The Ultimate Guide to Boosting Libido, Passion & Intimacy with Susan Bratton

Hey there, I'm Claudia von Boeselager, a former investment banker turned entrepreneur, longevity coach, biohacker, and mother of two. Once burnt out and overwhelmed with chronic health issues, I've transformed my life and helped thousands of people do the same. I've even reduced my biological age by 17 years. Yes, I'm 26 again. Now I'm here to share the tools, strategies, and inspiration to help you live healthier, happier, and longer. On this podcast, I interview world-leading experts in health, biohacking, mindset, and performance, and share personal stories and learnings to bring you the latest insights and tips. Think of this as your go-to space for real talk about all things health and optimizing your life. Ready to unlock your best self? Let's dive in. This is the Longevity and Lifestyle Podcast. My guest today is returning favorite Susan Bratton, globally celebrated as the intimacy expert to millions and a pioneer in sexual wellness and relationship transformation. With over 44 groundbreaking books and programs, including Sexual Soulmates and Revive Her Drive, Susan has spent decades helping individuals and couples unlock deeper connection, passion, and pleasure at every stage of life. Whether sharing her insights on betterlover.com, inspiring audiences on stages, or as the go-to guest on top podcasts, Susan's mission is bold and clear: to extend not just your healthspan but your sexspan, empowering you to cultivate lifelong intimacy, vitality, and joy. Today we'll dive into how to embrace intimacy as a longevity strategy, biohack your way to better sex, and explore Susan's transformative approach to passion and connection. Please enjoy.

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Today.

So welcome back to the Longevity and Lifestyle Podcast, Susan. It's a pleasure to have you back with us today. And Susan, I'd love to just jump in straight away and start with a big question. Yeah, if you could convince someone to prioritize their sex span as much as their health span.

Yeah.

What's the most compelling reason you'd give?

Yeah, it's interesting because, well, for me, it might be that it makes you look 10 years younger than your peers and live a longer, healthier, happier life than your peers. Like, there's a fork in the road where you begin to fight for your sex span because you understand the giant list of benefits of your sexuality, which I'd love to run through because people are surprised when they hear it. But I actually think the biggest issue is that if I say to you— now, your audience is a little bit different, Claudia, in that we generally— your followers are, you know, gung-ho around taking care of themselves and focused on it. But if I talk to a more, you know, less biohacking and more kind of mainstream audience, audience, you know, maybe like on a women's health show or something like that, I'm going to run up against the issue that, you know darn well, that high-intensity interval training and strength training and eating a lot of green vegetables are good for you, but you may not do them because of various obstacles in your life. And so when I talk about the benefits of sex ban, I usually actually talk about why you're not having the that you want? What's standing in the way? What are those obstacles that are, that are keeping you from actually doing the thing you want to do? Often, I write about, like, I recently wrote in my Longevity newsletter, and by the way, I love your newsletter.

Thank you.

You do— you— I, I mean, respect.

Thank you.

I respect your work, the level at which you give advice. Is beneficial at— on so— on so many— in so many facets. And you're really on top of things, and you write really well, and you cover interesting things. And so I just want to thank you for that.

My pleasure.

The, the thing that holds people back is more of a psycho Mindset, belief system, would you say? It's mind, body, spirit.

Yeah.

And like, I literally just got off the phone with a woman and I never do one-on-ones, but I just sometimes I just like to talk to people about what's holding them back. And, and the advice I gave her include— she was, she's in her 60s, 67, I think. She's got a new boyfriend. She had a really long, torturous, very bad sex marriage for most of her life. So, she's got some trauma around that and she feels like achieving an orgasm is nearly impossible for her. And she's done it, but she says sometimes it takes her 2 hours and then she's depressed because she's so bummed out about her body not responding the way she thinks it should. And so, I talked to her about her hormone balancing because she said her breasts were tender, so she didn't want her boyfriend to play with her breasts. And I was like, look, up your progesterone, lower your estrogen, and the breast pain will go away. And your breasts are one of the three, you know, turn-on axes, if you will, that help you get all the blood flowing to your genitals so that the tissue expands so that you have more surface area sending more signals of pleasure to your brain. And so I gave her a little advice on her hormones and vaginal prebiotic recommendation. So I'd fix the kind of body pieces that were bothering her. And then I gave her 3— what I call— I usually give them to men around performance anxiety, but I gave her 3 mindfulness sensation tools to help her with the honestly built-up anger that she's had. Like, she's still getting over the anger at being denied pleasure and feeling so far behind in her life. And then I gave her some orgasmic cross-training advice about— she has an air stimulator, and that's what she's using that's taking her 2 hours to achieve a solo pleasure climax. But I talked to her about activating internal and external simultaneously. So she's just— and she's a— she was a person who was involved in animal care. And I said, you know, when your animal gets a cut and it has to heal. It has to heal, and the skin has to come back together, but then the capillaries have to regrow, and then the nerves can follow. And so when you get a cut, at first it's kind of dead and numb, and slowly over time, with attention and touch, you can get everything to feel again. And I said, that's essentially what's happening for you, is that you have to grow back in blood vessels to grow back in the nerves because you, you're atrophied. You haven't had the kind of stimulation that you need. And I told her the other thing I would do is G-spot activation because you have this, you know, this built-up, these limiting beliefs about your ability that you've carried with you. Like, I'm not orgasmic. You know, you've really worn that groove deep. You are totally orgasmic. Everyone is. It's all in there waiting to come out. And you have a lot of built-up anger, and your genital structures have an enteric nervous system that holds emotional trauma, and you need to release that. And she said often when she's making love with her new boyfriend, she cries. And I said, that's good. That's not gonna last forever. You're gonna move through that. But when your G-spot is activated by your boyfriend, and he should be doing these G-spot activation sessions for you without any expectation of intercourse. This is healing time, healing and nurturing and sensual touch, not sexual touch. And when you do that, you're going to howl like a wolf, you're going to cackle like a chicken, you're going to screech like a witch, you're going to cry, you're going to, you're going to have all these things, but they— you move through that very quickly and you release that stuck upset that's blocking you from feeling the pleasure. And when you think about it, that's a very direct mind-body-spirit, mental, physical, you know, it's everything.

Yeah.

And that's what it can take for someone who feels like they haven't had the sex that they want. But for most people, the kind of what's holding them back is Except for if you don't have a partner, of course, but you can solo pleasure. You can teach yourself to have all the orgasms. You don't need— you don't need a partner. But generally, it's people who are like, my partner and I are disconnected. And mostly what I find is that it's a— it is a combination of them thinking that sex is just we're having intercourse and expanding the— literally the playing field by giving them a lot of sex ed play dates that they can learn how to be good in bed together. That breaks up that monotony and, and isn't like, oh, we have to schedule sex and I'm already losing around that. I want to schedule a thing again. Yeah, exactly. So making it exciting again. And also the notion that when you are Once you get over that, okay, we're going to have intercourse and that's what you're supposed to do, and you start to play, then that becomes more interesting than just having a glass of wine and watching a show together. You begin to want to try to do things like yoni massage, G-spot activation, lingam massages, full body touch, you know, yoni and lingam pleasuring, which most of your listeners probably aren't deep into tantric lovemaking. So, the yoni is the female genital system, the lingam is the male genitalia, but just hands-on touch and connection and generation of oxytocin and, and not just this goal of intercourse, but then also working on your intercourse skills, because chances are 9 out of 10 that this, the intercourse that you're having is kind of kindergarten, kindergarten, first grade level stuff, because that's all we see in the media and we think that's what it is and it's not. So also learning those skills so you, you get better at that. And so it's when you talk about sex, and I mean lovemaking, everything, not just intercourse, as something that you have to work at, it's personal development and sexual maturation and confidence building and skill building and communication building. And when you start to think about it that way, then it actually becomes a little more approachable and less kind of an insurmountable energy to get going because you're not thinking about it as just, oh, we've got to have intercourse. You're thinking about it as, oh, we're going to learn some new things together and expand our repertoire of skills and pleasure together. And so I think for many, doing the reframe is very important before you get into what the benefits benefits of sex are, and there are many, and I'd be happy to list them now. But I love to preface it because for a lot of people, they get turned off before I can get them to be tuned in to the possibilities.

Turned on as well. I'd love to hear them, but just maybe a comment to that. I think one of the keywords you said there was play. And I think across the board, this is such an important concept in life, in happiness, in longevity, you name it, in intimacy as well, that we reframe things from Okay, this is another hardcore thing that I have to like memorize and do properly. And I put pressure on myself and performance anxiety and all the rest of it to, hey, let's just have some fun. Let's play. Let's enjoy this. And there's no goal setting. There's no— there's perfect or nothing. And I think this is such an important concept. And this past week I had a podcast conversation with someone who used to be a hardcore biohacker, and I've also moved on from that and focusing more on life-spanning and like, how do you live better? And one key concept is this playing and playfulness.

Yes.

So, I love that you brought that up as well. Let's dig into the benefits.

Yes. Okay. And it's funny too that many people are willing to wait 20 minutes for a sauna to warm up, but not for a woman to warm up.

Oh, I love that.

And that's because women put pressure on ourselves to have arousal like men do. And we have as much erectile tissue in our vulva as our male body partners do in their penis, but they've got that fast-acting hemodynamics which gives them a quick and firm erection. It locks the blood into the penis for an erection, and women don't need or have that. We have slow seeping blood flow that requires first relaxation. So if we have a partner who's trying to get us going all the time instead of relax us and hold us and get us out of our head and into our body so we can let the blood let down into our pelvic bowl to engorge that tissue, to increase that surface area, to send more signals to our biggest, our biggest sex organ, our brain. We never get the level of pleasure our male-bodied partners do, and that makes us shy away over time from sex because it's never as good as we hoped it would be. And that's understanding the female arousal pattern and making women aware that we are not men, nor do we need to have sex like men, and that we're immersed in a society where every cue we get is male, you know, male-style sex rather than female-style. So we don't see it. So, how do we know? We think we're broken instead of society's patriarchal. So, and then men get as much of a disservice around this as women because then they're with women who think there's something wrong with them instead of realizing that it's just how our bodies work. So, men get screwed in this lack of education and thinking that our women should be like our men. And so, I think that's very important. So, the list of benefits of having pleasurable, relaxed, confident, orgasmic intimacy. And a lot of sexperts will say, oh, orgasm isn't that big a thing, you know, it's the closeness, it's the intimate. And I'm— it's bullshit, Claudia. Like, they don't even understand anything about orgasm. If that's—

that's when the hormones are released, right? That's where you get all the benefits.

A lot of the The majority of the benefits, I would dare say, come from the climactic experiences that we have. And because orgasms are simply learned skills, you have them all within you. There's 20 kinds you can have. You simply need to know the directions to the human operating system to evoke them. And sometimes, like my animal trainer, she has to think about herself as an animal in training and give herself the ability to move through trauma and into the pleasure. And that's why I use that story. It was fresh in my mind and so perfect for so many people.

Yes.

Then I want people to know that they are fully orgasmic. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not broken and that you just need to learn how to do it and it takes maybe 2 or 3 times and you'll do it. It's easy. It's easy to orgasm. It's not hard to orgasm. And there's— so there's just direct. It's like making a recipe. The first time you cook it, you do, oh, this is good, it's pretty good, but I would, you know, dice the onions, onions smaller, or put a little bit more, you know, tomato paste in it, or whatever it is. And the next time you cook it, it's better, and the third time you cook it, it's really tasty, and then it becomes one of your staple meals that delights everyone. It's literally how sex is. It's like cooking. You got a recipe, you follow the recipe, you get the outcome, but you can tune it to your tastes. It comes from experience and practice. So, list is number 1: it reboots your nervous system. It is very, very important to get to complete relaxation and rebooting because we live in a stressful time. And so, the lowering of your stress mechanisms may be the single most important aspect of sex. The second one that I think is very, very beneficial is— and you decide because everyone's different and they need different things— but the second one is generation of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone, and we get a cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters, which I'll come back to. But the oxytocin is very important because it's essentially— I mean, this is just an analogy, this isn't a medical statement, but it's an easy way to think about it— that the oxytocin is the antidote to the cortisol that your life is creating when you're alive as a human being on this planet in this time. And you need that to tamp down the cortisol and increase the oxytocin, because what oxytocin does— we're familiar with it for, you know, mothers breastfeeding, bonding to the infant, that kind of thing— but what it's really doing is it's expanding your heart center, your connection to and ability to love, because loving is also a learned skill. Muscle. And you can expand, you know, your heart is a muscle and a door. When the door opens and you get the hinge working and you open it to feel love, it can swing shut and hurt. You can get hurt by loving. But the more that you love, the easier that, that, that hinge moves, and the door doesn't slam so hard when you're done because you've got the love muscle getting stronger and feeling more love. And the interesting thing about love is when I love you— and Claudia, I love you, I respect you, you're beautiful, I am enjoying our deepening friendship, I really feel like a joy to be with you, and I would love to be more in your physical presence— and, you know, I love you. And I, I love loving you and I love giving you my love because it's really easy for me because I've practiced it. And I was a person who had a closed heart for most of my life. So I can tell you that once I learned it's a muscle, and when I give love, I get more heart muscle exercise even than when I receive it back. We can give it and we feel more of the loving feeling giving than even receiving.

I love that, Susan. I love that analogy. So it's all the same right back to you. And thank you so much as well. And I think one of the keys to happiness also is by feeling love when you give it. So you're not expecting it and people aren't waiting around. So I think feeling it as well. And I just want to touch on the point with the oxytocin and how powerful this is.

Yeah.

Dr. Mindy Pills was recently explaining.

Yeah.

Mindy's amazing, right? And I thought that this was so powerful. I saw a graph And it makes total sense if you think about it. As soon as cortisol is present, all of the reproductive hormones— so we're talking about the testosterone, the estrogen, the progesterone— they are suppressed. Why? Because if you think of evolution, if there is danger and you have a saber-toothed tiger chasing you, your body's not going to worry about reproductive hormones. It's all about survival. And then in terms of the cascade of hormones, what stands above, as you were saying, it's anecdote, but what's above cortisol, what will reduce cortisol is oxytocin. Oxytocin. And that can even be through hugs and simple gestures and, and physical presence and, and contact with people that we love and giving love. So it's so important to think, you know, people talk about perimenopause and menopause and hormones and, um, andropause also for men. If you can understand that when cortisol is present, it is impacting your hormones, and if you want to optimize for your hormones, you need to optimize for your oxytocin levels. So —just wanted to mention that point as well as you were talking about it.

Yeah, I love that. And what's interesting is that oxytocin is produced by a gut bacteria, Lactobacillus reuteri, and it— reuteri is very sensitive to antibiotics. So if you've had antibiotics, you've likely killed off most or all of the reuteri, which means you're a low oxytocin producer. And the way that I reconstitute my oxytocin stores is that I make my own homemade yogurt with Lactobacillus reuteri, and that's what I put in my morning smoothies or my yogurt bowl with my fresh berries or, and bananas or whatever I'm eating for breakfast. And I went from having almost no, none, probably no oxytocin, to now being just thrumming with it. And one of the interesting things about it, there were two things I noticed really big. One was that my awe for life returned. My awe from beauty, from art, from creativity, from music, from nature, from lovemaking, from family and friends returned. And that if I go without touch from my partner for like 4 or 5 days, I feel a drop in my oxytocin now. Very interesting. It encourages you to be close.

Oh yes, I love that. Where can people interested— and my radar went up as well, I didn't realize that, and I think that's fascinating— where do you source the bacteria, um, to add to your smoothies, etc.? Do you just take it from a probiotic, or, or where do you get it from?

Yeah, it's really easy. So Dr. William Davis taught me all of this. He's a wonderful podcast guest, one of my very favorites. He was my plus one at the A4M. He is the most charming person. He's written Wheat Belly, Super Gut, Undoctored, and he is on the board of a company called Oxycutix, and they make the L. reuteri in a capsule that you can just open the capsule put it in your milk or your nut milk. And I like to make my own homemade nut milk with an almond cow maker as well, because then I don't get the thickeners and I don't have all the plastic waste and all that. It's very easy to make yogurt and nut milk, like super easy. The first time you do it, you'll be like, okay, this isn't hard. And then by the third time, you're like, this is like nothing to make this stuff for myself.

You just throw them into the blender, is it? Or what do you do?

You throw it into— I like the Luvele. L-U-V-E-L-E is the yogurt maker, because it's a bain-marie. It's a water bath. A raw milk bath yogurt maker, and the reuteri is a little sensitive. And what you're trying to do is you're trying to get a very big colonization in the yogurt. So I use half and half, and my organic acid test fatty acid profiles are incredible. Real— like, my doctor said, I've literally never seen anyone with such a beautiful fatty acid profile. And I'm like, yes, thank you so much for my fatty acid profile. I'm all like, ooh, like, I don't I don't need to take Fatty 15. I got plenty because I eat, I drink, I use the milk, the yogurt from the milk, from the cream, the heavy cream. But you just put the capsules in there and you put a little bit of inulin, which is like artichoke fiber. It's a prebiotic that it eats and then it colonizes. And then you have it in your fridge and it lasts for weeks. So the Eleuteri is from Oxycutics. The Yogurt Maker is from Luvele. And Dr. William Davis on the Oxycutics Food Excite, they'll give you the recipe for how to do it. Perfect.

And thank you so much for sharing, and I'll link this for everyone listening in the show notes as well. And I'm excited to try it myself, so thank you, Susan. You're welcome.

And it makes your, uh, your hair shiny, it makes your skin better. Amazing. It whittles your waist, it nips your waist in. Perfect. Which is incredible too, because we will tend to get a bigger waist in, in menopause. And so my, my waist waist went— I went from, you know, a little nip in to like an hourglass figure by, by eating that yogurt. I mean, oh my God, it's like heaven. So that was really good. So that's some benefits, um, of the oxytocin generation. Getting awe back— Jesus, like, that's what we need in our lives is more awe and less rage. Yeah, so that's important. And then we talked about the neurotransmitter cascade. The serotonin is wonderful. A little dopamine, a little serotonin, yum, yum, yum. Who doesn't want some more of that? It also— good orgasmic sex is a vascular event. I mean, when you're like, wow, you know, you've got blood pumping, it's shooting up to your brain. And when you're touching a lot of different areas of your vulva when your clitoral structures are activated, when your labial structures are activated, when your perineal sponge, when your urethral sponge, which they call a G-spot but it's a long tube, when the vaginal mucosal tissue is activated, when the cervix is activated, when all of that is happening and you're having that orgasm, what's happening is that as you bring those areas online, those when you start,— like the woman I talked to today, she's using an air stimulator on the tip of her clitoris, so she's really focused right there. But as she— I told her to have her boyfriend do the G-spot activation and the yoni massage and get the labia involved. And as she starts to do that, she's starting to send those neural signals to her biggest sex organ, her brain, and she's getting way— she's getting way more signals to her brain, her biggest sex organ, because all these parts are coming online. Often when women are learning how to orgasm— well, when human bodies— I don't even mean women, all people can have 20 kinds of orgasms— they're touching some part of their genitals or their breasts or their lips and mouth. And when you're activating that tissue, it might start out about kind of not feeling like anything. Like she said to me, oh, my breasts, I don't, you know, I don't really feel anything. I said, you will keep playing with them and they will come online. This is all you have to do. If you want nipplegasms and breastgasms, play with your nipples and your breasts. And so what you're doing is you're starting to activate the signals. So the brain's starting to go, oh, oh, I can, oh, I can. You transform pain or shame or numbness into sensation and then pleasure. They are pleasure centers. They are erogenous zones that need activation. So when women think, oh, there's something wrong with me, I'm broken— no, babes, you're not broken. You're perfect. It's all right there. Just play with it, right? So we're back to play again. So that vascular event is lighting up all these different parts of— I think it's called the anterior cingulate. I mean, there's a lot of places that light up in the brain, but my friend Dr. Nan Wise, who is a neuroscientist, a sexologist and neuroscientist— I think I mentioned her to you before— she has mapped the brain during orgasm in an MRI. And when you touch different parts, different parts light up. And when you light up the brain with oxygenated blood flow, you, especially before you go to bed, then you've got all this healing oxygenation and blood flow in the brain. And you know how you are detoxing your brain at night. So now you're getting more blood up there to carry away all of the stuff you're trying to get rid of at night. So a good orgasm before bed is— it's fantastic.

Your brain starts aging backwards, which we all want, right?

So you're aging your brain backward. Another thing that's really good is that sex produces more— orgasm produces more natural killer cells, NK cells. And NK cells are really coming online with awareness in the health field because, you know, we've started talking about PRP, then we started talking about exosomes, now we're talking about stem cells. And now we're talking about NK cells, being able to isolate and culture NK cells and reintroduce them because natural killer cells are these cells that gang up on senescent cells and cancer cells, any kind of broken cellular material. And they, they're like little Pac-Man, they eat it up and they get rid of it. So it's anti-carcinogenic, essentially anti-cancer. Causing. So you've got NK cells, you've got higher IGF-1 for immune function, you're generating a lot of good gut health when you're having orgasmic pleasure, when you're doing that. Another thing that's really interesting is the, the, the contents of semen. And I know you and I are both fans of Leslie Kenney and Oxford Health Healthspan and the Primadine product, which is— Primadine is spermidine. Spermidine, spermidine, spermine, and putrescine. And it was originally isolated in semen. That's why it's called spermidine. And the reason that the ancient Taoists practiced semen retention— they were— they had harems, they had concubines, they could have as much intercourse as they wanted, but they wouldn't ejaculate for longevity's sake because they wanted to conserve the spermidine because it supports 9 of the 12 longevity hallmarks of aging. Hallmarks of aging. Thank you. Like telomere length and all of these kinds of things. And so that's very interesting that the semen when your partner shares that with you as a female-bodied person, you're getting testosterone. You're also getting that from his saliva. And so testosterone is the molecule of lust and libido. So you're getting extra T. And I, I replace my testosterone. I do testosterone replacement, and I love that, which is great for women in general. Yeah, it gives us courage, it helps us with muscle, it helps us with cognitive function, it helps us with libido. I mean, That was another thing I told my animal trainer today, was, you know, add testosterone. You're doing your estrogen and progesterone. Your doctor forgot the most important thing.

It's a game changer.

Yeah, so testosterone, you get luteinizing hormone, which regulates your cycles even after menopause. You get some serotonin, so you get a mood lifter. So you're getting serotonin from your partner as well as generating yourself during during sex. So you're getting that mood-lifting experience. So what happens is that all of these things, including like the vascular push, if you will, of orgasm, that's also sending out more blood flow to your whole body. When you get kind of pink in the face from sex, you get this wonderful opportunity to have better skin because your skin, as you age, you vascular retraction and then your skin wrinkles. And so you're getting, you know, like I can also feel when I orgasm any kind of scarring that I have because I had a facelift. I get back behind my ears, I can feel the blood flowing more deeply into that scar tissue that I'm always working to break up so that it heals and I get all that sensation back. So there's just like innumerable benefits of orgasmic pleasure. Wonderful.

Let's talk about biohacking your way to better intimacy. So if someone wanted to start biohacking their sex life today, what are, say, 3 simple changes they could do immediately?

Yeah, number 1 would be taking a nitric oxide booster— citrulline is a better pathway generally, according to the clinical data, than, than any other pathway. And I like food-derived— have I ever sent you my Flow product? I don't know if I've ever said— no, you haven't. All right, I will send it to you because I make a nitric oxide booster because I like food-derived supplementation, naturally derived supplementation, rather than lab synthesized. Yeah, you wouldn't have— yes, just like with primidine. I like that because it comes— and I'm a glue— I take the gluten-free version because it comes from chlorella. Yes, rather than from the lab. So the supplement that I make, Flow, and I will send you some— I'll send you a 6-month supply of this so you have it if you'd like to— it comes from organic watermelon rind. The watermelon is called Citrullus vulgaris, and citrulline citrulline comes from the rind of watermelon. You can pickle watermelon rind and it's fantastic for nitric oxide production. It's like kimchi, but it's citrulline-based. So, that's a very good prebiotic. And then, it also has spinach powder in it for the greens because the greens are what create nitric oxide in your body. But, the problem is that our vegetables are agribusiness farmed and the nitrogen in the soil is depleted. Yeah. So we're not getting the— even if we ate our vegetables like good girls every single day, multiple times a day, the amount of nitrogen is so low that it's, it's hard. So supplementing is very good. This also has a bitter cherry in it for vitamin C for absorption, and it also has pine bark, pyrocyanidin. Are the pine bark. They're very similar to what comes in cacao. Cacao and pine bark tannins work very similarly for blood flow. And so supporting— and take them at night and before lovemaking. Those are the— that's when you're, you're increasing and replacing your stores, because you have multiple nitric oxide systems that move the blood around in your body, and the more efficient they are, the more you're getting the blood everywhere you need it all the time. Because we don't have blood everywhere all the time. Our vascular system has to— it needs tone to push the blood flow to our pelvic bowl, to our penis, to our vulva, etc. So nitric oxide, number one. Hormone replacement, number two. And probably number three would be the hugging and holding holding. I teach a technique. It's actually— I'll give it to your, to your listeners. It comes out of this— one of my most popular little books is Sexual Soulmates: The Six Essentials to Connected Sex. And essentially, it's— I gave advice to a zillion people over a number of decades, and what worked the best were these six 6 things to transform having sex into making love, to replace just friction, rubbing your genitals together to get off, into connection. And one of the techniques in there is the Soulmate Embrace, and it's very, very helpful, especially for polarity in your relationship, where if your partner holds you in this certain embrace, which is a full-body embrace lying down side by side. And there are some little steps to it that allow a woman to not feel like she has to jump out of bed and run away. She gets flight fright, sewing machine legs, inability to settle. She's stressed out. She's got a, you know, she's nervous. She needs to be calm. Calmed so she can get turned on. And this Soulmate Embrace, it's at SoulmateEmbrace.com. You can print it out and you can give it to your partner. And there are stories in it, but there's also a one-page checklist for your partner who's like, just tell me what to do in a simple way. And so it's kind of something for everyone. And when you start your lovemaking dates with the Soulmate Embrace, It is much easier for you to achieve your orgiastic ecstasy by having this calming first, which allows your blood to flow into your genitals, begins your climb up the arousal ladder, leads to more connection, satisfaction, etc. So I would say those are probably the 3 3 biggest biohacking tips. 2 are body-based, but 1 is very emotionally based. Beautiful.

And you work with treatments like Gainswave and FemiWave. So what are some of the most exciting breakthroughs you've seen in non-invasive sexual health therapies recently?

Yeah, I've been a spokesperson for Gainswave for about 5 years, maybe 6. I think this might be my 6th year. I went to them and I Claudia, what you're doing is so much better than anything out in the marketplace, and I am lucky to have a fairly large platform, and I want to tell people about you because they trust me. And what Gainswave is, is it's an acoustic wave technology that is applied to the genital structures, to the penis, to the vulva, and what it does is it basically uses sound waves sound waves, and the sound waves kind of knock the plaque off of the arteries in the genital structures so that you can get that flexibility of the tissue in the blood supply. Is it the elasticity of the tissue? It's the endothelial cells, which are— you've heard of the glycocalyx and the endothelial cells and vascularization. The endothelial cells, when they get calcium that calcifies over the fats that are caught in the arteries, it gets stiff. The stiffening of the arteries, atherosclerosis, affects the genital structures first because they have the smallest supply. So that's why your husband's erectile dysfunction is the canary in the coal mine that he's got heart disease. And so what the GAINSwave does is it knocks that back so you get that flexibility so you can get the blood flow in and keep an erection for the male, but it also stimulates new tissue growth when you do slight bits of light micro-damage to the entire vulva, and penis. It goes deep in there. And what's nice with Acoustic Wave— Gainswave has a new device called the OmniWave, which is adjustable so you can use different depths into different tissue areas to stimulate the tissue revitalization. It reverses atrophy and it stimulates and revitalizes the tissue, grows new tissue. When it grows new tissue, it grows new vascularization. When those capillaries start to reach into that new tissue, then the nerves follow along and you regain sensation. A lot of women complain that they have what they call vanishing clit, where they literally can't find their clitoral structure. Structure external anymore. Their labia is sagging, their vagina is lax, they've lost lubrication, they've lost sensation, and they have incontinence. And GAINSWave is applied from the outside, but it deeply goes into all that tissue. It re— it reestablishes the pelvic floor strength. It helps with the bladder. It helps me get the meatiness back to the clitoral structures. And so, it's doing all— and it's reconstituting that, that, you know, it's helping with that vaginal laxity, thickening that tissue again. And so, when the tissue is thicker, and using estrogen with it really helps because the estrogen thickens the tissue as well. It makes our skin less papery everywhere, whether it's mucosal or external epidermal tissue. Tissue. And what that does is it's able to hold more fluid in that vaginal mucosal lining. Women who say they're dry, often it's because of a combination of the blood flow to the pelvic bowl, the loss of nitric oxide, and the thinning of the tissue due to the loss of estrogen. So when you replace the nitric oxide and the estrogen, and you stimulate the new tissue growth, you have this combination where everything just gets— I mean, at 63, Claudia, I have never been more juicy and lubricated, and the grip of my pelvic musculature is better than it's ever been. My orgasms are so intense, they are crazy.— I can't even believe I can show up here with my hair combed down because it's usually just shooting straight out of my head from orgasmic ecstasy. So, it's really incredible how juicy and vital you can stay with these sexual regenerative therapies like Gainswave, hormone replacement, nitric oxide. And for men especially, but also women, vacuum erection devices— the penis pump, the vulva pump, the clitoral pump, the nipple pump— these things can really keep— the vacuum sucks the blood into the tissue, so it pushes the capillaries and you get more blood-carrying capacity. And, and that means more plumpness, more engorgement, more erectile function to send more signals to your biggest sex organ, your brain, to feel more pleasure.

See how it all works together? Works together exactly. I love it. You're such a role model at 63 as well. So I think pretty much every woman wants to be like you at 63, Susan. So thank you for being so amazing as well. Looking at some practical tips for rekindling passion. Yeah. What is the number one mistake that people make in their relationship when it comes to intimacy and how to fix it? And typical things may be like, oh, I don't have time for sex. You know, what's your best tips and advice for people to really rekindle passion in their relationship if it's stale?

Yeah, it's boredom, and it's the focus on just getting straight to orgasm without enough what we would call in our universe foreplay, but I call call overall lovemaking. I don't like to think about sex as intercourse. I like to think about sex as all kinds of erotic playdates, some of which can be intercourse but do not have to be. And what I have done is I've put together, you know, I've written hundreds of passionate lovemaking techniques and tens of bedroom communication skills, and those are all really good to learn, and we're not taught any of them. And most people are at a kindergarten or first-grade level in their sex life, even people who have done tantra or kink or any— or read some books, because we don't see any examples of what really good sex looks like. So one thing that I recommend is I have a program. Let me see, do I have it around here? Yeah. It's called the Steamy Sex Ed Video Collection, and it's 8 videos that show passionate lovemaking between couples. And it's created for couples to watch together so that you can see what sex that's not porn looks like, and you can learn over 200 different pleasuring techniques. So I recommend that couples watch it together. It comes digital, but I just like to hold up the physical. Some people still don't have broadband and they want a DVD, so I literally make them available. The Steamy Sex Ed video collection is interesting because I recommend the couples snuggle up in bed and watch it together and point out the things that look the best to them. Oh, I'd like to try that. Oh, I'd like to do that to you. Oh, I'd like you to do that to me. That is number one, and then you can turn off the audio and just put on your own sexy playlist and follow along, like with the erotic massage. Practice. You can follow along and just say, now here's what I'm doing to you, now here's what I'm doing to you. Because as your partner is touching you and telling you what they're doing while you're lying there in bliss, you're actually getting a sense of what they're touching, and that's what's transforming that, that numbness and that shame and perhaps even pain into into pleasure for you. And so you learn a lot doing that. And then the second thing that I recommend is the sex life bucket list.

Have I told you about that before? The sex life bucket list? I think you mentioned last time, but let's talk about it again. So if you want to share it here.

Yeah, I'd love to know what's on your bucket list when you have a chance to do it. It's really interesting to me because I have thousands of people who email me back after they do the bucket list and say, here's what's on my list, here's what's on my list, here's my list. And there's a wide variety. Mostly though, the guys are so cute, they're like, my number one is whatever she wants to do, you know, which is— men are so loving and so giving and they want to do such a good job. But the Sex Life Bucket List has 48 erotic playdates. It's a free download, it's at sexlifebucketlist.com, and I give you a PDF that you print out. I'll show it to you. I think I probably have it right here. Yeah, you get this little PDF and you print it out and I walk you through. I give you a little 40-minute video where I walk you through this personalized sex life plan where essentially I walk you through these 48 different playdates and you mark down an A, B, or C in each one. I explain them to you and you say, okay, that's an A for me, I definitely want to do that, or that's a B for me, which means if you want it on— if it's an A for you, I'm willing to do it.. And Cs are, it's not for me right now. Maybe I'll return to it, but it's not what I want to focus on. You know, somebody wants to do G-spot activation. Another couple wants to film themselves having sex and watch it and talk about it. Another couple wants to have sex in new locations, you know, and do, you know, like maybe they're slightly exhibitionist, or there's a lot of different things, but nothing on that video and that printout is going to cause you to be embarrassed in front of your partner. These are very lovemaking, sexy, new things. And when you do new things together, you, you reverse that monotony of monogamy and you begin to grow together. And what you get back is new relationship energy. The thing that you had when you first were hot for each other comes back because you're beginning as beginners. You're getting that feeling. And the thing about desire is that it's a very simple equation. It's a combination of trust and safety and security and, and, and, you know, you want to be with your partner and you trust that they're going to do a good job and treat you well. You need that. But without the variety and novelty, the trust and safety becomes boring. So desire is generated when you add new things. And there are a lot of partners who have resistance to new things, and you have to understand that all that is is fear. And fear transforms through education, through learning about what things are. So between the workshop-y first, you know, erotic playdate of the sex life bucket list and Seeing what you're going for with Steamy Sex Ed, you kind of get that view into what possibility is and how beautiful it is and how good and wholesome it is, actually. And that kind of gets you over the fear. And then once you start doing things and having success, you're just like, oh my god, this is amazing.

Amazing. And the only thing you probably want to do for most of the day as well. So, Susan, you've been— you've championed the idea of orgasmic cross-training. How can people use it? And maybe you can explain what it is, and how can they use it to enhance their pleasure and vitality over time?

Yes. So I do want to watch our time, Claudia von Boeselager.

I know we're at 6 o'clock now.

Do you have a hard stop?

I do, honey.

Do you think we could Um, we'll end it now.

So let me— sorry, I got so— no problem at all. I know we had a bit of a delay at the beginning. It was a little late. Sorry. That's okay. Yeah. So Susan, thank you so much for your wonderful tips. It's been such a pleasure to have you on for round 2. Where can people learn more about what you're up to? Social media, website? What, what would you like to share with people?

And we'll link it in the show notes. Thank you so much, Claudia. I just love talking to you. Um, you're, you're so smart. It's just really a pleasure to speak to someone so intelligent and experienced, because it lays— everything I say lays so well right into all of your knowledge.

I really feel that with you. Well, I'm an eternal student, Susan, and I'm learning from you, so I thank you.

I love that. It's my pleasure. Um, people can find me at betterlover.com. That's the single— I mean, you can follow me on social medias and stuff, but betterlover.com is my newsletter. I send it out twice a week. And if you like the kinds of things I've been talking about, as well as communication skills and all of those things, betterlover.com is the place for you. If you get on my newsletter and you reply to anything I send you with any question you have, I will answer you because that's what makes me good at what I do. And it goes right to my inbox, so it is private. It's not something that's seen by my team. I've got a team of 20, but they don't get those. I get those. So you're welcome to connect with me after your, you know, this episode with Claudia von Boeselager. So thank you for having me.

I adore you. I adore you too, Susan. Thank you so much for being you, for your wonderful work, for being such a role model to millions, if not billions, I should say, because half the world's planet are women and men, of course, as well. So to all of us. So thank you so much for coming back on for your time today. And thank you, dear audience, for listening.