Dr Greg Bahnsen - Proverbs: Proverbs 14:17, 29 (Slow to Anger) (Part 59)

We continue to expound the book of Proverbs. This morning we're in the 14th chapter. And this morning we'll be looking at verses 17 and 29 and a number of other passages, a large number of passages actually, about anger. In the Book of Proverbs we'll have as our reading verses 17 and 29 of the 14th chapter. Hear now the word of God. He that is soon angry will deal foolishly, and a man of wicked devices is hated. Verse 29. He that is slow to anger is of great understanding. But he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly. And thus far the reading of God's word. I'm so angry I could just spit a terrible expression. You've probably heard that or others like it. You've probably said things like that. You've thought them, even if you haven't said them. We all know what it is to be angry. I don't think there's anybody born of such a placid spirit that they never know. That burning rage that wells up within us sometimes and sadly often overflows and makes us say and do things for which we are later quite embarrassed and ashamed. Anger is something which the Bible has a lot to tell us about. Paul tells us that among the works of the flesh are to be listed hatred, wrath and strife. And he tells us that these are the sorts of things that disqualify one from the kingdom of God. Think about that when that anger is welling up within you. Hatred, wrath and strife disqualify one for the kingdom of God. And So in Colossians 3:8, it shouldn't surprise us that Paul issues a direct command from God. Now you must put off all these anger, wrath and malice. Cut them off, put them away from your life, lay them aside. In fact, among the qualifications for an overseer that are listed in Titus 1:7, Paul puts down that he must not be self willed, not soon angry, a person who has control of his temper. And then in James 1:19, 20, which is probably the book of James, is probably the closest New Testament equivalent to the wisdom literature of the Old Testament. James says, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. For the wrath of man works not the righteousness of God. We need to be aware of that, that the wrath of man, as it is pursued in our natural human state, as we are accustomed to dealing with that emotion as it wells up within us, does not produce divine righteousness. It does not work God's righteousness. And so let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak. I mean, that's a sermon in itself right there. Let's all of us learn that we need to be better hearers, and not nearly so quick, but to put the tongue in gear. Let's make sure we understand the situation. Let's make sure that we have heard the story out completely. Let's make sure that we aren't jumping to conclusions. Let's be slow to speak. But then James adds, slow to wrath. Or as the title of the sermon says, slow to anger. Anger should be something that comes after a lot of provocation, not just a little provocation in our lives. The wisdom that is from above, James says, is first pure then peaceable. The wisdom that God gives, the wisdom that the book of Proverbs details for us in so many toe stomping ways, is a wisdom that is peaceable and that is slow to anger. And yet having said that, by way of introduction, that anger is something that ought to concern us in our sanctification as Christians, we must remember that not all anger is sinful. Part of the problem that Christians have with dealing with anger is that there are times when they should feel anger and deal with it and they get confused because the times that they deal with anger improperly, they feel bad about, and then they won't use anger when they should be using anger and everybody gets real confused. And so let's draw some important distinctions. In the fourth Psalm, David says at verse 4, and then Paul quotes this later in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 26, Be angry and do not sin. David and Paul both tell us that there's a kind of anger which is not sinful, for God commands this kind of anger, the kind of anger that is not infected with sin. Be angry, but don't sin. Sometimes anger is very appropriate and we shouldn't forget that. In the movie that has just recently come out nuts, there's a psychiatrist, a state psychiatrist, who says to the female defendant in the movie, with a rather indicting tone, as she's beginning to really put him on the spot, are we getting angry again? And she retorts something very appropriate, especially in light of the way the movie's set up, but sometimes appropriate for you too. She says, I have a reason to be angry. And that's right, sometimes we do have a reason to be angry. The Bible doesn't. And some Pollyanna form of spirituality say, don't ever be angry. It says, be angry, but don't sin. It's an artificial understanding of Scripture that says that all anger is self destructive. All of it is to be morally shunned. There is some anger that God commands us to have. Notice that in the third chapter of Mark, the Jewish leaders are waiting to pounce upon Jesus for healing a man on the Sabbath day. They can see this coming. They have their end to attack the Lord. Verse 5 says that Jesus looked around upon them with anger being deeply provoked at the hardening of their hearts. The Lord Jesus Christ was angry with his opponents and he dealt with them accordingly. And so you see that if the perfect Son of God can be angry and yet not guilty of sin, not all anger is sinful. There is an anger that God wants us to have in a way in which it can be properly pursued. So understand that anger is not itself sinful. However, and this is a big however. If you've heard everything I've said thus far and you turn off right now, you're going to make a real big mistake spiritually. Here's the big however. For sinners like us, anger is most often, indeed usually, something involving us in sinful attitudes and sinful actions. And it's this sinful kind of anger which is denounced in the Bible and denounced very firmly. Let's ask ourselves in what ways anger can be sinful. I have three categories that we'll cover briefly. First of all, anger is sinful in its commencement. Secondly, anger is sinful in its communication. And thirdly, anger is sinful in its culmination. First, its commencement. We can think of two things, at least two things here. Anger becomes sinful in its commencement when the cause of our anger is self centered or when the cause of our anger is unjustified. I don't suppose there's a person sitting in the room today who doesn't realize and remember that there are times when you have gotten very angry with someone and it's because they crossed something that was one of your desires. Not because they did something unrighteous, but because they went contrary to what you wanted. A very self centered and selfish form of anger, or if you will, a form of anger that arises that's unjustified. I don't say this in defense of your pastor, but I do know that often when I go to people's homes and call on them and say things that have to be said about their spiritual lives, they get angry. That anger is unjustified. At least if I'm telling the truth and I'm doing my job properly, that kind of anger is unjustified. We don't like to be told we're wrong. We don't like to have our feelings hurt. We don't like to have our desires crossed. And when we get angry under such circumstances, the commencement of our anger is sinful. But there's another way in which the commencement is sinful. It's sinful in many cases because our anger is readily and quickly provoked. When our anger is just right underneath the surface, as it were, so that the slightest pricking of that surface brings it out like a fountain. That is not an anger that pleases God, an easily provoked anger, a quick anger. Secondly, anger is sinful in its communication, not just its commencement, but the way we communicate when we get angry. Anger frequently makes us lose our tempers. It causes us to be out of control. Perhaps the most shameful times when we show that we don't have spiritual self control of our lives, is when we get angry. Anger can be communicated in an undisciplined way. It can be communicated in a destructive way. And whenever it is undisciplined and destructive, the Bible says it's wrong. It's sinful is to be put off. The anger that we have must be communicated in measured tones in a way that edifies and builds up and resolves problems rather than exacerbates them. And so anger is sinful in its commencement, it's sinful in its communication. And then of course, it can be sinful in its culmination as well. When anger is allowed to persist in our lives, it becomes resentment, the bearing of a grudge, and that's sinful. It's one thing to be angry, and it's another thing completely to be resentful. God does not allow us to be resentful. And moreover, the Bible tells us that anger can easily produce animosity and produce even violence. Anger can lead us to do things which are destructive, not just in interpersonal relationships, but physically destructive too. It can lead us to be violent people. And even when we aren't outwardly violent, it can harbor animosity in our hearts. And so ask yourself this morning, do you have a short fuse? Do you explode like a volcano? Do you slowly smolder inside when someone has done something wrong? Do you say bitter things in moments like that, do you carry a grudge around with you? In all these ways, anger is of the sinful variety. Not all anger is sinful. But I will say that I think most anger as it's pursued by us human beings and our fallen condition is because it's sinful in its commencement. It's unjustified, it's too quickly provoked. It's sinful in its communication because we lose our tempers and we speak in an undisciplined, destructive way. And it's sinful in its culmination because it leads us to carry animosity and resentment around and even leads us to violence. So let's look at the book of Proverbs and see what the wisdom that is from above would instruct us about dealing with our anger, our sinful anger. How can we come to have a more godlike spirit in our lives? Proverbs 14:17 is where we began our reading and says very simply, he that is soon angry will deal foolishly, and a man of wicked devices is hated. We need a proper evaluation of character. I get the impression you watch the television, you go to the movies, you read things, and what's written today, that we're kind of in a macho age where the person who has this angry response can get results, can demonstrate his character, that he's in control of things, maybe not in control of his temper, but nevertheless he gets things done because he's an angry sort of individual. But we need a proper evaluation of character. The bios is just the opposite. The angry man is the man who has no strength. The angry man is the fool. He that is soon angry deals foolishly. It's the fool who doesn't know how to deal with his anger. It's not somebody we should stand back and respect. It's not somebody we should say, boy, there's somebody who knows how to get his way. That is somebody to be despised who is soon angry. In Proverbs 16:32 we see the other side of the coin. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he that rules his spirit than he that takes a city. There are individuals who have the physical prowess and military ability to take a whole city single handedly or virtually single handedly. And the Bible says, if you know how to control your spirit, you're stronger than that person. You're stronger than the warrior who can take an entire city by violence. If you know how to control the anger that is within you. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And so let's have a proper evaluation of character. Fools are soon angry. Mighty people in the eyes of God, control themselves and are slow to anger. We not only need a proper evaluation of character so that anger is put in its proper light, sinful anger is put in its proper light. We need to see the effects of an angry disposition. The book of Proverbs says in chapter 15, verse 18, a wrathful man stirs up contention. But he that is slow to anger appeases strife. A wrathful man stirs up contention. Sinful anger produces strife. Produces strife in your family. It produces strife at work. It produces strife in all of your social circles. And so whenever we see a contentious situation, and we see a lot of them, I feel badly for those of you who maybe even in this last holiday had a contentious situation in your family. We see this repeatedly. But what I want you to understand is that when you see a contentious situation, be sure there's a hot head near at hand. Contention is impossible unless somebody's angry. And dealing with that anger in a sinful way. The wise man. According to this verse, the wise man is not the one who stirs up strife. He's the one who pacifies wrath. He seeks to prevent strife. He tries to stand above it. A wrathful man stirs up contention. But he that is slow to anger appeases strife. Let's learn from this that quarrels stem from people, not from subject matter. I think we tend to think there are some things even when we are in the right. And we can sometimes say we have a righteous indignation. We can say that the subject matter calls for a really firm response. We still must remember that contentions come from people, from the way they deal with that subject matter. The subject matter itself does not produce the strife. And so even when you're at your best, even when you've been in the right, even when you have the best arguments, you know that sometimes you're wrong in the way you pursue it. The wise man doesn't stir up contention. He's slow to anger. His words are well measured, and he seeks peace. Proverbs 23 reinforces this. Another way of saying the same thing. It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife. But every fool will be quarreling. You see somebody who loves to jump into the midst of an argument. You see someone who is quick to speak, loves to have the real cutting put down. Somebody who is right there when strife breaks out, to do his part. You don't see a wise man. The wise man stands back from it. He says, I don't want to be involved in that kind of dealing. I don't want to be that kind of person. In Proverbs 33 was a very humorous way of putting this point. For the pressing of milk brings forth butter. And the pressing of the nose brings forth blood. So the pressing of wrath brings forth strife. This is an unusual triplet, by the way. In The Book of Proverbs. From a literary standpoint, it's interesting to study this portion of the book in itself. We have three kinds of pressing. The Hebrew word's the same, but of course they have a different meaning from what's being pressed. The pressing of milk means the churning of milk. When you press the milk, you churn it and you get butter out of that. And when you press the nose, that means you punch somebody in the nose. It brings forth blood in the same way when you press wrath. When you push forth your wrath, it brings out strife. Not butter and blood, but now strife. First Corinthians 13:5 tells us that it is a mark of love, that it's not easily provoked. The wise man does not have an angry disposition. He avoids strife, he tries to resolve strife, and he does not do those things that are going to provoke it, carry it on. So we learn that we're obligated to do everything within our power, everything legitimate within our power, to secure reconciliation when there are problems that arise. The Bible says, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. You're not at peace with someone today. I think that's probably going to be true with just about everyone here. There's someone you're not at peace with. The Bible says, make sure that's not your fault as much as it lies in you. Be at peace. The Bible doesn't hold you accountable for the outcome. You may do everything that is right and the other person may still not be at peace with you. But make sure that's because they are responding improperly, not you. Hebrews 12:14 says, Pursue after peace with all men. Pursue it. Most of us are glad to have peace. If it's dropped in our laps, not many of us get up and run after it. Not many of us pursue it, hunt it down, want to really do whatever it takes to get it. Be a person who doesn't press wrath to contention, but pursues rather peace and reconciliation. Proverbs 29:22. An angry man stirs up strife, and a wrathful man abounds in transgression. Here we see another effect of an angry disposition. The first is the social setting of the man that's with an angry disposition is full of contention and strife. But now we see that sinful anger leads to many other kinds of sins as well. Sinful anger is a seedbed of other transgressions against God's law. Let me give you an example. Let's take a man who is angry with his wife, a man who is angry with his wife. This has been known to happen in many cases. Will sometimes do something that is unfaithful to her. But he's unfaithful to her. Not because his sexual appetite is not being disciplined. He's unfaithful as a way of getting even, as a way of inflicting some kind of hurt or emotional distress upon his wife. And so we see how anger leads to another kind of sin. Proverbs tells us as much. The man who is of an angry disposition will have all kinds of transgressions sprout up in his life. Anger leads us to try and ruin the reputation of other people. You know very well that sometimes you have the very cleverly formulated sentence to say about somebody else that you pass on. That is intended not to help that person, not to resolve a problem in that person's life or bring reconciliation with them, but you want others to think poorly of them. Anger leads you to do that. And you see, that is such a monstrous frame of mind. That the sin is not simply that we utter something to hurt someone else. It's that we sit and we contemplate how we can hurt someone else. Anger leads us to plot revenge. It leads us to gossip. Or think of the case of Cain. In fact, maybe we ought to turn to that in our bibles. In Genesis 4, verses 3 to 7. Look what happened when Cain became angry. Genesis 4 at the third verse. And in process of time it came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto Jehovah. And Abel also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And Jehovah had respect unto Abel and to his offering. But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell. Cain wasn't one of those guys who has a poker face who could let things, you know, be churning up inside. He'll never let I know. It was obvious from his face, boy. He was upset. He was angry. But then what happened? Jehovah said unto Cain, why are you angry? And why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, shall it not be lifted up? Notice that if you'll start behaving yourself, Cain, you'll have a happy disposition. Start obeying me. But if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. And unto thee shall its desire be to do and rule over you. And Cain told Abel his brother. And it came to pass when they were in the field that Cain rose up against Abel, his brother, and did what? He slew him. God warned him, said, change your disposition, change your emotions. You're not handling your anger properly. This is not an anger that has an appropriate cause. It's not justified. And if you don't behave properly, sin crouching at the door of your heart will rule over you. And it did. He didn't control his anger, he didn't treat it properly, and he killed his own brother. So the beginning of the human race. Just a terrible, ugly story of what happened when man fell into sin. And the first provocation that we see after man falls into sin is this of anger leading to murder. Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, you have heard it said by them of old, you shall not kill, and whoever shall kill will be in danger of judgment. But I say to you, everyone who is angry with his brother shall be in danger of judgment. Angry people are violent people. Violent people are murderous. And the sin of anger is to be classified with the sixth commandment, thou shalt not kill. Now, you may be thinking, but, Pastor, I've never really thought I'd kill somebody. I might even have said, I'm so angry, I could just kill them. Or maybe I'm even a little more moderate than that. I'm so angry, I could punch them out. I'm so angry, I can just spit at them. But you see, all those are just versions of that motive which the Bible sees as a murderous one, and hatred. Jesus really exposes our hearts when he says, when you are angry with somebody, you're in danger of judgment, the same judgment that comes to a murderer. And so we need to consider the proper causes and the proper responses to anger if it's not going to become the anger Proverbs condemns as foolish, leading to contention and any number of other sins. Proverbs 14:29 is a good place to begin as we consider the causes and responses to anger that God would have us to follow. Proverbs 14:29 says, he that is slow to anger is of great understanding, but he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly. We learned that our anger must be justified. It must be a controlled emotion. You must be slow to anger. What are you supposed to be doing while you're being slow? I mean, what are you supposed to do during this time between the provocation and the anger? Well, you're supposed to be weighing the situation. You're supposed to be thinking clearly. And to see a situation clearly, one must see it calmly. I suppose statistically there's a possibility that I'm wrong here, but I can't remember any case where I saw somebody acting in an uncalm way where they somehow got clarity of vision from their being overwhelmed with wrath. Just doesn't happen. The Bible says, be slow to anger. Make sure your anger is justified. Make sure it's a controlled emotion. Because if you're hasty and getting angry, the Bible says you will promote foolishness. So remember this. You must consider the cause of the anger. Stop and reflect. Be slow to get there. And in Proverbs 29:11, I want to spend a little bit of time on because it deals with, I think, our prevailing problem. My prevailing problem. When it comes to anger, we like to just let it come out. A fool utters all his anger, but a wise man keeps it back and stills it. A fool speaks his mind. When he gets angry, he lets it all come out. He gets it off his chest. But that getting it off your chest is not in accord with God's word. The Bible would tell you to stop and think first. Don't say just whatever comes into your mind. Keep your finger there at 2911 and look at 2920. See thou a man that is hasty in his words. There is more hope of a fool than of him. The Bible says, don't say whatever comes into your mind. Think about it and weigh the consequences of what you're going to say. Proverbs 25:28. He whose Spirit is without restraint is like a city broken down and without walls. There's a man who is completely without a defense when he can't control his spirit. And so stop and think. Don't say whatever comes into your mind. Weigh the consequences. Consider the alternative methods of responding. You have a choice as to how you will respond. There are a lot of alternatives. Consider them. Ask what you want to accomplish in your response. That's probably the biggest thing. What is it you're trying to get if you want to cut the other person down? Or is it that you want to build the other person up? Do you want to push the distance between you and the other person further apart? Or do you want to draw closer to that person? You have to ask, what do I want? Because what I want will determine how I respond. Make sure you have the whole story. Read people in the best possible light. Quiet your feelings. Count to 10. I mean, we've heard all this advice. It's part of our proverbial wisdom. But it's all based upon the inspired proverbial wisdom of God's Word. God's Word says, don't be quick to speak A fool utters all his anger, but a wise man keeps it back and quiets it. We need to honestly call a spade a spade. I think we need to stop using phony excuses that are really generated by an unbelieving world around us. Our feelings, even our anger, can be checked and it can be kept under control. Sometimes I deal with people or deal with myself, sadly, when we've been angry and shamefully so, and we'll say things like, I just couldn't help it, I just had to speak my mind, or it's just my nature to get things off my chest. Rationalizations, each and every one of them. It is just not true that you can't control those things. You know, if the phone were to ring while you're erupting in anger at someone in your family, you would find it possible to go to the phone, answer it, never give a hint that there's anything wrong, hang up the phone and go right back to your anger. The reason you're chuckling is because you probably all have done that. I have, you know that you can control your anger. That proves it, doesn't it? That shows that it is under your voluntary control. So when we say, I just couldn't help it, had to get it off my chest, it's just my nature to do forget it. That's an excuse and a sinful excuse for sinful behavior. So when we want to keep our feelings in and under control, we are able to do it. Think about how you'd respond if you're speaking to your boss. Or maybe that's not a good example for some of you. Think of how you would respond when you're speaking to someone you respect or someone that you don't want to lose face in front of. You see, whenever we deem it important enough, we can control our tempers. And the very sad, shameful thing is that we haven't placed enough importance on our family or on our friends or on our Christian congregation. We have not considered important enough in those settings to control our tempers. I've known people who have an attitude of, well, who cares? What's the use in learning to control your temper? But you see, when you respond that way, you're really indicting the level of your love for your family members, those you work with, those you worship with, and perhaps indicting also the self centered focus of your love when you say, you know, I just can't help it, what difference does it make? What's the use? Who cares? All those responses of indifference are responses that show that you don't love. And so this verse In Proverbs, Proverbs 29:11 tells us, the wise man holds back and quiets his anger, unlike the fool. Because feelings don't tyrannize the wise man. He rules over his. They don't rule over him. And so how should we respond when we get angry? I'm going to differentiate between two different settings. One is when the person who has angered you is a brother or a sister in Christ. The other is when you can't approach the person or the person's not a believer. I think that pretty much covers all the circumstances. The only other ones that I can think of are impersonal circumstances we get angry about. I'm angry that it's raining today and we had a picnic planned. But that's another sermon we will come to. Because you see there, your anger is directed at God, isn't it saying God, you're not controlling the world the way I want you to. Didn't you get my agenda? I sent it to you last week. I said I wanted a happy sunshiny day. Well, that's a terrible attitude toward the Almighty, and it's one that we will deal with. But I'm going to this morning concentrate on anger directed at persons that we often get provoked by. First, the person who provokes you is a brother or sister in Christ. The Bible would tell you to show restraint and self control in your anger. We've seen that it says, be slow to be irritated, quiet your spirit, ponder how to speak. But nothing that we said so far suggests we should simply internalize our wrath. Nothing I've said so far means we should just clam up. Because after all, there are circumstances where the person who has angered us needs to be confronted. They have done, or at least we perceive that they have done something wrong. And anger must be dealt with promptly in such a circumstance, not allowed to turn into resentment. That's why Paul says in Ephesians 4:26 be angry and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. In Matthew 5, verses 21 to 24, right after Jesus teaches that a person who is angry with his brother is guilty of judgment. He says, if you're offering your gift at the altar, engaging in an act of worship, and there you remember that your brother's angry with you, he's put your gift down, go and be reconciled to your brother, then come back and worship. Because reconciliation takes priority over worship in these passages, don't let the sun go down upon your Wrath. Don't worship God when you're not reconciled with your brother. In these passages, we learn the urgency of resolving the cause of our anger when it is something that is a justified anger, or at least perceived to be a justified anger. Christians are not supposed to let a day pass with unresolved anger stored up in their hearts because yesterday's resentments are too heavy a load for us. We don't do so well dealing with the sinful situations of today. And so we're not supposed to carry around yesterday's. We're not supposed to anticipate tomorrow's. Live one day at a time. Don't create grudges. Don't carry an alienation in your heart, because time is not going to heal all wounds. And if time doesn't do it, then you must take the time. You must take the time right away to deal with your anger toward another person. Sadly, we often harbor anger within ourselves, but then act as though nothing is wrong, don't we? That really tears the Christian church up. Of course, having a short fuse and blowing up at everybody would tear up a congregation pretty quickly too. No doubt about that. But I think the prevailing way of pursuing alienation in our midst is just to hold it inside and pretend there's nothing wrong. And when we do that, we play the part of a hypocrite. We don't tell the truth, we don't walk in the truth. We live a lie. We not only live a lie, we refuse to follow the clear commands of Scripture. Let me give you an example. Leviticus, the 19th chapter, verses 17 and 18. Leviticus 19 at the 17th verse. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart. Thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor and not bear sin because of him. Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. I am Jehovah. Interesting. Jesus said this summarizes as the second great command of the law. This summarizes the demand of God, love your neighbor as yourself. And right in the paragraph where it's found what Jesus is. I'll get it right, right in the paragraph from which Jesus quotes what we find is the command that we aren't to bear a grudge, we are to rebuke our neighbor. We are not to be resentful. The Bible says you don't carry it around inside. The matter must be dealt with. And as we've seen already, immediately it must be dealt with faithfully. It must be settled so that Communication and love are not impaired. And so how do you approach the person that you're angry with? Please don't have the idea that since you perceive yourself to be in the right and the other person to be in the wrong, you can say just anything you want. They have it coming. This may be one of the greatest marks of sanctification and spiritual maturity that we learn how to approach people who have angered us. Ephesians 4:29. Paul. Paul says, when you approach the person that you're angry with, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. The word unwholesome means putrid or rotting. Let no word that's garbagey come out of your mouth. But rather, Paul says, use only such speech as is good for edifying, as the need may be, so that it may give grace to them that hear. What Paul condemns is the kind of speech that tears people down and tears people apart. He condemns words that are unfair, words that are bitter, words that are unkind, words that are violent, words that, to put it in a nutshell, only complicate the situation, only complicate the problem. So we're not to approach the person with whom we are angry in order to embarrass that person. We're not to approach that person in order to hurt that person. And I think that's where we really get off the track. Even when we think we're in the right and the other person needs to be confronted and we have this righteous indignation, we think we have the full support of God's Word behind us, impelling us through this confrontation. We decide that the confrontation is meant to do what? To show this other person where they stand, to embarrass them, or even worse. I think sometimes that confrontation arises from a motive that wants to hurt the other person. Paul says, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and railing be put away from you with all malice. Don't you dare approach another person about their sins that have angered you if you're doing it in a malicious spirit. But be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you. And so you see how our anger becomes sinful. It becomes sinful when we are led to use harsh and cutting words, when we don't display a tender hearted attitude, and when we have not come to the offender with the intention of forgiving him or her. Well, there's a good test. Go to the person. But then ask yourself before you go, am I going because I want to forgive this person? Am I going? Because I want to make it clear there's something standing between us and they really are at fault for it. Paul says, be willing to forgive. Show a tender heart. At the very time when from a human standpoint, it seems like you have the right to come down on the other person. Don't be tender hearted, don't be malicious. Speak only edifying words. Try to bring about a constructive and positive resolution of the situation. I remind you, no Christian has the right to refuse forgiveness to a repentant brother or sister in the Lord. So when you approach someone who is a believer about something that angers you, you must approach them only in the spirit of wishing to forgive and never refusing that forgiveness when they ask for it. In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches us that, doesn't he? He says, if we won't forgive others what they have done to us, how can we expect God to forgive us what we've done? That's a tough one. That gets real tough when someone, for instance, has been offended in a marriage covenant and the offending partner is repentant and the offended party decides, I won't repent. I mean, I won't forgive even if there has been repentance. We have to really put our Christian theology to work at a time like that. But it's not just in such dramatic cases as I've described, it's in all the little mundane affairs of life too. What is it you won't forgive someone for doing to you? Well, there shouldn't be anything if that person is willing to repent. And so you go to the person and say, you've angered me, this is what I think you've done wrong. Get the facts straight, hear the whole story, read them in the best possible light, and by all means in a tender hearted spirit, seek to forgive them. When we approach someone with whom we are angry, it has to be an effort to build them up, to get them moving in the right direction. And so when we approach the person, our focus is not upon the problem. Our focus is to be upon the solution of the problem. The problem is just the occasion for our coming. It's not the whole subject matter of our discussion. But now, having said that, I must tell you that doesn't mean you approach everybody about everything. It is a serious mistake. Having learned the lesson that we must confront those who anger us, to think we must always do that in every circumstance, I sometimes wondered, I thought at a time as I wondered about this, that maybe people in the reformed churches tended to be angrier People than those who were in fundamentalist evangelical churches. It just seemed like they have an angry disposition. You go to other churches and everybody's always so sweet and light. I mean, everything's just so bubbly in all these other church. And you've seen that, too. That's why you're giggling out there. You know, that's true. But I decided that I was wrong in thinking reformed people are angrier than others. I just think that their error in dealing with anger is of a different sort than the error that's being dealt with in fundamentalist churches. That bubbly everything is, you know, great is not the way to deal with anger. Are you going to tell me there's no sin in fundamentalist churches? There's no sin outside reformed circles? Everybody lives at perfect peace and harmony and love with one another. Forget it. It's just not true. But you see, the way of dealing with it there is we hide everything we're supposed to forgive and never confront. That's wrong. And so what we do is reform people. We say, oh, well, that's wrong. Here's what the Bible says. You got to confront the person. You've got to go to them, do all that, and then we draw the wrong conclusion. I've got to be somebody that's censorious and always harping on things. I've got to always be speaking my mind. You see, that's just an equally mistaken way of dealing with anger. Turn to Proverbs 19:11. You'll get my point. Proverbs 19:11. The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. The word discretion. There is a similar word in Hebrew for wisdom. The man of wisdom and discretion is slow to anger. And here being slow to anger is defined as having the glorious ability to pass over a transgression. I have a quote here from J. Adams, competent to counsel one of the best writers on this subject of confrontation. And yet, in the very first book in which he published this stuff, I want you to hear what he says. This does not mean that others must be confronted about every sin which they have committed. There are many matters that can be covered over by love. As Peter says, quoting Proverbs, love covers a multitude of sins. Yet there are some things that cannot be set to rest simply by covering them with love. They continue to rattle around down inside. They fester and eat away. Such problems need to be settled daily by personal confrontation. And so Dr. Adams, you see, classifies offenses against you in two ways. There are Those which, in love, you can pass over. And if you love someone who's ever said something to you that you didn't like, that has done things that are irritating and you've been able to say, because I love them, I don't have to bring them down and confront it. You know what he's talking about. Love covers a multitude of sins. But then there are those things that rattle around that love doesn't cover over and help you to forget what you lay in bed worrying about, what you drive down the street getting angry about, things that you can't put aside. And then he says, you must confront that person and resolve these things before the sun goes down. He quotes Proverbs 17, 9. He who covers an offense seeks love. But he who brings up a matter again alienates a close friend. Love covers over the matter. It doesn't keep harping on. It doesn't bring it up again. And having quoted that, Dr. Adams then says, whenever possible, love lets offenses go by. If it were necessary to confront one another about every problem that occurred, especially in a home, there would hardly be time for anything else. When we learn to love, we also learn to cover, to forget, and to overlook many faults in others. So we don't want to make the mistake of all those bubbly, lightheaded churches that don't believe you should confront people that have done something legitimately wrong that angers you. But please, in correcting that error, let's not go to the extreme of never overlooking a fault, never covering it in love, never being willing to say, well, they're growing by God's grace. I don't have to needle them on this. The man who is slow to anger finds it his glory to pass over an offense. I'm loath to ever use myself as an example in the pulpit, except for bad things, because that's the way I see my life. But I was humored by a recent illustration that maybe would be helpful in illustrating this. I think most of you know, because it was published in the communique of this woman who wrote a really scathing letter to me about my book on homosexuality. Said some really, you know, lambasting things and insulted my intelligence and so forth. And someone at school heard about that and wanted to know, Dr. Bonston, are you going to write back, put this woman in her place? I said, no, nothing was going to be accomplished by that. It is occasionally for me and always for the righteous man. The glory, glory to overlook an offense. What's going to be promoted if I respond, Sometimes the wise man who has discretion, says, I don't want to get involved. But then we have to deal with people also who are not believers. Sometimes we deal with people who anger us that aren't even approachable. You may be working for a corporation, and there may be somebody out in Ohio somewhere, an uppity up in the corporation, who made a decision that is impinging on your life and being unfair to you, and you're really angry about that, and you can't even talk to them. There may be people in the government of the United States making decisions that are doing things to us that we're angry about. There may be people at school that you can't get to. You may not even know the name of the person who makes you angry. But you know, somebody did something and it's really got you. What do you do when you can't get to the person? Or what do you do when the person that you could get to is not a believer, and so you can't approach them on the redemptive principles that we've been talking about? Psalm 37:8 instructs us, Cease from anger and forsake wrath. Fret not thyself, for it tends only to evil doing. How are you going to do that? The Bible says, drop it. Just cease from being angry. Well, you just can't do that because you're told to. You know, you really got something that's eating away at you. And I come to you and I say to your pastor, the Bible says, stop being angry. You say, okay, stop being angry. Someday we'll reach the level of sanctification where that'll work maybe, but it just won't work now. And so let's read Psalm 37 in context, and we'll see how God expects us to obey that command, to cease from anger and forsake wrath. Psalm 37, beginning at the first verse. Fret not thyself because of evildoers. Neither be thou envious against them that work unrighteousness, for they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. Trust in Jehovah and do good. Dwell in the land, and feed on his faithfulness. Delight thyself also in Jehovah, and he will give thee the desires of thy heart. Commit thy way unto Jehovah. Trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass. And he will make thy righteousness go forth as the light, and thy justice as the noonday. So rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for him. Fret not thyself because of him. Who prospers in his way because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass, cease from anger and forsake wrath. Fret not thyself. It tends only to evildoing, for evildoers shall be cut off, but those that wait for Jehovah shall inherit the land for yet a little while. And the wicked shall not be. Yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and he shall not be. This is heavy theology. David says, you can put away your wrath if you remember the presence and the justice of God. Commit your way to him. Trust in him, because God will mow down the wicked like grass. The day is coming where you'll look for their place, and they won't be there anymore. The justice of God will settle the score. So put your trust in him. Commit your ways to Jehovah. Don't be controlled by those out there that you can't do anything about. And so in that theological framework, with that state of mind when you look at the world that way, then you can say, here's this unbeliever I can't even get to. We have nothing in common. Maybe he won't even talk to me, or there's somebody so far away that I can't get hold of anyway, but I'm just so angry with them. The Bible says, commit it to Jehovah. He will cut the wicked down in their day. Trust him. Okay, before we end this morning, I know this is taking a long time, but there's a lot about anger in the Bible. Let's learn some ways we can control our anger. We've seen how we should not respond to it. We've seen how we should respond to it. Finally, what does Proverbs say about learning to control our sinful anger? Proverbs 22, verses 24 and 25 tells us that one of the keys to learning to control your anger is to hang around with the right people. Make no friendship with a man given to anger and with a wrathful man. Thou shalt not go, lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul. The Bible teaches us very clearly that if you associate with friends who live by high and exemplary standards, those who are mature enough to be a model for you to emulate that, you'll learn to be like them. You'll learn to imitate the pattern of your companions. So hang around with someone who shoots off his mouth, someone who's easily provoked, and you know what you'll find out? You start shooting off your mouth and you're easily provoked. You See his way of coping and it becomes your way of coping. Spend some time with people that control their anger, who measure out their words cautiously, and you'll find yourself learning to cope with problems with a similar restraint. It's distressing in pastoral counseling when you talk to people about the difficulties they want to overcome, and they look for some kind of magic formula or some real difficult task they have to perform in order to gain control over their sins. Usually the answer in pastoral counseling situations is ABCs. I hate to de romanticize the office, but being a pastor is a matter of disposition, pressing the ABCs over and over and over again. You want to learn to control your anger. One of the first things I'll tell you is look at who you're hanging around with. Start hanging around with people who show you a model of reserve when they're provoked, people who are slow to wrath. And lo and behold, you'll find that when you're provoked, that'll come to your mind and you'll learn to act like they do. Hang around with an angry man. You'll learn his ways. So stay away from friends who don't control their anger. Secondly, Proverbs 17:14 says, you better prevent quarrels before they really get started. The beginning of strife is as when one lets out water. Therefore leave off contention before there is quarreling. You got a dike holding back the water. Put a little hole in the dike, nice earthen dam, holding it back, letting out of water. You know what will happen if you let the water run through that little hole. It eats away at it and eats away at it, and pretty soon you've got a real crack in the dike and pretty soon a flood. The beginning of strife is like the letting out of water. Therefore leave off contention before there is quarreling. We've got to learn to prevent quarrels before they get started. That's a very difficult matter, however, if a small trickle is continuing to run unstopped. So the Bible is telling us, take immediate action to keep things from getting worse. Each nasty word that is exchanged, each cross comment that is exchanged in a quarrel only leads to a slightly nastier word and a slightly nastier comment from the person you're dealing with. You ever seen this happen? I'll bet you've seen it in your families. I see it in my family. I see it when I go to people's homes and they're quarreling in their marriage. Somebody will say something that's just a little edge to isn't kind and tender hearted. And this person has to respond. And that response, you see, has a little nastier edge to it, which provokes this person to get nasty, which provokes this person to get real nasty. Which provokes. And you see, you have this thing that's just out of order. You know, you have to say, stop. No one talk until you learn to put an end to this. Don't let the water keep running out, it becomes a flood. Put an end to it immediately so you won't get a full scale feud. Proverbs 15:1 tells you how you should deal with somebody who's angry. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a grievous word stirs up anger. You have someone who's angry. You live with an angry person. You work with an angry person. You come to church and you get an angry response from somebody. Answer them softly. A soft answer turns away wrath. Don't be silent because you are supposed to give an answer. It says here. But don't reply in kind because a grievous word will stir up the anger. Rather, return a soft answer, a word that is conciliatory, not inflammatory. And then the crescendoing that I talked about will be put an end to. Proverbs 15:28. The mind of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. If someone talks to you in an angry way, ponder how to respond. Respond in measured tones with just the right words and a soft answer. And one more point from Proverbs, and we'll have to bring this long lesson to an end today. Proverbs 19:19. A man of great wrath shall bear the penalty, because if you deliver him, you must do it again and again. There's a real important principle that we're taught here. It's not enough for us merely to handle specific crises that arise that make us sinfully angry. You will not deal with the anger that's inside you. You will not help the person that you're trying to help with their anger if you only deal with specific crises. Here it says that an angry man has got to be delivered over and over again. In the end, we have to break the underlying personal pattern of anger. And how do we appropriate the right way of dealing with anger? By appealing to God. The fruit of the Spirit, Paul says, is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self control. If you're an angry person, you need to pray that God will give you the fruit of his spirit. Only the Spirit's work in your life. He's going to break the pattern Pastor may come in, a parent may come in, a loved one may come in, a friend may come in and deal with the individual crises. But an angry man must be delivered over and over again unless the pattern of anger is done. And so pray for the fruit of the Spirit. And above all, meditate on the character of God. Meditate on the character of God. The title of this morning's message is Slow to Anger. It's taken from James and Proverbs. But you see, that expression in the Bible comes long before James and Proverbs comes From Exodus, chapter 34, as a matter of fact. Let me set it up for you. Moses went up from Mount Sinai to receive the 10 commariments, the tables of stuff. While he was there, Aaron gave in to the pleas of the people to make a golden path to worship Jehovah. The wrath of God burned fiercely against these people for their idolatry. And Moses came down from the mount and he broke the tables of stone at the base of the mount to show the wrath of God and the wrath of God's servants. And he burned the gold calf and he crushed it into powder and put it in the drinking water and made the people drink the golden calf down. God took back his presence. God threatened to kill the people. And Moses stood in the gap. Moses said, God, don't do that. Kill me. God had said, moses, I'll raise up the people through you and I'll wipe out the idolaters. Moses said, no, kill me. Okay. And God withdrew his presence and the people were in distress. And Moses prayed at the 10th of meeting. And the cloud descended again. Then God called Moses back to Mount Sinai and said, bring two more tablets with you. I want you to see how God speaks in verse six of this chapter. And Jehovah passed before Moses and proclaimed, Jehovah. Jehovah, Jehovah, a God, merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant love and kindness and truth. Moses, you need to know who you're dealing with. I am Jehovah and I am slow to anger. The Psalmist in Psalm 1003:8 says, the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide, neither will he keep his anger forever. If you're having trouble controlling that sinful anger that's within you, meditate on the character of God and how he deals with you and deals with his people. A God who is slow to anger. Can you imagine what our lives would be like if God were to respond immediately and with Full justice to all of our sins. Praise God. He will slow to respond. Slow shows anger. Not that he won't. Not that the day of judgment is put off forever. But he is slow to deal with these things. That's likewise, learn to have a wisdom that is from above that imitates the very character of God, merciful and gracious, abundant truth and slow anger. We confess, Father, that not one of us here today is perfect with respect to all that we've studied. From your word we know that there is so much in your word about the sin of anger, about the sinful use of anger we need to learn and put into practice. We would ask simply today that you would take away our rationalizations for our bad tempers and that you would put in your place a serious meditation upon your character and your love. A love that is not easily provoked. Now we thank you that your anger is slow to arise and that you do not keep it against us forever. Now we thank you that you sent one white Moses of old to stand in the gap. That you sent one through whom you could have raised up a people pleasing to you, one who was willing to die, however, in our place, that your wrath would be turned aside, one who secured propitiation with the Almighty. Thank you, Father, for showing us the way to deal with anger. Please turn your anger away and make us a people that do not fall into the trap for simply expressing ourselves in an angry way instead of in a way that shows forth your wisdom. We pray in Jesus name.