It Took Me 39 Years to Realize What I’ll Tell You in 14 Min

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What if I told you that you're not focused on the right things in life? What if all this time you spent trying to crack the code, asking why things happen, what it all means, where it's headed, was actually a distraction? I'm going to save you 20 years of suffering because what you're really looking for is so much simpler, although it did take me 30 years to learn. I'm Codie Sanchez. This is The Big Deal Podcast. Let's make some money. Oscar Wilde actually had an amazing line about the punishment for knowing exactly what you want to be. Is that you know exactly what you wanna be. The real journey is in waking up every day and figuring out more and more who you're supposed to be. I worked in politics, I was a journalist, I went into sales, I went into finance, uh, I worked in startups, and then I finally got online. Now I own a bunch of businesses and started investing in these small businesses until they were big, huge businesses. But I don't think I found my actual path until 5 years ago, and I'm 39. You know, my mom used to say the grass was greener, but that's not true. I just kept learning and growing because the most boring journey of all would be one that's a straight line. There's nothing interesting in that. You were meant to have a bunch of curves, curveballs, a bunch of maybes and could have dones, and a bunch of missed shots that later on you find out you're so grateful you never took. You know, 10 years ago I got pushed out for the first time from a company. I guess some people say fired, I like the sound of pushed out better. And I was heartbroken. Like I had given my all to this company. I had made them millions and millions of dollars and they told me I wasn't good enough. So I spent a few literal months depressed, anxious, upset, until my father told me a story. He said, life is often filled with nails we step on and we could spend our lives trying to figure out why it got there, who did it, whose fault it was, or we could just pull out the nail and feel it. It hurts, but we're fixing it. So at that point, I finally realized it was the greatest gift I could ever have. And that's when I first started truly betting on myself, investing in things, owning some of these businesses, not listening to people who told me that I wasn't good enough. That's when I had my first really big personal win. I made my first dollar all by myself. So if you've been fired, I'm sorry, but also congratulations. That's life. You're supposed to move through it like a river. You wanna be on a boat, not on a rock that has to stand steady and never move and never sees anything differently. And you know, some of us are just born with the fight in us. You know what I mean? I had my heart broken, like truly broken. I was deep in a relationship with a person who completely lied to me, basically told me he loved me. Turns out he had a whole family. He did not love me. I was in fact one of many. I was so hurt I could barely handle it. The only thing I could do or even think about doing was moving outta that city. I didn't know how to walk the streets there anymore., but something flipped for me. I realized, fuck that guy. It's his loss. It inspired me to go become the person I wanted to be, that I didn't feel like another person had to choose me. I could choose myself. You don't have to be stronger or brave or have more courage. For some reason, you just got that grit in you, that consistency to push through, that sick little part inside of your head that likes it when there's a fight cuz you wanna see what you're made of. I don't think God gives us what we deserve. I think God gives us what we can handle. So whatever you got going on in front of you, just know the big guy believes you got everything you need to handle it. But a harsh truth is, if you hang out with losers, you will become a loser. If you hang out with people who say that's not possible, you will become a person who thinks it's not possible. If you hang out with people who have never built anything, you will never build anything. If you hang out with people who make fun of other people, they'll make fun of you next. Cut them out relentlessly. Apologize zero for it. You know, on the road to success, I lost so many friends. The worst part of it is I didn't choose to lose 'em. Most of 'em I tried to pull along to invite places, but For some reason, my success would trigger them. One of my oldest friends from college I now never speak to cuz she said I was too focused on my builder friends and didn't wanna go out and drink with her anymore. She made up this whole story in her head about how she thought I thought she was less than her. And I thought, man, I never thought that until right now. Since then, of course, she's done all the things, you know, talked badly about me to other people, and I've pretty much lost that entire friend group. But here's what I've realized. Losers don't like winners. They will not want you to win. They will smile, they will pretend they're happy for you, but they are not. Only other winners wanna see you win, but losers can become winners. So if you've been a loser before, it's okay. You can change your stripes, but it is not your job to change other people from losers to winners. It's your job to become a winner yourself. Doing that is how you lift people up. Staying around other people who wanna keep you down is how you stay down forever. Imagine trying to get healthy when you're sitting in a petri dish of disease. We take on what is around us, you'll start looking like them, talking like them, acting like them, and before you know it, you'll have the same life as them. There's nothing worse than being around cynics who have achieved nothing. And you know, that kind of made me think that like the other day I heard this ridiculous line that stuck with me. Do crackheads say I can't get high because I'm broke? Nope, they figure it out. So don't let a crackhead work harder than you. It's such a ridiculous idea and yet so true. The real question is like, how bad do you want it? Are you obsessed? Are you grinding? You're just kind of conveniently interested in something a tiny bit. I know it may seem like I've got it figured out with these big companies, books, helping thousands of people buy businesses, but I just want you to know I went to Arizona State University. I partied more than I'd studied. Thank God social didn't exist because wow, we don't need to see those videos. I made every excuse under the sun. I drank too much. I stayed up late. I dated the bad guys. I got close to a few people who wanted something more in life and everything changed.. But when I look back at the other people, my roommates from Arizona State, man, they kept doing that exact same thing. It's a reminder. Don't let people who barely survive in life try harder than you do. Trying is the coolest thing in existence. There's nothing cooler than trying really, really hard at something and not listening when other people tell you it's not possible. So in some ways, go work harder than a crackhead. On the flip side of that, here's a weird secret I hope you learn faster than I did. When you get into rooms with people who have way more zeros than you, your problems are so small they can see into your future. I always thought the word like mastermind or networking was kind of gross, self-serving. Then I got into one kind of on accident. I sat down with this guy named David who was worth $100 million. And at the time, $100 million to me was like, I couldn't even fathom, you know, now we have companies that do $100 million, but back then I was like, that's the richest man in the world. So I asked him a bunch of questions and I think he wasn't used to so direct of questions, but I, ended it with, well, how can I help you? You know, I, I obviously don't have your expertise, you know, but maybe I have people that I could help you connect with. How can I not be self-serving because you've helped me for an hour? And as I did that, he kind of looked at me, gave me a few options. I connected him, and I realized that that relationship, just asking what I could do in return, led to us doing deals together, led to millions, and led to me rethinking the way I think about money forever. So don't be afraid to get into rooms where you're the dumbest. In fact, take take every opportunity to have no ego and ask questions. I don't think you need to pretend to be smart, know-it-all. What I did realize there too is that it's a joy as you get more success when people figure out you did mean exactly what you said. You know, last year I had a guy who I thought was a friend just come at me on the internet. He posted— I think the exact words were, you don't have an original thought in your mind, Codie Sanchez. And I was like, whoa, I am— we're friends. Like, I had helped him, but whatever had happened in his life, the guy thought that I was a waste of space. And I, I asked I'm like, hey, I'm so sorry if, if you felt like this, uh, why? He came at me even harder. And at some point there's something flipped and I realized this isn't about me. This is about him. Sometimes your light is going to shine a spot on somebody else's darkness. When you start getting bigger than other people that used to be bigger than you, they're going to push back. And so I did the exact same thing and I said, you know what? I'm sorry. I apologize. The only thing I regret in this conversation is apologizing to you because you should be doing it to me. And I was really proud of myself in that moment, cuz at some point you're gonna get excited by the idea that you're not there to please people. You meant it. You're keeping the boundary. You're not interested. You're not smiling through it. You got lines now, borders that won't be crossed. You understand what you're worth finally. And the crazy part is you're worth way more than you think right now. So get excited to put up some fences. You know, I also had this, uh, this pastor that I loved and I just started going back to church again. But then one of my friends, Nick Gray, brought me, and I started to, to feel what it felt like to believe somebody else had my back, a higher power. And I don't know if you know this, but the most common saying in the Bible is, do not be afraid. And I remember that every time I'm stressed or scared or worried to like stop, because what you are supposed to have will come to you when you are supposed to have it. You actually never have to really force anything in life. You just have to pursue the things in front of you and trust the process. The stress, the anxiety, the worry, the concern, none of that is necessary. It's normal. It's hard to kill, but it's not necessary because it's all coming to you. And if you just go with the flow and keep swimming like Nemo, I think he had the right idea. And all of that gives me faith because I've realized if I could teach you one thing, it would be this. You gotta stop giving a fuck about what other people think of you. Don't give a fuck because they don't have to live your life. They're not in your head. They don't see your future. They're not part of the plan. They don't understand why you've been put here. That's between you and, if you have a faith like me, your God. They don't like you. That always makes me chuckle. I'm like, you don't like me? You don't even have personality privileges. You don't even know me. They think about you so little, and yet you spend so much time thinking about what they think of you. Now, every time concern from what another thinks crosses my brain, I imagine me grabbing it like a mosquito buzzing around my head. And then I smash it and it's a little graphic. I think about the full squish, you know, I hear that little negative voice they got and I picture it just like a buzzing mosquito. Smash. It always makes me laugh and reminds me that bloodsuckers don't get to give feedback. I go back to this moment also where I'm walking in Mexico City, and I don't know if you guys know this, but I used to run a really large asset management business there, $1 billion in assets under management. It's like an investment business. We had this one client really that almost half of our business in Mexico. They're called Bonimex. It's a really big financial institution. It had taken me years to do business with them. They had millions and millions and millions of dollars with me. And what was crazy is one day my contact there goes, I have to tell you something and you can't tell anyone. And then he tells me that Bonimex is getting bought by my competitor, BlackRock. I was gonna lose all of the business I had built. I had, I had spent years building. With this client, my entire business was basically gonna go away overnight. You know, no money, bankrupt in a way in Mexico. And I was super stressed. So I went on a walk like I do when I'm stressed in Roma, in Mexico City at night by myself, which probably wasn't the best idea back then. And I felt like that tingly sensation at the back of my head, you know, like somebody's following you, walking alongside you. And I saw these two guys on the side of the road on the other side, and I was like, wow, this doesn't seem good. I'm gonna like get my wallet stolen.

Fuck.

But then I was like, this could actually get worse. It's like dark. I don't know what's going on. So I started going into overdrive and I felt like that moment where you can see the little red pill and you're like, do I take it? And then can I see the Matrix? And I knew where I was and I knew a couple of spots that I could sort of sneak into. And there's a place where there's a courtyard that looks like the door would be locked, but it's not. So I took a risk, ran into the courtyard, shut the door, uh, and as they turned the corner, it was really quiet. Hope they didn't find me. My bet was they were gonna just walk right past. I heard 'em talking about me as we were doing it, and I remember being obviously super scared. But you know what I realized in that moment? I kind of got like this adrenaline rush and I realized that winners love pressure. And I thought, if I can figure out this situation with these two guys alone on a street in a foreign country in my second language, I can figure out business because business is not going to kill me. So I think you can tell if somebody's gonna win or lose by how they react when the vice starts to grip them. Do they crack? Do they push back? I get the chills thinking about a little pressure. It's like anticipation for the show, you know, my chance to stand on stage and show what I'm about. So picture yourself, you know, kind of like cracking your knuckles, cracking your neck, rolling the shoulders, standing a little bit straighter. Why? Game time, baby. What a gift pressure is. It means somebody believes that you're capable of stepping up and taking swings. No pressure, no diamond. No pressure, no profit. No pressure, no privilege. Pressure is always required if you wanna become a winner, and you gotta learn how to smile when it shows up. And if you ever struggled, this last one is for you. You know, I don't know if you've ever felt like you were a complete and utter failure, like you had wrapped up your entire identity in whatever you do for work. Uh, that happened to me. I was a CEO, and for me, that's who I was. And then one night I get a phone call and find out that the business was almost completely outta money. I was like so embarrassed thinking, What am I gonna do when these people who depend on me, I can't pay them? What are people going to think? How could I be so dumb? How could I trust this person that had stolen from me and was completely inept? I was despondent and I thought like 10 years were gonna go away basically in the blink of an eye and everybody was gonna realize I was a total failure. And somehow in the middle of the night, I realized something. Regret is a greater disappointment than failure. If it all failed, at least I tried. And that little realization was that sparkle of hope I needed to keep digging until I found the solution to my problem. If you are struggling right now, know this, you have to pay the fee. Whatever you're thinking about doing, go big and do it because the worst thing that can happen isn't failure. It's never trying.