Jesse Elder: How To Think Like A Multi-Millionaire (So You Can Become One!)

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Hey everybody, this is Ryan Daniel Moran. And this is Freedom Fastlane. Today we're going to be joined by a personal friend of mine by the name of Jesse Elder. And Jesse is a guy where every time I talk to him, I fill up several pages of notes in my trusty journal on self development and things in my life that I want to remember that I took from that conversation with Jesse. So I asked him to come onto today's show and share some of his knowledge and some of his inspiration on Freedom Fast Lane. Jesse has become a resource for me when it comes to self mastery and also in developing habits that take me to the place where I want to go. Jesse had his first major successes when he had a line of successful martial arts training schools that he ultimately sold for his big payday. And now he works with some of the most successful people in the world. He now works with people who make six figures a month, some of them make seven figures a month. And he trains them to think at a higher level. Now that seems backwards. How do you get somebody who's already making a million dollars a month or more to think at a higher level? Well, they go to Jesse. And Jesse is a guy where every time you talk to him, you feel like you can take on the world. So he's going to be sharing some of his insights from working with some of the most successful people in the world and, and his overall philosophies about success, happiness and self mastery on today's call. So strap in your seatbelts, this is a good one. Stay tuned for the show with Jesse Elder.

Hey everybody, this is Ryan Daniel Moran and this is Freedom Fastlane. Today I'm joined by a personal friend and mentor, Jesse Elder. What's up, buddy?

Hey, Ryan, what's going on, dude?

Thanks so much for hanging out with us here at Freedom Fast Lane.

My total pleasure.

I want you to repeat the story that you've told me about how, you know, you work with really high end people. That's that, I mean, that's what you do. But I love the story about how you found that so much of your time working with high level people, you were talking about the same things and had happened to do not with strategy or what piece of their business was missing. Although there's an element of that, a lot of it came between what was between their two ears. Could you comment on that a bit?

Yeah, yeah, 100%. So the work that I get to do is primarily with people in the online space, although online and offline successful entrepreneurs that have Just achieved results that most of us dream of and they're looking to take it to the next level. So my role really is as a strategic consultant helping them to mentally pre pave what does the next phase look like? And I love doing that. I did it in another business of mine for a long time and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. One day I got off this call with one of my. I mean I've got, I can't say I have a favorite client, but this is somebody who's been with me for a while. And we got off the call and I was just like on this natural high. It was just a really good session. We covered a lot of stuff. He just had a record month. And so I finished my call and I'm done for the day. It's like 11 o' clock in the morning. I'm finished working for the day and I'm like, what am I going to do now with all this energy? I feel so good. So I grabbed my phone, recorded a quick video and just posted on Facebook. And it was just a very general video. It was called 70 seconds to self Mastery and I just popped it out there. I thought that just felt good to get out there because it's just very simple. My take on what success actually is and how to actually achieve it. What I didn't expect is that the video would get like 200 shares in the next week or so and then I'd start getting friend requests from all over and people asking me more. And it really was kind of a humbling experience because I realized that I've got all of this.

Body of work, so to speak, just my own career and just being an avid fan of personal development and self education and getting the chance to work with so many high level entrepreneurs. But I realized that it wasn't about their conversion, it wasn't about finding their niche and it wasn't about traffic. It wasn't about all the tactical stuff that they were really investing with me as a coach. What they were really investing with me for is mindset and how to think differently about themselves and how to think differently about their customers. And ultimately that's what it came down to. So I did this video. The feedback was fantastic. And I realized that this is not a message that's just for people who already are doing six figures a month or five figures a month, or hell, three figures a month. It's completely removed from the financial aspect. It has everything to do with do you want to live a better life than you are right now, and if so, it's totally possible. And that's when these videos just kind of started happening very organically and just kind of from this inspired place, their labor of love. And they're now affectionately known as the MindVitamin video series.

I'm a little bit confused. I'm sure a lot of people are, because what you said is that you work with people who do six figures a month and more and yet they want to live a better life. To a lot of people, that sounds like they've pretty much made it at that point, if you're doing six figures or beyond per month. So what were you finding among those high level people that wasn't, dare I say, all together or what did they need help with at that point when they're at such a high level?

Yeah, that's an awesome question, Ryan. And that is probably the central question for anybody, regardless of whether they're an established business or whether they're just starting out or whatever. And the bottom line is this. It doesn't matter how much money somebody's making, there's always another level in your life. And we can measure progress in a lot of different areas, right? You can measure your progress in terms of your health. You can measure progress in terms of certainly in terms of money. It's very measurable. You can measure progress in terms of even in your relationships. There's always things in life that we can improve and I think that that never ever ends. So if somebody who is making six figures a month doesn't mean that they've reached an end. It may look like it to those of us that may not be doing that and that may be end goal. But there's a fantastic coach and you and I have had a lot of conversations about him. His name is Dan Sullivan with Strategic coach, which I highly recommend. Everybody listening right now, go and check out Dan's stuff. But Dan talks about something he calls the necessary lie. And it's basically that when we're making more money that things will be better. And it is a lie. It's also a necessary one that we tell ourselves to get to the next level. But ultimately it doesn't matter how much money you make. What matters is are you happy? And the lie that we tell ourselves is that when I make more money, then I'll automatically be happy and you will. There's no doubt there's all sorts of correlation between increased income and increased peace of mind.

Ability to make choices, all of that, of course, but somebody who's making six figures a month or Five figures a month is incredible. It doesn't mean that they don't need outside perspective. It doesn't mean that they don't need a mentor or a coach or just a friend to share their ideas with. And we all need that. We all need mentors in our life. We all need coaches. We all need people that we can share our ideas with. We all need that safe space. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter how much money you make, you always need that.

What have you found among the people who are very highly successful that are looking to get to the next level? What have you found was missing or needed to be tweaked in order to take somebody that's already at a high level and get them to the next level? That is the next stage of happiness, if you will.

Yeah, really well put. And I like the way you put that. The next stage of happiness. So I think in a nutshell, it comes down to a couple of things. We all need people who are going to support us. First and foremost. You need people that are going to champion your cause, people that are going to say, man, you can do it. People that are going to look at you if you're having a rough time, and they're going to say, hey, you're going to make it through this. You're stronger than this. We all need that support. At the same time, though, we all need to be challenged. And there are a lot of people who only support themselves, or they only surround themselves with those who support them and don't necessarily challenge them. That's where you'll find all sorts of people, especially in the marketing world, that have no shortage of advice. They'll be happy to tell you what you should do with your money and your time and all of that. I think you need both. You need to be supported, but you also need to be challenged.

People who are making big money, they still need to be challenged, and they still need to be kind of held accountable in some way for having a larger vision and having a bigger picture of their future. Otherwise, it's just so easy to get complacent. It's so easy when you're making more money than you thought you would make. At some point, it's like, okay, well, what's next? And.

That'S a big part of my work that I love to do with the people that I get to work with is just constantly asking, you know, how much, how high is high, how much, how much bigger can we get? This not because of the money. It's because the money is simply a reflection of how many people you've helped. That's what money is. So the more money you have is simply a direct reflection of how much value you've created, bottom line. So, you know, that's kind of in a nutshell, my point.

And how do you, how do you get people to start to stretch that? Somebody is expected to make a full time income and now they're making mid six figures a month. That was not foreseeable for them. They couldn't even fathom that when they started. How do you get them to stretch that so that they can help even more people?

Sure. Well, that's. And man, you've just. I don't know if you script all these questions or what. Like meat and potatoes.

Yes, that's it. I have a crystal ball that lets me know exactly what you're gonna say. And then I script out what I'm gonna ask you based on what I know you're gonna say in the future. You got me. You know my secret?

I love it. I love it. Well, the cool part is I'm actually from 2035 and this is all being simulated. I'm not actually.

You one upped me again.

No. The question about how to get bigger and what's next, ultimately it has to come down. And this is going to kind of get a little deep. But it's got to come down to an expression of your purpose on this planet. Why are you here? I mean that's. Ultimately, I think that life just comes down to two questions. Number one is why are you here? And you have to find your answer for that. There's nobody else that can give it to you. And anybody else that does try to give you your purpose, run as fast as you can and take your money with you. There's nobody that can tell you what your purpose on this planet is. So I think number one is figure out why you're here. Number two, figure out how to live your life in a way that the world rewards you for it. And because I think that purpose can never be exhausted. You never reach the end of purpose. It's the exact opposite of an onion. An onion. You keep peeling away layers until you end up at the middle and then there's nothing left. I think purpose is 180 degrees from that. I think purpose is a continually outward focused expression of our beingness. It's our essence. It's what we're on this planet to do. It's why we have this intelligence, this, you want to call it soul Spirit, prana, spark, whatever language you want to use. Something animates these physical bodies for a very finite period of time. And I believe it's for a reason. And it's certainly not my job to tell anybody what the reason is. But if you can figure it out, find out what it is for you, and then live in a way that the world rewards you for being that, you're never going to tire of it. You're always going to want more. But that does become the challenge. And regardless of how much money somebody makes, the challenge is, how can I live more in alignment with my purpose? And your purpose may evolve. It's probably going to change over time. So somebody who. I've got a fantastic client. He just had a record month last month. Last month is a record for him. And you know what his passion is, is his family and families in general. So what this guy did with a significant part of the money that he's earned over the years, and he's made millions online. But what he's done is he actually built a school in Jamaica, and he and his family go on vacation down there. And they don't vacation and hang out just on the beach. They go to the school that he built in Jamaica. And, you know, when you hang out with him and you talk with him, I mean, he feels like he has so much more to do. And I think you'll find that as a common thread with everybody who's really doing big numbers, is that it's not about the money. After a certain point, it really is about what the money allows them to do. And for most of us starting out, we really focus on lifestyle. Right. We want to have freedom. We want to have the house or the cars or the travel or the clothes or whatever. And that's cool. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. You should have. If you're the actor in your life and you're the director and the producer and the screenwriter, you might as well have badass props, too. So you might as well have nice things. But ultimately it comes down to larger choices than that. And.

That'S my take on that.

You said something interesting, which was, find out how to get rewarded for living your life.

Yeah.

Or living your truth.

Yes.

A lot of people get stuck just at that one point, which is why they never go after anything extraordinary, is they say, I don't know how to make the world reward me for doing what I really love. How do you address that? And how do you get people to pull what's really driving them? How do you pull that out so that they at least can hold it in their hand and say, this is what I'm about now. I'm going to get the world to reward me for that.

Good. Good. Well, I think it starts really early in life. Most people who have a traditional education are taught from before they're old enough to think critically. Four or five years old, they're taught about, what do you want to do when you grow up? What do you want to do? Or what do you want to be?

And there's a fundamental flaw in that question because it starts with the wrong word. It starts with what? As if your whole life can be encapsulated in some freaking job or career. And the question should be, who? Who do you want to be? And forget about when you grow up. That's postponement logic. That never makes anybody happy. It's, who are you? Who are you? Who are you? And you know what? If you just. Or anybody listening to this, if you're listening to this right now, as soon as this interview is over, go find a mirror, stand in front of the mirror, set your timer for two minutes, turn your phone in airplane mode, and just look in the mirror. Look at your eyes for two minutes, and just ask, who are you? Who are you? And ask that reflection in the mirror, and you will be astounded at the depth of information that you get back if you just stick with it for two minutes. There's not a single human being on this planet that doesn't have an innate sense of their purpose and who they are beyond their title, beyond their last name, or beyond their ethnicity, or beyond any of the challenges that they may have been through. Listen, all of that happens, and we all have a story. But the truth is you're larger than that. You're larger than any of your experiences. So to get people thinking bigger, it really just comes down to asking the right question and asking, who are you of that? Reflection in the mirror can be an incredibly powerful way of getting some very interesting information back.

You said something to me once that I've quoted and probably misquoted about a hundred times because it had a big impact on me. And that was when you described life as though it was coming to you and as though everything that came to you was the result of a seed that you planted a long time ago. I want to tell you the reason that that had an impact on me. And that was because at that point in my life, I had been a driver. I had been driving everything towards what I wanted. I had been working really hard in order to put my head down and produce the result that I wanted. Completely ignoring the seeds that I was planting along the way and realizing that the things that were coming along were the result of seeds I had planted. It was like I was trying to harvest dry ground. And I would like for you to tell that story as only Jesse Elder can and hopefully have the same impact on someone else that it did on me.

Well, cool. I really appreciate that, and I'm really glad that it had the impact that it did. There's a.

This comes from a few experiences that I had as a martial artist. I was fighting full contact fights back when UFC first kind of came out and Ultimate Fighting Championship was real big, and I had a few experiences in the ring, and it really caused me to rethink my whole idea about planning and taking action. I used to go into the ring and I used to go into a fight with a game plan like, I'm going to do this, he's going to do this, I'm going to do this, he's going to do this. As if I'm acting on the situation. And what I started to experience is I became more. I got a few wins under my belt, and I realized that the fight was coming to me and all I had to do was handle it as it came to me and handle it appropriately. And it really changed the way that I thought about goals. It changed the way that I thought about success. Instead of seeing the goal as something in the distance that I had to get to in order to then be happy or then experience victory, I realized that when I get there, when I cross the finish line, so to speak, I'm still going to be me. And instead of chasing things, I started seeing everything as coming to me. I'd be in the middle of a full contact match with a guy that's 40, 50 pounds bigger, and he's trying to bash your brains in. But I had a sense of what was coming. I knew that he was going to eventually make a mistake. He was going to leave his hand where he shouldn't, and I was going to be able to apply a triangle choke, and I was going to be able to submit him. So I waited for those things, and when it happened, I simply took advantage of it. And that really became a metaphor for life. And I stopped looking at things like, I got to get somewhere else so that I can then be happy or present or whatever else. And then I realized that you can actually make things come to you, you can make things happen, not so that you can get someplace else, but so that you can enjoy the unfolding of. Of things as they're happening. And there's a quote that I use with my clients that is a little bit challenging to wrap your brain around at first, but everybody in the end always says that, yeah, this is actually how it works. Now, the quote is this, that action is not how you make things happen. Action is how you enjoy what's already happening.

Expound, please.

Absolutely. We live in a culture that prizes action and prizes busyness, when the reality is all of the actions that you take are a result of an emotion and a result of a thought. So what ends up happening is we have some kind of thought, some kind of emotion, some kind of inspiration that jumps us out of bed or off the couch and we start taking action. But then that action is a cause set in motion, which creates other reactions which then we respond to. And it just becomes this really chaotic kind of experience where people end up bouncing around without much volition, without much free will, without much choice, and they very quickly get into reactive mode.

The truth is, though, the whole sequence of events started with an idea. It started with a desire. It started with, quite frankly, a level of frustration about where they were and they'd had enough and they weren't going to take it anymore. So they started taking action. But the truth is that action is a constant. Even breathing is an action to open your eyes or close your eyes is an action to write down your desires. Or not even not writing it down is still an action. So actions are happening all of the time. My question is, what's informing those actions? What is the intention behind those actions? When was the last time that most of us took action? 5 or 10 or 15 minutes to really think about what do we want to experience today? Take a second to just get quiet and just take a few deep breaths and just ask yourself, what is it that I want to experience.

Today? And it's a little bit like tampering with the source code of your perception. In other words, you start the day asking yourself the question, what do I want to see today?

That question alone is going to have you looking for different things. I mean, the reality is that there's no one reality. There's seven plus billion people on this planet that all have their own experience of life, and there's no two people that share the exact same experience. We can all agree on common things. But to say that if you just take this action and you'll then get this result is failing to pay attention to the largest part of this, which is somebody's thoughts, somebody's emotions, their principles, their values, their past experience, their level of expectation about what's going to happen in the future. Nobody can do that except the individual. And so when I say that action is not how you make things happen, action is how you enjoy what's already happening. My take is that what's happening as a result of what have you been thinking, what have you been feeling, what are you looking for? Because that's going to completely determine the opportunities that you see, the problems that come up, how you handle those problems. It really is done backstage.

When you said that life is a process of harvesting the seeds that have been planted from a long time ago, it helped me realize not only that that action is constant, but in doing that action, that investment is also constant because everything that we do is some sort of an investment in the future of what, of what the next version of me, with me in six months is going to experience, is going to harvest from the actions I'm doing now. So everything I put into my body, everything that I spend my time on, every person that I develop a relationship is going to blossom in some way in six months. Either I will be healthier or I will be the opposite. Either that person will be closer to me or they'll not be as close to me. And in those actions, I'm planting that six month seed that now through the rest of the time I'm going to be watering and I will experience differently in some way six or twelve months from now. That's what I really picked up from that conversation.

And you just rephrased it beautifully. And I think, and I want to acknowledge something that is really.

Part of what I experienced in conversation with you and all the talks that we've had and just in our relationship and our friendship. I think you have three qualities that are absolutely essential to anybody who wants to advance their life in the direction that they choose. First quality is authenticity. The second quality is power. And the third quality is clarity. So those three qualities and hearing you just summarize the whole seed philosophy, I think that you demonstrate a really high level of authenticity because you're very clear and you're very transparent about it. You have a level of power because it's something you actually adopted into your life. And again, clarity, you have a sense of where this is all taking you. And so, I mean, it's no surprise that you've achieved a level of success in your life, both inner and outer success that I think a lot of people would aspire to. And you're an inspiration in that respect. But it's also. Anybody can hear words and not internalize them. And the way that you just summarized the whole seed philosophy, I think is maybe better than I did when I first shared it with you. Everything that we do is definitely something that's thrown forward into our future for us to then find. And without doing that.

What will happen is every single human being on this planet will be influenced by their environment. And yet we're the only creature that we know of that has the ability to counteract that influence. We're the only creature that has free will, and we have total choice. And I love the way that you talk about planning it now and six months later, if you continue to water it, that it will bear fruit. I mean, there's no question. And you can look at people's lives. I mean, we're having this conversation. And I'm in the. I'm at the W Hotel in Union Square. I walked out this morning to Union Square, to the park, and there's people that are wearing $40,000 Rolexes, holding their cup of coffee, waiting to cross the light right next to someone who's got a cardboard sign and is getting ready to move their location because the police told them that they can't sit there and beg anymore. They need to beg across the park. And we can look at that, and we can feel happy, we can feel sad. But the truth is that people make decisions that over time, absolutely affect the course of their destiny. And the person who's wearing a $40,000 watch and the person who's got a piece of cardboard begging for money, they've made very different choices in their life. And I'm not suggesting that they didn't start in different places. Of course, that's different for everybody. But the one thing that we all have is the ability to choose and to make different choices as we go along. And six months down the road, you can have an entirely different life if you'll simply begin making small adjustments today.

Okay, now, the person who is. I doubt that there's anybody listening that is holding a cardboard sign. And yet there are. By the way, please contact me. I'd love to feature you on the show. That'd be a really interesting call.

I want to help them with their split testing.

Now, there is a difference between the choices that people make that lead them down those two different paths. Now, the people who, I guess, for sake of a story, are holding a cardboard sign aren't where they want to be in life. They'll look at somebody with a $40,000 watch on their wrist, and they'll say, man, it must be nice. I wish it could get there. And a lot of times it comes out as resentment. You know, I resent that person for being at the place they are because I'm not there. The truth is that they could get there, but the feeling can often be so overwhelming of I can't even see how to get on the other side of this mountain. How do you coach someone like that in order to inspire them to start to see that what they want can be in front of them and helping bring out the action steps in order to help them be able to chunk it down into something that they can actually accomplish.

That's a fantastic question and a fairly detailed one.

I'm good at that. You are at the complex questions.

I'll start with a premise that I think a lot of us have had at one time or another, and that is we will see somebody who's in a position that we wouldn't want to be in, and we assume that they don't want to be there either.

Wow.

And this is very common for most Americans and is very common for most people in Western culture to look at someone on the news or even someone in our own backyard that's homeless, to keep on that example. And we will assume that they're unhappy. We'll assume that they don't want to be where they are. We'll assume that they resent people or whatever else. The bottom line is, unless we've actually been homeless, we don't know what that's like. And so every one of us tends to project our own values and our own emotions onto other people, which is not a bad thing. I mean, that's where empathy comes from. But to say that someone doesn't want to be there or to say that.

Well, I'll just keep it at that. I'm not saying that they do, but at the same time, their reality is such that the watch is completely irrelevant to them. Having a car is completely irrelevant to them. If we want to uplift somebody in that position, the best thing that we can do is to give them emotional oxygen. And what I mean by that is seeing them for who they are, seeing them for the human being that they are not seeing them for someone who's got a sign, not seeing them with someone who needs help. And it's a fundamental flaw in most charities and most volunteer work is helping the needy. Because the moment you've already judged somebody in your mind as needy, you've already counted them out, you've already done them a disservice. So if we see people for bigger than they see themselves, if we see people as greater than their circumstance and we allow that enthusiasm and that energy to come out in our interaction with them, that's actually a very powerful form of energy. It's a very powerful form of uplifting somebody to see them as greater than they see themselves, see their situation as temporary, see them for who they can become, not who they have become as a result of their choices or the situation or the environment. Does that make sense?

Yeah, because one implies an end.

Bingo.

Another implies a process.

Bam. Perfect. Perfect, Ryan. Exactly. I love the way you said it. One implies an end, the other implies a process. I'm going to take that because I think that's a really important point. Everything in life is a process. There are no ends in life. Life is a continuum. It's always moving, it's always in flow. And so that being said, if I look at somebody who's reached, quote, unquote, the end of the road, I've just done them the biggest disservice possible because I've already counted them out. So, you know, I would have, you know, parents when I, when I work with martial arts schools and we had a bunch of schools throughout Texas and a couple of schools in Michigan, we'd have parents coming in and say in front of their child to the instructor, I just don't get it. My son has no self esteem. That's why I want him to do martial arts. And I would cringe because I wonder why your son doesn't have any self esteem with you saying that right in front of him. Parents are literally casting the spell that their kids just enact. So how do we coach people? First of all, I think coaching is a very unique experience because somebody has to be coachable in order to be coached. So it doesn't matter how good the coach is, it doesn't matter how good the mentor is. The person has to be committed to learning, has to be committed to becoming a student. That's the first part. You said something else I think is really important. How do we inspire people? Well, here's the truth. The best way to help poor people is don't be one. The best way to help a sick person is for you to be healthy. The best way to help a sad person is for you to be happy. The best way for you to help an angry person is, is for you to be content and forgiving and accepting. When Gandhi said and he's been quoted by every rock star and every politician since be the change that you want to see in the world.

So.

There'S never going to be a way for, quote, unquote, poor people, and we'll just stay in the financial world. People who don't have the money that they want, there's never going to be enough money to give them for them not to be poor. People are poor as a result of their thoughts about money, period. People are poor and broke as a result of how they think about money. End of story. So if somebody wants to have more money in their life and they don't have any, giving them more money is like pouring more water into a bucket that's full of holes. It's never going to fill up. So the first step is plug the holes, then the bucket will start to fill.

Jesse. Oh, sorry. Go on, go on.

Well, the last thing is or next thing is get a bigger freaking bucket. So, I mean, it's not about asking for more and us giving people more. It's about being more ourselves so that we can then be a light for other people to aspire to.

I want to tell you, when I knew that you were right about this, this is before I knew you, but when I knew that this philosophy was right, was when I made more money and I was more stressed about money. It was the most backwards thing to my conscious, logical brain. You know, I. When I had no money, when I was young and broke, I thought about money a lot. I never worried about money, though. And then when I got money, I suddenly was afraid to lose it and afraid that I would stop getting it. And that's when I realized that I had some weird thoughts about money that came from programming, from when I was a kid, from my surroundings, from.

My background. And it took a while to kind of undo that and get to the next level of abundance.

Interesting. That's a great point. Money by itself doesn't do anything. You can take a very secure person who's got money and then just give them more to be secure with or to think about. Take somebody who's a greedy bastard, give them a lot of money, and they'll become more greedy. Money is an amplifier, and it reveals to us a lot about our character, reveals a lot about who we are.

I like to say that money and alcohol have the same result. They just amplify.

They tend to. They tend to make you more of who you are. Absolutely.

Right. Now, you've been talking about two concepts that on the surface seem very different, and you've Been talking a lot about processes and yet you've also been talking a lot about now. You've been talking about how action is the enjoyment. The enjoyment. And that's a very now idea, enjoying today. And you've talked a lot about relieving ourselves of the idea that someday it will be different, which is, you know, a concept of enjoying now. And yet you talk a lot about processes and change. On the surface they seem very different, but my hunch is that you see them being two hands held together. And I would like for you to expound on that.

Good. Good. Well, to put it simply, all you ever have in life is now. All you ever have is right now. You never wake up and it's tomorrow. Every day of your life that you've ever woken up, it was today, you never woke up and it was tomorrow.

We don't have later, we have now. But here's the thing. You put enough nows together and you end up with a timeline. You put enough nows in a row and you end up with process. You put enough nows together and you end up with a human life. So we are blessed with something in our head called a prefrontal cortex or a prefrontal lobe. And we can imagine a future that is different than the present. And we are the only thing that we know of that can do this. That being said, it just makes sense to imagine a future that's better. Not just different, but better. And if we can imagine a future that's better, our actions today will be informed by that. So we can actually improve our now by thinking about a future now, even though the future doesn't really exist. I mean, you never arrive and you go, wow, this is the future. Although actually when I first got my iPhone a couple years ago, I did that. I have the Internet in my hand.

But it is the same thing. All we have is now. But we can affect our future now by our thoughts about the future today.

Now you talk a lot about, about the idea of people putting off happiness or putting off their. Their enjoyment of now into the future. You talk a lot about how the idea that I can't enjoy something until later can actually derail success. I'm curious how you've seen that manifest in really high level people and how you work with them to reverse that. Because in my experience, I found that when I have this illusion of later that I tend to put it up on a pedestal and then I can't reach it. But then when I reverse it and I enjoy today those things that I'm working towards seem to be almost effortless. It's like I bring them into my life. It's like they're inevitable. And then there are times when I look at them and I look at them as something outside of myself and they're later and they feel like a mountain that I've got to climb and I feel like I'll never get there because it's outside of me. Can you help me? And those are listening, who are listening create something concrete out of that. And what do you do with your high level entrepreneurs in order to help them experience and enjoy now while also working towards something in the future?

Yeah, really well put, man. So.

I think that the main point is when something big happens and let's keep it on money. The reason why most people never make, quote unquote, big money is because they see it as big. When people think about, let's just say making $10,000 a month, which is a ton of money when you're starting out and it's a ton of money for most people. Most people would be thrilled to make $10,000 a month online or offline, doesn't matter. That's a pretty decent amount. So what happens is people put in their mind that's the big money. And someday when I make the big money, then I'm going to have all of this happiness and I'm going to have all of these things and I'm going to have all this success and this recognition and I'll prove to myself and I'll prove to my parents and I'll prove to my third grade teacher and all this other stuff. And that's really cool. I mean, it can motivate you for sure. But the challenge is when people say I'm going to make the big money.

When your brain hears big, your brain converts big into far away.

Long time from now. And you ask anybody who's actually accomplished it and they'll say, well, yeah, of course I made that. I mean, look at all the shit that I did. Look at all the stuff that I did. Look at all the things that I've made happen. Look at all the action that I've taken and all the things that I planned out way back when. This is the next logical step. And what they've done in every single case is they've normalized that number. It no longer has a bigness to it. The bigness is replaced with a feeling of rightness.

Did you say with rightness? As in like correctness?

Rightness? Correct, yes. Right opposite of left. Rightness.

What do you mean? By that you mean this just means it's inevitable.

Not that it's inevitable that it already exists, that it's normal, it's natural. You see this play out in relationship. I've had lots of conversation with mostly men, a few women, about being attractive to the opposite sex and being attractive to somebody. And I asked them to describe their dream person. And you know, usually guys will start very visual. So guys will typically say things like, well, I want her to be beautiful, whatever that means, because totally subjective, but I want her to be beautiful. She's got to be smart, funny, she's got to have a good sense of humor. She's got to be warm, loving, kind. I want her to be spiritual. I want her to be conscious. I want her to be open hearted. I want her to be cool. I want her to be in shape. And they'll go through this long list and then I'll say, okay, if that woman that you just described showed up right now, would she want to go out with you? And usually the answer is no.

And for most people and men and women, we will create the ideal of somebody that we ultimately would want to be with, ultimately. And it's a big deal. When the truth is when you're spending time improving yourself and becoming the person that you're supposed to be, when you're happy with the person that you are. Well, when somebody shows up who may fit that criteria, they belong in your life at that point, why wouldn't they be in your life with who you are, with who you've become?

What about something that isn't another person? A lot of people have certain fitness goals or they have certain income goals and they've been thinking about them for a long time. Someday I'll have a six pack. Someday I'll have a million dollars. And they've been thinking about that for a long time. Some people may have even been taking consistent action towards those goals and they haven't shown up yet. What's the blockage there?

Good. Very, very simply, it's not about having or about doing. It is about being. So let's go back to money. If someone says, I want to make a million dollars, my question would be, why? What do you need a million dollars for? And they'll say, well, if I had a million dollars, then I could have the house, the car, the travel, the clothes, the impact, the whatever it is. And then I'll ask them, I'll say, and how will that make you feel? What is it ultimately that you're really going for? And it comes down to very simple things. I want to feel happy, I want to feel accomplished, I want to feel successful. And my take on it is that you have the ability to feel that right now. You have the ability to feel wealthier right now. And matter of fact, there's nothing preventing you. Next time you go clothes shopping, don't go to the dollar shoe store. Don't go to the section in the mall that you usually go to. You know what, go to Nordstrom, go to Saks Fifth Avenue, go to Macy's and go look at the expensive shoes. Get used to being comfortable around fine things. Not that that has to be your ultimate goal, but you have to desensitize yourself to the bigness of it. If you tell somebody, yeah, I just bought a pair of shoes for $1,000, $500 per shoe. Most people will look at you like, oh my God, you spent a thousand dollars on shoes. Well, I mean, I have clients and I have friends that would be astounded if they could get a bargain like that.

Well, what's the difference? Their feet are the frickin same. As far as I know, they all have 10 toes. Their feet stink like everybody else. And you wear shoes with no socks and I mean there's way too many commonalities. But people make it up in their mind like it's such a big deal. And so they think if they then have the money, then they'll be able to accept all those things into their life. And here's the thing, it costs nothing to go shop in an expensive store. You don't even have to buy anything. Shop in your mind. Walk around and imagine yourself wearing those shoes for the guys on here. Go look at Ferragamo. Try a pair on. It will change your life in terms of wealth consciousness for women. If you've never bought a real Louis Vuitton purse, not the ones that I see here on the table outside Union Square here in Manhattan. But if you want to actually get a feeling for it, go look at a purse. Those purses are 2,000, 3,000 and up. Well, go put it on. Go put it over your shoulder. Go carry. Feel the weight. Feel the leather open and close the zipper and just let the feeling of having an expensive item in your hands and notice how you feel. Does it freak you out? That freak out feeling is why you don't have the money you want. When you can accept that feeling as normal, when you can walk into a fine restaurant and you can feel completely natural, completely at ease, when you can have a conversation with someone. And there are plenty of people that will have this conversation, have a conversation with someone who has a net worth that's 10 times what you're currently making. And when you can feel comfortable with them, when you cannot judge them for their money, when you can applaud them for what they've accomplished, what's happening is you're resetting your own internal thermometer for wealth. And the truth is you are only as wealthy financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically or otherwise. You're only as wealthy as the people that you spend time with. So you want to make more money, get some more richer friends.

So you're not saying to put on the shoes or the bag or whatever because you necessarily want that as your end goal. You're saying that by doing that, you actually elevate the thoughts that you're having, allow you to bring in a certain level into your life.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Beautifully summarized. When you change your own feeling about money, when the mystique of it, the bigness of it wears off and you can realize that it's just a number, what ends up happening is you literally, it's like taking a rope that's stretched out end to end and you're at one end and you want to make it all the way to the other end. Well, there's two ways to get from one end to the other. You can stretch the rope out and you can walk along it, or you can lay the rope on the ground, bring the two ends together, make them touch, and just take one step. Making money doesn't have to take time. What takes time is people making the emotional journey from oh my God, that's a lot of money to it's just 10,000amonth. And when people can normalize that in any area of their life, they can do it financially, they can do it with relationships, they can do it with fitness, where it simply stops being the end all, be all, and it simply becomes something that they appreciate, something that they admire, something that they enjoy. The actual time frame of having, it just shortens dramatically.

Yeah. And I find when you're able to actualize something like that, that effortlessly, where there's not this clenched feeling going into approaching it, the action steps don't seem so daunting. The idea of failing doesn't seem so crushing. I actually, I actually feel lighter and freer as I'm talking about it. I mean, a year and a half ago, the idea of doing something like improv or a stand up set.

Right, right.

Was completely impossible to me. I wanted to do it so bad, Jesse. So bad. And yet the idea of doing it would, would, would make me clench up and like cold sweats and shiver. You put a microphone in front of me and I would, I would literally, my voice would quiver. And then two weeks ago, I did my first stand up set and I walked up to the mic and delivered it, crushed it and walked off stage and was like, that's just something I did.

Yeah.

It was no longer like this big, elusive thing. And, and I, when I was coming from it from a clenched perspective, I could sit there for six months and write out some jokes and test them and be like, I don't know if it's good enough. I'll wait till, you know, next year. And then this time I threw some jokes together on a notepad, you know, went over it a few times and grabbed the mic. A completely different experience. Once I kind of let go of all the baggage that I had because I was in a different mental state than I was two years ago. Two years ago I had this idea that I had to take a quantum leap towards inspiring groups of people. Where today it's, it's like, I do that every day and everything I do is just the next step in that process. And it doesn't matter what the immediate result is. It matters that seed that I planted and did I water it today so that six months from now I have the result that I want?

Ryan, that is an awesome example, dude. I mean, you, kudos for that. I know that was a big deal for you and you enriched people's lives. You brought your energy to the table and you were able to let your light shine, so to speak, and other people benefited from it. But it's there all along, isn't it? Yeah, it's there all along.

And everyone's is.

Yeah. And that's the thing, is that, you know, I was having a conversation and I think you and I have talked a little bit about this too, about the concept, the whole concept of attraction and being attractive and attracted to another person in a romantic sense or in a physical sense. And there's this giant movement of people, mostly guys, that are trying to find the perfect pickup line and trying to find what's the perfect way to game the girl. I had somebody ask me, he said, dude, when you're talking to a woman, what's the perfect pickup line? Because you're really into language. Okay, great. Thank you for that glowing review.

And I said, I found a great pickup line. It works incredibly well for me. It won't work at all for you, but it works really good for me. And I'll tell you, I see a woman who I think is interesting, and I'll go up and I'll use this pickup line and I'll say, hi, I'm Jesse. What's your name?

And it works every single time. By works I mean that we get to have a conversation. And if she is at all interested in having a conversation, then we will. If she's not interested, then we won't. And none of it has anything to do with me. None of it really has anything to do with her. But it's my job to be the catalyst. If I'm interested in someone, I'm going to go up and talk to them. And occasionally somebody may have some resistance and they may give you the brush off, or they may treat you harshly, in which case my.

Not lying, but my communication will usually be something like, let's take a time out here. I don't know who treated you harshly in the past or even this morning, but I can guarantee you it wasn't me.

So let's start again. My name's Jesse. What's your name?

Why do you approach it like that, Jesse?

Which part?

Why do you approach it so naturally? I'm answering my own question here.

So my perception of that approach.

Well, here's what it really comes down to. It comes down to having an extreme level of self acceptance.

When someone can accept themselves 100% unconditionally for who they are right now, today, with all of their quirks, with all of their weirdness, all of their uniqueness. And they can just say, this is who I am. And there's a lot of things about me that I love. There's a lot of things about me that I would like to improve. But this is who I am today. And I accept me because I accept me. I like me. I like who I am. When you have that.

It truly doesn't matter what other people think of you.

A great friend of mine, Johnny, he's got a great quote. He says that a boy doesn't become a man until he overcomes his fear of disapproval.

A man doesn't become free until he overcomes the need for approval in the first place.

So from that perspective, say it again, please.

How true is that?

Yeah. Yeah. So when we release other people.

From having to approve of us in order for us to be happy, then you actually don't care what other people think about you, but you care a whole lot more about people. And so as far as approaching, whether it's approaching someone that you have an interest in physically or romantically or approaching a business deal, or approaching a prospect or a customer or a client. Listen, all value in life is driven by the value catalysts, the people who have value. It's their responsibility to bring that value to others. In business. We can call it marketing, but really it has nothing to do with the word marketing. It's simply being yourself. It's simply putting yourself forward. When you believe in what you're doing, when you think that what you're doing has value, which ultimately comes from having a level of self acceptance, then you give people a very simple choice. You're welcome to take it and you're welcome to leave it. And either one of those is fine by me.

Jesse. I can't think of a better place to end because that's ultimately what everything that we're seeking is about, is that level of self acceptance. So Jesse, why don't you take a couple minutes and tell people where they can get ahold of you and where they can find more of your stuff.

Cool. Well, I would love to to invite people to just to go visit Jesseeelder.com J-E-S-S E-E-L-E-R.com and that's where all of these videos, the MindVitamin video series are being housed. So we've built a vault there with all these videos. These are very quick videos. Two minutes, two and a half minute videos. And it's just a way for people to realign their thinking.

Based on their purpose and based on who they actually are, not based on their situation or their circumstances. There's nothing to buy there, there's nothing for sale. But the videos are there and it's a library that's constantly being added to. I generally will put two or three mind vitamins up per week. So they can just go to jessielder.com Matter of fact, for your listeners, if they'd like to get on email list where they can receive a little bit lengthier lessons that I share with my private clients, they can go to jessielder.com special and that will give them access to the email. And of course.

I don't do JVs with anybody. I don't never sell or rent list or anything like that. So it's just somebody who wants to have an enlightened, conscious conversation about who they actually are and about who they actually can be.

Thanks so much for inspiring so many people. And I know that the ball is just getting rolling on the amount of people that you're impacting. Keep on changing the world, buddy. Thanks for hanging out with us and.

Say the same thing about you, Ryan. Appreciate it. Love you, dude.

You know, I love what Jesse had to say about normalizing things that are big to us, about looking at those things that we think are big deals and bringing them into the present and treating them like they're normal and that makes success possible. I love that. You know, he said something about how something like $10,000 a month earning online is a big deal to most people and most people will be really happy with that. And there's people who earn a lot more than that. If that's daunting to you, trust me, I get it. I started there too. If you're just beginning your path to entrepreneurship or financial freedom, and if those numbers seem like a big deal to you, we can help you get there and we can help you make that number not such a big, big deal by introducing you to people who are doing it and showing you the strategies that people are using to earn that much money and a lot more. We talk about that a lot at the blog@freedomfastlane.com if you go there and enter in your best email address to one of our free reports, you'll quickly see how people are doing that and how when you bring it into a normal conversation, it's not that big of a deal. So I'd encourage you go over there now freedomfastlane.com and download one of those free reports. Until next time, thanks for listening to Freedom Fastlane and we'll talk to you soon.