How to Be Happy Now

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Welcome to Freedom Fast Lane. This is Ryan Daniel Moran and it's the first podcast in a while. So please forgive me for my long absence. It has just been crazy around here at the FFL Studios. Just recently we reopened the Tribe and we had a whole bunch of new people and we're still kind of cleaning up everything that has been going on with the launch of the Tribe and just a bunch of really awesome creative minds entering group. So please forgive me for my long absence, but I promise you that I'm gonna make it up to you with today's show. Because today's show is about something actually, let me put it this way, I'm preaching to the choir today. It's something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about and a lot of time really outlining in both myself and other people's lives and often will come to me for help on this topic. And the topic is happiness and what really makes up our happiness and what really makes up our well being. And I have become somewhat of an expert on this topic only because I struggled with it for so long. Happiness, to me has been something that has been very elusive for a long time and, and really going deep and learning what the makeup of our happiness is has set me free to experience abundant happiness, which is something that a few years ago I could have never said. And when we talk about these things, we are talking about the fabric of our lives. We talk a lot about business and money and investing here on Freedom Fast Lane. But really, what is the driving factor behind why we want happiness or wealth or passive income in the first place? It's because we all want at some level to feel better. We want to experience happiness. And there are different ways that we express that we want to experience happiness. And one of the ways is through getting more, creating more, experiencing more. And I think that that is a very healthy thing in our pursuit of happiness. You know, it's interesting, the movie Happy, which is a Netflix documentary that I would recommend everyone watch. It actually brings up the fact that, you know, we live in a country, if you're us based, that prides this idea of pursuit of happiness. Yet we very rarely talk about happiness itself and what makes up happiness.

Just to level with you for a minute, I currently, as I record this podcast personally in my personal life, going through probably the hardest time in my personal life that I've ever experienced. And I have had, we've all had plenty of disappointments. We have all had plenty of things not go our way. But in 2014, there have been some things in my personal life that I am not ready to talk about publicly that have really just knocked me on my ass. And I am currently wading through the waters of some very, very difficult times. And with the exception of some brief moments, I have been able to maintain my happiness throughout this very difficult time, which, with the exception of very difficult moments, there are moments in which it seems impossible to keep positive through a difficult time. And this is not about positive thinking. What I really want to talk to you about is the fabric of our happiness. So let's just dive right in. As I have gotten older and WISER in my 27 years, I become increasingly convinced of the idea that you are actually in control of your happiness through what you allow yourself to feel. And I become increasingly convinced that happiness is not the result of our external circumstances. Yet we believe that that's the case. Right. It's really easy to buy into the idea that happiness is, is what is going on in our personal life. That I will be happy when something happens or I will be happy if certain parameters exist for me to be happy. Yet everywhere that I look, and this is my experience, but everywhere that I look, I see people who seem to have it all and yet are not happy. And I've experienced this, seemingly had it all and been very, very unhappy. And at the same time I have met and interacted with people who seem to have nothing at all and yet are incredibly happy. So if that's the case, if it's, if that's the case that there are people who are, who have nothing, who have nothing going for them. I know. I have a friend who just lost his 18 year old son tragically unexpectedly, an absolutely horrid, the worst situation you could possibly find yourself in. And yet he has maintained his happiness with moments of grief and moments of pure suffering while speaking with him. He still maintains his happiness. And yet I also know someone who is beautiful, wealthy and loved by many members of the opposite sex is absolutely miserable. What is the difference? What is the difference? What, what then makes up our happiness? Well, what we conclude, conclude by this idea is that it is not the sum of our experiences. It is not our external circumstances that contribute to our happiness. You may have heard me say in the past that security is an illusion. There's no such thing as security. That you can't pull security out of your pocket. It's an idea. Well, happiness is the same way. You cannot reach into your pocket and pull out happiness, just like you can't reach into your pocket and pull out security you can't reach into your pocket and pull out success.

Happiness is just a feeling, and it's a feeling that we all want to experience.

Usually we don't actually want things. We want the feelings that we get associated with them. And happiness is one of those things. I don't want a Tesla Model D, even though I do. I want the feelings that are going to be associated with. With having that Tesla D. And I will have a Tesla Model D. Now, will that contribute to someone's happiness? We all have experienced that feeling of temporary happiness where something gives us something for a while and we feel it for a while and then it fades. Those are feelings that aren't based in material.

Things. Right? So if I get the Tesla Model D, I may feel happiness, but after a while, does the Tesla D continue to make me happy? Probably not. So happiness is not in things either. It's just a feeling. Well, then what are our feelings? Well, our feelings are simply the result of what we consistently focus on and the meaning that we give things. The meaning that we give things ultimately decides how we feel about something. And that often comes by what we consistently focus on. I mentioned earlier, sorry to sound like a sob story, but I'm going through the hardest challenges in my personal life that I have gone through. My business life is great. It's the best it's ever been. My personal life is. It's either great or it's miserable. Depending on what you focus on. Depending on what I focus on. What's interesting is that during the times in which I am upset about my current situation or unhappy with things in my life.

The result, the reason for those, is because I am consistently focusing on some aspect or some meaning that I am associating with the situation that I'm unhappy with. While at the same time, days like today where I feel very good, very empowered, very strong, very happy, not in spite of the situation, but because of the situation. It is simply a change what I am focusing on and the meaning that I am associating with the exact same situation.

That is the only difference. Nothing has changed about the situation except the meaning that I associate with it and the things that I am focusing on. I have a family member who we will. We will regularly have debates about whether the world is getting better or whether the world is getting worse. I'll let you decide who falls on which side of it. Spoiler alert. I'm the positive one in the group. And when we have these debates, we each come with our list of examples, and it's Ryan. Look at isis. Ryan, look at the horrific tragedies that happen around the world. Ryan, look at all of the disease that is going on in the world. And then I come back with, look at all of the technological advances. Look at the fact that we're living longer lives than ever before in history. Look at the fact that we're curing more diseases than we ever have. Look at the fact that there's more economic opportunity than it has ever existed. And then they come back with, look at the oppression of governments. Look at the natural disasters, look at global warming. And then I come back with, look at the creative power we have to solve these problems. So who is right? Who is right? Is the world getting better or is the world getting worse? And the answer is whatever you focus on. Because we could go on forever about all the good things and the bad things, and someone else could come to this same conversation and say, you say that's a good thing. I. I say it's a bad thing because of the meaning that I give something. And that is the difference between someone who is positive and someone who is negative. The meaning that you associate to something combined with what you are consistently focusing on, that is the only difference. So there is no such thing as happiness. There is no such thing as success or security. They are feelings. They are intangible feelings. And what determines what we feel is what we focus on in the meaning that we give them, which we are in total control of. We can consciously. We can consciously choose to focus on certain aspects of a situation. We can consistently give different meaning to something. And this is not some out there positive thinking. This is simply being in control, taking control of the thoughts that you allow yourself to have and being conscious about what you want to experience.

I've gone through many, many difficult times, and I don't positive think my way out of them. I spend, I cry more than the average man. All right. And I intentionally allow myself to feel those feelings because I don't intend for this to sound like it's a good idea to bottle things up and not experience negative feelings. Quite the contrary. Instead, I believe that even in the midst of difficult times, we can choose the meaning and our focus during a situation. If you've heard the podcast that I have with Travis Sago, my mentor, it's called Happy first, wealthy second. He makes the argument that we are pursuing these things, certain things outside of ourselves, like relationships or money or whatever it is in order to feel happy. But by doing so, we actually push happiness away because we're putting our happiness in these Other things. And if you choose to be happy first, if you are happy and complete first, then all of these other things will be added to you as well. It's kind of the seek ye first and all these things will be added to you as well concept. Well, we had a conversation far before we recorded that podcast. We had this conversation together and it was interesting that we had concluded the same thing without discussing it. And it was this. It was. The feelings that we want to feel, whether they are happiness or they are security or they are excitement, are simply the product of comparisons that we make in our brain. So if you want to shift the feelings that you experience or the meaning that you associate to something, or even what you are focusing on during a situation, which all contribute to the emotions that we ultimately experience, they all come down to one root. And it is the comparisons that we are making, usually unconsciously, on a regular basis. What is success, Whatever you're comparing it to, what is happiness, Whatever you're comparing it to, what is security, Whatever you're comparing it to, you are constantly and unconsciously, in most cases, making comparisons that allow you to experience the emotions that you do ultimately experience. So whatever you are comparing yourself to or comparing an experience to, that will determine the meaning that you associate. This is the part of happiness that you can hack. Because if you consciously take charge of your comparisons, you will completely change the emotions and thus the life that you experience. I want you to imagine for a second that you don't have eyelids.

Just let that sink in for a second. Imagine that you don't have eyelids. You cannot blink. And all of a sudden your life has constant dry eye. When you walk outside, the wind blows and you can't blink because you've got dust and dirt and wind going in your eye all the time. Something falls into your eye, well, it just stays there. You know, there's some guy out there that doesn't have eyelids. There are people out there that don't have eyelids. Now, we never think of this, we never think to compare ourselves to the guy with no eyelids. Because this isn't something that any of us, most of the people listening to Freedom Fast Lane have experienced. If you don't have eyelids, you probably spend most of your life trying to work out solutions to the problems you have with your eyes. So you're not listening to Freedom Fastlane. So my guess is none of you have ever experienced the problem which you don't have eyelids. But if you don't have eyelids, and then one day a new surgical procedure comes out that Allows you to blink and have moisture in your eyes and clean your eyes. What in the world could get you down from that point?

The comparison that that person makes is completely different than the comparisons that you and I make on a regular basis. So just think about this. What if you consistently compared yourself to the guy who had no eyelids? Or let's just make it simpler. What would happen to your life if you consistently compared yourself to where you were one year ago? Not this. Not compare yourself to where you want to be. Not compare yourself to the. The ideal. Not compare yourself to people on Facebook. Not compare yourself to people in the media. But what if you only compared yourself to where you were one year ago? Physically, financially, romantically?

Isn't that a fair comparison? Doesn't that allow us to grow consistently and thus feel good about our accomplishments on a regular basis?

What if you consistently compared yourself to children in Africa who, by the way, are insanely friggin happy. My best friend did an extended missions trip in Africa and he said the craziest thing is that they have absolutely nothing and yet they are blissfully and insanely happy. What is the reason why they are so happy? Well, think about what their comparisons are. Their comparisons are people with malaria and then everyone else. And if you don't wake up with a crippling disease, having lost your entire family, you're having a really good day. I have another friend who did an extended missions trip in Haiti and was there doing recovery work. And he said that the people there are so much happier than they are in the US Even though they're losing family members on a regular basis. He told me the story about one person that came in to their office one day, the day after losing his brother, and was sad about his brother, but was still happy about his life. How can someone lose so much and yet still maintain their happiness? It is simply what you focus on, the meaning you ascribe to something. And both of those are made up of the comparisons in our brain. That is all the brain knows how to do. That is the only way that the brain knows how to assess a situation is through a comparison.

Let me ask you this. What if you consistently compared yourself to Mark Cuban? Now, I bring up this example because Mark Cuban is living my ideal lifestyle. He was a billionaire in his 20s. He has run a reality TV show. It was called the Benefactor. He owns a major league sports team. If you know anything about me, if you know me personally, you know that those are basically my three dreams. To be very financially successful, to be on a reality show. And to own the Cleveland Indians. So Mark Cuban is living my ideal lifestyle.

Now. If I consistently compare myself to Mark Cuban, I will feel very bad about myself very quickly. When I was extremely depressed in my early 20s, it was because I was consistently comparing myself to people that I wanted to be like, and I didn't do it in an empowering way. I compared myself in a disempowering way, which means I saw where people were now compared it to where I was now, or at least my projection of where they were now compared to where I am now. And I then felt bad about myself. I wonder who Mark Cuban compares himself to. Actually, Mark Cuban's been on two reality shows now, since he's also on Shark Tank. That jerk outdoing me on so many levels. If I consistently compare myself to him, I'm gonna feel bad about myself. Why do we love to hate messed up celebrities? Why do we spend so much effort analyzing the personal lives of wealthy celebrities who. Who are really screwed up? Why do we get so much joy out of this? It's because for a short second, we can compare ourselves to somebody who has more than us. And we can feel good about ourselves because we have now judged that person as making a major mistake. And we feel better about ourselves. That is why we are so.

It's so hard for me not to curse on this podcast, but that is why. That is why we are so darn obsessed with celebrities who have messed up personal lives. Because for a half a second we get to feel good about ourselves because we compare ourselves to what is projected in the media about that person. Let me flip this one more time, and there's a reason for this. What if you consistently compared yourself to me now I get lots of messages, thank you, cards.

And love from people who say, oh, Ryan, you're so successful, you're so well spoken, you're so handsome. And I'm like, well, you're right on that one. And. And they say you've got all this stuff to be happy about. I have nothing really, because sometimes I feel depressed too, because sometimes I feel myself comparing myself to Mark Cuban or Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates.

Or whoever is dating Ariana Grande. And I'm jealous of all those people.

So if I'm comparing myself to an unfair standard, which is really just a projection of something, and meanwhile someone else is comparing themselves to their projection of me, we're all frickin unhappy.

Because we're playing a comparison with something that doesn't exist and that is the projection of everyone else.

We are constantly comparing ourselves to the projection of other people, which isn't real.

It's bogus, because everyone else is playing the exact same game of comparing themselves to somebody else. And we wonder why we're so depressed. Why are more people depressed than ever before, even though we have more awesome stuff going on than ever before? Because we have this thing called Facebook and everyone is putting on a facade about how happy they are, about how much they have and all the cool things that they're doing. And you see a constant stream of it 24 7. And then you turn on the TV and you see people who are makeuped up on the front of magazines who have been photoshopped, being told, this is the standard.

And.

We wonder why we're depressed.

And by the way, our brains are only made to know about 150 people. Our brains are only wired to know that many people. So when you are consistently seeing Kate Upton on the front of whatever beauty magazine you want, you see that consistently enough, and you hear it enough in the media, you hear it enough on TV and radio, your brain starts to think, I know this person. That's the standard. Meanwhile, Kate Upton is being photoshopped and make up makeup up by professionals to be not even a human being. And that is what we're comparing ourselves to. And we wonder why we're depressed, we wonder why we're unhappy. It's because we are playing an unfair game. I take that back. We're playing a game and the rules are unfair because we have not consciously decided to play the game. We're having other people play the game for us. So let me ask you this. What do you have to do to get depressed? For me, I have to think about what I don't have. Or compare myself to an idea that doesn't exist. Compare myself to people that I think must be happy all the time or who have more than me. So I feel bad about myself, but I can stop doing that at any time I consciously decide to compare myself to to something else. And it can be as simple as comparing myself to, not to the same version of me that doesn't have eyelids, or the version of me two years ago who was unhappy and all over the place financially. Or compare myself to the version of me a year and a half ago who was not in a healthy relationship, or the person that I was five years ago where I was out of shape, had no testosterone and no muscle mass. Or compare myself to the version of me 10 years ago that didn't know that Internet marketing existed and I didn't even have a business. Or I can compare myself to the person who is rich and full of stuff but really effing unhappy because I would rather be happy and broke than rich and unhappy.

And I can feel thankful about the fact that I get to control my happiness. Think about a relationship. Have you ever been outside of a relationship and thought, if I could just be in a relationship, then I would be happy? And then you get into a relationship, what do you start doing? You start comparing your relationship to everybody else's relationship or the person that you're in a relationship with with other people that you might be able to be in a relationship with. And we could. We play this game, this constant comparison game looking for happiness, and we wonder why it eludes us. Because we are playing the comparison game rather than the appreciation game. And that is the solution to it all. When we take conscious time to appreciate.

Then we realize that things like depression and fear cannot exist at the same time that appreciation can. Because when you appreciate, you are forcing your brain to find things to be thankful for. And when you think about what you can be thankful for and all that is good in your life, you find plenty of it. I have two legs. I'm not using them right now because I'm sitting, but I've got them.

I have this mic that I'm recording into and thousands of people are going to hear it. I have a cell phone that can beam up into space and find data on the Google machine. I have clean water sitting next to me. You can hear it.

I have a grocery store next door where I can go get healthy organic food. Meanwhile, other people in other countries are looking for water and any and they're sick because of it. How selfish are we.

To constantly focus and constantly compare ourselves.

When we could so easily and so quickly flip the script and be thankful for what we have and compare ourselves to something that would make us feel empowered, something that would make us feel happy immediately.

So when you get upset, when you feel sad, here are two questions to break you out of it right away. Number one, who am I comparing myself to.

And am I playing that game fairly or unfairly? And can I change this.

To feel empowered or to feel differently? Question number two what can I appreciate about my life right now or about this situation right now? And then repeat what else can I appreciate? What else is great? Your total happiness is simply dependent on the comparisons you make in your brain and the meaning you give to situations, which is based on what you consistently focus on. Thanks so much for listening to Freedom Fastlane I appreciate you and I appreciate you listening and making the show a success. I appreciate all of the love and positive reviews and thank you cards that I get. Even though you know I don't take sponsors sponsors or.

Really benefit from having this show personally. I do it because you make me feel a certain way as a result of doing the show. And I tell you all this because this is me taking a moment to appreciate you.

Your happiness is completely in control of you simply being conscious of what you think about, who you compare yourself to and what you focus on. The website is freedomfastlane. Com. I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's show and I'll see you on the next one.