He Put His Dream on Hold for 17 Years to Raise Four Children | Mark on Purpose, Family & Second C...

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What's up, my good people? Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show in association with Believe Network, where we bring you stories behind the success. Today our guest is a storyteller who hit pause for something far greater. Mark is an author of 5 books, but in the middle of his writing career, he and his wife made a life-changing decision to adopt 4 older children. Man, I got to give you credit for that, Mark. All facing PTSD and learning challenges. That decision meant stepping away from the page and into full-time parenting for nearly 17 years. Now Mark is back with a brand new novel and even a deeper purpose. This is a story about sacrifice, creativity, and what it really means to show up for the people you love and still come back to the dreams you planted long ago. Mark, welcome to the show, man. Glad to have you on.

Thank you. Thank you for that introduction. I don't know if I have anything to add.

You got everything there. You know, that's pretty amazing, man. That shows the fortitude and the mindset and the servanthood of you and your wife. Not only to— I didn't mean to go here, but as reading that, not to go here, but just, you know, not only to adopt 4 kids in your early age, but those that had deficiencies, man. So the sacrifices and the things that you had to do to endure that and to take on that responsibility when you really didn't have to, man, that speaks a lot of value about you and your family, man.

Well, it was the hardest thing that, uh, my wife and I ever did. I'll give you a few more details. So, uh, yeah, we adopted 4 kids, but 2 different times. Like, the first kids, siblings, Brandon and Leka, we adopted them about 17— well, it'd be more like, uh, 18, 19 years ago now, actually. And then a few years after that, we adopted twins, Matthew and Roxana. So yeah, that was 4. And yeah, I mean, any kid who is getting adopted at an older age it almost always means there's some sort of trauma, you know, that they've been taken from their birth family because the birth family isn't raising them well, you know, that's usually the situation. I mean, there are times where, let's say, a tragic accident happens and kids become orphans in that way. But certainly with our kids, they had experienced some awful, awful things, you know, that nobody should experience and certainly not little kids. So yeah, when we adopted Brandon and Leyka, Leyka was, I think, 9 and Brandon was 10. And then when we adopted the twins, I believe they were 8. Yeah, I mean, we all process trauma in different ways. And I think everybody experiences trauma one way or another. You know, you're driving down the street or highway and you see, you might come into see an awful accident or something like that. That can be traumatic. You see something on TV can be traumatic. Reading something in the news can be traumatic. So we all deal with trauma in different ways. And that certainly was true. Of our 4 kids, I'll give you an example with regard to the twins. So Matthew, when we adopted him, he was very meek, very compliant. You know, you ask him to do something and he would happily do it and almost like trying to move back into the wallpaper, you know, and not be seen. Roxana, on the other hand, oh boy, she, she dealt with it by turning it into anger and aggression and had huge tantrums. They're all okay, you know, by the way, I mean talking about this. And for her, yeah, for about a full year she had tantrums every day, like huge tantrums. Then after about a year, they started to go away. And I think what was happening is, one, you know, she was just dealing, letting out that trauma. And additionally, I think what she was doing was testing us, you know, because she had been in a situation before where, uh, another couple, a very nice couple. We actually met them before they tried to adopt Matthew and Roxana, and it just didn't work out. And so, you know, that meant that not only had they been taken from their birth parents, but they had also been taken from this couple who was supposed to adopt them. So yeah, I think Roxana just was testing us, you know, saying, is this— are we going to get sent away again, or are they going to stick with us? And after a year, I think she decided, yeah, they're going to stick with us. So, um, yeah, and then getting back to Matthew, like I said, he was very meek at the beginning. And then, I don't know, by the time he got to be about 14 or 15, you know, that's when his trauma kind of came to the surface. And it's good. It's good because you can't keep that bottled up because I think it's just not healthy. You know, psychologically not healthy. Trying to squish down trauma and stuff like that isn't physically healthy either. You know, contributes to all kinds of cardiac things and blood pressure issues and stuff like that. So anyways, that's what we did. And took about 17 years before they all got old enough and independent enough and got through the trauma. I mean, they all had learning issues, some just in the sense that, you know, they had been taken from so many homes and had been in so many different schools that, you know, it just wasn't possible for, for them to learn. Like Brandon. Um, I think by the time he was 10, he had been to, you know, he's in grade 4, I think he had been to 11 different schools by the time that he was 10 years old. So how could anybody possibly learn in that situation? He also has been diagnosed with autism, Asperger's syndrome. So like a lot of people with Asperger's, he has very, very significant talents in some areas. And interests. He knows a lot, a tremendous amount about music and anime, uh, and Russian history, things like that. He knows all about that. And at the same time, he's not really able to look after himself because, you know, if he was trying to make some spaghetti or something, you know, put the water on to boil and maybe forget about it and, you know, fire would start. So it's that kind of thing, that kind of executive functioning. Is something that he has a challenge with. And as I'm getting older, I'm finding that I'm experiencing the same thing, you know, that kind of forgetfulness. Yeah, so I forget what your original question was.

No, it wasn't the original question. I was just giving you and your wife a lot of kudos for what you guys, you know, accomplished. And I know that that was rough, like you say, 17 years, man. But, you know, God was on your side, gave you guys the strength and power to get through. Because as you were saying, uh, something I thought about as you were saying I think he was talking about the daughter, that, you know, they go through trauma, they go through these things, and after a while she said, okay, you know, maybe they are going to stay, man, because I guess it's a proven fact that you guys provided a loving home. And so sometimes, man, that's what these kids need in that type of situation, man. And you and your wife had a big enough heart, man, to love beyond, you know. So kudos to you, man.

We had a lot of support too, like my wife Melanie Her parents are in the same city that we're in. It's Kitchener-Waterloo, about an hour from Toronto. And, you know, they were great support when we needed a break or needed another perspective. Our church community as well. We are Mennonites. Do you know what Mennonites are? Are there Mennonites down in Indiana where you are? I know there are in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Mennonites are like Anabaptists. They're, I suppose, kind of similar to Quakers. In that sense. And there are Old Order Mennonites, and those are the ones that you see around here in Pennsylvania as well. They're the ones who drive buggies. They wear black, you know, they're very, very, very traditional.

Okay.

But there's other Mennonites who don't do that, but they still, like us, have the core values of pacifism, servanthood, you know, that we're here. We think everybody should be helping each other. I think I got that too from my parents because they adopted 3 kids and then they, over the course of about 40 years, they fostered probably close to another 70, you know, some just for a couple days when there was sort of an emergency, some for a year. So yeah, I saw that modeled to me. One of my sisters also adopted her kids. The 3 kids that my parents adopted are Indigenous people, like Native American. I mean, they had challenges too. I guess I'm kind of getting off track here, but they had challenges too because first we lived on a farm, grew up on a farm in Saskatchewan, and then we moved to a small city and they were the only Indigenous people there, you know. And, you know, there was racism of different kinds. And then more recently, I guess, I don't know how long ago this would have occurred, maybe 15 years ago, people started to talk about the Sixties Scoop. Like the 1960s scoop in Canada. And I don't know if it happened in the US where the government went in and took kids from their indigenous parents and put them out for adoption. In some cases, those indigenous parents, I mean, Canada has treated indigenous people badly, really badly. I mean, you go back in history and there were attempts to commit genocide, basically. There are stories of like the Hudson Bay Company, which was very important in Canada's very early history, the 1600s, sending, you know, giving blankets to Indigenous people that were infected with, I forget what kind of disease, like some sort of flu or something like that. And the Indigenous people didn't have any smallpox. That's what it was. The Indigenous people didn't have any sort of natural immunity to that. And so thousands of them were killed. So where was I going with this? Oh yeah. So it's no wonder that so many Indigenous people, so many Indigenous parents weren't the ability to, I don't know how to say this exactly, but the system had ground them down. And so of course it was difficult for them to raise children when they had that trauma. And it's generational trauma, of course, too, you know, their parents and their parents' parents and their, you you know, going way, way back, losing their language, things like that. So, you know, I guess all of that is to say that, yeah, my parents also adopted kids and fostered a lot of kids, and that's where I think I got that feeling that we should do that too. I asked my mom once, I said, why did you guys foster so many kids? And I was kind of astonished at her response because it was so simple and so beautiful. She said, because there was a need. You know, it's like, oh, I almost started to cry, you know, just saying that now. You know, it's so simple because there was a need. You know, if there's people who are in need, you help them. Yeah, that's what we should do.

Yeah. And say, I know the words say, if your brother is in need of a coat and you got the coat, yeah, why tell them to come back tomorrow for the coat when you can give them the coat today? Exactly. You know, and so I take that as what you said, you know, when you see a need, man. Oh, so, Mike, man, let me get a little bit into you, man, until into your personal space.

Sure.

Life before the pause. Take us back. What was your writing journey like before you and your wife started documenting?

Yeah, well, you know, I was always interested in language and writing, even going back to when I was a little kid. My mom said that I started reading really early, and she read to me all the time when I was a kid. So I was exposed to a lot of reading and a lot of stories. And as I got to be an older child, You know, I started to write stories and I think there was a couple of significant events that helped me stay on this career. One was that when I was in about grade 6, the equivalent of NPR, National Public Radio in Canada is CBC, right? Um, Canadian Broadcasting Company. It's a national radio institution. Our class had sent in stories because there was a program that sort of focused on young people. And we were listening to it in class one day and they read part of a story that I had sent into them. And I was like, wow, this is so amazing, you know, and that stuck with me. And then when I was about 15, still living on the farm in Saskatchewan, there was an author who I really, really liked. He's sort of a Canadian icon. He passed away some years ago. Farley Mowat was his name. He wrote about nature and things like that. He was a sort of a, not an anthropologist, he's very interested in wolves, for example. He lived with wolves for years and wrote a book called Never Cry Wolf about that, which was made into a movie. Anyway, so when I was 15, I knew that he lived in Port Hope, Ontario. I didn't have his address, but I had written a story, put it in an envelope, put Farley Mowat, Port Hope, Ontario, and, you know, sent it away. And yeah, about 2 weeks later, I got a letter back from him. He was so generous. He said, yeah. 'You've written a really, really good story, and if you want to be a writer, you work hard enough, you can be.' And I remember one phrase he said was, 'You might have to throw away a million words before you get there, but if you want to do it, you can get there.' So that was really important to me too. And then I went to university. I did a PhD eventually in English literature, in 16th century English literature. And then when I started teaching at the University of Winnipeg, I guess one thing that happened was that university happened to be right beside the CBC radio station. And I proposed to them, I went there and talked to a producer and I said, what would you think of me doing a little segment, a little 5-minute segment about word origins? Like CJ, the C stands for Corwin, doesn't it? Is that correct? And, uh, I think Does that mean crow? Do you know?

No, I don't know.

Because, you know, corvid means crow, and I wouldn't be surprised. We should look it up. And but I think it means crow or maybe raven, something like that, because that family of birds are called corvids. Anyways, I've always been interested in word origins. And so CBC Radio said sure. I started doing these weekly little 5-7 minute segments about word origins. And then after about a year or two, publisher reached out to me and said, hey, would you like to turn these into a book? And I said, sure. So needed a theme for the book. And we decided that food, everybody likes food. And so my first book was about the origins of food words. So things like, of course, now I can't think of anything. This is sort of a food word, like companion, right? Companion, somebody you like to hang out with. It actually comes from, the pan part comes from a Latin word that means bread. And the com part means with. So a companion literally is somebody that you have bread with. It's things like that. So that was my first nonfiction book. Then it was getting close to the end of the century, the end of the millennium. And I thought, I wonder how people at the end of previous centuries, what they wrote about the end of their century, you know, because Y2K was coming, right? And everybody was like freaking out about that. And so I wrote a book about how people celebrated or were afraid of what was going to happen when their century came to an end in 1899, 1799, 1699. And then not really before that, because before that, you know, people used the same calendar as us. But typically speaking, you wouldn't say you were born on October 4th, 1572. You'd say that you were born on the 14th year of the reign of Queen Elizabeth or something like that. Hmm.

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So that was my second book. My third book, let's see, was about origins of words, again words pertaining to love and sex. That was one book that I didn't give my mother a copy of.

Smart man. Yeah, yeah.

And then my last book before we adopted the kids. Actually, no, I was finishing it just as we adopted the kids. Was called Cooking with Shakespeare, and it was about food culture in 16th century England, like what they ate, how they cooked, what their manners were, things like that. So, you know, we had the kids, and because my wife is a writer as well, she's a poet, our writing careers just came to a screeching halt at that point. Yeah, like I said, we had to wait until they were grown up and independent and once that happened, I wanted to start writing again, but I didn't want to write nonfiction for a couple of reasons. One was, I mean, you're still a young man, so this hasn't happened to you yet, but you know, when you get to my age, your memory changes. And I don't have the same memory to keep so many facts in my head at the same time like I used to back when I was in my 20s and 30s. So writing a nonfiction book would just be more difficult, but also, you know, having read stories to the kids as they were growing up. I wanted to write something creative. I wanted to write some fiction. So that's why I decided to write a novel, and it's a young adult novel. My eldest son, Brandon, and I, one thing that we were really into were zombie movies and zombie series and things like that. And so that got us into dystopian kinds of stories and movies. And so, yeah, the book that I wrote, it's called The Headmasters, is a dystopian, post-apocalyptic young adult novel set in Northern Canada, Northern Ontario. And it's gotten really good reviews, and I've finished another novel. I'm trying to see if I can convince an agent to help me get it to a publisher, because I'd like to get to a bigger publisher. And I'm about halfway through a third novel. And it's feeling really good. I mean, one thing I will say is, you know, sometimes my wife and I will be talking and we'll, we'll be saying to each other, boy, you know, if we hadn't adopted these kids, we would have written a lot more books. But really, we both know, well, so what? You know, books ultimately are not important. You know, I'm proud of the stuff that I've done in terms of writing, but I'm prouder of the family that my wife and I and our kids built. You know, that's how I think about it. We built a family out of a lot of broken pieces. And the other thing too is that anybody raising kids, but I think especially raising kids that have some challenges, it brings out the worst in you at times and it brings out the best in you at times. And I don't think I would be, I don't know if I'm wise, you know, but I'm, I'm wise adjacent, let's say, you know, and without raising kids, I don't think I would be in the same way. Like I do feel like I've got a good sense of what life is. I don't know if I know why we're here, but I think I do know what we should do while we're here. And like I said, that's look after each other.

Mm-hmm. So let me ask you, man, you brought up a good point just a second ago. I was listening to you. Now, before you decided you wanted to go with my man that was publishing books and live with the wolves, man, you was really ready for that, Mark? What if he had told you to come out there and come and write with him, man? You was going to go out there and live with the wolves, man? That was a bold move, Mark. I'm telling you, man.

Yeah, I don't think I couldn't do something like that. Like, I like cities. Before we started recording, you mentioned Chicago and my wife and I have been to Chicago and just love it. It's a great city. And it's similar to Toronto in some ways, you know, it's also on the same lake. Is it not the same lake? Well, anyways, it's on one of the Great Lakes.

Lake Michigan.

Yes. Oh yeah. And we're on Lake Ontario. But Toronto has made a lot of mistakes with their city planning. Like, uh, it's right on. Lake Ontario, but it's almost impossible to get down to the lake because that's where they put all the freeways and the highways and stuff like that. And Chicago, you know, boy, you know, you go down to that Millennium Mile.

Yeah, the park. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's right on the water there and you can just walk along there and the beautiful old buildings. Oh, we loved it. And the Chicago Institute of Art, I think, is an amazing place. So, yeah, I certainly couldn't go up north and live up there for a couple of years, you know. And Farley Mowat, the guy I was talking about, the author I was talking about, I mean, he really had to rough it because he was there. He wasn't, I think every year a plane would come in and give him some supplies, but he had to make his own food. He had to get his own berries. One thing that he started to do was eat mice, you know, and it's kind of funny in his, in his book, Never Cry Wolf, he actually gives a recipe for making mice.

Wow. Man, yeah, he had it rough and he went through it. And yeah, you talking about Chicago, that's, you know, me and my wife, we're going down there tomorrow actually for her job. We're going to a formal, like a ball or something that they have like that. So this should be nice, man. So I get to go see those sceneries that you were just talking about. Yeah, yeah. So let me ask you a question, Mark, man. You know, you were speaking about something earlier and I said that was a good point. So what changed in you? How did parenting reshape you, not just as a writer, but as a person?

Yeah, it had a transformative impact. It made me humbler. It clarified for me what is really important in life. It made me realize, you know, our 4 kids made me realize that everybody sees things differently. Probably in the most extreme case, my son Brandon. The one with Asperger's syndrome. He sees the world very, very differently. I don't mean at all wrong, you know, he sees it differently and it's a totally valid way of seeing reality, seeing the world and seeing all of our kids interact with the world and find their own interests. That was really important to me too, because, you know, it just made me realize everybody sees things differently. We all have stories, you know, and if we can all exchange and share our stories with each other, That's how we understand each other. One of my favorite things I read was in a newspaper. I think it was in the New York Times some years ago, and it was about a guy down in Mississippi, I think. And he contacted this guy who was the leader of the KKK down there, right? You know, a huge racist. And he said, um, I'd like to meet with you. And the Klan guy said, okay, I'll meet with you. And the other guy was Black. So they had coffee together, and it turned out that one thing that they shared was an interest in music, in the blues. So they kept meeting, you know, talking about music and stuff like that over months and then years. And then eventually, this Klansman, you know, he came to one of their meetings and he had his, you know, those stupid robes they wear, had it in his arms. And he said, here, come with me and help me burn this. Because what they had done over those years and meetings was share stories with each other and come to understand each other. I mean, I truly believe that all the conflicts in the world are because we don't know the stories of other people. There's nobody evil in the world. I mean, I guess we can do evil things, but I guess I always think if I grew up, let's say, in the early 20th century in Germany, maybe I would be a Nazi. I mean, I don't know. You know, I'm not any better than anybody else. You know, we're products of our environment to a great extent. So yeah, I think that was an important thing too, just coming to realize that everybody has their own story, everybody sees things in their own valid way, and we have to respect that.

Yeah. You know, you made a good point when you were talking about your son. You made me think about one of Canada's own. You read a lot of books, I listen to music, and y'all got Drake in Canada.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big superstar. He made a song with Lil Weezy, and it says something to the point. He said, "We stay in the same building." but we have different views, you know. Like you said, that's life, you know. So that we can be in the same place but just see things totally different, whether wrong, right, or indifferent. I just see it the way that I see it, and you see it the way that you see it, you know. That's even with me and my wife at times, Mark. Um, I may see something another way, she see it another way. So before we get into a full-blown argument, our motto around the house is we just agree to disagree.

You know, you got to do that with some people.

Yeah, you got to do that, you know. Yeah, yeah, that's a must.

Very true. Yeah, I mean, sometimes, sometimes talking can make things worse, you know. Um, you know, so sometimes, yeah, you just have to say, okay, let's— we'll agree to disagree.

Exactly. Agree to disagree. Because that turns into sleeping on the couch nights and things like that, man. And, you know, we can't have that, Mike. We too old for that now.

Yeah, yeah. I was just going to say, you know, with Drake, you know, now he's this big music star, but so many Canadians know of him because he got his start on a TV series in Canada called Degrassi High. It was about, you know, he, when he was like 15, 16, he was in this series and very popular show here. That's how everybody got their introduction to Drake, whatever his real full name is.

Yeah, you know what, I don't even know Drake real full name. Now that you said, I couldn't tell you off the bat. So Let me ask you, Mark, man, I only got a few more questions for you, man, and I got a quick fire round. Okay, I'm gonna ask you 5 questions and then you give me the first thought that comes to your mind. But before that, man, let me ask you the message for listeners. What would you say to someone who feels like they've lost too much time or missed their window?

Yeah, I think I would say this, that everybody travels their own journey, and some people take longer to find their pathway. You know, a lot of people, you know, they, let's say they misspend, you know, their, their youth and it takes them a long time to get on, onto the right track. Once they get on that right track and they follow it, then whatever they end up doing, I think is important. It's not a waste of time. Again, going back to what I was saying earlier, you know, I believe we're on earth to help each other. And so if somebody can help another person, and they do. That's life. You know, that's why we are here. And it doesn't matter, you know, if that same person was writing a biology test and, you know, got 55 on it. It doesn't really matter. You know, it's how much can we help each other? And at the same time, when we need help, it's okay to reach out to others and ask for help, you know, because it's actually a great gift, I think, to ask somebody to help you. Because we all want to help. So yeah, that's what I would say. As long as you're going through life helping people once in a while, every day. One of my daughters, I forget which one, wrote something on a blackboard and we have it downstairs still. It says, if you can't help 1,000 people, help one. You know, just everybody reach out, do as much as you can. Because this life on earth, it's not easy. We got to help each other.

Yeah. You know, and that's a good motto to live by too, because I have another podcast called Planting Seeds with CJ. And so like you say, the motto is even if 100 people listen, I'm not going to get 100 people to follow me. Yeah, I'm gonna continue listening. But if I could just change the life or the mentality of one, yep, that's what you set out to do. You know, I know what scriptures say, Mark. Scriptures say that one got lost and 99 didn't. And he said he rejoiced over that one that was lost than the 99 that didn't stray away. Yeah. So sometimes in our profession and the things like what you writing books, you planting seeds. That's all we're doing, we're planting seeds. You know, we can't make anybody do what we're talking about. All we can do is plant a seed. Some plant, some water, but it's God who gives the increase, man. So we just have to continue doing what we doing. Hey, so keep doing your thing, Mark, man. Keep doing your thing, you and your wife. So Mark, let me ask you, man, besides the books that you got coming out, what's ahead for you, man, you know, in your writing and your family? And what's your social media handles, man? Where can we find you and find your books at?

Well, if people basically, if they just go to my website, they'll find my Facebook and stuff there. And my website is www.markmorton.ca. And it's .ca because I'm in Canada, so it's not .com. Mark Morton.ca. What's ahead? Well, last January 1st, the most recent January 1st, I went from full-time at the university where I work to 50% time because I wanted more time to write. And that's going really, really well. And then my plan at the end of this year on December 31st, which is also my birthday, is to fully retire. And I'll only be 62, but I think my wife and I will still get a full pension, but that's okay. And yeah, then I guess we'll see what will happen then. We also have 4 dogs and one of them just jumped down behind me. And our dogs are really important in our family too. We've always had dogs and they were so important for the kids when we adopted them because dogs' unconditional love and each of our kids could sort of adopt one of the dogs. And so we owe dogs a lot of gratitude, you know, for what they've given to our family.

That's a good one right there. I knew dogs was part of the family, but I've never heard nobody give the praises to the dog as you just did, Mark. Hey, that's cool, man. Hey, be sure to send me your links and everything for your website so I can put it in the show notes so people can go out there and go grab your new novel, man, and all the new things and upcoming things that you got coming on, man. Uh, so Mark, yeah, real quick, man, you ready?

Yep, all set.

Quick fire round. Okay, first thing to come to your mind, one or two answers. One word to describe fatherhood.

To describe fatherhood? Patience.

Patience.

Patience.

Yeah. Favorite time of the day to write?

Early morning when the sun is still coming up.

Okay. One book that changed your life besides The Man Who Was Living with the Wolves?

Well, I would say Moby Dick by the great American author Herman Melville. It's an astonishing book. It's perhaps the greatest American novel ever written, I think.

Yeah, Moby Dick been out a long time, man. Yeah, that was a long time ago.

There's a good movie version of it too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody know Moby Dick. That was a long time ago. Uh, because of course, back in the day, we thinking of it in the, you know, not so pleasant way because of our young minds, but that was a— that's been out a long time. So look, one more, man. Let me cut them up.

Sure.

What's the one piece of advice you would give to your past self?

To my past self? Oh geez, stop trying to figure things out and just be.

Stop trying to figure it out and just be because it's already worked out. All you have to do is just keep on moving. What's one goal you haven't achieved yet?

Hmm, I've studied Arabic and I've got a pretty good vocabulary in Arabic, but I'm not good enough that I can easily put sentences together. So I would love to completely become fluent in Arabic.

Mark, I see you doing that, man, in 2 years once you retire. I can see you learning Arabic because my man said that— I can't think of the word, but I think started with a P. It said it means companion, and he said we break bread with our companions. Hey, I like that. Mark, your story is a reminder that purpose can be paused but never erased. Thank you for your vulnerability, your strength, and your voice, man, on the things that you shared with us today. To all the dreamers out there who had to hit pause, your time is still coming. You keep planting seeds. Hey, this your boy CJ Moneyway. Hey, with my man Mark Morgan, we out of here. Thank you.

You've been listening to the CJ Moneyway Show, with real stories, real lessons, yeah, and real perspective come together. Remember, move with patience, move with purpose. That is the mindset of a Panther. Until next time, keep building your legacy brick by Music style.

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