Find Your Balance Point Book Interview

Hello, I'm Brian Tracy and I have a question for you. Do you have too much to do and too little time? Are you overwhelmed? Are you swamped with work? Do you find yourself feeling like you're on a treadmill and sometimes you're doing more and more things that are less and less value to you? Well, my daughter Christina and I have written a book called Find you'd Balance Point. And what this does is it takes the very best thinking of thousands of people over the years to to help people find exactly where they should be in life so that they feel happy and fulfilled and full of energy. And they love their work and they love their co workers and they feel that they are becoming everything they're capable of becoming. And in the next few minutes, Christine and I are going to talk about some of these points and how they can help you to improve every part of your life. Please let me welcome Christina. How are you, my dear?

I'm good, thanks dad. So, yes, so this book came about because we were talking about balance and how balance is something that I think everybody wants to feel in their lives. Everybody is striving to feel balance. And it occurred to us in this sort of process about the idea of sort of a true balance versus a false balance and the idea that people tend to strive for false balance because they don't necessarily know what would provide them with true balance. Thus came the concept of the balance point and this idea that if each individual has a unique point, that is where they experience their true balance and that is where they feel the most grounded, the most clarity, the most confidence, the greatest ability to sort of move through their day feeling connected to what they're spending their time on. That we would create these steps to help people identify their balance point and then how to live in accordance with that balance point.

In achieving balance, it's absolutely essential that a person be clear about their values. One of the things that we say is that your inner life and your outer life have to be in harmony. And psychologists call this congruence because everything that you do and say on the outside is consistent with what you really believe is important and true on the inside. And sometimes I used to use the example of a car driving down the road and shaking. And it's because the wheels are out of balance. And what you have to do is balance the wheels so they're perfectly balanced and then the car drives smoothly and that's what people want to achieve in their life. And when they get their inner life in harmony with their outer life, then everything Becomes smooth for them. And you talk a lot about that.

Yes, Actually, it's interesting because the idea of self esteem, which sort of drives our confidence and our feeling of being grounded and knowing that we're investing our time in the right places, happens when you think of what you should be doing or what your ideal situation is. And then you look at what you are doing. And depending on if you were to look at these two circles, how much the circles overlap determines how great your self esteem really is. So ideally, when we're talking about balance, we're also talking about being fully authentic and fully present in your life. And so determining your values and what's important to you on the inside really is the starting point to determine what your actions should be on the outside, how you should really invest your time and energy. Because ultimately, when we invest our time and energy in the things that matter to us, where we feel connected or we feel energized by our actions, that is when we feel truly balanced. And it's when we feel that we're investing time and energy in things that don't matter, or maybe distractions from things that do matter, we tend to feel guilty that we're wasting our time or we feel unproductive. And so it is really important to first identify those values and who you are on the inside, what motivates you.

Yes, there's this great book on tidying up now, and it says, take everything in your life and ask, does this spark joy in me? If it doesn't spark joy, then remove it from your life. Well, so that's what we're talking about here. And you can tell if you're living in harmony with your values because they spark joy. Now what we found is that everything is from the inside to the outside. So the first word in values is clarity. You have to be absolutely clear about your values in the different parts of life.

Absolutely. You know, talking about clarity of your values. I work with a lot of women who are mothers, and one of the problems that I am myself, I'm a mother, One of the things that we really deal with is this idea of feeling guilty all the time with how we're spending our time. And so when you are clear about what you value and you are spending your time in things that matter, you know, so for a lot of women who are deciding how to, you know, allocate their time, whether it's in their personal lives or their professional lives, being clear about these values and knowing that it is important for me to have a career and to pursue my Professional ambitions versus I also want to pick my kids up from school or be at this event or whatever it is. There's so much less guilt when you're making a conscious choice as to how to allocate your time versus being passive and going through the motions. So clarity really is significant in getting to that place.

I remember when I married Barbara and we had you and then our second child, Michael. And it was very time consuming and overwhelming. And I had an opportunity for a huge job on the other side of the country. And I was leaving for the airport to go for an interview, and I got to the back door and I had my suitcase and my briefcase. And Barbara came up to me and she was really upset. She was tired. She said, please don't go. And I said, okay. I put down my briefcase and my suitcase and I never went and I never got that job. And who knows what happened. But the reason I did that is because when I got married, I made it clear that my family was more important than anything else. So if it was a choice between this and this, it's a very easy decision to make. Right.

And it's really important to make that initial decision about what's important to you. We'll talk later about sort of time management. But one of the things that I've also come encounter with is people who find their social lives to be very important, their friendships to be really important. And yet somehow when we talk about how they're allocating their time, there is this idea that maybe spending time with their friends is not a priority, but it's one of the things that's most important to them. And so therefore it is a priority. Which goes back to the. This idea that we all sort of have a unique balance point. Nobody has the same balance point because nobody. I mean, we can be very similar, but we all care about things a little bit differently. And so honoring the differences and saying, I'm gonna do it this way. Some people may wanna work full time and not have a family. Some people wanna have a family full time and not work. And that's great. Everybody has their own way of doing it. And so if we can support each other and we can kind of guide everybody or just supplement and so that we're pursuing our own goals and respecting each other's goals, that that is how we achieve this balance point in all of our lives.

Yeah, and I remember you just mentioned about time management. One of the things that people say, well, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough time. I don't have enough time. Well, you know, I've worked on time management for years and you and I have worked together. And what we find is that most people waste most of their time at work. And in idle chit chat with co workers, with social media, with long lunches and coffee breaks, with playing and responding to email is they don't realize it's called invisible time wastage. And if you ask a person, do you waste time at work? They'll say, absolutely not. I'm busy all day long, I'm exhausted, I don't have time for exercising, I don't have time for my health, I don't have time for my family and so on. And they say, well, let us take a movie and just follow you around for a day and just look at how you use your time and then play the movie back. And each person is astonished at how much time they spend doing things that have nothing to do with the work. Now here's the problem is the work continues to accumulate. It doesn't go away. It just keeps growing and growing. And it's this overhang of work that causes so much stress.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, and that's a great activity. A video or taking. Writing down a list for what you did for the last day and just seeing how many things you do to spend your time that are really not something that means something to you, like just getting distracted by things or talking to people or running errands that are unnecessary or at work, like you're saying with social media and things like that that are distracting, that's what makes you feel out of balance. Because those are the activities that don't bring meaning to your life. They don't help you achieve anything. They distract you and they suck your energy and they make you feel like you are. It's almost like if you have a limited amount of time and you're wasting time, then suddenly you have less time to do all the things that are very important and that becomes very stressful. And that's where we feel out of balance.

You know, there's an old saying that before you do something, you have to do something else first. So the starting point in life is you've got to take some time to be clear about your values with regard to your work, your values with regard to your career, and your values with regard to the people in your life. And lack of clarity leads to fuzziness and an inability to make a decision between doing this or doing that.

Absolutely. I mean, I like our conversation that we had kind of been putting this book together about sort of creating a map, you know, and how like. Or like a bullseye, and how when you know which direction you're moving, you feel much more confident moving towards something that you are clear about. Whereas if you don't have a destination, you end up driving in circles or not, you know, not knowing where you're going. And then your energy and your eff feel like they have purpose. And so really having that clarity as to what your ideal vision is or what you want for your life is sort of that target you're aiming at or the map you're creating to get there. So the clarity is absolutely essential.

One of the things we talk about is imagine you could wave a magic wand and make your life perfect sometime in the future. What would it look like if your life was perfect in terms of your family, your income, your health, your financial situation, and how would it be different from today? And what could you start doing today to begin creating that perfect future?

Absolutely. And that's actually a very fun activity, and you can do that for your day. Even, you know, just having this ideal vision. It's like a to do list. It's a plan. And so. Yeah, no, and that's really such an important element to feeling balanced, to knowing what you're working towards, to choosing the path to having this ideal vision of your future without any sort of restrictions. Because, you know, obviously things come and we have to kind of navigate them. But to start out with the fantasy is such a fun place to kind of begin on that journey.

What is your vision of your perfect future, and how would it be different from today? And what could you do immediately to begin creating that perfect future?

Yes. And that actually brings us kind of to the idea of goals and goal setting and how having clarity on that picture gives you the picture. And then suddenly it's, well, how do I get there? So what are the goals and what are the steps to get to that ideal picture? And goals in all different categories of life? Just the same way you imagine your ideal financial life, your ideal family life, you create goals in terms of what you want in each of those categories, and then you work towards those goals. And again, I mean, I think that one of the main themes in here that's really important to emphasize is this idea that balance is a result of working towards something that matters to you, that every part of it holds meaning. And so when you have. When you think about your day or when you're in your moment and you're fully engaged by the activity that you are consciously Choosing to do it holds meaning to you. It makes you feel happy. You feel connected to yourself. You feel connected to your friends, to your partner, to your family. And that's where you're balanced. And at the same time, simultaneously, you're working towards a goal to achieving this perfect picture. So it all sort of falls in place now.

People always ask me, what is the key to success? What is the one key? What's the magic key? And I've always said this after being irritated for years about the answer. The answer is very simple. Find something that you love to do and then put your whole heart into. Into doing it.

Well, absolutely, whatever it is. And in every category, maybe you love something physically, you love something with your family, something with work. I mean, some people, you know, we talk about the idea of, like, living to work and working to live and how everybody's different and everybody's gonna have something that's really inspiring to them and that it might not be their job. It might be writing a book or doing art after work or, you know, or it could be a job that is so fulfilling that you're just passionate about sharing and growing and moving in some direction, like. Yeah. So it's just. It's really great and exciting how different everybody is and how easy it is for each individual to really achieve balance in their lives when they stop thinking about their balance in relation to someone else's balance, that their balance point is unique to them, just as someone else's is unique to them. And that really with the clarity and with these visions and having goals, that we can kind of create our own picture and be working towards that goal simultaneously with other people, where we're supporting each other and kind of honoring the fact that we're different and that it doesn't necessarily have to be the same for everyone. But the ideal is that we do feel grounded, that we do feel confident, that we feel connected to what we're doing, that we have limited amount of time, and that we spend that time with things that matter to us, that every moment holds meaning, because otherwise we're wasting it. And that's where we feel off kilter and overwhelmed. And so it's all about seeking that meaning and connection to get to balance.

So if your values on the inside and your goals on the outside are in harmony, then you feel this congruency, this alignment. You find your balance point.

Absolutely.

One of the ways that you can always tell, you know, Aristotle said the ultimate aim of human life is to be happy. And one of the ways that you can measure where you are is how happy are you and how much of the time are you happy. And taking the time to be really clear about who you are and what you want is really the key to happiness. And then they say that happiness is the progressive, step by step movement towards something that's really important to you. And if you do not know clearly what you want and you don't have a plan to get there, which is what we teach in Balance Point. And as you say, your life will go around in circles. You know, it's interesting. We've made the book very short so that you can get right into it, follow the exercises and questions, and come out the other end, probably in one reading. They say that every minute spent in planning saves 10 minutes in execution. That means people say, I don't have time. Yes, but the fact is, if you sit down and read this through and be clear about your values in each area and then clear about the goals that you want to achieve, and then make plans to achieve them and start working on them, you'll save yourself nine minutes for every minute that you take just deciding where you want to go.

Oh, absolutely. And just, you know, I mean, everybody resonates with different things. And there are so many great concepts in this book that just coming into contact with one of them and being like, oh, I finally get this. You know, like, whether it's some of the time management techniques we talk about or the goal setting or around values and clarifying your values. I mean, so I have worked with so many people at this point where we sit down to do a values clarification exercise, and people have never, you know, it's such a hard thing to sort of conceptualize, but it's amazing when you really do consider those things. And so just one element from this book could trigger a complete shift in your life. And in writing this book, I feel like we've had so many conversations about these concepts and it really is amazing to share this stuff and see how it changes people and how much more grounded people feel when they can integrate this stuff into their lives. Just even becoming aware of it is huge. So it's a lot of fun.

I think all the great truths in life are simple as we explain. But one of the great questions is, is it working for you? Does it make you happy? Does it spark joy?

Does it spark joy?

Each adult, I learned this as a young man. Each adult is responsible for organizing their life so that it makes them happy. The wonderful line I learned when I was in my 20s was that this is real life. And no one is coming to the rescue. Yeah.

No one is holding your hand.

Nobody's holding your hand. This is it. This life is not a rehearsal for something else. And that's an incredible thought, because most people think, well, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing now, and then at a certain point, my real life will begin. No, this is it. The play is on. The audience is there.

Yes. Yes, no. And you don't want to regret not spending any of that time on special things.

Jimmy Kimmel had this great line. It's just, how are you showing up? How are you showing up every day? Are you happy? Are you prepared? Does your work energize you? Do your relationships make you happy? And if it's not working, then there's only one person in the world who can make the changes to make it work. And what this book does is it shows you step by step how you can go through your life and come out the other end with a complete plan so that you live your life in complete harmony and congruence with the best person inside of you and the best world around you.

Absolutely. And it's also so easy to know when you are falling off track because there are so many ways to just identify it, that you can achieve this balance point and you can maintain it and that despite what happens and things that change, you know, we're so fortunate that we are given cues, you know, from our world or our bodies or whatever it is to know when we're actually not in balance and when we need to come back to balance. And so it's a really awesome tool.

You know, nature is wonderful for us because if we have a physical problem of any kind, nature tells us that something is wrong by giving us pain, discomfort. But if we have an emotional problem in our lives, something is out of balance. Nature also tells us by giving us unhappiness, stress, dissatisfaction.

Yes.

Now we listen to our bodies. If we feel unhealthy, we go and find out what's wrong. We go to a doctor. Well, all the person has to do is listen to their heart, listen to their intuition. And if they don't feel happy, if their life does not spark joy, what it means is they need to find their balance point.

Something is out of alignment right back.

To their center, to their very best self and start again.

Absolutely. If you want to learn to clarify your values, set your goals and determine your priorities, then pick up a copy of our new book, Find you'd Balance Point, by me, Christina Stein and Brian Tracy. And I promise this book will teach you some incredible things to help you feel grounded and balanced and confirm to you that you are making the most meaning in your life every day. So pick up a copy and you'll find out for yourself. Thanks.