Getting over the “Yes, But…” reaction

Hey, everyone. Today we're going to talk about the yes, but reaction and how to get over that. And we're going to use a model called the 12 Roadblocks to Communication. Now, if you stick around to the end, I'll show you how you can get a free resource from me identifying all 12 of these roadblocks that we hit and how to get past them, how to get over that. So stick around to the end and I'll tell you how to do that. Now, this. Yes, but reaction, you may have noticed this come up, but you may not, because sometimes unless we look for it, we don't spot it. But this will happen when you have a patient talking about a particular issue, particular difficulty or problem, and you respond a certain way. And when they respond back, it starts with yes, but. So they might tell you about some difficulty they've had doing some stretches you've given them. You respond a certain way, and they go, yeah, but da, da, da, da. What that means is that they are disregarding what you have to say, and they're feeling like you haven't really heard or understood them. So we need to watch out for this. Yes, but. Now, this is what Thomas Gordon termed psychological reactants. Essentially, what they're doing is hearing what you have to say. Their brain is reacting to it and rejecting it. And he noticed that these tend to happen when we respond in one of 12 ways. He identified these 12 roadblocks to effective communication, which are 12 different ways that we as clinicians will respond when we hear the patient talking about a problem. Now, some of them we don't want to ever use, for example, moralizing or judging at roadblocks that hopefully you don't ever want to do with patients. But some of them are things that we do want to do, for example, reassuring or interpreting or giving advice. Now, the key thing with the roadblocks, and I always come up with this, when people ask questions about this when I'm teaching it, they'll often go, but how am I supposed to do that? That's a good thing. The key thing he identified is that these are automatic responses. And sometimes they can be helpful, but sometimes they're not. And when they're not is when you get the reactants, the yes, but reaction. And what's important here is it's not down to whether you think it's appropriate. It's all about whether the patient thinks it's appropriate. You might think this is a good time to reassure this person or to maybe humor the situation a little bit, lighten things up if they feel it wasn't the right time, that's when you get the yes, but. So what we need to do is we need to start identifying these roadblocks. Look for the ones that we fall prone to because you will all have different ones that you tend to do automatically. Then when you're aware of that, what you can start doing is noticing when you want to do it, stopping yourself and thinking consciously. Is this the right time to use this strategy? Because if it's not, you're going to hit a roadblock and then it's quite hard to come back from that. So, for example, I might hear a patient talking about how they're struggling with something and I might think, actually that problem's not as big a deal as they think. They might think that, oh, I'm feeling this pain when I do it, that must mean I'm damaging it. And I want to come in and reassure them to say, actually that's not something to worry about so much. But if I leap in straight away with reassurance, believe me, I've done this many, many times, I will get that. Yes, but reaction. And the patient feels like I haven't heard or understood them. Whereas if I stop and think, is now the right time to reassure? Or do I maybe need to use some other skills, some other strategies first to make sure that's going to land, then I can reflect consciously and over time improve. So if you want to know what all 12 of these are and you want to get a free handout that I give to everyone in my live seminars, it's part of my course, how to identify these and get over them and not keep hitting those roadblocks. Then go to the video in Facebook. If you're in Facebook already, just comment below. Say something like, give me my 12 roadblocks or yes, please, whatever you'd like to say, just comment below. If you're watching this in email or you're watching this on YouTube, then you need to go to the group. So go to patient centered comments Chiropractors on Facebook. If you haven't joined, just request to join. I'll add you straight away and then find this video on Facebook. The 12 roadblocks to communication. Getting over that, yes, but reaction. And then just comment below and I will send this to you. I'll get it to you and you can start immediately spotting which ones are you prone to? Where are you subconsciously sabotaging that relationship? And immediately start spotting it and getting better results for your patients.