Episode 79: Living Your Best Damn Day Ever with Chris Dorris

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Welcome back to Stronger Sales Teams, the place where we provide real world and practical advice to help you develop super powered sales teams. We have a first in the Stronger Sales Teams podcast today we have a mental toughness coach, Chris Doris with us. And mental toughness, it's something that we certainly don't hear the words mental and toughness thrown together very often, but we do talk a lot about our mental health and we do talk a lot around resilience and grit. And for me, I often liken that to toughness. Right. Not necessarily physically big, strong toughness. Right. But the ability to handle the bumps and the grind that comes with day to day life. So I'm super excited to hear about what Chris has to say, but before we throw to him, I wouldn't mind introducing who Chris is. So Chris came from a slightly different background, I think, to what we'll often expect for people that work with leaders. And he actually started as a social worker. So he was working on the streets of Atlantic City, helping those who are mentally ill, those who are addicted to drugs, and even homeless populations, if you like, trying to improve and upgrade their lives. So Chris spent a few years doing that and I think, you know, when I talked to him, what was really clear for him was that he observed that some of those people, as a consequence of both their belief and that persistence that they had when he worked with them, they were able to overcome some really serious challenges in their lives. So I think Chris took that and you've obviously applied that through sport and athletes and a number of different types of industries along the journey. But for him, I think what I really like is that he's taken those tools, those mental toughness tools from very early in his career and started using them with some terrific athletes to help them excel in not just sport, but beyond sport. So at the moment, Chris, I believe you're coaching and I haven't, I don't know these people by name because it's generally quite discreet, but really top performing sales teams and leaders of multiple Fortune 500 companies. And I know you've worked in the NFL and NHL in the past as well, so you've essentially worked with, with super bowl winners and billionaires. Right. It's quite a cool little stretch of people that you've worked across. I also like your approach to life. And we jumped on this morning, I said, how are you, Chris? And Chris's first comment was, I'm having the best damn day of my life. Right. And that made me smile and made me feel like we're in for a good podcast. So, Chris, first of all, welcome to the Strongest Sales Teams podcast. Great to have you here.

Thanks, Ben.

Can we tell me a little bit about you and what you do before we get into today?

So let me start then by defining what mental toughness actually means to me. And I don't suspect that you'll. If you Google mental toughness, you will not find what I'm about to say. Mental toughness is really, I consider it to be a superpower. It's a human ability that's hard earned through diligent inner world training that most of us have had no access to. And the result is that we're able to respond rapidly to all of life, not some of it, not most of it, all of life, with grace, mastery, creative genius and enthusiasm so that we can get to the creation of excellence faster and with least effort. So I'm going to repeat that. Mental toughness is the ability that is hard earned through diligent inner world work training. And it's the ability to respond rapidly to all of life with grace, mastery, creative genius and enthusiasm so that we can get to the creation of excellence, which I believe we're designed for. Faster with least effort. So that's my jam. As you mentioned, you did your research, so thank you for that, man. Yeah, I started as a social worker and then became a licensed therapist and became a sports psychologist, now executive coach. But there's a through line, our common denominator for all of it, which is helping people suffer less, helping people thrive more, helping people kick ass, helping people shine, helping people create excellence. As I said a second ago, I really do believe that we're designed to do so. The work is, you know, I teach people how to do mental exercise, how to strengthen the way that we're using our mind so that we can respond to life better.

Look, I love this topic and it's one we at our mistake, I think haven't explored enough on the podcast and that is that we spend so much time training the skills that we have. The hard skills look a little bit around the soft skills in dealing with others, but we spend so little time focusing on our own personal skills and that self care that we talk about. But I really like that piece around. We want to make sure we're getting to the point where we can thrive. That's your job. And I think we're going to explore that today around a broader theme about how we can get the most out of our people. So I fully expect for those listening, we're going to hear a bit about how you can get the most out of your people. But I'm expecting from Chris today that we're going to hear that that's also going to involve some skills around your own mental toughness and how you're showing up to have the best damn day of your life each and every day. Chris, I think that one's going to stick with me. The best, the best damn day of your life. So. Okay, so Chris, so tell me, and I know you've got a bit of a framework. We've spoken through a number of ways that you work with leaders to get the most out of their people. But can you tell me what's your broad approach to saying, right, I'm a leader or I'm working with a leader here? We've got a whole lot of people to work with us. We need to sit down and get the most out of them. And here's where we stop.

There's a phrase that was used by a former coach of mine, Steve Chandler, whose nickname is the godfather of coaching. You can only take somebody as far as you've gone. You can't take anybody farther than where you've gone. And by, and I love that you're using that language about getting the most out of your people. That's actually my definition of leadership. And I saw that from my late great mentor, Jim Myers, the art of getting the most out of your people. And primarily the first thing is you need to walk your talk. You need to be doing your own work. You need to be doing the work and you got to go find the work. You got to know what work. Let me ask you, when you were in early education, did you have gym class or physical education or.

It's so long ago being 41 these days, I can't remember. But you know what? I can pretty Confidently say, I did a fair bit of that in the early days because I'm still doing it now. So I think that was ingrained in me very early.

So most of us had an actual class in high school. Even some, for some people, even in higher education, college and whatnot. That's, you know, physical education. It teaches you there's value in being physically active. Okay, so we all get that, right? But there, like, how many of us had a class on mental mastery? Like any class, like any. And it's really weird that it's not there. It's starting to. They're starting to show up, these classes, and on how, like how to strengthen the way that you use your mind. If I asked 10 people off the street, how do you strengthen your mind? I don't know that they would even know how to answer that. You know, like, that's a weird question. As opposed to, like, you'll say, hey, how do you stay physically fit? Well, okay, I got a gym membership. And then I do this. But people don't even have necessarily to answer the question, how do you strengthen the way that you use your mind? Because it's not mainstream yet. It's not familiar. So with respect to leaders, the very first thing is you got to find the work and do the work. You got to do your own work. You got to be walking and talking. When you're leader, you're being watched all day, right? Your language is critical, right? We create our worlds with our words. And people are watching you respond. Ben, do you know what the most powerful way for people or most effective way for people to learn is?

Well, I've done a fair bit on this. I don't want to spoil it.

You know, what I'd say is that.

It'S different for everyone, but there are some common denominators there.

Modeling. My understanding is that modeling is the most powerful way that people.

People learn.

We watch people, especially people that have some authority over us, especially people that have authority and we respect. We watch how they do life, right? So, like, we'll watch when something goes wrong. We're watching, see how. Okay, how's she going to respond? That is amazing. She's smooth as silk. I'd be freaking out. You know, what are you demonstrating? What are you role modeling. Right through your actions and through your words. So the very first thing is to be a really top shelf leader is you gotta do your work. You gotta be doing your own personal work. Not just professional development. It's personal development.

Yeah, yeah. And no doubt the modeling piece is super important. And look, there's a few ways that people learn, but it's definitely one of the ones that's up there. And it's. For me, I often liken. Being a leader is like being a parent. You are always being watched, you're always being judged. You are, you know what you do. Those behaviours you exhibit are then taken by those around you and often amplified because you've got not just your behaviour going one to one, you've got your behaviour going one to everyone you work with within your team. So, yeah, absolutely. I've heard you talk about hidden wins before when it comes to leadership. What do hidden wins look like to you?

So I'll give you an example. So I'm doing a coaching session earlier today with one of my clients and she, in the middle of her sentence, she stopped and she started over. She upgraded her language because she realized through the work that she was crafting a sentence that she didn't even agree with or that wasn't really powerful. So she stopped in mid sentence and then started over and I said, stop. Hold your thought. Don't lose your thought. What you just did, that's the work. That's the work. That's a win. I see you doing the work and I love it. Let's slow this down. And I have her know this is what I just saw you do. You might not even know what you just did. I'm telling you what you just did. What you just did is you did a powerful multitask. You're crafting a thought and you're putting it into language and then in the middle of it you discover, I don't agree with the language I'm using. And on the spot you upgraded your language to create a more powerful communication. And she goes, not well. Right? So that's an example of a hidden win. It doesn't need to be a huge four and a half million dollar sale. It doesn't need to be record breaking. Those are the obvious wins. We want to get good at finding the hidden wins. As a leader, I want to get really good at catching my people, busting them, succeeding even at small things. The conditioning of our past would have us and our culture reinforced this. You know, it's like we're just paying attention to where we're screwing up all the time. We're really, really good because of practice at identifying where we've messed up or where we messing up or where we might mess up at the expense of acknowledging our excellence. One of the most fundamental elements of being a badass is being comfortable with your amazingness, being totally comfortable with your badassery.

Right.

So as a leader, I want to be operating from the assumption, and this is a very reasonable assumption, that my people are not amazing at acknowledging their amazingness. So I need to be good at it to have them see their amazing. And that cannot be faked. It'd be better to do nothing than to be disingenuous when you do that.

Yeah. Okay, so we're actually talking here about modeling behaviors and hidden wins, almost bringing them together. So when as leaders, we need to be modeling the behaviors that we want to be seeing from our team members. So essentially, we're stepping into the shoes that not only do we want to fill, but that we want our team to fill. And one of the really powerful ways to do that is through finding hidden wins, not just for your team, but also recognising hidden wins in yourself when you might do something that you hadn't done before. Because once you can recognise and acknowledge that, it's something you can then start to see in others more and more readily because you've recognised it in yourself. I think for me, Chris, that's a really powerful way as a leader to get in tune with those around you. Keep going some of your really key traits around leading others well.

So I'm going to follow up on what you just said, which is so over here on my desk. This is like a sacred corner of my desk. I've got a document here that I speak my way. This is my truth. I speak my way into each day. And these are called my success story folders. So we mentioned a moment ago, as leaders, we need to walk our talk. We need to be doing the work. We've got to be doing the things I'm asking my people to do. So if I'm asking my people to be comfortable with their excellence, I better be damn comfortable with my own. Like, you just said that. And I couldn't agree with you more. So one of the ways, and I really encourage you all to do this if you don't have this, is to create your own success story folder. And this has nothing to do with ego. This has to do with amazingness. This has to do with being committed to being a creator of excellence. All right? And I need to get comfortable with my excellence. So I will print out. We'll talk about it later. But I gotta. You know, one of the things I do is called the Daily Dose. It's an email that goes out every morning. I get responses from people all over the World, right? And like every day. And because I've been doing this sound off for like six, seven years now, it's got a really good following. And I'll get a message from somebody, I have no idea who they are. They're somewhere in the world and they'll say, oh my God, it's like you're writing to me. It's like you're in my world. This is exactly what I need to hear today. And I thought, that's just so beautiful. I'll print that out and I'll slide it right into that folder. That folder is there. It's not on my computer. It is not. I do not have this folder be digital. The whole point of it existing is I don't need to rely on my memory because my memory sucks. And historically I've been trained to be good at recognizing where I fall short, where I screw up. So this is me doing that over. So I want it in my line of sight. So that's exactly why it's there. A glass of water will never be put on top of that. Nothing gets put on top of these things. Too sacred. Constantly adding to it. So looking at it and it's grown over the years. So just seeing it is a reminder. Like right now I'm sitting here looking at this amazing and all it is is a damn manila folder one of my other clients gave. They thought it was pretty ghetto so they gave me this nice leather bound thing, but it's a pain in the ass. So I just go back to the manila folder and just looking at it is reminding me of like the years of contribution that I've been making and the impact. There's some notes in there from like, ones from like the former CFO of Apple saying, you're a wizard. That was a keeper. But it doesn't need to be that spectacular. Then it's everything in between, like, oh, this daily dose, it really landed just beautifully for me this morning. Thank you for that. That's a win. So I want to get into the practice of acknowledging my own excellence and doing it with regularity so that I can step confidently into my excellence and lead from that place. Because that's what my people need from me.

Yeah, yeah, I really like that. And do you think that provides you a layer of protection against some of the outside stimulus that can come your way, whether it be negative, neutral, positive. Do you use that to. I'm going to talk why I'm asking this, but do you use that to provide a buffer for yourself against some of the ups and downs of life 100%.

And that's not the only thing. I mean, because that's what I'm doing all day, right? That's what this work is about. One of the mantras that I use is no seconds off. And that's not overwhelming. It sounds like it, but it's not. I'll explain. I'm going to take no seconds off from inquiring within myself. How am I feeling right now? What kind of state am I thinking my way into in this moment? Is it intelligent? So that's ownership language. What emotional state am I thinking my way into right now? Because our states don't happen to us and our states govern how we show up in life. And my states are completely a product of my thinking. So I use ownership creator language. Like, what kind of mood am I thinking my way into right now? Is it smart? Do I like? Is it serving me? Do I have time for this? Does it need some love? Am I even choosing this one? Having that there, the success story folder helps me do that. But way beyond that, I like to say that the most mentally tough slash, happiest slash, most successful people, those three things are totally interconnected, inextricably, will choose to live in a perpetual state of self inquiry. Meaning we're always asking ourselves those questions, like how am I feeling right now? How. What state am I thinking my way into? What state would serve me best right now? What state could I think my way into that would have me maximize the probability of killing it? On this negotiation, for you example, or in this leadership call, in this qbr, you know, so the buffer. Yes, that serves. But there's a tool called Catch on and replace. That is the buffer. And it's not even a buffer. Catch, own, replace.

Catch, own, replace. I like it.

Yep. Catch, on, replace. Right. So I want to catch myself when I'm feeling unpleasant at a time where I either don't want to or can't afford to. And that's a lot, by the way.

Yeah, look, I'm writing down, it's rare in a podcast that I'll go, excuse me, everyone, I need to pause so I can write down a phrase. Catch, own, replace. I love it. So earlier last week I did a keynote. It was for a fantastic business, 70 odd sales staff. But one of the people presenting there, his name was Cameron Schwab. So Cameron Schwab was the youngest ever CEO, chief executive officer of an Australian sporting club in what we call Australian Rules football.

Right.

Which you might have seen a bit of it. It's great. Sport. But he was talking there around what does the current situation demand of me? And I really like that it was very similar to what you were talking about then around actually recognizing as a leader what the current situation needs from you right now. Because that is what drives your behavior rather than what you're in a mind saying to you. So I absolutely love that we repeat that piece again. Catch, catch, owner, replace catch, owner, iron and replay.

It's a three step process of being able to elevate my state profoundly and rapidly. So I want to catch myself when I'm feeling unpleasant. Anything less than neutral. Okay. When I can't afford to. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad, okay? But we just do away the hell too much. Like way too much. And we don't do it on purpose. It's happening to us or letting the outer world govern our interstate. So again, no seconds off. I want to always be how am I feeling right now? Is it smart? Is it useful? Do I like it? Is it going to serve right? And then. And I do want a pregame too. I'm going into a meeting. You know, I want to ask myself what's the mood that I want to bring into this meeting? Like what am I going to wear? Like, well, ask another question. Who am I going to be? Who am I going to choose to be before I press join meeting? What state am I putting myself into? So if I can't do it, if I don't even know it's an option. So I catch myself when I'm feeling unpleasant and don't want to and then I own it. And here's the ownership phrase and this is a real key. This is the key out of learned victim thinking. I'm not nervous because I'm about to go into a huge prospecting call or a huge sales call with a decision maker. I'm not nervous because of that, because there's a lot on the line. I'm nervous because of the way I'm thinking right now, which is rookie. That's ownership. I ain't feeling nervous because I could or may not make a lot of money here. I'm feeling nervous because I'm thinking like a scrub. That's ownership. I'm thinking poorly. That's taking total ownership. I will never be powerful consistently in my life if I'm assigning responsibility to anything external for my inner world experience. So that's ownership. And then the last step is to replace which is to replace the thought upgrades to take. So how are you talking to yourself if you are paying A really, really good coach to coach you. What would that coach be saying to you before you go into this meeting? Well, talk to yourself that way. And that's your replacement thought like, I got this. I've done this a million times. Nobody in the world as good as me at this. This is a chump change. This is fun for me. I'm gonna kill this.

Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Sometimes you catch own replace. I'm gonna take those three words. You may not end up with a replace. That is at that level of confidence, in my opinion. If you can end up with thoughts that are better than where you started. So you might walk in and there's something in the way you own it. And that next step takes you on the journey towards that excellence where you need to be. I think that is really worthwhile as well, because it's stepping you on that journey.

It's a practice, man, Just like. And you know it. You exercise a lot so you know that you don't work out once and then you're in shape. It's not how it works, right? So you got to practice, right? And all this mental training takes practice. So, yeah, you're right. It takes practice to be able to speak to yourself like a boss, like a champ. So get the practice in.

Yeah.

You know, start practicing now. And you can't over train with this stuff. Unlike physically, you get hurt here, you're not going to get hurt. You don't even get tired. In fact, you only get more invigorated.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I use a lot of mantras, right? These phrases that are packed with like, you know, volumes of things to remember, right? And a couple of them are like, create the state, don't wait. Right? That's like you talked about. I say, best damn day of my life. You asked me, you know, before we even started recording, how you doing, man? I said, this is the best damn day of my life. And I meant it. So your question, it doesn't matter what time of day it is.

It's.

It's almost 4pm here. And it doesn't matter what time it is of day. When someone happens to ask me, hey, cd, how you doing? The question itself, I use it as a reminder, like an alarm to see, have, create the truth now. Have it be the best day of your life. And I do it in a millisecond, right? Because I practice so damn much. And I say to you, and it's not bs, it's legit. It's like, true. It's true. So I'M saying it to you. You had to be true by asking me. So thanks for the reminder because I forget. I forget that throughout the day. Right. So create the state. Don't wait Is one. I create any state. And we'll do an exercise on that here in a second. That's cool. Another is. Ain't bad. Just is. That's my. I'm from South Philadelphia area, South New Jersey area in the States here, we like to keep it simple back in the Philly area. So Hamlet, Shakespeare. One of the lines is, I think it was Act 2, Scene 2 phrase that Hamlet articulate. Hamlet's in jail. He's imprisoned by the king of Denmark, I think. And he's sitting around thinking about his. The horrible situation he's in. And then he realizes, is it really? And he says to himself, you know, nothing good or bad happens, but thinking makes it so. So I dumb that down. I take Shakespeare's brilliance and dumb it down and I say, ain't bad. Just is. Like, it ain't bad. You could never prove to me that something's bad. You could just try to make a really compelling argument. You can't prove it because it isn't. Marcus Aurelius said it too. Greatest Roman emperor ever said, if you're troubled by a thing, it's not the thing, it's your estimate of it, which you have the right to revoke at any moment.

And there's some extensions that. Around 87% of what we think is going to happen. All those negative thoughts actually doesn't come true. But now we're running out of time today, so let's quickly do that exercise you reference. And then I want to talk about the daily dose before we finish up. So.

So everybody that's hearing this and do it with me, if you would. Ben, do whatever you got to do inside yourself in order to create the real experience, the emotion of anxiety. Let me know when you're done, Ben. Go.

It doesn't take long for me to get there. I'm there. There you go.

Yeah, there you go. Okay, so that was so. Okay. Ding, ding. You won that one. You did that pretty quick. So you succeeded at the task. Can I ask you, how did you do it?

For me, it's about not being able to provide for family. And boom, I can get myself there in a moment.

So you thought about that. Now let's try another one. And everyone do this. Do whatever you got to do inside yourself to create the emotional experience of pure peace and serenity. And let me know when you're done.

Go. I can get to that one really quickly too.

See? How fast is it? How did you do that one?

Warm, sunny beach, waves crashing, sitting there again with my family.

So that's what you're filling your mind with. Don't let me put words in your mouth. I just want to clarify for the sake of, like, who's listening here, that they get everything out of this. If I am hearing you correctly, you're saying, so you're two for two. And the second one, which was serenity, you succeeded at that task by choosing to fill your mind with images of being with your family on a beach.

Correct.

And it worked. Okay, good. Is that hard? No. Do another one. Now do whatever you gotta do inside yourself to create the emotional experience of incompetence. Like. Like maybe even imposter syndrome level incompetence. Let me know when you're done. Go.

Yeah, I'm there.

How'd you do that one?

Racing. So my sports, Triathlon, swimming, running against people that are significantly better than me.

Okay, so you thought about competing poorly against people better than you. And that was brilliant for you to think that, because that was what you needed to think in order to succeed at the task of creating the state of encompass. So, bravo. Let's do one more. Do whatever you gotta do inside yourself to create the emotional experience of world class status. Like expertise. Best in class. Let me know when you're done.

Bang. I'm there straight away as well.

You're good at this. How'd you do that one up on.

A stage in front of a large group of people. Deliver my keynote. Clap, clap, round of applause, standing ovation when you walk out the door. I've thought about these ones previously. I think it's probably fair to say. Yeah.

Well, good. Okay. So was that a real memory?

Smaller crowd, real memory, larger crowd, extrapolated memory. So smaller crowd. Up to a couple of hundred. Yeah.

So you use history and a little creativity in order to fill your mind with images and thoughts that resulted in you feeling like you're the best in the world. What you do. Yeah. So what you just did, and whoever else participated, what you just did is you just travel back and forth across the human emotional spectrum. From dark to light, dark to light. In a matter of moments, nothing in the world changed except one thing. The nature of your thoughts.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's powerful.

Right?

Practice that. Practice choosing your thoughts. You have the ability, you don't need to wait for things in the world to change. In your office, in your business, in your house, in order to profoundly alter your state. Model that for your people. It's powerful.

I love that, Chris. I really love that ability as a leader to be able to help model for your people all those emotional states. I suspect people are going to want to know a little bit more about you. We're going to wind up have to wind up today because we've got to keep to these promise commitments of short and punchy podcasts. But before we go, you're an author, you've got your fourth book coming out. Can you tell us quickly about that?

Yeah, this is the copy I just got which is the author proof, which is why it's got this line across the middle to just check their surface. Plenty of edits need to be happened but this will be done, you know, soon. This will be done by in fact, by the time that this go airs, I'm sure the book be on Amazon and it's called Leadership Unlocked. So these are the 11 disciplines. It's a book of 11 disciplines that I really rely on that I coach when I'm coaching leaders. You know, we hammer these, we spend ton plenty of time perfecting, working towards perfecting these disciplines, these behaviors of how to get the most out of your people. So this is like 30 years of all the greatest stuff that I learned from the greatest leaders that I've been coached by, that I've coached, that I've been led by. One of them is an Aussie is a former CEO of the WD40 company, Gary Ridge. Unbelievable leader. Look him up. The guy's a legend. He taught me about empathy is the number one characteristic of a great leader. Empathy.

Great.

I will Leadership Unlocked. And one thing I also like to share with people is the Daily Dose. It's another project of mine. It's one of my favorite things. Yeah, so it's called the Daily Dose Mental toughness tips in 30 seconds or less. So if you sign up when you're in your home time zone, no matter where you are in the world at 6am ish, you'll get an email with a very concise mental toughness nugget to help you get your head right first thing in a day. I spent years taking all these mental toughness concepts and constructs and practices and reducing them down into something that you can digest in less than 30 seconds unless you're an exceptionally slow reader and help you get your head right first, second day. So you go to sign up for that. It's ChristopherDorris.com DD which is short for Daily Dose.

Excellent. Well, I'm gonna do that as soon as I get off the podcast because I think I'm pretty good at taking myself along the journey of emotions when I need to, but I can always do with more help. So, Chris, we've got a couple of places to find you. Is there any other ways for people to get in touch with you? If they'd like to know a little.

Bit more, that's the best way. Christopherdorris.com Excellent. And I'd love to hear from you. And when you sign up for the Daily Dose, respond to them. I get all the responses and I respond to all the responses.

Excellent. Fantastic. Well, that's very powerful in itself. Well, thank you Chris. It's been a great podcast. A little bit different in terms of pace, but for me, catch, own, replace, it's something I'm taking to the bank. From today I'll sign up to the Daily Dose. Really appreciate your time and for everyone listening, please keep living in a world of possibility and you'll be amazed by what you can achieve. Bye for now.

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