EMPATH INNER CHILD ALCHEMY LIGHT CODES Healing | Antojai Quantum Healing | Axel Carrasquillo

So tell me what's been going on in your life.

Well, since I last wrote you, I feel like the world has burst into a pandemic. So, you know, it's kind of interesting to put what I was writing you about into perspective. But I felt like it's still a good time to go ahead and go forward with stuff. You know, I just interestingly have gotten more into sort of exploring energy, healing, understanding more what it's about. But I think in part, I want to use it as self care. So I wanted to just kind of test the waters with you to see if that might be something that I can do periodically with you. I did just come out of a pretty serious relationship. Hello. Hey. And thought it's a good time to just kind of reflect on stuff. More of what I wanted to do with you is just maybe release, like, any emotional blocks or definitely things. There's a lot there with romantic love and relationships, and I'm sure there's stuff from childhood and just past relationships, but wanted to see what I can do maybe in that area.

Okay, so your main target first is relationships.

Yeah, yeah. Just any. And I guess I'd be curious from your perspective what I can't. What that looks like and doesn't look like. And then also just my sex drive has plummeted in the past couple years. So I don't know how much is age, stress. My last relationship. But I also had, you know, prior to this relationship a couple years ago, I had a. I had gotten pregnant and miscarried. And I don't know if that changed my physiology like that plus birth control. But it just hasn't really been the same since probably a couple years ago when I was early into my last relationship.

Okay.

So I'm just making a quick.

Note of everything that you wrote here. Okay. So. Oops, crap. Should have left that open because I'm gonna be opening that. Okay. And then I'm just setting up something really fast.

Think.

Okay. All right.

So tell me about your childhood first.

Oh, wow. Okay. This was more fresh on my mind when I went on a visit, a vacation with my parents, and I was like, right. But I think growing up, I have amazing parents, but my mom and dad definitely do not have a good marriage and haven't. And, you know, I have a brother and a sister. I think even from the beginning, I've always been the one who is more impacted. When they would argue and things like that, I would have more of a reaction and they would just kind of continue to play and compartmentalize so they've, you know, been in healthy, committed relationships. I think there's been a, you know, and culturally my parents were arranged marriage where they met and decided to, you know, they get introduced kind of like a setup. So I don't think in their case it was a success story. So for me, there's always been a model of what I don't want and you know, a fear of getting in a relationship I can't get out of, you know, or not a fear, but that's sort of been in the back of my mind. I want to be in something that's good and not in something I can't get out of. And then I think my mom, I don't remember in early years, but probably around adolescence and onward, my mom had a lot of stress and I think it came out in our family life. So she's just. Can be very negative and critical and you know, I think that's kind of been less in my awareness since I've moved out of the house and appreciate my parents more. But I think I saw a lot of that come out again and it's just like, oh, right. These are like a lot of where my issues are. And when I think about that, like attachment history with my mom, there's always been probably a deep wanting and needing of sort of harmony, approval. But like, I've been drawn, I think in, in my initial relationships, whether some were just, I think just my early experiences with dating were not the right people. And so it was a lot of hurt and disappointment. And I had. The ones that lasted longer have been.

With people who.

Weren'T.

The guys who bring like a secure, healthy relationship. So for example, the guy that there was a very deep connection with, I've known him for like more than 15 years off and on. I think in the past few years we're not really that's changed. But there always used to sort of be this pull, push and pull and. But it was, you know, I would say it bordered on verbally abusive or it was verbally abusive, you know, and there's just like a lot of emotional game playing and you know, the push and pull.

Was he.

Was he mostly abusive to you or is it vice versa?

Oh, him to me, yeah.

Yeah.

But my models of relationships are not, you know, it's kind of this like hot and cold things are good and then something can happen and you just don't know when the other person's gonna.

Get.

Short tempered with you or things like that. And you know, so I've moved away from that And I'm much more trying to find a healthy relationship. And I want commitment, but I think there's a lot that's ingrained that, you know, there is a part that feels like, you know, when there's still that challenge and push and pull, it can be more exciting. Not that I want exciting all the time, but, you know, will I lose interest if it's all secure and stable? And, you know, I just think, you know, I think with age, it gets harder to meet people, but I already know there's already this automatic process that happens where I, like, I can see it so quickly happen that, like, if I'm interested in someone, it's already this whole narrative of, like, you're gonna get hurt. And so I just don't even put myself out there. And a few years. I'm from Michigan. I was visiting several years ago, and a friend of mine was going to a lady. I think in hindsight, she was probably an energy healer. But she, at that time had, like, done something where, you know, we had talked about that off and on guy. And I think that really helped to shift the course because, like, within a few years, it's just. I don't feel that with him anymore, which is good. I feel like something was broken or resolved, but, you know, so I don't think I've got that. I don't. I'm trying to talk in your world. I've not psychics in the past, but, like, they've talked about karmic connections and things like that. And I do feel like something shifted with us over the years. There's already the outgrowing. But, like.

Yeah, if you just. Whatever's easiest for you. If you can just tell me more. So the experiences, I still hear, like, what's happening energetically. Does that make sense?

Got you. So you're. Yeah, yeah. The words doesn't matter. You're figuring it out. You're picking up.

Yeah. I'm listening to, like, your soul, your subconscious and your consciousness all at once. So, like, everything, like, consolidates onto my notes.

Yeah.

So don't worry about it.

Yeah.

But. Yeah.

So I think in terms of that, I don't feel like there's, you know, I'm at a place where I don't, for the first time, have these past heartbreaks or relationships that I'm disappointed if they didn't work out. Like, I feel like I'm on a clean slate and I want to meet that right person. But I feel like there's blocks and pains and there's probably some of that. That goes into sexual stuff, too. But on top of that, I definitely think the libido took a hit.

So.

Okay.

Is that everything that you feel like you want to get out?

What about.

What about the guy before? The guy you just. You just felt like you had a.

Really strong connection with?

Oh, well, he. That guy I met in the early 2000s, so the one I just broke up with is amazing. He's a wonderful guy. It just didn't turn out to be the right fit.

So he's not the. He's not the verbally abusive guy?

No, no, no.

The.

The guy I just broke up with. Like, we were living together. We were together two years, and I actually thought he was gonna be the one, but it was just. I think, over the course of time, you know, he's wonderful. I just think how we're wired energetically just doesn't mesh. And he's someone that I might see if you might be able to work with. I feel like that guy has a lot of.

There's just.

He's unfortunately had a lot of challenges in his life. Not challenges. And it seems like one thing and then another hit and then another hit and another hit. And usually sometimes you're like, okay, what's the common denominator? And in his case, it's not him. Like, he seems to be doing the right things in life, but, you know, he's definitely got baggage from a prior relationship and that stuff. And, you know, a lot of it is just kind of his resiliency to things and the energy he brings in, which, over time, I don't feel like worked well with me, especially because now doing the work I do, I'm much more protective of my energy and coming home. Like, if more days are heavy or hard or I'm sort of carrying someone else's weight at home and feeling like.

He was weaker, basically. Yeah.

Yeah.

And he's an awesome guy, and I do think there's a part there that, like, it's hard for me to fully move on. Like, we want. You know, we just moved out of our houses together, like, a few weeks ago. So the plan was to make this a clean break period for a while. I would still love to be his friend because I just think he's an awesome human being. But it's like, literally right now, he just got found out, like, last week, he's got a melanoma. And so they're in the process of removing that right now, which has been stressful because it's like at any minute, the health system is going to get overwhelmed and they're going to stop doing those. Before that, it's like his stepdaughter thinks she might have leukemia or lymphoma. And like, just one thing after another after another. And so I'm like. And then he took our break apart, so I almost felt like we both did. But like, I feel like a lot of times I'm giving my. I'm putting my stuff behind just to kind of. I just want to mentally know he's gonna be okay. Part of me is like, does he.

Have a lot of karmic studies?

Do you?

Yeah. It sounds like a self sabotaging pattern.

That he has in his system.

Something's there.

Yeah. Oh, and then this was another thing. I don't know if this is relevant. I did. So I started kind of being intrigued by energy healing by a couple of my clients just talking about it. And one in particular has had, like, some really cool experiences. So I did go to someone during my breakup period with this most recent guy, Craig, where I just was feeling very torn. Do we break up? Do we not? We took a separation period to figure that out. And, you know, I went back to the lady a second time just to be like, there was one time that, you know, I mean, I'm just interested in the psychic world and the spiritual world, but there was a lady I worked with a couple years ago during a tough period, and she did something that I hadn't heard of before, where she kind of reads your soul and other people's souls, and she told me I took like a really difficult warrior path.

Yeah, I was gonna say. I was gonna say that, like, you have a lot of warrior energy in your system.

Oh, interesting. And I. My hunch is Craig does too. And so he.

He does, but he's always been on.

The short end of the stick, karmically for him.

Yeah, that would be. That would be that fair? Yeah, I think so. So I did try to go to her to say, can I rescind that? I don't think I want that, you know, because it always feels like, you know, she's like, you kind of take the harder path.

Not.

Not this latest energy healer, but what the lady told me a few years ago. And that kind of.

You're interested in breaking the contract?

I think so, yeah. Unless you would advise differently.

But no, that's exactly what I was going to do anyway.

Oh, cool.

That you're like, you're on the same page.

Okay, cool.

So there's different kinds of energy healing, and I know Many different styles, but most recent, like what I do is like I study a bunch of different energy styles we've been doing my entire life. And I've been composing like this massive one all system. And that's what I'm going to be using on you. It's on to high, but the way I'm going to use it is to dive into your system. We're essentially all trees. And just like any other tree, there are animals and insects that live inside of it. And then it also is like interacting with like the earth was that the.

Earth is also riddled with all those.

Other entities as well. So when people think about entities, they usually think about like demons and stuff like that, which those are a form of entity, but similar to like a haunted house. When you've collected so much trauma in a house, the house becomes somewhat sentient. So then when a new family moves in, it starts orchestrating things so that there's tension and then it can keep feeding itself. That's the same thing that happens with each one of us at a multi dimensional psychological level.

So technically what we're doing is quantum psychology.

And what we're going to do is we're going to just randomly start seeing.

Where we can go with this.

I have all the pinpoints that I need. I'll probably pull out a few more later. I want you to take a deep breath. We're in the same room right now. Time and space is a complete illusion. The phone is just something that makes.

The illusion feel more comfortable. But we're actually in the same room.

I want you to close your eyes.

Just by phone. Could I lie down?

Yeah.

Or should I lie down?

I don't know.

Yeah, go ahead. Like whatever makes you feel more like.

You can fall into it.

Okay.

Yeah.

So if you don't mind, I'm going to turn off the. I'll keep the sound on and stop the video and just kind of lie down and listen to your guidance.

Uh huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to be interacting with me too. So.

Okay.

As long as the phone is somewhat closer to you so I can hear.

Your responses, it's fine. Or the computer.

Okay, thanks.

Cool.

Yeah, just let me know if you can't hear me.

But it should be very close to it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Is there a way that you can slide the table or whatever you have.

Your computer on a little bit closer?

How's that?

That's better. Perfect. All right, cool.

So yeah, just take a deep breath.

We're in the same room. Ready? Three, two, one. Okay.

So you're gonna close your eyes, and you're gonna see an entity show up.

In front of you. Called approval.

Let me know when you see it. I can take the form of a person or just another version of you.

Don't focus too much on what it looks like. Just let it naturally form.

Having a hard time finding it.

Okay. Do you feel it? Don't go looking for it. Just summon it. Similar to an app.

You just press it and forget it, and it happens.

So just relax. Let go of your entire mind. This is not an analytical process. Everything that I want to access already.

Hears me and knows that I want it.

All you're doing is becoming a middleman.

You're just verbally translating what they're saying to me. So just take another deep breath and relax.

Ah. Let go of your mind. Let it go as freely as it.

Wants in all directions. No pressure. There's no right or wrong answer. Right.

So see an entity form in front of you.

It can't hurt you because it's a part of you. It's just called approval.

You might not be able to see it. You might be able to just feel.

It or know that it's present.

Can I just, like, visualize an entity?

Yeah.

Okay.

Just let me know you had it.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I can just create one. I don't think I can tune into it.

Okay, so the body that you're looking at is not. What we're really focused on is the.

Messages that's coming from it.

So, approval. Do I have the opportunity to speak to you today?

Approval.

I know you hear me.

I'm just asking permission.

I don't really need your help. It just makes it easier for both.

Of us if we can do it together. I promise I don't mean any harm. I'm not going to hurt you.

I just want to have a nice.

Simple chat with you about a few things. Will you please talk to me? All right, then.

I. I summon another entity called fear. Let me know when you see it.

Okay?

Okay. Fear, will you please talk to me? All you're doing is translating whatever answers they give you.

You are not fear.

You are not approval. All you're doing is translating what their messages are.

Okay, take a deep breath. I'm gonna ask one more entity. If not, I'm breaking in relationships.

I summon you forward. Are you willing to talk to me? Okay, I was going to be nice. Now I'm coming for you. Take a deep breath.

If one of the entities chooses to.

Talk to me at any moment, you're More than welcome. And I will stop my process. Taking a deep breath. Let go of your mind. Don't look for anything. The more of a blank canvas you are, the easier it is for me to do what I'm doing.

Just experience.

Don't think about how it is that you're experiencing it. Let go of your mind more. Here's super analytical person. You cannot be analytical and energy work.

Because your way of thinking is bound.

To the 3D, which is also bound to like a lower density form of.

Thinking, multi dimensional thinking just happen. It's not something you calculate, you can anticipate.

Just is. Deep breath.

Breathe out anything negative as we do.

The rest of this process doesn't matter if it's mental, emotional, spiritual or physical. I summon. I summon the doorway of the shadow. I open the temple of shadows. My name is Autumn Radio. Why do you, Benita, have fear over approval over disapproval?

I don't know that I. That's a big thing in my life right now. Yeah, I don't know that that's something that I experience that much of now.

Answer the question.

Why do I have fear of disapproval?

Mm.

Doesn'T have to be in the present time space.

It's a generalized multi dimensional question.

Okay. I guess in the past.

It just was hard to feel like what I was. There were times where it would feel like whatever I was doing was wrong, even if I was just being myself.

Okay, so fear of being wrong or felt like you're being wrong so in.

A way you don't fully accept yourself to some degree.

Yeah.

I guess there's a message that being you and just being isn't enough. Or sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

Okay, so.

So then why put in any effort into the things that you're most passionate about?

No, I think it amounted to like.

It's sort of like if you're sometimes good, then when it's not good, you're sort of always searching for making things good again and achieving that harmony. But it wasn't like a realistic expectation.

Because it wasn't about me, it was.

About the other person.

So it's like if sometimes I wear.

The red shirt, I'm good.

But then it's like it's not because I was wearing a blue shirt that they got mad at me.

Even if that's what it was. It's just like there's no rhyme or reason. It's kind of seeking these relationships where I can't quite get consistent love. And I'm wanting to make it consistent and resolve that.

So you always expect disappointment.

Yeah, that's probably true.

Okay, so essentially.

Being you isn't enough, which always leads.

You to expect disappointment as a generalized trait in the things that you most desire.

Therefore, it still dissipates the lack of.

Effort you put into certain things, particularly just talking about relationships.

You put in effort, but you don't.

Put in the correct kind of effort.

And that's usually when finding the right mate.

So.

So you probably put in a lot.

Of effort after you're in the relationship.

And you try to really save it because you feel like you have to repair that relationship no matter what the.

Cost, instead of actually just generally finding somebody that's worth your time to begin with.

Yeah, like moving on from something that doesn't work, or maybe earlier on thinking there's something wrong with me and so staying with the people who would like. But I don't have that anymore. You know, I think I'm pretty good at liking myself and what I have to. You know, I think I've moved away from that, and I don't want to be with people who aren't worth that.

Deep breath, Temple Shadows. I'm ready for the second question.

Why don't you love yourself?

I think I do.

The Temple refuses to accept that answer.

To move to the next level.

It states that you don't love yourself.

That you've learned how to convince yourself that you love yourself. But when it asks you, do you love yourself?

It doesn't refer to your idea of what you love.

It's whether or not you love yourself. 100%.

I don't know.

The only thing I can think of is, You know, maybe society or people value certain things that I don't have.

Do you love yourself?

I think I do.

I think that's one of the things.

On my journey that I'm more and more in tune with, is not putting other people first like I have in the past, you know, without consulting myself to.

Do you love yourself?

It's the same. It's the same question. Won't let me move until you answer the question. You're not answering the question honestly. That's when we get stuck in. The Temple of Shadows is tied to your throat chakra. Your throat chakra is tied to levels of authenticity, truth, wisdom, the afterlife, things like that. So it's also touch. Your shadow in general, your shadow is always deeply rooted in your subconscious. You said, and when I. When I turn on the Temple of Shadows or when I open it, basically, I don't have control over what question comes up it knows the ultimate truth that lies deep inside of you, and it won't let you move forward until.

You'Re harshly honest with yourself about why. Something there.

So if it's saying that you don't.

Love yourself, essentially, is what it's saying.

You even said in your. In both statements when you were challenged, you think you don't know. So do you not see how your internal structure is not created, creating the.

Manifest that you seek? Because you don't know, you're still thinking.

You'Re not actually experiencing emotionally, but you're.

Still logically processing it.

I mean, I think I love myself. It's probably a more recent thing in.

The past few years.

But.

You know, the one thing I'll.

Say is I used to put people first a lot, and there's still that innate tendency to do that. But I'm getting better and better about giving as much to myself. Like, I give a lot of consideration to other people and their experiences. And I think that's.

Or I see, I said I think again. But I think this is my language. That's just how I.

To me, that is loving myself by saying, I'm worth that too, and not letting other people's voice or experience be more important than my own.

It's saying, she doesn't love herself.

She will not proceed until the next stage.

So it's, it's an illusion. There's something here that you're not being honest about. And it's probably your wording, because if you really did love yourself, you'd say, yes, I love myself. Like, no one could challenge you if you ask me, do I love myself? Hell yeah, I love myself. I'll make whatever happen.

You asked me, why don't you love yourself? So I'm like, I think I love myself.

But.

But that's a trick question that, that first question came from the temple itself. All I'm doing is playing verbatim for the temple. So you, you, you could get past the question. And this is, you want to get one freebie from me. The temple only allows, like, you can. You could get past the question by saying, yes, you do love yourself. Instead of so analytically looking at everything that you've been doing and questioning like, you need to know, like, are you, you know, are you who you say you are?

Yes or no? Right.

So you could say, yes, but this is your freebie. The next question is probably going to.

Be more intense than that last than the second question.

So is this is the process that you're doing with me, Is that going.

To be how it works is we just keep going back and forth with questions.

Part of it, like, yeah, I go for answers. I don't go for what people expect. I come for results. And that's what.

What's really made me who I am.

So, no, I just want to understand.

The process, I think, a little more.

Oh, got it. Because, yeah, some people come in and they're like, oh, my God, you're gonna.

Ask me a million questions. I thought I came here for an energy healing.

Like, this is an energy healing. It's just. You wanted a certain outcome.

I have to use a certain technique.

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. We're just mindset around it.

I don't want to question your.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So the Temple Shadows. Yeah, the Temple of Shadows is basically a temple that exists multidimensionally instead of everyone, and it holds, like, the deepest.

Darkest secrets inside of your consciousness that.

Are still broken, and they don't, like, align with the reality that you're manifesting. So the biggest trick to it is, like, understanding that if you. If there's any doubt, even in the wording, that you're using your own vibration, if you're. If you're looking to avoid the answer, it'll lock you on that stage until you move forward.

Okay.

Yeah.

So the more you fall into, like, a trance, the easier it is for.

You to actually see the answer that it's looking for, because it's more so a test of your own will. Yeah, just like that.

Keep giving into, like, your whole entire body, though.

So.

So if you would have noticed, like.

The lower portion of your body ended up getting.

It had, like, a little bit of a burst because you had fear of expectation, and you also had fear of approval. Like, am I doing this right?

Like, what am I supposed to be expecting? Like, where am I going?

I don't know how this works.

That's also running in the background, even though you're not, like, fully focused on it. Right.

And especially the temple is also highlighting that when I.

When I brought up the subject matter of disappointment, that. That really bothered you a lot.

Like, you didn't want to really look.

At the aspect of being disappointed. Okay, so third question, please. Okay, so the first layer was like, why. Why do you have fear and approval? And then that opened up the second level, which was, do you love yourself? Which, yes, she loves yourself.

It's funny because you said that, and I still said in my brain.

I think I do.

Yeah.

See?

Yeah, so that's. That's probably why. So you have to Say right now, like, I love myself.

I love myself. Maybe it's competing with societal messages and messages from others. You know, because I went to India for three weeks and it was amazing.

Again, there was challenging things with my mom for a few points that just.

Really connected me to, like, Right, that's how high school me felt.

And.

Right. These are where my issues come from. But then, for the most part, it was a very kind of eat, pray, love type of trip after a really rough few months of my breakup.

But then coming back, it's like the more you interact with people or just subtle things that come up where people.

Don'T even mean to something, they might.

Say, it's almost like I love myself.

But then there's, like, things mirrored back to me that make me feel like, you know, you sort of feel a little less than in a moment or, you know, of course, for example, not being married right now or things like.

That that sometimes people put upon you.

That you don't necessarily feel is a problem, except for when you see it through their eyes or something. So I can see that chipping away.

Taking a deep breath.

The third layer of the temple is going to be a dimension of the.

Inner child, whatever that looks like. The question is, why do you hold accountable your mother for the model of relationships that you acquire?

Yeah, that's a good question.

I think, because with my dad, I.

Already had the love, so I didn't have to look for it. And with my mom, it sort of felt fleeting. And I think there was a part of me that kind of felt maybe not growing up, but later realized, yeah.

I was.

Later when we were in college where my sister and I both. I thought she was.

I was kind of the middle child.

The, you know, black sheep type. But I do think I'm my dad's favorite.

And there was just always a security.

There that I wasn't the nicest to my dad and probably my mom wasn't the nicest to my dad. So I think I wasn't very patient with him, and I only appreciated him later in life more.

So I don't know.

I mean, maybe I wasn't looking for that approval from him, but my mom, he was more maybe, you know, what you get with him. And my mom was just. It's almost like always trying to find that right equilibrium. Like, you have a nice moment and.

Then suddenly you've touched off a landmine.

And we're in a fight, you know?

Okay, so the temple said your mom.

Has a narcissistic trait. Okay, so I'm gonna write this down.

Although I don't think she has a narcissistic trait.

The way it shows it to me. It showed me narcissism and bipolarism. So it's not necessarily she has either one, but whatever. Programming is the same programming that allows.

Those two conditions to arise later on in life.

So when I call things out, like.

You'Ll see how they click later. Okay.

So you have this ebbs of up and down with, like, looking from love for your mom. And in a way, you didn't really feel like she loved you the same way she probably loved your sister. And that makes you not fully embrace your own self.

Love, probably, yeah. And even more so my brother. Like, she loved my brother. And I think, you know, under stress.

A lot of times, it's. It's hard to say. It came out a lot when we.

Were on our trip, but just almost all the ways I made her life hard.

So you feel guilt?

I don't know that I want to internalize it, but it makes me feel bad. And you kind of just, as a kid, want your mom to love you and you feel like it's different, you know, like, for example, even if I go visit now, it's mostly a good trip, but then if there's more people in the house and if my brother's staying there too, suddenly I'm kind of the irritating person or the one that. I don't know how to put it. I've learned that I like it better when there's not a lot of other people around. Otherwise I get sort of the brunt of.

In a way, she treats me a.

Lot like she treats my dad when.

She'S stressed, if so unwanted.

Very critical and kind of taking her stress out on us. But sure, yeah. Unwanted could be a feeling I get from her sometimes.

Do you want to hold on to this programming?

No.

Breathe in, breathe out and let it go.

Do it again.

One more time. Before I.

Before you did this exercise on a 0 to 10 scale, how much did.

You feel like this programming affected you?

The whole.

The last three levels of the Temple of Shadows. So the programming of what you just released.

So like, knowing that you're like, you feel this way about your mom and how you're holding that, that towards your relationships?

Like, how much was the impact of your relationship?

Out of 10, 10 being the worst.

How did you feel?

Meaning, like, what is the impact of that as a baseline? Yeah, probably an eight.

Okay.

And after you just did this release.

Where is it at? Weird.

I want to say a six but there's something in my stomach that's like sliding down. Almost like I'm picturing a seesaw going lower.

Okay, okay.

I'm just gonna let go into that and say three, But I'm trying to not.

Okay, okay. So you.

When you let go into that, you feel three, but when you kind of like try to come up with a.

Number, you feel sex. Okay. All right, so we're almost there. Temple, can we go into another question now? This question must be addressed. Okay, Temple, can I have a clue as to where to, like, generate this putting effort into sex drive? Okay, so.

Does this level of feeling like, you know, like that criticalness and the unwantedness, is that something that you bring to, like, your sexual life?

Like this level of guilt to your sexual life?

Oh, that's a tougher one. I think I've always been inhibited, you know, like that. Sort of more self aware and conscious, probably. Again, I wasn't. And then the, you know, the early people that I had, you know, when you lose your virginity and things like that, it wasn't in the context of feeling like that was the right relationship to have that in. And so then it was always kind of not really in the moment and more about the other person, I guess, connecting like that versus I don't always have that person on the day to day in a consistent way. I don't know how to put. Didn't feel secure. I don't know if I answered your question.

You.

You answered it in different layers. You didn't give me, like, a straight out answer, did you?

Remind me the question. I forgot.

What?

No worries, no worries, no worries. The quest. The first thing is, do you want to let this go?

Yes.

Okay. How much is it impacting you right now?

Well, I'm not even having sex with.

Anybody, but it's impacted me a lot. Like, I would say a 10, because even in my committed relationship, I didn't want it to be a thing. But I, in part, I might not have felt the attraction anymore, but it's hard to say.

Like, I don't.

It's very rare that I even feel like that part gets excited in me anymore. And that's.

There's just something different.

So I would say a lot significant.

Okay, breathe in, breathe out, and let it go. You can do that five more times. It. Now. Out of 10, where is it at?

Sorry, I was just doing one more.

Take your time.

Maybe a four.

Okay.

Can I just say one more thing, though? Why don't you love yourself? Something that's just coming to me now is maybe. I don't know. I just found myself saying, if my mom doesn't love me, then how can I? And on the surface level, I know that's not true. But there's times it feels like that.

Got it.

Do you want to let go of this programming, too?

Yeah. I think there's a feeling that she blames me for her life being hard.

Okay.

Breathe in, breathe out and let it go.

And you're going to do that four more times. Let me know when you're done doing those. Okay.

Okay.

Now, going back to that critical unwanted. You said you were a three or six out of ten. Where you at now?

Maybe a two?

Is it a two or is it a three?

Go with two.

Taking a deep breath. Okay, so I'm being told now you must proceed to the next question. So where are we at? We're at level four now. Okay.

Why are you addicted to tension?

The need to resolve the tension and get consistent and unconditional love and acceptance. Wasn't that the word you used before? Acceptance?

Yeah, yeah. Approval.

Yep.

So acceptance also has to do.

I like the way.

The fact that you used that word. Because acceptance goes back into another chakra. That's really important. This is tied to your, like, sexual health.

Why don't you take.

Okay, so you're addicted to detention because you have to resolve. And you need acceptance to resolve because you.

And it's what I know.

Do you want to let this go?

Yes.

Breathe in, breathe out and let it go. Gonna do that. 3. Take an energy breath. Okay. All right. Where do you feel now with your level of guilt? You were a 4 out of 10.

Can you remind me what the guilt was about?

No, don't worry about the guilt.

That's the whole reason of deleting it. Just tell me whatever score you can.

Give me for guilt.

Two. Okay. Okay.

So would you say that you just.

Feel a deep sense of unresolved?

Yeah, I think, broadly speaking, yeah. I think that goes beyond just love and relationships.

Are you not satisfied with yourself?

The Temple asks.

No, I'm not.

Okay. Would you like to let go of this programming?

Yes.

Okay.

What is the impact of it currently on.

On your system? Out of 10?

I'd say right now pretty high.

Eight. Okay. You're gonna see a ball in front of you, and it's the color magenta with some dark streaks of purple and maybe some lavender. The ball is super dense. It's so dense that for its size is actually a lot heavier than what it seems. The longer you hold on to it. The heavier and heavier and heavier. It gets to the point where you're going to have to drop it or it's going to start sinking you into the ground. As it keeps getting heavier and heavier, going deeper down into the earth. If you choose to hold on to the ball, it'll drag you down to the core of the earth regardless of whether or not you hold on to it. The hole is there. You're going to see yourself shrink and go through the hole if you're not holding on to the ball all the way to the core.

Do I want to let go of the ball?

No, you don't have to. If it's dragging you down into the center of the earth, go ahead.

Meaning I don't.

I don't want it to drag me.

Down to the center of the earth.

Right.

It's up to you. It's up to you. It's your perception.

Because either way, if it goes down to the center of the earth while.

You'Re holding on to it, it's gonna leave a tunnel behind, which you're still.

Gonna have to go through that tunnel.

Some people like the. Yeah, some people like the bum rush.

Some people don't.

So we are supposed to go down the tunnel. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to avoid the tunnel.

Okay.

Sorry.

I was going with your visual, but.

I didn't know I'm supposed to let.

Go of the ball or something.

Yeah, no, you're fine. It's your subconscious trying to, like, fight what I'm trying to make you do. As you get closer and closer into.

The Earth.

You're gonna see a very bright, brilliant red orange magma color, brighter than any lava you've ever. You can let the lava start to consume you. You can feel it on your skin. As it burns away a layer of.

Your existence that no longer serves you.

You can feel that there's this energy underneath where your skin needs to be.

This energy is gold.

As that lava seeps in through that.

Gold, that gold gets hotter. But it doesn't melt. It stays in place. The lava goes deeper into your muscles. And it starts to burn away all the DNA that's been activated towards feeling unresolved, disappointed.

Guilt.

Unwanted, unloved, bad. You're getting rid of all the tension and all the hurts, All the wrong of you being not enough, not good enough. As that burns away the muscles, the muscles become a strong cosmic copper color, A solidified copper. And the lava keeps sinking down. The lava at this point is your fire for life. To reclaim your life. So don't resist the lava. Let it keep penetrating. As it dives into your bones again.

It starts manipulating your DNA and the field.

The field is like a force field all around. Your environment can be a hundred yards wide that after that hundred yards, it interacts with another field around it for another hundred and infinitely goes over and over and over. The lava is heating up all those layers quickly, extremely. Each layer is getting hotter and hotter and hotter until each one of those.

Layers is nothing but this fire of life.

It's burning away all the critical, all the unwanted, all the disappointment, disappointment. All the fear, all the bad, all the guilt, the unresolved of being wrong and not being enough. It goes into every area of your inner child, Burning away anything that it avoids. Though this destructive power may seem scary or uncomfortable, it's only for rebirth. You can now see the fire turning this ultraviolet, purple, lavender color. You can feel it penetrate your mind now. And the core vital systems of your body, the inner child's body, let it completely consume you. And your chakras, your meridians, your sub chakras, Have no fear, for death is only an illusion. We die perpetually every day. Whether it's abandoning an old habit, Letting go of self limiting beliefs and energies. No energy can be lost. It can only be recreated for everything's energy. You are nothing but this fire of life that radiates through every aspect of your soul. You let go of all attention, the unresolved, the avoidance, The bad, the fear, lack of self love, The disappointment, the critical unwantedness, the hurt, the wrong of not being enough. As you let this energy consume you, you're gonna ask in your mind's eye for a program that I've created in astral space. It's an app called Chakra Mirror. To turn it on, whether you see it or you just know. It just activates automatically like an Alexa. And let it run.

If you're feeling the waves, just let the waves happen.

We're just deleting a bunch of things. Give in to it. Trust it.

The energy can't hurt you in any.

Way, shape or form. Choose to be reversed.

Don't control or try to dictate what.

That version of you that gets Rebirth turns into. Accept it. Accept the unknown with full, open arms. You did it when you chose this body of this identity, Anita, before you stepped into this incarnation. Rebirth is nothing different to you. Breathe in, breathe out. Let it all go. You're going to do that seven times at your own pace. Each breath is going to purge more and more energy than it did the first time. Let me know when that is done. Gonna take another deep breath in and out and you're gonna start seeing. You're gonna see your whole entire life like a movie. Right before you start playing this movie, though, just like when we used to watch VHS tapes and when we were fast forward and rewind, it would have all those squiggly lines.

Those are the same lines that you're.

Gonna put when we start this exercise next.

You're going to start from the beginning of your life and you're going to.

Fast forward to your present time space in black and white. When you do that, then you're going to rewind from the present time space and full color all the way to the beginning of your life. Now we know when that's done. Okay, you're gonna fast forward again in full color rewind and black and white. Let me know when. That's. It. Okay, you're gonna fast forward in black and white. But this time you're gonna go ahead and target all the programming that I've targeted today. We're gonna call them the Fires of Life. Anything that isn't the Fires of Life, it's gonna get targeted. You don't have to focus on what that is.

It'll just do it on its own.

When you get to the end your present time space, you're gonna rewind in black and white. Sorry. So you're fast forwarding in black and white. Rewind in black and white.

Now you're gonna see that gold color that was layered on your body and.

That copper color both come together to make a really, really iridescent, like rose, goldy copper color. It. I'm gonna fast forward and then rewind in that same color. When you're done doing that, Let me know.

Now we're going to fast forward one more time in that same color. But you're going to make the whole entire movie super funny. And when you rewind, you're gonna see.

This really bright, beautiful, iridescent purple color. That merges with that other color you had created. And then you'll rewind in that color. Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath.

Wherever it is that you're in the.

Movie, just keep going all the way back as far back as you can. Let me know when you get back to the beginning. Okay, Breathe in, breathe out and let it go. Do that five more times. Let me know when that's done.

Done.

How much guilt do you have?

Out of 10, How much of the relationship sabotage program is there leftover in your system?

Somewhere between a 0, 1 and 2.

Okay, give it a second.

Take another deep breath.

Wait just a little bit to see if it goes down lower. Seems like it's still diving. How much do you love yourself? Where was it before?

Weirdly, I want to say four. And I know that's counter what we were talking about.

It's because your soul knows exactly what I was asking. That's why I was giving it. I was giving a different scale versus, like, you know, the pain scale. I knew I automatically wanted to know.

If, like, I raised your self. Love. Yeah. Happens when you're speaking telepathy.

All right, and unresolved out of 10.

How much is that.

Not coming up for me right now? I want to say zero. I can tell. I'm trying to, like, you know, you feel like you want to hold on to something.

Yeah. You're trying to find it.

Yeah.

It's not there anymore, though, is it?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Do you know so or you think so?

Not there anymore.

100%.

You know, this one's harder for me because I think I think of it as. I know I said I think I think of it as a lot across my life.

Okay.

So I probably should just tune into relationships.

So. Okay, so that's the unresolved is still. Okay, cool. Thank you.

Thank you, subconscious, for telling me that.

It makes both of our lives easier. Okay, so this still connect to that. All right.

Let'S see.

How much is your inner child avoidance?

Whatever number comes up when you say avoidance.

With relationships.

Yeah, with. Yeah, relationships.

Yeah.

I would say it's still.

Weird.

I was gonna say a six, but then it went like a spring going down.

So originally it was a six, and then now what is it?

I want to say 0.

100. No.

Okay, so like a 0.1 still.

Okay.

What about disappointed?

That's a zero.

100%. Okay. The kilts is zero. How much did you say that you're addicted to tension?

Say that's still there. Maybe like a two. I need a little bit of it. Maybe not tension, but challenge.

Okay. Tension.

Tension. Would you like to be upgraded to challenge?

What's a good word for it? Like, where you feel like.

Healthy challenge.

Healthy challenge. Yeah. Thank you.

So tension. You. Would you like to be promoted to healthy challenge?

Yes.

Okay.

Breathe in, breathe out.

And let it go.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Let it go. See tension transform into healthy challenge. It.

Healthy challenge.

Would you like to work with Bonita for the rest of existence in this incarnation?

Can we add satisfaction to that, too? I don't know if that can come in there.

Yeah, we can change. We can. We can upgrade approval to satisfaction.

Okay.

So you do want to work with Benita.

If you do want to work with Bonita, reach your hand out and handshake with her. Both of you. Handshake.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Let it go.

You're going to see a golden contract with an ultraviolet iridescent lightning come out of the nothingness.

You and Healthy Challenge are going to sign this contract. When that's done, give each other a hug. Breathe in, breathe out. And let it go. How much are you still addicted to tension?

0.

100%. What about the unresolved?

Was that a 0.1% before? Meaning is it still there?

Yeah. Is it still 0.1 or is it 0?

I think it just went to a zero.

So a zero.

100%. Mm. 1,000%.

I think.

So is there any way to make.

A contract for that?

For unresolved?

Yeah. I don't know. I like the idea of contracts.

Yeah.

So, like, we're. We're doing that, but unresolved is bound.

To two different things.

So if unresolved is still at a 0.1, that still makes sense. It could even still be like a 0.01.

I think it's gone from relation. It's gone for relationships. So when you're saying unresolved, I go to my broader life, but with relationships, if I look at it that way.

So. So in relationships, you feel 0,100%?

1,000.

A little with my mom maybe, but yeah, it's.

So.

It's.

So it's.

Yes, it's still going to be there. Okay, so it's. It's. It keeps dividing itself. Give me 20 seconds.

Approval.

Would you like to be Approval and acceptance. Would you like to be promoted to satisfaction?

Okay, I heard. Yes, I would.

Breathe in, breathe out, and let go.

Of all the need of approval and acceptance. Okay. Do that two more times.

You're going to see approval and acceptance turn into satisfaction. Then you're gonna see a golden copper.

Cosmic fire, that rose goldy color you saw earlier come out.

You're gonna see Healthy Challenge there as well. Satisfaction and Healthy Challenge.

Are going to.

Tear up a contract that now is coming.

It's a dark blue, dark purple color out of the nothingness.

You're gonna both tear that up, and.

That'S the contract for unresolved.

Doesn't matter if unresolved is relationships or life.

It's unresolved. Then they're going to go ahead and.

Sign on the new Contract.

To be forever resolved.

Approval is now going to see another. You're going to see another contract come.

Out of nothingness, A bright green color with orange tint. You're going to sign with a cosmic yellow color, A contract to work together. You and satisfaction, You, satisfaction and healthy challenge are now going to give each other a really big hug, some appreciation. Take a deep breath in and out and let it go. To that four more times. Let me know when you're done breathing.

Where are you at with acceptance and.

Approval out of 10?

We'll give it a 10.

So that's a 10 that it's gone, like, or a 10 that it's there?

Oh, sorry. 10 that it's gone.

Okay, so it's a 0. 100%. 1,000%. Okay, great.

And then what is your unresolved?

Unresolved is at a zero.

100%. 1,000%. 1,000%.

Oh, wow. Go with a million percent.

Okay, so I got that one out.

What about relationships?

Is that a zero?

Sorry? When you say relationships, what do you mean by that?

The old programming of the relationship. So I guess this will answer my question. Is your inner child still avoiding relationships?

It feels a lot freer now.

Okay. Is it a zero?

I think it's a zero. And if there was a contract, like.

How much do you love yourself out of 10?

I don't.

If you said something, I didn't hear you.

I'm not sure if you said anything. Oh, you sound really far away. That's why.

Oh, sorry.

So what would you say?

I think the battery was going low and I was trying to plug it in, so I might have moved it around.

Got it. So how much do you love yourself.

Out of 10 now? 10 for sure. Mm. 100%. Mm.

A million percent?

Yeah. Million percent.

Okay. Okay, great. Then that means.

So your. Your system's locking me out right now.

So I can't do any more work.

Because your body can only take so.

Much of a flush at it at one specific time.

But, I mean, we deleted a couple other things. I would have created another contract for the inner child avoidance if I could, but, like, your body, like, I asked to do it, and the body.

Your body was just like, no.

So we did delete a lot of these other programs, though. The satisfaction and the unresolved detention for addiction, Those were all heavily connected to, like, the major components of everything else. That's, like, kind of throwing you off.

Mm.

So I would just say you have to give it a little bit. You have to give it at least, like, four or Five days to start giving you a full purge because I had to wire you differently than other people. And this one was kind of like a little bit harder to do, honestly. So you have a lot, a lot of energy running through your subconscious right now. So you kind of like part of it is going to be like this moment where maybe you feel like crying, you don't know why you feel that way, or you might feel really impulsive, like you have to say something to someone like you haven't said for a while. Like, all this is just part of the detox because your DNA is not flushing as much of that negative energy. Your DNA basically is like a hard drive, and it can hold like a gram of DNA, can hold three terabytes worth of a hard drive. So you can imagine how much information is actually in your DNA. So a lot of this is stemming from your inner child. All these patterns and everything are just straight up from your inner child. Your sex drive is tied, was tied heavily to not being enough. And that's a normal pattern that I see with people. And because of that, you also hyper analyze some of the guilt. That creates tension, then that creates hurt. And then like, your sexual drive gets exchanged for, like, these really intense moments of like, devaluing yourself through sexual encounters and making you feel like you're not good enough because you're not being as sexual when it's really like this domino effect that's happening in the background. So we did, we did delete that.

The.

The biggest thing with sex drive is you're going to start feeling these impulses to, like, maybe be sexual with yourself. Like masturbate or dress sexy or whatever. Like take a better Facebook photo or whatever it is that it is that you feel like doing. Most times when that happens, people will just be like, whoa, I don't know. It feels foreign. I don't want to really do that. That feels so weird. You have to recognize that when you start feeling, feeling that now, that's the programming saying, hey, this got deleted. Do something about it. So if you do feel like masturbating, like, do it and make it like this fun thing. Don't make it to be like, you know, like a chore. If you feel like dressing sexy, hey, who cares? Dress sexy. Even if it's to work or to see your parents or whatever, like that's gonna help you re solidify that fire instead of your sexual drive. Same thing with the Facebook stuff. Everyone has a different way of feeling sexy. Pursue whatever makes you feel good. The more you empower that you're telling your DNA, make sure you save this file, because this is what I want to experience all the time. And then I'll shift a lot of the other things that are happening here on my board. The love for yourself is going to be extremely challenged by your mom. So your mom is essentially like a shadow for you.

You.

And that was one of the biggest things that really came out in the temple shadows was like your mom, like a lot of this is coming from.

Your relationship with her.

So when people get these programming is put into place, reality will try to test you. So it'll try to do something to. For instance, I'll give you a really good example. Last year I did ayahuasca. When I did ayahuasca last year, I had purged like all this, like, unworthiness that I felt for myself. And then immediately after, I had this incident with this lady who was like, really mean to me about my work with no reason whatsoever. And it was like, oh my God, I can't, like. And it kind of like bummed me down a little bit after having this magical experience. Well, fast forward a year later. I just finished meditating with another guru of mine for like the last two weeks. And then when I immediately got out of that, the same lady ended up messaging me out of the blue with more hate. And it was just like, whoa, this is like, clearly something got deleted out of my system and this is why it's happened twice when this lady has not even been in my reality whatsoever. So it's like it has to. It's like a parasite. It's going to try to like, use what it knows hurts you the most to try to re embed itself into your system. Just be conscious of the fact that if your mom just randomly does something mean to you and it's. You're being tested, all you have to do is be like, okay, I understand what's happening right now. I'm not going to let it affect me. The moment you do that, just once, the program, the leech, whatever you want to call it, gets deleted. It can't, it can't tether itself to you anymore. So just pay attention to that. Your dreams are going to be really intense. So you might have like, dreams where you're traveling other dimensions, you see animals, you, you know, maybe talking to the dead. If you're talking to the dead, it's.

A real phone call.

Unless you don't want to talk to that person. Like, take advantage of it. If you don't want to talk to that person. Just be like, I'm not doing this right now. And it's just like hanging up a phone. If you see animals, look those up online. Those are your totem animals or your spirit guides and your helpers. Once you identify them, you pull them out of the spiritual world into the real world, and they kind of help you with your life in general. They're really convenient. You might see repetitive numbers like 1.

1, 1, 444 fives, whatever.

Those numbers are a compass, literally, of the energy work trying to tell you what to do next. Whether it's like, clean your house, change your diet, you know, whatever. Think more happily suffering about money. All these different things that'll just literally just tell you to do that. If you can let it guide you, you're going to totally notice a major shift even more easily than you know than you would have anticipated. In general, your relationship pattern and the inner child avoidance. That one's a pretty heavily embedded one. Even though, like, for one of them, I'm seeing like a 0.000000, like an infinity 0, but I still always see a 1 at the very end of I. It's not the relationship, but it's the inner child avoidance. Just because your system wouldn't let me get to the next file, which is another file that's tied to your mom. And it's about the being the. The enoughness. So we deleted a lot. You have a lot to look forward to. Just kind of go with the flow for right now. Drink lots of water. Make sure that you take a warm shower. If you're going to take a shower today, too cold of a shower is going to make you really, like, lethargic and just want to sleep. Too hot of a shower is going to make you really dizzy and nauseous. So if you feel either one, you can go ahead and jump back in the shower, make it more even, and you'll be fine. The water, it has to make, you have to make sure it's not tap water or anything else, because those create free radicals in your system, which then distort the DNA information that I force you to download. You're essentially like a computer, like I said, and I just deleted like, a bunch of viruses and a bunch of old programs that needed to be upgraded. So it's just a waiting game now. At any moment, if you feel like it's too much and you can't, like, process everything that's going on, go ahead and shoot me like a text message. I'm better at text messages than calls.

All the time.

But I'll try to help you as much as possible if, like, something like that happens to you. But only save those for, like, a crazy emergency. Like, if you're just, like, really on the edge.

Not a beautiful.

Yeah. And then I'll send you a link to my YouTube page. So what you can do is you can check out a playlist that's highlighted there called the Light Codes. If you practice light of the mind every day, like watching Netflix or whatever, just even going on a walk, super easy. It's a free energy course class, you'll be able to help heal your inner child even more because it's a. That's where a lot of your imbalance is coming from. Your solar plexus chakra. Any questions?

No, I think that all sounds good.

How do you feel?

I feel good. I feel different.

Feel lighter, cleaner.

And, you know, I think a lot of what I brought in today was all this coronavirus anxiety, and, like, just all this stuff happening, and I don't know. So I just feel calmer and more.

Just clean.

Yeah.

So that'll keep amplifying. Just make sure, you know, you empower yourself whenever it's nice, necessary.

One of the things that also happens.

Too, when I'm doing what I've done, this work, is that your inner child wants to validate itself a little bit more. So it might just want to be like, hey, I want to make art. And, like, you maybe never make art. Just go for it. Go for it, because that's part of the healing process. Maybe you want to be silly one day or, you know, be spontaneous. Do what you need to do to keep vitalizing yourself. Because right now, there's an energy called the flower fires of life running through you, and it's super, super powerful, and it's almost, like, impulsive, but it's a good kind of impulsive. So if you run with it, it'll shift a lot of things for you too.

Okay.

So drink water, take a warm shower. Watch out for dreams, animals. I'm gonna look for your YouTube. And then the thing with the numbers, when you mentioned patterns.