Brian Tracy presents a short instructional talk about forgiveness as the path to peace of mind. He identifies four groups you must forgive—parents; past intimate relationships; everyone else who has hurt you (bosses, friends, betrayers); and yourself—and gives practical techniques: repeat forgiveness phrases whenever memories arise, write a three-part forgiveness letter (forgive, list grievances, wish them well) and, when appropriate, apologize to those you hurt. The talk emphasizes personal responsibility, emotional release, and focusing on the future.
Chapters
The greatest human goal is peace of mind. And the greatest obstacle to peace of mind is anger and blame aimed at other people. In order to eliminate anger and blame, you have to learn to forgive. And there are four people that you need to forgive if you're really serious about changing your life and learning how to live in the present. The first people you have to forgive are your parents, living or dead. You must absolutely forgive them for every mistake they ever made in bringing you up. At the very least, you should be grateful to them for giving you life. They got you here. If you're happy to be alive, you can forgive them for everything else. Never complain about them again. Many of my seminar participants have phoned or visited their parents after the seminar and told them that they forgive them for everything and for every mistake they ever made. Bringing them up. Often this simple act of courage and character on your part has had the profound effect on their relationship with their mother or father. From that day onward, they become good friends with their parents, which then lasted for the rest of their lives together. On the other hand, by not forgiving your parents, you remain forever a child. You block your own chance to grow up and become a fully fun functioning adult. You continue to see yourself as a victim of your parents, a victim of your childhood, and even worse, you keep your negative feelings of inferiority and anger alive inside yourself. If your parents die without your having forgiven them, it can bother you for the rest of your life. The second persons you must forgive are the people from your marriages or relationships that didn't work out. These intimate relationships can be so intense and so threatening to your feelings of self esteem and self worth that you can become angry and unforgiving toward these people for years. But remember, you were at least partially responsible for the relationships in your life that didn't work out. Have the personal strength and integrity to say those magic words, I am responsible. And then think of ways that you were responsible for the relationship. Rather than thinking of reasons why the other person is to blame, forgive the other person and let him or her go. Say these words, I forgive him or her for everything, and I wish him or her well. Each time you repeat this, the negative emotion attached to the memory will diminish. Almost like turning down the heat on a pot. It gets cooler and cooler and soon it will be gone forever. Many of my seminar graduates have found that the letter is the key to putting a bad relationship behind them forever. This is a powerful technique that I learned many years ago and that can free you from feelings of anger and resentment almost Instantly, it can liberate you from from the negativity of a past relationship in a matter of seconds. Here's how it works. What you do is you sit down and you write the other person a letter of forgiveness. This letter consists of three parts. First, you say, I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me. Second, you write out a description or list of every single thing that you steal and angry about. Some people write several pages in this part, what you did, what you said, what you didn't do, and so on. They get it all on paper. And third, you end the letter with these words, I wish you well. You then take the letter to the mailbox and drop it in. Or if you're using email, and I prefer to do it on paper, if you're using email, press send. At that moment, you'll feel a huge sense of relief and you'll be free at last. By the way, don't worry about how the other person might react. This is not your concern. Your goal is to free yourself. It's to regain your peace of mind and to get on with the wonderful life that lies ahead of you. Now, the third person you must forgive is everyone else in your life who. Who has ever hurt you in any way. Let them go. Forgive every boss, every business partner, friend or crook or betrayer who has ever caused you grief of any kind. Clean the slate and forgive and forget. Wipe away each of their names and wipe the images off by just saying whenever you think of them, I forgive him or her for everything and I wish them well. I forgive them for everything and I wish them well. You just repeat this statement every time you think of the other person or situation until the negative emotions actually disappear. It's the most amazing darn thing. Again, when you start to say it. Initially, when you think of the other person and they make you mad, you won't see much of a reaction. But as you keep saying it, I forgive them and wish them well. I forgive them and wish them well. Your temperature goes down and down and down, and like a fire with no fuel, it finally goes cold and all the emotion is gone. The fourth and final person you have to forgive is yourself. You must absolutely forgive yourself for every silly, senseless, wicked, brainless, thoughtless or cruel thing that you've ever done or said. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with you. That was then and this is now. Think of it this way. When you did those things in the past that you still feel badly about, you were not the person that you are today. At that time, you were a different person. You were younger and less experienced. You were not your true self as you are today. You are an immature version of the person that you have become with experience. So stop beating yourself up for something that occurred in the past, something that a different person did, not you, and something that you cannot change. Just say the words, I forgive myself for every mistake I ever made. I am a thoroughly good person and I'm going to have a wonderful future. Even better, you can add the words I love myself unconditionally. When you love yourself unconditionally, you let yourself go. Now, whenever you think of that past event or situation or person that you hurt or did something untoward, to just repeat, I forgive myself completely. And then get on with your life. Focus on the future rather than the past. And don't look back. Look at where you're going rather than where you've been. And finally, if you did something that hurt someone and you still feel badly about it, you can go to that person or write and apologize. Just tell the person you're sorry for what you did or said. Whatever his or her reaction, positive or negative, it doesn't matter. The very act of repentance, of expressing regret, will set you free. Please visit www.briantracy.com my newsletters to sign up for my free weekly newsletters and my Goal Setting Guide. That goal setting guide, by the way, is neat. You can use it to plan the next year of your life.
