Jordan Gray: How Masculinity Affects Your Life

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Welcome to Freedom Fastlane. I'm Ryan Daniel Moran and today we're talking about being a man. No, really, we're going to be speaking with Jordan Gray. He's a relationship coach and someone who has been fascinated with the polarization between masculine and feminine energies and why that causes attraction and how that affects our lives. This is something I've been studying for years and is probably why I have such a deep voice and so much hair on my body. The masculine feminine polarization is something that's extremely important for us to cover in today's society because in the last few decades, men have been becoming more and more feminine and women have become more and more masculine. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but that does have effects on on society. And today Jordan and I will be talking about what those are and if you're a man, how to bring out your masculine in order to be more productive, more effective, more tenacious, more successful. And if you're a woman, how you can respond and also support your man in the best way possible. This is fascinating stuff. It's going to be an introduction for those of you who have never been exposed to this before. So enter this call with an open mind. There's only so much we can go into in a 30 to 40 minute call, so have an open mind as you're going into this call with Jordan Gray.

Hey everybody, this is Ryan Daniel Moran and welcome to Freedom Fastlane. Today I'm humbled and excited to be joined with someone that I consider an incredibly close friend and a mentor. He, he's somebody who has inspired me, coached me, and somebody who is changing lives around the world. He is a best selling author, he is a top relationship coach and he is really, really good at causing shifts in people. If there's something that you're wrestling with, if there is a new goal that you want to attack and accomplish, if there is something that you feel is preventing you from getting there, Jordan Gray is the guy who can help you create a shift so that you feel pulled towards that goal so you're in alignment towards that. He's awesome at filtering out the junk that's holding you back so that you have a clear purpose and road to success. He's also a good friend and someone who has inspired me. So Jordan, I'm really excited to be featuring you today.

Ryan, thank you for having me. That was an amazing introduction.

Well, thanks, Jordan. I mean, we're personal friends, so I obviously have a history with you. But for those of you who aren't familiar with you, why don't you take a little bit to talk about why you're awesome and why people should be listening to you?

Sure. So you can find out more about me@jordangrayconsulting.com I've been basically a relationship, intimacy and life coach for the last five years. I've written three books. Two of them are bestsellers on Amazon. And, yeah, I think that you honestly, probably, you said it best. A lot of what Ryan just said. I second that.

Okay, well, Jordan, a lot of people who listen to Freedom Fast Lane are entrepreneurs. A lot of them are lifestyle business owners, and they desire freedom. Our big mantra is to live the life that you desire, to live a life of purpose. But for a long time, I struggled with purpose and wondering, what should I be doing? And I felt really held back towards the goals that I wanted to achieve. So a lot of people listening, they wonder about their purpose. They wonder about what's my gift to the world. So for those people who are in that spot, who don't know their mission or their passion, what advice would you give to them?

Yeah, it's a question I hear a lot. And I seriously hope that one day, one person just makes the perfect product that points you to yourself and is like, here is exactly what you need to do.

And.

And like, here's the blueprint for it. And I'll attack this question from the thinking and feeling level because both are very important for men. And I feel like a lot of the time masculine thinkers, men especially, are very drawn to just kind of logicing their path or purpose into a corner and only thinking about it and never feeling. Never using their intuition as well. So the first point I would say is, first of all, just be intentional about it. Like, chase it down and capture it. Don't just think, oh, it'll float into my life one day. If I just, you know, if I just sit and meditate for 10 hours in a room, it will become crystal clear, and it'll be there. You know, look at what kind of books you're drawn to or that you read on the regular. Who in your life are you jealous of? You know, are you listening to this podcast right now and you are somewhat jealous of some aspect of Ryan's life? Pay attention to that. That kind of envy, that feeling of jealousy is so important because that is something at your core that you want in your life. Whatever you're perceiving in other people, you want that as a part of your mission, so it's important. And the last one would be what did you dream of doing when you were, you know, 6, 10, 12, 15 years old when you were younger, but you kind of let go because, oh, that. That dream is silly. That's not something that I could actually do in real life. You know, for me, for example, I was a major theater kid all the way through high school. You know, 13 to 17 years old. I was in every play, every musical. I loved it. And I didn't want to chase being an actor because that wasn't really the part that I loved, which is being in front of people, which, Ryan, I know you can empathize with.

And that was a huge part of why I fell into relationship coaching and teaching in general is that being able to teach groups of 10 to 100 men in a room was so validating and so freeing. And I just knew that that had to tie into my purpose. And so when I was back in front of people in a coaching aspect, that was infinity times more addictive than just theater, because it was something that I cared about, something that they were resonating with, and it just used so many of my strengths all in one moment. So for the people listening, think of all of your greatest strengths, how you could leverage those. And just the thing that, you know, if I already had $10 million in the bank, what would I love to be doing right now every day? What would make my blood feel like it was just coursing with electricity, just totally on fire?

You said something to me in private once, which was, finding yourself is. You'll have just. You'll have to give the exact quote, but it was. You said, finding yourself as like sliding into a mud pit. You don't have to force it to happen. You just allow it to happen.

Right, Exactly. And this ties in perfectly to the masculine conversation that it's a very male brain thing to do, to want to perceive this journey as like climbing a mountain. And you see it as this. This upward thing that you have to slog your way through. And, you know, your heels are blistered and you're in pain and you're dehydrated. And it's not about getting to the top of the mountain of, you know, finding this summit and then having it all come clear to you. But exactly. It's like looking up towards the top of the mountain and just sitting down and sliding backwards down the hill into the mud. Like, you really have to wade through some of your. I don't know if I can swear, but your craft and really realize, no, this is who I am at my core. It May not be pretty or socially acceptable or whatever. The thing is, this is what I really need to do to feel fulfilled every day.

I think there's a shift happening right now with men because for a long time, there's kind of been this definition of what masculinity is, of what a man should be. And now we don't have so many of those restrictions because we have so much freedom and opportunity in today's society. And we're relearning. We're kind of relearning how to do that. And as a result, we have questions like, what's my purpose and my mission? Which really, 50, 100 years ago, I'm not saying nobody struggled with that, but you kind of had a pretty clear linear path. You went. You got a job, you got plugged in somewhere, you provided for your family, you made babies, and you went to church and you served your community, and that was what was expected of you 75, 100 years ago. Now that we have this freedom and opportunity that's so abundant, we kind of have to rediscover ourselves. And I think that we're kind of in this transition period where those questions are a little bit muddied right now. Would you agree?

Yeah, absolutely. There's a really cool book called the Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, and he talks about kind of what you're just touching on there, about how when we have fewer options, you know, it's like, oh, would you like this burger or this burger? It's a lot easier to make that choice. And that is largely what it was 50 years ago, or maybe, you know, 50, 80 years ago, where, yeah, you grew up and you had one of maybe five sexually available women in your. In your town to date. Because you didn't live in this mega city of millions of people like we do today. Or, you know, you could be a welder or a banker. Like, they were just. There were very limited options. And research has shown that when we have too many options, we get overwhelmed and it takes longer for us to make a decision. And we also, oftentimes we end up being less satisfied with the choice that we do make because there are. Because you said there's so much abundance of choice that, yeah, definitely it is a more difficult process to make, but still essential.

Now, I went through this myself, through a really difficult time. But I would like for you to address, for both men who are going through it and women who have men going through it or will have men going through it or sons going through that difficult time, what effect does that have on a man when he's unsure about where he's going next or what his purpose is or what he needs to do next? What does that do to a man and what can he do about it?

Great questions. So what does it do to a man? It drains him. We, you know, masculine thinking really doesn't enjoy feeling stuck or caged or uncertain. It's actually the exact opposite of the masculine energy because masculine energy is directionality. So, you know, it's the male penetrating force in every element of the universe that says, okay, this way we're going this direction we're going there, come hell or high water, we're going to push through this and get to one place. And so spinning around in this kind of chaotic state of uncertainty, it drains you a little bit more each day. And so what can we do about that is kind of touching back on the path. And purpose finding is you get intentional even if you're making the wrong decisions. It's so much better for your day to day mental health if you just make a decision and it turns out that it's the wrong one because then you're still learning. When people say, like, oh man, I just, I wasted the last three months like chasing this revenue model or this thing and I just feel like I completely wasted it and like now to start all over and I say, did you learn anything from this experience? Like, yeah, I'll never do that again. I'm like, perfect. So you didn't waste anything. You learned something very valuable. You know, you learned what it felt like to feel frustrated and feel pissed off in that state. Which that in itself is a learning curve. But tying that to, okay, well, never chase that again or I'll modify it this way there's no wrong mistakes. Unless, yeah, the only wrong choice is not making a choice, which even in itself is making a choice of not deciding. So try something. And I always picture kind of like the layers of an onion peeling further and further down to your core essence. And that shelling is just losing a layer of something that isn't you. And that's healthy, that's good for you.

Yeah, I've noticed in my life I tend to doubt myself or find that lack of purpose if work isn't going well or if a relationship isn't going well. And if I don't have something else that I'm supplementing it with, I tend to fall into that negative immasculine place. So the way that I supplement that is I stay really, really rigorous and scheduled with my workouts or I stay really, really focused and intentional about my relationship with a certain person. And I always feel like I'm growing in my workouts because I can add more weight. Right. Or I can be intentional about some area in my life that's growing to have momentum and direction in. So I feel that pull, I feel that drive, even if there's a certain part of my life that's lagging.

Yeah, exactly. And the masculine thrives off of challenge. So that makes complete sense that you would go to. Okay, well, you know, I'm not really smashing out these barriers right now, so what can I be growing in? And yeah, like you said, it's very. One thing that people don't realize often is that the masculine, not just in men, but the masculine in everyone, really prioritizes path and purpose and mission almost above all else in their life. Whereas the feminine in everyone prioritizes love and intimacy. And so, you know, men generally can, they can stand not being an intimate relationship much better than most women or most feminine minded people can. Whereas, you know, a lot of my girlfriends in the past and, and we've talked with this and some of yours as well, they might not understand fully how much our career path and how much our mission means to us as men. And it's really like it's point number one if that's not in place, you just, you feel like in this wishy washy, out of integrity kind of place. And it's like I said, it's very draining for the masculine.

I want to reiterate that because I want to make sure I understood what you said because it really resonated with me. What you're saying is that men put as much value and get as much drive out of their mission and purpose as women do out of love and intimacy. So if women really wanted to understand men, if they're going through a hard time, that is the comparison. It's love and intimacy having a relationship for women that's priority number one. And for men it's purpose and mission. So if a man doesn't isn't clear on his mission and his purpose, it's the equivalent, if I'm understanding you correctly, it's the equivalent of a woman not feeling loved and being intimate and in a relationship.

Exactly. And I'm using man and woman for simplicity's sake. Really. I should be saying masculine minded person, feminine minded person, because they can live in either gender. But yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The masculine minded male prioritizes path and purpose over love. And intimacy and, you know, we go into that further. But that's basically how relationships balance each other out, is that, you know, the feminine reminds the masculine, hey, like, don't just 100% chase your goals and mission. Don't forget to live. Don't forget to, like, slow down and cuddle with me sometimes. Whereas the feminine learns from the masculine that time isn't infinite and that life will end. And so if you have dreams, chase them. We kind of put that directionality into their lives and we help them be more penetrating with life. So we both learn from each other in different ways.

We've gotten pretty deep pretty quickly. So let's back up just a little bit. For people who aren't as into this stuff as we are, why don't you give people a little bit of an overview on the difference between masculine and feminine energy? Why don't you define that for people? Because this distinction changed my life. Getting this distinction and understanding the difference, not right away, but once I really started to play with it and understand it, I really saw the world differently. Once I understood the difference between masculine energy, feminine energy, being okay with being in both energies at different times in my life, watching it play out in my relationships, in my interactions, and it's impacted my business, my romantic relationships, my friendly relationships, everything. And I want people to be able to understand this distinction. So could you provide that for people?

Sure. And I think you touched on it there a little bit, but it's almost like the secret language that exists in everything around us. But like you said, but no one talks about it or knows about it or very few people do either of those things. And yeah, so some of the value will be from hearing about it right now. And then I think a lot of the learning comes from after kind of knowing the general framework, seeing it everywhere in action and going, oh, wow, it's actually everywhere around me.

Yes.

So it's one of those things that appreciates with value over time. So masculine and feminine energy. So some differences here. I'm going to keep going back to the yin and yang symbol, that black and white swirly thing that you've probably seen in hippie style marketing somewhere across the world. When you talk about masculine feminine, it's not an either or or 1000 continuum. A balanced masculine and balanced feminine each have 20% of the other. So, you know, a lot of the men that I work with, especially the ones that are very entrepreneurial, very driven, but need help in relationships, they're often closer to 100% masculine with no balanced Feminine. And that's not a healthy place to be. And this is actually where a lot of, kind of the, however you want to call it, masculine, feminine polarity swings have bounced out over the last couple decades is that in the 70s, everyone depolarized and went from very masculine, very feminine, strict gender roles to women burning their bras and joining the workforce and men growing their hair long and going to men's retreats where they got in touch with their emotions. And it was a healthy and necessary step. But now, as you mentioned, off the top of the call, we're coming to this kind of new definition of masculinity where we find it more difficult to connect with our grandfathers because we just, we live in very different generations. And so the masculine being 80% masculine, 20% feminine, is largely, again, coming back to directionality, is assertive, intentional, very penetrating about his life. He's a problem solver, he is a provider in every sense of the word, emotionally, financially, sexually.

And mature. Masculinity, the key distinction, wants what is best for the tribe and society at large. So, you know, I'll be the first person to. I don't know if it'd be admit, but in my biased opinion, I think that a lot of the world's problems right now are from not masculine energy, but a derivative of masculine energy, which is boy energy. A lot of the problems come from things like greed and selfishness and victim mindset and things that are a boy like phase, they're not a man like phase. They're not mature masculinity. They are kind of underdeveloped boy energy. And so that's an important distinction, is that it's not, you know, the destructive masculine energy that's just out to mess up the world. If it was mature and self aware, it would be just as, you know, nurturing and creative and helping as feminine energy would be.

Am I still answering the question? I feel like I've gotten off topic or too deep again.

We're good at that. Getting really deep for somebody who had never heard. You just did a really good job of defining what masculine energy looks like. Why don't you step one step back and explain exactly how that energy is. It sounds a little bit woo woo. You know, we're talking about masculine feminine energy. Okay, you freak, you hippie. What is this? You know, explain that in, in layman's terms because I see it every day in my interactions. I see it play out. I see what happens when balance occurs and I see what happens when you have, you know, you get into an argument with a romantic partner and she steps into a masculine role and I watch myself get angry and then we clash. Whereas opposed to, if we stay in our roles, if we stay, I stay in relationship. One energy, she says in the other, and we reach conflict resolution. So I know the importance and I don't want people to miss the distinction of exactly what it is. So for somebody who's saying, okay, you hippie, this sounds really woo woo. Explain it to them.

Okay. Masculine energy is a straight line and feminine energy is a tornado.

Or masculine energy is a boulder, a huge rock, and feminine energy is the ocean. One is very kind of static and stoic and penetrating. And masculine energy just gets things done. It's the thing that tells you to write a to do list and then tick off those things and feel accomplished with every time you cross one out. Whereas feminine energy is the energy that has you write down the to do list and then makes you question.

Why you're writing it out in this format or why you're doing this task in this way. And hits it from maybe a more productive or more creative standpoint. Like, it's more flexible energy.

Okay. And how do they play out against each other or interact with one another?

They complement each other very well when used, you know, intentionally or just from a kind of healthy, balanced mindset. And you know, I used that example earlier of each one teaches the other energy something very vital that kind of keeps it from self destruction. So, you know, for a lot of the, I'm guessing, masculine listeners to this podcast, it would be that, that kind of nurturing energy from your girlfriend or wife or partner that, you know, she walks into the room when you've been working on your computer for 12 hours that day and your retinas are burning because you're tired of looking at the computer, but the masculine in you is just so stuck in the on position that you don't want to take any downtime. And you know, your girlfriend comes up behind you and like kisses you on the neck and closes your computer for you and says, come to bed. Like, it's that nurturing, flexible energy that says you don't have to just strive, strive, strive all the time. You can also be content and enjoy the moment.

Now, yeah, we've talked about this privately, but I've lived alone for, for most of my young life and, and I've been in that masculine of drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, and I burnt out really fast.

Absolutely.

And, and I happened to move in with a wonderful woman this year. Totally platonic and even that I feel like my life is so much more balanced.

Absolutely.

Because I go into my living room and there's a decoration there that I would have never thought of and yet I feel, feel somehow more balanced because it's there. And she comes home and she's all flowy and, and talking about her day.

In such a like off the wall way and just like telling these stories that you're barely connecting with. But it's just like it's a spectacle to even be witness to. You just like, wow, this is, this is not how my brain works at all.

Yeah, exactly. And there's nothing romantic about it. Yet her energy makes me feel so much more fulfilled and I'm so thankful for her and the compliment that she plays in my life. And she feels the same way. She watches my drive and my purpose and she goes, wow, I feel so inspired by this. And she feels filled up by that. And even though there's nothing romantic about our relationship, we still feel really complimented and really fulfilled. And then when I started seeing someone recently, it was even that much more. I felt that feminine energy balance me out, even that much more. And I think I told you this story privately. I remember being at a girl's house recently and she was making me dinner and I was playing with her cat and I looked up suddenly all confused, like something was terrible was happening.

Right.

And she looked around, she's like, what? What's wrong? What's wrong? And I said, I just realized that I'm not thinking about work. Which for the first time in months I wasn't thinking about work because I felt like I had this just new energy that allowed me to cut off the really driven, straight line focus and just be present for a moment.

Yeah, it's so important. It's like you'd been a car just like driving 100 miles an hour for years and then this thing distracted you and it was like, hey, you should slow down and fill up for gas. Like that's what that fullness was. It was brought to your life. Oh, I, yeah, I forgot about that. But that makes total sense. And this feels really good. Yeah.

Now, some people might not quite understand what we're talking about because we've talked about the polarization that existed 50 to 75 years ago where men had a very clear, direct path, women had certain expectations, and we don't have that so much anymore. Today, women are more encouraged to be career minded, to have children later. Men are more encouraged to be in touch with their emotions. And that's not Necessarily a bad thing. I would actually say it's probably a good thing. But there are effects of that because women are becoming more and more masculine, men are becoming more and more feminine. And I'm curious what you say the effects on society are as a result of that.

Sure. So yeah, again, when you said men are becoming more feminine and women are becoming more masculine, just keep it clear. I don't think that 100% masculine isn't turning into 100% feminine, but we are bouncing back into that 80, 20 more balanced lifestyle. And yeah, I think it's an amazing place to be and I feel like a lot of it's kind of been nature and nurture, but a lot of it has come from the fact that, you know, 50 years ago we lived in a very.

Building and doing and striving economy where, you know, it mattered more what kind of buildings or cars you could create physically than the ideas that you came up with. Whereas now we live in a very creative thinking ideas economy where a lot of again, more feminine balanced energies bring a lot more to the table.

Interesting.

And I also see that in the way that marketing is done several decades ago, people, or maybe even 20 years ago in early Internet marketing, you could really use kind of public trust and you could just make a killing financially and leave. You can just do these one off major pushes and launch a product and then not really need to build a relationship or use anything of your creative mindset, but just go and make a killing and then run. Whereas now, at least from maybe my biased perspective, I feel like a lot of more conscious marketers, guys that actually like or people actually build relationships long term, they are much more community minded. They are much more open to doing guest blogs and doing podcasts and interviewing other people. It's not just I have to get the entire market share and like screw everyone else. It's much more community minded, which again, community minded energy is more feminine energy compared to just, you know, a dark side of the masculine trait like self serving, selfish energy.

Yeah, I understand. I understand what you mean. What comes to mind is like the dot com boom. It was all about let's go big and sell and make all this money and run. And now we don't have that anymore. It's more how do we serve each other and how do we build something lasting.

Exactly.

Yeah.

All right.

So for people who are listening, who most of the people who listen to Freedom Fast lane are business owners or want to be business owners. And we've talked about purpose, we talked about mission, but they're not quite sure what to do next. And what was big for me in my shift was understanding my masculine energy and how to tap into that. So I'd like for you to identify what are masculine things that bring out that drive in us, that make us want to go achieve and conquer and build, and how can we tap into that when sometimes we don't feel that way?

Definitely, and I love the question because that in itself is your masculinity only speaking to me. Because this comes up in all my conversations because my clients are primarily male and the male mind is always saying, okay, like ideas makes enough sense, we can move on. But what do I do? What is the action step? Whereas to the feminine, you know, just talking about it, not endlessly, but kind of talking about it in circles, sometimes that's fulfilling because that fullness is what they're looking for. So what can we do to tap into our masculine energy? So I mentioned a couple things already. Again, making more decisions. Even if it feels like, oh, this could be the wrong one, it probably will be the wrong one, but you'll still be learning something. So, you know, figure out who exactly am I? You know, what are my unique dance steps in every interaction that I bring to the table? What are people frequently asking me for? And you know, knowing, okay, here's who I am, where am I going in life? And then what kind of even tiny decisions can I make that might point me more in that direction? Again, masculine energy is directionality. So having preferences and making decisions, whether they're the right ones or wrong ones doesn't matter. Just choosing, just making any decisions will grow you. I often say if you want to live more, make more decisions, it just, it grows everything about you. So, you know, chase down new experiences, be intentional about your life. If you feel like you need to build challenge or self efficacy into your life, maybe go on a two week long solo vacation where you don't plan anything, you just go and have to figure everything out by yourself along the way. You'll get good at making decisions pretty damn fast. You've done that?

Yeah, I have. It's a great experience.

It's fun and it's scary and you grow and it's challenge, but it's very, very fulfilling for the masculine. Another one is you've already touched on briefly is going to the gym. It's actually, I think it was Richard Branson who said in an interview, someone asked him, what is the key to your success? If there's one thing you can tell everyone to do to be as driven and successful as you are, what would it be? And he said, workout. That was it. He said, just go to the gym, just exercise. I totally believe that. Not just because it stokes the masculine fire in your belly by challenging yourself, but you see a very clear one to one ratio of. I put in effort here, and, you know, I see results. You don't necessarily see it day one. You might feel it day one because you're sore, but over a couple of weeks, you go, oh, my choices have led to my back being stronger or bicep being visibly larger. Whatever your goal is, just seeing my decisions have tangible results in the real world is very satisfying to the masculine.

Yeah, this makes total sense to me because I totally get off on the idea of when I make a decision and step into something, things change. You know, it's like the universe is water, right? I step into something, it wants to go around me. So I get intentional about something and results take place. And I love that. The more I do it, the more I desire it, the more I want to go towards it. I never thought of that as a masculine energy thing, but it makes sense now that you say it, because it's clear in business. It's clear in dating. I want to go talk to that girl. I go talk to her. I get her number. Now we're on a date. You know, I want to work out. I do these curls now. My bicep is, you know, almost visible.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, even. Even in your tonality and you talking about it and also feeling my current heart rate, Even talking about drive and directionality and masculinity. We're like, oh, I want to go to the gym right now. Or I want to. I want to write a new book or whatever the task is. It's, you know, it's stoking that fire right now, even talking or hearing about it.

So would you say that momentum, then, is a masculine thing?

Hmm.

Like, that idea of being in motion and, like, moving towards something, Is that a masculine thing?

Yeah, yeah, that's. I've never thought like that, but that would definitely. That would definitely attribute to masculinity, because I know.

I feel. I feel the worst. I feel the least amount of energy when I just perceive everything as standing still. I'm not growing, therefore, I feel like I'm dying. Whereas even if I'm growing in some area, you know, I feel like a freaking man.

Yeah, definitely. And that. Yeah, that makes even more sense, because the way that the masculine sees the entire world is kind of in this. Like, you Know, in this time based.

Map or grid. So even the idea, even the word momentum is a very masculine concept because to the feminine, the feminine is always extremely present minded. Like, you know, cats are feminine, whereas dogs are masculine. And cats don't think about their moods in terms of, oh well, a few months ago this happened and so that's still kind of trickling into my mood now. No, they're just extremely present. So yeah, momentum is a very masculine idea because if I'm feeling like this is a string of successes, then by definition I'm thinking about things that have happened in the past, things are happening now, and things that I'm projecting for the future. So yeah, definitely masculine mindset.

All right, great. So when a masculine minded person starts doing these things that make him feel more masculine energy, what types of changes happen in him or her.

In terms of their physiology, their lifestyle?

Yeah, and their lifestyle? When somebody starts being more decisive and starts tapping into, let's just say tapping into their real energy. When a masculine person starts tapping into their, their true core masculine, or if a feminine person starts tapping into that, when that, when they start heading in those paths and just being who they are and allowing that energy to come out, what types of changes do they experience?

They feel more grounded, more certain of themselves, less shakeable.

You know, a way that I see this playing out in a lot of my male clients is that when they don't feel connected to path and purpose, they don't have, you know, a career path that they're really stoked on in the moment. They're very susceptible to, you know, fluctuations in their mood or, you know, they could approach a girl, try to get her phone number, and if it doesn't go well, it really shakes them up and it really bothers them because they aren't really tied to their core self, which again, the masculine really gets a lot of validation from being connected to their purpose. So when they are connected to that, you just feel more solid. You feel like, you know, instead of an ice cream cone or like an inverted pyramid, you are the pyramid where your base is so wide and so solid that nothing can push you over. Because no, here I am. I'm me. I'm, I'm living my life, I'm living my message or my brand, my whatever you're putting out to the world my truth. And you just feel much more solid. And yeah, you just, you are yourself much more.

Yeah, a lot of people listening feel like.

They listen to my podcast, that they're interested in experiencing the freedom to be themselves. The freedom to wake up when they want to go after the things they're passionate about. The freedom to not have to work for somebody else, which are typically pretty masculine traits. I want to be free. I want to make my own schedule. I want to do my own thing. And without those things, they tend to feel like they're not being the fullest version of themselves. I want you to address what holds people back. Like, what are those blocks that hold people from really going after freedom or going after their fulfillment, or going after the things that really make them feel alive? We all kind of have mental blocks, but they always seem to be interrelated somehow. They always seem to be similar fears of not being loved or not being enough. And I'd like for you to address that. What are the things that you see holding people back from really going after the things that they want? And is there a way to unlock that potential that's in us?

Definitely. I would say there's three main things that I see most frequently. The first one is lack of self awareness, you know, not knowing or not allowing themselves to know what their path or purpose is. The second is their issues around deserving and permission. And the third one is fear. And so I'll touch on each one of these more in depth.

But one question that I really like to a series of questions that I ask basically all of my clients is three questions in a row. And the order really matters. It's who am I, where am I going? And who will come with me? And it's in that order. And how most men, or still maturing usually, boy energy men go about these things is they go in the exact opposite order. They look for a relationship first just to grab onto something. And then they go, oh, well, I'm not really fulfilled by this relationship entirely. Maybe I should do something with my life. And then they start doing something that's not really aligned with who they are. And so then they started self analyzing, going, oh wait, who am I? And then there's an entire upheaval of the entire process. So starting with self awareness and starting with again, you don't have to know set in stone who's exactly what my life's purpose is. But at least sitting down with yourself and going, okay, if I really stop lying to myself, what do I know would make me happy? So starting with self awareness after that, once you know what those things are, and deserving permission and fear kind of tied together, but giving yourself the permission or the sense of I deserve to be happy a lot of the time. And you know, especially, again, coming back to the masculine mindset that is largely, you know, just driven and striving and chasing a goal that isn't really conducive to happiness as much as it is to just, you know, chasing a challenge and striving for something. Those are very different mindsets. One is more generally anxiety ridden, the other one is much more present. You know, the happy, feminine. And so sitting down and going, like, do I really, at a base level think that I deserve to wake up without an alarm clock every day for the next five years? Is that something that, you know, there isn't some kind of conditioned response in my early childhood? Not to go, like, super Freudian here, but, you know, maybe you grew up with. With, you know, post World War II parents that they grew up with this mindset of, you know, be very frugal and, like, the only way to make money is to work extremely hard every day for someone else. And, you know, look at your conditioning because it might not be serving you. And then the last one, fear.

You know, Seth Godin's talked on this a little bit. I don't love his stuff. He has some cool points. And basically the tools have never been more accessible ever. Like, times a million in human history. If you want to have a TV show, you can buy a $200 video camera and make your own TV show with YouTube. If you want to be a published author, you can write 10 books in a year with Amazon if you want to do anything. The tools are so accessible that it's never been easier to lead a tribe or just find your path and purpose and push it out to the world in that kind of penetrating, masculine way. And the only thing that's holding you back from using those tools, not to just keep this to the world of Internet marketing or, or products and services or info products. But it really is the fear of, oh, if I do this, then people will judge me. If I do this, then people will tell me to stop or they'll think I'm being irresponsible or whatever. And it's important to realize that people will always judge you and there will always be people telling you that you're doing the wrong thing. But as long as you feel in integrity with yourself and you go, you know what? I can have all my close friends and family, you know, all of them, but I could have most of them telling me I'm doing, like, the worst thing for me or something wrong that doesn't serve me, or my wife doesn't always feel supportive of what I'm doing in my career and mission right now. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it feels amazing. And this really serves me. And I see it helping other people in the world. It's that kind of thing that counteracts the fear of, oh, but what if, what if, what if? Just look at what is, what is right now. What do you feel when you're doing those things that other people might not be as happy for?

Yeah, I just had this recent shift in my life where I finally was like, this is who I am. This is where I'm going. And whoever joins me along the path is welcome to come with me. And there's going to be naysayers, and there's going to be people who judge me or laugh at me, but this is where I'm going, hell or high water. And people are gonna show. I know that people are gonna show up in my life that help support that path, and the people who don't will fall off. And the naysayers are gonna be naysayers, and I don't care, because this is who I am and where I'm going.

Exactly.

Once I did that, I just felt like everything in my life started to fall into place. It was easy for me to wake up and get things done. It was easy for me to cut things off that weren't serving me. And even you saw the difference last time we saw each other in person. And I felt like once I really tapped into that, that energy and that, you know, that ability to be my real self, it just felt like things started to happen almost effortlessly.

Yeah, yeah. And it was a night and day difference. You were. You were walking lighter. Your shoulders are more relaxed. I was like, oh, this is. This is like Ryan 3.0 over here.

Well, thank you, sir. Well, Jordan, you know how much of an impact this has had on my life and even the ripple effects of it, of the people that I interact with, just by understanding this key difference of the energies between masculine and feminine and how they interact and how to tap into it for myself and how to live in that place, has really affected every single area of my life. My business, my relationships, my happiness, my purpose, my productivity, everything.

And the people around me in each of those areas. So I really wanted to share this with my listeners. But before we call it a day, why don't you tell people where they can connect with you and where they can discover more about this?

Definitely. So jordangrayconsulting.com is the major hub. Jordanjordan and gray gray consulting.com you can find out more about path and purpose and thriving intimate relationships and how to have better sex and tons of things through that website. I've got three books on there as well that you can also find on Amazon. And yeah, other than that, if you google me, you'll just find a big smattering of podcasts and interviews and blog posts and the message is being spread.

Jordan is being really, really humble, but the guy is a life changer so be sure to google it and listen to all those interviews and podcasts and blog posts. Jordan, thanks for hanging out with us today.

My pleasure. Thanks for having me, Ryan.

Before we say our goodbyes, I want to say a few words about why this is so incredibly important. Some of you may be listening and wondering how this has anything to do with freedom or entrepreneurship or lifestyle design. Well, it has to do with everything, because everything that we do on some level comes back to our desire for connection with other human beings. All the things that we desire on a deeper level are actually a desire to connect. It's a desire for relationship. And relationships are made up of masculine and feminine, feminine energies. Masculine connects with masculine in one way, feminine connects with masculine in another way. And when you begin to understand that, you then start to see the inner workings of our deepest desire, which is relationship. I want to thank you for listening to this class with Jordan Gray and as always, you can find us on our blog@freedomfastlane.com thanks for listening and I hope to you see see you there.