Episode 27: In Order for Things to Get Better… You Need to Get Better

Foreign. Leader, every business owner, every top performer reaches that moment where they get to the end of their skill set, where their skill set just isn't enough. And at that point, they have two choices. They can blame or they can grow. And the choice they make will determine the entire quality of their life. I'm talking to you today from a hotel room in Irvine, California, where I'm here for the week to work with the Mazda NBA coaches. And the whole focus of our work over the next several days is how do they show up more strongly in a dealership? As a coach and as I was going through the material and what we're going to cover, it really hit me the absolute importance of being able to understand this critical distinction, that when you get to the end of the skill set, are you going to blame or are you going to grow? Welcome to the dealership war room. I'm Chris Hunsicker, and today we're going to dive deep into that exact question. And this brings me back to a pivotal moment for myself when I first had to come face to face with this reality and make a choice that would pretty much affect the rest of my life. I was young, married, we had two small children, going to graduate school. I'm working full time. My wife is also working part time. And it's tough, it's hard. We never had enough money, we never had enough time. And in the normal habits of what goes on. I just got into a really terrible argument and fight with my wife, Sherry. And it was one of those where it's so bad that eventually you just quit talking to each other. You don't solve the argument, you just quit talking to each other. And she went downstairs and I went upstairs. Just. I was completely upset and angry that this is the situation I was in. I wanted to have a happy marriage. I wanted to have a good family. I wanted to be close to my wife. And in my mind, if it was all her fault, she was making it so hard, she was making it so difficult. And if she just wouldn't be so hard, everything in our life could be easier. Have you ever done that? Have you ever just wished your team wasn't so stupid, Wished your boss wasn't so hard, wish that manufacturer wasn't so difficult to deal with, and then, then you could be a good operator, then you'd be able to really get done what you'd like to get done. That's exactly the place that I was at. So I go upstairs and I walk past the bookshelf, and in my bedroom, there's all my books from my master's program in therapy and group therapy and psychology and motivation. I thought, yeah, if just my wife wasn't so hard, I could have a good marriage. And then I got to my second bookshelf, which is all my books on spirituality and religion and philosophy from when I was a missionary. And I thought, yeah, that's the real problem. I'm a spiritual person. I'm trying hard. She just makes it so hard for me. Can you hear the victim in my voice? And I remember kneeling down and thinking, you know what? I should probably pray. And I'm embarrassed to admit this, but it's so true. I kneeled down, and I was literally praying that God would help make my wife less crazy, less stupid, less hard to live with. You can imagine how this is going to end. And as I'm sitting there praying and meditating, this thought comes into my mind. She is not the problem. You are. Your wife is wonderful. You have just reached the end of your skill set. And rather than try to grow and become more patient, more understanding, more flexible, you want to get more judgmental and blame her. And that just stopped me in my tracks. And then the next thought that came to my mind is, if you hurt this bad, can you imagine how much she hurts? Which I had never even thought, I'd never even considered. I was so consumed with what I was upset about. I never even considered how this was affecting her. And at that moment, I realized I have an unlimited capacity to become more patient, more kind, more flexible, more loving. And I had married a great person. She was a wonderful woman. The only person in this household that had a problem that day was me, because I had reached the end of my skill set. And rather than own the fact that I needed to grow, I wanted to blame her for literally showing me my weaknesses, showing me where I needed to get better. And I ended up getting up from that prayer and walking downstairs. And when I went to go hug her until I was sorry, she was still stuck in that fear of the fight. And I remember when I went to put my arms around her, I was, like, stiffened up. And it took a minute for her to believe that I was sorry, that I was willing to own my behavior. There was nothing wrong with her. I had reached the end of my skill set, and I. And I decided my response was that I was gonna blame. Today what we're gonna talk about is one core principle that separates leaders who stagnate from the elite leaders who actually go out and win. And it's the realization that for things to get better, you need to get better. We're gonna dive deep into why this matters, why so many leaders resist it, and how you can implement it to make incredible progress in both your business and your life. Here's what I've seen in coaching thousands of leaders literally around the world. When things get stagnant, when they plateau, the first thing that leaders do is they look out the window. Who can I blame? Who is responsible for this? And they'll blame their manufacturer, they'll blame their team, they'll blame the economy, they'll blame the motivation. Now it's new to blame Gen Z employees. They just don't get it. They don't work hard, they're not good enough. But here's the deal. You are the lid to your organization and your team. Stalling and getting stall. All that is is a reflection of your leadership ceiling. You've bumped up against the edge of your skill set. I love how John Maxwell puts it because I've seen this so many times in so many places. The organization doesn't grow past the growth of its leader. The culture doesn't get sharper unless you get sharper. And the team doesn't get hungrier unless you are on fire. If you want better results, you have to become the kind of leader those results require. Not busier, not louder, not more frustrated, better, more self aware, more intentional, more focused, more coachable. I was working with a GM last year and he seemed to be stuck in this plateau. And for six months I'd come back and coach him. He was always looking out the window. He was always looking for what was wrong and it was just had him stuck. It was always the external factor. And finally I asked him one of my power questions that I want you to ask this question of yourself. And I just looked at him, I said, if nothing changed on your team but you got 20% better as a leader, what would happen? And I want you to ask that same question. If you had the same team, same problem, same difficulty, and the only thing that changed was you got 20% better as a leader, what would happen? And for him, that moment it flipped a switch. It was like something inside of his head changed. And immediately he shifted. He doubled down on his learning and he got vulnerable with his team asking for feedback. What did they need more of, what did they need less of? And he started listening more and talking less. And you can guess what happened. Results went through the roof. His numbers went up, his culture actually shifted. And his team started showing up different because he started showing up different. So here's your question for today. Where do you need to grow in order to unlock that next level for your team? Is it emotional control? Is it clarity in your communication? Is it the discipline to stop being reactive and start being intentional? You don't need to overhaul everything. You need to start with you. Every day in every dealership, there are leaders waiting for external change. But the leaders who win are the ones who become the change. Now, let's go all the way back to where we started. When you get to the end of your skill set, most of us look to blame. And you can blame or you can grow. I guarantee you right now you've been thinking of people who really need to hear this podcast. Because you're like, they need to hear this. They need to get better. Let me tell you who needs to hear this podcast. You need to hear this podcast because you need to get better. Now, Thursday, remember Talk. We're going to send stuff out. We're going to bring those people in. But for today, I need you to look at you. I need you to focus on you and what is one thing, one area where you need to start getting better at today. And then let's work on your 20% improvement so that even if nothing else changes on your team, you are going to improve by 20% and that is going to make all the difference. So please take a few minutes and write down where do you need to improve and what specifically are you going to do to get better? And I will see you tomorrow in the dealership war room.