Blake R. Templeton argues that good marriages go cold not from lost attraction but from lost polarity, the dynamic tension that keeps partners drawn to each other. When relationships become predictable and conflict-averse, couples grow numb. He points to Song of Solomon as an example of vibrant, polarizing attraction, and says couples need to consciously restore that tension.
So I was doing a marriage event and, uh, this couple said, man, we just lost attraction. And the reality is you never lose attraction. What you lost was the polarity. Polarity gives you the perspective of what you're attracted to. They became predictable in the wrong way. They became numb, safe, agreeable. We don't talk about the hard things. We just literally depolarized. And so now they become so conditioned. To not have a fight, so they become silent because they just don't want to go there anymore and deal with stuff. The reality, when we go back to Song of Solomon, we see this amazing fire, this radiating attraction, this polarization, like two people who cannot keep their hands off each other, especially when we get to like chapter 8. And so the reality is, man, we have to change, reset, recalibrate, how we think. You didn't lose attraction, you lost polarity.
