Transform Your Marriage: Insights on Growth and Communication

What's up, my good people? This your boy CJ Moneyway. Welcome to the CJ Moneyway Show, the podcast that brings you stories behind the success. Today we have on the show founder of Relationships with a Map, Christy C. How you doing, Christy?

I'm doing good. I love the way you avoided that last name.

Yeah, I know how to stay in my lane. How do you pronounce your last name?

It's Cerniglia.

Oh yeah, I'll stay out of that. I understand. Uh, CeCe. CeCe is good. Can you— can I call you CeCe?

Exactly. That's perfect.

All right, CeCe is your new name for me today. So CeCe, tell us a little bit about yourself and a little bit about your background. Mm-hmm.

Thank you for having me. So we got CJ and CeCe, right? Hey, hey, hey.

Powerful combination.

Perfect. Um, yeah, well, I live in Lexington, Kentucky with my husband. We've been married, we just celebrated our 30th anniversary in May.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you. We have 4 kids and 3 grandkids. And, um, we, about 3 years ago, I, um, kind of came upon this whole coaching industry and said, I want to be a part of that. And so, yeah, that's what we're here to talk about today.

Oh, okay. So, so, CeCe, why are healthy marriages important to you?

Oh yeah, well, what, what happened in my background is that, um, my parents— I was raised in a really happy home and a really healthy home, and suddenly out of nowhere, uh, right before my senior year of high school, my dad decided to leave us. And so my parents went through a divorce and we had to move. So I ended up at a different high school every year of high school. So I tell everybody that's why I'm so shy. Mm-hmm. But my parents divorced and we moved and it was a really, really difficult time. And it really left a bad taste in my mouth about marriage. And so for about 2 years, I would say I just had the the idea I will never get married, right? Why would I get married when the man is just gonna— going to have kids and everything and then leave you after 21 years? So I said, nope, not for me. I'm gonna go to college, I'm gonna get a degree, I'm gonna make a lot of money, and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna take care of business, and I'm not going to be dependent on anybody.

So, CeCe, let me ask you a question. I didn't have that, but just listening to what you said, so do you believe that in society today, I think we have a big thing about that now where people, you know, uh, don't want to get married, and you have a lot of women say that I can do things by myself and I don't, I don't need a man to do what I need to do. So as you expressed that you had to experience because you saw it in your household So do you— so in your terms, do you believe that this is one of the main reasons now that, uh, young women and young men for that matter, uh, feel like they don't want to get married in this day and age because of things that they endured or things that they saw as a, as a, as a youngster?

Yeah, I do think that. Well, I mean, society is telling us that 50% of the marriages are ending in divorce. I know as— I don't know what it's like for kids to walk through divorce at different ages, but for me at 17, it was really painful. It was, uh, my parents shared a lot with me because I seemed grown, right? I was 17 years old, but I was not prepared or desire to hear the kind of things that they shared with me. I was lucky though, because up until the divorce, my parents had a really nice peaceful, happy marriage. And so I did get to see the good side of marriage, but it was that pain at the end that turned me off. But yeah, I think a lot of, um, a lot of the, the adults today grew up maybe in these broken homes where it wasn't a good and happy and peaceful marriage, and it wasn't something to be desired. And so that's one of my things that I like to challenge— I, I work with women only, and one of the things I like to challenge my women about is, are you showing your children a marriage that they're going to want to get married, or are you showing them something that they're going to be like, no way, right? Because that's part of our responsibility, and we have choices in the matter, is what I believe. None of us are perfect, right? Exactly. If I live with my very best friend in the world, we're going to have strife, right? Because two human beings who live together over a period of time are going to disagree and we're going to rub each other the wrong way. So we're never talking about perfection, but we are talking about happy. I don't want people to just stay married. I really want them to thrive in their marriage. And I believe it's possible. So that's where I come in with a whole bucketload of hope for the women who come to me and want to save their marriage or want to improve their marriage.

Mm. Okay. You know, you said something earlier, and a lot of times as a teenager, a little kid, we do— we, we like sponges. And so it's things that we see and experience, then we grow up. Like you said, you, you spent 2 years saying, I'm not. Going through that because you had a perception about, you know, so probably about your father and how, you know, saying, and how you seen the pain with your mother. You said, I'm not going through that. And so I do believe, as you was alluding to, that we, we have perceptions on, you know, that affect us, uh, in our adult life that, you know, saying, kind of cloud our vision a lot of times until we, you know, get to— some people get to a certain point where we say, you know what, Uh, that was with Mom, that was with Dad. That don't mean that that's what I'm gonna go through. Sometimes you just have to— life is an experience of its own, and sometimes you have to experience things yourself to know, because you don't really know what Mom and Daddy went through, you know what I'm saying? Or the, or the root causes or of certain things. It's just that you build a solid foundation for you and your family, and that would make the difference in your life. So, so, Christy, CeCe, you mentioned after reading Laura Doyle's book, you realized you were the problem in your marriage. How did you come to that conclusion?

Yeah, okay, so I found, um, Laura Doyle's book called The Empowered Wife, and I would recommend it to any of your listeners, to the, the female listeners out there. This is for the women. I realized that I— well, what happens— and CJ, are you married?

Yes, I've been married half the time that you have. I'll be able to be 15 years in, uh, December.

Well, congratulations, that's wonderful. Well, I think that, um, many times, um, in marriage, the woman is silently, or not so silently, hoping for the husband to change. And she's thinking to herself, if he would do this and this and this and this, then we could be happy, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And you know, it's kind of— it's, um, it's human nature to blame the other person, right? It's human nature to think, hey, I'm doing a great job, it's him that's the problem, right? But the problem is we can't change other people. I have no power over you. I have no power over my husband. I have no power over my children, especially as they're getting older and older. So an empowered wife is a wife who recognizes that the only person I can change is me.

Mm-hmm.

And that when I change me, other people respond to me differently, right?

Yeah.

And I respond to my circumstances differently. Mm-hmm. So what happened is I had been wanting my husband to make some changes for a while, and I just kept getting more and more unhappy because that wasn't happening. And so when I read her book and I saw the things that I was doing wrong that I was able to change, all of a sudden I had power, right? Because if it's all him, then I'm just a victim and there's nothing I can do. I'm just going to be miserable forever. And that is such a hopeless position to be in. So I was really glad, even though it stinks to find out that you're the problem, it is also wonderful. Because guess what? If I'm the problem, then I can be the solution.

Yeah.

So she showed me a lot of the blind spots, things that I was doing that were repelling my husband, that were causing him to avoid me. And when I made those corrections, oh wow, he's all of a sudden, he's magnetically drawn to me. And I'm starting to get some of the things that I've been wanting for a while that were making me unhappy. Isn't that amazing?

Yeah, that, that intimacy that you were, that you were yearning for, that you was looking for. It's funny, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'mma, uh, look into that book and try to give it to my wife and have her read it. And because, you know, I'm listening to you, as you said, uh, there's some things that you, that, that sometimes when, like, women think on a different level than men.

Yes.

And so, you know, like, far as with the kids things that goes on into the household and things of that nature. And there's just certain things as men we just don't think about. I'll never forget one time my wife, uh, it was a few years ago, she had been wanting me to do something, but that was in her mind. She figured, she figured that I should have did this or I should have did that. And so she had let it linger on inside of her so long where she was— it was a boiling point because she was upset that I hadn't did it. But like I told her, if you had said something and, you know, like, hey, look, uh, can you do this and this and that, I would have did it. But that was nowhere on my mind. I had never thought about it, you know. Like, y'all think about certain things that we just don't think about, and sometimes y'all gotta kick us in the butt to just let us know instead of just letting it linger on. And it just bulls you guys up, you know, on the inside until it becomes bitterness. And like you say, maybe, uh, I'm falling out of love with you because you're not falling in line and doing the things that I want you to do. I'm just saying, CeCe, it's just certain things we just don't pay attention to.

Well, I think you're absolutely right. And what I hear you saying is sometimes the expectations are what— and, and I agree wholeheartedly. I had to let go of a lot of strange expectations. I don't even know where they came from, and I was putting on my husband. Because the other thing I hear you saying is that as women, we can build up a lot of bitterness and resentment over time about things that you don't even know we're boiling about.

Exactly.

And I'm here to say that bitterness and resentment are the poison of your marriage, the poison. They will kill it faster than anything. And really, it's any relationship— bitterness and resentment. So we've got to avoid those two things. And one of the skills that I teach, I call it expressing your desire in a way that inspires. Because like you were saying, if I'd have known she wanted me to do that, I would have done it. Because what I have found in coaching is that men want their wives to be happy.

To be happy. That's it. I don't— I don't— the most important thing for a man, especially, you know, you working and this and that, you go to work, you go through different things. The most important thing for a man is to come home to a peaceful house. If your house is not peaceful, it's like, come on now, you know, I go through things out here in the streets or you know, in the world. I don't want to come home and have to go through the same things with the person that I've committed my life to, you know. We want to make a happy home. That's how you make a happy home. Like, say, happy wife, happy life. And so the same thing with a man. A man needs peace in order for things to, you know, to have a peaceful household. I mean, I know you got to bring peace to it, and a lot of men, we don't bring peace to the house, that's a whole nother subject. But, you know, you want to do things so everything can be peaceful.

Yeah. If— what's the other saying? If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.

Nobody's happy, right? Yeah.

We really, as women, we set the tone. We're very, very influential. And that's the part that I want women to understand. Because you know what, CJ? The women will come to me for help and they'll say, well, why do I have to do all the work? Yeah, he needs to change too. And I go, well, Well, how's that working for you, right? You've been wanting him to change for the last 10 years and that hasn't worked. So if you would like to see change, I want you to know that you're very influential and you can start the change. You can be the initiator of the change because I guarantee that men respond differently when they come home and the wife is happy and cheerful and ready to greet him with happiness than they do when she's crabby and complaining. Yeah, it just is a whole different ball game.

That's, that's that peacefulness, you know, and that's just that peacefulness. So CeCe, tell us about your journey becoming a relationship coach and what actually inspired you to take that path.

Yes, okay, so, um, about 3 years ago, we— so we'd been married 27 years at that point. Well, over 27 years, you know, you get some let's just say some stones in your shoe, right? And they just keep bothering you a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. And, you know, along the way we had worked out different problems and, and pushed them to the side, right? But there were a few that just weren't going anywhere. They were just sticking around and getting worse. How do we fix this? Well, we tried counseling. I don't know if you or your listeners have ever tried counseling, but here's what happened for us. I took 30 minutes to complain about him, he took 30 minutes to complain about me, and we both left ticked off, right?

You said more upset than you did when you went in there, huh?

Exactly. I said, I don't know how anybody gets happier from complaining for an hour a week.

I don't know.

But so we, we tried counseling, I read lots of books, of course, we went to some different, uh, like retreats and, and events and things about marriage, and everything was, was helpful, but nothing was really getting to the core of that problem until I found Laura's book, The Empowered Wife. And I read that and I said, this is the answer. I could tell, I just knew intuitively that if I made these changes, that things would look different. And so I began doing that on my own and things did shift, but there were still some things I didn't quite know how to get to. So I hired a coach. And I invested a lot of money in it because— and then initially, my initial thought was, oh my goodness, I've never spent that much money on myself. And then my second thought was, this isn't spending on me. This is investing in my family. And what could be more important than my family? And so I went to my husband. I didn't give him any details, but I just said, I would like to invest in becoming a better wife. And he's, you know what he said?

Giddy up. Like, like, don't worry about how much it costs. Just get that done.

He said, put that on the card, baby.

We're good.

So I hired a coach and I worked with her for 6 months and she was so good about showing me those blind spots, those things. And she was so good at helping me to see all the things I had to be grateful for. She was so helpful to see to help me see how my husband was loving me and I was missing it. I wasn't recognizing it. And she also helped me to come up with alternative ways to express the things I wanted to express, 'cause the old ways weren't working. And so, but I'll tell you what, after the first coaching call with her, I said, that's what I wanna do. This is what I wanna do. I wanna do what she's doing. I wanna motivate and inspire and help women to be their best selves and show up with dignity and joy to, you know, to have this loving, connected, intimate relationship with their husband that then pours out onto their kids. You know, I— this is what I want to do. And so I pursued coach training after that.

I mean, and that's a valuable piece too, because as anything, whether it's going the wrong way or going the right way, what you show your kids is a product of, you know, moving forward and paying it forward. Because if they see a healthy household and they see mom and dad in a healthy marriage, then, you know, most, most likely this is something that they would strive to do. Opposed to if they see mom getting, you know, abused all the time, verbally or physically, you know, this is something that they're liable to do in their lifetime. So it is, it's ample that we show examples to our children, you know, on, on the way to— on the way to go and the way to, to live and the way to treat your, your mother, the way to treat your father and the way to treat your wife and, and things of that nature. So tell me one thing, CeCe. Well, maybe two. You said that the relationship coach, uh, gave you some good pointers on things that you were doing wrong, your blind spots. So give us at least two blind spots that can probably help somebody else in their marriage that, that, that they're missing and they're becoming unhappy in their relationships because they see these— because they had these blind spots. And like you said, the, the coach had you to see that, be grateful for this, something that you probably was ungrateful for. But like, wow, this is a blessing, and your husband does love you because he's providing this and this and that. So give us two things that was in your blind spot that, that, that you didn't see?

Yeah, I was so blind about taking care of myself. I was so busy helping my husband with the business and keeping the house and doing the laundry and cooking the meals and homeschooling 4 kids and all of these things that I wasn't doing anything for me. And so most of the time I was in a bad mood. Right? Because I just felt like I gave, gave, gave, gave, and worked, worked, worked, worked. And I think this happens to a lot of women, right? We have a lot of responsibilities. We've got a lot of balls in the air, and we leave ourselves to last, and it never shows up. Men are actually really good at self-care, right? Men will take the time to go golfing or go hang out with their friends or play a video game or watch a television show. Women, it seems like we just keep going until we collapse. And then we are resentful of everybody around us for not helping, right? So, one of the first things that my Coach did with me and one of the first things I do with my Clients is talk to them about what do you love? What do you enjoy? What gives you pleasure and happiness and these things? And they don't have to be big and expensive, like going for an hour massage. They can be simple, like sitting in a hot bathtub, going for a walk, listening to a podcast, reading a chapter in your favorite book, watching a comedian on YouTube, you know, whatever it is that will bring you that slice of joy. And doing 3 things like that every day, whether they take 5 minutes or whether they take an hour, but making time for your own joy so that you can show up happy. For your family and your husband because mom does set the tone. And our husbands and our kids do want us to be happy. So they, if they had their choice, they would say, yes, mom, go do your self-care, right?

Yeah, I got it.

That was, that was one of my big blind spots. And my second blind spot, I would say, was probably complaining. If you had asked me if I was a complainer, I would have said no, no, no, I'm not at all. I did not recognize recognize it. But when I started to raise my awareness and look, I was like, oh wow, I thought that when I said things like, oh, my car is always a mess, you guys need to get all your junk out of my car, right? You leave your water bottles in here, you leave your wrappers in here, blah blah blah. I thought I was giving a motivational speech. Nobody was motivated. Everybody just scattered like, oh, mom's in a mood, right?

Run for your life.

So I learned how to express my desires in a way that inspires. So instead of talking about what I didn't want, which was a dirty car, I began to say, I would love to have a clean car. And guess what my husband said? I'll take it and get it clean today.

Yeah. Yeah.

What? And he did. He took it to the car wash and he got it washed and vacuumed everything. And I got what I— all he needed was the information from me of how to make me happy. And he was thrilled to do it.

Yeah.

And everybody liked me better and I liked myself better because I wasn't that nagging.

Oh, I, you know, it's funny that you say that. If my wife see this, she gonna probably be mad at me because You're right, the nagging. And, and I got a thing when she does it, I say, oh, you did sound like that little meow cat, like. And so we laugh about it, but when she get into the mood, that's what I do.

But it's good that y'all can laugh about it and she doesn't hit you with the frying pan.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh, CeCe, uh, like one of the things that I was listening to you that you were saying, you was talking about you know, the woman that do this, they do the laundry and do this and cook and clean and, you know, things of that nature. I was talking to somebody once before on a relationship level, and one thing they told me was that when your wife or, you know, your significant other are doing the things that they're doing, a simple thank you will go a long way. Because as I heard you say As I was listening to you, and, and I believe a lot of women feel this way, they feel unappreciated for all the things that they do. And us just going by, you know, you, you cooking dinner, you bring them their plates, you fixing their plates, and when you bring it to them, they don't even say thank you, Mom, or, you know, thank you for washing my, my clothes or folding my clothes up, thank you for taking me to baseball practice or football practice. Because we get to the point where this is just— we feel like it's normal and this is how it should be and this is what mom should do, not knowing that mom is doing this out of love for her family. And but they're being ignored on certain things. And all you need to do is just give them a simple thank you. Thank you, Mom.

You know, and you're so right. You know, everybody likes to be recognized for their their input, right? And the great thing is, is that we as the, as the wife, we can set that tone and we can bring that into the family because men feel the same way. They feel unappreciated, they feel like, uh, unrecognized, like their, their, uh, work goes unnoticed. And so I always encourage my wives to, um, make a gratitude list and start to express those things to your husband. And, you know, and when we start to do that it catches on. It's contagious in the family, and the kids will see that, and they will start to feed it back so many times. But sometimes women are in such pain in their marriages that they feel like, well, I can't think of anything, I can't think of anything. And I go, well, does he take out the trash? You know, does he go to work? Does he mow the lawn? I mean, let's start with the smallest of things, because when we get acknowledged for the things that we do we want to do more, right? Because we love to be acknowledged, all of us.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, we— but we can start that. We can kick off that tone of gratitude in the house, and it will rub off on our children and life too.

You know, I'm starting to, uh, I'm actually starting a new podcast, uh, opposed to what you're doing. I'm actually want to focus on men as a whole because there's certain elements that I think that we as men are missing too. And one of the subjects that I'm going to talk about, I think you was alluding to it as far as men want to be, you know, acknowledged for the things that we do. And one of the subjects I have is the unseen covering. Like, we're, we're just not seen at times, whether it's with the wife, whether it's with the kids, or, uh, you, you know, we know Mother's Day you can go anywhere and, and you can't go nowhere without having the reservations, or you're gonna wait 2, 3 hours to, to get in. But on Father's Day you can go anywhere you want to. Matter of fact, now just barbecue, you know, uh, outside or whatever. So it's, it's a major difference. And sometimes it does feel like as a man we go unseen, but, but at the same time, we're the covering of the family. But the covering of the family goes unseen a lot of times. And we do have feelings and we do have emotions, but I think we can wear them and, and brush them off a little bit more than, than women 'cause y'all can hold some things against us. Like me, we can, we can be mad at each other, but then we can let it go and then go out and, and, and, and like you say, go play golf or go do whatever we got to do. But when women get into it, I'm not letting that go.

It's true, it's true. It's not a good thing, but it's true.

Yeah, it's a different mindset. So, CeCe, Tell us about your time as being a host on your own radio broadcast, and how did that experience influence the work that you're doing now?

Oh wow. Well, um, you know, when I was 28 years old, I, um, I got saved and became a Christian and started following Jesus Christ. And up until that point, I really thought that when the gifts were given out that I had been left out, right? I didn't have any athletic ability. I didn't have any artistic ability. I couldn't sing or play an instrument. There just didn't seem to be anything for me. Well, after I got saved, this friend of mine asked me to come to her church and share my testimony. And so I did, and then someone else, and I did, and someone else, and I did. And the first time that I walked in and they actually put me up on a stage and there was a large group of people, it scared me to pieces. And then I thought, by the end of the talk, I said, this is what I'm made for. I'm made to speak and share and teach and that sort of thing. And so it really was a whole new world for me. And so, yeah, I've continued to speak since then. And I did have the opportunity to do— I did a Christian radio broadcast that was called Contagious. And I loved it. I loved it so much because it caused me to study more so that I had something to say, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And yeah, and it's impacted what I do today because I think my love for the Lord informs my love of marriage and family, that marriage and family are important because um, they started with the Lord, and he— they're important to him. And so I believe that we can heal and help our marriages.

You know, you said something, and I tell people all the time, you know, especially because, as you say, he always— the purpose always stays the same, but the assignments change. And so what I mean by that is that your purpose is always going to be your purpose. Yeah, and the assignments change because he bring different people into your life at this moment. Okay, so it's something that this person needs from CeCe, and God has put it in you to reveal it to them at that time. As we know, the Bible say that, um, uh, we plant seeds, some plant, some water, but neither one of them is nothing because it's God who gives the increase. Okay. But the point is to do your part, whether you're the planter or whether you the sower or the water sower, you still have to do your part because I don't know which one I am. You know, I don't know if somebody came before me or am I coming after somebody else, you know, and water. So what I tell people and what you said was that I heard was in order to combat certain things and how did you, you have to have something in you. You have to have the word of God in you, just like as when he went to the, uh, when he, when he came from being hungry 40 days and 40 nights, and the Spirit led him up to the temple. And but the thing that got me, he said, man does not eat by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. So we have to have something in us in order to give to somebody else, and, and you have to have the same thing. So when somebody come to you, I have to have something to give them other than just me, you know, other than just what I'm talking about. No, he brought you— them to you for a word. But if I don't have it in me, how can I give you something that I don't have?

Amen. Yeah, beautiful. Exactly.

Yeah, I, you know, I go through that all the time when, when God bring young men into my life and I try to— and I could tell stories within the Bible without you even knowing that it's a story from the Bible. That's just how it is, you know, because a lot of people don't want to get hit upside the head with the word, right? But there's so many facets in the word of God that it's a story. It's a story, and it's life, you know. You can't talk about the word without talking about life, and a lot of times you can't talk about life without talking about the word, if that's what you are, you know. And And we're those type of beings that this is the life. We love our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, period, point blank.

Yes.

So I'm with you. So I'm with you. I'm with you, CeCe. I'm with you.

Wonderful.

So CeCe, only got two more questions for you. So what is— what are the six intimacy skills And why are they critical in a marriage? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Um, well, we talked about self-care.

Okay.

And we talked about, um, we talked about expressing gratitude. So one of the other, um, intimacy skills that's so important to a marriage, and it was so important in my transformation, is relinquishing control. Um, sometimes as women we can get, uh, controlling, right? Especially I think when we have kids. So I would be home all day with my kids homeschooling, and I would be delegating tasks, right? You go do this, you go do this, you go do this. And then guess what? My husband would come home and I would just put him right in the mix and start, and start delegating to him too. And you know what? That did not feel respectful to him, and he did not enjoy that. And that was one of those kind of repelling behaviors. So come to find out— maybe you can let me know if this is right or not— men don't want to be told how to dress or how to drive or where to park or what to say or not to say, all of those things. And somehow we get into that position, and maybe it's as a mother we get used to doing that with the kids and we begin to do it with our husband. And so one of the big changes that I had to make, and so many women need to make, is to let go and recognize my husband as a capable, smart, grown man who can make really good decisions. And so I can say to him— one of my cheat phrases is, 'Whatever you think, I trust you.' Now that's a good one.

I wish my wife would say that. But, but no, I, I totally agree with you on certain— on what you said. No, we do not want to be dictated to. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me how to do this. Because as you said, that, um, you would delegate things to your kids, and then he comes in and then you begin delegating the same things to him. No, I'm not a kid. I'm not your child. So don't try to treat me as your child. And sometimes I think, as you say, as a mother, you get into that And so no, we as a man, I'm just telling you flat out, we do not like that. No telling me how to dress. No, you're not gonna— I mean, you can pick something I like. Oh, this nice. Like if you go shopping, like we talk about Father's Day, you pick you because you know my style. And so certain things, but don't come bring me something home that you know that I'm not gonna wear. I'm not wearing that. Have you ever seen me wear anything like— I'm not wearing that, right?

So funny. So funny. Well, women don't recognize a lot of times that that's an issue. They think they're being helpful and they don't recognize it as control and they don't recognize it as a repelling. Um, but most of the women who come to me for help, their husbands are avoiding them and they, they don't see it that way. They would say like, my husband never spends any time with me. He's always playing video games or he's always out playing golf or he works too much. All of those are avoiding, whether they're conscious or unconscious. They just know that it's uncomfortable at home or it's bristly when I'm around my wife, you know, and, and, and I, and I feel bad because we don't intend to do that. We're just trying to get things done and get the help that we need. And we don't know a better way to do it. And so that's where I come in. And help women to see and then help them to make adjustments in the way that they're handling things. But boy, when a man feels respected, he's attracted to his woman like a magnet. Yeah. When he feels disrespected, he goes away and he, and he avoids, and then she feels lonely and unhappy and she thinks it's his fault. But, but there's a part there. And so, yeah, and I always tell my ladies, I say, you know what, If you act like his mother, men don't want to be intimate with their mothers. I know that's a danger right there. It's going to affect your, your quiet, you know, your private life.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Christy CeCe, I really enjoyed you coming on. So my last question is, as we talking about men don't want to be like that, don't want to be intimate with them, that's That's disgusting. But, uh, I don't even want to think about that. But, uh, in your experience, what makes a marriage last forever?

Well, we want to sweep away that resentment and that bitterness, right? And it feels impossible, but it can be done. And that may be why you need to hire a coach, somebody who can help you see what's going on up here, right? Because it all starts up here. The way I think is going to be the way I act, and the way I act is going to create my circumstances. So if a coach can help you make some adjustments to the way you think and the way you see your husband and the way you think about your husband, then you're going to start feeling more love and more respect and more honor and gratitude and all those things toward him. And when a woman starts to present like that than, like I said, her man. So part of what I teach is we want the woman to show up with her femininity turned up high, because when she does, he's going to show up with his masculinity turned up high, and it's like a magnet where the opposites attract, right? But sometimes, especially in our society today, society is telling us as women to show up stronger and stronger and stronger, and we almost get in that masculine energy where it's hard and we're not, we're not meeting. So I want to help women to see their blind spots. I want to help them to see this wonderful man that they married, and I know he's wonderful because they chose him, right? So we can go back to the beginning and talk about what was it that attracted you to him in the first place. And guess what? All those qualities are still in him. They've just gotten buried underneath responsibilities and challenges and all these things, the same way they have for the woman, for the wife. And so if we can get back to that, that feeling in the beginning, the reason why we chose each other in the beginning, we can begin to have that joy and fun and laughter and playfulness. Because that's what we all want, right? We want to get back to that fun and playfulness that we had in the beginning of our marriage. And I just want to say, it's It's really, really possible, and I'm here to stand for you if you want to pursue that. If you're motivated and you want that, I'm here.

So like I said, CeCe, enjoyed you coming on, your insight. I know a lot of women may not be happy with this, uh, segment, but it's the truth, and I like your transparency and the way that you be straightforward. And if you want a happy marriage, go talk to CeCe. She got the remedy for you. So, Cece, is there any other endeavors that we can look forward to? And what can we follow you at on social media?

Yeah, I would love for you to follow me on Facebook and Instagram. It's Relationships with a Map. And then my website is relationshipswithamap.com. So it's real simple. And I offer workshops. I offer one-on-one coaching. I offer some free webinars coming up in August and September. I don't know when this will air, but yeah. And a free consultation call, of course, where we can get to know each other and see if it's a fit.

Mm, yeah. This, you say September? I wish I could fit it in. This one, this one down the line. Uh, like I said, PodMatch has been great, so I mean, I haven't had a, a lack of interviews. But when it does come out, I, I'm hoping that, uh, the, the online program would be jumping off at the time and this would just fit right in and just just, you know, expose it even more. So, uh, I really thank you for coming on, Christy. And give me one second. Hey, check out CeCe, follow on Instagram, uh, founder of Relationships with a Map. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram as well, Instagram as well. Follow on her website, relationshipswithamap.com. Hey, this has been your boy CJ Moneyway with my new friend CeCe, my Christian sister. Hey, we out of here. Peace.

Thank you.

Hold on one second.