Blake Robert Templeton explains why most apologies fail: they come too fast and dodge responsibility. Say "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings," not "I'm sorry your feelings got hurt." Frame the conflict as an outside force you both faced together, not something to defend.
If your wife gets her feelings hurt, your explanation usually is too early. Pain does not calm down because you defended yourself well. So look, when that happens, when there's an actual frustrated battle, whether she misunderstood or it came out wrong, the first thing you should do is say, "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings." Not, "I'm sorry your feelings got hurt." That's like, "Hey, not my fault. Screw you." But what you'd actually say is, because you actually realize you're not fighting her, you're fighting the enemy. A fiery dart came in and hit her. And so you're like coming in with this pursuit of, "I'm sorry, I hurt your feelings."
