Could you be a rat racer?

Hi, I'm Chris Hunsker and welcome to Today's Next Step. Today's Next step is called the Happiness Archetypes. And see if you have the ability to find yourself in some brilliant research done by Tal Ben Safar. He is one of the leading researchers, teachers and educators and I would say, thinkers in the world of positive psychology. He taught the largest class at Harvard University. It was called positive psychology 101. And so much of the content of that class, the core of the class, comes from his book called Happier. The subtitle is where it really hits the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment. And in that book, he shares a model that once I learned and understood this model, it absolutely changed the way that I looked at myself, at my clients and at my family. And in this model, he talks about four different archetypes of happiness. Ways that we try to seek and find and approach happiness. And they're each different. And you will see, I think, yourself, your friends, your family and other people in each of these archetypes. The first we call the Rat Racer. The second, the Hedonist, the third, the nihilist, and the fourth, the happy person. And we're going to dive deep into each of those. Most of us, however, move in and out of each of these archetypes, depending on the setting and the timing. And there's usually, though, for almost all of us, a home, a place where we spend most of our time, the archetype that we go to most often, especially under stress or pressure or when things are hard. So let's start with the first archetype, the rat Racer. The rat racer is always chasing after some goal in the future and is never happy in the moment. Think about this. Do you know someone like that? They're always achievement oriented, goal oriented, they're driving, they're moving forward, they're trying to accomplish stuff. And it's almost like they never can enjoy what, whatever is they just accomplished because now they're on to the next thing. It's like you suddenly find yourself having a free afternoon. And so you get all these things done that have been stacking up. But then you look and think, but there were 10 more things I could have done. And instead of feeling the gift and the joy and the happiness that comes from this free afternoon that you got caught up, all you do is add to your list of things that you haven't done. This is why we use the term rat race. But as Giant Brian Johnson talks about the rat race illusion, and I love that term, the rat race illusion. Is powerful and seductive. And the illusion is that somehow reaching some future goal sometime off in the distance is going to finally bring that lasting happiness, that long for sense of peace and accomplishment, that you're okay. And this draws our focus to the future and it overvalues a future state, an existence that's off into the future. And as a result, we miss out on the significance of the journey, the present moment, and everything good that's happening about it. Think about it for you, have you had an amazing goal, like a really hard goal, something that was really difficult to achieve, and you had to work long and hard and really work to get there. And finally, after like incredible hard work and an amazing amount of time, you did it. You hit your goal and it was fantastic. For how long? That feeling of joy and excitement over your last achievement, how long did it last? Did you feel great for a year? Did you feel great for a quarter, a month, a week, a day, an hour? I've asked this question to thousands of people all around the world. And just so you know, this is cross cultural. And for most of us, that feeling of joy and accomplishment lasts somewhere from a few hours to a few days. The more achiever oriented you are, the shorter the timeframe tends to be. So think about it. If that's all there is, is 30 seconds of joy, haven't you had that question for yourself? Haven't you ever stopped after a great you graduated from college, you got your master's degree, you got married, you had your third child, you paid off your home, you got out of debt, you started your business, you finally hit a million dollars, you hit $10 million, you hit $100 million. Have you ever accomplished some great goal? And at the end, quietly to yourself, because you'd never admit this to anyone else, is that all there is? Is this all that's there? Because the research shows, especially what we're finding in positive psychology, that the rat race illusion is seductive and destructive. The second archetype is the hedonist. Now, like hedonic means in the moment, pleasure. They are always in the moment, but they're never moving forward. This is the essence of the video game Netflix mindset, right? How can I distract myself? How can I have some fun? How can I just be happy? My word for this, or these are bliss junkies. They're looking constantly to figure out how to have bliss, how to have happiness, how to be. Forget about the future, forget about anything that's going on. I just want to be happy again. Brian Johnson calls this the hedonist. Illusion. And again, the illusion is that the present moment matters. Now, should you be present in your relationships? Absolutely. Should you be present in the deep work focus of what you're doing? Absolutely. But that presence is in service of goals and future. But if all you're doing is am I happy now? In the moment, the journey is all there is. And the journey is the only thing that's important. Doesn't matter if you're making progress, doesn't matter if you're moving forward, doesn't matter if you're contributing and making things better. It only matters, am I happy? Am I happy right now? And is this going to make me happy? And you kind of get sucked into this hedonistic mindset and our use of technology, and if you look at what's out there, there are literally millions of people that will do everything they can to give you momentary happiness if you will give them money. And so many people have given up our happiness and our peace of mind and our connection, and most importantly, our ability to give our unique gift to the world in service of just feeling okay, being happy, getting something done in the present moment, being distracted, relieving pain. So much of the hedonistic mindset is not so much about being happy in the moment as it is about avoiding pain, avoiding difficulty, avoiding trial in the moment. It's about being neutral, it's about being distracted. That's the hedonist mindset. How do I focus on the present moment now? The third archetype is the nihilist. Now, the nihilist has given up on both the present and the future, right? This is kind of the sophisticated academic approach or mindset that I know so much now. I know that the optimists are idiots and fools, and I know that the hedonists are dumb some because it's fleeting and temporary pleasure and they'll never be happy. I've just come to understand that life sucks and people suck, and I'm just going to embrace it and realize that nothing's ever going to happen. They have given up on living that. Their approach is that since life is difficult and it's hard to have a great life, they've given up on both the journey and the goal because it's all stupid, it's all meaningless, nothing matters, and they don't enjoy either the journey or the goal. So our rat racers are slaves to the future. Our hedonists are slaves to the moment, to the present. How do I feel right now? And what can I do to make myself feel better right now? The nihilists are slaves to the past. Things will never be good again and it'll never be okay because they've given up on both the goal and the journey. Now, what's the most important archetype? It's what Tall Ben Shahar calls the happiness archetype. I love this metaphor and I love this model. The happy person. Listen to this. This is critical. Is the one who has a goal that inspires her and capital and A N D and is enjoying the moments of the journey. Let that sink in that she has a goal that inspires her and enjoys the moments of the journey. Happiness, if we break it down to its most fundamental, which is what these Next step videos are about, is the ability to enjoy the journey on the way to a destination that inspires you. That day by day, step by step, you can enjoy the journey on this destination that inspires you. And Tal Ben Shahar tells us to imagine climbing a mountain. We don't just wander around the mountain and we don't just sprint to the top, right? We pick a peak that speaks to us, that leverages our unique strengths and our unique passions. And it demands of us our very best. It demands constant need for us to grow and to change and develop so that we can serve, so that we can inspire others, so that we can climb that mountain that speaks to us, and then we're able to relish and enjoy the view along the way. So as we're climbing that mountain, we notice where we've been, where we're going, how to move forward. I will share with you one of the most profound insights I've ever received. Years ago, Tony Robbins said that all happiness comes from progress, not perfection. And stop. And remember when you had that great win, how long did it last, Right? How long did you feel great? A day? A week? A month? Because the happiness was from the progress. The happiness was from each of those small wins that you made, that incremental progress that you did every day where your real joy and happiness are found. Because having a goal, striving for that goal, enjoying the journey along the way, that's where happiness is found. That is what you're trying to do. And in order to really live that happiness archetype, what you're trying to understand is all happiness is found in progress, not perfection. You want to make small, incremental progress towards things that matter to you because it speaks to your unique strengths, it speaks to your passion, and it demands of you to be more of you than you currently are in service of something greater than yourself. So my question for you today is what's your mountain? And stop. And I want you to look in your life, professionally and personally. What's your mountain? What can you uniquely give? What inspires you? What brings passion? And then if you've already picked that mountain or you know where that is, then let me ask you this. How's your view today? What can you do today to notice your progress? What can you do today to notice the spectacular view of your personal life journey that's taking you from where you are to where you want to be and giving you a chance to contribute your unique gift to the world? And that is today's next step.