Masculinity, Personal Responsibility, and The Role Of Men w/ Ryan Michler #TheOnePercent

Most men, and we talked about this earlier, and most people, I think in general, are very deliberate about their money, for example, and a lot of people are very deliberate about the results they're producing in the gym. Why? Because it's tangible. But it's, it's. It's harder to. To quantify a successful relationship. Like, how do you measure being a good dad? I want to be a good dad. Great. What does that even mean? Or I want to be a good husband. Okay, cool. Welcome to the club. But what does that actually mean?

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Ryan Daniel Moran here, and today I'm a little bit nervous to be sharing this episode with you. It's with a friend of mine, Ryan Mickler, and he has become kind of a thought leader on an area that I think is vitally important. It's a topic that is sensitive. It's a topic that is controversial, and it's a topic that every time I talk about someone I know and love gets upset with me. So the fact that I'm going to be talking about this publicly makes me super nervous. But I think it's really important for me to share. And it's the topic of masculinity. It's the topic of men's role in society. It's the topic of the disservice that we have done to women in demonizing men and in changing the way that we show up in the world. Now, I'm of the opinion that most of the world's problems could be solved if men just stepped up, if men just acted like men. Now, to say that in today's world is a little bit dangerous because it assumes some sort of superiority or people will think that it means that there are certain things that only men can do. I'm not of that opinion. I just think that we have mostly stifled both men and women by trying to create a world that expects us to be something that we're not wired to be. So I invited Ryan to come on the show and share what he has talked about on a podcast that has really blown up. And it's another thing that I wanted to ask him about because he has. When he and I met, he was just starting a podcast. He was kind of grinding at this game, and he wasn't reaching popularity talking about the things that he was talking about. And yet he was able to do it in a respectful way, in a consistent way, where he has built quite the following as a result. So we don't shy away from controversial topics in this interview, and we also unpack what Ryan has done to build his business from scratch in an area that is both niche and controversial. So I hope you enjoy this chat as much as I did with Ryan Mickler.

We're joined by Ryan Mickler, the man, the myth, the beard. What's going on, Ryan? Thanks for hanging out with us.

I like that intro, man. I'm not sure that I've ever heard an intro that way, so that this is something new already.

Well, if it's okay with you, I would like to just have an interview with your beard today. Let's leave Ryan out of it. I want to have fears right from the beard.

We can. We'll see what we can do. We'll see what we can do.

So I want to blow up Google for a second. If you are listening to this, especially if you're driving, pull out your phone and do a Google image search for Ryan Mickler beard. And you will not regret this one. But, Ryan.

I wanted to have you on for a couple very specific reasons. But before we go into those specific reasons, I want to talk about money and business, because I know a few years ago, you were starting a new business. I believe that's when we met. And you have just plotted away at building a following and a business. And I would like to hear how you make money, and I'd like to hear how business is going after kind of consistently just plugging away for the last three or four years. So can we start there?

Yeah, absolutely. So I was about eight months into this, into the business, which. Which is order of man. We're focused on. For the. For the sake of time, just focused on helping men become better men. And we can talk more specifically about what that means, but for the sake of time, we'll leave it there for now. I got into this movement, which is what it's become now, about Eight or so months into it, and I began to neglect my quote, unquote, real business, which is my financial planning firm that I own. And my wife came to me one evening and she said, you know, you're spending a lot of time on this other business here. This, this, this idea wasn't even a business at the point. And what it's doing is you're actually taking away time and, and, and revenue. You're not spending so much time in the financial planning practice. So I would suggest that you consider finding a way to make money or scale back. And eight months into this thing, I was not at all interested in scaling back. If anything, I was doubling down on the business or the, or the, or the side hustle or whatever you want to call it, because it wasn't a business at that point. I wasn't making any money. And so I thought, okay, well, how can I make money? And I had a couple of guys who had come up to me and shot me messages and emails and texts and things like that. And they said, you know, Ryan, we really appreciate what you're doing, talking about this, having this conversation, conversation. But like, what's next? We want to learn more, we want to grow, we want to expand. And so what I did is I released a course in November of 2015. I called it the Iron Council. And it was a 12 week course with 12 guys. I opened it up to 12 guys and I said, we're just going to have some conversations, we're going to do some, some video virtual meetings every couple of weeks. You'll get an assignment every two weeks and we'll just, we'll just have this out. And I immediately got 12 guys in there just like overnight, no problem at all. And we got about 60 days into the 90 day program. And I realized, man, these guys are really enjoying this. They really like what we're doing. I'm onto something here. And so I opened this thing up In January of 2016, I think it was January of 2016. The Iron Council, which is, which was a mastermind initially. Now I call it a brotherhood because it's too big to even call it a mastermind, but we've got about 365, 370 members of this brotherhood now. And of course the features and everything else have expanded from there, but the primary way we make money is through, through that brotherhood. And then of course, we've expanded offerings into live events. I do a three and a half day immersive experience in the mountains of southern Utah. I do some speaking and things like that. But again, the primary revenue is from that brotherhood.

Do you do deadlifts in the forest in your three and a half day retreat?

We don't. We don't do deadlifts. But one of the things that we did last year when we did this and this, this one coming up here in the next couple of months is our third time doing it. We actually, we do a lot, but one of the things that was really, really cool is, is we brought them to a MMA studio and actually let these guys fight, let them wrestle each other. And it was really, really enlightening for the men who came, who had never really stood shoulder to shoulder or face to face against another person who wants to choke them out or submit them or whatever else maybe. And they couldn't run, they had to do it. And so we do some really interesting stuff like that that pushes these guys outside of their comfort zone. But no deadlifts in the forest yet. But maybe we ought to include that.

Yeah, I think that's the upsell. Do deadlifts in the forest. That's the manliest thing that you can do. And, you know, I want to talk about masculinity, I want to talk about attacking goals. We're going to make fun of Lewis Howes, but before we go there, I want to hear you just. At least we all evaluate each other via social media. So I'm going to evaluate you via social media. And that is my perception of you, is you just seem to be attacking every area of life relentlessly. You have completely turned around your fitness, you've completely turned around your marriage, you've turned around your business. And the primary reason why I wanted you to have on is because we all got into this game because we wanted a better life. We all are after freedom, and myself included, tend to put the money piece as the primary thing we focus on in terms of freedom. And what you have exemplified is the other areas of life that need to be defined and attacked that are just as important as the financial piece. So would you talk a little bit about your transformation over the last few years and why you think you have had success in multiple areas of life, not just money?

I mean, the financial piece obviously is a huge component of this, but I look at it as a byproduct of everything else I'm doing with the work on myself. And I think that's the reality that I've come to, and the reality that a lot of men that we're working with see as well is that when you turn inwards, because I Think the money conversation, although it's valuable and it should be had, and everybody should try to make as much money as they possibly can in a moral and ethical and legal way. It's not. If you. If you make that the focus. It's the external focus. It's actually just the result of doing work on yourself. That's what I've noticed anyways. And so I'm making more money now than I ever have because I choose to focus on myself. And I'll talk specifically about what that means. But the more that we work on the skills to improve our lives, the more things start to fall into play, whether that's health, relationships, money, business, whatever it may be. So when I started this journey, I remember very, very specifically my two oldest boys. I came home from work one day and they pulled on my pant leg and they said, dad, let's go jump on the trampoline. And I remember vividly, like it was yesterday that I had to look him in the eye and say, sorry, boys, I can't. Like, I literally, at that point, could not. I was exhausted, I was fat, I was out of shape, I was overweight, I was lazy. And that was the moment when I saw the look of just sadness in their eyes that I'm like, man, something has to change. And the first thing that changed for me was I just. I went to the gym. There was a CrossFit gym opening up here in my hometown. And I thought, well, let's go try it out. And that was about four years ago. And I haven't missed 10 to 15% of the workouts. I mean, I've been that consistent in doing it. But what's really interesting is when you go to work on yourself, whether that's fitness or your relationships or just your mindset in general, like, all of the skills that are required to succeed in those areas translate to everything else. So discipline, commitment, dedication, consistency, grit, fortitude, resilience, all of those types of skills and virtues and abilities, they just produce results. And that's the bottom line, is like, I don't really have to focus on the money game as much as just focus on those virtues. And the money game takes care of itself. The health takes care of itself. The relationships take care of itself because you're focused on you and what you can control.

You know, James Altucher said the exact same thing on Freedom Fast Lane, where he talked about that. He feels like the money and the financial piece comes really easily when all other areas of life are dialed in. It's when the other Areas of life fall apart that it seems like the business and financial piece falls apart as well. And it sounds like you're saying the same thing.

Yeah, I mean, I think we have a tendency to force a lot of issues like, oh, I've just got to make the mortgage payment or I've got to start this business and succeed and thrive or. And that's true. I mean, as a man, quite honestly, that you've got some obligations. I do. I've got four kids, I've got a wife, I've got obligations in the community, I've got things to take care of that require money. And I could spend all of my time focused on how do I maximize every minute, every earning opportunity that I have. Or I can say how do I get right with myself? Like, how do I get my mindset right? Am I reading the right books? Am I consuming the right information? Am I listening to the right podcast? Am I surrounded by the right people? And I think once you begin to do that, you'll start to see changes in the result. It's the result. So what happens is so many people are goal oriented and that's great. Like you have this objective and this vision and this goal that you want. I do too. But most people's planning stops there. Like, I want to have a million dollars and I want to do X and I want to do Y. And yet what they never do is reverse engineer the process into the steps, the tactical steps they need to do every single day that will just inevitably produce the results without having to focus a lot of time, energy on it.

And for the person who's listening to this, that is in that spot, your fix was alright. First thing I had to do is go to the gym. What do you recommend to the guys in your brotherhood or to guys who write to you, who know that they want to start attacking at least different results? What's the first thing they should do?

I think again, I'm going back to that same answer. I think the gym is the best place to do it. And here's why. It's tangible, right? Because you can go into the gym, you can check it off the list, you know, when you've done it, if you haven't been to the gym or working out or exercising for any amount of time, the results that you experience are immediate. Like you, especially for men, you immediately start shedding the pounds. I mean, they just, they just melt away, especially up front. And then again, all of those skills are translatable into everything else. But not only does the gym and Exercise do things for you mentally but. Or excuse me, physically but mentally as well. I mean, it's amazing the clarity and the focus and the drive and the determination that come from getting my workout done in the morning and the energy that come from getting the workout done in the morning and then the rest of the day just seems to fall in line. So, yeah, start at the gym. It's the lowest hanging fruit. It produces the biggest results immediately and it does so much for your entire being.

Ryan, let's get a little bit controversial here because I think there's a trend going on in the world that I find very dangerous. And it's a trend that I think is going to cause a lot of problems if it continues. It is this trend of almost hiding, or I hate to use the word shaming, but almost stifling masculinity, of stifling that inner carnal masculine energy that I feel like is lacking, and I've talked about this publicly on the show, that I think this is a problem. This is a realization that really had a profound impact on me. And we've talked about it in other episodes, but it seems like the trend right now. And if even in looking at someone I respect, Lewis Howes, who, who, you know, wrote the book the Mask of Masculinity, there's toxic masculinity, which is what he references. But I don't hear anyone talking about the healthy masculinity that drives men and some women to attack things and to be present and to represent the polar opposite of what the feminine needs in order to be free. So that's my opinion. I would like to hear the overall viewpoint that you have because you have talked about this publicly as well.

I think that you and me are very much in line with this. I don't, I actually don't like the term toxic masculinity. I think it's just a made up term. I don't really think it has any weight behind it because masculinity by its very nature is not toxic. So to say that it is, is an oxymoron. Masculinity, when harnessed correctly and when utilized in society is a very, very powerful thing. And so we have a lot of people who will say, well, you know, we just had this shooting, for example, in Florida, and people will say, well, that's toxic masculinity. It's not, it's not masculinity at all. It's childlike behavior. It's, it's, it's behavior that was never harnessed and focused into this masculine energy. It was just the power, whatever, coursing through this young man's veins, but never really harnessed for a constructive outcome. And so it became destructive and violent. And I think this is what we're going to continue to see as society moves away from believing that masculinity is a noble and virtuous calling and a virtuous thing to be had by men into let's make everybody weak and soft and effeminate. And I'm not saying that negatively to, towards women at all because femininity is extremely valuable and much appreciated and much needed, but so is masculinity. And so to say that masculinity isn't needed or wanted or destructive I think is a very dangerous precedent because we strip away everything that allows men to be men. And what's really fascinating about this is nobody complains about toxic masculinity. We, when men step up to do what men do best. For example, you probably remember most people listening those fires last year in California. Well, nobody complained that men were going down and being men and leaving their families and sacrificing their livelihood and their lives, frankly, to fight these fires and to save homes and to save people. Nobody complained about masculinity when we had hurricanes down in Texas and Puerto Rico because thousands and thousands of men were pouring into the city donating their time and energy and resources into saving other people and saving these towns and these communities. Nobody complains about it. They only complain when things are going good. But the problem is things aren't always good. And as much as we as a society would love to believe in this like ideal utopia, it doesn't, it can't and it will never exist. And so men will always be needed to be able to fight and combat the threats that are knocking on our door. And so to dismiss it completely is very dangerous. To use the word that you used to.

Yeah.

And I think that that almost forced stifling or the message that is, is projected that it needs to be put away, parked away, that it's dangerous, does more harm than good. And I think that is what creates what I referred to as toxic masculinity, which is basically a cover up. It's, it's like a, it is, it is what you do to cover up insignificance and insecurity. That, that is, is where that comes from. But what is uncovered is.

Men and some women taking charge of their own life and going after their visions and stepping up and taking charge. So would you explain to me that difference and Would you explain to me, I think it's a problem that that gets stifled and it causes the opposite. Would you talk about what it looks like to live within that true core energy?

Sure, yeah. And, and the thing that I'd have to say to go, to start that conversation is that masculinity is bestowed. And, and what I mean by that is that there has to be men in boys lives to teach them how to harness that power. Because what happens if they don't get that is they don't know how to use that energy that's coursing through their vein in a constructive way. And it becomes dangerous, it becomes violent as we see and it unproductive. And so what happens is we see grown men, grown men who are still living with mommy and daddy in their basement playing video games. They're still blaming their boss, they're still blaming the economy, they're still blaming the president, they're still blaming their girlfriend or whatever for all of their life's problems because nobody has shown them how to take responsibility and accountability for themselves. The reason I talk about this is because I speak from experience. I grew up without a permanent father figure in my life. My mom, bless her heart and did a wonderful job, but she couldn't do the entire job because she's not a man. So there's things about me and my biology and the way that I'm made up that she will never fully understand. Fortunately for me, she understood that. She recognized that and did the best she could as a mother, but got me involved in sporting events and boy Scouts and boys types clubs and organizations because she saw that I needed that in constructive outlets. And I got that through playing football and playing baseball and the coaches that I still look to as somewhat of father figures. And that's where I learned to take accountability and responsibility for myself. And I forgot that for a lot of years in my life I was blaming my wife for marital problems. I was blaming the economy for my lack of business growth and revenue. But it really wasn't until I hit rock bottom where my wife left and we went through a separation that I realized, holy shit. Like I've got, I've got the power and there's nothing I can do about another person. But I've got power to control my own life. And so I went to work on myself. And as I did, and I let go of the excuses and I let go of the blame, man, I can't tell you how much more fulfilling and rewarding life is. Not easier. I think a lot of people can confuse that and think that if it's fulfilling, that it's easier. It's not easier. It's challenging. And it's a struggle at times. And every day I wake up and I'm excited some days, and other days I'm like, I don't want to do this. But that struggle and adversity and then owning it and recognizing that I have ultimate power over that is what makes life fulfilling. And that's. To your question, that's. That's what it feels like. What if you woke up and you just felt empowered every single day, that regardless of what could happen, that you could make something extraordinary out of your day? And you can only do that when you accept full responsibility for your life and your choices and the consequences of those choices.

There seems to me to be a paradox, the paradox of what we perceive as freedom being a lack of responsibility. And the truth is that if you're going to have freedom, it requires more responsibility. And people don't want to hear that. But freedom is not the absence of responsibility. It is you taking responsibility and you doing something with it. I'd like for you to comment on if you agree or disagree.

I completely agree. And that concept has been around for thousands of years. Aristotle said, through discipline comes freedom. Jocko Willink says, discipline equals freedom. Like, we've known this for thousands of years. And if you can impose your own set of parameters and your own set of rules and regulations, and you're the one deciding what those are, you liberate yourself to make the decisions and live the life that you want. If you don't do that, rules and regulations will be imposed upon you.

Right.

And you may or may not like what those are. Yeah, I would rather.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt, but. But I get fired up about this because responsibility doesn't go away. It just gets transferred.

Exactly.

It just. If you don't take responsibility for something, it doesn't make it go away. It just transfers it onto something else, which you might not like the authority that decides to take charge of that responsibility. And I think that is the trend that I fear most, which is people slush off responsibility and hand it to things like governments and say, please, oh, please take care of me or keep me safe or prevent someone else from doing something. And we might not like what happens when we give that power to someone else.

Well, I mean, here's one example I hear all the time is people say, well, my boss is an asshole. And I have. I have two thoughts on that. Number one if you think your boss is an asshole, which could. Could be valid. Like, he or she genuinely could be an asshole.

He may be, but you're.

You're working for them. So, like, you've been. You've. You've restricted yourself to that. And when I say that, they're like, well, you know, I can. I've got to take care of my family. I've got to good, Save up some money, learn a new skill, get a new job, start a business. There's so much you can do. But when you say that you can't advance in your career because your boss is an asshole or he's playing politics, and yet you handcuff yourself and say, there's nothing I can do about it, like, what do you expect? I mean, just be prepared to live like that the rest of your life. The other thing that I always get a kick out of is when people say that, but they say it about not their current boss, but their current boss and the boss before and the boss before and the boss before. I'm like, you are the only common denominator in this equation here. So is it truly that your boss is that way, or is it that you are that way? And so you can continue to blame him or her about all of your life struggles and problems and lack of career advancement? Or. Or you can just say, you know what? Maybe it's me. Like, maybe I show up to work and do just the bare minimum to get by. Maybe I'm the one who's not exerting myself. Maybe I'm the one who's not a team player. Maybe I'm the one who's not adding value to my clients and my employer's life. And if you took that approach, even if the statement about your boss being a jerk is true, if you took that approach, it would revolutionize your life.

So yesterday I had a rough day. Ryan. And I had a rough day because one of my companies basically got a financial statement that I didn't like, and it put me into a bit of a negative spiral. And my reaction was, I wanted to blame anyone but myself. I wanted to blame an employee. I wanted to blame the marketplace. I wanted to blame a copywriter. I wanted to blame anybody except the man in the mirror. And so I did this. This kind of trying to find the core of the problem. It was this team member. Oh, who hired that team member? I did. And this copy, who approved that copy? I did. Well, who released this product in this marketplace? I did. And so it came down to, okay, once I Took ownership of the reality of the situation rather than running from it. Now I have something to do, and I can do something about the situation and change it, mold it to what I want it to be in any area of life. Now, Ryan, we talked a little bit about the need for masculinity to be bestowed upon someone else, and I would like for you to comment.

You talk about your own story, I talk about my own story. Do other people biologically have a difference from us? Do some people just respond differently? Because obviously not all men or women have this opinion. So are some people just different.

With regards to it being bestowed or when I.

When it comes to masculinity, masculine feminine energies, do some people just fall on a different part of the spectrum?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, masculinity and femininity is.

I hesitate using the word sliding scale because that gets into the gender conversation and things like that, which I don't necessarily mean right now, but what I'm saying is that we all have differing levels of masculinity and femininity coursing through our veins. I personally tend to be more masculine. I lean heavy to that side. But that doesn't mean that a more feminine man can't behave like a man. And so I've defined a man as somebody who's a accountable and responsible for themselves, but then also a protector, a provider, and a presider. And how each and every one of us do those things is different. Although the underlying responsibilities to go to that, that conversation we were having is the same. Protect, provide, preside. Again, the way we go about doing that, the way we approach it, the work that we do. I'll take, for example, let's just take opposite ends of the spectrum here. I think of a, say, a professional football player who, let's just for the sake of argument, say that that's obviously somebody who's going to be very masculine, right, Just by the nature of the work he's doing. And then you take on the opposite end of the spectrum. Let's take a man who happens to.

Be a dancer. Well, that would probably. Most people, I think, would consider the artistic side more feminine. But that doesn't make either one of them them less or more to protect, provide and preside. And both the NFL football player and the professional dancer can do that. So, yeah, we have the sliding scale, but again, we've got certain obligations, responsibilities that we need to fulfill.

So, Ryan, when you're working inside, the men within your brotherhood, the men who are looking to make some sort of a change in their life. What do you usually guide them through in order to start taking the steps that they need to take in order to get the results that they want.

So the thing that I've developed over my life that's really been helpful is what I call a battle plan. And a battle plan is a 12 week or a 90 day planning process that's going to help you identify.

Objectives, 90 day objectives in four key areas of your life. So the first thing that we would need to do is start to create a vision around these four things. So the first one is calibration. So that's yourself, your mind, your soul, your spirituality, and just getting right with yourself. Next is connection and relationships you have, whether it's intimate and romantic relationships or a relationship like you and I have with regards to this podcast, the friendships, the colleagues, the coworkers. The next is condition, which is your physical health. And the fourth component of this is contribution, which is you being a man of value, adding to the world, enhancing to your career, enhancing to your community. So what I walk guys through, first and Foremost is a 90 day vision in each one of those categories. If you had your quote unquote condition in check, what would life look like? What would you look like? What would you be experiencing? How much energy would you have? What type of sleep would you be getting? What type of sex would you be having? This is the vision that we focus on first. Now that we've got a clear vision, then we come up with an objective. And it's a very clear cut, specific 90 day objective. And I'll use condition again. Let's say that your health objective, your condition objective in the next 90 days is to lose 30 pounds. That's very clear, that's very focused. You tie it back to your vision, which is, okay, why do I want to lose £90 or, excuse me, £30? For me, it was so that I can bounce on the trampoline with my kids, right? And I could see myself outlasting my kids on the trampoline. So now we've got the vision. Then we work backwards into objective now, and this is the most important thing. We start to focus on what I call tactics. And tactics are the very measurable, very specific actions that you can take on a daily basis that will inevitably produce the result that you're after. So we'll use the condition one again. I want to lose 30 pounds in 90 days so I can run around with my kids outside and jump on the trampoline and we can have fun and do the thing. The tactics for that, I'm going to work out every day for 45 minutes. I am going to remove processed sugars from my diet completely, and I am going to drink half my body weight in ounces of water per day. I'm just using those as examples now. I literally check those three things off every single day. Did I do this? Check. Did I do this? Check. Did I do this? Check? And if I didn't, I don't check it off. So now I actually have a very, very tangible strategy for accomplishing the things that I want to accomplish in each one of those areas.

So you work, you work with people inside of the brotherhood on those 90 day sprints, is that correct?

Yeah, yeah, we do. In fact, starting next month, I'm telling the guys to work on their plans now, because starting next month is the first of the second quarter. So we're gonna, we're gonna get back into our, our new battle plans. Our new 90 day plans.

Yeah. What's. What's so fascinating? The reason I ask is because there's every high performer that teaches a model on optimal performance follows a 90 day plan with daily habits that make getting to those targets inevitable. So it's just fascinating that. That you follow the, the exact same.

Roadmap you recently Ryan on that. If I can share something on that too, is one of the things that we talked about. I even think we talked about this before we hit record on the podcast was this ide consistency. And what I see is people. People listen to your show all the time. They listen to my show all the time. They get hopped up and hyped up for a week or a month or a quarter or whatever it may be, and they do it very well for a week or a month or 12 weeks. And then it just kind of gradually fades away because what they're doing is they're measuring their OR or determining whether they stay on this course of action by the results that they're producing. And so, oh, man, I didn't lose 30 pounds. Well, I suck. And this isn't for me. And so I'm just going to go back to eating whatever I want versus measuring success and failure based on the small steps that you're taking every day. So I measure today and I think, okay, did I accomplish my tactics? If yes, then I won the day. Regardless, I won the day. And tomorrow I get to get back up and I get to do the same thing tomorrow as I did today. And the results, like, that's just in the back of my. It's going to take Care of itself. It's just. Frankly, it's just a matter of time before that stuff manifests itself, because I'm doing the steps that I know will produce the results because it's proven to work in other people's lives. So it's certainly going to work in my life.

Amen to that, brother. I want to ask you about sovereignty, but first I want to ask you about the.

Area that you put in there. I think you called it connection, the piece that binds us together. And you say in Sovereignty, the book that you recently released that.

Sovereignty. Sovereignty.

What did I call it?

Sovereignty, Maybe. Yeah.

Okay. I just. Sorry, I don't speak English well, but the.

You say. You say in the book that this is not a call for men to go their own way. It is a call for men to become fully the men they're meant to be and who they're responsible for. And that piece that is connection, that piece that is binding us all together, is so missing right now because we're behind screens, because we're championing causes on our own. And I'm curious, from a tactic or habits perspective, how is it that you are encouraging men to fill up the connection bucket or the relationship bucket? Because we as men tend to be lonely and isolate ourselves. So what do you do about that?

Yeah, so the word that I would use here is intentionality and being deliberate. And what I found is that most men, and we talked about this earlier, and most people, I think in general, are very deliberate about their money, for example, and a lot of people are very deliberate about the results they're producing in the gym. Why? Because it's tangible. Like, it's easy to see. If my bank, at my bank account is larger today than it was yesterday, then I'm on the right track. Or if the scale says I'm less than I was yesterday or I lifted more weights than I did yesterday, then I'm on the right track. So keep doing that. But it's harder to. To quantify a successful relationship. Like, how do you measure being a good dad? I want to be a good dad. Great. What does that even mean? Or I want to be a good husband. Okay, cool. Welcome to the club. But what does that actually mean? So what we do is we don't even focus on it because we don't. We can't even find it. So I use intentionality in my relationship. So rather than being a quote unquote, good husband, I need to quantify what that actually looks like. Well, a good husband communicates in the way that his Wife appreciates every single day. So that might mean that I'm going to make a commitment to leave my wife a note or send her a text throughout the day, or send her an email and tell her love her or whatever. Whatever your wife or husband responds to. If it's the business relationships, I mean, I can look at the board I've got right in front of my computer right here, and I've got a list of potential. I've got three lists, potential podcast guests. The second column is the relationships that I want to continue to develop and foster over time. And then the third part is the brands that I want to work with and communicate with and learn more about and partner with. Well, that's intentionality. I'm being deliberate. Like, I'm focused, and I'm very clear about what I want. Exactly. Like, very specifically what I want. If it comes to being a better father. Great. What does that mean? Well, for me, it means spending one on one time each and every week with my children. And so I've identified what that is. I've identified the activities they enjoy, and now I merely plug it into the equation. And some people look at and they think, oh, that's. That's cold. Or that's robotic. No, it's not. It actually means that I care that I've focused enough time and energy into creating a system to ensure that the people in my life I care about get noticed, get recognized, and get some of my time. That's not calculated. That's deliberate.

That's love.

That's. That's giving people what they want and letting them know they're a priority. So we've got to be very intentional. Not about our business and our health only, but also the relationships we have.

I feel like this is so timely right now, with all of the noise and the nonsense about who we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to show up in the world. Very few people are talking about what it really looks like to reclaim your power and to live a life that is free and responsible and that matters and has meaning. And so I want people to go get it, and I want people to follow Ryan at the Order of Man podcast. You've been killing it, man. I got another secrets to your success, which I think is a lot of consistency in setting those goals and following them. I just want to publicly acknowledge all that you do over there. Congratulations on everything that you're up to, Ryan.

I really appreciate it, man. You've been a big part of this and a mentor, whether, you know that or not. I followed you and look at what you're doing. And man, I'm inspired by you every day. So I appreciate what you're doing as well.

Thanks, Ryan.

One of the things I really appreciated about what Ryan said was the misunderstanding of the phrase toxic masculinity, because real masculinity is not that egoic approach that is so often stereotyped in today's world. Again, I really think that the world's problems could be solved if men were just real men. And real men are leaders and they're respectful and they make decisions and they take responsibility. These are things that are missing from today's world. And I think when that, when that doesn't happen, it creates a gap and that has to be filled by somebody else. Responsibility doesn't go away, it just gets shifted. And so if we create a world or an expectation where we're not responsible or there's not an expectation of responsibility, that responsibility gets transferred somewhere. Sometimes it gets transferred to government, sometimes it gets transferred to other people, sometimes it gets transferred to other members of your family. And now they have to play a role that they didn't want to play or they shouldn't have to play. The more responsibility you have or that you take, the more freedom you are in control of. And so you can either transfer your freedom to someone else or you can hold on to it and earn it through responsibility. I believe we need more of that in the world. There is not a. There is, there's a perception that freedom is sometimes the absence of responsibility, but there is, there is not that connection. It's the opposite. In order to have more freedom, you must take more responsibility. And I think we have misunderstood that and we have given people fantasy that you don't have to take responsibility. But what that does, it just transfers it to somebody else. I know that this is sensitive to talk about. I know that not everyone agrees with me on this analysis. So I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter. Ryan Moran Instagram ryandaniel Moran or let me know along with all the other crazy YouTube comments. Just search my name on YouTube. As always, I appreciate you listening and giving me the opportunity to share things that I'm passionate about here on the show and I look forward to chat with you on the next episode.

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