Discipline Alone Can’t Make You Successful, Use THIS Instead… | Bryan Callen

Hi. Welcome back to the Big Deal podcast. I'm Cody Sanchez, and this is for those of you who don't want to just be rich but free and do what it takes to get there.

Okay?

This week, Brian Callan. Oh, my fucking God. So good. I was on the floor laughing this entire podcast. Also learning things that I never expected to learn. If you don't know Brian, he has been an actor and a comedian for decades. You might have seen him in the Hangover one, the Hangover two, you know, ride Along. He had mad tv, and he is on Joe Rogan constantly. In fact, he left my podcast today and went to Joe Rogan afterwards. Brian is an incredibly skilled actor and comedian with a huge Netflix special that's going to be coming out soon. But I think one of the most interesting parts about this podcast today was listening to if you want to be funny, is there a way to actually do it? And I loved his answer on this. If you're a young man and you're not maybe getting as many chicks as you want or the attention that you want, could you use comedy to actually solve that? Three, do comedians make any money? And how. Same goes with actors. Four, what's going on right now with all of these politicians on these comedic platforms? What's happening? Why? And I think that answer sort of blew me away. And then finally, some kind of deep questions about how do you become a better human? How do you become a better parent, maybe, especially if you've got a little cash and you want your kid to be better than you were. And a wild story about what it actually takes to be really successful over time. And his answer surprised me. It's not going to be what you think. So, without further ado, let's get into Brian Callan and apologize for the hyena cackle of mine. You're going to hear often, although sometimes they call it a donkey bray. You could really take your pick. Let's get into Brian. Oh, wait. Also, you guys, if you haven't haven't subscribed to the podcast, make sure you do. And this week we just went right into this bad boy. There's no, like, hi, Brian. Hi, Cody. Thank you for coming to the podcast. We just roll. So tell me if you like that this week, will you tell me in the YouTube comments and also let me know on the actual podcast. Okay, off we go. I love talking to my friends on this podcast about how they made their millions, how they became owners, how to solve their problems, and I love sharing these talks with you guys because I Think that's how we get rich together. But when I can't meet in person to do this, there's one tool I use. Riverside. Riverside ensures I can talk to anyone, anywhere, record it in high resolution, and. And have a quality video that I can share. Riverside records separate audio and video tracks so we can easily cut back and forth between those inevitable, awkward interactions. But if you're not into detailed editing, Riverside's got your back. They have this in platform editing software that get. This is 99% accurate. And if that's not cool enough, they've got an AI platform where they can actually do show notes, summarize your content, add SEO required to descriptions, and it's all programmatic. So you can do what Riverside does and use it for interviews, presentations, podcasts, and more. I love it because I don't have time for complex. That's why we use this technology, because when I get a deal, you get a deal. If you guys want to use Riverside, go to the link in description and use the code Cody, and you get a deal, too. You got a thing for, like, dangerous animals. We've already talked about wolves here.

It's all a gimmick. It's all bull.

Is that. Is that like a.

Is that a. Brian started with Rogan and I back. Back in the day. He's obsessed with, like, you know, crocodiles and grizzlies and so. But, you know.

But you're not.

No, I mean, I like that. You know, it's. It's. I can talk to you about, like, who I think would win in a fight, a tiger or a grizzly. And it's ridiculous conversation. Is that. But I'll get into it.

Like, you go to the data.

The difference between Kobe and Jordan or Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson. I can. I can pontificate and give you my useless opinion based on, you know, my guy energy. But.

But people like it.

Yeah.

Yeah. They want to know, yeah, you're funny. Are people ever weird around you because you're funny? And so then they try to be funny. Like, I got a little nervous when you came over. I'm like, I'm trying to tell a joke. I'm not funny naturally. Stop telling jokes.

It's not true, though. It's like. It's like humor is. Are we rolling?

Yeah.

Oh, humor's. Humor's how we. If you think about humor, there's an intimacy to humor. Right. So typically, you can, a lot of times mark a lot of the great moments in your life with how much you are laughing with people. Yeah. Especially your friends. And I think something about laughter is. It's a little bit like taking the whole chessboard and throwing it in the air. But by the way, don't underestimate how important it is to be able to laugh.

Yeah.

A guy like me, if he's around somebody and they. They are connected and they're really laughing. Yeah, that's incredibly. That's. That's also amazing. That's a form of I'm having an effect on you and you're having an effect on me. Yeah. So, you know. But yeah, a lot of people feel really insecure when they're around the comic. I can't be funny like you guys. He can. Yeah.

That's gotta be a normal interaction, right? Yeah, well, yeah, it's interesting and probably lessened once they're actually around you. Then they're just like, oh, okay. It's normal.

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think you can always be funny. My. My default is probably funny because it's a way of coping with the chaos and enormity of life. And maybe the. The fact that part of what's hard about life in some ways is you can do everything right, plan everything to the nth degree, and I promise you, most likely you will be derailed because it's just how it happens. And it's supposed to happen that way. But the way you can cope with that is to, you know, not take yourself or it too seriously.

Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. I'm like a big Alan Watts fan.

Do you know? I mean, he studied the Vedanta. You know, he. That's why he always said, I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Buddhist. Alan Watts was always somebody who talked about cultivating the Witness. Right. So you're not your mind, you're not your emotions, you're not your body. You are that observer, you know, and that sort of. So whatever happens to you, you can actually embrace. Don't resist it. You know, I love when he said something to the effect that you can't improve yourself or the world. That's a hard thing for especially Western people to hear because we have improved the world. We have manipulated our environment. But in fact, you know, if you were to come in and try to make everything right in this room and turn everything topside up, there'd be a topside down as well. And it's a beautiful way of doing it. Like, the part of you that wants to improve yourself is the one. Is the part that needs improving. So you're in the circle, you know. Yeah.

It's so true. Yeah. Do you ever listen to his. He has like these great little Spotify playlists where people put like lo fi beats to his stuff. That's how I know I'm like middle aged, I'm listening to like self help while I listen to music. That's not great. Yeah.

You know, that's what you get to. I think that you start to realize that accomplishment and, you know, if you get whatever attention and status, what are the things you do? You know, when I was 53, I think 52, I. I drew a line through sort of everything that I had come to LA to do. It was kind of cool, right? I just went, I did this, you know, and. And you better be careful when you do that because it's not actually. When you get to the top of that wall, whatever it is that you set for yourself, you're going to realize that there's got to be something more. You somehow need something to push against. If you take away what you have to push against. This is a bit trite, right? We've heard this a thousand times, but I just. I don't know, man. I think the reach is more important.

Yeah, well, it's kind of the same thing with money. People always go, nah, actually like, happiness doesn't increase materially after about $500,000 a year in income. And when I was young and I heard that, I thought, I'm gonna fucking try. Like, let's just see. Like, let's see what happens. And then you do get. I don't know if I believe the $500,000 mark, actually. I think there's like a few more levels of the game, but. But like, you know, you can't hear it until you get there. And then you might be able to understand. I always like the Alan Watts thing where he's like, I don't know why it fucked me up so much, but remember when he talked about how he's like, think about life, like music or a song. Like, what if, what if we listen to music and we were just like, ah, the point is, like to get to the end of that song. Like, we just wanted to get there as fast as possible. Then we'd go to a concert and the concert would just be like a cacophony of noises until like, as fast as possible it was done. That would be silly. That would be so silly. And he's like, that's how we are in life.

He also said if you, if you were to achieve enlightenment, let's say you just were to achieve this thing, this elusive goal called enlightenment. You'd be right here, right here in the same place, nothing would change. That's an important concept too.

Yeah, it's true.

So you know, and I think that, I think about that a lot. You can make a lot of money. Good for you. I know people who've got a lot of money and you, you will buy a lot of safety and comfort. And I had this thing, it's part of what I'm writing about my, my special, which I'm going to shoot actually at Rogan's place in January. So you got to come by.

Absolutely.

And, and it's about. I don't think the Garden of Eden was paradise. I think the Garden of Eden was a form of hell, which is why there was an apple, that, which was why there was an escape portal, which was that snake and apple. Because I don't think you'd want to be in a garden where nothing could kill you, where nothing. The only reason you want to ride a motorcycle really fast is you might fall and lose all the skin on one side of your body. Sorry. The only reason you'd rather pet a tiger over a cow is the tiger might turn around and bite your face off. That's exciting, right? You know, everything is that way now if you take away that struggle. So you know, the idea that she bit the apple because she was a sinner, she would probably call it an escape. You know, get me the out of here because I, I need some, I need to not know what's around that corner. That's called adventure. And if you have no adventure, you have no fun. And so that, that's kind of. And, and, and if you make a lot of money, if you do it all right and you, and you hit every, every marker for yourself. And I'm going to quote my friend who studies in Vedanta. He said you can hit every, every goal you set for yourself and ruin your kids lives. And to, to extrapolate on that, if your kids have never flown commercially, you're probably going to spend a lot of money on rehab later on. Ain't that the bit?

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Well, and also, you know, a lot of times these days you see these really successful, quote unquote successful people and their kids are fucking nightmares. And you're like, how good of a human are you? If you had like sort of one real job in life, which was you brought this person in, like, that's kind of your fault one way or the other.

It's hard. It's so hard, though.

Do you have kids? This says from somebody who has zero.

Kids, I have four kids. It's hard because it's the handicap of wealth, right? You know, it's, it's, it's. I grew up. The way I grew up was my father was. Made some money, not a lot, but he was, he was a banker and other things. And, and I grew up all over the world and I grew up in the 70s in the developing world. So I lived, I was born in the Philippines. I lived in India, in Calcutta and Bombay. I then moved to Lebanon and then Pakistan and then Lebanon again. And I was in the war. And then we were evacuated to Greece and then Saudi Arabia. Now in that time we also travel to, I don't know, places like mainland China, all over Africa, most eastern East Africa, actually, I shouldn't say all over. And, and, and places like I said Yemen, but mainland China, Yemen, Africa, Syria, everywhere. I went everywhere.

Only the night.

And what I saw. Yeah, and what I saw was real poverty. People who are on the losing side of history. But guess where I saw it from? From behind the pain of my, of an air conditioned car. The glass of an air conditioned car. I was, I was, I was protected by the, these United States. I was an American citizen, a white kid with blonde hair. And I saw kids my own age begging. I saw when I was in Kenya, we were in the countryside and I gave somebody. I hated my lunch. We had these box lunches. We were on safari and I gave it and they tore it. They fought over it. That's humiliating for me, you know, that's because what happens is you're so embarrassed by how lucky you are for no reason. You're so embarrassed by the fact that I knew. Even as a kid, I was like, I've never had my belly empty. And I'm seeing real poverty, real. I saw leprosy. People your age have never seen full blown fucking leprosy in a marketplace in Damascus. I have. I saw that stuff with my own eyes. And when I say that, I'm talking about somebody with no nose and no fingers with advanced leprosy. I saw that. I walked by that in the bazaar. I saw people with elephant hiatus because they didn't know what to do. So I saw these advanced diseases as a kid. I saw them. I smelled it. I was right next to it. And I saw. When you walk through a souk, when you walk through a bazaar, whether it's Pakistan or in. And I was very young or in Syria, when you're a very young kid and nobody gives you context. I remember being. I think I was 14. 14. I went to Russia when I was 18 and I was with my friend who spoke Russian. We were in Gorky park. And this is when it was a communist country. Everything was monitored. But I stole away. I hooked up with this beautiful girl named Svetlana. I'll never forget it. It was so awesome.

I was 18. Of course you did.

Had sex with her and her friend at 18. I'm not kidding. And like her and her friend Kristina. And my friend was like, oh, he was all like. I was like. They were like 21. It was. They're probably cosmic hotel Russian agents. Crazy story. I don't. Yeah, whatever. Put me in Siberia, bro. It was the greatest. 18 years old. I was like, it was incredible. But. But I remember being in Gorky park with these Russian. They were asking me in Russian because my friend was able to interpret. They were asking me what kind of cars they were. I gave the kid my Nikes and my blue jeans and they were like, they couldn't believe it. Like, it was like currency. The same thing with mainland China. When I was there in 1981, I was 14, I think. And I remember everyone was in a blue. Blue pants and blue shirts and they had the same haircut and they were all on bicycles. Because with Mao and the communists, they wanted to get rid of category. Right? I saw that stuff. And so again, you know, you get to go back to the United States. You get to go back to wherever you are. We are safe. We have representative government. We don't have to worry about a knock on the door. You never have to worry about where your food's coming from. You. You never have to. Most importantly, see how humiliating it is for your mother, your father, to not be able to feed you and the family to not be able to kind of like even speak their mind. I never had that. My father was my hero because he was an American and he was able to say whatever he wanted and he had money and he was able to. It's like this. The best way to put it is this. I grew up in a part of the world where you had to forego who you could be for who you had to be. Yeah. And I'm quoting Daryl Cooper now because he said that in a podcast I listened to. So I don't want to take credit for it, but. But I thought about that a lot. And that really, that. That creates a lot of guilt in you and a lot of shame, you know, is that it should probably. I don't know where we were going with this, but you were talking about.

Well, it's interesting because I sometimes think that maybe the reason why we had that whole white privilege movement where we were shaming children for being white and American. Yeah, I think it's. It's really pernicious.

White people are not privileged.

Exactly. But I think that it was a little bit based on some of the people had these ideas. They're like, well, I've lived this way. I've never had hardship and I don't know, I'd be curious. Your take. Part of my thought there is like, I don't know, instead of being guilty and shameful, why don't you do fucking something with what you got? Like, did you.

Yeah, that's how I did. I've never. Yeah, I mean. No, no, no, listen, what I. What I did is I. What's good about having historical perspective and perspective in general is you go, I'm lucky. I get to. I get to make a living with my imagination. I get. I get to do something called original self expression and make money. Yeah. I mean, what are you talk. And I'm not going to do that. That's why I work so hard. That's why like. Like, I don't want to die thinking I didn't mine everything I could. This next special. The best fucking thing I've ever done in my life. The best. And. And I can't wait. But it better be. It better be.

You know, you actually have a wild, like, thought. I've seen a Couple different times. That's super counterculture, which is, you don't like discipline. You prefer inspiration. Explain. Like, what does that mean? And how does. How do you actually use that?

I don't think discipline is sustainable. I mean, I know it's sustainable. If you're a Navy SEAL and you have to deal with being uncomfortable for a long period of time, nobody can sustain that ultimately. Every time I meet somebody who's really intense, I see these sales guys. This guy. This guy. I don't care. His name is Base. He's like. He's jacked and he's. And he's all the supplements. I'm jealous of his body. But. But he's like, I don't get tired. I do not get tired. I'm like, hey, bro, this Adderall is kicking in right now. I get it, but good luck with that. Like, stop it and shut the. Shut up. Shut up. You know? Like, you can't do that. It's good. If you're a young man and you want to get off your ass and come up with a game plan. Cool. But once that caffeine rush or Adderall wears down, you're going to have to. You know, success is consistency over a long period of time. And you better be inspired. You better get to why you're doing it.

How do you. How do you get inspired? Like, what does that look like for you?

I am. I've always been interested in potential. Right. So I want to know. I love the idea of you don't know what you're capable of.

Yeah.

You know, I use this expression, which is, your best self is clearing his throat in the other room. Right. You're fucking up over here, but, you know, you should be doing something else because you could be so much better over there. You have perfect teeth, by the way. Oh, thanks. Really sorry to put you on the spot, but, yeah, I love a compliment.

You never have to apologize for that.

But, you know, that's kind of like. That should be for all of us. Like, who are you? Who are you really supposed to be? Right? When God. When you get up to heaven or wherever it is, and God's got your entire life on a piece of paper, like, looking at you with that same expression your dad used to have when you get your report card, right? I want him to be looking at me going, hey, you did your best. You know, you did a good job. Or, hey, you reached. You know. Yeah, I grade on a curve. Come on in.

There's so funny you say that, because I am obsessed with this Emma Bombeck quote, have you ever heard it? It's when I stand before God at the end of my days, I hope that I can say to him, I have not one drop left. I used everything you gave me. And that for me. Now, she's kind of a crazy feminist person, but she the quote, totally. You know, a lot of times, like you, for example. I mean, God, I was looking at your resume. It's wild. It's like you've acted in all these huge movies, like, you know, Hangover, Hangover 2, you know, Ride Along. You've done all these incredible TV shows. You know, you've done the full gamut of, like, acting. And then you decided to got to get into comedy, which I want to talk about, too. But a lot of people will probably say, like, all right, you could have been good. You made plenty of money. It doesn't happen as much in Hollywood. I feel like people just keep going. A lot of times when you make money, they go, why don't you just like, why do you need.

Nobody makes money. I love this. Most people think that actors are, you know, set.

Yeah.

And my favorite. Like, I could tell you, you have. You would be so blown away. Okay, tell me, how many household names have don't have less than a million dollars in the bank?

Speaking of making money, if you guys haven't picked up the book Main Street Millionaire that I'm pointing to right over here, you definitely should. This book is all about how do you get ownership, which I think is the key to all money. It's not really about, do you want to just only go buy a business? It's how do you become a deal maker and how do you become an owner? Because that is how you get rich. If you already have a business, you should buy it so that you can figure out how to integrate more businesses into your business. If you have a salary, you should buy it so you can figure out how to actually negotiate upside. And if you want to understand what's going on in our world today with the big guys owning everything and us begging for scraps, you should buy it in order to read it too. You guys get a bunch of free downloads with it. If you do this before the book comes out, so get there soon. Msmbook.com it would blow your mind.

You'd be like, what? Yeah.

Also could. I think there couldn't be anything worse than being famous and poor.

There are plenty of them out there.

That's tough.

There are plenty of them.

So what actually made you go from acting to comedy? Because now, Netflix Special. You. You're on tour right now?

Yeah. What changed? I just loved. I. I mean, you know, I've never been on set where I didn't want it to be over. It's a terrible thing to say, really. It's acting as, like, piecemeal. It's just piecemeal, man.

Like, lay it out. Like, what does it look like you're.

Doing it a page at a time. So watch this. Watch this. I'm gonna do a scene. Ready? Let's do a scene.

Okay.

All right, action. You gotta give me my money, my friend, or we're gonna have a problem. Cut. Brian, can you. When you bring the coffee, you're blocking the light. Can we get a different light over here? Because you brought the garbage can you bring it down and then swoop it up? Yeah, I got it. Okay, action. We got a problem, my friend. Looks like you owe me some money. Okay, Brad, cut. Can you. Don't. You said don't say anything because the mic, it's getting. You said it into the coffee. Could you say it. Say it this way. And then try to. Then take a sip. It's important to take the sip because we want you to savor it. But there's a little alcohol in it. Fuck it. That's all day. That's so awful. There's a shadow on her face. And also her hair is different. You see how it's doing this? Can we? Yeah, come on in. That's what you do all day. I'm not kidding.

That sounds terrible. Yeah.

That's why actors drink. Yeah. It's like, get me the out of here.

Why do you think so many people like it then?

Because it's so hard to get there.

You're like, I tried so hard. Once you're there, it's miserable.

Well, it's not only hard to get there, it's hard to sustain. It's hard to stay relevant. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I think Jay Leno said, like, no one. No one is in first. First chair for more than six years.

That's such a great point. Yeah. Especially women. I think we're like, two and a half.

Oh, my God. Once you lose your delicious singer, it's awful. Way past Hepburn talked about that. They all talked about that. You win an Oscar. They don't. It's adorable.

Yeah, exactly.

Where's the next young.

You know, and there's so many beautiful women, especially today. Like, maybe it used to be enough if you were. Yeah, true.

Yeah.

That's super. Okay, so you went into comedy and didn't I think I heard you talk about how Joe Rogan was one of the people that was like, hey, get into comedy, do stand up.

I had done. I had been doing stand up.

Okay.

But then I was acting and I wanted to be Robert De Niro or I wanted to be. I don't know who I wanted to be.

I was interested.

I loved that. I was pretty good at it. Like, I did a lot of theater and I loved it. And, you know, and I worked really hard at acting. Like, I was in class for years and really doing plays and theater and. And working on scenes.

And I'm just picturing you, like, dancing. So, like.

And I took your leak and I took voice and all that horseshit. Yes. I went to formal theater school in New York City.

I don't know why.

Violence. Well, I'm. When I'm a thespian, you understand, this is the reason I speak this way. I drop my, my jaw and I. I'm really good at expressing myself. And that's how you used to speak. It was called the Skinner technique, of course. And, and you weren't English. But if you ever listen to William F. Buckley or Katharine Hepburn, there's something about them that's almost English.

Right? That Alan Watts. Is Alan Watts English? No, he talks to English. Oh, fuck. Well, he was actually real. Okay.

He was William F. Buckley. Of course. This way. I mean, if I were to take. If I were to actually romance your argument in the real world, which I would never do, but I will hear, for sake of, I suppose, the cameras. It's like, dude, you're, you're. But that was that, you know. Who talks that way? Ann Coulter. She still has a little bit of a. Because the British, The British, you know, if you came over the Mayflower or. That was very important. Yeah. The Zurich is stiff and very British also.

You know what I've noticed, which I probably would get in trouble for, but now we're doing, like, a few things. We just signed with an agency and for like a book tour and stuff, like, nothing fun or real. But why do all Hollywood agents sound the same? Even if they're like, from Jersey or Florida, there's like a Hollywood agent voice. Have you heard that? I'm not going to try it because I'm terrible at accents, but you know what I'm talking about. Like, they all kind of have like a weird.

It's probably because they're all originally from New York or they used to be.

Oh, you think that's from la?

But typically. Typically in. Remember, Remember Hollywood was a Jewish invention. Okay. You know, when people are anti Semitic, you know, I'm always like, all right, that's cool. But you do know that improv stand up, even to a large extent. But certainly improv and certainly Hollywood, like movies. It was created and founded by really European, East. East European Jewish refugees. I didn't know. So was the whole garment industry.

You knew that, Right.

So there were certain things. So when you were an agent, you were typically, like, you were a bit of a rebel. Your mother, if you were probably from Brooklyn, and your mother said, you're going to be, you know, you're going to either have your own business, you're going to join your uncle, or your father's business, you're going to take it to the next level. You're going to be a lawyer, or you're going to be a doctor. There's no. You're not going to be a cop. You're not Irish. You know, you're not going to. You're not going to put your money in a mattress. You're not Italian. We're going to put it into a business. You got to. And most. A lot of the Jewish refugees were. They could sew. They were garmentos. So that's why they came to New York. But larger point is that there was. If you were a bit of a black sheep, you went to Hollywood, tried to be an actor, played an Italian gangster.

Wow.

You were a producer. When you realized the acting wasn't where the money was or it was hard to do. You know, maybe I can put people together or. You became an agent. Right. But certainly a lot of the great comics.

Yeah.

You know, all that. Sid Caesar and Rob Reiner, why were they comics? Because in that culture, in the Jewish culture of New York, kids were indulged. If you're British and you're of the aristocracy, you're seen and not heard 100%. When you're left here, a Jewish kid in the Lower east side and your whole family's crammed into a tenement, you're there and your voice is as loud as any adult's. You can talk back to your parents. You can make everybody laugh. That was the Marx Brothers. So the larger point I'm making is that traditionally, the agents that were all in Hollywood were Jew, they were Jewish, and they all came from kind of the same part of New York, same ecosystem. So, you know. Yeah, like Robert Evans, they spoke a certain way. Yeah.

They've got a vibe.

It was just a way. It's just business. What do you know? There was a. There was a way of doing business. There was a language, and it was really mostly New York. People are always shocked with Donald Trump with the way he insults people or the way he's politically incorrect with his words. That's fucking New York. That's construction site New York. It doesn't matter that he was a blue blood. He's also Irish and German, so he wasn't necessarily like that British thing. His dad got his hands dirty.

Oh, yeah. I mean, if you. I was joking with Tanner the other day, our creative director. Like, thank God we're in the era that we're in now. Maybe it helps that I'm a woman and I'm Latina. That's like a double check box.

But.

But yeah, I'm white presenting. You know, but the. It's helpful.

I present female.

Yeah.

And white.

Yes, exactly. If I could do an accent, I would do that. But I. You know, the stuff that we even say here because we run a bunch of laundromats and car washes and, you know, roofing companies, so half the time I'm like, oh, you know, I'm not supposed to say that anymore. If that was on the Internet, I'd be in a lot of trouble. Which kind of, like, actually makes me think about. So the other day, you can be my therapist. The other day I gave a speech like, doesn't matter, you know, to a. What? Not a small. A couple thousand people. But I fucking bombed. It was like, I've never done that before. I did a really bad job. I was like, over time, I. I don't even know what happened. And, like, there was no reason, really. And, like, what's interesting is, like, it didn't matter. Like, I wasn't gonna die. Nothing mattered. And. But the reaction that I had from it was totally unreasonable. I was like, fuck. That was terrifying and awful and the worst thing ever. But have you, like, had that happen with jokes and stand up?

I haven't. Cody, I'm really good.

You've never bombed ever.

I'm joking.

And did it feel awful?

Yeah. Yeah.

And does it still?

I mean, I've been doing it so long that I got my bag of tricks right, and it's not gonna.

So now you pull a rabbit out of my head.

It's not gonna ha. Yeah, it's. I'm not gon to ever do an hour where. Yeah, you're not going to laugh.

Yeah.

Where's my camera? That was. That was obnoxious. Let me rephrase that. What I meant is that I'M never going to do an hour where you're not going to laugh. Yeah, Hard. Really hard. Is that my camera?

That should be your special clip. Actually, we should. We should cut that. I'm going to do a video for you and do a little Instagram reel for your special, and I think that'll be really good. But in the beginning, like, do you remember the first time you really.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's so terrifying. I don't know if anybody. This is how you equate it. If you ever been in a real fight, like, where you don't know who the guy is in front of you, you're going to be like, you can't feel your legs. I don't care how much you train. I mean, maybe if you're, like, inoculated stress, if you're a regular dude like me and you're going to have to fight. You can't feel your legs. You just know. I'm like, I'll put my weight on my back foot and I guess, here we go, you know, good luck. It sucks. It's. It's the same thing. I remember feeling that. I remember feeling that. I was like, I feel like I'm. I'm about to have a real fight with somebody. I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know. He's gonna kill me. I don't know who he is. You know, I don't know. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Feeling of. And then. And then you do it long enough and that just completely goes away. Yeah. Like, I, I. When I shoot my special, I won't be. I promise I won't be a little bit nervous.

Yeah.

I'm just interested in hitting every mark, I suppose. Hitting every beat. Yeah.

Well, then you get.

Well, I want to say what I want to say, and I want to be thematic about it. Right. Not that anybody will watch it through, because we don't. We all have TikTok brain now, you know? But for me, I want to. That's my diary of what I think is important, what I'm interested in, you know?

And it's almost like you can't bomb hard enough for the audience at a certain point because you got a base level that's quite good, but for yourself, you're just competing against yourself.

What I would say to you, though, maybe the way to avoid that in the future is to really dial down on what you're saying. Sometimes when we're not quite sure, we, we, we get into this gray area, and I would. It feels like I didn't see the speech, but it feels like when that happens, just take a look at whether or not you've really carved down to its essence, what you're trying to say. What is your philosophy? What are your principles behind business, if that's what you're talking about? What are the mistakes people make, you know, and, and what are the shortcuts you can give people so they don't have to make the same mistakes? I always say I'm older, right? So the reason you should listen to me is not because I'm smarter. I'm really not. I'm not, I'm not. But I have made more mistakes than you have and I've wasted more time chasing the wrong shit. So, you know, I might, I might be able to recognize when you're heading for a wall. And if I tell you to turn the wheel a little bit, just listen to me. I'm. I'm an old guy. Yeah.

I don't think we actually have enough older people around us as young people to get feedback.

Yeah. Experience is.

Because comics you guys do, that's like a thing, you know, you kind of.

It's not really, really sort of is, but it's not.

What do you mean?

There's a, there's there's an irreverence to comedy. There's not a community as much. It's more of a, it's more of a. It's really a solo thing. You know, it's like I remember when Rogan was and I went hunting the first time we ever did meat eater. And I just, you know, he was like, hey, this is tough. We're representing the comedy community. And I said, yeah, you know, that tight knit bunch. And he started laughing really hard. Cause it's true. It's like we're all hopelessly individualistic and just a bunch of misfits.

Actually, that makes me good people.

But I'm just saying.

Well, it's funny you say that because I was looking at a study yesterday about how there's a study in Japan where people who laughed more frequently not only lived longer, significantly longer, like 20 to 30% longer than their other peer group. And this was a long form study over a series of decades, but also had a decrease in disability. So less Alzheimer's, less even macular degeneration, so losing of your eyesight. I thought that was really interesting. Like laughing's good for you. I think we all kind of know that. Yeah. But specifically laughter could have even been individual where you watched something and laughed and. But what I thought was also interesting is then you have the flip side, which is there seems to be no increase in happiness for telling jokes, only for hearing them.

Oh, that makes total sense, right? Because when you're telling jokes. Well, that's why comics are miserable. I'm not, but a lot of comics are. I mean, it's because, remember, there's a famous actor I won't go into because I'm a fan, but he saw me at a party and it was. And I'd met him before, but he wanted to talk to me because I was a comic. It was kind of cool, right? And I was dating my now wife, and it was cool to have this very famous person kind of, like, approach me and blah, blah, blah. And then what I realized is that, oh, he was using me as essentially an excuse to perform. And I went, yeah, yeah. And I do that. So we, you know, we all have this. When you're a performer, you have this unflattering shadow side, which is, look at me. I want all the attention. I'm a vacuum cleaner. I have a lot of that in me. A lot of that in me. And it's not a very admirable trait. And it certainly doesn't make you happy. It doesn't make you more happy when you're looking to be the center of the world. But you can replace that. You can replace that with trying to be, for lack of a better word, an artist. And what does that mean again? Doing something original that no one has seen. Surprising yourself. And that's what I do now. And so then your comedy goes from being. I'm not saying I do this, but certainly the idea would be, I'm of service. Let me. Let me do something to make you laugh. And that feels good, man. Yeah, that feels good. You're connecting with people and you're making them laugh, and you're doing it because you can. And as a result, it's because you should. I was put on this earth not to invent, you know, rockets, but to be a jackass and get you to forget about your life for a little bit.

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Do you think you can be really funny and be happy? It seems like a lot of comedians are dark and twisted.

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know, you know, I think Rogan's very happy. I think a lot of people have, you know, it just depends on your personality trait. Maybe, maybe a better way is that when you are a dark person, there's very little open to you, but you cope with just trying to be funny about this brutal thing called life. You were born, you know, a lot of times shorter than other guys, weaker than other guys, not as athletic in any way. You never had any victories. You never had women like you. These, these are traumatic things for men to go through when, when you're an adolescent and stuff. But, but, but, but you're funny, right? You're funny. And, and, and now you get, like, the cool kids think you're great and that you get addicted to that because you're, you're accepted. So that's where a lot of comedy comes from. For me, I think comedy came from being moved constantly. I was always thrown into a whole different set of kids. I would, you know, hey, we're moving to Saudi Arabia, but I have a dog. I've been here for two years. I got. Yeah, now you'll figure it out. We're moving to Lebanon. I know, but I have another dog and I have a snake. What are we going to do? We'll find a home. Yeah, right. What the fuck? All right, see you later, everybody. You know, there's no email, no. Bye, bye. You know, so, yeah, and here's a new group of kids in the middle of the school year. And I, I learned very quickly that don't be the last guy picked on the team. Be a little bit lucky. I was coordinated enough to be, you know, not a, not a hindrance on a sports team. And also I was, but, but I was, I was. I got good at making people laugh quickly, and I got really good at reading what people were ashamed of and what they were proud of. That's my, that was my superpower, my communication super bower, if I may, is I was really good at figuring out what people were ashamed of. We all have a side of us that we hide totally. And that's how we're proud of. And I think if you want to get to. If you want to. If you want people to like you, and if you want people to feel comfortable and you help them hide what they're ashamed of, but you accentuate and you highlight and you speak out what it is they're proud of. And we're all that way as human beings.

That's so good. You know, it's funny because it's true. Like, we have this. We have this incel movement in the US Now. We have. God, I read a study the other day that we have 55% more single women from 2000 to 2023. And then, of course, it makes sense, sort of what's happening even politically in our country, because they vote predominantly Democrat, and men increasingly of their age vote conservative or Republican. And the women increasingly don't want to actually date those who have this different perspective, which is very silly to me. But what I think is really interesting is this incel movement is a lot about Tinder. I mean, I'm friends with Sean Ratt. I like him a lot, the guy who created Tinder. But we were talking the other day, I'm like, fuck, man. I mean, the app is inherently swipe, swipe, visual. Visual. And like, what have you done? You know?

But that you're not over six feet.

Yeah.

You know, there's all these weird things. So 10% or 5% of the men get all the girls. Yeah.

It's bizarre. And so I think actually it'd be really interesting to have more of, like a comedian's perspective on, for young men. Like, yeah, okay, you're not rich. You're not maybe smarter than everybody else. You're not better looking. But fuck me, if you can make somebody laugh, we show one, you can make them live longer, Two, it makes them happier, and three, I bet a lot more chicks like you.

Yeah. But you know what? Men are terrified. This fourth wave feminism has gone from fighting for equal rights to saying men want to kill and rape you. And so that's with social media. A woman can say anything. And I know so many young, my relatives who are living in a world where they're very aware that they could do something in college and somebody doesn't have a good experience with them sexually or intimately. And 10 years later, 15 years later, 20 years later, they say X, Y and Z. They get a story. What do you get? A statement. But you're done. You're done. And they're very aware of that. So there's a lot of that, too. There's. There has. Men, women have been pitted against each other in this. It was already. It was always. And already adversarial in the United States. It was always adversarial. It was always like. You know, there was this thing where boys and girls separate almost voluntarily at 6 years old, and they don't really come together until college. So when you're in college, all of a sudden you're. Now you're living with a girl, a woman, or, you know, a girl, and you're a boy or you're a man, but typically, as a boy and a girl, and you're living with somebody, and you've been around guys your whole life, and she has a different consideration, and you think she's crazy, and she thinks you're insensitive, and it's like. And you have no. There's no mechanism. There's no bridge in which to work it out. You can go to a therapist, but then he's gonna be a fucking therapist. Guys aren't taught that. What do you mean, a therapist? Stop being crazy. Oh, that's helpful, right?

Yeah.

You're not given those tools. And, like, I remember my. My girlfriend fell asleep during Raging Bull, my favorite movie, and I was, like, so outraged. Like, how the. Do you fall asleep? The greatest movie. I broke up with her. I was like, she can't appreciate Raging Bull. Hey, dumbass. Dumbass. Now, of course, at 57, my wife is watching. And my wife's smart and great, and I love her, but she's my favorite person. But she's watching Love is Blind and can't get enough of it.

Oh, yeah.

And it's getting all involved. I'm like, ah, Jesus. You know, I can't watch one minute of that shit. But it's just what she's interested in. I'm interested in stats when it comes to fighting or, you know, in the UFC or, I don't know, in football. Yeah. Which is different, man.

Totally different. Yeah. I think one of the things that saved Chris and my marriage is we've sort of allowed each other to not give a fuck about what the other person's talking about. And so if at a certain point he's telling me a story that I literally couldn't care less, then I just go, yeah, so weird. Like, the first episode of Gossip Girl really got me because she was wearing. And so. And then he'll do the opposite to me. Like, I was cleaning the Glock, and what happened is the hammer pole, and I Was like, fucking don't care. Fine.

Okay.

And we just have a little joke because it doesn't mean I don't love you. I just literally couldn't care less about that thing you're talking about. Which should be fine, by the way.

Thank God.

Thank God. Yeah. Because also, I mean, I love hanging out with my person. And it sounds like you do too, but you gotta also, like, have some girl time. Have some dude time.

Well, my wife will tell me about her dream. Now, if I did that with a buddy of mine, he'd be like, hey, bro, hey. Is this a dream you're telling me about? And you know, like the other day she was telling me a story. I'm not listening. And she's like. And then she's going on. I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to do something else. And then, and then this, this like, ship comes down and I go, are you telling me about a dream? Like I. You tell me about. I'm trying to. She goes, yeah. I go, I'm not listening to you about a dream. Nothing happened. It's a dream. What do you mean a shit? I'm fucking trying to do something. I'm paying bills. Like, how dare you take 20 minutes of my dream.

To be fair, to be fair. I have a friend. Shout out Shayna. She always tells me about her dreams. I also don't care about the dream. I think we need a moratorium on dreams.

You present mail.

I know, damn it. I know. But I think, yeah, no, I think we've gotten too into talking about ourselves sometimes. Not that Shayna does that, but the dream thing is funny. Okay, I want to talk about one other thing. Like that's a little bit about this. You know, we were talking about it when we were first, like, gonna do the pod. Today is a weird week, right? We've got like, we got Trump on Rogan. We've got you on Rogan next. Today we had, I was, I watched Tucker Carlson have Rob Schneider come out before him.

I love Rob.

Uh huh. And then I saw Andrew Schultz had Trump. Like, what is going on with comedians? And like, are they the new voice of reason? When did this happen? You've been in this game a long time and know a bunch of these guys, it's kind of. I never would have predicted this like 10 years ago.

Well, Trump has a young son, Baron, and Baron's very keyed in to what's cool. And Baron is a guy who's looking at his dad going, hey, dad, you want to get young people get on Theo Vaughn.

Yeah, that was.

Get on, get on. You know, get on Joe Rogan, get on all the podcasts I listen to. And that's what's going on is, is. And to Trump's credit. And, you know, he's, he, he's, he kind of, he's comfortable among the bros. And you can say what you want about bro comics and bro podcasts, but that's, that's what men are listening to. And they're listening to it because, first of all, it's also long form. So when you hear Trump talk for three hours or Bernie Sanders talk for three hours or whoever it might be for three hours, you not only get a very different perspective on who this person is, because you will settle. You can't sell for three hours. You end up settling into who you really are. And that's a very, very different and new thing. And so your celebrity and your shine is no good here, my friend. And it used to be forever that when we saw a celebrity, whoever it was, they were on Johnny Carson or Conan o' Brien or Jay Leno for five minutes and the questions were prepared. And you can be mysterious, you can be Johnny Depp and answer very few questions and dress like a pirate. And we were like, he's so cool. And Hollywood was a mystery, and everything was a mystery. And how they keep their bodies that way was a mystery. And then along comes, you know, the Internet and cameras everywhere, and all of that, all that facade goes away all of a sudden, all that sheen, and you got a guy like Rogan who is not selling you anything. He's just talking, and he's not interviewing you. He's just having a conversation with you. And we get a sense of who you really are when you're just sitting around. And I think it's very telling that Kamala Harris wasn't willing to do. And I understand she thinks it's hostile territory. And I, and it is. And I understand that she's, she feels like she's probably walking into a no win situation because Rogan's going to ask you questions and he's going to. And he's going to be Rogan, and.

He'S good and he's smart and, and.

She'S just not comfortable there. Yeah. And, and, but I think it was a mistake because if she had, if she had, if she, if she had sat down for three hours and spoken from the heart and really told us what she thinks, really told us what she really thinks about the border, what she really thinks about the economy, what she really Thinks about fracking. What she really thinks about taxes. How much of the federal government should you be working for every day? What percentage? What percentage? 50%. Is that fair? How many people. You know, 1% of the population pays over 50% of the taxes? Something like that. 10% pays 90%. You know, I'd like to hear these conversations, but you're still trying to sell a concept like Joy to the American people. Is that what you're trying to do? You think we're that dumb? Is that what you're doing, Oprah? When Oprah's like, joy? You know, I really. I really want to. I really want to be like, you're better than that. You're lying to us.

Yeah.

And it's not about. It's not about Trump or Kamala Harris. But you're. You're not being respectful, which is another way of saying you're not representing us because you don't think we're worth it. And more importantly, you think we're dumb. The average American, and I am an average American, I got. I'm a capitalist. I have a business. I have to. If I don't put butts in my seats when I go out and do stand up, I got a problem. I got a problem. Real problem. I. I pay for it, okay? And most of us, as Americans, can't. We pay. We pay a price for being wrong. If I miscalculate. If I have a business, I pay a real price. So I live in a world of objective reality. And when you don't, and when you start talking to me about concepts like Joy, when you start talking to me about the problem in the United States that we're racist and transphobic and homophobic, when you say that somebody trying to run a business or trying to put their kids through school or just trying to make enough money so their kids can do the after school baseball program, all of us go, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know where you live because you live in an area code I can't afford anyway. You don't pay a price for being wrong. You make your living with your mouth by talking. And I'm up early, man. And I don't see this. I don't see that. America 100%. I'm trying to get food out on the table for my customers. And I don't care if you're. What do you mean? Gender neutral bathrooms. What are you talking about? I don't even think about that stuff. I have no idea what you're talking About? I've been going to my daughter's. Baseball, I mean, my daughter's, you know, lacrosse games or tennis games, whatever the fuck sport is. I've been going to her games ever since she was seven years old, trying to get her a scholarship because I can afford it. And you want to put men in there? You want to put biological men who can come in and shatter records and get those scholarships? You want to do that to me after I've been a mom and I've taken my kids to all the. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're not American. You're not even a real human being. You're talking to me from some you philosopher kings. You're talking to me from the Beltway. You're talking to me from Silicon Valley. I don't even know who you are, man. I don't even know who you are. You have so much money, it's ridiculous. So is it a wonder? Is it a wonder that most of us are a little bit suspicious, a little bit. Feel a little bit non, unrepresented by that machine over there called the left wing? It has nothing to do. It's not saying that Democrats, traditional Democrats, don't have something to offer. It doesn't mean I'm fucking a far right guy. I'm not. It just means I'd like a little objective reality here, man.

That's so true. Well, I think that's one of the problems with getting too much cash is, you know, I think that it's wrong that we don't talk about money. I think we gotta talk about money more because money is really just one thing. It's just I get to assert my will more on you, and you get to assert it less on me. The more I have on it, the more I push back on the world and I create my own reality with this, like, green piece of paper.

That's a great way to put it.

That's it. That's it. And for some reason, as we get richer, we don't talk about money anymore. Not okay to talk about money anymore. In fact, it's like scammy and lowbrow and whatever. No, it's fucking not. You think it's that way because if you can get people to believe that we shouldn't share the only thing that actually creates a protective measure of freedom, then we have less of it, which is where we're at today. And so I remember when I first got on the Internet, I was like, fuck, I don't, you know, after you make some money, you don't really want to talk about it. I mean, Hollywood's a perfect example. Nobody ever talks about money in Hollywood. They don't talk about how much they make. They don't talk about where they are most of the time, actually. They just try to make themselves look normal again. They're just like, remember back when I stole candy bars? You're like, you haven't eaten a Candy Bar in 37 years. Like, you did. That's not even a real thing anymore. And that's okay that it's not real. It's awesome that you transcended this somehow. But like, I never really liked that. Which kind of.

The American republic's really cool and very unique in the sense that we, you can grow rich and you can show it off. You know, when Donald Trump said, they said, do you think that Mitt Romney, do you think Mitt Romney, it's a liability that he's so rich. And he goes, he's not rich. I'm rich. And the reason that Americans, the difference is the American experiment is beautiful. Because when the reason we don't have pitchforks outside and the, the rich don't get, you know, guillotined and lynched is because every American knows that they too could one day be a millionaire. So there's the potential. The potential to be a millionaire is huge in the American spirit. And it's a large part of the glue that keeps this republic working.

You're right. Do you know the percentage of millionaires that are self made in the U.S. 79%. Which you would never see on the news, right? 79%. And I think that's a really good reminder. And also they don't fucking stay there. Which is a perfect point about being in business because most small business owners, 90% of our cash is in our businesses.

Yes.

We don't even, we don't, you know, we're not rolling around in dough. And also, like, when people get mad.

About Donald Trump billionaires.

No, that's what I said.

I know people who have a billion huge money, it's all wrapped up in stock.

Oh, 100%. And you know, and one of my team members always jokes because, you know, you come on these podcasts and like, what's the thing that you spent the most amount of money on ever? Like, do you ever get asked that question?

Yeah.

And, and I jokingly, I didn't jokingly, I, I said it just accidentally out loud the first time. But I was like, well, people. And I was like, I don't mean it that way. But like, I just you end up hiring more people in business because that's how you make a business grow.

Yeah.

And like, I think that's the real answer for most people.

That's, that's interesting too. I wouldn't have answered that, but yeah.

It'S probably unreasonable that I have. Wait, I want to talk about making money in comedy. So like I went to a comedy show the other day at the Comedy Store in LA and it was incredible. It was like there were like maybe like 20 comics that went through kind of rapidly. Whitney Cummings is there. Was there who was like a big name. I like her a lot. And a bunch of other ones. I can't remember all the names but a couple other big names. And it was, I don't know, Maybe like a two hour show, I guess, and 60 people in the audience. And so I'm doing the math. I'm like, nobody's making any fucking money.

That's not where you make money. You made $25 for that?

Did you make 25?

Yeah. 15. No, you're not making money there.

So wait, wait, Whitney Cummings has to go there for 15?

No, but she's not doing it for that. No, you're doing it just to stay sharp and you're doing. Because it's fun and stuff like that.

So it's like a free.

Yeah, you make your money on the road.

Okay, so how does that work exactly?

You charge a certain amount for tickets. You get the door or you get a guarantee or you get 8% of the door or you get a piece of the alcohol sales. And it just all depends on how your agent works it. And if you can sell a theater twice in a night, you'll make a lot of money.

Define a lot. So like in, in, in, you know.

So the, the, the comics that you, the big comics are making 20 to 30 million dollars a year.

On touring or on everything.

On tour?

On touring. And that's because they are doing like, I don't know, 50, 60, some of.

Them are making stocks. 700 grand a night on a night.

Okay.

I mean, I don't.

But it's not just from ticket sales. They get a percentage of alcohol and then merch.

It's just you're able to sell, you know, Matt Rife, I think sold a $65 million deal or something like that with Live Nation, something like that. But you know, but.

Oh, so he gets guarantees up front.

People there, there are especially a lot of women like love Matt dude.

Great demographic too that like beautiful.

But he's also a great guy and he's also works really hard at comedy and he's also really respectful. I've known Matt since he was 17. This kid's been. This kid's been working his ass off.

And he's incredible at social media.

It's just that he's. He's just. He never always was. He's just a kid who, you know, he's just. He's just. He's a beautiful looking human being. But Matt's also a guy who's. He's also a good guy who really wants to be good at comedy and works really hard at it. And something just hit. And then a lot of people, a lot of young girls were like. A lot of women in general are like, I want. He's delicious. He's delicious and he's funny and I want to be. I just want to go see him. It's like a rock star.

Is that what they say about you too?

Constantly. Naturally. Yeah. Yeah. And I haven't even done my hair. I haven't even done my hair. I'm gonna get a hair transplant.

Why?

Because it's free. Cause somebody's paying for it.

Seriously?

Yep. And I'm gonna get 2,500 grafts. So you think I'm hot now? I am. I cannot wait till I come in and I'm gonna be like that. Yep. And I'm gonna get my face tightened and. Yep. I'm not done. And then I'm gonna get. Finally going to go on testosterone and maybe some anabol or di. Anabol. I don't know what the. I don't know the names of the steroids, but know this. My skin will be tight, veiny as fuck. I'm going to shave and I'm going to tan and I'm coming in here and I will be in a tank top and I'm going to get tattoos. I don't have one tattoo, but I'm getting tattoos. What's the name of this podcast?

The Big Deal.

Yeah, the Big Deal that actually tracks right on my tits. But you're not going to be able to read it because of all the fucking divots. All the divots. I hope you read braille. Hello, friends. Guess who? That's right. It is I, the replacer. Once again, I've been called on. So you can play the new Call of Duty Black Ops 7 with three expansive modes, 18 multiplayer maps, and the tastiest zombie gameplay you've ever freaking seen. Call of Duty Black Ops 7 available now. Rated M for mature. Welcome to Walgreens.

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Sort of. My cousin Freddy showed up to surprise us. Oh, sounds like a real nice surprise. Exactly. So now I have to get him a gift, but I haven't gotten my bonus yet. So if we can make it something really nice but also not break the bank, that'd be perfect. How about a keurig for 50% off bingo savings all season? The holiday road is long. We're with you all the way. Walgreens offer valid November 26th through December 27th. Exclusions apply. I'm hilarious.

You are funny. I think we should go to this special. Okay. So you don't make a ton of money in comedy unless you're doing a shit ton of tours.

No, you make money. I mean, I make money in comedy.

Doing tours, though. Like, you can't really make it anywhere else. Like, where else special you can make money on a special?

No, that's. That's your infomercial.

Whoa. Interesting for you to sell.

I mean, you'll get paid, you know, sometimes, but that's not where people are making their real money.

Interesting.

Touring, touring, it's just like music.

So what happens?

Musicians don't make money off their, you know, their album. Make money live, touring.

So you have to. Taylor Swift it. You got to have like this whole ecosystem around you.

Yeah. I met her a long time ago one time, and she had just come off a tour, and it was a 365 day tour. And man, she was on a bus or a private plane, I think literally every night. I mean, they would come and play Tokyo for three days and then they'd go and go to London or they just do this tour. But I mean, it's crazy.

That machine.

I don't think it's hard. I don't think it.

And you know what kills me with Taylor Swift? That I am most impressed about that. She can make that surprised face every single time she goes on tour for like 25 years. And I still buy it.

Yeah, I don't. I. She's, you know, special human being. I don't know.

Yeah, that's part of being able to.

Sing the same song over and over again. I can never do it, but neither. Yeah, but she can do it.

So you don't do the same jokes. Like, how does that. How does that work? Like, from. For a total normie. Do you carry like a joke book around and then you. When you say something funny.

If I end up doing. Writing for me is. It's a mindset. You're always writing. But if I end up doing a show.

Mm.

I'm like. So I'm gonna shoot this special in January. And then. And then the horror sets in because now I have to, like, write a whole new hour. I throw it all away. And it's, like, so difficult not to repeat yourself. It's so difficult not to be kind of on the same themes. It's so difficult not to. It's just so hard. So I'll go through six months of misery and maybe a year of writer's block and feel like a piece of. And. And not like myself and all that. Just. Just old standard. Standard.

That happens like, once a year. How often do you do a special?

Probably every two or three years.

Okay.

Really? Three is. Two years is, like, not enough time for me. I got to, you know, I wrote right. Pretty fast. But to let it really settle in. Yeah. Like, just doing this. Like this is going to be. I don't know. Since man. Tears. I don't know. Almost. Almost. Almost three years. Maybe it's two years wild. I don't know. But, man, it's like, you know, and then. And it's everything. Talk about, like, every drop. It's like. It's everything I can do. It's my best. It's the best. I can do the best.

And do you get only one shot, or do you film three, shoot two, or maybe four? Do you chop them together like the best part?

Yeah, you can.

Okay.

But either way, it's just gonna be a bitch.

Interesting.

So hard. I bet that's not hard. Shooting is not hard. It's just that then I have content. Then I have to be like, I gotta write new jokes. I gotta write a new. I gotta be thematic. Good luck.

Yeah.

I just want to quit. No, it's gonna be great.

I can't wait to see it.

Yeah.

What about, like, kind of technically, and maybe this isn't how it works, but how do you start thinking about being funny? Like, how does one become funny?

I don't think you have to. You think about being funny. I think you have to. You have to do something very different. I think I believe you. Start with personal questions. What am I afraid of? Who am I pretending to be? Who do I want to be? Who am I really? How do I want to die? How do I not want to die? What do I want to say before I die? What do I want to think right before I die? What will I regret before I die? What do I honestly revere? What am I really afraid of? What am I pretending I'm afraid of? Get into those questions, those personal questions. And I think that anybody who writes anything, whether it's music or it's a movie or anything, is you're trying to answer a primary question. You're wrestling with a question. My obsession has been, what is a man? What is courage? What is it? What is masculinity? How do you define it? Am I a provider and a protector? What does that really mean? And what is courage? And what is toughness? And all these things that I grew up trying to be, what is real strength? What is it? And those are the obsessions I've always had and I try to write about. And for me, they find their way through funny channels. But think about, so what's a book? When you read a novel, you know, the great novels. I mean, the theme of any novel. So the theme. The way to define theme is it's essentially the author's argument for how to behave in the world.

Yeah, it is.

It is. And so I think that, frankly, my special is that way, you know, that I hope. I hope it's. I hope it's. I hope thematically I get what I want to say across.

Yeah.

You know, and so you.

You actually start. Maybe that's why so often comics these days are a little bit like philosophers, because you're starting from, really, questions you.

Do when you're younger. You. You're trying to just be funny. It's English on a ball, you know, But.

But what does that mean, English?

That's a pool expression. I stole that from Rogan. But it's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a pool expression. Like, you. You put a lot of spin on the ball, but it doesn't mean you can run a table. Doesn't mean you're a great pool player. You're good at trick shots. Yeah.

You're like the hard globe shot to the main. Okay. Sports analogy. Look at that.

Yeah, but it's true. It's great. Okay, so that. That's. Then you get older and you want to say something.

Right. I guess that's sort of even like you watch the Evolution of Dave Chappelle. And like today, you know, I remember we got to sit down and watch him and Rogan when he was doing it here during COVID which felt really special because the world was so shut down. But I remember sitting there thinking, the most interesting part of this is not that we're laughing, although there is laughter. It's like the command of big questions and like watching one human really deeply dive into it live.

I was watching Dave. I was watching Dave in tiny shows in New York 20, 30 years ago.

Interesting. Did you know then, 28 years ago, can you tell that somebody is going to be great when you first see them? No.

Yeah, in a way, you can certainly tell somebody's going to be successful. Success is a mindset that you're probably partially born with. Rogan was going to be successful no matter what. He was a bulldog. But part of it's also growing up. How did you grow up? Did you grow up without a dad where the world was really dangerous and you had to figure out how to navigate the world? Was your heart broken at a very early age and you realized nobody was coming and it was all up to you? Were you 50 Cent? Were you? You had no one to go home to, and then you got shot nine times and you bled all your fear out in the back of that cab. You know, who were you? When did you meet Chaos? You know, a great deal of world leaders lost almost. I don't know, some crazy percentage of them lost at least one parent before the age of 12, usually 2. And if you're taught how to navigate that, if you're taught how to navigate loss, or you have some kind, you have the reserves or maybe the imagination, maybe you were wired to deal with that. Maybe you had a stronger seawall, you'll come out much stronger. I think it was Nietzsche who said, if I have children, if I ever had children, I would wish upon them deprivation and loss and uncertainty, because that's the only way you kind of become a fully realized human being. And if it visits you young enough, as tragic as it is, if somebody's there to help you, if you can find one outlet where you learn how to accomplish something, where you learn how to be good at it, you're going to always carry that baggage. But it makes for a strong piece of steel. Yeah.

I've never actually met a successful human who hasn't been through something that almost literally destroyed them.

That's right.

I think that that's tracks.

That's an important thing as I'm at my age. You know, if something really bad happened to you, just keep moving forward, because it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. When you look back on it, or as awful as it is, you may. If. If a gun was to your head, if you do it right and you keep moving forward, you will probably say, much. I know you won't believe me now if you're going through it now, but you'll probably say, I wouldn't have Changed. Saved my soul. It saved my soul. And I. I know that's traumatic, but I believe it.

I. Yeah, I get a little chills on that one. I think that's true.

That's because I'm bringing my voice down and I'm looking at the camera and I'm saying it in the air. And I didn't use Katherine Hepburn's voice.

Do you have that? Whispery.

Yes. Because I have got a great deal of soda in my voice, don't I? I do. I know. It's really. I put everyone to sleep.

Let's end with. With this one. I found a rather high number of videos of you and Brendan Schwab physically fighting online. What's the deal with that?

Because Brendan needs to learn. He needs to learn. And I don't like sometimes that he's disrespectful. And I'm older and I come at him. I come at him. And sometimes as a. I guess a baboon. That's. That's British for baboon. I. I gotta fight the bear. And a baboon, let's call me a dog. A dog's never gonna beat a bear. But a dog can take the fight to the bear and just give him the what for. And in the dog's heart, as he's being crushed, he knows at least. At least he had the balls to jump into the maw, into the belly of the beast. And part of it's just like sometimes I like to feel what it's like to be killed by a grown man that easily, because it keeps me in check.

He's very large.

You have no idea. You have no idea. You know, he had this recent thing with Nate Diaz, and I like Nate and all that, but, you know, you have to understand that Brendan is a heavyweight. And Brendan walks around at 250, but a lot of times, 260, there's not a lot of fat on him. He's bam. Bam. He's about as strong as your average gorilla, okay? And he's a legit black belt in jiu jitsu, okay? And I've seen him tap the most famous people you can imagine. I've seen him tap with ease. Olympians. I've seen him crush very famous fighters. Very famous. And they're all 200 plus pounds. I've seen it with my own eyes, okay? Many times. He never talks about it, but I've seen it. I've seen it. So if you are under a heavyweight and you're spouting off, just know that he's a bear. And there's a time where he's going to grab you. Now I've. I have. He was taking a nap one time. I got. I jumped on him. I put him in a deep judo. A deep judo. I had my hips out. I had a gable grip. I had them here, I had them pinched deep. And I had him right here. And I was like, say something. Say it. And I mean, you're not getting out of that. Look at this shit. Look at that right there. I wish you guys could see what I'm working with, because I got chimp strength right there. I'm here, I'm pulling tight. I've got his head and arm and. And you're not going anywhere. And all he does is giggle. No, he giggles. And then the curtain shuts and in reality goes like that on me. And all of a sudden, now I'm in. I'm. I'm. I mean, I'm basically. I'm being. I'm in a position that you don't want to be in. I mean, I'm basically his bitch.

Oh, my God. So I immediately. With the special in January when we get your, like, number one Netflix spot.

Yeah.

Maybe that needs to be the end of the show. Just you and Brendan just fighting. Stage fighting. Wrestling, yeah, like the next stage, like UFC and comedy together. I don't think anybody's it.

The problem is, every time I try to do that, I've tried going takedowns with him and. And I got a contusion on my ear. This side of my face was red for about 11 days.

All right.

Sprawled on me.

We're gonna need a workshop.

I'm getting too old.

Perfect.

I still do jiu jitsu. I rolled the other day with a bunch of 20 somethings. I couldn't look left for like 10 days.

That's like after you work out with Tim Kennedy.

Oh, it's not okay. I tried to. I tried to grapple with Tim on a beach in the south of France. Very romantic. And he. I just remember being on all fours and he was on top of me, on top of me. And he very appropriately drew a heart in the sand.

He's. He's.

He was controlling me with his legs. And I'm a grown man, I can say.

And you talk about grizzly bear eyes an odd amount of time, but he has those eyes. Yeah, he has those, like, just dark shark eyes.

He'll. He'll take your head, but smile the whole time.

Like a psychopath. I love that, man. Also the.

My. One of my favorite people on the planet.

All right, Brian Callan, thank you so much for being here today. I can't wait to see the special. I can't wait. You're on tour, so I'm gonna definitely come to a few of those. And on Instagram.

Do you think this hilare?

Well, you could tell me when you wanted to. And we can. We can align it.

Briancow.com Now I'm being God. I'll be all over Buffalo. I'll be all over Florida.

100%. And they should actually go to your Instagram first and follow because there's some hysterical videos. You're also funny.

You're one of my million followers plus.