AIUS QualityMind Week 11

You know, management of expectations, isn't it, when we're dealing with these scenarios. And interestingly, I caught up with two people yesterday and we had similar conversations about one whose mum had passed away about 18 months ago and someone else whose mum's sort of in critical care at the moment and, you know, similar age to all of us and that sort of stuff. And it's. Yeah, it's pretty super challenging. But it does seem that the sooner we get to grips with kind of the situation and then it allows for a bit of the empathy to flow and then it seems almost that that's the breaking point when everything gets just that little bit easier, you know, the, the acceptance and it just sucks.

You know, with how you want your kids to manage you as well, you know, and sort of accepting that and going, gosh, I don't want these challenges for my kids as I move into that age group. So what are the things that I need to put in place?

Yeah.

You know, to help alleviate that stress and pressure and, you know, if I do start to go down that pathway, I want to, like. I think I've caught the conversation probably at the right time. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Where she's still, you know, reasonably compass mentis around going, yep, I understand what you're saying. Yes, I do feel the same. All right, okay. Let's, let's, let's look at this from a position of love. You're in your, you know, you're trying to stick your nose in my business kind of thing.

So tough work, you guys.

Back to you guys.

Stick at it, fella. Stick at it. Hello, Mimi, how are you?

Hi, I am good. How are you?

Yes, very well. So a bit of excitement for the this week Today, Mimi and I are going to have breakfast and then do some work together, actually in the same room, which is pretty cool. And once I can work out with Kalpak and Rahini at some stage this week, we'll do the same. So it's really co cool I get to meet and work with people. So it's actually pretty groovy.

I thought you're going to do the camera setup where it was going to be you guys and you were just like sitting next to each other.

Just so horrifically tough to get across this side of town that early. And people aren't early risers here. Whereas I'm waking up at like three going, oh, come on, go back to sleep. It's a long day ahead. All good? All good. Well, team, first of all, lovely to have you all here as always. For week 12 of our 12 week transformation boot camp. Bit exciting for me. Anyway. Week 11, right, week 11. My apologies. Week 11 of the 12 week Quality Minds boot camp. So, yeah, great to have you all here together again as per usual. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to make life a little bit easier on Mitch this week and entirely skip through all things box breathing. But you know, great to have everyone here and chat through. But what I will do, and please excuse me, I'm working a little bit of a different setup today as I am out of my office. So forgive me if it's all a little bit clunkier today than usual. So I'm just going to ask you to confirm. Can you see that screen okay over there? Yep, nice and clear.

There we go. It's clearing up. There were some boxes hanging out. The boxes.

There's some lag in my screen, I guess because of the issue.

There is also a good chance that. I'm. Sorry, what I'll do is it's slightly risky but I'm going to turn off the VPN because I think it's just adding a little bit of lag. Again, apologies for this, guys. It's just a bit. There we go. So, yeah, it might be slower. I'm running a slight, as I said, a slightly different setup and hopefully now that's.

I still see a box right over.

Don't know why. It's pretty. How about that box? Gone.

Yeah, yeah, gone.

Ah, fantastic. Everyone's happy now. Everyone's happy now. Indeed. Alrighty, so we've all had a bit of a challenging week. I know. Rahina, you had a whole stack of family stuff on this week, is that correct?

You're on.

Yes, that's. Yeah, that's. That's right. Festive week. Very hectic, hectic, festive for all of us, but a very fantastic festive week.

Oh. So a fantastic but tiring festive week. Excellent, excellent. How did everyone go with the. The Q map this week? What sort of comments have you guys got for me about the bubble pops? Maybe the body balance or the journaling about the gratitude? I saw some really good gratitude this work. Guys, what would like to add in there? Ken, I'm going to go to you because you're on the left of my screen at the moment. Yeah.

Now the, the grateful thing in the. You know, I hate to say that I ran out of things to be grateful about or I was stretching towards the end, but I was stretching towards the end on that seventh day.

Yeah, yeah.

But no, I mean, it was, it was a good exercise. Kind of, you know, brings it back into perspective, you know, while we're. Why we're doing this, you know, as far as like, you know, what are the. What are the things we have that are. That give us meaning to what we do? Right. And that was really a good reflection for myself for the week.

Yeah. Nice one. Nice one, Mitch. I saw you put up some great pics there, of course, of nature along the way in a couple of different locations, actually.

Yeah, yeah, I, I'm not sure where I sent that was. I think I did put a few daily thoughts through over the weekend, which is a little bit more challenging and I think a bubble as well I popped. Yeah, the body balancing, I think, as I said to market was good down in Melbourne. Managed a couple of good runs early in the morning to kind of clear my mind before taking on, you know, those big days. Big days which mum. Which helped a lot, sort of reduced a lot of the anxiety. But yeah, I was a bit all over the shop so I'm not sure. I know I was putting stuff in, but I'm not sure how much actually put in over the weekend for that.

Yeah. And I think, I mean, and as, as I, you know, PMd you through the weekend, it's, it's the time we need it the most that is the hardest time to do this work. It really is because it feels like we've got no time, no energy, no desire and it can feel just absolutely exhausting. But you know, it is really the persistent resist and even if you're able just to get out for those couple of runs, you know, even if they do just give you that bit more presence, I think that's, you know, a great piece of work there. So, yeah, really good work. And Rahini, how did you go on the app in amongst your really busy week this week?

Not much English with the app. Maku, how much of I could do it, I think I've done it but from the previous week, in comparison to the previous week, I think I've had slowed down. On the upside, there's no time to look at the phone actually it was that bad. But yeah, whatever I could do from. In spite of the busy thing, I think I've managed to do it.

Oh, good work. And I think, look, so the key is now, and this is one of the things that happens after we finish up our 12 weeks together, is to really make sure we keep getting back on the wagon, you know, so when there's a break in Momentum, it's just a restart and it's just a mental thing of, okay, that's passed, get back into it. Because we've all explained that we feel better, Headspace is better, we're more productive, sleeping better, looking after ourselves better. So it's really important, especially today and especially stepping after this program when we finish, to keep up the behaviors, to make sure they continue to lock in and stay part of you. Mimi, kpac, anything further to add there?

No, I, I've, I really got motivated. Like, you know, the, the, I mean, Ken has like, you know, kept sending messages of gratitude and that like, you know, really helped as well. And like, you know, like I informed that I have been watching that, like, you know, series as well and I, like, you know, my thoughts kept coming up and I have, like, you know, kept journaling and I've kept adding my thoughts. So it was like, you know, a good engagement with the app, but no bubble flops for the last week. But it has been a pretty good, good week in terms of like, you know, good feedback, motivated, like, you know, quite high on energy. Yes.

Oh, good to hear. Good to hear. Fantastic. Alrighty. Well, with that in mind, having said that, Mimi, you had a really low week. So what's going on there with the app? If you've had a great week, but nothing's going on in the app, but even so, Mitch, you've had a, you've had a tough week. Rahini, you had a tough week, but these numbers are actually still higher than when you started off in the program. And we're having good weeks. So whilst there's this reflection around. Well, wasn't as good this week had other things going on. These numbers don't lie and the numbers do clearly show that even when you're under pressure, you're still finding a few times a day to connect and the connection is important. So overall it's really good. I mean, I don't know what ken's doing to do 93. What are you doing, Ken? Have you hacked into the database or something? What is that, 13 times.

I suck, Ken at number 11 in the leaderboard. Yeah, once.

So I can't get, I can't get the number 10. I'm telling you, whoever's above me, they're the ones hacking the crap out of that, that act. But yeah.

It'S.

No, I mean, it was just the extra journaling, I think, this week, you know, like, because, you know, it's like I was journaling every day and then doing the, the gratefulness journaling. Was just adding to it.

Yeah, the, the gratitude. I'm actually. So one of the things I've committed to with the coaching is to continue trying to be coach to myself and I've been lucky to get in with into a small group with a guy called Craig Harper in Australia. And it's really cool to be coached when you're coaching because it kind of opens you up a bit bare and it just keeps coming back that the things people do to improve themselves. One of the five pillars is always around this awareness piece and the awareness always includes meditation and it seemingly always includes journaling because that seems to be what opens the doors to people awareness about themselves. And also the journaling becomes a bit of an accountability partner as well as. Because we are writing to ourselves and when we're given the key questions to write about it's. It's really quite fascinating. So looking for our weeks 1 to 10. Really good work there overall. Continue pushing ahead. We've literally now got two more weeks to go guys so you know, it's fantastic. I'm super. You know, I, I wish all of you hadn't had your various challenges along the way or the things that got in the way or have made things a bit tougher for you. But a three month window of time, that is absolutely inevitable because that's life. And it's great to see the progress and it's great to see the crew consistently up in that top sort of 20% of all the people doing programs at the moment. So no matter how you look at yourself on the leaderboard or the points, you're doing more now than when you started. The science shows that the more you do, the greater the habits get and the more benefit you get. And the challenge is just to keep pushing yourself to embrace that Kaizen as you move forward. Alrighty. So today we get to have a little bit of fun and it's a bit of an interactive exercise. We also get to do something which I find to be one of, not only one of the more challenging things to take groups through. This is the fourth time I've gone through the mirror reflection with a group. But we get to look at this designing career and life aspect. Now as I mentioned because we're doing the one on one coaching, I've changed the curriculum a little because we cover off quite a lot of this in the one on ones. And if anyone would like to connect later today after 2:00', clock, which is about six and a bit hours from now, let me know. We can book a slot in to Chat later today, but we talk about designing career and life. And so what we're going to do with this exercise is similar to what we've done before. But rather than focusing on the wealth aspect of it, which I find a bit tough and a bit inauthentic to talk about, is we're going to do this exercise where we've got these seven questions up on the board. What I'd like you to do is to pick two or three of them. We're going to give you, say, three minutes to work through these, to just write a few bullet points and to share them. And what I'd like you to go away and do is to take those bullet points and then rebuild them back into your vision statement. And now the vision statement I've actually got up on my website, which I'll send to you later on so you can go through that more guided vision statement process. Kalpak and Rahini, I'm actually doing this at extension next Wednesday, going through the vision statement as we spoke about. So what I'd like you to do is to look at two or three of these things and one of the ones I want you to pick, so you have have to do three. And one you must do is what are you really good at? So you must all answer that question and two others of your choosing as we go along. And then what I want you to do is record those answers and we'll rebuild them into the vision as we step forward for next week. Okay, so I'll give you, say, three minutes now. Everyone good with that, comfortable with the instructions, knows what they've got to do. Excellent. All right, three minutes from now. Go for it.

So is this a, is this a current assessment Mark, are you saying, or is this a vision? A vision assessment like what you think we should, what where to respond, as in what we would like to learn in the, in the future.

So I'm saying you do it now, but what it does, it then becomes a feeder into your vision statement. You know, what do you like to, you know, you know, what sort of hours do you work? So talk about it in your ideal vision sense. What you're good at is obviously what you're good at now, but you can also say something you're working on that you are good at because it becomes that positive affirmation in the present sense in the vision statement in the future.

Okay.

Is that cool?

Yep.

Thank you. So just give me a thumbs up on your screen when you're ready or if you need another minute. Ken's Good, Good to go guys. Yeah, I think I'm seeing some smiles, but just while the others finish up. Ken, tell us about your ideal bit of career business. What are you good at?

Turn my mute out there. I really, I mean for me, what I know I'm good at and you know, kind of ownership always shown like a proficiency for is technology. Even from a young age to when I'm older, I just seem to understand it. I seem to, you know, even when the interfaces changes or you know, evolutions of software or things like it, I seem to just always really kind of be, it's more intuitive to me. Like I'm just good at working with technology. But one of the things I also feel like I'm really good at is mentoring other leaders. I put a lot of time and energy into learning how to do that and I feel like I've coached a lot of young managers and, and even kind of people in the middle of their leadership career to better ways of being a leader.

Excellent. Yeah. And I can, I can certainly see that in you and just pick one of your other answers for your, you know, for your vision for your ideal self. What was it? What's one of the others you'd like to share?

Yeah, the, the what is most rewarding about my work and it's really.

It'S.

Kind of that connection I get from people when I see them using products I've built or using advice I've given. Right. It's, it's kind of that full circle for me where if I put the time, energy and love into building something and someone gets it and it does help them, I love that. That's, that's a great joy for me.

Fantastic. Nice one. Thank you, Ken. Calpac, your next up. What are you really good at?

Yeah, so I'm, I'm probably good at managing projects as well as in people management.

So that's what I need you to start again. You're not probably good. I need to know what you're really good at.

I'm good at. Yeah, I'm really good at project management and people management. That's what I would say. And in, in, in terms of the project management, doing it for the last, now more than nine years, nine to 10 years.

So.

Yeah, I can say I, I, I can safely say that I'm, I'm good at it. One more aspect I would, or one more point which, or one more answer which I would like to share is that what sort of work hours do you work so out of like the 16 or 15 odd years I've been working 10 were in a US based company so I had like a very bad working hours though I was I had a better designation while I left that previous company but than what I am I have right now but due to the work odd work hours I couldn't enjoy a lot of things on a personal front like which were there which I could in, in the evening hours or like those sort of things so I quit that job. I took that decision like, like five years back. Now I make sure that to achieve my goals, to achieve my vision, to achieve or share things with my family I made sure that I, I, I, I work only standard arts so that's what just thought to share.

Yeah I think the world needs more of that because I don't know if a lot of the time we get that much more done with those extended hours and work should never make us miserable and sometimes that means finding ways to make a current job better. I think other times it's doing what you did and being brave to change the mechanics. Yeah great work, really good work. So Rahini, you're next up there. If I can ask you to unmute yourself what are you really good at Rohini?

I have not picked up any skill as such, you know technology or project management but what I've written here is.

I'm sorry I'm going to need you to start again and I need from you what I am good at is.

Okay, I am a very hard, I'm a very hard working and committed person with a lot of patience in me. I will blast only once, you know after a lot of patience building up, you know that is when you'll see me losing my cool. Otherwise I think I'm very much hardworking and committed committed person and for everyone.

Else from our one on ones from some of the things that Rahini has shared. One of my biggest comments to her has been her level of commitment and dedication to some of the things that really matter to her in life and it's amazing the work that she puts into the things that matter which are really wholesome endeavors as well. So I can certainly you know identify with that in you Rahini. And which one of the other points would you like to share with us there?

The second one is true to my words. You know, whatever I say you will not find me manipulating my words. You know I'm very true to myself and to everyone. You know, can't really lie, can't manipulate. I'm straight. What I am is what you get. You know my simple funda of life is you take it or you leave it. You know, if you don't like me, you leave it. If you like me, you accept it. Very simple. And that is why many people dislike me also. There are other things also to this, but I'm okay with it. I am what I am.

Do you know, I. Again, this coaching course that I'm doing of the many themes Craig returns back to is that people pleasing is a waste of time. That no matter how good we are, how hard we try, there will always be someone who doesn't see it for what it is. Or as he says it, thinking that other people think the same way we do is like having a sore back and assuming that everyone else has one as well. It is impossible to please everyone. And I think detachment from that is a really powerful sort of superpower to have. So good share. Rohini, thank you very much. Mimi, you're next up there. What are you really good at?

So actually like, you know, when I wrote it down, it sounded a little bit funny to me, but like, you know, not from the point of view that what I'm really good at, I'm really, I'm honest. I'm extremely honest. So whatever. And I'm quite opposite to Rohini. So like, you know, she has a very. Yeah, opposite to Rohini, as in she is really calm and she, like, you know, never loses her cool. I'm quite the opposite. Like, you know, in terms of when you are dealing with different kinds of people in your, like, you know, working with your team and. And, but yes, I'm like, you know, developing the leadership qualities that really needs. And the most funny part is like, and I'm already. And another question which I'm picking is I'm already an entrepreneur, but I have already won a title of 40 under 40 Forbes. Like, you know, I've seen myself winning many awards. So. Yeah. But. But then I know, like, it. Yeah.

Can tell us a bit more about 40 under 40 buggy suite because I've heard of this. That's a pretty amazing award.

Yeah.

So like, it's a, it's an entrepreneurship award. Like, you know, who has. I mean, there are various categories that you need to like, you know, be excellent with great leader, bring like, you know, being a great manager. The, the product or the service that you are working with, you have to be excellent at it and the kind of like, you know, revenue that you have built and the impact that you have created in your society. So all of that matters. I'm. I've like. And I'm reading great leaders. So yes, it, it's just a weird like, you know, imagination.

Fantastic, fantastic. And Mr. P, that hands over to you. Now, I could answer a whole stack of things that you are really good at, but which one are you really good at? Mr. Palmer?

I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm.

What are you really good at? Come on, give me some of that.

I'm good at communicating. I think I've got a good creative mind and I'm really good at solving business problems and finding solutions to problems within businesses. I've got a really good lateral, lateral mind, being able to think end to end across a business, which is probably why I've got a couple of businesses running because there's always a problem to solve and an opportunity to chase. But, but there's a lot of overlap and I think my mind is kind of geared that way. And the nature of me is every time something starts to bore me a little bit, I find something exciting over here which is just helping, lifting me up and I think I take that energy with me, with people and move, move that through and I get a buzz from that. So my second part of this is, you know, what do I enjoy doing? I love solving those problems and they're not all for me. You know, I love, you know, if someone comes to me and says, oh, I'm working on this, I can't find a problem, you know, can't find a solution. You know, I love anything that I can give to them, whether that's time or a solution or an introduction. I get a lot, I get a really big buzz out of even just helping people with their own, with their own problems, their own businesses.

Nice work. Good answer. And again, knowing you well, I can, you know, and gosh, I think for 20 years we've both been self employed, so I can certainly, you know, validate that for everyone else. Yeah, that is entirely you. Also, you get really distracted by all those other things going on normally right at the time when you really need to focus on finishing the other one off, which is what you recently did in getting that indigenous company across the line, as you recently spoke about, which shows some really great developments. So pretty awesome work. Very awesome.

Can I add something marked. I'm so sorry. Yeah, so what, Mitch, just like, you know, rightly said, solutions is one part like, you know, which I think I'm like. And I forgot that term completely. Well, I was like, you know, writing down. But that is one area that I'm also really good at, like in providing solutions. To the people that I'm working with, whether it's a team and whether it's like, you know, people who I'm catering to. So, yes, thanks, Mitch, for popping that thought up.

Good work, good work. All right, well, let's move on a little bit. Some excellent stuff there. So as we're going to cover off at the end, take note of what you've written down, because something I'm going to get you to put together for next week is your revised vision statement, which I'll give you all a link to have a bit of a play with as well. So take note of what you've done, but some great work there, team, so well done. Alrighty, so now, moving on to this next one here, and before we begin it, I'm just going to do a bit of a quick refresher, which was around this whole vibrational energy state discussion we had last week. And in particular, the part that I wanted to pick up on was the whole bit around the energy that we give off to the others around us and in turn, how the way that when we reflect on those other people, you know, who are having a great day, the inspirational leader, that person who walks into the room vibing and who just lifts up the room, then at the same time, that person who walks into the room about to deliver the bad news or the negative sentiment that maybe they don't want to share with everyone, they come with a different energy. And I think the term at the moment is energy vampire that we hear quite a bit about. And so it's this notion of what we give out reflects back to us what we see in others. And in part, the way that we give out our energy or the way that we influence a room in turn impacts others and then in turn they reflect back to us in a degree. So everyone kind of cool with that sort of general sentiment there because we're moving into this aspect called mirror reflections. Now, I will be asking someone, and it's a big ask, I'll be totally honest, to do a bubble pop with us if they're comfortable around relationship that maybe they're working through with a bit of challenge at the moment. So it's a big ask. If not, we'll find a way around that. But work with me on this whole notion of the mirror reflection. So if you imagine that your life planet you exists merely by itself and planet you might be you living on an island by yourself, no other humans, just the nature and the trees and the animals, but there's no one else there. And so in the same way that we think a bit about, well, if a tree falls in the forest, does it still make a noise? Science now says no, because the noise is actually when the mechanical energy hits the eardrum and makes it vibrate. But that's an entirely different story. But if you have a bad day on the island. When you're by yourself, nothing changes. You don't get any emotional feedback from anyone around you. If you have a great day or if you have an emotionally satisfying day. It has no other impact apart from on yourself. Because there's nothing reflecting it back. And particularly when we're looking at the negativity and the things that at times when we're giving out a bad energy or saying the wrong things. We don't get that reflection back to us on what our behavior is having. And the impact that it is having on other people around us. Conversely, if you imagine now on the island, There is now satellites. Or as it is in the world, if the world has satellites around us. Suddenly the Stoics from Greece can see what the Japanese philosophers are saying. Can see what is in the. How do I pronounce it correctly? Carpet bug.

Bug.

Bugs, bug. Struggle with this all the time. There we go. That one there. I could have asked Mimi as well. But suddenly, if our world was surrounded by satellites. We start getting this reflection back of our own ideas to ourself. And a lot of what we develop in terms of our perception of self. Is based on the reactions of those people around us. Sometimes it's as clear as they tell us directly what they think. Other times it might be we behave a certain way, and they behave a certain way. And then, if we're really lucky, we understand their behavior as a reflection of something that we've done. But if we haven't got that awareness. And we haven't got that sense that our own behaviors are being mirrored by those around us. And in turn mirrored back. We sort of miss that opportunity for growth. Is this kind of making sense to you so far? That if we are in the center of our universe. Then what I'm saying is that the people around us are satellites. Who reflect back our actions, our energies, and our intentions. And what's really fascinating about the way this reflection works from all of these other people. Is they can only judge us on our actions. But when we are at the center of our own universe. We also judge ourself primarily on our thoughts. But the thoughts only exist in here. And the reflection we get back from everyone else. Is actually, more often than not, a true Reflection of how we are actually projecting. Because what they see is our actions, what they hear is our words, whether they're reading our letters, responding to our anger and our empathy, our joy, our understanding. I reflect on this a lot in my interactions with my daughter, Jess, that, you know, the way she reacts to me in an argument is nearly always a trigger or a button that I have pushed. And the way this reflection continues on is that ultimately the things that we see in other people are often the things that are resonating with us either long term or in that moment. So, for example, I admire in people things such as Mitch was saying that he, you know, he is a good creator. I like to think that I'm a good creator. So that resonates with me. I love that Rohini is comfortable not being so worried about what other people think. I'm not as good on that one just yet. I'm trying, but I do sometimes beat myself up over the reactions that I get from people. You know, culpact, managing people and taking that brave step to step back. I can relate to that because I've done that before, and I can see that mirror reflection of myself. And you can. The technical issues, Mimi, that intensity that you bring, the way that you work, you know, is something that I can relate to in both a good and a bad sense. And what I'm trying to explain here and what I'll get you all to feedback on in a moment is that most of the time, the people around us who are behaving in a certain way are behaving in a reflection of the signals that we are giving to them in any of the interactions, whether it be that longer historical interaction or something more in the moment. And so the question that I ask of you is, who are the mirror reflections that you are getting back in life? And it is a tough question. It's normally easier to find the someone in your life that is really frustrating you or has frustrated you. And reflecting back on, well, how much of their behavior is to do with the way that I'm projecting myself towards them. Does anyone have any feedback or any thoughts on that before we go to the somewhat scary bubble popping exercise with all of that? Because I see the body language, so I can see Mitch, Ken, and Kalpak have all got their contemplative hand on their face, which has two purposes. One is there's something in there that is triggering, but I don't know why. And the other one is. I'm not gonna say it out loud. It. Yeah, it's not Me. Any comments?

Are we talking. When we're talking about this aspect, are we talking literally. So are we talking about setting up positive mirrors in our life? Are you talking about finding those people that we respect and that we want and value their feedback from? Is that. Is that sort of what we're talking about?

It's an interesting question. So in this context, can you choose your satellites day to day at the moment?

Is it just how we interact or is it. Is it a measure of how we interact with those satellites?

It's all of the above, I think, because part of it is that and thinking, if anyone's willing to do a bubble pop, and this would be great, if not, I can work through. But I'd really love one of you guys to go. One is, if a satellite is really giving back that negative feedback and we sit there and we can actually get to the root of it and say, you know what? No matter what image I project or what signal I project, I still keep getting back that negativity or that anger or that hatred or those aspects of myself that I don't like. And you're not able to change it, then I think you cut the signal to that satellite. But if we look at those people, and more specifically those people in our orbit that have to be there, how can we change? You know, how responsible are or how much responsibility are we willing to take for the signal that we are getting back from them?

And I think, how much, how much do we need to modify our own behavior? Like, where is the line where you feel like you're selling yourself out just to appease situation, such as, like a dominating personality or, you know, an aggressive personality? Like, where is that push and pull, you know, in that, in that line.

Okay, so if we were to do a decision tree on that, where you got to the point where you said, well, to get back to this good reflection from this person, I've got to sell out my values. Is that a satellite that you'd want?

Yeah. No, I'm saying, like, because you kind of across people like that in work and in life. Yeah, and harder in work. Because it could be a manager or it could be a coworker of sorts. So, yeah, you don't want to sell out. But there's also that line going, what is my breaking point where I go, I can't work at this job anymore. I can't work with this person. I can't change, you know, or impact or influence the way that they, you know, work with me or communicate with me. Like you said, it's a decision tree. Like, do I go to a new job? Do I.

Why?

How to, you know, you know what? You know, that's where we sort of looking at this going, where are they? You know, we want those positive people all around us. You know, there's a flexibility in that because every, every person has a good day and a bad day. We just want to be around those people where it is give and take and not always, you know, taking or taking crap from people or things like that.

Mentioned my experience, but I think is what is. You know, I think you find that when you're in that, when you're in that position where you've got that person that is only no matter what you do, you're getting the same signal back from them historically, you'll never cut them off fast enough, never cut them off when they should have been cut off. Like, it always comes to the point because I always kind of want to run the exhaustion, I always want to take it to the end and say, I've done everything I could do. So if they've chosen this, it's their choice. It's no longer a reflection. It's the only signal I'm going to get from that individual or that person. But learning to do it sooner is, you know, in for me more recently was, yeah, I was like, no, no, I've recognized the signal. I'm. I'm not going to do that again. Right. Because I could see it and you could say like, you know, still smells like a burger. It tastes like a shipper. It's a burger. Right. You mean, it's just. That's the way it's gonna be? Because, yeah, I mean, I've, I've, you know, like, like you, you know, like others. I, I probably people please too often or I, I strive for that.

Because.

There'S some energy I get, you know, back from that, from that aspect. But I would say in a reflective state, if you know that you've done what you can, like you're saying, look, I've changed or I've looked at this differently or, you know, the point that I'll usually run up to is where I'm like, they're doing, they're asking me to do something where I know it's just wrong, like ethically, you know, morally, they've hit, they're going to hit the wall. And unfortunately for most of them, you know, for me it's a brick wall. I don't give. Or when they run into it, they, they, they hit it at full speed and look like a crash test dummy when they're done. So yeah, you know, I mean I'll, and I'll warn those folks, it's like they're skirting a line. But I don't know, I've, I found that when I get to that point where the person should have done it sooner. But I can also look and say I did everything I could to try and make that better.

And I, I, I ascribe to that one, Ken, that I think it's always going the step further because then later, in reflection that gives us the peace. There's not a stone that we left unturned. Rahini, I'm, and thank you. I think it's a good reflection. Mitch, I hope that gave you something. But. No buts. Rohini, I was wondering, could you answer back to Mitch's question because you've explained you've developed the skill of maybe not worrying so much about the people pleasing aspect. What comments would you have for Mitch in that one?

I think even I have learned it a very hard way, you know, that the more you try to please people, you yourself fall into that soup, you know, and then thereafter there are other parameters, you know, that come into picture, like blame games and stuff like that, you know, and there's nobody, you are yourself and you're alone there now. Then why please people? You know, because eventually, you know, no matter what you try and how much ever you try, but you, sometimes it happens that, you know, you try to please people. I've seen this, I've never, I've never done this pleasing thing in my life, but I've seen people, you know, every time you keep pleasing your bosses every time. Why, why is the need for you guys to please the bosses? Don't you all trust your hard work? Don't, don't you all trust yourself? You know, let the merit speak, you know, and merit will eventually speak, you know, maybe because of certain politics or certain, this thing. Maybe sometimes, you know, it might be 19, 20, but finally merit is something that will take the course, you know, so leave it to merit. Keep working hard, be to yourself, stop worrying and stop pleasing people. Just keep working hard is what I would say. What I have done in my life and I'm, I'm seeing the same thing here.

So if I can just ask everyone, is Rahini's comment there a child comment or a masterly mind type? It's a hundred percent master. You know, Rohini is demonstrating an absolute mastery of that type of situation for her mindset. So Rahini, let's Now flip it over and I might go to. Actually I'll go to Mimi for this one. How about a relationship that really matters to you with someone that just triggers negatively or badly and frustrates. How do we handle those type of situations? So this is going back to Mitch's perspective. This is someone who you have to have in your orbit but the signal ain't working so well. And let's say that person in the orbit is acting in their child mind. Bhaggi Sri, how would you respond to Mitch's comment there?

So like you know, frankly speaking, I don't know whether I have like you know, dealt with such situation very maturely. Yes, I'm getting there. As in like you know, I'm still learning. Yes, I'm. I agree to Rohini in this like in on this matter that I am also I don't please people because yes, I. You like me, you dislike me. That is completely up to you. But when it comes down to say like you know, work wise. Say work wise. I am. I come from a. Like in a segment where I have to service but again like you know, service to a certain extent like you know, where the business, the other business is, is benefiting. Like. But I have seen like you know, in one of my projects like you know, it's. It's a. It's a journalism project and I have seen people like you know, extreme people pleasers and like they are zero with merits. But then I like you know, I just wonder that how to zero with merits but only like you know, they survive in that particular domain. They are surviving in that industry for the past eight to 10 years only with pleasing the bosses. Yes. I don't know how they like you know, do that but like you know, extreme talent. But then they. Yes. Like you know, there are, I mean like you know, when I'm working with them, them my frustration like you know, level it obviously like you know, it's. It's there since you have to always compete being on the good books of your bosses. Bosses as in like you know and then yeah it's. It's a, It's a. It's a daily challenge. And I'm like you know, I have not cracked it yet. I've like you know, I'm still in the middle. I'm not, I. I'll not say that I'm in the child mind but I'm not say that I'm like you know, in the. Sorry, what's the, the mastermind. The mastermind. I'm. I've not reached there yet, but I'm still like, you know, going there. Yeah.

Okay. Now, do you. In the. Your working relationships, Mimi, or now open to anyone, is there anyone who would be willing to put their hand up to work through a bubble pop for a relationship in this sort of context of the mirror reflection exercise?

I did with. I did bubble popping for twice. It happened with me twice. I did that before. Yeah.

Would you be willing to do a guided one now? I'll do it on my phone and, you know. Okay, fantastic. All right. Always good to have a taker. Because of all the crowd participation things that we do, this is by far the hardest one to get people to. Behave with. So.

What I love it the most. Sorry, real question mark is is there a phase between child and master where you're landing at, like, defiant teenager mind?

Oh, do you. Do you want to do defiant teenager? Defiant teenage is a good one, but Mimi's also giving us this one to work with, so I don't want to steal.

No, I was just. I was just saying, like, between the child mind and the mastermind, there's the defiant teenager mind. You know that. Well, you're trying to get to mastermind, but you're, you know, you're busting through those last barriers.

The many joys. All right, so just allow me to see if I can get this to come up again. The many joys of technology. It's a bit of a challenge though, isn't it? A bit of fun. Here we go.

Share.

Screen. Entire screen start. And there. Okay, can everyone see my screen? Excellent. All right, so, Mimi, we are going to walk through a mirror reflection bubble, and I want you to work with someone that you need to get along with, that you're struggling to get along with, but finding a bit of a problem with. So what can we call this bubble, please, Mimi?

I don't know. I've termed that letting go.

We'll call it Mimi Bubble, Letting go. What's great as well is I get points for this. It's awesome. Rich will go, Mark, look at you.

He did that to me last time. I was gonna let somebody else let him take credit.

Alrighty, so we click on the bubble. Now, if you don't want to use the actual name Mimi, that's fine. Or it's not going to be shared, but actually make up a fake name place.

Okay. Say I have just written it here as a colleague. But like, you know, you can just. Any fake name could be.

Let's go. A colleague. That's fine. Okay, what is the Problem you're experiencing with said colleague, please slow process.

Pushing others to do the work. And there was one more. They don't resolve issues. Doesn't own up to mix mistakes. Never does one work on time. And egoistic, Extremely egoistic. So many.

Do I know this person?

Okay, sure.

So why does it, why does it bother you?

Because, like, you know, I'm completely the opposite. Maybe I, I don't like pushing on work on others and like, you know, a lot of delays. I, I don't like delays.

Okay, but with all of this in mind, this interaction, what can you learn from it? What is the reflection giving you.

That not everybody is like, you know, you should not compare yourself to others. As in, like, you know, your work process to others, not yourself. Like, you know, the process that you have developed. You cannot expect that others should follow the same process.

So you're saying don't expect others to be the same.

Yeah.

Okay, so can I add a word in there? Is that learning a bit of empathy?

Empathy, yeah.

A great thing that any leader needs to have because not every. Actually, when you are the leader, that is the time that it is least likely that people are going to be the same as you. Okay, so you've got an answer which is around empathy. Don't expect others to be the same. So you have gotten an answer.

Yeah.

So now if you sit back and you replace. So if you close your eyes and you visualize that person in a moment when they are frustrating you and think about all those annoying behaviors and all the silly things they do and all those irrational annoying things that they do, and you replace their face with your own. In terms of the annoying things you do and the irrational things that you do, what sort of insights does that give you about yourself?

Maybe. Like, you know, I, I haven't, I have written it. I haven't written it down, mentioned that in the, in the bubble pop, But I could like, you know, come back to what Ken has said that. Yes, like, you know, maybe they need mentoring. Maybe like, you know, they need somebody to help them out. Like, you know, help them come out of the situation. Maybe they are going through a lot of stuff which the other person can't even realize. Like, I don't know, maybe he is going through. He or she is going through certain situations and that is the reason, like, you know, he's doing such kind of like, you know, he has that behavior and like an eye on the other side doesn't even realize, like, you know, that what he or she must be going through.

Okay, so Bringing this back into a reflection of yourself. And now that you're looking in a mirror, what is it that you can work on in yourself that in turn will change the reflection that you get back from that person in your future interactions.

So maybe a heart to heart conversation like, you know, because what Mitch has said now, communication really affects in a good way to a lot of things. Maybe a good communication and handling any argument better. Like, you know, because what Rohin is also also suggested that like, you know, that she is the last person to like, you know, being arguing with somebody else. So. And yes, like you said, you have also also made sure that, okay, we need to be more process oriented. So if I have been like, you know, more process oriented, then I would have had a clear communication. I would have said that set those boundaries and could have managed those situations better. Maybe I didn't like, you know, I never learned to say I didn't say no in certain situations. So. And I haven't mentioned any clear boundaries. And so I have taken things on myself. So that that doesn't mean that I'm like, you know, I can blame that person for the situation that I have taken.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did anyone. First of all, Mimi, thank you very much for that. Did you notice and I'll ask if Mimi can't answer this, I'll ask if anyone else notices. Did you notice how towards the last five or ten seconds you actually did begin to make the reflection about yourself. Did anyone else see that or have any comments for Mimi on that? Because I noticed that she shifted from being this other person to maybe I could. Did anyone else pick up on that progression as she went through that or would like to comment on that? Rahini, could you. Because I can see a big smile on your face there.

No, I didn't realize until you said that that is why the big smile.

Yes.

Anyone else have something to offer? Kalpak, what did you pick up there?

Well, I didn't exactly like while history was doing her bubble pop up, I also filled it. So I, I created my or I filled my own or a popped her own bubble. But yes, I think you are right. In the end I also noticed that she, her. Her thought process tended to change a bit. Like more. More towards. She wants to show empathy towards that person and she, it looks like she knows what went wrong or what can be corrected. So yeah, that. That shows that. That shows that she's aware that what can be done correct is what I feel.

So if I put it another way, Mimi, do you think the person who is behaving or giving you this reflection is in their child mind or their mastermind when they're behaving that way.

Childmine.

So when you began talking about maybe here's what I could do, do you think that would be child mind or mastermind type behaviors?

Mastermind type behavior.

Okay, so what you did then is you moved into that servant leader mindset of well, what else can I do to make that person person better? So in turn, what sort of a reflection do you think you'll get back from them next time around?

So not like, you know, to always respond, respond and not not react. Maybe.

Yeah, it's. I guess where I'm getting to with that one is when we take responsibility for things. And I, I'm struggling a bit to get the words right with you. But so for everyone else in the call, I'll be very non specific. But the moment that I realized Mimi was not only a great fit to work with, but in fact an outstanding person for me to work with and have engaged to help me develop the company in India was when she clearly stated a problem that wasn't one of her making. And then she clearly stated that she'd been trying to fix it. And I my first response was yes, but not your problem fixed. You should have raised this with me. Someone else has been doing this. And her comment back was, but yes, I saw a problem, it needed fixing and even though it wasn't mine to fix, it would make my job better and you would be happier with the work that I was doing. There's an author called Jocko Willink who would respond to this and say that's extreme ownership because we can't take any ownership for really the other person's behavior. We can't. But what we can do is give them options or space to grow into more of a masterful type mindset and behavior. And what I felt you were really doing very much towards the end of that was saying, well, maybe I could be clearer maybe if I could do this, maybe if I was to give them this opportunity to grow into it. And that in turn does give people the opportunity to become a bigger person themselves. And so I think, you know, you've done very work very, very well in that regard. And as I said, this is one of the tougher drills to go through because I think it's a pretty deep and it's a very, very introspective type process. Does anyone else have any other sort of thoughts or feedback on the, the mirror reflection or the bubble popping exercise that goes with it.

I think just reflecting on what Rahini was saying about being true to yourself, I think we all need to understand what our breaking point is with that person and saying no, I think that's incredibly important. And in itself, it's something I'm sort of reflecting on now, hearing all you guys talk about it and going, what?

What is that?

Where is that point where I'm now impacting my own life or others that I'm protecting by allowing this behavior to continue or this person to orbit within me? You know, being able to say, enough is enough, you know, I may need to take on a huge amount of work, or whether that work is physical work, as in, I'm going to do the work, or whether it's emotional work, compensating for something, but seeing that as the challenge in order to get to that next stage, go and get rid of that toxicity, you know, out of my orbit.

And that's. And, you know, in all the ones that I've done this one with Mitch, most of the time, I must be honest, the. The first three sessions that I walked through with people on this, there was someone that was very obviously sorry. Craig Harper made an awesome comment about this, and I'm not sure if I said last week, but he said that everyone who I am coached is married to the problem. They themselves are innocent and they are entirely not at fault. And it's the other person who's entirely at fault. And he said, what's. Did I say this to anyone last week? Is this familiar? No. And then his comment to that was, but sorry, this guy swears profusely, I'll give you his podcast. So, you know, I'm not making it. He goes, it's really fucking weird, though, because every time something goes wrong in my life, the one consistent factor is me. Every time a relationship goes wrong, the one consistency is I'm involved. And so he was sort of saying, so we should really look at what we're doing and contributing, which can only come with the awareness. But equally so the lesson at the end of the bubble pop, if it's to simply go, hang on, this person is continually crossing the line of being reasonable. That is a really good reflection because that's like Ken was saying, I see the signal, it's the wrong signal. I can't. I can't be having that signal. And I think that is equally good. It's a tougher one. I think as long as we go part of the journey along the way, that bug history was commenting on that, I'm going to take some ownership of this and you know, see what comes out of it. So yeah, I think that's, that's a fantastic insight, Mitch. No, in a professional sense, I know that Ken has done it with his job recently. I've had to make a couple of those really horribly painful decisions with clients. There was one last year where we're having a price discussion and I actually said to the guy, look, seriously, this is what this project costs to service. Whether you think you're being unreasonable or not, that's fine. But when it comes down to the cost of the people that you need to do this piece of work for you, your expectations are unreasonable. And unfortunately, if this is the, the approach that your organization is going to take. So I shifted it away from him to the organization. It's not a project that I can any longer be involved in after many, many years of having been involved in it. And this guy just sort of went, sorry, what? I said, yeah, you know, what you're talking about is not viable for a two way relationship or a partnership, which is what this has been for such a long time. And I think it plays to what Rahini was saying that this person just kind of went, oh. And within a week I got the email back of them saying pretty much asked a few people. And you were kind of right. You know, the expectations around the project from the organization weren't correct. We'd like to really re engage and take it forward. So it's a hell of a lot tougher in personal matters, that's for sure. I know I went through a period of my life when I was 16. Well, when I was 16, so a bit of a personal share. Sorry guys, we're going over time, so if anyone needs to go cut out entirely, fine. And Mitch, I might have shared this with you, but I had a very tempestuous relationship with my natural father who was a raging alcoholic. And he had forgotten my 10 previous birthdays in a row. And it really messed with me. And it's about my second last year of high school and I had a really bad drug experience where I was really blown out of the water. Too young a mind to be put in that situation. We were smoking marijuana and someone spiked it with horse tranquilizer and it knocked me on my ass. And for the next few sort of few weeks I was really scared of a lot of things, of my parents wrath, who didn't know about it. My grades had fallen apart and I was miserable because I couldn't get along with my stepdad and my dad wouldn't respond to me and it was horrible. And so everything just, everything was crumbling and he forgot my birthday and I just went, you know what, I don't need to talk to you at the moment. And it was horrible to have to do. But it was actually the beginning of me starting to get my head straight again by just removing that negative noise or fuel for my thoughts. And then over time, once I sort of made space for other people to come back in by not being so angry and upset with the world. Teenage boy 16 that's kind of what we're wired to do was be unhappy. It allowed a few other people who were worried but didn't know what to say. They understood now there was space to come in and go, how can we help you? It was one older friend, but it was actually two or three teachers at school who really said, mark, your grades are crap. We're going to pass you. So you pass year 11 because we think you can do well. And they were the subjects I ended up doing the best in, which was pretty awesome. So I think sometimes cutting out that toxic relationship also then gives us the space to maybe grow back into in a positive sense. So, yeah. So guys, as I said, we've, we've gone a little bit longer than intended today, but I felt it was a really good discussion. So to save time, I'll send out the QMAP stuff and the follow up exercises. But just from my own sense before I hand over to all of you. And I'll start with you, Ken, just because you're in the middle of my screen is today was some really, really good sharing. I know, you know, Mitch, you've gone through a really tough space in time. Rahini, you've had a positive but a challenging period of time. Ken, I know you're continuing to work through, you know, that whole I didn't like the signal, so I'm dropping out of that signal in the employment sense. And now you're faced with the. I'd kind of like a signal though. I really love when the sharing gets real. So, you know, thank you enormously for your contributions today. Ken, if I can pass over to you for your rewards and recognitions, please. And that's where we'll, we'll go through those and we'll finish up today.

Yeah, I think it's, you know, kind of rewarding diastri for, you know, kind of walking through a challenging exercise tonight. But also it's good to see someone else kind of realizing that she's in the middle of her journey and that's always, it's a good reminder to all of us that, you know, we're not striving to be perfect, we're just kind of shooting to be good enough, you know, and that, that does help. That's very inspiring.

So who is that one too? I'm sorry?

Oh, that's from Bagashri.

Ah, Mimi, go over to you. Mimi.

Yeah, my vote goes to like, you know, Ken for the, the gratitude messages that he like, you know, kept popping up in the group and that really helped me like, you know, to understand, to actually reflect on my daily thought process. Like, you know, okay, this is what I have like, you know, I have been like, you know, doing that have and have not exercises and Ken's messages really help. So.

Fantastic work. Okay, well, Ken's already done that one. Mitch, you're next up in my queue. Who have you got there?

Yeah, I think Rahini today, I think that was, you know, really inspiring, you know, being able to say that, you know, she's always stuck, stuck to her true self. You know, I really find that admiring. I know that's one of my challenges, you know, to be more of a people pleaser than what I should be. Being able to kind of go. Actually, you know what I think this is, this is where I need to sit or look at how to reposition myself more or give myself more strength to be able to, to say no and to, you know, be true to myself. So Rahini, I think that's, that's really, it was really great to hear that from you.

Thanks.

Thanks much.

And Rahini, who have you got one? Who, who's your vote for today?

Think Ken for me for the same reasons that Bhagishi stated, but along with that also one point I have to mention here is, you know, his consistency, you know, he is also super busy. He seems to be a very family oriented man. You know, in the midst of all this, you know, he's keeping his family also balanced with his work. Plus he's engaging with the app. Also he has always been on top of the list. How do you manage that? I. I must ask and you know, because it's very difficult for at least me to manage all the three aspects. But how do you do that? You know, I'm not sure but you know, whatever ways you're doing it, I think it's working for you. Hats off. But do share with us, you know, how you're managing and how you're balancing the three aspects of your life.

Sometime I'll get you to post that One in the group for everyone. How about that, Ken? And I think finally, Calpak, over to you.

Yeah. So I was going to go to go for Ken just because he's, like, in top 15 for the last few weeks. But I also, I would like to recognize Bageshwari because what she shared today, like, she won the award for 40 under 40. So that's. That's a brilliant achievement at such a young age. So, yeah, that's. That's. Those are two recognitions or rewards from my side. Ken and Baghdad.

Fantastic. All right. You still there, Mimi?

That looks like she dropped off.

Oh, she dropped out. So we're gonna miss the. We're gonna miss getting her smiley face at the end. Never mind. Well, team, we have gone a little bit over time, so my apologies for that today, but some really, really great sharing Again, thank you so much for everything that you're all putting in. Really give it a crack for this last period of time we've got together. And keep yourself committed, find the time, keep the energy up, be in touch if there's anything I can do. But before you go, if you would all be kind enough just to give me a wave. Oh, hang on a second. It's doing. It's doing all these usual crazy things that it tends to do. Give me a wave. Have a wonderful day, and I look forward to speaking to you all next week. Bye, guys.

Bye. Bye.