Blake R. Templeton argues that winning an argument with your partner backfires when they feel unheard. Instead of the "warrior" stance, shift to "shepherd" mode: validate their feelings first by asking "that makes sense, why do you feel that way?" This makes conversations safer and more encouraging.
If she feels unheard, it doesn't matter if you're right. Instead of this mindset of like, I've got to be right, that's an identity issue. But in the 5 Primal Roles, if we step into shepherd instead of warrior, like trying to solve the problem, we realize that validation opens what logic never will. So instead of correcting her interpretation first, say, that makes sense. Why do you feel that way? Allow her to actually start talking from the depth of her. She now finds safety. She opens up, and she'll actually have a conversation that'll actually be encouraging. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 says, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Man, that is a beautiful work of the King of Kings.
