"Master Your Stories" for 2023!

Foreign belated New Year. I hope that whatever you got up to over the Christmas holidays, you had a good chance to recharge the batteries, rest, take a bit of time with loved ones and family and, you know, do what you needed to do to start 2023 with batteries charged and ready to go. I know I did. I had a bit more time off than planned. I got a man flu mid December, which wiped me out, unfortunately. But then ready to enjoy Christmas with friends and family and had a bit of a digital detox as well, which is quite nice. It's why I've been a little bit awol. But I'm back, recharged, ready to go for the start of the year. So before we dive into what I'm going to talk to you today. As you can see, I've got something planned here. I just wanted to let you know I will be revamping the Happy Patient Project and making a number of changes to the way that I'm delivering content to you guys going forward. Now, I will still be doing these regular videos for you every week. They'll be going out free as usual. That's not going to change, changing the timing a little bit with that. It's going forward looking like it's going to be more of a Monday thing. But also there's some exciting updates coming with the Happy Patient Project itself. So if you're one of the members who messaged me and missed out on the last enrollment last time said they're very keen to do it this year. Keep your eye out. We're going to open up enrollment in a month, maybe six weeks time. Once I've had a chance to really redesign everything from the ground up. We're actually doing a big overhaul for this. I like to update things regularly, but we've added more content, we've changed the way it's delivered. So it's going to be bigger and better than ever to help you get better results with your patients. Avoid burnout, avoid frustration, and just have a happier, more successful and thriving practice. So keep your eyes out for that in the coming weeks if that's something you're interested in. Anyway, what am I talking about here today? Well, one of the books I've been reading recently that's been really, really useful when it comes to the way we connect with our patients, what's called Crucial Conversations. I thoroughly recommend it. You can pick it on Amazon for a pretty low price. The book is all about what the authors call crucial conversations, which are difficult but important conversations that we all have to have at times. Now, it's written partly for the context of work, partly for the context of home, which I quite like. So it's not just a business book, but it really applies well to what we do. And there's lots of content there that I'm going to be included in the happy patient project going forwards. But today I wanted to talk about one of their key concepts, which is mastering your stories, which is a really important way to help reduce frustration in you, make practice easier and less irritating at times, and how to handle difficult situations in a way that don't feel like you're bending over backwards for a patient, but equally help support them get what they need so they can have the best version of you to work with anyway. That's load of theory. Forget all of that. What does it actually mean? Well, one of the things that they talk about is this link between why we act certain ways. So many of us think that we act a certain way if we respond a certain way to a patient. Let's say they said, I didn't do my exercises, or we saw that they haven't done them, we got them to practice them or demonstrate them, and we can then see how you didn't do it. And that's why we act. If somebody says, why did you say that to a patient? You would go, well, because of what I saw them do or what I heard them say. But in reality, there's more to it than that, because if this was the case, every time you heard a patient say something, you would act the same way. You'd be a computer, you'd be a robot. And obviously we're not robots. There's more to us than just input and output. So what actually happens if you stop and pause and take the time to notice? This is when a patient says something like, I didn't do my exercises or I didn't do what you asked me to over the Christmas break, whatever it might be. Before you act a certain way, there's a very key step, and that step is that you will feel. You will have an emotional reaction to what that patient says, that they will say something, they'll do something. You feel a certain way and then you act. And this is true for any situation. If you get cut off in traffic before you scream at the person who did that, you will feel outraged, you will feel attacked, you will feel disrespected, whatever it might be. Not that we all do that, obviously, but it's an example you can see in any response, you respond to your spouse a little Bit snappily, a little bit harshly, because you felt something, because of what was said or what was heard there. So there's a really key step here. However, we can go one step further because that is true for pretty much all mammals. That's true for animals as well. A dog will do that. It'll see something, you know, it'll see you get the food bowl out. It will flip, feel excited, and its tail will start wagging. It will salivate. That was Pavlov's dog, right? And we're more than that. We have a frontal cortex. We can do a lot more. So before we feel, there's another crucial step that happens. And this happens almost instantaneously. It's always subconscious. It's often unconscious. We don't notice it, but we are doing it every time we interpret anything. And that happens before we feel. And it creates the feeling, it creates the emotion. This is called telling a story. So before we feel a certain way, we tell ourselves a certain story about what happened. So, for example, somebody cuts you off in traffic. You create this story of they're a rude, ignorant person, they're disrespectful, they're dangerous. I feel scared, I feel angry. I'm gonna act by blood blasting my horn. Almost instantaneously, a patient comes in and says, I didn't do my exercises. I forgot. Or they're too given five minutes, they said, I didn't have the time. You will instantly tell yourself a story, probably along the lines of, this patient's a bit lazy, or they don't really want to get better, or they don't respect my expertise. Otherwise they would be doing this. And you will then feel disappointed, frustrated, maybe resentful. I've been there with patients myself. Then you will act a certain way. Maybe you will criticize them. Maybe you will just try and give advice for how they'll find time to do it without really hearing what's going on. One of the 12 roadblocks, you might remember from a video ago. Or you may just decide, this person doesn't really want to get better, and you'll just emotionally distance yourself a little bit and you'll show up, but you'll kind of go through the motions. You won't really invest in them. And those are all ways that I've acted with patients, by the way. So there's no shame in saying that. I don't obviously advocate it, but it's something that we all go through because we're all human. But why am I talking about this? Well, what can Happen is if you catch yourself telling a story, it gives you a chance to examine it because these happen very, very fast. It's predominantly the right hemisphere, which is very quick. It's predominantly the unconscious. I forget which one. Whether it's system one or system two. I think it's System one that Daniel Kahneman talks about and thinking fast and slow. But whatever it is, it's the automatic unconscious one that makes assumptions. It's very quick at producing results, this system in the brain, but it doesn't stop to think logically. So you may tell yourself a story of, ah, this patient doesn't want to get better. But in reality, what might be going on is maybe they're having a really difficult time at home, maybe they had an awful stressful Christmas, they're splitting up with somebody, their kids having a really tough time with their mental health, they've got a sick family member, you know, works piled on. There's three people sick in their department that having to do the work for them. Lots of things may be going on that you don't know about. And if you just tell yourself a story straight away, you'll feel a certain way and you'll act a certain way. And those of us who are a little bit more emotionally intelligent might pick up that I feel this way and try and stop the action. But it always tries to leak through. We need to go past the feeling, we need to go beyond that to really make a change. So what can you do with your patients? Well, sometimes the story you tell will be right. So I'm not saying you should always examine why you're wrong. But if you notice your yourself feeling frustrated, feeling a bit fed up with a patient, if you're carrying around a patient interaction for the rest of the day, I would encourage you to stop and break this down. Think, okay, I acted a certain way or I felt a certain way. Identify the emotion, write that down. Because actually identifying and putting a word to it can be quite helpful. Then think, what story did I tell myself about this patient? What was the story that I instantly created? What were the assumptions that I made and what did I see or hear to back that up? What have I seen or heard from this patient in the past that would lead to me telling this story? Understand why you did it because it wasn't random. There was evidence for this story. But then think, is there any evidence that contradicts that story? Or what assumptions have I made that actually I don't have evidence for? And what that will do is it will start to get you curious curiosity is a very interesting and very powerful energy to have. Because then you'll start to think, oh, I don't know, and part of you will go, but I want to find out. And the next time you see that patient, you might encounter them with a bit more of a curious attitude. Now, if you've been carrying someone around for a while, if it's still on your mind at the end of the day, do this as a written exercise. But what you'll start to do over time, and you can sometimes start to do this even in the moment, is you'll do this mentally. As you practice this and build these muscles, you groove those thought patterns, you'll start to find that when you're in an interaction with a patient, you'll notice yourself going, oh, I want to say something here. Oh, I'm feeling a certain way, hang on a minute, am I telling myself a story here? Is this story true? Or is it maybe something where I've made some assumptions and then you can get curious and bring that curiosity into the discussion with the patient. And I can tell you, patients love a curious practitioner. They very, very rarely encounter them. They very often encounter practitioners who think they know the answers or have leapt to conclusions. And whether it's true or not, the patient doesn't feel heard. When they see you're curious, they get really interested. They really like that kind of practitioner. So you can bring that curiosity and think, have I made an assumption? Do I have the wrong end of the stick? Start asking questions. And if you do it with a genuinely curious energy, not well, when could you find the time? Or what was so important? You know, don't in that feeling place of resentment, but do it out of genuine curiosity. They will feel that. And then you'll start to find out, is the story I'm telling accurate or is it different? If it's accurate, fine. Then the way you feel in the way you act may well be appropriate. It's not about second guessing yourself all the time, but if there's holes or there's flaws in that story, it allows you to feel in a way that's actually more relevant to what's going on. Going on. And act in a way that is more appropriate so the patient gets to encounter the best version of you that is most in touch with reality. So that's what they talk about when they talk about mastering your stories is really make sure the stories that you're telling yourself are true, are accurate. Take a chance to think them through. Because if you go into interaction with a false story. Whether it's with a patient or whether it's with a spouse or a family member, whether it's with somebody at work, I can promise you that conversation is going to be a lot tougher than it needs to be. You need to have an accurate story first and curiosity is where it all begins. So give this a go with your patience if it's weighing on you later. If you're not sure how to do this, do it as a written exercise. Just name the emotion, write that down, write down the story you're telling yourself and then start to get curious about that story. As you practice that, you can start to that in the room with the patients and it'll become more automatic and you'll find often catching yourself going, I'm trying to slip into this story here. I've done this before. Maybe I should double check that first. And not only will you feel better, you'll have a lot less of this negative emotion you're carrying around trying to hide from the patient. I've been there. It sucks. But also your patients will get the best version of you. They'll get the kind of practitioner they've been waiting for. So gone a little bit longer. I realize that's a bit more to digest there. If you've got any questions about this, please do get in touch reply to the email. If you're seeing this there, drop me a comment below, message me on Facebook. You're more than happy to get in touch and actually identify any issues or any barriers you might have. That helps me to help more people as well. But I hope you had a lovely new year. I hope you're having a Great start to2023 and look forward to seeing you soon for some more videos. Take care everyone.