"I only came because my partner told me to..."

Hey, guys, it's Chris again. And today's video is coming off a question I got from somebody who's enrolled in our advanced communication skills course at the moment. And in fact, it's come up from a couple of people in a different. Couple of different ways. And it's one I've actually got quite often before, whether that's people just reaching out and asking me questions or on seminars. And this is about those patients who come in to see you who, who don't really want to be there. They've sort of been either dragged along by their spouse or somebody made the appointment for them and they're sat there and they don't really want to be there. They're not really looking for your care. They sort of come on somewhat unwillingly. And often the question I get is, what do you do about that? How do you engage these people? Because I find this. I'm sure you find the same. Those people don't tend to respond very well. They don't tend to follow the advice. They don't tend to engage with care, stick with the plan. Even the treatment that you do seems less effective for them. And people often ask this, hoping that there's some magic couple of lines or example I can give or some way of saying it that gets these people on board. And I'll just tell you now, that's not the case. I struggle with these folks too. When I get that impression for somebody, I think, oh, yeah, this isn't really going to work so well. And I tried for a number of years finding different ways to try to find out, get under the hood a little bit, see what they wanted, maybe see if there's something I could do to engage them, find some motivating way of talking about it. And whilst that's sometimes possible, the vast majority of cases, it just. It doesn't happen. They don't really want to be there and there's no good way of getting them on board. So I've now changed the way I handle these. I now basically want to address that issue head on. So I will, as soon as I get that impression, I will. I will say something to the effect of seems like you don't really want to be here, or it seems like somebody else wanted you to be here more than you do. And what I want to do is first of all, show them that I'm aware of it and that I'm okay to talk about it, because that can often lower some of the tension. Because you know what it's like when you try to get these people on board and they're kind of a bit defensive, bit pulling back, disengaged. They're expecting you to try and talk them into care. What they're not expecting is you to go, yeah, you don't really want to be here, do you? So addressing that head on often can be a bit of a surprise for them and it makes them realize, oh, okay, we're allowed to talk about this. And just showing that I'm not bothered by that goes a long, long way. The next thing I then do is I sort of suggest them, well, look, we've got two options here. You know, we can just. If you don't want to be here, you can go like, let's not both waste the next 30, 45, 60 minutes of our time. If you don't want to be here, that's absolutely fine. My experience is people who don't really want to receive care don't tend to do that. Well, anyway, so if you'd rather, we could just call it a day now. And I'm quite happy to let that person go and not charge them. I personally would rather have that 45 minutes of my time back to do something productive that's going to help somebody else than to spend it with somebody who doesn't really want to be there just for the sake of that initial fee. Yes, you've set aside some time. Yes, it's kind of annoying. But even if they do come back, these are often those patients who, you know what it's like, you see them on the schedule and go, oh, it's this person. And I don't want them sapping my energy for future patients. The other people I'm seeing that day, especially when I think it's probably not going to work and they're not going to really want to be there. So I'm quite happy to just let that go. Not all money is good money. Often for me, I would rather say let's just lose that little bit of income, not have to deal with that hassle. So I'll let them know that's the option. I'll also say that the other option is, seeing as you're here, what I could do if we were to continue is we can have a chat about this a little bit more. I can let you know what my impression is. We can examine, I can let you know what I found and if there's something I think might be worth trying, I can let you know what that is. So seeing as you're here, we could use that time to just Explore it and see if there's any advice I can give you. And the tone there is not about to see if you need treatment, but it's to see if I can give you some advice. So I'm letting them know this doesn't mean you're committing to treatment and then you know, we can have a conversation about that and you can have a think about it or if it's not for you, it's not for you, that's fine. So just addressing it head on and saying, look, you can go if you want or if you are going to stay, here's what we can do. What would you like to do? I'm showing them that they're in charge, that I'm not trying to make any decisions for them. I'm showing them that I'm not offended that they don't want to be here and I'm fine to talk about it. I've let them know this situation's happened before so it's not like it's a surprise for me and I'm just giving them the choice there. And that way they know either they're gonna. They might go, well, you know, I'm here so might as well. And often then we've built a bit of rapport and it's easier to engage with the carer bit later on or we both just get some of our time back and then we leave it there. So you can give that a go. A key thing though is that you want to make sure that you are generally not that fussed and you're not that bothered that they don't want your care. What you don't want to happen is if that's really bothering you for some judgment to creep in, you might go, well, you could just go if you want. You don't have to be here. You can see how that's a very, very different energy. So you want to think about that and just be aware of your mindset and think about how you would handle this situations when they come up. Because if it does really bother you, that's going to come up. And all I would suggest with that is that you're probably better off letting those go, dodging that bullet and not having somebody come back for maybe two, three sessions where they feel like they're wasting money and they don't want to be there. So if you have that situation with patients, give it a try, just see if you can address it head on and you can say to them, it seems like you don't really want to be here. It's different to saying you don't want to be here, do you? So just saying it seems like that it gives you a bit of an out if it seems like they're not really so sure about it or they don't really know but give it a try, address it head on, outline those options and you'll see some people are going to get more engaged and actually you'll build some rapport, others just dodge that but you can focus on the next patient so give that a try. You know like I said, I'd love to tell you there's a quick simple answer. So say these three lines and they'll suddenly get on board and they'll suddenly be all for it. But often it's a case of just letting things go and focusing on the people who do want to be there with your care. So as always any questions that let me know. Otherwise I'll be back soon for another video.