What I Learned from Dinner with Chris Voss about Being a Bestselling Author

All right, hello! I saw Bruce was there early along with KJ and Lloyd, and I saw a few folks here. Jason Ward's in the house from Oklahoma, so welcome. Um, all right, today I'm going to share something a little different. So last week I had dinner with Chris Voss and about 10 other people. And if you don't know who Chris Voss is, he's the FBI negotiator who wrote Never Split the Difference. And, and, uh, well, he's, he's an author and he attributes that book to a lot. So I thought that this would be a great topic for today. Now Before we get into it, you might be like some of my friends that were wondering, how the heck did you end up at a dinner table with Chris Voss and his girlfriend? Well, it all started when I went to an event and I met this guy, man named Dave Sanderson. And so I was speaking at this event and he was also a speaker at this event. And the organizer introduced us. We didn't spend a lot of time together, but we did meet briefly. Now, if you don't know who Dave Sanderson is, and you might not, he became known really in January of 2009 when he was the last passenger to exit USA— US Airways Flight 1549 after it landed on the Hudson River. Most people would know this event as the Miracle on Hudson, and he was one of the only people, I believe, to end up in the hospital from that event because he he stayed back and helped all of the other passengers off the plane and ended up in, you know, I think having hypothermia or something like that. And that's why he was in the hospital. And before he became a speaker, actually, he spent a decade with Tony Robbins organization, not as a speaker, but as, I believe, the head of security. And then, of course, with the crash, he started to become a speaker and it kind of grew from there. And so I met him, and then we actually ended up inviting him to come and speak at our Author's Empire workshop, which we had here in Vegas. And when I— when he was here for this, he was like, hey, by the way, I'm actually coming to— coming back to Vegas in a few weeks to do this dinner with my friend Chris Voss. Do you want to come? So I said yes. I didn't get to that dinner table because of, you know, posting on YouTube or social media. I got there because I was showing up in real life. And this is one of the things that we have been talking about a lot here is how being there in person makes a big difference. And if I had not gone to that one event to speak and I wasn't paid to be at that event, I paid myself, I paid my expenses to go and speak at that event. But I met him and then he came and he wasn't paid to speak at my event, but he came to my event. And then this dinner happened. And so I think, you know, a lot of people underestimate the value of one thing leading to another, but that is really how I ended up at the dinner table with Chris Boss. So that's pretty cool. Now, at the table— so this was at, um, Vic's, uh, Supper Club. If anybody knows Las Vegas, and you know, Vic's has been a staple in the Las Vegas scene for a long, long time. And it's downtown. It's actually near the hotel that I almost had Author's Empire Workshop at. And if we do Author's Empire Workshop again next year, that's probably the hotel that I will use. But anyways, that's a side note. So they have a private room. So you go through the restaurant and into the back and there's a private room. And that's where we had it. It's a roundish kind of dining table where we were all seated and Chris was seated here. And I was seated across, kind of kitty-corner to him. And so that was essentially the evening, and everybody had a chance to ask him a question. And because there was a couple people at the table that were authors, and one that just signed a book deal with her agent that— or with a publisher that morning, quite a few of the questions were actually book-related, which was pretty cool. Now, if you don't know who Chris Voss is, I'll kind of share some of the things that you probably should know from him. But what was interesting, if you're familiar with his work, one of the things in his book Never Split the Difference he talks about is the late night DJ voice. It's a deliberate tool, but he's cultivated it on purpose. And that the whole night he just talks with this late night DJ voice. It's slow, it's calm, it's certain, and it keeps you listening to what he's saying. And it was interesting because we were talking about you know, what does your voice signal when you speak? And he was saying, you know, some people just naturally have really high voices, but whatever you could do to kind of bring it down a couple octaves will make a difference. But you don't want to bring it down so much that you sound weird, right? Like, if I started talking like, so today we're going to cover the Chris Voss dinner, right? Like, that would just be weird. But you can, instead of being like, okay, let's go fast, you know, I just talk, I mean, my normal voice, but bringing it down a couple octaves if you have a really high voice was something he did talk about. He's— it was also interesting because he teaches everything in stories. He had hostage stories. He actually talked about how a lot of the hostage situations, but one of them was a bank hostage situation, which was really interesting how he laid it all out. He laid the groundwork for the story and how at one point You know, they didn't verify the story. It was like when they arrived on scene, they were given a story and they didn't verify the source of the story. And the story was that there was, I believe they said 7, I don't remember the exact number, there were 7 hostage takers inside of this bank. But in fact, there was only 2, and one of them was not really complicit in what was going down. So there was really one mastermind and one accomplice who who wasn't on board with what was happening, really. So there was really one, but he was— this guy was playing it up like there was a bunch of them and it was a big thing. And so, you know, he just walked us through the whole story and how, you know, this was happening and they thought there was 7 of them. And then it turned out there was actually really 1.5 of them and how he handled it on site and all the things that went down. And so he shared, you know, through that, we actually took away a lot of lessons like verify your sources and always ask ask extra questions and like so many lessons. And yet it was all a story. He made us live it, which I think is a tremendous example for everyone as an author. And you can kind of think about what are those core stories that teach a lot of the lessons rather than saying lesson 1, verify your information. Lesson 2, right? What are those stories that actually teach the lesson without you being boring and laying it out? So it was pretty fascinating to see this live and in action. And some of the people at the table had really done their homework. They'd done the masterclasses, read his book, gone deep into podcast interviews that he'd done. But so that was all really, really fascinating. Now, if you're sitting here going, Chris Voss, who is he? Don't know. He started actually— so I mentioned him as an FBI negotiator. That's probably what he's most well known for. But a lot of the techniques, and he shared this at dinner, and I don't think I knew this, a lot of the techniques he actually really started to hone when he was trained on a um, he started a suicide hotline, um, an authority. And I think a lot of what you do often is built before you actually get the credentials and recognition for it. So a lot of what he does, or a lot of what he's learned and what he teaches, he learned from that. Another thing that he shares all the time, and he talked about that night, is like, is no is not a rejection, right? That's the start of the negotiation. That's it. And he also said the door is not open Or he said, the door is not closed, it's just not open yet. Right. It's kind of treating that no as like, all right, let's go. That's the start. Like, that's the, that's the green light. It's to start. It's not the rejection point. So a lot of that, it was fascinating to kind of hear it and see it in action. He also referenced, you know, that you would, you don't tell somebody you're right. You don't say, oh yeah, you're right. You say, that's right. And that's a magical phrase. He has a few of those magical phrases. Because it helps people feel seen and it builds layers. And so that was an interesting one. And ultimately, you know, you get this from the title of his book, but you don't want compromise. That's the worst outcome, right? That's why he says never split the difference. He really wants to, you know, be specific. And, you know, his point is specificity is not a risk. So it was fascinating. Fascinating. Those are some things that he talked about that are kind of commonly held things. Now, in the book world, all right, so he switched from being an FBI negotiator to starting the Black Swan Group. And the Black Swan Group teaches businesses negotiation. They'll actually go in and handle negotiations on behalf of people. And somebody said, how did you make that transition? Right? Because it's kind of like going from— well, it's not kind of. You're going public sector into private sector and being an entrepreneur as well. And very different mindsets and approaches. And he said, you know, in the beginning it was actually really slow getting going, but he did get the book deal and got the book done. And he said once the book came out, everything changed. Not instantly, but everything changed. He said that was really the piece that helped him become the authority, that got him the speaking engagements, that got him the media attention. And almost a decade later, he is still writing that book, right? This is one of the things that I talk about, which is You know, don't write a book, write the book and leverage it for years to come. Write it as evergreen as you possibly can so that you can be like him and be sitting around a table 10 years later still talking about the material that is in your book and you are still writing it and building your business around it. The other thing somebody said, I think it was the person who just signed a book deal, she's like, what worked to sell your book? And he said podcast interviews. He said, he said, you know, they don't seem like they're doing a lot sometimes, but, you know, over time they open the doors, they build momentum. And he credited podcast interviews to actually being the thing that continues to sell books to this day. So for me, I took away a few lessons for authors from that, you know, besides the things that I'm usually talking about, which is, you know, writing a great book and leveraging it and talking about it and continuing to talk about it, in his case, 10 years later. But also, you know, I think a lot of people are— a lot of authors, they barely finish their first book and they already start thinking about the next book or even working on it. And that's okay. Some people have pre-planned a series, right? And they're planning to use this series for a long, long time. But I think a lot of times we rush to the next book and don't give that book that we've just put time, effort, energy into— we don't give it enough time to really get traction. Right? We're bored of it before our readers even know about it. And I think that that's— when I look at authors like this that are still writing that book 10 years later, that's where I think we really want to be energized and excited about every new person that's discovering us today. And again, this was not about a viral moment. He built it consistently doing interviews, getting into rooms, and letting one thing lead to another. So it was pretty, pretty interesting to kind of see it all come together. Um, uh, Brian just said my oldest son is FBI, multiple roles. I've watched Chris Voss YouTube videos before. That's great, I'm glad, I'm glad you know who I'm talking about because some people don't know. Um, Isaac's read the book, very good, so that's great. And Gary's driving home, and Alvin from Austin's here, and Jennifer at the UK, she's probably got her pajamas on and is ready to call it a night. At least I would be. Probably 10 o'clock your time. Side note, I'm heading not to the UK but to Ireland next weekend. So that's, that's kind of exciting. Okay, let's wrap it up and then we'll take— we have time for questions. Any, any questions that you want to ask? But yeah, so those were kind of the main points that I wanted to share from it. I think, you know, how I ended up in that room, I think is a really, really important thing to take away from this. Also, you know, the 10 years of still leveraging the book and how the book was the thing that he said was the, the turning point for his business and how he started to become known, uh, you know, around the country, around the world. Uh, those, those were kind of really key things. And, uh, you know, it's never the one thing, right? And even he said, you know, podcast interviews— it wasn't one podcast interview, it's like a steady stream of just doing podcast interviews. He's also done a lot of speaking, right? He has spoken all over the world. Um, you know, but I think again, it's kind of reemphasizing that it's not one launch, one post, or one podcast. It's a long game. And when you play it consistently and you show up in person, especially now more than ever, you're meeting real people in real rooms. And that leads to one introduction that leads to to the next. You know, it's a fascinating— it can seem like nothing's happening. That's kind of the fascinating part for me is when you're in it, it feels like nothing's happening, right? Oh, I just went to this event. But then after you look back and you're like, wow, well, that event, I met this person and that person introduced me to, you know, this company or this tool or this person, and that led to this. And you look back after a year and you can really start to see the incredible momentum and the opportunities that have opened up as a result of you just doing As I always say, just do one thing every single day to get your book in front of a new reader, and magic will happen in time. All right, phew, that's a quick one, but I think, I think, I hope there was some cool items in there for you with that. So if you have questions, now's a good time, but I will also pop on over and we'll do a few prizes for those of you who are here. So if you haven't already said hello, now is a splendid moment to say hello while I am opening up our giveaway screen. All right, that should do it. So let me see if I can share it now. Let's see, um, share screen, maybe StreamYard. Oh, that's Chrome. Now hold on, let's see. It's always tricky. I always intend to close a bunch of things before I get on here. I am not seeing it in my selections here. Angela, can you get the StreamYard giveaway tool open? Oh no, I got it, I got it. There we go. All right, it was just playing tricks on me, uh, it was hiding in there. All right, so if you haven't already said hello, I'm going slow to give you a chance, but here we go. 14. Odds are good today, guys. All right, let's see who we've got first up. Sage. Oh, you might be a new winner. I'm not sure if you have won before. All right, so the drill, um, you need to email team@booklaunchers.com, and Angela is on the other side of that email waiting to hear from you. And what she wants to know is your mailing address, as well as— as long as you are in the US, you will have your choice of a hashtag NoBoringBooks mug right here. Yay! Um, without the stapler. Um, our Oh So Soft Journal, which I don't have one handy, or copies of Self-Publish and Succeed or Self-Promote and Succeed. If you are not in the US, she will send you a digital prize, and she will coordinate that with you via email. So congrats, Sage! Um, I'm excited to have you here and have you be a winner. So email team@booklaunchers.com, and Angela dropped that in the comments for you. And then I will do another prize. And if anybody has questions, go ahead and put them in the chat so that I can answer them afterwards. All right, next draw. Here we go. And funny, last time Book Launchers— I was just thinking Book Launchers won twice last time, which shouldn't have happened. And there it just won again. Congratulations, Angela, go to your closet and pick yourself out something real nice, okay? Oh, okay, you guys can't see her, but she's behind the scenes. She was last, she's laughing. Okay, we'll try this again. Let's see, I pick Max. Yeah, I think— I don't know how many you have, so you can just sneak one out. All right, Jason, congrats, Jason. So excited. So Jason, you probably have all the things, so let Angela know what you need a duplicate of and email her at team@booklaunchers.com with your choice. And I think we've got your address, but you can always verify where you would like it sent as well. So thank you, and thank you for being here. All right, anybody have questions? I'm just scrolling through, but I don't see Oh, there, Angela says there's one. Here it is. Great. Isaac said, what events would you suggest new authors try to attend over the summer? Great question. So this is going to depend on a few factors. So factor one is what you're trying to accomplish with your, you know, with your attendance. So what I mean by that is kind of what's your bigger picture goal? So are you trying to connect with people who maybe you can— it might lead to a speaking engagement? Are you trying to sell are you trying to meet other authors, are you trying to get yourself more exposure, say, on podcasts or something like that? Because that is going to change what I recommend, you know, as far as where you do. Also, you know, first thing is to look locally. So for me, I kind of do this in a few ways. I look locally and see what am I interested in, because just meeting people that share common interests is a great thing. Right, so what am I interested in? How much does it cost? Right, if I can attend something for a pretty low cost and it's local, then why not, right? Like, why not? If something I'm interested in and I can do it for a low cost and I don't have to travel, let's, let's give it a whirl and see what it's like. And, and as soon as travel comes into play, then I'm more focused on, okay, what's the goal? What's, what's a win for this? Now, a couple things, couple thoughts come to mind. So National Speakers Association has their conference in July. You know, it's a really big conference. It wouldn't be my, my first pick unless you're a brand new speaker and you're just trying to learn the business and meet other speakers. That would be a high-value type event. But I like to go to smaller local events. Groups, associations, I think are really high value. So you can go on Meetup, and see, you know, who's, who's got meetups in and around your topic area or complementary topics. You can go to book fairs and see what other authors are out and about and what they're doing and ask them questions. The summer always has book fairs. I just saw an advertisement for here in Las Vegas, well Henderson, there's a Henderson Reads event coming up. Unfortunately, I won't be able to go, but, but, you know, they have tons of free activities. They have author signings and and booths. And, and my son and I went to the downtown Las Vegas one last year, and, and it was great. And you see, you can meet new people and things like that. So a lot of this, the answer is it depends. But I like to start local. I like to start with groups and associations and meetups, and then I'll choose my travel and the ones that I spend more money on carefully. There is Author Nation here in November here in Las Vegas. Um, you know, it's a really, really great event for authors. My hesitation in saying universally that you should be here is again going back to your goals. And, um, it's, it's quite a fiction-oriented group. So if you write fiction and nonfiction, you know, or if you just write fiction and you're here and you're hanging out with us, cool. Um, but it is, it is, I think, quite fiction-oriented. I go, it's local, so I'm gonna go. I can meet a lot of the other companies that are serving people in this space and make connections that way. So there's value in it for that. Um, you know, but I don't know, you know, if you have to travel a long way and invest a lot coming. They haven't done a lot for the nonfiction space, but it's still great to meet other authors and kind of learn what people are doing. So long answer because a lot of the answer is it depends, and so I'm trying to give you value without just saying it depends. Um, any other questions? No, that's it. All right. Oh wait, I saw somebody's comment pop up here. Let's just go down and see. Oh, that was helpful. Okay, good. I'm so glad. All right, well, if you haven't joined us over on our school, our free community over on school, come on over. You can always post your questions there. Fabulous folks like Kevin are hanging out. Kevin Hall, he's over there answering questions. Kevin has published lots of books. In fact, his latest book is on— was it Book Marketing on a Budget or something like that, Kevin? So he's got a wealth of knowledge along with my whole team from Book Launchers. Pops into school and answers questions as well. So booklaunchers.com/skool if you want to come join that free community. Otherwise, we're taking a little hiatus from lives. Um, I am going to be in Ireland, as I mentioned, for the next 2 weeks, and so we just decided to not do live streams for the next 2 weeks. And then the, the 3rd week when I'm back, I'll be doing the State of Publishing show, which, uh, I do inside of our free community. So We are going to be 3 weeks— it'll basically be a month when we are back here with our next live on YouTube. So until then, I hope we can hang out in school, and I will see you then. Thanks for being here today. Bye!