“Addiction, Loneliness and Entrepreneurship: Dan Berger’s Journey”

Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show podcast, the podcast show where we unlock potential one dream at a time. Today we have another guest whose journey is truly worth hearing. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the Moneyway experience.

What's up, my good people? Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show, powered by Believe Network, where we uncover the real stories behind success, resilience, and purpose. I'm your host CJ Moneyway, and today's guests have lived a journey that's as inspiring as it is raw. Dan is an adoptee, immigrant, entrepreneur, and the founder of Social Tables, an event software company. He grew into a leader in the hospitality industry before selling it for a 9-figure deal. I'm gonna let him come on the show and tell you what he did. Hey, what's up, D-Man? How you doing, man? Welcome to the show.

What's going on? Thank you for having me. I gotta say, you know, when you rolled into that, like, you introduced the podcast, I felt like I was in the studio. You really— you made it feel real. That was amazing.

Oh, I appreciate it, dude, man. And I don't take that with a grain of salt either, man, because my man from the Bronx, and we know that they get boogie boogie boogie down out there, man.

So, uh, right, by the way, there was a track, "If it wasn't for the Bronx, it wouldn't be going on," I think something like that. So that still plays in my head. Clearly I don't remember the lyrics, but it's all about the boogie down Bronx.

And so we both found our love for the Yankees, but my man living it true and blue. What'd you say, man? Oakley had a car wash and wrap down the street from your house and everything. So my man been out there in the trenches, man. So D, man, let me ask you first, man, let's start with your book, man. The Quest: The Definitive Guide to Finding Belonging.

Yeah, so for me, I always didn't feel like I belonged. I think a lot of people who've been in my shoes feel the same way. Hell, I think a lot of Americans feel that same way. They look around, they see their neighborhood changing, they see the presidency. It's just like so much going on, and we start asking ourselves, you know, where do we belong? And for me, that was a very primordial question because I was adopted. So from the moment my biological mom decided, I'm going to give this kid up for adoption, she was communicating to me through her hormones and through her, you know, through her emotions when I was still in the womb, you don't belong here. So for me, belonging was always an issue, and it got confounded when I moved to the United States as an immigrant when I was 9 and didn't speak a word of English. So I've been searching for belonging ever since those very, very early days.

Man, that's deep, man. Let me ask you, how many chapters of this book is that, man? How many chapters do you got? Because I know you can go a long way with that.

I think I got like 39,000 words. Wait, are you drinking Pepsi there, CJ?

Nah, you want me to promote them?

Wow, you're not a Coca-Cola guy? What's happening?

Man, I don't discriminate, man. I drink Coke, I drink Pepsi, Mountain Dew, you know, Dr Pepper. I don't discriminate.

Yeah, I can't. Pepsi is— I can't do it. I do Coca-Cola. That's my vice. That's my vice.

Okay.

Okay. So yeah, my book is like roughly 40,000 words, which is about 12, 13. I have a bonus chapter, so 13 chapters. And like, it's no bullshit. Like, it's very matter of fact. Like, you know, most people only sell less than 1,000 books. So I didn't make this to get rich. I mean, it cost me— I paid to get published. It was one of those deals. And I think I've sold right around 1,000. My goal is to get my book out in front of people so they understand how to find belonging, because it's not like, oh, poor little old me, I didn't have belonging. It's more like, oh, this is what I did in order to get over my belonging traumas. So my book is very well cited. I have 120 works in my bibliography, and it's a very scientific but very approachable way to find belonging. I'll give you a very small example. I talk about what I call the belonging tank. And it's just a fuel tank. And I ask people, you know, what's in your fuel tank? Where do you get belonging? You know, and belonging is where do you feel a sense of fit and where you feel respected and accepted? And people start saying, well, my family, you know, my homies from college. They say my best friend. They say my bro— the people I play bridge with. They say walking in nature. And then I'm like, okay, well, how much is empty in that tank? Like 20%. I'm like, okay, well, let's figure out what to do with that 20%. And by the way, let's review the 80%. So that's the belong— I just give very specific examples that are scientific in order for people to figure out where they could find their sense of belonging.

Man, I know that had to be deep, man. So let me ask you, because you brought this up, being adopted and everything, and you've been open about being adopted and an immigrant. How did those experiences shape your early sense, as you were talking about, of belonging or not belonging? You know, like, give us an example, like when you was in school, in elementary school, what made you feel like you didn't belong and What sense did you get to where maybe you start feeling like you was fitting in?

Fantastic, fantastic question, because something very specific comes to mind. I remember coming into 4th grade, and keep in mind, up until the age of 8, you know, going on 9, I was in Israel, and I had my friends, I had my crew, we had a clubhouse, you know, we had a treehouse, we were doing our thing. And I was just— imagine, it's like one of those machines, you know, in like the arcade with the mechanical arm, the claw, it comes in. Picks you up and then—

Dub you up. Yeah. Yep.

That's what I felt was happening. I was picked up from where I was comfortable and I was dropped off into a place I had no idea existed. And I didn't speak the language and I didn't know Little League and I didn't know comics. Because in Israel, there was only one TV channel back then. So even from a cultural perspective, I was a deficit. And the academics call it negotiating identity. You're negotiating your identity. So I was negotiating my identity from a very young age. And to answer your question directly, when I got into 4th grade, I realized very quickly there's a pecking order. There's cool kids, there's not so cool kids. And I ended up, you know, being ostracized, obviously. So what I did is I said— I organized a birthday party for my 9th birthday, and I invited the whole class.

Mhm.

And then from then on, it was all smooth sailing. Obviously, I picked up the language. But that was my thing. And very early on, I was doing— I was the guy bringing everybody together. And that's how I cope with belonging. I was the one, I was the orchestrator. I was the unifier. And that's how I address my belonging issues. I just found— I created belonging. I didn't just seek it.

I like that, man. I started laughing because I just knew you was gonna tell me that you found your belonging in the not so cool kid. Because the way that you showed me that you threw a baseball bat, I know you didn't impress nobody with that move right right there.

I was in the green room, man. What are you doing out here revealing green room dialogue?

I didn't show them how you do it, man. I just showed them how— don't do that no more.

Yeah, yeah. So for anyone listening out there, for only a dollar a day, you can support my throwing career.

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Hey, so man, so you grew up, you had the gift of gab, you was quick on your feet, you thought you like, you know what, let me bring everybody together. So that's been your trait moving forward. So let me ask you, Dan, man, were there moments or key moments in your childhood or adolescence where you felt truly seen?

So it's a good question, because being seen is one of the feelings of belonging. You know, a lot of places you go somewhere and you just can't show up as yourself. You know, you and I, we vibe I got on the call, I was able to be myself. And your energy was not like, hello, how are you? You were like, what's up? But, you know, take your load off, you know, kick your feet up. So that made me feel comfortable. So key to feeling comfortable in any environment is to feel welcome, you know. And the way to do that, by the way, is to be hospitable. You were hospitable when I came on, you know, that established my sense of belonging with you and on the show and with your listeners. So that's really important. So in order to feel seen, you have to know where you're not seen. You feel me? So basically, if you get to a place where you're like, well, you know, this is fucked up, like these people, they're not acknowledging me, I'm sitting here, nobody cares that I'm on the sidelines, and so on. I call that rejection and navigation. You got to be able to reject people, but you also got to be able to accept their rejection of you. And this for me has been very obvious, because as you can probably tell, I'm a little rough around the edges.

And in America, yeah, that's right, that's right.

And in America, and from Israel, and Israel is like a tough place, you know, you're surrounded by enemies and whatever, and it's hot and everybody— it's a small country. So there's many places in American culture where I just don't fit in because I'm like this, and I'm totally fine with that. Like, yeah, because I say if you— if you belong everywhere, you belong nowhere. Not everybody belongs, and that's okay. And I think society is like, everybody belongs here. Oh, you know, we gotta No, we not. No, not everybody. And that's, by the way, let me get political real quick. That's the problem between the Republicans and Democrats. Republicans like, you don't belong, you don't belong, you don't belong. Democrats are like, we all belong. Well, shit, how about it's somewhere in the middle?

Yeah, yeah, that's compromise somewhere. I mean, yeah, compromise somewhere down the line, you know, right? But we already know how that is, man. So, you know, you being from Israel and things that's going on in that nature, things going on here, man, we both like our careers right now, D, man. So we not gonna get into all that. And as I've been telling people, I don't want to go to Alcatraz, uh, Alligator Alcatraz. That ain't for the kid, man.

So CJ, well, you're gonna have a choice because you're at Alligator Alcatraz, but now Alcatraz is reopening, I hear.

Yeah, I mean, they got—

which Alcatraz do you want?

Or, or, uh, what is it called? Speedway Slammer. That's what they got here in Indiana, Speedway Slammer. So I don't want to visit neither one of them places, but we know how it is, man. So let me ask you, uh, D, man, You said Social Tables was a belonging band-aid.

Yes.

What do you mean by that?

What I was just talking about is like, I created belonging because I didn't belong anywhere. So that— so my life has just been like that compounded. I was like, okay, so it started with like inviting, you know, creating belonging in that, in that party in fourth grade. But then it was like, okay, I created belonging in grad school. And I created belonging in high school. And then I kept creating belonging. And then I was like, well, what's the ultimate way of creating belonging? Well, guess what? Starting a company. Because in that— because you can control that environment. You're playing, you know, judge, jury, executioner. And it's a little fiefdom. And when you get to 120 employees like I did, it felt really good. And self-esteem is one of the belonging fuels there. I talk about 6 different belonging fuels. One of them is self-esteem. So that's when we feel seen, or even more, we're rewarded for who we are. So that's an infinite— there's a positive feedback loop. So I started Social Tables. It wasn't like— it was subconscious. I was like, oh, let me just address my belonging by starting my own company, setting my own rules. But it actually turned out to be exactly what I needed in order to find belonging, which is why when I sold my company, I was again belongingless. Mm.

Why was that? I mean, yeah, you got it. Like, why would you feel belongless? Especially, you know, as I think I mentioned, you sold it for a 9-figure deal. We're not gonna get into your pockets like that, but 9 figures is 9 figures. So how did you feel?

I sold for $100 million. And I made, I made a little less than 20% on that. So I put that out there. I have no problem. This is the CJ Moneyway Show. We're going to talk about money. I have no problem with that. I put it out there. And that's the funny thing, though, right? Like, like most people, you sell your baby, your company, not literally, and then you're kind of back to square one.

Yeah.

And that's just because you've done, you've done, you know, 5, 10, 15, 20 years of building this baby, and then it's gone. So I didn't— my sense of belonging, because I was— I wasn't married. I didn't have kids. I spent all my time with the company. I had friends in the company. I had my self-esteem through that company.

I—

there's on and on and on. So all that was like cut, you know, at the neck. And I had to go back to square one. And square one for me was kind of refocusing and going on this journey that I wrote about in The Quest, which is why it's called The Quest. And it's what I did in order to refine my sense of belonging, or actually find it for the first time, because I never took an actual methodical approach to it.

So let me ask you, man, speaking of, you know, you saying after you sold your baby, you spent all these years building it, and you know, you was going through different things. I know probably in the beginning it's like, hey, let's add a little relaxation, you know what I'm saying? Whatever. I know D probably went out Florida kicking it, whatever, and things of that nature. But let me ask you, man, what was that moment after you first sold the company that you realize, I'm not okay with it?

Please note that I sold it in '18. And that was in November, November. And then I left in '19, November. And then we all know what happened in 2020. COVID.

COVID.

So you know what compounds belonginglessness from losing everything, your friends, your quote unquote family and so on? COVID. So what did I do? I got in my car with a couple friends, good friends at the time, we're no longer friends, some of them, and we did a road trip, 4-month road trip across America, 15,000 miles, 18 cities, in my freaking Tesla. So we had to stop at all kinds of places to charge, and we just fucking went, you know, went on this road trip, great American road trip. And that was really the start of my journey to find belonging because it got me— it made me realize, you know what, my friends are kind of like— not all of them are, you know, they say, you know, you're the sum of your 3 closest friends or whatever. I was like, I don't want to be like this.

Yeah.

So then I got to Boise, Boise, Idaho. I was like, well, you know what, I can live here. Like, I can do whatever I want. Why don't I just live here? And then I was like, oh crap, there's really no Jewish community. And I didn't even know I cared about that, but I do. So let me lean into my Judaism. So that was really the start, you know, of me kind of finding what most people take for granted, CJ. Most people take for granted a big family. I don't have a big family. My parents are only children. I have no siblings. I wasn't raised with spirituality. People go to church, you know, so I didn't have those foundations a lot of people have. So for me, it was back to square one. And it started with that road trip that got me to Idaho. Mm-hmm.

And that's pretty cool. Because as you said, it's funny how life goes sometimes. Because as you said, when you started, like, some of us not friends anymore, you know, whatever, but it was just a journey that you all took and that made you realize what you saw, you know what I'm saying, that you needed to see at that time as you was going through what you was going through to pick up the pieces and get to where you are now, man. I mean, we never know what life gonna take us, man, or why we do the things that we do. But I tell you what, D, remind me not to go on a road trip with any of my buddies across the world— I mean, across the world, man, because we may not wind up being friends.

Listen, we lasted 4 months. That's a— that's pretty good.

Yeah, that is. Because I was just telling the lady at work today, because she going on a cruise, and you know, I'm like, how long you going? She said 7 days. I said, whoo. I like— me and my wife and my son, we only go 4 days, and by the time we get back home, it'd be, okay, you go to your spot, you go to your spot, and I go to my spot. We don't need to talk to each other till tomorrow.

Everybody need their space, man. Yeah, you gotta come up for air like, "Hup!" Yeah, yeah, you gotta come back for air, for sure.

Yeah. So let me ask you, man, the spiral and recovery. Addiction, whether to work, substance, or behavior, often masks a deeper wound. What was the hardest truth you had to face about yourself during recovery?

So I'm very open about my addiction. I was, um, I am a sex addict. And sex addict doesn't mean like, oh, you know, you're— I commit adultery. It's not none of that. I think there is, and I'm not gonna get on my soapbox, but basically, like, I think people are not having the conversation around pornography that we need to have. And so anyway, all that aside, you asked me a very important question. But I said what I just said, because it relates to the answer. Your question was, what did I have to face in recovery? And the answer is the feeling of worthlessness and the lack of self-esteem and the lack of spirituality. CJ, they say that recovery is for the spiritually anorexic. It's for people that need a program in order to, like, pick themselves up, and the only solution in that program is a higher power. That's what it's all about. Any kind of recovery, any any 12-step. So all that being said, I had to come to the terms that my, my higher power loves me, and I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, and that everything will be okay if I surrender to that higher power and I accept what happens. And that's, that's what recovery is all about. I mean, so to me, it was resting in my worthlessness and my low self-esteem, which originates from being adopted.

Well, I'm gonna be honest with you, man, since we talking and, you know, we buddies right now. Me too, man, you know what I'm saying? I'm just gonna keep it 100. Just, you know, sex, sex, sex, you know. I didn't never think that I was a sex addict, but, you know, just going through the motions, man. Kids, children, you know what I'm saying? Different things, man. Just so many pitfalls that I created for myself, you know. As I was sitting back and I was thinking about this earlier, maybe yesterday, I was thinking about this And so as you say, spirituality and things of that nature, I was brought to the scripture where it talks about, matter of fact, a young man at church, he preached yesterday and it kind of opened up something for me yesterday just thinking about what he said. But it took me here, D, it say that, you know, like fighting against the flesh, man. You know what I'm saying? That flesh is so weak and you drawn to this and that. You know what I'm saying? And then this morning I was thinking while I was at work, it's because that it says that when I, I no longer have control of myself, you know what I'm saying? Because now it's the sin issues that takes control of me, so I don't have no control of it. So when I'm going out here being with multiple women every night, I don't want to be alone or whatever, whatever, it's because I'm putting myself in the position that I can't get out of. And so as you said and alluded to, I need some help.

That's right. And you know, and to build on that You know, and I'll tell you, I'll tell you in a second why I— you're absolutely right about help and, and what's special about fellowship with sex addiction in particular.

As I'm—

I always— I mean, I say I'm a love, sex, and porn addict. And love, it was like, I love being loved. Who doesn't love to be loved? And on top of that, I need love because my self-esteem is so low. So I get the validation from— I used to get the validation from women. I'm in recovery, and that's how I felt validated. And then that wasn't enough, so then it was sex. And, and then I'm married, so it's porn. But all that compulsive behavior— and by the way, everybody's got a compulsion. Everybody's got a compulsion. Maybe you don't realize— oh, eating, vaping, pornography. 25% of the searches in the world, internet searches, are pornography.

There—

we are sick. We're sick. And, you know, you said something interesting. You talked about, you know, fellowship around a higher power. And that's why I love recovery. It's everything I need. Which is community, a process, which, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 through 12, and love, you know, love from my higher power, love for my fellows, love for my sponsor. Recovery is perfect for somebody like me because that's what I long for, is community, process, and love. And that fellowship really gets you that.

Yeah, it does, you know. And like you say, and then Like submitting, submitting yourself. That's why I had to come to the grips that, you know, sometimes we going through this thing, man, we fighting against our own selves, you know what I'm saying? Kicking against the prick, as they say. But he trying to lead you one way, but I don't want to go that way. I want to go the way that I want to go, you know what I'm saying? And so in that, I'm going to do the things or indulge in the things that's aligning in the direction that I'm going. So if I see weed, I'm smoking weed. If I see alcohol, I'm drinking alcohol. I see women, I'm having sex. You know what I'm saying? I mean, that's the road that I chose to go down. Right?

Which is why in recovery, we say one day at a time, right? One day at a time. And then, you know, then the rooms, you say one day at a time, one, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, every time. And then the key is what I've learned. And I'm working on this every day. But the key is what they call an AA they call think through the drink. Or in other, other recovery, they say play the tape forward. What does that mean? That means if you do that, what's gonna happen? If you pick up that bottle, what's gonna happen if you do that? Like, and so many— and that's the compulsion piece, right? It's like, ah, good compulsion. And only when you realize that you can't stop it and you need a spiritual intervention— you don't have to, you don't have to walk out into, you have to walk in and, you know, swear to Jesus Christ. I mean, you can swear to whoever you want. In fact, there are many atheists recovery. But as long as you believe that some— a higher— and we say it, and we say in recovery, we came to believe a power, only a power greater than ourselves can lead us. That's what recovery is all about.

I like it, man. I like it. And I add this, when we first talked, man, what did I say I was from?

Well, first you said LA.

No, I did not. I say I'm an LA fan. I say I'm a big LA Laker fan.

I mean, you're in Indy right now.

Gary Indiana, Michael Jackson. You said something and we both had a connection with that. And so what I was saying was Michael Jackson, a lot of times what it's hard for is to look at the man in the mirror. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Once you look at that man in the mirror, I guess you wouldn't know, see either, huh?

No, no, I don't think—

you know, baseball, you know, say we didn't talk about his hoop career, we didn't even go there. So, uh, we just gonna leave it as is. So let me ask you, uh, uh, D, man, The Quest and Belonging.

Well, I gotta tell you one thing. I gotta tell you one thing about that.

Go ahead.

I used to— I tried to play drums, and my drum teacher told me, said to me, he said, I have never met a worse student than you. That's how bad I was at drumming. I just don't have— I may— I, I have some gifts and I lack many others.

So anyway, man, this was a divine call of the day, man, because you funny as I don't know what. I was just talking to somebody the other day about bands. I said, yeah, because when I was in the band, I could— oh, me and my wife went to go see Big Daddy Kane the other day.

Okay.

Yeah, of course, at the winery in Chicago.

We went to go around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's doing his thing. And he had an all-white band, and man, they were jamming, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I mean, they, they was jamming.

So, uh, you're saying white people have rhythm too?

Yeah, yeah, them boys was bad. You know, I went— we went to go see Nas in Vegas last month, and you know, they got an orchestra, you know, like he started off with an orchestra playing and everything. And man, that was tight too, you know, that was tight. It gave me a new look on, on people in that industry, you know what I'm saying, or whatever. But I was telling my wife, when I was in band, my band teacher, 8th grade, Mr. Phillips, said I was the worst too because he tried to get me to play the trombone. Man, I couldn't read no music to, you know what I'm saying, to save my life, D. You know, that was not my thing. You know, you get me on the table, this and that, but try to play some instrument? Nah, man, I wasn't like American Pie. Remember when we went to band camp? Yeah, yeah, that was not the kid, man. It wasn't me.

So you didn't play, you didn't play any instrument?

No instruments. I couldn't. When I, as I got older, I had no rhythm. I used to be Michael Jackson when I was younger. Doing dances and doing them for Christmas and parties and everything. That was my thing. But I grew up, I'm just a two-stepper.

I'm a one-stepper.

Side to side, you know, that's me, D.

So, uh, dude, like, you know, when I get concert, people clap their hands, I always have to look around. I'm like, okay, uh, okay, uh, I can't clap my hands.

I hope you didn't do it just the way that you just did it right now, man. Just like pitching deep, man. Do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do that again in my Chris Tucker voice.

Dude, I am like canceling myself as we speak.

Hey man, so let me ask you, D, man. The Quest and Belonging. You built your book around a framework for belonging, as we've been talking about. What was the first step you took personally that actually made a difference?

You know, the first thing I did was read the research about happiness. And what I learned through that research is that generally speaking, 50% of your happiness is predetermined by our genetic set point. So that means that 50% is already completely up to God. And then 40%, I learned, comes from your circumstance— excuse me, from your voluntary activities. You know, what you do. You do this, that, the other. And 10% comes from your circumstances— family you're born into, neighborhood you're in, and so on and so forth. So then I was like, okay, well, 50% I can't change, 10% I can sort of change— I can move, I can change jobs, whatever— but 40% is really up to me. I can do anything I want in order to get— and that's what I think a lot of people kind of like don't really think about. And I can explain why if we want to. But basically, they don't think about how they can control the amount of happiness or the amount of joy they have in their life. And so that's one of the first steps for me is like, how do I find more joy? And then I realized, oh, shit, it's the things that I do. And then the question was, well, what should I do? That is the process. That's how I got to that. And I read in the book The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, and he talks about this, what I just suggested, this pie chart, if you will. And I was like, okay, well, I just got to do things that I like more. And that's where the belonging tank comes in. That 40% is what that tank looks like. I mean, sorry, that's what the belonging tank that I talked about is good in that 40%. So I get my belonging through spending time with my daughter, I get my belonging through meditating, I get my belonging through hosting a podcast, whatever. So, or even fest— actually, music shows that we talked about a lot are a pathway to belonging, because you're part of a crowd. And being a part of the crowd is a way to belong. So Anyway, and actually research shows that people still rank, they have higher morals, so to speak, after an event, because they were a collective. So there's many, many different things I can point to that help people find belonging. For me, it was figuring out what should I actually do to feel it.

I like that, man. Speaking of that, let me ask you this question real quick, D. How can someone tell the difference between fitting in and belonging? So it's kind of the same thing.

I mean, belonging is the act of fitting in. I think belonging is a little more, because belonging requires two people. I can fit in, I can be like, oh, I fit in here. But how do you know you fit in here? Yeah, you know, the answer, by the way, is you're validated by the environment to tell you that you fit in. So belonging is both an experience and a feeling. I feel like I belong, and I'm getting signals that I belong. So for example, you make me feel like I belong on this podcast because you're asking questions, we're making jokes, we even make fun of each other. That's how men bond. Yeah, we make fun of each other. Women don't do that. They're not like, you look fat. They would never say that. But guys would be like, oh shit, you put on weight, dude.

Yeah, you growing something, man. Yeah, yeah, that weight That's right. Exactly.

So, you know, you made me feel like I belong. So I don't just know that I fit in. I know through our dialogue, I belong on your podcast. So again, the difference is that fitting in is like a perception, while belonging is a perception and an experience. Yeah, so it's validated. And it's kind of like a snowball. It like gets better and better, you know, and then, and as you belong more, you contribute more to what you're a part of. So then your belonging is intensified because you have more of a stake in it.

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I like that too. And like you say, people value you more because a lot of times we just, we trying to fit in somewhere where we know we don't fit, you know, just like you said earlier, you know, you rode on the road trip with your friends and you say, you know what, I'm getting a sense I don't want to do some of the things that they do, you know what I'm saying? My values are different, you know. And so that's sometimes the same way with trying to fit in. Like, my values different than y'all, but these the cool kids though. So I want to fit in over here with them, but I don't actually belong here. You know what I'm saying? So that's why I was asking.

I have a term for that. There's 3 kinds of like what I call fake belonging. One of them is— well, 3 of them are nostalgic belonging. You do it because they used to give you belonging. It doesn't give you any more. There's misconceived belonging. Where you think there is belonging and it's actually not belonging. But that's about kind of like belonging. I'm actually gonna look this up because I always forget. Give me one second.

It's all good, man. Yeah, so that's why I was asking, you know, because I know that there's different types, you know, that you feel a different way. You see it all the time. That's just how society is, you know. Like we was talking earlier about political stuff. Some of these people don't believe some of the stuff that they doing, you know what I'm saying? But they feel like they belong somewhere, you know.

They do it because it was handed down by our parents or relative or friends or whatever. They do it because they used to make them feel good, and it doesn't anymore. Or they do it because they think it gives it to them and it doesn't. So again, how many times— to the listeners, right— how many times have you went to something just because we used to go to the same thing? You know, like, how many times have you, like, done something because you never question why you're doing it? It's just what It's just what we do. And that's why it's really important to have this belonging mindset and thinking, does it give me a sense of belonging? Is this filling my tank? Or is it sucking energy out of my tank? And a lot of the things we do suck out the energy. And the reality is, CJ, is that it doesn't require a lot of changes. It just requires just some, some critical thinking.

I like that, man. I like it. So we can go on and on about it because you got me over here thinking, well, this is a serious conversation because these are things that's going on in society, right? Right now, you know what I'm saying? Do you belong where you're at? You know, I think about it like that. So let me ask you, man, me and that connection, as you was talking about how me and we can joke on each other, dump on each other, you know what I'm saying, and keep it moving. We— you know what men can do too that women can't do a lot? We can have all-out disagreement, agree to disagree. We going head to head, toe to toe. I want to fight you, you want to fight me, but We give it a couple of days or whatever, and we come back as if nothing ever happened because men can hug it out, shake it out, and we can keep it moving. Women can't do that.

So true.

Well, some men can do that. You know what I'm saying? Real men can do that.

I mean, it's so— I mean, yeah, like the shit I've been through with my closest friends, it's like, you know, it's like, you're a fucking idiot. No, you're a fucking idiot. Okay, how are you doing? Yeah.

You get over stuff.

Am I cursing too much?

Are we gonna— okay, they're gonna beep you. It's gonna go beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. But I don't try to control what somebody else do, you know. I can only control me. But you know, hey, we buddies, because I ain't saying that I got a virgin mouth. I'm not gonna sit here and say I got a virgin mouth, but I have to keep up my personality.

That's right, that's right.

Yes, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty unpolished. You polished enough, man. So Let me ask you, man, I only got a couple more questions for you, D-Man, but I got all day. Oh man, I don't. I gotta go back to work tonight, you know what I'm saying? I gotta do a double, man. I just got off today, so I gotta catch me a little nappy nap real quick. Let me ask you, D-Man, I got 2 more questions for you, but I, I do have this quick fire round, okay? It's been real popular on the CJ Moneyway Show with the guests and the fans. I'm gonna ask you 5 questions. And you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't get intimidated, man. You from the Bronx, you know. And so I know that, you know, like we say, you got that boogie down production, KRS-One.

So you don't stop. Yes, yes, y'all, that's what I— again, my, my music— I'm just trying to show you that I'm down. I'm just trying to show you that I'm down. Most people will not know that.

Hey, D, man, remind me, man, if I come to New York City, man, and we come kick it, we will not go to a concert, man. We got a basketball game, man. We ain't gonna go to no concert, bro.

Dude, seriously though, I am showing you my unbelievable knowledge early, okay? Most people, 9 out of 10 people, they don't know who KRS-One is.

No, they don't. But you better know who KRS-One is. You on the home turf, man. So, you know, you all had no excuse.

That's your—

and you are the— what you call yourself? You're the bring-together. You bring everybody together. So you had to bring them together on some stuff that everybody can relate to.

So ironically, CJ, when I sing, I don't bring people together. They run away. They run away.

I can second that motion because you tried to sing and you tried to rap, and both of them is like— I know you know what the Apollo is, right?

Of course, I used to watch the show after every— okay, Saturday after. Hey, my first job was working for Charlie Rangel, who represented Harlem in the Congress. I worked for 4 years.

For real?

Yes, Mr. Rangel. I went to the funeral a month ago. Mr. Rangel and I— I mean, yeah, he's— he was like one of my first mentors.

Well, I'm sorry that, you know, what happened to him, but you know, the Apollo, you would be— you would—

come out, Sam, man, will come out.

I'm glad I had I'm glad I had to finish that for you. Long as you know, again, I want to show you that I know.

And even though I, I used to love the Apollo, I love that show.

Oh man, you know what, we'll go, we just gonna go to a Yankees game, man. We, we'll be like, uh, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence in the movie Life, man. We'll just go to the game and watch the game at the end, man.

I would love it if they brought Def Comedy Jam though.

Oh, that would be hot, wouldn't it? But who's a young up-and-coming star that can do— that can be Martin? Martin was Martin, man, you know. That's not getting that— get that twisted. Martin Lawrence was one of them.

Martin, he had a show named Martin.

Yeah, I like that. Martin was so Martin, he had a show called Martin. And I watch it every day when I'm trying to go to sleep. Like, when I go to bed, I cut it on because I've watched every episode so much. It's something that I can fall asleep on, you know, opposed to something that I'm just watching. And so I'm like, 10 to 1, keep staying up. But Martin, I love Martin. I quote Martin all the time.

You know what the white version of Martin is?

Who, uh, not the one that was on this— Seinfeld. I never really watched Seinfeld, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I've watched some of Seinfeld, but I— not all of it though. So ain't he from New York too somewhere in that? Wouldn't you—

Seinfeld?

Okay, okay. I know Seinfeld, but I know I watched some of it, but you know.

No, my point is that it's also about like one person and the show's name is also that person's name, Seinfeld, like Martin and Seinfeld, and they're both the real names.

Yeah, yeah.

And one represents Black culture, the other one presents like white culture. So I think it's just an interesting— and it was right around the same time, so I just think it's That's the only thing I thought about is that.

And I like the way you brought that up because that means when you got a show named after you, you are somebody, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you somebody.

CJ Moneyway Show.

Yeah, I ain't gonna go there, you know what I'm saying? They somebody. I'm just a nobody trying to be a somebody, trying to tell somebody. So let me ask you, D-Man.

Talk to me.

Today and your next chapter, what does belonging look like for you right now as a husband, father, and leader?

Okay, so when I was running Social Tables, I always put what I call professional belonging before personal belonging. I put my work first. I put my work friends first. I was getting all my belonging needs met through my work. When I sold, it was all gone. And as we talked about, I had no personal foundation of belonging, no spirituality, no girlfriend, no family. And then I lost my friends a little bit, some of them during the road trip. So the difference today than what it was back then is I have personal belonging and I have a foundation. I know what happened. No matter what happens to me professionally, personally, I have my sense of life. I'm a dad. She's 9 months old. My wife and I tried for 3 years to have her. So it's a real, a real gift. We've been through so much, you know. My wife did 12 fertility treatments to get there. It was, it was hell. So I have a ton of love for her, and that's belonging, you know, right there is that biological belonging, which as an adoptee I didn't have it. So I can end that cycle. I can continue my biology. So that's first and foremost professionally. My Judaism and my Jew— my Israeli identity, my Israeli-American identity, my Jewish identity is there more than it ever was. So, you know, that's a big piece of it. Again, personal belonging. And I have a really strong group of friends from different places. I run a men's group with 27 men that meets monthly, so I have that. I have a couple of peer advisory groups. So I have all the components for personal belonging, which is something I never had prior. And that's the difference. So the difference is, back in the day, I put professional professional before I put personal. Now I put personal before I do professional. And that is what flipped in my head and why I can do belonging much better now.

I like that. I like that. And I'm not gonna add on or take away from that. All I'm gonna say is that is the core of this show, building brick by brick, because it ain't easy doing something like that. I already know. So last question, man, I'm gonna ask you on this.

Let's go.

Tell us about Assemble Hospitality Group and why retreats are such a powerful tool for team belonging.

So I don't know who wrote your questions, but they're all really good. They're amazing questions. Like, I don't— I'm not patronizing. I think they're very, very good. And so you did a great job. I mean that. So let's kind of go back to this thesis that I have. And the thesis that I have is that people need to get back together. Forget COVID, that's set us apart. Now we don't even know what's real anymore. You know, half the shit that you read online, the content is probably AI-generated. Videos are starting to be AI-generated. I mean, we don't have a safety and trust system in society. For now, the president, there can be an AI of the president saying he's declaring war, and that can be completely fake, and that can move markets, that can move, you know, nations. And then, so my point is is a lot of things happen virtually that we don't believe or we need to question. So what's left is in person, and in person needs to come back. And I think it is coming back in a big way. And to me, there is such magic when you get a team together to do something special, whether it's a wellness retreat, whether it's a strategic offsite, whether it's a mastermind, whatever it is. And to create that sense of belonging on a team is what we need to do for each other and for our sanity.

Mm-hmm.

So my thesis is that we need more places to get together, and Airbnbs aren't good enough because they're like homes, and hotels are cookie cutter. So I'm creating a new brand called Assemble of retreat facilities for teams to come together and do their thing. And that can be for one night, it can be for multiple nights. And they can do whatever they want. We'll book whatever experiences they want. And they come in a very intentional way in a sacred space that makes them feel like they belong to the team.

I like that, man. So on that note, Dan, man, tell us, where can we find all of this amazing stuff, man, that you're doing? Where can we find you on social media? Where can we find your book? Where can we, you know, say, look for you for this assembly thing? Because that sounds very interesting, man.

So everybody can go on belongingquest.com/quiz and take literally a 10-second quiz to find out their belonging persona. And as soon as you take that quiz, I tell you what to do to find your sense of belonging based on who you are. There's 4 personas: Chimp, Meerkat, Snow Leopard, Wolf. Each one has distinct belonging personality. You can go on the website right now, find your personality. It'll tell you what fuels— what belonging fuels work best for you based on who you are. So that's like very simple. And they There's free chapters to download. All that information is free. No problem. But as far as I'm concerned, if people want to get in touch with me or whatever, you can do that on Dan Berger on any of the socials. D-A-N-B-E-R-G-E-R. And that's me on the socials. I mean, it'd be silly to enumerate all the other websites, but just look me up and you'll find everything.

He like Seinfeld and Martin. He say, just Google my name. You'll find me. I ain't hard to find. My name is Dan Berger. Pop up everywhere. Hey, go ahead, D-Man, you ain't got it.

No, no, no, no, that's not true. There's a bunch of impersonators out there. There's a wine critic, there is a comic, there is like this woke-ass social justice professor. There is all this. Yeah, yeah, Dan J Burger is how you find me when you Google me.

Got you, got you. I had that in there too, Dad J Burger, but then I say— okay, I wrote it down, I got you.

No imitations, no emos.

Hey, so like we was talking, uh, in the green room, we can't say that. No emos, what we was talking about earlier. You gotta rhyme it, you gotta rhyme it, you know what I'm saying? You gotta spit some bars, D, you gotta spit some bars, right? Hey, so D-Man, you ready for this quickfire round, man?

Let's go, bring it, let's go.

I'm ready. All right, man, don't get nervous or something. First thing you do in the morning?

Uh, check my phone.

That's just me too.

But for a long time, for actually, the first thing I do is put on my Star of David. And I say the prayer, "Modeni lefanecha melechay v'kayam shekhzata bini shmatti bechamala rabayim uratcha." That means, "Thank you, dear God, for putting my soul back in my body." And that's the first prayer I say. So I put on this necklace and I say that prayer, but then I check my phone.

I like that. First thing I say, "Thank you, Lord, for letting me see another day." So I'm with you on that 100%. Book you've gifted most.

Yes, I've gifted most of my books.

Which one have you gifted the most? Which book have you gifted the most out of?

Oh, my own. Let me tell you, let me tell you the second one. Let me tell you the second one. Second one is the book called Predictable Success by Les McKeown. It's the best business book in my opinion.

Best business book. What's the name again?

Predictable Success.

Predictable Success. Okay. One word your closest friend will use to describe you.

Generous.

One place you feel most at home?

Right here where I'm sitting, and we're in Boise, Idaho, at my home.

Best decision you made in the past year?

To go to enter recovery and start treating my mental health illness.

Mm, there you have it from my man D. Hey D, man, before we get out of here, you got one last nugget, man, to share with us before we get out of here?

No, I'm grateful for your time. I'm grateful for your listeners for putting up with my singing, my clapping, my throwing. It's been terrible, and I'm surprised they're still tuned in. It's probably because of you and not because of me.

Well, we know one thing, we're not going to no concert. Matter of fact, Max, cause wonder if they just picked you out the crowd to throw the first pitch of the game or something. It's just one of them random things, they pick you to go out there and I'm sitting there with you, man. That'd be embarrassing. Who is that? 50 Cent? 50 Cent, that went out there, threw that ball like that. Oh yeah, yeah, we can't have no 50 Cent moment. 50, yeah, yeah, just playing, man. Don't be trolling me on, on Instagram and all that. I'm just joking, bro. I don't want no smoke.

I'm actually— I wonder if I got picked to do that, they would probably— they would probably— I would get kids. Yeah, I'll get hot dogs thrown at me and fucking beer.

That's what I'm saying, man. If I go to the game with you and you like— and you— that happened, man, you know, no, you're gonna be like this. You're like Yeah, we're gonna have to find something different, man. Maybe we're gonna have to find a library, man, and go read some books or something, you know what I'm saying? Or give us the book, do book signing or something, man.

Who knows? I talk too much, they'll throw me out of the library.

Yeah, you don't talk too much, maybe they might get you for your potty mouth, you know what I'm saying?

That's what it'll be. You know what, real talk, they'll probably get me for my Star of David because we're experiencing so much antisemitism, unfortunately. So God God forbid it. Unfortunately, you know, this symbol has become less of a symbol of pride and more of a symbol of shame for so many of us.

So God willing, that will change. Hey, represent what you represent, bro. Hey, so again, man, I thank you for being so open and vulnerable today, man. Like what you just talking about with your chain and your Star of David, you know what I'm saying? That's just— that's being open. That's being honest and, you know, transparent, man. So I appreciate you bringing that authenticity to the show today, man. Your story isn't just about building a successful business. It's about building a life that feels whole, connected, and true. For those listening, you can grab a copy of The Quest and learn more about Dan's work at danjburger.com. Whether you're battling loneliness, trying to build a stronger team, or just looking for a deeper sense of connection in life, this is a conversation worth revisiting. Dan, you're giving us more than just insight. You're giving us permission to seek real belonging, and that might be the most valuable able thing of all. Until next time, this your boy CJ Moneyway with my man DJ Burger from the Bronx. We out of here. Peace.

Thank you.

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Mm-hmm.