4 People You Must Know

Hey, everybody. Welcome to Freedom Fast Lane. This is Ryan, Dany Moran. Thanks for checking out the show. I am flying high on business knowledge right now. We just concluded our most recent Tribe Mastermind meeting. The Tribe Mastermind is a small group of people who have businesses that are at least $50,000 a month or more in gross revenue. We all get together in a room and we work on each other's businesses. So I am flying high on ideas and flying high on actions that we're going to take to grow our businesses to the next level. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. We're going to be talking about who you need to surround yourself with in order to position yourself for success. We hear a lot about the type of people that we surround ourselves with. And I have said publicly on many occasions that one of the ways to biologically hack your success is to be very intentional and mindful about the company that you keep, about who you allow to influence your thoughts, about who you need to surround yourself with in order to influence your success. Because as you surround yourselves with certain people, biologically, we are wired to think like the tribe. And when I say tribe, I mean in the primal sense of the people that we are around all the time. We are wired to think like those around us in order to support our social circle. You know, our brains are only made to know about 300 people, so that's, that's how we evolved. To think is to support a community of about 300 people. We weren't made to have 1500 friends on Facebook. We were meant to know about 300 people. So because of that small, that small number, we're very easily influenced by those around us. But biologically, and as a result, it's important to be intentional about who we surround ourselves with. That's why I call the tribe the tribe, because we're a group of people that has the potential to influence one another and raise everybody's standards. And by the way, if you happen to qualify for that tribe Mastermind, if you're at that $50,000 a month level or beyond, you can apply to be a part of that mastermind@www.tribeof25.com. Alright, so I have put together a list of four people or groups of people that you need to be around on a regular basis and who needs to be on board with you to move your goals forward. This is who needs to be your rallying group in order to put you in a position for success. The first one is your life partner. I coach so many people who want to be entrepreneurs, but their life partner is not on board. Whether that is your girlfriend, your spouse, your boyfriend, whoever it is, if your life partner is not on the same vision for what you have for your life, there's a problem. Now, a lot of people will argue that if you don't have the same life vision as your partner, then you should break up. I happen to disagree with this notion. I don't think that life visions are always a determining factor of where of who you should spend your life with, because there are often other things going on under the hood, as we say, that are influencing a partner's support or lack thereof. So if you don't feel support from your partner, that doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't a person that you should be with. For example, if you have been in blue collar America for most of your life and you decide that you want to be an entrepreneur, or if you have lived in the same house for a long time and now you want to become location independent and your partner is not on board with this, it is not a reflection of their character or their ability to support you in life that is making them not supportive of this decision. It's actually in most cases, something deeper under the hood and that comes to people meeting their psychological needs. I have a podcast that is all about the needs and the desires that run all of our lives. And I stole them directly from Tony Robbins and then put my own spin on them. But they are security or certainty, variety or uncertainty, significance and love. Those are our primal egoic needs. And then the needs of the spirit, growth and contribution. If you haven't listened to that podcast, I would highly recommend you go back and you listen to that one. Or. Or else what I'm about to say next may not make a lot of sense. And that's this. We are constantly doing every action that we do in order to meet one of those needs. Everything that we do is some sort of quest to get one of those primary needs met. So if you have a conflict with someone else, specifically a life partner, if you want to go in a direction, you do not feel supported by the person that you think is supposed to be in your corner, it is because each of you is trying to meet a different need that feels lacking. Anytime we want to make a change in our lives, it's because one of our primal needs is not being met. So in order to have your partner be on board with a decision that you want to make, or a direction you want to go, or a business you want to start or a risk that you want to take, then that person's needs need to be met in order to offset whatever they are giving up in order for you to make a change. For example, if you want to become an entrepreneur, or if you want to change something in your business, or you want to take a risk in your business, but your partner does not have the same vision as you, and therefore it looks as though they don't support you in that decision. Do they really not want you to be happy? Do they really just not support your dreams? Do they really just want to be a cruel person? If the answer is yes, then indeed you are with the wrong person. But usually the answer is no. Usually the lack of support is because that person fears the loss of one of their primary needs. If you're going to take a risk in business or you're going to become an entrepreneur, what of those primary needs might that violate in your partner Security? Right? Or it might even be something like significance or love and connection because they fear that you will spend so much time on this other project that you'll no longer have time to make them feel significant in your life. Maybe the business will become the other woman. Maybe you will spend so much time on your business that there will be no more love and connection between you and your partner. Now, I'm not saying that's the case, but that may be the conversation that is unconsciously being had in your partner's brain if there is a conflict of values. So I bring all this up and I'm belaboring this point because I know so many people who would like to be entrepreneurs or who would like to change something about their life, but their primary partner, their life partner, is not on board with them. And it's really, really hard to go through life not having the support of a partner. I can't imagine something more frustrating than not having the support of a partner. I'm very blessed and very thankful to be with somebody who I feel more supported by than anyone outside of maybe my parents. Somebody who just completely supports everything that I do. And if there's ever a time in which I don't feel supported or I know that something's wrong. And it's not that she's just PMSing or in a bad mood, it's usually because I have neglected to meet one of her needs. Something about what I'm saying is either rationally or irrationally sending off a signal in her brain that says my primary need here is being potentially violated. And that's what Happens in your situation when you find yourself with a life partner that doesn't support wherever you want to go. So how do we address this problem? How do we fix this problem? It's very simple. I won't say it's easy, but it's very simple. And it is to ensure that your partner's primary needs are being met before you ask for anything else. Now, this should just be a requirement in all partnerships, romantic partnerships, life partnerships, but yet it is so often overlooked. We are so often thinking about meeting our own needs that we forget that we meet our own needs best by filling up our partner. And if our partner is completely filled up by us, then it's very easy for them to fill us up as well. So when you have a conflict with your partner about a direction you want to go in your life, pause and spend the next few weeks completely filling up your partner, completely fill up their need for security. What does that look like? Mentioning that you're not going anywhere, Mentioning that you have their back no matter what, Reminding them about how safe you are together, Reinforcing those areas of certainty and security. Then there's variety. How do we fill that up? We do that through spontaneity. We do that through doing things that we've never done before. Learning new things, trying new things together, having fun with one another. What about significance? What does that look like? Well, significance is our desire to feel important, to feel like we matter. And there's healthy ways and unhealthy ways to do that. Do you think that you can get significance through cutting someone else down? Yes, absolutely. That's the fastest and easiest way to do that. You feel important by cutting someone else down. So when someone lashes out at you or you get in a fight and it gets nasty. Why is that? It's a battle for significance. When someone gets nasty in a fight, it is because of their need to get immediate significance. But you can give them significance in other ways through something as simple as praise. Telling them how much they mean to you, how much they have impacted your life, by doing things that matter together. And then there's love and connection. How do you fill them up? You do that if you're a man. By being present with your partner, by growing together, by doing things that build your bond and your connection, and through regular reminders to your partner about that love and connection. When you are fully immersed in that process of filling up the primary needs of your partner and that person feels completely fulfilled in all of those areas, do you think that they'll have an easier Time with you taking a risk or you changing something. As long as those primal needs continue to stay filled, they usually will have no problem supporting you where you want to go next. Now, if they're completely filled up and they still don't support what you want to do, then you either have an unsupportive partner, which is something that you'll want to address within yourself, or you may be being unreasonable in what your request is. But if it is something that you think will better both of your lives, that is usually not the case. So the first person that you need to have on board in order to support you on wherever you want to go in life is your life partner. But so many people think that they're just with a bad partner when really they have not filled up the other person, and therefore they feel empty too, because there's no one there to fill them up. And as a result, we get caught in these traps of filling up our own primal needs tanks, which becomes a selfish. A selfish quest to fulfill our own needs rather than filling up each other. So you drift further and further apart in an attempt to meet your own needs. It's much easier to rally a life partner around your dreams and your goals if you have a fully filled up, satisfied partner that you've invested in that knows that they are not going to lose their primal needs. If you make a change that needs to be addressed. When you're bringing up some sort of proposal or new direction to your partner, how can you continue to meet their needs? I just had an experience with, with my girlfriend where I was thinking about starting a new project, and I saw her whole physiology change because she actually said out loud, you're just, you're never going to be home. You're not going to have time for me. You're always going to be working on this project. And I knew there was a problem. I needed to go back and reinforce her primal needs and reassure her that that was not going to go away if I started a new project. And really, as entrepreneurs, sometimes when we have new projects, we just need to keep them quiet. Because if you're not an entrepreneur, it's so easy to think that a project is gonna consume our life. And that is not always the case. Moving on. The second person that you need to have in your life is a mentor, A person who is at least 10 years ahead of where you are and represents where you want to be. Somebody who has already gone down the road that you want to go down and can look back and say, avoid pitfall and hey, this is what life looks like 10 years from now. So make this decision and this decision very carefully. Now, a lot of people know that having a mentor is important, but I often hear the question of how do you find a mentor? How do you actually find someone who has been there 10 years down the road and can come back and give you advice? Well, you know, here at Freedom Fast Lane, that I believe in being compensated according to your value, to the value that you create. Create in the marketplace. But that doesn't just go with your customers. That can go with your mentors as well. What is the fastest way to get in front of a mentor or someone you respect? Provide value for them. That is how you get the attention of somebody that you want in your life. Provide value to them. Now, with a customer, that's providing an awesome product or service or customer experience, right? With a mentor, it's something different. I was just recently approached by someone who said, I will work dirt cheap as an intern for you if you will simply let me contribute value and soak up as much knowledge as I possibly can. And that person was local to where I am here in Austin, Texas. And hey, I'll take all the good people that I can on the projects that I'm working on. So I interviewed this person and they seemed to be a good fit and we brought them on. And that person is learning a ton. While I am getting affordable help and being able to train somebody that I may hire full time later on down the road. It's been a fantastic little partnership. Now, this happens often. One of my friends, Tai Lopez, talks about how he would offer to work for free to people that are now his mentors and he would bother them until they would let him work for them for free. I actually did this when I was in high school. I beat down the door of a real estate investment company and said, I will work for minimum wage if you just let me be there and contribute value and I'll soak up as much as I can in the process. And I did not. I wrote them letters, I sent them, I called them, I went and visited them until they finally hired me. And I was so hungry to learn that they finally did hire me and said that I was one of the best hires they ever made, even at minimum wage. And they're still friends of mine. That process of contributing value carries over to not just the business world, but also in your personal relationships, including finding a mentor. I also have a process that I outlined in the 10 day challenge over@freedomfastlane.com It's a free 10 day challenge that anybody can take. If you take one step every day for 10 days, your life will start to change and you'll be on the freedom fast lane. And one of those steps is building your success network. Your success network being the people that are around you that are supporting you on your path to success. These are peers and mentors mainly. And what I suggest you do is write handwritten letters to the people you want in your success network and then begin to nurture those relationships. I outline this in more detail in both the podcast about success networks and also on the blog inside of the 10 day challenge over@freedomfastlane.com but one of the ways that you can, you can get a mentor is by building your success network and identifying which of the members of your success network you have contributed the most value to or could contribute the most value to. And begin that process until there is more of a mentorship that develops. The worst way to get a mentor is when people say, hey, I really like what you're doing. I wonder if you could mentor me in this process, which you know is an irresistible offer. Hey, you don't know me. You're successful. Can I bother you to death until I get what I want? That is how most people approach mentorships, and that's why most people don't have mentors. So just like deep friendships or life partnerships, mentorships are things that take time to develop and because of that, they should stay the same for a long time. They are relationships that should stay in place for several years. That's a true mentorship, which is different than the next person that you need to be in your support group, which is your work partner. Now, when I say work partner, I don't necessarily mean somebody who has equity in your business. When I say this, I mean like a running partner. It's a workout buddy. It's somebody that you see on a regular basis where you are on a journey together. So you are moving in a specific direction and you're both having your own experience. But. But you're sharing notes along the way. This is, you know, I have two workout buddies that I love to see every morning and we work out together. We're each working on different goals, but we're sharing our struggles and our breakthroughs together and we're keeping each other accountable every morning. The same goes for your work partner. This doesn't need to be somebody who is in your company, but somebody that you share notes with, someone you brainstorm with, and someone you even work with in person sometimes. I know people who call this an accountability partner. That would be kind of a light version of what I'd call a work partner. Now, I think it's also helpful to have this person in place as your designated brainstorming buddy. It's so easy to brainstorm with everyone you meet, or do it through email, or bounce ideas off everyone you meet at any conference you go to. But I find it really helpful to find one brainstorming buddy in your work partner because they know how you work, because they know what business you're in, they know what ideas may or may not serve you, and they may be having similar experiences to your own. So your work partner is somebody that you're on a path with, you are moving towards something together, but you're each having your own experience. And then you come together to share notes once in a while. This should be somebody that is in your same industry, somebody who is building a similar business to yours in some capacity and has about the same amount of experience as you. You have been in it for about the same amount of time, or your businesses are at a similar level so that you can share equal experiences together. But this is a partner that it's okay to change every few years or even every year, because eventually your lives will go in different directions, your businesses will go in different directions, and it's okay to change your primary work partner once in a while. So let's recap so far before we go into the fourth person that you need to have in your life. Your life partner needs to be on board with your vision, where you are going, especially if you are a male entrepreneur or have a masculine energy, which we've talked about in our podcast with Jordan Gray. Fascinating interview if you haven't heard that one about masculine and feminine energies. If you have a masculine energy, we absolutely need to be nurtured and to be supported. And it's very hard to do that if you don't have a life partner who's on board with you. And the way that you change your partner's ability to support you is by meeting their primal needs, because it's a lot easier to support a partner when your primal needs are filled up. The second is a mentor, somebody who is 10 years at least ahead of you in the process, and somebody who, who you have a relationship with for several years, or somebody you feel comfortable having a mentorship with for several years. And you get that mentor by providing value to people in your success network or people who model the type of life that you want to have. The third person you need to have in your life is your work partner, Someone you see on a regular basis that's at your level, that's in the same industry as you. So you are going on this journey together and you're sharing pitfalls along the way. The fourth person that you need to have in your life is actually a group of people. And I have called this group think. And when I say groupthink, I mean you are part of a community that is heading into the direction that you want. Now, if you are familiar with CrossFit, CrossFit is a type of workout and that has just gone absolutely crazy. It's one of the biggest workout phenomenons ever. And part of the reason why it has been so successful is because it took the model of personal training to a group and it has created this idea of group think. And it meets pretty much all of these criteria. You have a mentor in CrossFit. It's your CrossFit instructor. You have a work partner, a running partner, because a lot of CrossFit junkies, if you will, will partner up and they will be accountability partners in their quest for fitness. And then there's also groupthink, because the workouts are groups of 15 to 20 people. So you have this, this group mind furthering you towards your goals, pushing you in your workouts. Now, this is true in any environment. This is why masterminds are so effective. And when I say masterminds, I mean getting with a group of business people that are at a higher level than you or at the same level as you. Getting together a few times a year to sit down and work on each other's businesses is why I have the tribe mastermind of people who are at a high level. You can apply for that. By the way, at tribe of25.com we get together a few times a year, work on each other's businesses, and stay way, way ahead of the curve. That is the power of groupthink in business, because you have other people at a very high level who can come down and say, I made this one little tweak in my business and it added six figures to our bottom line. That happens all the time in masterminds. People make or save millions of dollars as a result of masterminds. Because when you're at a certain level, one little tweak will add an enormous amount or save an enormous amount on your bottom line. This is also why it's absolutely vital for you to go to conferences on whatever topic you are passionate about or moving towards. Whether it is fitness, whether it is money and investing or business, whatever your primary goal is, it's absolutely essential for you to be around.

Groups of people, large groups of people who are sharing knowledge and are on the same journey as you. And on a lighter sense, you can do this in meetups and community events. For example, here in Austin, we have a group of Internet marketers that get together every month. There's about a hundred of us that get together. There's a speaker, we all network together. Business happens there and it's once a month and it's fantastic. And that's a little meetup. That's a really easy way to get in groupthink on whatever goal it is that you're moving towards. So let's recap these again. You have your life partner, you have your mentor, your work partner, and then there's groupthink. The group, the community that you're a part of that is moving towards whatever goal you have in your sites. Now, most people will do really, really well naturally getting one of these. It's usually a work partner because that's easy to do, especially if you're a man. It's easy to buddy up with somebody who's on the same path as you. But the rest we tend to neglect. There's usually one that we're really good at and the rest are a little bit harder for us to exercise. But in order to have a really healthy support circle for whatever goal it is that we're moving towards, we need to have all the four of these. So ask yourself for a second, which of these are you lacking in? Is your partner on board with the direction that you're going? If not, it's time to fill up their needs. Do you have a mentor who's staying far ahead of you and blazing a trail for you? What about a work partner? Do you have somebody that you can brainstorm with, somebody that you can run with that is running alongside you? And is there group think in your life? Do you have a way that at least every quarter you are meeting with people that can invest into you and vice versa? If not, then we don't have a fully supportive social net to bring us in the direction that we want to go? It's time to put our emphasis there. A great way to start is to head over to freedomfastlane.com to start your 10 day challenge and to start building your success network. That will be a great place for you to invest some energy and start building a very supportive social net. You can also apply for our Mastermind which is tribe of25.com but really, as long as you are meeting any all of these social needs, all of these areas for support, it doesn't matter where you're getting it from, whether it's me or someone else or even people locally. If you have these four areas of support shored up and healthy in your life, it's very hard for you to get off track and it's very hard for you not to meet your goals. I hope this was helpful for you in your quest for success. Thanks for listening to Freedom Fastlane and I'll see you on the next episode.