“Parenting, Purpose and Presence: Olaolu Ogunyemi on Leadership, Family, and Connection”

The CJ Moneyway Show.

Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show, where faith, focus, and leadership collide. Today's guest is a builder of men and a protector of legacy. He's a United States Marine officer, award-winning author, leadership mentor, and the founder of Parent-Child Connect. He grew up in a loving but imperfect home, navigating the same pressures many young Black men face. Self-doubt, expectation, and the pull of the streets. Instead of becoming a statistic, he chose discipline. Instead of following noise, he answered the call to lead. As a father of 3, a Marine, and an author, Crow from the Shadow and the Upcoming Landlords. Olalu's mission is clear. Build the next generation of purposeful, resilient leaders. Starting at home. Start at home. Olá, alô, logunha, mi. Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show. What's up, my good people? Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show, where faith, focus, and leadership collide. Today's guest is a Marine officer, award-winning author, leadership mentor, and the founder of Parent-Child Connect. My man Lou, because I can't pronounce his whole name, so he said I can call him Lou, we all good, grew up in a loving but imperfect home, navigating the same challenges many young Black men face today, from self-doubt to the pressure of the streets. Instead of becoming a statistic, he became a leader. As a father of 3, a US Marine, and the author of Grow From the Shadow and the upcoming Lead Last, Lou has made it his mission to build the next generation of purposeful, resilient leaders starting at home. Hey, welcome to the show today, my man Lou. What's up, Lou?

Hey, nothing but CJ. I definitely appreciate this opportunity. I'm excited to be here.

Oh man, thank you for coming on, man. A man like yourself, many prestigious, you know what I'm saying, awards out there, you know, serving the country and everything, man. You know, we ain't gonna get into that, but I know that's probably kind of hard right now, man. But you know, I'm not a soldier, never been there, never wanted to go there. You know how some people got a wish list? Two things I never wanted to do, I'm gonna be honest with you, oh, never wanted to go to jail and I never wanted to go to the circus.

Man, you can't put those two things in the same category.

Hey Lou, I've been honest with you from the jump since we started in the green room, man. Those are two things that I never wanted to do, I'm straight up. And whether I could put them in the same box or not, They in there.

No, I definitely understand. We gotta respect that, man. It's not for everybody. We, uh, especially not the Marine Corps. It's a special breed of people that join the Marine Corps. And so yeah, I definitely, definitely wouldn't, uh, wouldn't wish that on everybody.

Yeah, man, you know, you talk about sending me to some front line, what? I'm finna go AWOL. They finna, uh, court-martial me, man, you know. Hey, nah, that ain't finna happen. Not the kid. Uh, so Let me ask you, oh man, the turning point, man. What moment in your life made you realize you were called to lead differently? Not just for yourself, but for the next generation.

Yeah, so the moment for me is probably like a string of moments. And I will say it's 'cause my dad and both my parents, but my dad especially, just never gave up on me. In some respects, he probably could have, should have, 'cause he was one of those that always just trying to coach me through things. And man, I was just hardheaded, you know what I mean? And that's just who I was, right? And so I will say really the turning point for me is just noticing that that man never gave up. And as a father myself, I could see how challenging it can get, you know, with life going on with work and, and all these other things, these other pressures of life. I could see how challenging it gets. It was just good to see that him in our area. Yeah, he never gave up and he stayed there with us.

Yeah, you know, I feel you on that, man, growing up in a two-parent household myself. You hear the things that your father say, but then as they say, I was like you, go in the one ear and out the other. But then when you get older, you know, like I tell my son, my oldest boy, he 29, he got a baby now. And like I've always told him, even from the beginning, I say, man, you gonna catch yourself telling your son the same things that my father was telling me. We may not know that we catching it at the time, but it's there, you know what I'm saying? Because our jobs as fathers, man, is to plant seeds, man, so they can keep growing into they seeds, man, and keep it growing, growing, growing like you doing, what you doing, man, next generation. So let me ask you, oh man, growing up Black in America, you said that you had every opportunity to become a statistic. What protected you and where did the leadership spark begin as you were talking about with your father?

Yeah, so I would say that for me it was just trying to fit in. Now there's a lot of guys out there, a lot of my friends growing up, they were just doing things, you know, they were being raised by the streets. That's why I always tell people I was fortunate in that regard, in that I had a father at home guiding me. God bless them, their mothers are working, you know, 3, 4 jobs trying to keep the lights on. But in many cases, their fathers just weren't involved. And so for me, I was sort of trying to follow them, trying to fit in with that crowd just because that's the environment we were growing up in. And I would say that the only way I was able to get out of it is I had to change what I was identifying as and where I set my identity. And that came around probably like junior high, high school. Is when I started getting into sports really heavily. So I played, you know, as a young child, but I didn't really start getting into it until probably about 7th grade. And once I started getting into sports, I realized that, you know, there's other things in life, you know, there's other ways of getting around and moving and understanding the world around you than trying to fit in with the wrong crowd and just doing some crazy stuff. But I had to say that between my father and my mother and really the entire community, because there's times, as you know, my parents say things, But it just didn't resonate until somebody else outside the house. So maybe it's a coach that says it or a teacher that says the same thing. And so really it was the entire community's effort to help me find my identity when I was sort of just trying to find myself, whether it be hanging out with the wrong crowd or otherwise. So I would say that's really what taught me that you got to lead differently. And then once you became— I started sports, coaches put you in that position, man. And that's why I appreciate coaches for my entire life. Coaches will put you in that leadership position, call you a captain. And they tell you the team is watching, right? They'll tell you that if you're sitting in the back of the classroom, your team's going to be sitting back there. Or they'll tell you, man, if you walk past a piece of paper in the hallway, your team's going to do the same thing, right? And it's just taking pride and ownership and knowing that, man, if we win or lose, we can't blame the coach, right? Because coach ain't on the field or he's not on the court. It's all us, man. And that's really what I started learning. So being put in positions and almost like trial by fire and knowing that some of those classmates, lowerclassmen are looking up to you and they're trying to be just like you. They want to be, you know, leading the team one day. You got to show them the example. I believe that coaches having the ability and willingness to put that kind of leadership onus on you really helped me develop as a young man.

You know, you said a couple things that I can actually relate to, and one of them is the leadership thing when you're young. I was talking to somebody not too long ago about this because that's something that came to me one day when I was thinking. At the time when you're young and you're developing, you know, we out there on the playground and we playing. You playing for your high school team, your junior high school team, elementary team, you know what I'm saying? Like you say, we become a captain. And so at an early age, you were learning these leadership qualities, these leadership abilities, but at the time wasn't putting them all together, you know what I'm saying? When putting two together, what type of person, what type of man, what type of fighter that God had created you to be, you know? And then they get to a point in your life where, you know, you start realizing, you like Wait a minute, I had— God been molding me to be a leader my whole life. I just didn't have the, you know, saying the know-how or the discipline, you know, saying that he wanted to instill in me. Just like a fighter, you know, you fighting your whole life, you know, growing up fighting. And you know, you know, man, we come back from, from the day, man, where you used to go to a different neighborhood and play. By the time you left off that court, you might have to knuckle up. I mean, it just— it was what it was, you know what I'm saying? That just how we grew up. And so, but not knowing that God had put the fighter in you, because when you got older and learned the principle, the spiritual principles, that they say that we don't fight against flesh and blood but against principalities of wickedness in higher places, not knowing that you were going to have to fight a different type of fight, but he put that fighter spirit in you, man. So yeah, man, so I totally agree with you about the leadership thing, man, and I got a 15-year-old son and you said something, sometimes they may not listen to you, but they'll listen to somebody else on the outside. And I did the same thing with my parents. Like we said, fuck, go in one ear and out the other. I don't know what he talking about. They, you know, they, they old time, and you know what I'm saying, they, they out of touch. But not knowing they knew the whole time, you know what I'm saying. They— God showed them the vision the whole time, the route. 'If you keep going this way, this is what's gonna happen.' 'Ah, whatever, I'm hanging out with my boys.' And that's what actually ended my basketball career, hanging out with— trying to keep it up with my fellas, keeping up with my guys, whatever, whatever, being that dude, whatever, whatever. And got into some stuff, basketball career, 11th grade, over with, you know what I'm saying? But God got his own purpose, man. So let me ask you, man, leadership begins at home, as we were talking about, with our parents. Train up a child in the way that they should go. When they get old, they won't depart from it. Seem like that has done you well, my man. So what does real leadership look like inside the home, especially for parents trying to raise strong, grounded kids today?

Yeah, so the biggest thing I tell people is consistency, consistency, consistency. That's the key to being a strong leader in the home. Because if you are sort of inconsistent in the way that you lead, or if you're just trying to figure things out, which I think a lot of us are, a lot of times we tend to sort of be all over the place, right? And it's hard for the children to understand how to learn about the world in context if we're sort of jumping around and just trying to figure out our own thing. So the first thing is to be consistent in your messaging. As we already said multiple times now, you never know what's actually settling in that child's mind. And you also never know who's saying what because there's many influences around them. I think one of the challenges that we're dealing with is that we didn't have to deal with so much information right at our fingertips constantly coming our way. We sort of grew up in our own areas. In some ways, we were sort of isolated. Some of us grew up in a little bit of a bubble. But in reality, there's a lot of influence that our children have just because they have technology right at their fingertips. And so we have to realize that When we're saying something, it may seem repetitive and at times it may get annoying or whatever you may think, but that consistency in the way that you lead and the way that you talk to your children is key. And the second thing I would say is connection. So the way we have to start viewing things instead of viewing it the way that we may have grown up. So we grew up in a time to where you do wrong, you get punished for it, right? And that's just how it is, right? You have to know there's consequence to your action. And I believe that there's some health in that, but there's also the idea of understanding that you've got to maintain that connection with your child. And that's one of the biggest lessons in leadership that I learned is it's all about establishing and maintaining connection with that child. That don't mean be soft. I think that's where sometimes we start talking connection. We talk about empathy and emotional intelligence and all these things. It seems like I'm talking about becoming softer, kinder, gentler generation, as I tell people, tell them before. But in reality, what I'm saying is you just have to learn how to persuade or influence that child without maybe sending them away and disconnecting from them because they will— there's so much more influence now. I mean, we were influenced as children, as we both just said that, but there's even more influence today that they can have that same bad influence that we had, that we at least have to go down the street to get. They have it right in their bedrooms, in their libraries, in their school rooms. They can get it at a drop of a dime. So we just have to recognize that. And then that disconnect, there can be somebody coming in there to influence them if you're not paying attention. So those are really the biggest things: consistency in our messaging and the way that we show ourselves and demonstrate our example. And then connection, making sure that we're spending time with our children and getting to know them on a human level and leading them through life.

With you saying that, again, I was talking to somebody not too long ago, and I was talking to a friend at work. I say, nowadays, you know, I've had plenty practice with this because I got kids on the outside, you know, but I got my youngest boy, he 15. And I say, sometimes I do things on purpose, you know, with his mother, just to show him different type of stuff. It's the— I call it the Mr. Miyagi effect, you know what I'm saying? You showing them stuff but they don't know what you showing them, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to show you things, how to treat a lady, you know what I'm saying? Then a lot of times too, I'm gonna be real with you, oh, sometimes when his mother say something or whatever, whatever, I say something back to let them know too. Compromise, but don't get pushed over, you know what I'm saying? You compromise, but don't get pushed over. Stand on your tiptoes, cause a lot of brothers nowadays getting pushed over, you know. You said something earlier to the fact, because in this generation they built differently, you know what I'm saying? Like you say, they can go into a cocoon, a bubble, you know what I'm saying? The disconnect, been through that. So one day I just say this, one day I found out with my little boy, because we both into sports, you know, so we talk about sports and this and that. And so we got our little, you know, we got our little own thing, we clap hands, you know, slap hands, whatever, get that. And then so I started giving them a hug, you know, I started giving them a hug with it, whatever. Because like you say, you know, I knew my father loved me, but it was a different type of, you know what I'm saying, they had different type of ways and effects to show you that they love you. It wasn't, you know, I'm gonna give you a hug today, son, you 15 years old, I'm gonna give you a hug today, kiss you you know, say, give you a kiss on the forehead or something. Nah, it wasn't none of that. So I did that, right? I started doing that. So it started becoming routine, right? And so this is what got me to let me know that he really embraced that. He had a basketball game, okay? So after the basketball game or whatever, dapped him up. And I'm thinking, because he in front of his friends, we in the crowd, he ain't coming in for the hug. And so I just dapped him up. But then he came in for the hug, and it made me realize, like, you know what, This is what he want. This is what, you know what I'm saying, he desires. And so I have to get that to him. So as me, like you were saying, we have to identify how we can get into that role to have a connection with our kids, because we think differently, you know what I'm saying? I'm grown, I don't think like a kid, you know what I'm saying? I mean, that's just bottom line. I don't think like a kid, but I do have to know how to connect with you. He watching YouTube, I sit in there watching because I want to know what you watching, you know what I'm saying? I want to know, like you said, I want to know who influenced I know, man, this is your time. I know, you know, I like to connect, man.

No, man, what you just said is key there. And you'll be surprised, CJ, how many parents I talk to that have no idea what their children are watching and listening to and reading and all that kind of stuff. And that's why we can hinge on that for a second, because the problem with not knowing what's influencing them, or even worse, pretending that nothing else is influencing them other than you, is that you're just living in a little bit of a fantasy land, right? These children are truly like being told things through these books, these movies, through these YouTube videos, all these things, they're being told things that may or may not be true. And if we allow them to just go through and be influenced by life in general, you'll find out that there's things that start developing. And when I say things, I mean character traits that are starting to develop inside of them that you may not even recognize. And if you don't recognize it, that means there's probably some kind of influence there. It's not some mythical thing. I think I was talking to somebody one day and it almost seemed like they were just chalking it up to Yeah, there's some out there. You know, it's just the, it's just the society, man. It's just this. I'm like, well, what do your children read? Well, you know, I don't know. They're teenagers now. Don't worry about it. Okay, what do they watch? Yeah, and I just let them do that. Well, you got to be engaged. You got to get into their space. I always tell people, get in their space and understand like what they're doing. Sometimes I think people, their parents think that that's just an invasion of privacy and all this other stuff. Listen, that is your role as a parent, right? Your role in connecting with them as an adult and as a parent to get into their space. And in most cases, the house that you pay the bills for, right? So those are the things that you have to recognize in order for you to know them and truly get to understand how they perceive the world. You got to get into their space and listen to and understand what's influencing them. That's a perfect point, CJ.

I mean, straight up, like when I grew up, I couldn't close the door, Lou. I couldn't close the door. My door had to stay open. Now my brother, on the other hand, who's 6 and a half years younger than me, by the time he came up, Parent don't come with a manuscript. You learn as you go, you know what I'm saying? And your parents couldn't treat you like they parents treated them. Things are different, you know what I'm saying? Situations, DNAs are different, you know what I'm saying? You not your mama, daddy not his daddy. Y'all got y'all own, you know what I'm saying, thing. So they gonna treat you different. Although we try to— oh, well, my mom and daddy been married for 30 years. That don't mean that you gonna be married for 30 years. Your mama ain't him, and you ain't your mama, you know what I'm saying? Things are different. And so I'm just being straight up. And so, but I say that to say, like, my little boy, he closed his door, you know. We don't trip on that. He closed up sometimes, you know. He know he in there, he'd be so, so quiet or whatever, but he on the phone playing with his— playing a game with his friends or whatever, you know. They all gotta be on the phone together. That's something new. But I walk in on them, like you say, I'm gonna invade your space. I walk in on them. I ain't gotta knock on no doors, no, for the house that that me and your mama pay for, you know what I'm saying? I just walk in on at any time, you know what I'm saying? Anytime, just see what he doing. And I sit there and watch him play the game, you know, he playing football, the best. I sit there and watch it for a minute. Like, I used to play with him, but you know, we'd be so busy now. I got my own thing going on, I ain't got time to play PlayStation all day. We grew up on that, and you can lose— you can, you can lose yourself in it, you know what I'm saying? You can lose yourself in it. But I say this too, oh to that parent that you were talking about, or to the parents that you were talking about. How is it that we don't think that our kids can get influenced by certain things out there when spouses can be influenced by things that's out there? I've heard so many times, and I— and, you know, doing a compromise, I compromise with my wife on date night, so I start watching the reality shows with her, you know what I'm saying? Uh, Housewives of Atlanta and Miami Hip Hop, you know, something like that. And man, If you don't know where this is coming from, your old lady start acting a fool and start talking crazy and this and that, whatever, whatever, that's exactly where it can come from. So if your wife or your husband can be influenced by TV and the things that's going on and things that they said, how can you think that your kids who are a sponge cannot be influenced? So that's one to grow on. Everybody take that for what it is. So speaking about parenting, let me ask you this, uh, Luke. Parent-Child Connect. What inspired Parent-Child Connect, and what do you want families to walk away with when they use your tools?

Yeah, so you already started hitting on it because no child comes with a manual. So I graduated from college, and I always tell people this, it's a very transparent part of my story. I was married, uh, with a 3-year-old when I graduated from college at the age of 22. And so, man, I was completely lost when it came to parenting. I didn't know much about it. I knew what my parents did, but I also knew that, you know, here I am with a girl and I had no idea. I thought I was going to have all boys, quite honestly, because my dad had 4 boys and 2 older girls, but 4 boys lined up. So I'm like, all right, boys just run in our family, right? And then God blessed me with 2. So that just shows you 2 girls and 1 boy in between. But yeah, the way I looked at it is like, man, I need to find a way to connect with her. I started off, you know, just trying to be a present dad. And that was my thing. I was like, I'm going to be there. So I was a dad that's in Chuck E. Cheese, you know, in the ball, getting stuck in the ball pit and stuff like that. I injured my back trying to do a back bridge, walking down a tree. It was pretty bad, but it was hilarious at the same time. But I was just, that was just my thing. I wanted to be present and involved in her life as much as possible. But then I also realized that there's number one, the need to find the shared resources as we started talking about. Number two, I had two other children now that I had to learn to connect with. So I started writing a book and in this book, it was just going to be an idea for me and my kids to sit down with. It was just supposed to be something that we're going to enjoy together. Our way of connecting. And then I had this idea. I was like, man, there's other dads out there, especially young dads from my area who need those same resources that I have, that I was talking about. And so I decided to write a book, publish a book using Amazon Kindle Direct Program, and then it just started ballooning from there. So I decided to publish two more as a part of the Parent-Child Connect series. And really Parent-Child Connect is all about providing resources for parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers to sit down with children and establish that connection with them. And that's really what it's all about. So the resources include children's books. They include all kinds of downloadable resources. They even include my content partnership with the YouVersion Bible app, where I create Bible plans. And so all these things are developed to help parents and adults in general really raise the next generation of impactful leaders. And it starts with what we've already talked about, it's that connection between the adult and the child and finding ways to influence them. And that's the key point that you made earlier as well, is that influence is not overt. We like to think of influence as somebody jumping on there and telling us, hey, this is the way to think. But in most cases, whether it be the shows or whether it be like Parent-Child Connect or anything, we're not telling you exactly what to do and how to do it. We're just giving you an example of ways that you can sit down and create these moments with your child. And that's really what it's all about, is creating those teachable and memorable experiences It's reading to them stories, and sometimes the stories may go in the direction of a serious conversation, and sometimes it may just be you just having a good time with your child. In all cases, we just want to sit down and have those moments so that when the hard times hit, you already have some form of relationship that you built over time with that child. And that's really what it's all about. Mm-hmm.

I like that, man. Man, we got a lot of things. I had my first child when I was 22, 1996, September 25th, 1996, my oldest boy. The one thing I learned, Lou, man, is this, you know, through my experience having kids and just life in general, is that sometimes you can be present but not present, you know what I'm saying? Like, every situation is different. And so people have to understand that as parents too, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I'm a parent and I got a child but I'm not living in that household, I can be present but not be present. So those are things that, you know, that falls on us, whatever the type of situation is. And so I'm listening to you say about parent connect. So a lot of times to connect with your child, you gotta know who you are. You gotta know what you bring to the table. You know what I'm saying? Like, I found something I always said, man, if I can just put my— because I wrote a book in 2015. So I was doing a campaign, you know what I'm saying, for the book, you know, doing some stuff, whatever, whatever. So I had always thought, oh, I knew, I was like, man, if I could put words over a beat, you know what I'm saying? Like just words over beat as we was talking about Master P, you know, saying some of the legends from Louisiana.

Shout out to Hot Boy.

He said, uh, no limit soldiers. Hey, so, and my man, I can't forget my— I can't forget my man Mystikal. Hey, so, um, I found something. I'm like, man, you know, so I stopped trying. I'm working on that now, a little project, and it's talking about my life, you know what I'm saying? Moneyway Johnson over beats, you know what I'm saying? Like, because we go through so many challenges, and one of them you made me think about when you said something is that I was going through my own thing. You know what I'm saying? I was running around trying to find my life as a young parent, you know what I'm saying? I'm still trying to figure out stuff, 22 years old. I'm still wanting to hit the club. I'm still wanting to do this. Yeah, I see you here, little man, you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, drop them off over here. But I'm still trying to find my foot. And so I said that to say, a lot of times in order to connect with your kids and in order to be the true influence that you should be, that you supposed to be, first you have to know who you are. Because if you don't know what type of leader you are, who are you leading? That's just like a husband with a wife. If you ain't got no direction, homeboy, why is she following you? Yeah, I know people gonna get mad at me, but it is what it is, man. Crow from the shadows, bro. Because I can get to going, man. No, I love it.

I'm telling you, I do. Because you're right now, you're preaching, man. Because you're— when you say You're talking about getting to know yourself. Yeah, I know you said grow from the shadow, but what you reminded me of is all the insecurities that we have growing up that we try to lead through. And one of the problems with that is that all those insecurities, especially when we take on a leadership position like parenting, it tends to overshadow our ability to even parent correctly. Because a lot of times we start trying to parent through all the mistakes that we made or all the things that we never dealt with. And the biggest thing that you're getting at when you're talking about getting to know yourself is you have to identify the root cause for a lot of those symptoms. So if you're acting out or you're feeling depressed and all these other things that tend to take away from our ability to be present, you need to identify what the root cause is. And a lot of times we just don't do that. A lot of times when I talk about insecurities, especially as men, we start getting a little, you know, we start feeling ourselves because we start saying, well, you know, that's not something I want to talk about. There's so many fathers out there that I've talked to, they're like, yeah, I don't want to talk about vulnerabilities. I don't want to talk about insecurities. And really, it's because we're so insecure many times in ourselves that we don't even want to try to start working through that. And the problem that we run into is that by not being vulnerable, we're not being authentic. And without being authentic, that goes right back to where we started about that consistency. So because we're not authentic, we can't be consistent, and our children can see right through that. And so they're seeing this human being who's saying one thing out of one side of their mouth and then out of the other they're living something completely different because you're reacting out of things that you just haven't dealt with. So that's really the first thing. It's really good to know yourself and understanding what are those insecurities that you never grew through, whether it be feeling like you're rejected, or maybe you're just one of those kids that, like I told you, I was getting picked on and stuff like that. My name is Olalu Ogunyemi. I grew up in Ruston, Louisiana, right? So of course I didn't fit in immediately. And so what do you have to do to fit in, you know? And those are the things that you have to think about. What in the What were you doing? And what did that create inside of you that you need to deal with that perhaps you didn't deal with until you got to be an adult? And so as a young father, young mother, those are the kind of things that I recommend, really any age, but I definitely recommend you start looking into it when you're young and say, you know, there's always something that I can learn about myself, and I have to learn those things before I can even try to help guide somebody else through their own insecurities.

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That's where the next level starts. And that's what we leveling up together. Now let's get back to the show. I like that, man, because like you say, kids can see through it and things become a trickle-down effect. Just like the things that you're doing right now. I know the words say that if you follow the Lord and if I follow, that he would, you know what I'm saying, for the third to the fourth generation. I know it's in Deuteronomy, you know what I'm saying? He'll bless you and your to the third to fourth generation. So it's all about what you putting out there in the atmosphere too. If I only got the streets, bro, if I only got the streets, if I only know about the bad things that I've done and, and seen— the drugs, you know, saying, the drinking, the smoking, and all this— and all I know is basketball or football and this and that, if I don't have that solid foundation then what am I teaching my children? What am I teaching them? Like you said, am I teaching them the same stuff that I grew up and saw, just like on Minister Society, you know what I'm saying? You know, because that's what he saw. He saw his daddy selling cocaine and, you know, saying mama on drugs and this and that. And so it became a reflection of him. And so if you want your children to have a different type of reflection, you have to bring a different type of present and reflection into the house. Yeah, if you want your son to see a man, then he has to see a man, not somebody that's bringing chaos to the house all the time. I mean, these are Mr. Miyagi situations, bro. This is the stuff that you have to lead by example because they watch, especially a boy watching his father. He's watching. I watch mine and I still have characteristics. Baby showers— I'm not doing no baby showers. Why? Because I didn't see my daddy do no baby shower. And when the man start doing baby shower, I know that's another situation. I know they got co-ed stuff now, but the It ain't going, I'm standing on that. They said, oh yeah, that's just me, man. Yeah, I feel you.

And you know what's funny is that as you were talking about that, you remind me of a conversation I used to read an article years ago. It's a conversation about generational curses, because a lot of times we think about that, uh, especially as we grow up in the church and we understand Christianity. And some of us really don't understand that karma came from Judaism, not really Christianity. But we start talking about generational curses, but in many cases we don't think about what that truly means and what our role is in breaking those generational curses. Yes, you should pray, but there's other things that you need to do. And let's take action, right? You need to do something to break what that curse is, because that curse in many cases isn't something that's mythical. It's something that you're doing. You're repeating the same thing that you saw without trying to do anything different.

Separately.

And a lot of us, we saw these things that we grew up around and then we just repeated it, right? And so the way I get— I always think about generational curses, I think about their effects of sin. There's effects of things that happen in our life that linger. But as far as this mythical thing that happens that just because my dad did this, then I have to do that, I don't agree with that. I believe that we have the ability to truly take ownership of our lives and we could change whatever generational thing is going on, whatever we learned as children, whatever example was set for us. At some point, We have to face that and say, okay, I'm a grown man, right? Just like you're talking about not going to baby showers. I got to make that decision, right, for myself. If my dad decided he wasn't going to do something, I need to make that decision for myself to say either I'm going to do it, I'm not going to do it. And that's really how we have to start looking at life in general. We have to stop this, this thing where we just almost like, well, you know, my daddy did it, my daddy's daddy had that problem, and so on and so forth. No, no, no, no, it's your turn now to take ownership of your your future generations for years to come and commit to doing what you believe is the right way. So no more blaming past generations for all of our things. In fact, we should take the strength of the past generations, whether it be all the way back from slavery and all the resilience and all the positive things they gave us, take those and build upon them. That's what we want to do. We want to take the positive things, say, I'm resilient because, you know, my great-great was a slave and they made it through and they did all these things. But then we also want to take all the negatives and say, well, since my dad was a drunk, I had to be a drunk. And those are things that we have to start thinking about, that there are some things that are medical diagnosis and maybe came from genetics, but a lot of things that we cause are most likely things that we have control over.

You said something, man, and I will move on after this because this is a conversation that could be, you know what I'm saying, like, this is a conversation in itself. It's a podcast in itself. You was talking about generations, you know, and you made me think because breaking the generational curses. Because see, like, I got a 15-year-old, you know, we talked about, I got 15, I got 29-year-old, you know, and some in between. And I could raise them to a certain extent, you know what I'm saying, to a certain point. But then the date, once they have kids, you know what I'm saying, then they raising their kids. Because in the generational line, you know, we'll look at Joseph. Joseph was the 11th son that was born from Jacob. It was 10 sons before him, but it was Joseph who was going to be the one to go to Egypt and be the king. So you don't know which one of your kids or who your grandkids, your grandkids— it's generations that you say go back to slavery, it's generations that we may not even see that God has already ordained to bless or to move in this direction, in that direction. And so if I can't see it, what is my job right now as the man who can see, then I have to lay the foundation for my children so they can lay a foundation for their children and their children's children. So it starts with us, man. It starts with us right now, today. If you're listening to this, start right now, today. Lord, open my eyes to see where I should be right now in my life. Hey, so, Pro From the Shadows, bro. I love it, man. I, I love talking to real brothers, man.

Yes, sir. Absolutely.

Same, brother.

Same. That's why you got to keep us on track, man. You're right, that is a great conversation.

Hey, we gonna do this again, man. I'm having a summit this summer, and so I'll be appreciative, man, if you would come on this summit, man, and join the summit this summer. I want to have like 7, 8 brothers, man, and we just chop it off. Not about your titles, not about your books and this, and there may be things that led up to where you, you know, saying they got you to this point or whatever, but just about life, man, you know what I'm saying? So we can help other brothers, man, and, you know, just, just talk, man. So that's something I want to do, man. So I'd love to have you back on. Oh man, I'll reach back out to you at that time, okay?

For sure.

Yes, sir. Crow from the Shadows, man, I gotta know about this, man. I, I really do, because this is an award-winning children's book. So what personal struggle or shadow inspired you to write this award-winning book?

Yeah, so it started off what we already started talking about. It's, you know, I have my name in Louisiana, Ruston, Louisiana, didn't necessarily fit in. I had a gap in my mouth. I was overweight as a kid. I had all these things that I felt like were working against me. And quite honestly, I had all these positive influences. And so I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what was the right thing to do. But I also had this thing that I called a shadow. And the reason I call it a shadow— and I didn't define what the shadow is. The book's called Crow from the Shadow, but I never defined what it truly was because I tell people it's either a person, place, or thing that sort of tells you that you cannot be or you cannot do or tell you you're not good enough. So it's really this thing that follows you around everywhere you go and it dissuades you from achieving what you know you were put on this earth to achieve. And I remember feeling that as a young child. Whether for me, as I'm learning from a lot of students that are reading this, for me, it was just, you know, hey, you shouldn't be— why are you trying to be so smart, man? Why don't you just sort of, you know, people make fun of you for making straight A's, for example, as crazy as that sounds. And I know a lot of people can relate, but I'll make straight A's and people are like, hey, man, you think you're so smart, you'd be a teacher's pet. And so I'll put my hand down. I won't answer the questions. And there was always something that told me that I didn't need to do or didn't need to be who I was. And so that's what the shadow was for me. And so I wrote that from a personal place, really not just for an adult version of Alalu, but really for people around the world, children around the world, so that way they understand that that inner critic or that inner voice that they hear is a real thing and it can stop you if you allow it to stop you. And that's really what Crow from the Shadow is all about. It's using a crow, and I know crow is not a likely hero. I did that intentionally. Number one, a crow is one misunderstood animal. It's actually very intelligent., but nobody takes the time to get to know it. And so that means that there's a lot of people that are going to judge, misjudge a crow just because they say it's loud or it's picking through trash and all those kinds of things. So as soon as they see a crow, they're sort of disgusted by it. And I believe that a lot of us can relate to that of being misjudged and people looking at you and not caring about your personality or your character. They just don't like you. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. Then the second thing is when I tell people, and I read this book to children, I remind them that every time they see a crow, because in the end, and that's what my shirt says, I determine my own future. In the end, the crow says, only one can determine my future. That one is me. And so what it is, is reminding people that you have ownership and you can take ownership of your life and you can take ownership of the actions that you take. And it's nobody else's job to take care of your own life. It's yours. And so that's what Crow from the Shadows is all about. And I tell people every time they see a crow, remember that I determine my own future. I can make my own decisions. And these are the things that I'm teaching children every time I have the opportunity to get into a classroom and engage with them. But it all started from a very personal place for me. It's learning how to overcome my own shadow and overcome the self-doubt and the inner critic and all these things that were slowing me down, even as an adult, from achieving or pursuing the things that I wanted to pursue. But now, I mean, that's how I end up an active duty Marine. And I started off in corporate America. I graduated from Grambling State with a degree in computer information systems. And there were folks that told me I shouldn't go to Grambling State There were folks that told me I shouldn't join the Marine Corps, and I did that anyway. And so once I kept practicing that, it's like, okay, well, I want to do this, and I believe this is a good path for me. The more I practiced that, the more comfortable I got with it, so much so that when I wrote a children's book and I look around at some of the rooms that I'm in for children's books and people look at me, I've gotten some side-eye from people. One person even asked me, they're like, "What in the world would qualify you to write a children's book?" That was one question that was asked. Another person asked me, "Well, are you going to use your real name or you're going to go by a pen name?" And what they're telling me is that nobody wants to read a book from an Olalu Ogunyemi. They'd much rather a different name. A lot of people, you know, just being in the room, it's a different— how do you say it? I guess a different brand of people. I'll say it that way. They're different people from the guy, the United States Marine turned children's book writer. And the only thing I'm trying to convey to children when I sit down with them is that you have the ability to pursue whatever you want to pursue. So if you want to write, go do it. If you want to be an athlete, go do it. If you want to be an artist, go do it. Whatever you want to do, I'm encouraging them to pursue those dreams. And don't allow people or things, where you're from, your name, or whatever, to slow you down.

I like that, man. You can be what you want to be. Since we on hip-hop, that's my man Nas. Sir, I can be what I want to, you know what I'm saying? Hey, but man, you said something that was intriguing to me. For one, you're talking about the shadow. You say you was getting straight A's, this and that. That's where we're gonna have to cut this line off, brother, because I wasn't the one in school getting straight A's. I was the one in school getting just the opposite, okay? That's 12. We have to draw the line there, you know what I'm saying? We two opposite sides of the field. And you know, say you said something too, you know, like when you said, you say people was asking you like what qualifies you to be a children's book writer. I mean, what qualifies anybody to be anything that they do, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I I was a child before. I have empathy and I want to see people grow. How about that? You know what I'm saying? And I have the tools, the experience to help that because I got children myself that I'm trying to teach the same lesson that you probably can, you know, say apply to your own life. Come on now, because that's just like, well, CJ started a podcast 2 years ago. What qualified him to be a podcaster? I don't know, I just did it. You know what I'm saying? I ain't got no degree, you know what I'm saying? I, I went to college But I was a fool all through high school kicking them dust. Now labeled as a troublemaker. Tupac. Hey, that's me, man. So, oh, let me ask you this. So did you create this book into a course?

No, I haven't created a course. I do have a journal that goes along with it. So what I do at schools using this book is usually I open up for conversations and that's where a lot of the conversations come in. So the journal that I do have with it that I've given to psychologists, which I thought was really cool for them to use it in their sessions with children. And I've definitely given it out to parents. It's actually a free downloadable resource as well, where you could just sit down and talk to your children. And by the end of this, it's really to help them, number one, identify what that shadow is. And number two, start to name it a little bit better than what we did. So a lot of times the problem with the shadow is it's just elusive. It's just like when we look at our real shadow, Nobody could truly describe what it is. We just know that it exists. And so what we're trying to do is get a name to that shadow. And second thing is just help to grow over it and go through it and make sure that we can achieve what we want to achieve.

I like that. That's what I was thinking too, the crow. Only crow I could think about when you said that, man, it was a cartoon. I don't know if it was on the Looney Tunes or whatever. The crow used to just sit there and just start talking or whatever. When you said it, that was my mindset going to that Crow cartoon. But that, you know, I'm saying my age, yeah, I'm 52, just turned 52. So, so let me ask you, old man, before we go, if I only got two more questions for you. Where can we find your book? Where can we find you on social media, man? Where can we keep in contact with you, man?

Yeah, absolutely. So the best way to find me is go to parent-child-connect.com. That's where you'll find all my links to social media. You'll see my first and last name is the best way to find me on social media. But if you can't spell that, parent-child-connect.com is the best way. But you'll find my blog regularly there. Again, I talked about my downloadable resources, my partnership with YouVersion. I've been blessed to have 8 Bible plans through YouVersion and helping celebrate their Global Bible Month where they're celebrating 1 billion downloads. So best way to reach out to me and contact me, and I love that with new folks.

Well, you said that— that's you what now? Say that again.

YouVersion.

Uh, YouVersion.

Okay, that's right. So that's the Bible app. So if you just go to App Store and type in Bible, YouVersion is usually, if not the first, is usually one of the first apps that pops up. It's really by Life.Church. They started this Bible app several years ago, but yet it's worked all the way up to a billion downloads. And they have all kinds of Bible plans on there. They have a verse of the day. They have like interactive study sessions and things of that nature. So it's really become a real good app. And honestly, I just started using it myself several years ago. And then when I saw that they were open to accepting plans and I had been writing at that point for about a year or two, I decided to submit a plan when they were open. And, you know, I was blessed enough to become a partner. So it's been good.

Ah, that's what's up, man. Hey man, what he do it, you know what I'm saying? Order, Lord, open up doors. You know, he say, seek ye the kingdom first and all his righteousness and all these things will be added to you, things that you don't even know about. Opportunities open up that you never thought. I mean, I never thought I'd be sitting here talking to a Marine Corps, uh, guy from the Marine Corps. Something I would do, but you know what I'm saying? We talking about that's something a kid would do, but, uh, that was my man's life, you know what I'm saying? And it got him to being who he is. On that note, let me ask you this. Oh, man. Lessons from the Marines. What leadership lessons did the Marine Corps teach you that you now apply to familyhood and community building?

Yeah, so first thing is be yourself. So in the Marine Corps, obviously you see commercials, you've seen the movies, and typically the first thing you see about Marines, people come up to me like, y'all crazy. That's the first thing I get from everybody who finds out I'm Marine Corps. It is what it is, but be yourself. Don't allow yourself to get into an environment and try to become somebody in that environment. They hired you. They came and recruited me out of Grambling, Louisiana, Ruston, Louisiana, because they wanted Olalu. They didn't want just a version, another officer. And so I initially was trying to be somebody else and trying to be that version of a leader. And quite honestly, was it effective? Yeah, because I'm a big Black guy. You know, I have a couple muscles here and there. So if I come yelling at you, you're going to do it, and you know that I have the backing of the commanding officer. But the problem was I wasn't influencing them to do it when I wasn't around, right? All they were doing is just do something because they didn't want to be nagged. They didn't want to be annoyed. And so I learned the power of being yourself and really getting to know people on a personal level, which is the second point, so that way you can influence them because that's really the true— the only way to impose or get them to use self-discipline We talk a lot about discipline, and I think in our minds, we've tied it so much to punishment and all those kinds of things that now we've created this environment where you cannot be disciplined unless you have immediate consequences. The problem with that is when you're not around, you can't administer those consequences, which means those decisions may not be as consistent as you want them to be. And so that's the first two lessons I learned: be yourself and find a way to connect with people to influence them instead of trying to do anything else. And then the last thing I'll say is that the Marine Corps is a melting pot and there's people coming from all over the place. There are people, it's funny because one of my guys I talk to every single day, he's one of my friends now, he came from a place in Georgia that quite honestly, I guarantee you that I wouldn't want to grow up in. And it's just how it is. You know, it is what it is. And it's just funny when we have conversations because there's times when we talk about his upbringing and I talk about mine and we just realized we grew up on two separate sides of the track, you know, and, and And quite frankly, I don't think I could go visit him in his hometown if I wanted to. But man, it's amazing to see that. And with all that background, all that experience, we all came to this environment where we have to figure out how to work together. And more importantly, we're in an environment to where we can end up, as you talked about, on the front, the proverbial front lines, or out there in harm's way, and we have to rely on each other. So that already told us that we got to put all those differences and things to the side and figure out how to get to know each other on a human level. And that really taught me that, yeah, I can't just use the same thing that I would use with a guy that looks just like me. I got Marines that look like me that grew up in the same area and we connect easily, right? It's just so sort of seamless. That relationship is natural. But then somebody like him, I had to put in a little bit more work. I have to get to know, you know, things that we enjoy. And quite honestly, him in particular, he was an Eminem fan. And that was one of the first conversations we had and one of the most in-depth conversations we had because he was playing Eminem and the folks in his neighborhood didn't like it at all. But that was something that we connected on, and it's just figuring out ways to lead people differently. And the way that all translated into home is, number one, as we already talked about, it's I'm not my dad and my children are not me. So the way that my dad led me or my mom led me can't be the same way that I lead my children. In fact, I know for a fact if I raise my voice, especially my oldest daughter, it's been this way her whole life. When she was young and I was still in my early 20s, I'll raise my voice and she'll just break down. You know, it wouldn't be effective. For my parents, they raise their voice at me, shoot, they might as well be ready to go hoarse because it ain't, you know, it's just, I'm not going to get it the first time and probably not the fifth or sixth time, but on the seventh time, I got you. And so it's just knowing that you have to be yourself and you're not just repeating what you heard. And again, your children are different. As you already talked about, it's like every child, you know, I have a 16-year-old girl, an 11-year-old boy, and a 6-year-old girl. And every last one of those children are just different. They have different ways of viewing the world. They have different ways that I have to relate to them and things of that nature. So really, those are some of the lessons that the Marine Corps taught me that I've learned now to apply in my home as a father.

I like it, man. I like it. And so one thing I wanted to say— oh man, I can't think of the name of the movie, but it was Damian Wayne. Damian Wayne. So you telling me, man, you was out there— Major Payne. So you telling me, man, you was Major Payne, man.

Hey, listen, I tell you, when I tell people about that, but I just, we just had the Marine Corps Ball for the record. And today actually is the Marine Corps birthday. So happy birthday to all the Marines out there and happy Veterans Day to all the veterans. Uh, but one of the things that I told people is like, before I joined the Marine Corps, the only Marine I knew was Major Payne and then Gunny Irby from Full Metal Jacket. So I mean, if you want to say that, then hey, guess what? That's what y'all get for letting that dude make that movie.

I love Nature Man, that's one of my favorite movies. Hey, hey man, when you said I like that, oh, was, uh, Damon Wayans over there? Hey, so, but yeah man, you know, like you say, different backgrounds, different places, man. You just gotta deal with the people differently. And like you say, I think coming from where I come from I'm just a people person. That's just me, you know what I'm saying? You know, that's something that gets me and my wife through because I'm more personable than she is. And so she knows that, you know what I'm saying? So when we meet people, we talk. That's just who I am, you know what I'm saying? That's just part of my DNA. And so I can relate to people because for one, I've been through some stuff, you know what I'm saying? I've done some stuff, I've been through some stuff. And so unlike parts of the world today, I have empathy because I can sympathize with people, you know what I'm saying? Like, people struggle. I'm not here to judge nobody. I'm not here to say, you know, say, oh, well, you should have did it. How can I— how can I say that you should have did this and that when I didn't do that? And then, then there's the thing too. Well, oh, I didn't mean to go here, but this is what it led. Then there's two, and there's something that you did, something that I did, and a lot of us have done over time, but it is still a lot of us that haven't done this. The Bible say this, How can you get the planks out your brother's eyes when you still got specks in your own eyes? So how can I tell you to go do this, that, and the third, and I'm still doing the same thing? I can give you instructions or tell you, oh man, you should be doing this this way and that way, but the same thing I'm telling you, I'm not applying it to myself. How can I tell my brother to do something differently than what I'm doing and have it to be effective. Quit telling people the wrong stuff and quit telling people stuff that you're not willing to do yourself because you ain't doing nothing but hurting them even more. Now once you start training yourself, as my man did in the Marine Corps, being Major Payne out there, you know what I'm saying, and try to get these brothers in shape— I can't believe you were Damon Wayans, man. You was— he's paying out there, man. Bad, we would have been fighting. I ain't care how much muscles you had, man, talking to me like that.

Hey, that's one thing somebody did tell me that one day. They, uh, they came to me all tough and they, they came and slammed my door. I said, hey, hey, bro, hey, don't let this run through you, big dog. I said, I'll throw all this out the window. I had to get saved again, man. He had to get saved again, man.

I know, bro. I know, I know. I work in the casino industry for 20 years. I lived in Detroit. I moved to Detroit, you know what I'm saying? Different breed, bro. Different breed. And if you didn't stand on your 10 toes, if you ain't stand 10 toes down, hey, we'll be waiting on you outside, homeboy. You know what I'm saying? Like, hey, it got real in the field, you know. Like you say, like Steve Harvey, you know, the table game supervisor at the time. Like you say, I like Steve Harvey on Kings of Hey, don't let the suit and tie fool you, homie, you know what I'm saying? Like, because I'm from the projects and I will get projectish on your— it's a clean show, so we ain't gonna go there. So man, my last question for you, old man, brick by brick closer, man. What's one actionable step our listeners can take this week to lead with more purpose, clarity, and legacy.

Absolutely. So I tell everybody to adopt a non-negotiable in your life, and that is find ways to improve your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health every single day, at least 10 minutes a day for each of those categories if you can. The way I look at it is first thing in the morning, you can wake up, take yourself a 10-minute walk. While you're walking, maybe you can listen to some kind of music or maybe listen to an audiobook or something like that, but take about 10 minutes a day every single day to empower yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What that does is it sets the foundation for the day and it sets your trajectory for the day as well. And it helps you to fill yourself up so that way when you go out into the world, you're ready to pour into everybody else. Because as everybody says, you can't pour from an empty vessel. So fill yourself up first so that way you can live a purposeful life throughout the day.

I like that. It don't matter how much you got, you can fill those vessels up, man. You remind me of the story of the lady. What she say?

I don't have nothing.

Then he told her, he said, well, go out there and get all the vessels that you can. And the Bible say that she went and got all the vessels that she could and start beginning to pour the little oil that she had. And then she got to the point and she told her sons to bring her some more vessels, and they said, well, there is none. And so my point of the story is, if it was more vessels, it would be more oil. God can make a lot out of a little. Hey, that's the CJ Nugget for the day. Hey, oh man, thank you for pouring into us today, man. Your message is a blueprint for parents. Leaders, and anyone trying to build something that outlives them. Family, go support my man Lou's work. Grab Grow From the Shadow. Stay tuned for Lead Last and tap into Parent-Child Connect for real practical leadership tools. This legacy building at its core, brick by brick. This your man CJ Moneyway Johnson with my man O-O-Lu Major Payne! Till the next time, we out of here.

Peace.

Before you go, let me leave you with this. Every Story shared here, it's a reminder that your story matters too. Keep your faith sharp, keep your focus steady, keep your vision clear. And if this episode gave you wisdom, hope, or a push forward, share it with somebody you love. Tap in with me on all platforms @moneyway and stay locked into the movement because God's not done writing your chapter.

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