Brian Tracy presents a short motivational talk on how the fear of failure and the fear of rejection (or criticism) are primary obstacles to adult success. He describes their physical sensations (solar plexus, rapid heartbeat, tight throat, bladder urgency), traces rejection fear to conditional parental love, links these fears to Type A performance patterns, and offers an antidote centered on building courage, character, and self-esteem. He recommends two practical techniques: repeat the affirmation “I can do it” when afraid, and continually view oneself as valuable; he frames repeated failure as "failing forward" toward eventual success.
Chapters
Hi there. Did you know that the fear of failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in adult life? Taken to its extreme, we become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake, with seeking security above all other considerations. The fear of failure holds us back. Now the experience of the fear of failure is contained in the words, I, I can't, I can't. We feel this fear in the front of the body, physically starting in the solar plexus, moving up to the rapid beating of the heart, rapid breathing of the lungs, and then a tight throat. And we also experience this fear in the bladder and in the irresistible need to run to the bathroom when we're afraid. The second major fear that interferes with performance and inhibits expression is the fear of rejection or criticism. We learn this fear when our parents make their love conditional upon our behavior. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and approval. If we do something that they don't like, they withdraw their love and approval, which we interpret as rejection. In fact, a psychologist said that all adult problems come from love withheld in childhood. As adults, people raised with conditional love become preoccupied with the opinions of others. Many men, for example, develop type A behavior which is characterized by hostility and suspicion and an obsession with performance to some undetermined high level. This is expressed in the attitude of I have to, I have to. I have to perform, I have to get results. I have to, I have to please someone else. And this is associated with the feeling that I have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the boss who has become a surrogate parent. More than 99% of adults experience both these fears of failure and rejection. They are caught in the trap of feeling I can't, but I have to or I have to, but I can't. Now, the antidote to these fears is the development of courage and character and self esteem. The opposite of fear is actually love, self love and self respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and they lose their ability to affect our behavior and and our decisions. So here are two things you can do to increase your self esteem and self confidence and overcome your fears. First, realize and accept that you can do anything you put your mind to. Repeat the words, I can do it, I can do it whenever you feel afraid for any reason. Second, continually think of yourself as a valuable and important person. And remember that temporary failure is the way you learn how to succeed. And if you keep attempting and failing and learning, you fail forward, and eventually you succeed greatly.
