Being Needy, and Patients Coming Out

So I had a really interesting experience, a patient the other day that got me thinking about all the ways I might be needy to my patients and all the ways that we as practitioners can sometimes be needy without realizing it. And if you think that's not you, I challenge you to stay with me on this, because this came from an angle that I didn't expect. This is not the normal sort of neediness I often think of when we're looking at the ways that we can put that on our patients. And essentially what happened was a patient I'd known for a long time came in and they were discussing a little bit about their past, their history, and, you know, known for a long time. We often have some really good chats. And during the course of this story, they came out of a closet, and in a very understated way, they didn't say anything about it. They didn't make a big deal of it. They just happened to drop a certain pronoun. And I know this person, and I know they think very carefully about how they speak and the words they use. And I knew they'd never mentioned this before. And reflecting on it, I realized, okay, this is their way of telling me that now they feel that they can trust me to do that. I've known them for a long time, and they just mention it and continue with the story. And I recognize it. And I thought, ah, they're coming out to me. And one of the first things that happened was I wanted to acknowledge it. I wanted to acknowledge it. I wanted to highlight. I wanted to sort of show them that I'd had suspicions for a little while but never thought to pry. I wanted to show them I was okay with it. I wanted to show them I appreciated them feeling they could trust me to do that. I wanted to, you know, make them feel like, hey, I'm somebody who doesn't judge someone for their sexuality. All these kind of needs came up. And earlier in my career, I probably would have cocked this up by actually trying to do some of that stuff and reflecting. I think if I'd done that with this patient, it would have probably. It's probably the reason why they didn't share it before that they didn't really. They didn't want anyone to put a bow on it. They didn't want to draw attention to it. They just wanted to put it out there. So it was a known thing and continue as if everything else was normal. But all these needs were coming up. So luckily I spotted that, and I thought, I'm at the point of my career and I've worked on myself a fair bit, still got work to do. But I thought, what does the patient need? Because I needed to show them that I'm non judgmental, I'm a welcoming person. I don't, I don't judge based on sexuality on this sort of thing. But that's not what they needed. They needed to just put that out there, to have me hear it and to continue as if everything else was fine. So I made a point of doing that. I didn't talk, I didn't say anything, I didn't address it whatsoever. I just let them finish the story and then we continued as if nothing had happened. And like I said, reflecting back, I realized this is what they actually wanted. But all these sort of needs came up for me. It wasn't need around trying to show off to the patient about, you know, how clever I am. It wasn't needing to show them that I'm an expert. I've had all those things before. That's something that pretty much all of us face throughout ocaris, but especially in those first few years. But I thought I was done with being needy. I thought those needs were no longer there. But this still came up for me. And I wanted to share that because I thought it might be interesting. If you're someone who maybe you've been out a number of years like I have, maybe you're a fair bit more experienced than I am. You think, well, I'm no longer needy. I don't need my patients to understand how clever I am. I don't need them to understand I know what I'm talking about. I don't need them to agree with me. I don't need them to know why it is I'm doing a certain thing or what the adjustment is doing. Maybe you think you're past all those needs, but I would suggest you there's probably still some needs that will come out occasionally. And sorry for the pun, there's some needs that might arise occasionally and it's worth noticing them when they do. And it's worth just stopping and thinking, okay, is this my need or is this something the patient needs? Because I came close to screwing this up. It was really a second or two where I might have wanted to sort of jump in and interrupt the story or, you know, I may have wanted to make a bit of a point of it afterwards to show I'd heard them and show that I was okay with it. And really this patient would have, would have regretted sharing it if they thought I was going to make a deal out of it, because ultimately that would be making it about me, not them. And this is quite a personal story for them. Having said that, if you do still feel a lot of those other needs, no judgment on that either. I know many practitioners who've been practicing for a while who still feel some sort of need about the patient needing to agree with them, the patient needing to understand the plan, understand the treatment, that sort of thing. If that's the kind of thing that you do have going around your head occasionally, don't worry, you're not alone. We all have this. Anyone who has never, ever had that in their career, I suspect has a massive ego and a massive problem and is not somebody I would ever feel comfortable treating, a friend or family of mine. So if those needs arise, it's okay. It's just important to recognize them, spot them, see them for what they are, and then think, is this a need for me? Or is this a need for the patient? Because if you can allow yourself that slight gap between the need arising and acting on it, you can reflect and think, is this going to actually help or is this going to make things worse? So I thought I'd share that. It's a different angle for you. If that's something that you do struggle with, that need for patients to understand the need to justify your treatment plan, defending why it is you're making certain recommendations. That's the kind of thing that I help many, many practitioners with both new graduates, but also a lot of experienced practitioners. You've been putting that pressure on themselves for a while. If that's you, keep an eye out, because very soon the new Happy Patient Project will be enrolling again. It's a massive expansion. There's a whole bunch of new resources, new content, lots of exciting, cool stuff. If that's for you, keep an eye out because I'll be talking about that more over the next few weeks. If not absolutely fine. Hope that story has been interesting for you. Hope it's been a little bit useful. I'll see you soon for another video. Take care.