How to Make People Feel Heard — Without Saying a Word

Hi there, I'm Ben Morton and welcome to the Leaders Kit Bag, your go to podcast for practical leadership insights. In just six minutes. In each episode, we tackle real challenges faced by leaders and managers, offering actionable tools and strategies you can take away and immediately apply. And because leadership doesn't happen in a studio, there's these episodes are mostly recorded outside on the move. They're raw, unscripted and straight to the point. So wherever you are, let's dive in and sharpen your leadership skills six minutes at a time. When was the last time you truly felt heard and able to speak without judgment, interruption, or maybe being given advice that you didn't particularly want or need in that moment? Now, if you're like many people I talk to, you may be struggling to even think of a time when that was the case. Now, I want you to imagine being able to give that gift of being listened to and truly heard to somebody else. Maybe somebody you lead or manage or a colleague in your team. That's exactly what I want to talk about and help you with in today's episode of the Leader's Kit Bag. I recently ran a listening exercise in a leadership development program I was running for a big multinational company. One of the first things I did was to pair people up and asked one person to simply talk for about four minutes on a work based challenge or personal challenge that was very real for them that they absolutely cared about right now. And their partner's job was just to listen. They didn't need to try and solve the challenge, they didn't need to provide any solutions or insights. Their sole job was to make the person who was speaking feel listened to and heard. And after four or five minutes I stopped the exercise and and asked the people who were speaking how it felt. I asked them to describe their experience of that listening exercise and the results were amazing, as they always are. People shared things like it felt amazing, it felt great, or even I feel like I understand my own challenge more just by listening, by being listened to. And I feel better about the challenge I'm facing. And the people listening didn't say anything. They certainly didn't give any advice. So how do we do that? How do we give that gift of listening, of making someone truly feel heard and understood? Well, the solution is actually quite simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy to put into practice. All we really need to do is try and pause and take a step back when we are in one to one conversations or team meetings. We need to try and dial up our patience and really resist the urge to jump in and speak and to give advice. Above all, we need to get really comfortable with there being a pause or a silence. Now, for many of us, we think that pause or silence is uncomfortable. And when it happens, especially for U.S. leaders and managers, we feel this overwhelming urge to jump in and fill it, to give advice, solutions, or our own pearls of wisdom based on our experience. But do remember fundamentally, as leaders and managers, it's not our job to have all of the answers and sometimes the greatest service we can be. The greatest gift we can give to other people is just the time and space for them to feel as though they are being listened to and heard. And when those pauses or silences do crop up and you are fighting the and resisting the urge to jump in and fill the silence with every sinew of your body and every brain cell, just remember, whilst the silence might feel uncomfortable for you, it almost certainly won't feel uncomfortable for the other person because they'll just be processing their thoughts and thinking. That's it for today's episode of the Leader's Kit Bag. A couple of quick tips for you there on the power of listening and how you can give that gift of truly being heard to your colleagues or those you lead and manage. Remember, if you need any support with leadership training, executive coaching, or you're looking for a keynote speaker for your next conference or event, do get in touch and drop me a line. Other than that, look after yourself and look after those you've got the privilege and responsibility to lead. And until next time, lead on.