't feel great the next day. So I thought, what if I created something that was lighter in all regards, that tasted really good because everything light to me tasted like crap at the time. And I still don't think there's a lot of great options for women, especially if you love wine or something lighter and made it like a place to connect. Like, put three questions on the back of the can that are tried and true. I did these at my event we did these questions at my event for like eight years that are tried and true that if you ask these questions, you will not leave either without an answer, a new awareness, or a new connection. And so we put three questions on the back of the can in order to blame the can on the awkward, deep questions that you're asking.

I love.

In order to get what you need out of that specific moment. And then just to tie it all up, you know, bringing it back to the beginning where I wanted to get women into rooms that maybe they had not been in before at this time, before I started light pink, I started kind of like switching gears a little bit on who I was hanging out with. Because before this, I talk a lot about creating or going into the rooms where people have done what you want to have done already. So I was hanging out with a lot of people who had written books. I was hanging out with a ton of people in the personal development realm. I was hanging out with a lot of podcasters and this was amazing. It furthered my career more than I can tell you because they were ahead of me. I learned so much from them. But I was starting to get the itch for either like a physical product or something really, like something that could. And I'll be so just like honest, here I'm watching my husband's friends sell companies for hundreds of millions of dollars while I'm in a conversation with women in my industry who are in the six figure realm to seven figure realm. Burnt out. Yeah, they are. You know, I had one woman I went to dinner with, she was speaking at like 180something events that year. People are writing a book a year, they're exhausted, they're going on tour, people are selling E course after e course and launch, launch, launch, launch, launch. And they just feel like they can't like, they can't make more money than, like, what they're already doing. They felt maxed out and tired. And I was like, I would ask my husband this on walk. I'm like, walks. I was like, how do people make the really big money, like hundreds of millions? How do they make multi millions? You know, even 10 million, 20 million? Like, how are people doing this? And how are people selling companies? Like, what does this look like? And he's like, you should just start coming to dinner with, like, me and my friends. So I did. I literally was like, great, I'm going to coffee with, you know, let's book a coffee date with him. He just, you know, has this company that's valuated at $100 million. Let's go to college. Let's try to get coffee with this guy. Let's see if this person will go to dinner. I want this person on the podcast. And what started happening is I just started learning about what that looks like, how you raise money. You know, how they unapologetically ask how these men don't feel like they have to know everything. The conversations that they're having and the phrases that they go into these meetings with asking for what they need that allow them to feel like they can ask even though they actually don't know what the hell is going on either. I just learned a lot about how men work in business. And, you know, I started getting to do this with women as well, but it started here because my husband was helping me connect with all of these people and these connections that he had. And that was the epiphany that I was like, oh, my God, Ashley. Like, none of my friends are talking about this. They don't even know it's on the table. They don't even think it's a possibility because they don't feel smart enough. While I'm simultaneously talking to this guy who knows less or is less educated or has less of a background than all of these women I know. And just is it in the right groups of people telling him that he can or connecting him to the people who can? And by no means is this like a man versus woman. These men, like, opened the door for me, and we have to. Now, if you are a woman who gets to be on the inside, maybe because of your husband or because of the way that the circles that you are in or the companies that you're in, like, it is our responsibility to then hold the door, which is a huge phrase in light pink, is to, like, kick the door open and hold it for the woman behind you. Because we have to get more women into the conversation or it's never going to change or women are not going to get funded. They're not going to get the money because I can't. Here's the thing is, when I was pitching light pink, you know, I was pitching it to just people who had money at first. So I was pitching to a lot of men or who I knew could fund. And so I was pitching to a lot of men and they did not get it. And this was a moment for me that instead of being angry, I wanted to step in their shoes of why they were not interested. And I was like, oh, they're not interested because they don't need this and they're not feeling the same way that I am. That would be like, let's bring the Midwest back. That would be like if a bunch of guys from the Midwest who fly fish all the time sat at a table where I had the money and they were asking me for my money and said, hey, we have got this new hip waiter technology and you're going to be able to stay in the river for two extra hours and come home with. With even more fish. I'd be like, I am so sorry. I know that this is probably life changing for all fly fishermen out there, but I'm not passionate about it and I'm not gonna see how I can help you, like, move the needle. And so I was like, oh, my God, you are asking the wrong people. Like, you're trying to convince people who do not get it to get it. And that was when I said, this is what we do all the time, don't we? We, we tell our dreams to the wrong audience. And that's when I was like, I gotta get my. But the other, other audience. And if it's going to take more to help educate them, if it's going to cost me more money to raise money from them because they don't know the ins and outs of it. Like, I'm really committed to this journey of helping us all while me simultaneously learning a little bit of the blind, leading the blind on this. In the beginning, it really was because it was like, gosh, I only know a little bit more than they do.

Yeah.

And they're going to ask the questions they need, which is going to help me learn because it's going to. I'm going to have to go find those answers. And that's how I learned. It was like conversation after conversation on, you know, raising money for light Pink. I raised $2 million from. From 54 women. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. And I am a different woman on the other side because of all of their questions. Helped me learn everything. Because they would ask a question and I'd say, I don't know that yet, which I call a freedom phrase. When I would get on the phone, I would say, I don't know the answer yet, but I'm going to get it for you tomorrow or the next day. And just know that on this journey, this is how I'm always going to be. You will always get your answer, and I will always figure it out. It may not be that day, but I will do it. And a lot of people ended up investing in me because they were in some savvy investors as well, had said to me one of the biggest compliments, and I hope this frees everybody up. They said, you know, the only reason I invested in you is because of your willingness to not pretend to know the answer and to bring me my answer immediately after. And it was like, one of the coolest things I've ever heard in my life because it just gave me complete freedom to never have to know and to always just be the person who is willing to find the answer and share that. I don't know.

I have goosebumps hearing you say that, because. So I was telling you before we started to record today that I did not realize a certain part of your story until you spoke at the Boutique Summit, which I'll let you speak about in a second. But knowing that and hearing you say me not knowing the answer, like, creates this freedom, right? And it creates trust. And the level of authenticity is off the charts to me. That's just, like, so full circle about the purpose of your life and what an impact and how freeing that is going to be for not just the 54 women, but anybody who has any type of touch point with you through the podcast, through any of this. Like, I just think that's remarkable. So from this point, from creating this company, bringing everybody in on the backside, being okay with not knowing things. Take me back to the very, very beginning of this story and the thing you talked about at the summit, that is a new thing that you started to share with people.

So, you guys, I literally, just last year, I started sharing this, which is insane. I did not graduate high school. I do not have a diploma. I do not have a ged. Yeah, none of it. And for a long, long time, like, normally, even in the beginning, when I would share that, I'd just be sick to my stomach. I would be like, oh, my gosh, they're gonna regret their decision in doing anything with me. They're never gonna do anything with me. This is gonna be out on the Internet. This is gonna be like, I will be ruined.

Right? Like that.

That's the story I told myself. That's sometimes the story we tell ourselves about things. Right. If they find this out, I will be ruined. I'll never be able to do anything again. Except when I started sharing this, I found that majority of people have a little bit of a shame secret that they're carrying. And I say that just because if you have something like this or, you know, it's definitely especially for women like that, I'm not smart enough. I have to know it all. I have to look perfect. Oh, my goodness. Times are changing. The more that you share about the truth of who you are, where you are from, and what you're carrying, the more people will resonate with you because there is a massive group of people waiting for your story to free themselves. And for me, this. It's you guys. I did not even tell my husband until, like, one year of marriage in that I did not graduate high school.

Really?

No, no. So great.

So this is a casual dinner, convers conversation.

Yeah. One day I just, like, broke down because, you know, like, you're. It will eat you alive. Like, eat you alive. And so I'll never forget, he was, like, sitting in a chair, and I went over like. Like, and sat by the ottoman and just started bawling. And he was like, what? And I'm like, I have to tell you something, but I think you're gonna leave me. So he for sure was like, she cheated on me. She did all these things, whatever. And so it. And I mean, if there was something like that, great, you guys, if someone's carrying that, get it out there. But with that said, just meaning, like, there. It's so much. There's so much relief on the other side. Like, I told him. So when he said that, I was like, oh, well, it's not that. So maybe this is okay. So I told him, and he's like, okay, is there anything else? But now you're gonna leave me? And that's how it felt. Like, really? I thought he was gonna be like, this is, like, too big to get over that you lied to me on this. And it was nothing. It was literally nothing. He was like, why would I care about that? Like, literally, you are. He's like, you're. You're so smart. You're capable, you're great at your jobs. And this was huge because it was holding me back from doing anything and everything because I was like, oh, my God, if I go and apply for this job and he finds out or the employer finds out, I will be totally honest that I do believe I'm watching. I'm watching the Netflix Uber show. Well, I just finished it. And then I'm also watching we crashed, but the WeWork show. And you know, I love watching shows on, like, big founders, because in the Uber show, he. He essentially like, changed laws in order for his company to come out. So he actually ran his company illegally, like, doing things. I'm not saying this is a good thing. I'm saying he literally functioned. And a lot of companies do in a way that maybe doesn't work or is not working yet or while simultaneously trying to change the law, but launched in a certain way. Meaning, you know, a lot of times we have to do things in business and ask for forgiveness later. What's the phrase? I believe just like, I can't remember what the exact phrase is, but it is something like, like launch and ask for forgiveness. And that can mean many things. Like, you know, you might be doing. You might not have things like perfectly dialed in in your videos, or you might not your product completed yet, but maybe you're starting ticket sales even though you know you're going to deliver your product on time. There's a million things that people think that they need to be doing, you know, perfectly, but it's like asking forgiveness later and just getting it out there. Yeah. I want to share this really quick because I, I hope that this frees people up as well. Going off of that, Brendon Bouchard, who I know that you know as well, was talking about how he launched his first course. I don't know if you've heard this story, but this was such freedom for me. I was launching courses.

Yeah.

Have you heard this one?

I think so. Go on with it.

Yeah, he was speaking on, I think like one of his first big stages or doing like a speaking gig. And the person before him had spoken and he was. He was sharing his course with the audience. He was launching his course and, like, making great sales. And he was like, oh, my gosh, I don't have anything to launch and I'm missing. I'm about to miss a huge opportunity because I'm about to. To go and speak on stage. So he was like, okay, what am I speaking on? What does this audience need? What could I create once I get back, but sell right now.

Yeah.

And he ended up launching a course that never existed, that moment that he thought that they needed and went home. Or he sold it, collected the money, went home and created it, and delivered on time on the date.

Oh, my God.

Now.

Yes.

This was so insane for me because, number one, I was like, you can do that. Number two, I learned that it worked so well that a lot of people started operating that way because they got to see what the audience needed, maybe after speaking or filling out a form, and then craft the course around exactly what they needed and then deliver it on a date that's down the road. Like, hey, this is starting in three months. This is when it will be. You can join the Facebook group group for right now, get all of your R and D and data, and then create exactly what they want instead of creating what you think that they want based off of not necessarily knowing. And it's just. That's how it is. I think this goes full circle to, you know, talking about just not graduating and not being perfect and, God, the stories that we tell ourselves about what we think it's supposed to be and what we think people know. And, you know, sometimes we look at people. People and we're like, oh, my God, they must be so brilliant. They must know everything in their company. And it's like, no, they have. They are surrounded by geniuses. They may never even look at that thing that you think you have to look at every day. They may never even have to make many decisions on that thing because they have somebody who knows how to do all of the bookkeeping and numbers and accounting and taxes and all of those things. Like, you don't have to do the things that you are not good at. You can't move forward without making that first step and without making those mistakes. It's just rewiring your brain around it and getting in the right rooms with other people who are also doing what you're doing so that when you do make the mistakes, you can share it and be supported, not hide yourself away because you feel like you're a terrible CEO. Business owner. I literally, Ashley, like, two minutes before I got on, had an experience where I was like, the last words to my husband were, I just feel like I'm screwing up all the time. I just feel like I'm such a bad CEO because I'm constantly making mistakes. And he's like, that's how it's done, Lori. And if he. Like, if he wouldn't have even said that, like, right before I Got on, like in those conversations with other people. And sometimes if it's not him, I say it to friends. It's like, where would we go? You know, what do we do when we don't have those people? We get caught in a shame spiral. So the faster you can put light on it, the faster you'll get through it and know that you're not alone.

Man, I'm hearing you say so many. Like, there's so many nuggets in what you just said. And I go back to, you know, that society has all these standards of grading and all of this of how we measure up and we. That's just not realistic, right? To your point, everything is figureoutable. There's always an answer, there's always a next step. And just like you're getting off into the grass and you're going to find your way back onto the rocks. But also to your point, what you're saying is, is you need a community to surround you and support you and lift you up in those moments and help guide you back if sometimes you're feeling like you can't get there yourself. As you were speaking, I also kept thinking about, man, how often do we all face imposter syndrome? Like, we all just think, this is. This is what it's going to be and I got to fake it till I make it. And it doesn't have to be that way at all. It's such a lie. Lori, there's been so many nuggets today, I feel like we could spend a whole nother hour together. But I know you've got CEO things to do, so I want to just leave off with this one last question. You know, so much of what you speak on is about not just doing the thing, not just being the CEO, not just executing the task, but it's about being happy in the process. To your point, you're going to make this one a party. So I want to know, from your perspective, where does happiness come from?

Happiness comes from being in your zone of genius, which is just like, what gives you the most energy, but also being challenged in your zone of genius and being surrounded by people who understand you and want to see you in that highest version of yourself.

Love that. Knowing it and being surrounded by it. Lori Harder, thanks so much for being with us today. Of course you guys can check out Lori. I'll have all of her links in the show notes and please tune into the podcast if you have not already. Lori's podcast. And again, Lori, thank you for joining us at. At the Boutique Summit this year. It is such a pleasure to have you in our space. Thanks again.

Oh I had such a blast with you. Thank you so much for everything and this was so much fun.

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