The New Psychology That Leads to Entrepreneurial Success | David Bayer

Your brain doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. It's a really cool moment in personal growth. We're starting to understand through neuroscience and through behavioral psychology how the system functions, how we operate within reality. If I was going to distill down all of, if you want to call it personal growth into one equation, it is desire, technology.

That's the master key for playing the game. This is an emotional game. We're not really taught to navigate life emotionally, we're taught to navigate life intellectually. But the beautiful thing is that entrepreneurship, if you truly want to be successful at it and achieve those big goals in a sustainable way, that also creates joy. Those decisions to do call you forth into a healing journey to become whole again. The time, the money, the strategies will come and are the natural byproduct of non resistance.

David, I want to start by reading my favorite part of your book. A Change Mind was one of my favorite books that I've read in the last year. Recommended it to many people, but this is the part that I might get a tattoo of. It says by deciding and imagining without the prerequisite of how your brain evolves into the brain of someone who has already accomplished their desires. And that brain change catalyzes the thoughts, ideas, perceptions and synchronicities that become the bridge between where you are right now and your future imagined by deciding and imagining without the prerequisite. And how, how does someone decide without the prerequisite of how?

Well, first of all, I love that that's your, one of your favorite passages because I think it's, it's central to the idea of creating powerfully and really like liberating ourselves from this presupposition that we need to know how before we can just decide. And so part of it is just understanding how it works. I reference a study that was done in at Harvard, featured in time magazine in 2009, where they brought in piano players to play the piano and they observed what parts of their brain lit up. And then they had them just come back in and imagine playing the piano. Same parts of the brain lit up. And so we learned that your brain doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. But what's happening is every time you experience reality, you're recording reality and you're building memories, you're building neural networks in your brain. And so if that's true, which it is, neuroscience shows us that it is, then we can actually imagine a future that hasn't happened yet. And so as you start to just kind of go down, that Small rabbit hole. It's like, oh, wow. Okay. So I can build memories of a future that haven't happened. It reminds me of that movie Arrival. I don't remember the movie really well, but I think it's Jodie Foster who's in that movie, and she starts communicating with the aliens and the way their language works. She can see the future. When you start to understand how the technology works of the human being, you start to become aware of the fact that, like, someone somewhere said, you need to know how before you can accomplish something. And that was like the great Putting the cart before the horse. Hmm.

That's an interesting idea of. That is a suggestion that someone put in us that we needed to know how before we do it.

Yeah.

That's actually a belief.

It's a belief. This is where you really get into, I think, this next.

Evolution of where personal growth is going or.

Where people are getting stuck and what's beyond where they're stuck is not just your beliefs. Like, okay, I have a limiting belief that I'm not enough or money scarce or there's not enough time. But, like, our beliefs about needing to know the how before we decide. Right. Like, our beliefs around reality. And so it's a really cool moment in personal growth because we're starting to understand through neuroscience and through behavioral psychology, how the system functions. And that's opening up a new understanding which is shifting our beliefs around how we operate within reality. But, you know, this stuff was in the wisdom teachings. I wish I could reference it right now, but I think it's in Job. I'm not like, one of those guys that can just like, lift scripture off the top.

I went to school to be a pastor, so you're in good company.

But there's something in Job that basically says.

The moment that you believe, the light shines upon the path that you should take to produce the outcome. So, like, literally, scripture is saying is just decide, and the how comes later. So all of this stuff is, you know, is written down in the wisdom teachings.

What do you think is the difference between imagining and deciding?

Well, I think I might mention somewhere in the book that I think they're close to synonymous.

You do?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. I think, you know, if. If I decide that I'm good enough.

I think there's a. There at some level, whether it's conscious or subconscious, there's a reaction that takes place in the brain that starts to stack evidence or build evidence or imagine me being good enough. You know, the moment I decide that I'm going to Be healthy and fit and in the most vibrant shape of my life. There's some image that's created.

There's.

And so the decision and the imagination are very closely related.

You say in the book that beliefs are decisions. Could you explain that a little bit?

Yeah. If we look at how beliefs are formed, what's a belief? A belief is a meaning that we give an experience. We're born with about 100 billion neurons and about 25 billion synaptic connections. So.

You come in wired for the survival piece. The eating, the sleeping, the breathing, the autonomic nervous system, it's all built into the system system. And then we're given this blank template that we can build out. Because when you're. By the time you reach the age of seven, you've still got 100 billion neurons, but you've got about a quadrillion synaptic connection. So you build out this massive mainframe of information, which is your brain. And a great part of that information is the. Is the building of memories of the experiences of your life. And so literally, moment by moment by moment by moment, you're ingesting all of this data through your five senses. Everything that you see, everything you smell, everything you taste, you touch, you hear, and it's compiling memories. So the first time that you experienced a dog, that information gets compiled into a set of neurosynaptic connections. But the other thing that gets installed into that structure is the meaning that you give that experience when it occurs. So dogs are dangerous versus dogs are friendly, or money causes problems, or which.

Would you describe that as an emotional connection more than a mental connection? This is something that I debate within myself. Is that the thoughts that create the feelings, or do the feelings create the thoughts? And is probably yes.

And I think it probably is yes. And because we could. We can look at our own experience of it. And I think it's. This is. Val. This is such. Such a great question and such a valuable introspection to have. Like, how do I function? What comes first? Is it the thought or is it the emotion? I. I am. I imagine that there are many things that many meanings I applied to situations and circumstances because I heard my parents say it. So they said it, so it must be true. Right? And so. So there's a thought that's driving the meaning. But I can also imagine that if I was supposed to meet my little buddy in first grade by the drinking fountain and they didn't show up, that there could be an emotional experience of that and then an attempt to explain the emotional Experience, like, I can't trust people.

Right? Yeah. So I debate this within myself, and I even ran some of the exercises from your book on myself, went through them, and as I practiced them, there would be either an emotion that came up that would be limiting or a thought that would come up to be limiting. And playing with those two is really interesting for me because my current working theory is that people make their decisions and their beliefs emotionally, and then they justify them with logic. So we like to debate logic. If I'm debating from my side of the political aisle against somebody who's on the other side of the political aisle, I'm debating logic and pieces of evidence that I have accumulated to justify an emotion. And so we're yelling at each other these facts and figures when we're really making our decisions emotionally. So it's kind of a waste. So for the person who feels limited or is limited on how much money they want to make, the business that they want to create, can you create a different reality or start to see a different reality with logic, with intent, or is there an emotion underneath that is actually driving the show? This is what I kind of wrestle with.

Well, what I like about it is I think it's a yes. And so it gives us multiple access points to change. And my work started out, or the work that I'm teaching, it's not really mine.

Well, it's a beautiful conglomeration of Abraham Hicks and friend Brooke Castillo and Byron Katie. It seems to be.

Synthesized from all of these different sources, which are universal truths.

And even more so, like, I'm familiar with Abraham, I'm not familiar with the other two. The light bulb wasn't Edison's. The light bulb exists as a concept in the field of consciousness.

And Edison was able to tune into it. So none of the information that any of us are communicating is our information.

We're just receiving it and transmitting it based on field theory and the theory of how consciousness functions. But so anyway, this. That my initial approach to sharing the information was very psychologically oriented. Right. With tools like the decision matrix, it's like, let's identify the thought. Let's understand how this works. Let's come up with a new thought. Let's find evidence for the new thought.

So let's. Let's play with this, David, because I think the decision matrix is the most succinct summary of all personal development I've ever come across. Can kind of summarize all of personal development in about two or three paragraphs with the decision matrix. And so I Want you to walk me through this process and we're going to take this from the perspective of I want to build a nine figure net worth. So this is what we're going to play with. This is the decision and the reality that I want to create. Walk me through how we would apply the decision matrix to this desire that I have and that a lot of people have of building a nine figure net worth.

Just as a footnote, before we even get to the decision matrix, I think in order to create something that's sustainable, it needs to be in alignment with what we would call a spiritual vision. Like a reason for the nine figures in the business.

Money is energy, it's currency. It moves through the system of reality. Just like all energy moves to diversify, to expand, to grow.

It's inherent within the essence of who we are. It's in the, we can see it within the structure of the cosmos. The an expansion, there's a diversification. And so I think to, to truly create wealth and to create it in a sustainable way, there should be a purpose to it. And, and so, and for some people the purpose may be some enthusiasm for just making money. But most people want to get out of financial insecurity. That's why they want to make money. And I don't think that that is a justification that's in alignment for how money functions.

Well, well put.

Right. But so now let's say, you know, I, I believe that I'm going to create. I'll use myself as an example. I believe that I'm going to create a multi billion dollar portfolio of transformational companies. I have a reason for it, it's in alignment with my spiritual vision. And so the first decision is I'm going to create a multi billion dollar portfolio of transformational companies. I'm going to create a nine figure business. Ten figure business. That's great. That's a decision to do, that's a task, it's a goal. And those things are helpful.

And I think that making a decision to.

I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm actually, I just want to share with you what I'm processing hearing you say this because I can actually feel like my brain shifting in the perspective and I'm getting this feeling of excitement as we're talking about it. The fact that you framed it as a thing to do.

Brought me this excitement. I feel it right here and I'm like, that's so beautiful because I think for a lot of us we set this goal and then our whole life becomes figuring out the how we're going to do this goal and it might be that. That's me. Anyway. Okay, we have this goal. I want to buy the Cleveland Guardians. I will now dedicate my life to figuring out the how I will accomplish this goal. When you stated as I'm going to build a multi 10 figure portfolio of businesses and it's a thing to do, it's just like a decision.

Instead of this journey that you're going to go on, it felt much lighter. And that freed me up in my brain to say, okay, how do I want to do this? How would I like to do this? What would be the most energizing way to accomplish this? And so just hearing you describe it in this way is causing me to reconfigure a bit. Yeah, I just wanted to share that as you were going through.

No, I appreciate that.

It could be anything. You know, it's like finding our soulmate, improving our health, building a nine figure, ten figure business. So in that instance, we're talking about a decision to do something, but the opportunity or the real work is, is to function at the level of the decisions about things. So you can make a decision to go build a nine figure business, but if your decision about yourself is that you're not worthy, that's going to be a problem. If your decision about money is that it's hard to make, that's going to muck up your capacity to do. And so the real work is, hey, I have a goal, but let me take a look at what resistance that I might have around that goal. All the decisions that I've made about time, about money, about sacrifice, about myself, those are actually the root cause of the end result that you're looking for, which is the nine figure business. So that's where the work is. In fact, I believe that our dreams and our goals inspire us into the resistance that's wanting to be transformed into the healing that's wanting to take place. Because you cannot produce the desired result as long as the resistance is still there. So like the journey of entrepreneurship, you know, my in one, in one hand, I think you could look at it as my desire to build a multibillion dollar portfolio of transformational companies is what compels me to do the real work, which is actually to transform the generational trauma to start to develop a deeper relationship with my higher power, to start to want money. Not for money's sake, but for whatever I put the money to use's sake. Like entrepreneurship, if you truly want to be successful at it and achieve those Big goals in a sustainable way that also creates joy. Those decisions to do call you forth into a healing journey to become whole again. That's the way I look at it. And so you're the degree to which you become whole as you run into the resistance which are all the decisions about life on your way to accomplish the thing. Like that's the structure of the game. I don't know if I'm being clear there.

Yeah. I want to clarify where you were going with the decision to create $100 million net worth must be in alignment with the compelling vision. And for me what came up was the statement of I want to be so excited about what I want to bring to this world that I do the work required in order to lead that up to a nine figure network.

Yes.

And so that's my first reaction to why do I want this? What I really want is I want to be so excited about what I'm doing that I can't help but wake up and go produce in alignment with a nine figure vision. And so that that has emotional juice to it. And so from there, where would you walk me through the decision matrix?

Well, we need to take a look at your butts. So you've made a decision to build a nine figure business. What do you believe about building a nine figure business?

Yeah. So first step of a decision matrix. Decide what you want to be real and then what comes up in the butts immediately I say but I don't have a project right now that I'm that juiced up about. But I'm getting older, but I don't exactly know how yet. But I'm not sure if I'm talented enough to do that. But who knows how long I'll live in order to see that play out.

Right.

But I have kids. Comes up, those are, those are the buts that come up right away.

Yeah. So now, and that, that is the beginning of the structure of any coaching conversation we would have. We would say what do you want? I want to build a nine figure business. And we would say, well, what's the problem? And you say, well, the problem is all those things that you just said. And what we find is that within the list of the problems, our belief systems that are limiting belief systems and the challenge is that your brain is a goal achieving machine and it's functioning off of your beliefs. So if you believe that you're too old to create a nine figure business, then that will become true for you. Right. If you believe that you can't build a nine figure Business. If you're also raising your kids because there's a certain amount of time, then that will be true for you. And so the first step of our process in this three step process is let's inventory the resistance of the beliefs.

Yeah. I actually wrote down the word resistance. That the buts that we have are our resistance.

Yes.

You have this quote that I love, which is that desire minus resistance, desire.

Plus non resistance plus non resistance.

Okay.

Why that's okay. You're adding a multiplication.

I had it in my brain as desire without resistance equals the goal achieved.

Yeah. Equals desired result. Yeah. I think if I was going to distill down all of, if you want to call it personal growth into one equation, it is desire plus non resistance equals desired result. It's so, to me, it's so beautiful because that's the master key for playing the game. But what we were taught was desire plus hustle and grind equals desire result or desire plus have enough time or money equals desired result. So if you don't have, or it doesn't seem like you have time or money, then you can't produce the desired result. But the beautiful thing is that the time, the money, the strategies will come and are the natural byproduct of non resistance. And so that flips the whole game on its head. Now you're like, okay, I know what I want. Let me look at my resistance to what I want and let me acquire some tools to actually transform that resistance.

Yes.

And the tool that we're talking about is the decision matrix.

This makes total sense to me. So we have my target now. We've identified my resistance. All the buts that exist for why this might be hard or take a long time or be challenging. What do we do with the butts? Kick me in the butts, David.

Sure. So that first step of the decision matrix says we found the buts. And in the decision matrix, the next step is, well, if that's, if that's a limiting belief.

And it's not congruent with the outcome that you want to produce, because beliefs are decisions. Going back to the distinction that you shared, you can just make a new decision. And so in the second step of the process, we would say, well, okay, well then what's some form of the opposite of that? You know, I don't have enough time. Might be I have all the time I need.

Instead of, I'm getting older, it's, I'm really freaking young.

Well, it's it. And we can dissect the resistance a little bit more in that first step to limiting belief. Because I would say, well, tell me more about what you mean around getting older and how that relates to you being able to create a nine figure business.

And I'd say I don't have the energy. I once had some. Sometimes I feel like the desire to kill, it just isn't as strong as it was when I was 25.

I'm, I'm a little bit content. Like a little. Sometimes I, I worry I'm fat and happy. Like I had some accomplishments. I don't feel that drive to go build something amazing. And that is not really in alignment with building a nine figure net worth.

So what I hear you saying is that in order to build a nine figure worth, you have to have the drive that you had when you were a 25 year old to go and kill it and you can't be fat and happy. Is that correct?

Well, when you say it like that, I say no.

But this is really interesting, right, because you know, we teach a distinction called the two states of being, which is that you're either in a powerful state or a primal state. And the only thing that moves you into a primal state are your own thoughts. And so when you think to yourself, I have to have the vitality of a 25 year old and go kill it and I can't be fat and happy, which I am, and create a nine figure business, does that move you into a powerful state or a primal state?

Primal state.

Primal state. And what we discovered, which again I think is such a breakthrough, at least for me in my own personal growth, is that 100% of the time the thinking that moves you into a primal state is untrue. And so then the decision matrix and that step two process says, well then what must be true? Well wait a minute. So then what must be true is I don't need the vitality and want to go kill it as a 25 year old and, and I can be fat and happy and produce a nine figure business. And that's the second part of the decision matrix, right? You're coming up with a new decision. You can be fat and happy and create a nine figure business. You don't have to have the drive of a 25 year old and you can create a nine figure business. So this is the new belief. And then the third part of the process is what evidence do you have? Because we're going to source this from your own life. I'm not going to convince you, but what evidence do you have for the fact that this is true? That you, Ryan Moran, can create a nine figure business and acquire a sports team without having the kill it mentality of a 25 year old while being fat and happy.

Well, one, everyone I know who has a nine figure business is older than me.

That's great.

So there's that.

Right.

And.

Most of the people that I know who are acquiring businesses, investing in sports teams, doing big things are both older than me and richer than me. And they would probably call themselves a little bit fat happy.

Yeah. Yeah. And what we start to see is the problem is not that.

Yeah, that's really good.

The problem is not that you're fat and happy. The problem is you believe that if you're fat happy, you can't create a nine figure business.

Yeah.

And so what I appreciate about this process as well is I didn't convince you of anything.

You have the evidence stored in the trillions of connections in your brain that not only can you be fat and happy and create a nine figure business.

But that's actually the way for you to create a nine figure business. But, but you've been ignoring that evidence because it doesn't support your primary thesis, which is, I'm getting older. I don't have the drive I had before. I need that type of drive as motivation.

Yeah.

Right. And so you're seeing for yourself that this unintelligent thinking that you have is actually unintelligent. That's the shift. Right. It's like, wow, oh, awesome. I'm right where I need to be. I've accumulated all of these years of knowledge and experience, just like the other guys that I look to who have built these nine figure businesses and acquiring sports teams and they're fat and happy. Oh my God. Like I'm, I'm not that far away actually from where I want to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That feels a lot better.

Because it's true.

Right?

Because it's true. And so this goes back to something you asked before too. This is an emotional game. We're not really taught to navigate life emotionally, we're taught to navigate life intellectually. And one of the things that occurs in our, when we're doing coaching, I'm not actually listening for the most part to what you're saying. I'm listening to how what you're saying feels to me. And when, and I'm looking for the thing that feels the worst to me, then I pay attention to what you're saying. And that's where we surgically dive in. Right. Because I'm just feeling the way through the conversation. What feels good is in alignment. What doesn't feel good, that's where there's some misperception taking place. And the nervous system is reflecting back that misperception by moving you into a primal state. It's not resonant with a reality that's comprised of energy that is possibility and all possibilities and working to support us in our greatest growth, our greatest prosperity and our greatest evolution. Anytime we start to believe something that's contrary to that, the system is responding almost like a lie detector test by moving you into a primal state.

So once I have identified my resistance, the next step in the decision matrix is to find contrary evidence.

Step one is the limiting belief, which is the resistance. Step two is make basically an equal and opposite decision.

Right? I can't be fat and happy. I can be fat and happy. Now it gets more nuanced the more masterful you become with the tool. But this is just sort of the missionary style explanation of it. It's like straightforward and boring. I, I can't be fat and happy and create a nine figure. I can be happy, fat and happy. That's the second step. The third step is what evidence do you have for the fact that it's true? And sometimes that requires some support because you might say, hey, I don't have time. I understand how much time I have in a day. I've got my kids, I've got my current business, I've got my obligations, I've got this, I've got that. You know, there's only 24 hours in a day, Dave. You know, I mean, somebody can't, you know, build a nine figure business with two hours a day. Like, I'm just not willing to buy into that. I can't believe it. And so I would then say, okay, you might need some, some coaching support on that. So the limiting belief, it sounds like the thing that's moving into a primal ST is I don't have enough time to create a nine figure business. And the new decision would be, well, I have all the time I need to create a nine figure business. And we'd say, well, what evidence do you have for the fact that that's true? That's the third step. And so this is where we get into really those deeper beliefs around reality. Most people think time matters. I don't. I put all of the time emphasis on timing.

Like you can't outwork timing.

Someone coming to you with a business opportunity to invest early on in Uber and take a 3% stake for $600,000. That's timing. Right. And so I'm more interested in mastering timing. I don't give a about time.

Do you think timing is a skill that can be developed?

Timing is in direct correlation with non resistance.

So you, you effectively activate timing more efficiently when you're living from a powerful state.

I believe that intellectually. But could you give me an example?

Yeah, I mean just a very mundane example would be okay, what do I want? I want to find my.

I'm sorry to cut you off.

Go ahead.

Because I'm. I'm thinking of an example in my life being at an event and meeting someone that I admired. And he turned to his left and said hey, you should meet this other guy. He's as young as you are. Cause we were the two youngest people in the event. Didn't know this person. He went on to be my business partner. We started a business together, sold it for a bunch of money. Very fortuitous. Like I could not have gone into that experience with the I'm going to meet the business partner that I'm gonna make a bunch of money with. It just happened. It was timing. But this idea that you could not manufacture it but be better at it.

This I want to believe that's true.

I would probably rephrase that as we dive into this together and say you avail yourself to it more when you're non resistant. You make yourself unavailable to it when you're in resistance. And if you think about how timing works, timing isn't a conscious thing. There are all these unconscious micro decisions you make on a daily basis. What time you notice that you have to pee and then you pee. But depending on what time you notice or your system makes you aware that impacts what time you leave to go pick up your kid from school or how many blueberries you put in your shake determines when you run out and have to go back to the store.

Yeah, or, yeah or, or, or.

And all of those things stack up to what time you arrive in an event and what seats are available at the event and then which seat you choose. See, most people think they chose that seat. You didn't choose that seat. Your destiny chose that seat. Your unconscious programming based on everything you believed determined whether or not you sat down in a seat next to somebody who's going to become a business partner you make millions with. Or somebody who's going to be really excited to be one of your high paying clients who ghosts you on the follow up call. Because all of those experiences reflect back to us the belief that generated that decision in the first place.

You think that there is a way to influence that and play with that. You think that our beliefs and habits influence the serendipitous moments that come our way?

Yeah, again, sort of a silly example of it, but we could throw it up against more robust examples is, you know, I want to meet my soulmate and she walks by or she shows up at a coffee shop. But because I'm in a primal state in my head thinking I'm not good enough and worried about something that happened at work, I don't notice her. So that's a missed timing opportunity. You know, think about all the coordination I can imagine sometimes, you know, as I personify the system, all the angels and gods and the helpers who are coordinating everything and making everything happen like shit, man, get out of your head. You know how hard it was to deliver her to that coffee shop at that time. Right. So, and then as it turns out, what we seem to create.

In terms of timing, because it's not that timing doesn't exist when we're in resistance, but we create shit we don't want. That's what happens. Timing is always functioning, but, but you can create more of what you want and it just kind of makes sense. Right. When your thoughts are aligned with it. When you're in non resistance, your unconscious mind is supporting you and lining up these circumstances and situations to produce the results that are in alignment with the empowered beliefs that you have. And so we, you know, we call it miracles or synchronicity or coincidence, but there's an intelligence mainframe that's functioning through all of us around all of us, coordinating the whole structure. Just like there's an intelligence in our body that's coordinating all the different pieces. It's like this is, you know, organism earth and everything's being coordinated. I think that's actually one of the great mysteries of Christianity or any monotheistic faith is like how could the system, or if we describe it as God, be so individually focused on us that based on what we believe, everything gets coordinated to reflect back to us those beliefs and do that with all of us simultaneously? Right. That, that's really a mind blowing type of idea.

I believe that to be true. But even from a lot, just a more base level logical perspective, one of my beliefs is that you can build almost any business to be successful and profitable and you can also talk your way out of just about any idea being successful and profitable. And so if you're operating with this belief of I'm going to build a nine figure business, I could probably apply that to any project that's in front of me right now. And if I really believed that my supplement company is a nine figure business, well, I'm going to show up AS and network AS and I'm going to write copy as and I'm going to pursue opportunities as if I'm building a nine figure opportunity. But if I doubt that that's going to work, I'm probably going to hedge my bets and be defensive and create that reality. Because it is not the business so much as it is my beliefs about the business that determine the actions that I will take that create that business.

Yeah.

So even from like a basic practical behavioral psychology standpoint. Right. And I could do the same thing with any other project that's in front of me or any girl that I meet being the one or not the one or. And we could do this forever. It's just striking me that the beliefs about that matter more than the outside circumstance. And what you're adding to it is there probably is some sort of system mainframe computer that is acting on our behalf that we can't physically see, but probably is there on more woo woo level that is acting as a co creator in that process. You don't like that I called it woo Woo?

No, I don't mind that you called it woo woo as. Look, this could be a God Sibo effect. I don't think it is for me. But I think the belief in a higher power and the establishment of what one might describe as a personal relationship with a higher power.

For me has been essential.

For a long time. I operated with the universe. So there's, there's structure, there's geometry, there's physics, there's metaphysics. But there was a point in my time where I, I am aware for me of a distinction between a relationship with the created, which would be the universe, and a relationship with the creator. And so as I'm in the midst of continued exploration of my personal relationship with God, I am seeing that that relationship gives me access to a certain set of beliefs that I didn't have access to when I didn't have the personal relationship. And those beliefs have been essential in this next level of my healing and I think essential in this next level of what I'm creating in the world.

What does a non resistant life look like?

I don't think there's a non resistant life. I think that.

Resistance is necessary.

Because if we're creating our own reality as individuals and we can unpack that more, but just as a hypothesis, we're creating Our own reality based off of what we believe and think. And other people are creating their own realities that we also bump up against because it's a collective experience.

We are consistently running into things that we like from our reality and other people's reality. And we're running into things that we don't like. And anytime we run into things that we don't like, we move into what we're calling resistance.

Abraham would call it the contrast. As human beings, we would label those things as problems. That's a problem. Why? Because I don't like it. And the I don't like it experiences that move us into a primal state and that we would describe as creating resistance for us are necessary because they fine tune what we want.

In other words, that's what helps us get clear on what it is that we do want. You know, I want it be super vibrant and healthy because I no longer want my chronic pain. I want to be in a relationship with somebody I care about because I've been in so many toxic relationships, you know, that were painful. I want to have extraordinary prosperity and abundance because I don't want to have the symptoms of financial insecurity that I had been experiencing. I want to be an entrepreneur and have my own business because I didn't enjoy working for the man. Yeah, right. The opportunity is for us to spend less time in the resistant reaction. Right. To shorten that time frame and to get it so short by understanding so clearly. And again, this is a. It's a training of the nervous system. But by intellectually understanding and by being in the practice of training your nervous system, the problems are essential. In fact, they are the catalyst for the desire and the expansion to get to the point the problems almost stop becoming problems and. And it starts to feel weird to call them problems because the solution shows up so quickly behind it. That would be a non resistant life. But there's still resistance in it, right?

Yeah. But what you're saying is that being in the state of non resistance essentially puts you in a solution oriented mode. And so the problems don't feel like negative experiences so much as they're bouncing off points for the next solution which drive us closer to which the desire expansion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Then the state of non resistance feels.

Like what it could be a lot of things. We would describe them as powerful states. Calm, peace, joy, enthusiasm, curiosity. Any state of emotion that feels good.

It's funny, I'm thinking about when I come up with a business idea. It's like there's something flowing through my Veins, man. Like, I want to stay up late thinking about it, I want to write about it, I want to talk about it. And the minute I think of how.

Turns that dark corner. Right, yeah, yeah, it's awful. This is actually, I think entrepreneurial mastery, I think it's creative mastery, is noticing when it turns that corner and stepping away from it. Because what happens is that idea has now become problem frequency, frequency. And so step away from problem frequency and it'll actually renormalize into solution frequency again in that enthusiasm. But you know, guys like you and I and women who are like us, it's been, it's been decades that we've been in this gear. And so instead of stepping away from the thing, because a moment ago it was really exciting, so I want to solve it. We get closer and closer to the problem. And to your point, it just becomes so draining. We want to destroy it and hustle and grind it and overcome the problem. And that's why a lot of times with the higher level entrepreneurs that I'm working with, when I see that that's what's happening now, that the problem has generated so much mass that it has a gravitational pull. And the entrepreneur is addicted to that pull as well. The business plan is, go take a walk, go have a bubble bath, whatever your thing is, play with your furry friend.

So, well, go back, go back, get.

In the bubble bath.

I'm in the bubble bath.

Yeah.

I'm sending you selfies for my.

Like I said, the show is really evolving.

How that plays out for me is when I am just stuck on a problem, I have to go play pickleball.

That's great.

And if I go play pickleball and then I come back to the problem, it doesn't seem so big anymore.

No, the problem's changed.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I feel more resourceful because I have more energy, because I am in a, a more fulfilled, excited.

Well, it's because you actually just went and spent time in solution energy. So, you know, Einstein says you can't solve a problem with the same level of energy that created it. And like, for some of us, that makes sense. But then like, okay, how do we practically apply that?

Yes.

And, and so when you realize you're in problem energy or problem frequency because you've moved into a primal state, you're in resistance, you want to move into solution energy. Right. Because you're wanting, you're wanting to solve that problem. So then the question becomes, well, where's solution energy? How do I find solution energy in my life? And the answer is go do the things that you love doing. Because there was a time when those things didn't exist. And when they didn't exist, what preceded them were problems.

Whoa.

So you already converted problems into solutions? There was some problem that existed that you're probably not even aware of. The pickleball was the solution that emerged. So pickleball is solution energy. So go into solution energy, which feels.

Like fun, which feels like creativity, feels like excitement.

Correct. But instead we hustle, we grind, we burn out. And this is why you actually, your business plan is called Fat and happy for that.

This is, I mean this is really is it Right. But it's realizing. Oh, wow. So Dave, what you're telling me is be in the nine figure idea. When it feels good, then other than that, go enjoy my life. Go be in all the solutions that I've created and then that energy will transform the thing I bumped up against in the nine figure business. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's the game.

Wow, that's really interesting. I mean that I'm finding that resonate in so many areas of my life where when I'm really stuck on a problem, the instinctual or primal reaction that I have is to hold myself up of my room, in front of my computer and fix it.

That's right.

And there's never a more miserable day than when I am holed up in the corner on my computer trying to fix a problem. But if I call a friend or if I go meet up with someone that I just enjoy spending time with, that can trigger me into that solution space. And so I'm just seeing kind of this matrix in my mind of how I fall into that hole. We spoke on the phone recently. I told you I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. And it no longer runs my life. It's just sometimes it's a problem I need to manage. That's how I have kind of lessened this dreariness that I felt about it in my earlier life. But I can identify when do I feel depressed, what are the things that show up? It's often when I am alone, working on a problem and not seeking solutions. If I go be with a friend, if I go create a piece of content that I naturally enjoy doing it. I no longer consider myself depressed. It's a temporary state of being in the problem. And as I'm hearing you share, I'm just envisioning what it looks like to be in this solution oriented state. It looks a lot like just Pursuing those things that are intrinsically energetic, that are intrinsically desirable. As simple as meeting a friend for coffee or as complicated as giving a great keynote from stage. Both of these things are energizing things. And if my life is actually being in that state, there's no room for depression. Depression doesn't exist in that vibration. It's just. It's. I have a but, though. Here's my but. Nothing would get done if I lived in a state of solution. See, that doesn't even make sense when I say it now. God damn it, David, you fixed all my life problems.

There's a couple of things I want to pick up here because I don't want to lose track of them. But what we're saying is, oftentimes the business plan is, go enjoy your life. Right, that's what we're saying. But. But. But just realize how our. The layers of beliefs box us into it, because at the same time, when you say, I'm gonna go enjoy my life, that belief of, like, yeah, but I'm not as far along as I should be shows up. Right? Yeah, but, you know, in my high school gymnasium, there was a sign that said, somewhere, somewhere, someone is working out when you're not. When you meet them, they will kill you. Right. So. So. Because. Because let's just be aware that, like, we can take what we're talking about here, and then it can be hard to integrate because there's these layers and layers and layers of beliefs. Yes. Okay. Number two. You know, my. My wife's best friend. I remember we were walking on the beach in Sarasota. She had been, you know, on date after date after date for two years on all these dating apps that, you know, I met my wife before there were all these apps. So it was match.com back in the day. There was no swiping, but she was going out, like, two dates a day, and she's complaining. She's like, every guy I go out with, like, I'm just so sick of it. And trying to figure out how to get out of kissing them. At the end of the day, she's like, I'm just done with it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm forever. I'm finished. Two weeks later, she meets the man she's married to in virtual in vitro fertilization. People try and try and try and try. They finally give up. They get pregnant. You people who. The prognosis there isn't. There is no prognosis other than you're going to die. You have a Terminal disease. They finally stop going to the doctors. All of a sudden the doctors can't explain it. But as entrepreneurs, it's like we think this is like a different realm over here. And it's not like we know it. We can see it in these other areas of our life. When you stop pushing on the problem, it becomes solved. But like, that's not what we're seeing with the Navy SEAL mentality of entrepreneurship.

We're all being indoctrinated. Absolutely right. I have seen so many examples of that. When you stop pushing on the problem, the solution arrives.

Right. It's the same for every. We're talking about like laws of how reality functions. Because non resistance is the key that opens everything up. Now let's talk about your depression for a second. And this just dropped in while we were talking. Some people ask, hey, I don't understand, like my mindset is so much better than my friends mindsets. But I seem to be having so many more challenges in my life than my friends are having. And what I believe is that some people decided when they came into this life they were going to create something big. Well, if, if contrast is the catalyst for expansion, then those people required a lot of contrast to produce the expansion in the field that once they align with it, will materialize into their reality.

And your depression may be.

Your system's mechanism.

For moving you into a contrasted experience, a deep, dark contrasted experience for periods of time. Because in those moments what you're creating is something extraordinary in the field. And so there's an opportunity for you to shift the relationship that you have with your depression, knowing that it's almost like a switch that gets turned on. So expansion can take place. So just be patient with it, not thinking it's a problem or it needs to go away or any of that. This would be a non resistant approach to it. And I think it's the same thing, for example, with like, I've been going through chronic health challenges for like the last eight years. It creates a lot of suffering for me. But I also look at the vision that has unfolded for me over the last eight years and it's massive. And so if, if it is the problem that creates solutions that we then get to bring into the world, then those people who seem burdened with more problems are creating a greater treasure trove of solutions. And so that what occurs for me is that that's what the mechanism of your depression is.

I like that.

It's worth exploring.

Well, it reminds me of just the Tortured Artist. My favorite band is a Band called Sleep Token. And the lead singer, you can just tell in the lyrics he's kind of a tortured artist. And what he creates from that place is just profoundly beautiful. And without that, there is no song. How does that jive with the idea of just go enjoy your life? Because I understand that the, the negative emotion can be a bouncing off point to what is emerging, what you're creating.

Let's imagine for a moment that your new decision was your bouts of depression are one of your greatest gifts. And they are the catalysts by which everything that you've ever dreamed of creating will be created. And that in order to create this extraordinary life that you're creating already that you've created and beyond.

There will be periods of time where you will feel the energetics of your depression because it's translating into expansion in the field. And to be kind with yourself and to know that there are no way a hindrance to what you want to create. They're actually the key that is unlocking everything you want to create and everything else we could build around it. My guess is, even though it might still be uncomfortable, and even though you've already made great progress with the relationship you have with your depression.

It would be an even easier experience to navigate for you. Yeah, right. You're like, oh, here it is. I'm leveling up. But my guess is depression has not equaled level up for you. So.

Correct.

Right. Okay. But I, I, I think it's worth exploring. In fact, based on my understanding of how everything functions, I think it's a very high likelihood that you were given a depression button and that's kind of what you chose to come in with because you wanted to create something really fucking big in the world.

Even if it's not true, that is a helpful belief. I like this.

Again, a lot of this, right. Is like, is it placebo? Is it true?

And does it matter?

Does it matter?

I want to take this to the application of the decision matrix because we talked about the new decision. I'm going to create a nine figure business. And the resistance do. And then there's this resistance that comes up. That's all my butts.

Yeah.

And then we found the, the opposite of that resistance. And we found evidence to support those fat and happy. We found evidence to support that I can be fat and build nine figure. Now when we create those new beliefs and we, we reinforce them with evidence, I feel this lightness or this little charm, powerful state. Yes. I feel this different level of excitement is the application from there. Well, now go Enjoy your life, or is it now to create a set of actions from that place? How do we apply that mental exercise into creating a different life?

It's a great question. So when you work a decision matrix and you experience what you just experienced, like, oh my God, it actually makes so much sense that, like, fat and happy is the way that older and wise is the way that I don't need to have the kill it mentality that I had when I was 25. That I, I can actually relax my way into a nine. Doesn't mean I'm not going to do the work, but I don't have to hustle, I don't have to grind. And oh, wow, when I go, look at all these other guys, like, yeah, that seems to be what they're doing too. At least the ones that I admire. A neurological door just opened, Right? So there, there was an imprint, a shift that was just created in your nervous system. When I studied in India, they would call it seeing you. You saw for a moment something different. Right. We could describe it as a revelation. Something was revealed. And so now what we're wanting to do is we're wanting to practice that revelation. And the way we practice it is that I'll leave here and you'll wake up tomorrow and something will come through your Facebook newsfeed that'll trigger, I'm not working hard enough. Yes, I really want to buy this sports team. I've got this nine figure thing, but I don't know what it is. And I don't even know what I'm doing today. And God, I didn't even put in that much time yesterday. I just spent two hours talking about nothing with David Baer. Right, right. But we've, we've become familiar with that pattern in today's conversation. So you're like, oh, wait a minute, I know what this is. Right. This is the old Ryan. This is the misunderstanding. What did I decide yesterday? Wait a minute. I decided I didn't need to rush. I decided the idea will come to me. I decided that I can enjoy my life. Right. And so you see it again. And you see it again and you see, keep opening that little neurological door, and this becomes the rewiring. So you remind yourself of your new decision and the evidence that you have to support it every time you remember. When you're in the forgetting, you get stronger and stronger in the remembering until you don't have to really remember anymore. You just sort of have retired that old neurology.

They become unconscious beliefs at that point.

Yep. That's so that's. That's one. Right? Then still you want to move on to, yeah, but how do I figure it out?

Right?

Right. Yeah. Right. So we're talking about how to work with the old belief. It's a practice like anything.

And so you practice it. I think it's good to be in practice with other people. It's good to have community around you that's in the practice. It's good to have mentors and coaches to support you in the practice. I think we talked about this on our call. Like, that's how you integrate if you want to get good at recovery and no longer be an alcoholic. You go to meetings every week, you hang out with people in recovery, you find a sponsor, you work the 12 steps, you do the work. Same thing if you want to get good at Jiu jitsu, you find a dojo, you train with the best, you hang out with other Jiu Jitsu guys, right? Like, that's. That's what you do. Most people don't do that with their personal growth.

And then there's the. Well, but. But how do I figure out what that nine figure idea is? And the answer is, you don't figure that out. You don't. You've already placed the order with the system, and the system will deliver it. But the key here is to maintain as best as you can non resistance, because human beings are very impatient. So imagine, for example, you're in a restaurant and you say, you and I are having lunch together, and you order the pastrami sandwich. Server comes over, you're like, I'll have the pastrami sandwich. She's like, okay, great. And she gets like three feet from the table, and you say, excuse me, is my pastrami sandwich coming out? And she's like, well, I'm trying to take it to the back. I have. I haven't gone back there yet. You're like, I'm sorry, I got a little excited. No, no problem. She gets another three feet away. You're like, I'm sorry, how much longer will it be for my pastrami sandwich? The. The order never gets placed and the dish never comes out. And so that's what we do with, in this case, the nine figure business idea, right? You're like, okay, cool. I trust that it'll show up. I'll meet someone, or the idea will become active in consciousness and it'll come to me. And right now I should just enjoy my life. But, Dave, it's been two days, right? And so we move back into Resistance. And resistance is not Revelation's friend.

I'm having a different thought train, which is, let's say that I decide it takes no time at all.

And I know theoretically that I could be in a coffee shop and come up with an idea, look up, and there's the perfect operator, the perfect investor, and the perfect advisor sitting within a few tables of me. Theoretically, that could happen. And if I believe that, then I'm kind of walking through the world on a hunt, on this fun adventure hunt of looking for my perfect operators, looking for my investors. And I'm just waiting for the breakthrough to happen. I'm looking for the one. I'm looking for the next date. I'm looking for the next friend. I'm looking for the next idea. Because it could theoretically be any. In any one of these rooms. That's a different experience of life than a normal unconscious thought train of. I gotta figure it out, I gotta find all these people. I gotta create a long to do list of things that I gotta make happen. I gotta do this and I gotta do this. The belief that it could just happen automatically makes me real excited to get out and go hunting.

Yeah, I mean, look, certainty plus anticipation is really powerful. And then when it doesn't sustain itself, that's where the mind will insert itself and explain. And oftentimes resistance is created. So I think to be able to operate and hey, when I'm. I know it can happen at any point in time. And I'm excited because I think it's going to show up anytime. But to also not need it to show up quickly. Right. Like that's the balance. Right. To trust that there is a plan that is functioning here in perfect timing, whether it's today or next Friday or beyond. And to be able to maintain that enthusiasm and keep it front of mind. Great. As long as it doesn't move you into some form of resistance.

The example that's coming to mind of that statement is I was at.

A networking event six months ago and I made this decision at this event that I wasn't gonna ask any girls for their number, but that I was gonna meet a lot of women that night. I was just gonna show. And I did that to give myself permission to just show up as myself and have a great time. And the fact of not needing anything from those interactions would just make me present with the conversation. And so that night I was like, no numbers, just gonna have a great time. But I think I'm gonna meet a lot of people. And I have never been so good with Women from that day I showed up with this lively and creating moments of just, I'm probably never gonna see this person again, so I might as well tell a few jokes, introduce them to a couple people. And I have never been so socially adept in my life. And I had this idea that, you know, if I was supposed to spend time with any of those women, they'd find me and sure enough, my friends would text me, hey, so and so wanted your number. Is it okay if I give it to them? Okay. This is just happening automatically because I have removed all resistance of trying to get something or just kind of trusting that it's going to be fine. I've experienced these little moments almost accidentally where I'm going into a situation. I just decide to try something new. But the idea that maybe I could walk through life within this state of non resistance of practicing that more, even 20% more, is such a enticing way to live. So I ask you, is it possible? Have you experienced the. Is your life the experience of being in that non resistant state? Or is there just as much crap doing and practicing and teaching this stuff as previously?

Yeah, it's a great question.

I think the crap.

It'S better crap.

It's better crap.

I would give the same answer about being an entrepreneur. Yeah, being an entrepreneur, I don't wake up every day and I look forward to my businesses, but it's higher quality crap.

I'll answer the question by sharing a short story. When I first got into drug and alcohol and sex addiction recovery, the first six months were really, really hard. And then I started to have a spiritual awakening. Like I started to see the miracles that occurred in my life when I stopped controlling it. And I started to experience that life was easier and I started to be in my head less and I felt more connected in relationships and so life was more fun and it was a beautiful experience. And I've had that experience in cycles since 2010 when that first occurred, right now, for example, in my own life, and I've mentioned this before, like I'm working through nothing serious but like nagging health challenges. And so my mind is consumed a lot by them. They're there. I feel it. It's physical. And what I've seen in my life before is every time I experience something, whether it's a friction in my business or a friction in my relationship, even though it's hard, every time I look back, there seems to be a loving intelligent design to it and who I became through the process. So right now I don't have the crap in my business anymore. I really enjoy it. I have about three months ago, I don't have the crap in my relationship anymore. Through. I made a decision and through a series of. And I'm happy to dive into it, but through a series of coincidences like my wife and I have the best relationship we've ever had right now. So yeah, I don't. It's not linear for me right there. There are times where it feels easier, times where there's a contraction, but I think that's the creative process. You know, I got to witness my wife giving birth to my son Gabriel, two and a half years ago. And there's this like intense pain and contraction and there's this extraordinary release. And then, you know, eventually there's an outcome which was in this case, Gabriel. And if we have another child, my wife's going to go into that again. And I just think it's such a metaphor for life and accepting that. So I don't know, I don't know anybody who's like consistently living in a non resistant state. And some of those people that I see who. I'm not trying to put this on anybody. I mean, look, if somebody can, you know, live in a powerful state all the time, fantastic.

But I'm.

I'm less resistant to when I'm experiencing a contraction than I, than I've been ever before.

The reason why I appreciate this process so much is because it gives me a framework to apply all of the crazy stuff that I have played with and considered for a long time. And I'm thinking about how this applies to health.

Yesterday I woke up and I felt real stiff and low energy. And I thought, man, is there something wrong? But if I apply the decision matrix framework to this, I can choose the decision that I feel vibrant and wake up full of energy and am pain free. I can choose that and the application of that immediately I think, like, I don't know what to do different. But as I play for that play with that thought, I think, you know, maybe I don't want to go lift heavy weights today. I kind of want to do yoga or I kind of want to go for a run or I kind of want to stretch. I kind of want to schedule a massage. I immediately think I need to do something. But as I really check in, there's some alternate, like actually I just don't want to do what I usually do. I want to do something else. And if I think about creating a nine figure business, I can decide I'm building a nine figure business. And it's a vision that I am passionate about and excited about and fuels me to wake up and go give it my all. And what comes up are all my resistance pieces. The buts where? Well, I don't have that idea right now. But there's nothing on my to do list that is in alignment with that. But if I kind of get some space away from that, I think, you know what, actually I don't really want to answer my emails right now. Kind of want to call a friend and you know, I actually don't want to work on that marketing sequence right now. What I actually want is I want to go to that networking event or I want to write something that I just want to write because I want to write it. And all of a sudden I'm starting to see how the how what I think is the how is the to do list and the programming of what has created my life up into this point, which is the bouncing off place of the things that I want to be different. And so if I, if I am non resistant to these beliefs that I'm deciding, then different desires just sort of pop up. I want to do things a little bit differently. And that's the peak, that's the seeing, that's the opening to creating something new. I'm thinking about the coaching client inside one of our programs@capitalism.com that says I want to have a million dollar business. But, but, but, but, but, but if they stopped budding all over the place, they would see that there's an eight step plan for building a million dollar business.

Right? There's a structure. Right? Right.

There's a structure and there's a supportive system and there's a community and there's these resources. But, but, but, but, but. Well, if you remove all these buts then you see that there's a framework and a playbook, yada yada yada. It's like all the resources are already in my field of influence, but I've been clouding them with my to do list and my normal mode of operating. And I feel like I can apply this framework to almost any, really any area of life. And if I'm open to practicing that belief, I can make those the new unconscious beliefs over time.

If we want to give people something practical.

Scan yourself for resistance, scan yourself for the thoughts that don't feel good and get into some work. Right. Whether it's mine or somebody else's to work with that information because that it's incorrect information.

Because I'm thinking about like we had our Big event recently. And then we had an onboarding of a big cohort of new clients into our programs. And one of the things I said to them is, like, we have a structure. And I don't know anyone in the eight years that we've been running our coaching programs, which is for entrepreneurs who want to grow their business and who get that they need the tactics and strategies and the mindset. I said, I don't know anybody who's actually done the work like, executed on the eight step process that did not produce results. And it was the first time I ever shared that. And I said, I want you to know that because I want you to believe that if you do the eight steps, you will produce the result.

Because that belief is so important.

People will wonder, yeah, but what if the eight steps don't work for me? And I'm saying it's never not worked for anybody who did. The eight steps might be a little bit of different timing. Right. But. But even your belief around the eight steps and yourself is going to impact whether you produce the results or not.

It's that idea of the belief about the business or the workout plan or the partner means more than the external circumstance itself.

Yeah. And it also is the.

It is the container that determines whether or not the belief to do is successful. David Ryan.

I'm a fan.

I'm a fan of yours, too. Thank you. It's really appreciated.

Great to see you, my friend.

Yeah.

A Change Mind is one of my favorite books I've read in the last year. Probably my most recommended of the last year. And the takeaway that I had from it that I hope people take away from this conversation is that the buts that we have to all our desires are the things that we can uproot and unplug. And how do we do that? We do that by questioning them and finding evidence for their opposite. And that's something that can be practiced. We can practice different beliefs that change what we create in our lives. And what it did for me was give me a framework to be able to practice it on a daily basis. I really appreciate that.

Yeah, I'm glad to hear it.

Good to see you, Dave.

You too, man.

If you'll take two seconds to like this video and subscribe to the channel, it will help us find the most helpful entrepreneurs, capitalists, and investors to bring onto the show to guide you on your journey. When I started my entrepreneurial career, there were no podcasts. There were no DECA millionaires or centimillionaires or billionaires sharing what they've learned along the way. And now I consider it my job and my responsibility to bring those voices to those of us who are born to be entrepreneurs. There's a lot of people who talk about success, who talk about mindset, who have big YouTube followings. But I want to bring you the best entrepreneurial thought leaders and the greatest mentors that you could never afford, that you could never get in front of, that can help you on your journey. And the way that you can help make that possible is by liking this video and subscribing to the channel. In case we've never met before, thank you for being here. My name is Ryan Daniel Moran And I run capitalism.com we help entrepreneurs build seven figure businesses, have multimillion dollar exits, and I hope you got a ton of value out of today's episode. If you stick around, I'll see you on the next one. Thanks for watching.