WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM TALKING TO PEOPLE

What's going on, y'all? Welcome back. It is July 7th, 2017. It is also episode 107 of the Daniel Bourke Show. Can you get more ones, zeros, and sevens in a date or an episode number? I did not know. My favorite number is 7. I've got a dog named Seven. It's just the universe is aligning. This was meant to happen. Number episode 107 was meant to happen on this day. It is a Friday, a beautiful Friday. It's early afternoon, but as you can see, it is— well, as you might not be able to see, and if you're listening, it is a beautiful rainy day here in Brisbane, and I'm excited. I've got a topic planned today that is really close to my heart. I actually had a formative moment the other day walking, just I went for a walk, like with no technology, no nothing, just went for a 20-minute walk down to the waterfront and back near my house. And I realised one of the things I really enjoy doing is communicating with people on various platforms. I think that's probably the reason, fundamental reason, why I started the podcast, why I started the YouTube channel, why I started writing. It's communication. And so, today it's Friday, of course, and it's a new episode every Friday. Whether you're watching on YouTube or whether you're listening to the podcast, thank you for tuning in. And in tradition with the last few Fridays, it's going to be 5 minutes of fire. So, I'm going to set myself a timer and I'm going to go over a topic in 5 minutes and see how much I can get out. I've got a few dot points written down here. I'm also sitting here with my Pu-erh tea, P-U-H-Y-E-R-H. It's a Chinese black tea with a little bit of green tea and coconut oil in there. Hat tip to Tim Ferriss for that. And soda water. For those on the, on the YouTube channel, you can see, see this combination, but for those on the podcast, this is one of my favourite combinations ever. It's a good time, but that's going to be given a rest for the next 5 minutes or so while I talk about this sort of stuff. Alrighty, 5 minutes. What's today's topic? Well, it's communication. I haven't really thought of the exact topic yet. It's interacting with people. Just a few things that I've learned over having conversations with people. As you may or may not know, I used to work at Apple, the retail store, and I was a Genius there. And so, what my main role was, was interacting with customers day in, day out. And over the 3 years or so I was there, I would have interacted with thousands of customers. I had a fairly high customer rating, 90% or something like that, 88%. Average over the 3 years. So I don't know, I've had a lot of experience talking to people and that it's one of my favorite things to do. So I'm just going to share a few things that I use, a few techniques, a few conversation techniques, and I don't know, try them out, see what you think. And yeah, that's the main point actually, guys, is anything I share on this channel, whether it be podcast, YouTube, whatever, Don't always listen to me. Listen to me and then try it out. That's what I try to do with lots of everything that I bring to you is that I, I will probably never tell you something that I haven't tried out myself. And if I haven't tried it out, I will put a massive disclaimer. All these things here, I've definitely tried out. So let's start it off. 5 minutes of fire. We'll get the timer going. Those on the YouTube channel, you can see this. Those on the podcast, you'll be able to hear it soon. So, 5 minutes, let's go. Communication. So, what's tip number 1? Names. Names is massive. So, I sort of played a game with myself because I would see 40 or so customers a day at Apple, or maybe sometimes more. It depends on what I was doing. I would forget their names so often, so often. And I used to play, like, I used to, because you could see their name, the customer name on the iPad. But when you're trying to use it in conversation, you don't always get a chance to glance down and say their name before they notice you looking at their name. So, there's no real way, sort of, that I've found to cement names in your memory, like for me anyway. Sometimes I go, I use their name 3 times within a minute of meeting them, or I'll make a story about their name. So, it's like, Dave came in and told me about this, and Dave is wearing a blue shirt, and Dave is about 6 foot tall, and Dave has blue eyes. So, sub in whatever name you want there. But otherwise, it just takes some effort, like, like remembering anything, like studying, like learning, like reading. If you want to learn anything, it takes some effort to commit it to memory. So, names, find a technique that works for you or just use some effort, commit that name to memory, and trust me, it's so much more valuable when you can go back up to someone and say, Hey Dave, it was very nice to meet you. So, that was number 1, names. Number 2, people love to talk about themselves, right? So, if you're stumped for questions, just keep asking the person about themselves. Dig deeper, dig deeper. Like for example, I went to a meetup last night, right? And I had no idea of, I didn't know anyone that was going to be there. I went to a Brisbane artificial intelligence meetup, shout out to all the guys who went there. And I was walking around in the crowd, right? I didn't know who to talk to. I was trying to get my brothers to come with me because I wanted to know someone there, right? But I didn't know anyone. They didn't want to come. I ended up going by myself. And so I walked around in the crowd and I ended up running into a person and I just, the first thing I said was, "Hi, I'm Daniel." Like just started off. And that's another point we'll get to later, but I just started off and then it turns out I was speaking to the host of the talk. And so, I got a 20-minute one-on-one chat just by asking questions and sort of reiterating what he would say. So, when, for example, you can use this for any situation. If you're, if someone's telling you about what they do or whatnot, ask a question about what they do. It seems simple, right? But what I found works really well is if they were to tell you a story or tell you something that you don't know about, It's the best way to sort of learn about it and show that you're listening is to rephrase what they just said in your own words, and then they'll critique you or agree with you if you're correct. And that leads into a great in-depth conversation. And bonus point, you get to learn something as well, because when you sort of rephrase it in your own words, you understand it more, right? So, the way I sort of look at it as well is that Every single person you meet is smarter than you at at least one thing. So, if you can find that one thing, you can accelerate your learning extremely fast just by talking with them. And so, that's number 2. So, people love talking about themselves, but make sure you're an active listener. So, that means questions, reiterating what they said, and finding out what they're smarter than you at and learning from that. Because if you find out what they're smarter than you at, they'll love to talk about it, of course, because we all have some sort of ego and we all love sort of teaching other people the things that we're passionate about. Number 3, warm-up conversations. So, this is a fun one. So, like when you go to exercise, right? You'd stretch and you pump and you get the weights and you warm up or you sit in the sun for a bit, you warm up. You're not going to go 0 to 100 in one go, right? So, if you're going to an event and you know there's going to be a crowd of people there and you're not sure who you can talk to. And you know there's not going to be anyone there that you know, someone you've spoken to in there previously, call your friend on the way there and have a 10-minute, 15-minute conversation before you get to the event, right? That's what I did. I was going to this meetup. I knew I wasn't going to know anyone there. I hadn't spoken to anyone outside of my family all day. And so, to warm myself up in the conversation, I called my best friend. We can talk for hours about anything, right? And so, it's fun talking to your best friend. Bonus, you get to talk to your best friend and also you warm up, so you get ready, you get ready to converse with other people. Like, you might have been inside all day like me, studying like a nerd, and you're going into a group, like an environment where you're supposed to talk with other people. And, I don't know, changing environments is very hard, so why not make it easier for yourself by warming up. 5 minutes is over already, I still got 3 or 4 points, but that's alright. My show, we'll, we'll do the 5 minutes. I'll keep it short. So yeah, warm-up conversations, warm up, talk to your friend. That way when you go into the environment, you're already excited. You've already started talking to someone else and you can take those feelings and just apply it to wherever you want. Start it off, start it off. Remember, the most important thing is starting out. That's going to be another point later on. So that was number 3, warm-up conversations. Number 4 is the follow-up. So important, right? So if it, For example, at the event I was at, there was 100+ people and even though I had a 20-minute conversation with the host and he was an awesome guy, he's going to be conversing with everyone else there, right? So, I made sure like by the end of the, by the end of his talk, I went up at the end and thanked him and said, "It was really great to talk to you," and whatnot, and remind them who you are, right? If you want to form a relationship with someone, human beings, we only have, really maximum potential of around 150 people. Like, there's been studies on this and whatnot, sort of, we were evolved in tribes and things like that, and we really can only hold 150 people in memory. So, if you want to cement yourself as being, well, in close memory, if you want to cement yourself as being known, make sure you follow up. The introduction is massively important, and the follow-up is, again, even more important, or Get their phone number, get their email or something and just remind them a few days later, hey, uh, it was great talking to you, yada yada yada. Go talk about something you were talking about. All right. Short and simple. Keep it short. That's what I've got to do with this man, with, uh, with the guy I met at the meetup last night because he was an awesome dude. So I've still got to do that part. Um, feet. Oh, simple one. Conversation. Is mostly body language, not just the words I'm speaking. So, if someone's closed off, they're probably not going to want to talk to you. That's, that's an obvious one, like if they're not facing you. But a really good one is feet. If their feet are facing you, right, they are interested in talking to you. If their feet are facing away from you, probably not that interested in talking to you. You should move on. That's alright though. Go to the next one. You will find someone who's interested in you. So, that's easy, feet. So, that was number 5. Number 6, walk instead of sitting or eating before giving a talk. So, this is somewhat to do with conversations as well, but if you're— or maybe a job interview or something like that, or whatever. If you have to perform in public, I know when I make phone calls, I go for walks and whatnot. Because the brain is far more active when you're walking. And plus, sitting down, you've sort of got nothing else to occupy your brain with. You're going to feel all these anxiety thoughts and eating, like if you're eating all of a sudden, now your body has to digest food rather than sort of promote itself and talk to a group of people. So, too many things going on at once. And plus, like, think about it, right? If you're sitting down being calm and relaxed before your talk, and then you get up and you start to talk, how do you think your talk's going to look? You're not going to be vibrant, you're going to be as if you're sitting down and calm. I mean, that may be the look you're going for, so maybe that's ideal, but if you want to be sort of that person who captures the audience's attention, I highly recommend going for a walk beforehand. If you're making a phone call, go for a walk. Bonus, you get physical exercise and your brain's more stimulated. There's been studies done on this. I don't have the exact figure, but the brain's more activated after a short 20-minute walk. So, I don't know, you've got a job interview, instead of waiting in the lobby, maybe you could just go for a 20-minute walk and come back. Who knows? Try it out. Try it out. And the final one, the hardest part is starting, right? So, that's— this is not just for communicating or talking with people. The hardest part is starting, always, right? And that, for example, like when I started this podcast, I was really, really afraid of posting the first episode. And when I started writing on medium.com, I was really afraid of posting my first article. I had like 4 articles in drafts and didn't want to publish any of them because I was worried about what other people think. I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, but just do it. Just jump in. Just do it. And it's really like Nike's— Nike's motto is "Just do it" for a reason, right? But the hardest part is starting, like whether it be introducing yourself to someone new, getting up and doing a talk, doing a podcast, even before this podcast, right? I was doing every single task that you could imagine because I was just facing the resistance of not starting. If you haven't heard of resistance, A great book is Steven Pressfield's The War on Art. Amazing book. It talks about resistance, which is pretty much like the feeling you get when you're supposed to be doing something, but you don't do it. So, hardest part is starting. Get started. As soon as you get the momentum, things will flow. Ask questions. Look at the feed. Follow up. Have a warm-up conversation. All these things combined. Makes for great communication. They're just some of the things I learned sort of after 3.5 years of dealing with customer interactions at Apple, as well as sort of doing public speaking. In high school, I did— I was captain of the debating team. I've done 100— this is 107 episodes of podcasts now. I've interviewed people and done YouTube channels, and I'm still— I'm not an expert at it. I'm mostly doing this, like, trying to write down what I know, because I know in a few years' time, like, You forget like 40% of your memories and I don't know, I don't know the exact figures, but think about it, a couple of years ago, you know nowhere near as much as what you remember of the last 12 months, right? So, from the top, use the name 3 times or just commit it to memory, put some effort in. People love talking about themselves. Warm up conversations, have some fun, call a friend and get your voice, get talking, get talking first. Follow up, feet, walk instead of sitting/eating, and the hardest part is starting. That's a wrap. Episode 107 is over. I went way over the 5 minutes of fire, but that's all right. I think this is relatively short. I don't know the time, I can't see it. I'm filming on the iPhone. My camera is still broken, those on YouTube. But new lens inbound sometime soon. Thank you so much for watching. Thank you so much for listening. If you want to find me, misterdeburgh.com. My social media is @misterdeburgh everywhere. Or if you want a newsletter once a month from me with a few cool things, just a random bunch of stuff I found from the internet, 4, 5, 6 bullet points at the most. I do it once a month. You can sign up on my website. It's called A Few Cool Things, misterdeburgh.com. Otherwise, call someone, tell them you love them, and— oh wait, the daily challenge is get walking, get talking. So the next phone call you have, do it while walking. We'll catch you next week.